0:00:28.690,0:00:33.124
Human beings have the biological[br]equivalent of a sports car

0:00:34.204,0:00:35.414
between their ears.

0:00:35.853,0:00:38.873
And it’s wonderful [br]that we have this device.

0:00:39.344,0:00:44.214
Our ability to reason and problem solve;[br]to plan, predict, evaluate, abstract,

0:00:44.214,0:00:49.094
or create is the envy [br]of the rest of living creation.

0:00:50.077,0:00:54.016
But you would not jump [br]into a fast sports car

0:00:54.016,0:00:58.303
and jam on the accelerator [br]if somebody hadn’t told you

0:00:58.303,0:01:01.903
where the brakes are [br]and how to apply them.

0:01:02.865,0:01:08.885
And this mind of ours, at times,[br]takes us in the wrong direction.

0:01:09.046,0:01:10.301
And when it’s doing that,

0:01:10.301,0:01:15.711
we have to know how to slow it down [br]and to put on those brakes.

0:01:16.820,0:01:20.345
And it’s not obvious where that is.

0:01:20.345,0:01:24.962
Our temptation is to put on the brakes [br]by jamming on the accelerator

0:01:24.962,0:01:27.502
and swerving back and forth really fast.

0:01:27.511,0:01:31.931
But it turns out the brakes [br]are in an entirely different area.

0:01:32.520,0:01:37.150
I’m giving this talk at a TEDx[br]that’s sponsored by the Davidson Academy,

0:01:37.534,0:01:41.694
which is one of the treasures of the U.S.,

0:01:42.307,0:01:44.497
a school for the gifted and talented,

0:01:44.497,0:01:52.137
where young people who have IQs at the [br]99.9th percentile or above are educated.

0:01:52.774,0:01:57.054
And so I know I’m looking at people,[br]who over the next years,

0:01:57.058,0:02:01.918
are going to make a profound difference [br]to human society, very likely.

0:02:02.461,0:02:04.791
But I’m also a clinical psychologist.

0:02:05.198,0:02:08.348
And I know that I’m looking at people [br]who are going to suffer.

0:02:08.877,0:02:10.485
I know that I’m looking at people

0:02:10.485,0:02:14.405
who are going to have thoughts [br]come up very close like,

0:02:14.984,0:02:18.404
“You’re not lovable,” or, [br]“Life’s not livable.”

0:02:19.107,0:02:22.067
Like, “There’s something wrong with you.”

0:02:22.398,0:02:26.028
"Deep down you’re bad" or, "You’re mean,"[br]or, "You should be ashamed."

0:02:27.096,0:02:32.546
Or, "You need to figure out a way [br]to run from that painful rejection,"

0:02:32.546,0:02:36.796
or betrayal or that traumatic thing [br]that happened to you.

0:02:37.190,0:02:40.319
And when that happens, [br]I don’t care how smart you are,

0:02:40.319,0:02:45.236
you’re going to need to know [br]how to put on the mental brakes.

0:02:45.236,0:02:48.229
And what I want to share with you[br]is the surprising science

0:02:48.229,0:02:50.159
of where those brakes are.

0:02:51.825,0:02:53.970
For the last 30 years, I and my colleagues

0:02:53.970,0:02:57.150
have been studying language [br]and cognition through the filter,

0:02:57.155,0:03:01.575
through the lens, of a theory called [br]Relational Frame Theory, or RFT;

0:03:01.577,0:03:04.836
a perspective I developed decades ago,

0:03:04.836,0:03:10.361
and the applied extension of that into [br]Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT,

0:03:10.361,0:03:12.344
a whole set of methods that we use

0:03:12.344,0:03:17.494
in many, many different areas [br]of human suffering.

0:03:17.928,0:03:23.228
And I want to explain to you [br]what language and cognition is,

0:03:23.228,0:03:25.509
why what we’re doing here[br]right now is different

0:03:25.509,0:03:29.099
than what the bird outside [br]the window is doing.

0:03:29.343,0:03:32.074
Because when you see it,[br]you’ll know a little bit

0:03:32.074,0:03:34.604
of how to actually push on [br]the accelerator even more.

0:03:34.604,0:03:36.384
That’s not the purpose of my talk.

0:03:37.063,0:03:40.944
But you’ll also know why you cannot rely [br]on that part of your mind

0:03:40.944,0:03:44.154
only when you need to slow it down,

0:03:44.709,0:03:47.769
when it’s taking you [br]in the wrong direction.

0:03:48.561,0:03:52.103
So I could summarize 30 years[br]of work in a little ditty,

0:03:52.103,0:03:55.853
it’s kind of a little humiliating [br]that you can do it, but you can,

0:03:56.263,0:03:57.711
which is this:

0:03:57.711,0:04:00.443
Learn it in one, derive it in two;

0:04:00.763,0:04:04.543
put it in networks[br]that change what you do.

0:04:04.543,0:04:06.403
That’s 30 years of work.

0:04:06.403,0:04:08.633
(Laughter)

0:04:09.547,0:04:11.810
And so I want to explain what that means

0:04:11.810,0:04:15.699
and why we’re different than [br]that bird outside the window.

0:04:15.699,0:04:20.619
Let’s take the first two lines;[br]Learn it in one, derive it in two.

0:04:21.304,0:04:24.504
Take the simplest thing; [br]the name for an object.

0:04:24.744,0:04:28.640
Very young children, human infants, [br]learn that if something has a name,

0:04:28.640,0:04:32.748
if I’ve called this a boo-boo, let’s say,[br]and then I said, “Where’s the boo-boo?”

0:04:32.748,0:04:36.738
The infant, soon enough,[br]would try to find this.

0:04:37.755,0:04:40.195
We’re the only creatures that do that.

0:04:40.919,0:04:43.609
The language-trained chimps don’t do that.

0:04:43.609,0:04:45.345
In controlled research they don’t.

0:04:45.345,0:04:49.196
And by the way, please don’t email me [br]about your really smart dogs and cats.

0:04:49.196,0:04:50.156
(Laughter)

0:04:50.156,0:04:52.384
I know you’ve got them; I've got one too.

0:04:52.384,0:04:54.994
And they don’t do it.

0:04:55.501,0:04:57.771
But we do do it.

0:04:58.473,0:05:04.193
If you happen to know that, for example, [br]that round red thing is called an apple,

0:05:04.812,0:05:07.553
if I were to say to a baby

0:05:07.553,0:05:10.896
who’s had enough exposure [br]to a normal verbal community

0:05:10.896,0:05:14.016
and is normally developing,[br]by around age 12 months,

0:05:14.635,0:05:18.565
“Where’s the apple?” [br]the baby will look for it.

0:05:18.944,0:05:24.234
And then you can put it into networks [br]that actually change what we do.

0:05:24.234,0:05:28.464
If you knew that the name[br]for apple was also "yabuka",

0:05:29.438,0:05:33.631
and then I asked you to imagine [br]when you’re really thirsty,

0:05:33.631,0:05:38.731
going to the refrigerator and getting out [br]a fresh bottle of yabuka juice

0:05:39.146,0:05:42.898
and pouring it into a glass, [br]and then imagine bringing up

0:05:42.898,0:05:48.788
that yabuka juice and smelling [br]what yabuka juice smells like,

0:05:48.788,0:05:53.183
and then having a couple of big, [br]sweet gulps of yabuka juice.

0:05:53.843,0:05:55.293
Can you imagine that?

0:05:55.708,0:05:58.611
If you had cotton in your mouth [br]and spit it out, many of you,

0:05:58.611,0:06:02.191
your cotton is now heavier, because [br]you’re salivating to yabuka juice.

0:06:02.762,0:06:06.462
And unless you’ve lived in Croatia [br]where apples are called yabukas,

0:06:07.146,0:06:11.020
you’ve never heard it before, [br]until this old bald guy said it to you.

0:06:11.020,0:06:14.190
That’s how fast it happens.

0:06:14.714,0:06:18.226
And it’s wonderful as we begin [br]to then learn other relationships

0:06:18.226,0:06:20.361
other than names, [br]like "before" and "after",

0:06:20.361,0:06:23.111
"cause" and "effect",[br]"bigger" and "smaller".

0:06:23.111,0:06:26.837
And little kids break free [br]from the formal properties of events.

0:06:26.837,0:06:29.497
A little kid thinks a nickel [br]is bigger than a dime,

0:06:29.505,0:06:34.255
but a four, five, and six-year-old [br]know a dime is bigger than a nickel.

0:06:34.684,0:06:35.734
But wait a minute.

0:06:35.737,0:06:37.857
If a dime can be bigger than a nickel,

0:06:38.703,0:06:43.433
then no matter how successful you are, [br]maybe it’s not big enough.

0:06:44.158,0:06:47.318
You should have been so much more.

0:06:47.752,0:06:53.998
This same problem-solving tool[br]that we’ve got can turn on us,

0:06:54.338,0:06:55.858
and it does.

0:06:55.858,0:06:58.749
And what are you going to do when it does?

0:06:58.749,0:07:00.782
Let me just show you some of the problems

0:07:00.782,0:07:05.622
of just trying to rely on problem-solving [br]only to put on the brakes.

0:07:05.986,0:07:07.926
Take an example like this:

0:07:08.378,0:07:12.598
I don’t want you to think of jelly donuts [br]that are filled with crème filling.

0:07:13.675,0:07:17.147
So when that thought comes in your mind [br]or you look at that and see that,

0:07:17.147,0:07:20.233
I don’t want you to think of that;[br]don’t think of that, it’s bad.

0:07:20.233,0:07:22.005
It’s important you not think of that.

0:07:22.005,0:07:25.315
What I suggest you think of [br]instead are hats.

0:07:25.734,0:07:28.584
So when you think[br]of donuts, think of hats.

0:07:29.128,0:07:30.783
Hats; remember hats.

0:07:30.783,0:07:32.633
Think of donuts, think of hats. [br]

0:07:32.633,0:07:34.350
Hats, hats.

0:07:34.350,0:07:35.990
You get it? You got it?

0:07:36.727,0:07:40.487
Now it is true in the moment [br]that you’re thinking of hats,

0:07:40.487,0:07:42.942
it seems like this works.

0:07:43.784,0:07:46.954
This is where obsessive-compulsive [br]disorder comes from,

0:07:47.443,0:07:49.711
as we push it away, [br]push it away, push it away.

0:07:49.711,0:07:51.748
But I can show you that that’s not real.

0:07:51.748,0:07:54.077
That sense that you’ve got it [br]under control now,

0:07:54.077,0:07:59.507
this logical problem-solving mode of mind [br]has eliminated that bad donut,

0:08:00.833,0:08:02.707
I’ll show you it’s not true.

0:08:02.707,0:08:04.502
What comes to mind if I say this?

0:08:04.502,0:08:07.940
Black...white, right?

0:08:07.940,0:08:11.280
Hot...cold, right?

0:08:11.280,0:08:13.755
Hats...

0:08:13.755,0:08:15.945
(Laughter)

0:08:15.945,0:08:17.535
Donuts.

0:08:17.535,0:08:19.919
(Laughter)

0:08:19.919,0:08:22.049
That’s how fast it happens.

0:08:23.258,0:08:27.576
Learn it in one, derive it in two,[br]put it in networks.

0:08:27.576,0:08:29.592
The network is now bigger,

0:08:29.592,0:08:34.412
and just because you say “is not a” [br]doesn’t mean that it’s not related.

0:08:34.412,0:08:37.750
Opposite is a relation,[br]different is a relation.

0:08:38.511,0:08:41.001
And so the network’s gotten bigger.

0:08:41.251,0:08:44.391
And now hats will remind you of donuts.

0:08:44.607,0:08:46.700
I’ve now put that in your head.

0:08:46.700,0:08:48.884
(Laughter)

0:08:49.264,0:08:51.616
And other people are putting [br]things in your head.

0:08:51.616,0:08:55.497
It wouldn’t be so bad if everything [br]in our head we put in there, but we don’t.

0:08:55.862,0:09:01.324
The television screen, or your sibling,[br]or a parent when they’re really mad

0:09:01.324,0:09:04.064
and criticizing you, or just things [br]that occur to you;

0:09:04.064,0:09:05.420
things go into your head.

0:09:05.420,0:09:07.374
And once they go in, that’s an issue.

0:09:07.374,0:09:08.704
Suppose I were to tell you,

0:09:08.704,0:09:10.405
- this is to see how fast it happens -

0:09:10.815,0:09:13.252
I’ve got three numbers [br]that I want you to remember.

0:09:13.252,0:09:16.812
And the TED Talk people in cooperation [br]with the Davidson Academy,

0:09:17.184,0:09:18.891
maybe the Davidsons themselves,

0:09:18.891,0:09:21.633
have given me the money [br]such that when I ask you

0:09:21.633,0:09:24.677
what the numbers are that I’m about [br]to give you a week from now,

0:09:24.677,0:09:26.952
if you remember them, [br]I’ll give you $10,000,

0:09:26.952,0:09:27.882
so it’s really important.[br]

0:09:27.882,0:09:29.399
Here are the numbers:

0:09:29.399,0:09:31.289
One, two, three.

0:09:32.234,0:09:33.314
Now don’t forget it.

0:09:33.314,0:09:34.782
Ten grand is on the line.

0:09:34.782,0:09:37.540
So if I tap you on the shoulder [br]a week from now and I say,

0:09:37.540,0:09:39.340
“What are the numbers?” you will say…

0:09:39.748,0:09:42.845
One, two, three; good, don’t forget it;[br]it’s really important.

0:09:44.025,0:09:46.965
I lied; there’s no money.

0:09:46.965,0:09:48.635
(Laughter)

0:09:49.205,0:09:53.359
But do you doubt that a week from now [br]if I came up and said,

0:09:53.359,0:09:55.359
“What are the numbers?” You could tell me?

0:09:56.236,0:09:58.336
How many people think you [br]couldn’t tell me?

0:09:59.252,0:10:00.782
How about a month from now?

0:10:01.260,0:10:04.503
Are there people in here weird enough[br]that a month from now

0:10:04.503,0:10:06.843
you’ve taken up that gray[br]matter, and that white,

0:10:06.843,0:10:09.619
you’ve got one, two, three[br]in your head? Really?

0:10:10.259,0:10:11.929
How about a year from now?

0:10:12.295,0:10:14.125
There’s some people in here a year...

0:10:14.233,0:10:17.513
How about on your deathbed [br]with a really old man?

0:10:17.986,0:10:19.686
“What are your numbers?”

0:10:19.686,0:10:21.496
(Laughter)

0:10:21.496,0:10:23.324
Why?

0:10:24.374,0:10:27.604
Just because I said it, that’s enough.

0:10:27.604,0:10:30.714
Because that’s the way [br]the human nervous system works.

0:10:31.186,0:10:34.624
It’s like having a calculator [br]where there’s no minus button,

0:10:34.624,0:10:40.934
and there’s no delete button, just pluses [br]and equals and multiplies.

0:10:40.942,0:10:42.542
Once in, it stays in.

0:10:42.542,0:10:44.145
I can tell you as a psychologist,

0:10:44.145,0:10:47.595
there is no process in psychology [br]called "unlearning".

0:10:48.851,0:10:51.351
There’s extinction, et cetera,[br]but that’s inhibition.

0:10:51.351,0:10:52.451
That’s not unlearning.

0:10:52.451,0:10:54.747
You can learn it again faster [br]the next time,

0:10:54.747,0:10:58.427
even if you’ve forgotten it, which means [br]it must be there somewhere.

0:10:58.760,0:11:03.726
One, two, three will be in your head [br]for the rest of your life.

0:11:03.726,0:11:05.506
(Laughter)

0:11:06.126,0:11:08.666
But suppose it was something[br]really painful.

0:11:09.772,0:11:12.472
Suppose it’s your girlfriend saying, [br]“I don’t want you.”

0:11:15.229,0:11:18.739
Suppose you’ve been betrayed [br]in some deep way.

0:11:20.045,0:11:23.303
There’s no place else for that to go.

0:11:23.303,0:11:25.193
And when it gets up close,

0:11:25.193,0:11:28.638
when that voice starts telling you [br]that you’re unlivable;

0:11:28.638,0:11:31.338
that you’re unlovable [br]and life’s unlivable,

0:11:31.832,0:11:35.379
when that happens, you’re going [br]to need to put on the brakes.

0:11:35.379,0:11:39.119
And this little ditty orients us [br]towards where that might be.

0:11:39.119,0:11:42.829
It’s not the “learn it in one, [br]derive it in two, network” part.

0:11:42.829,0:11:45.934
You’re just building networks when [br]you’re arguing with yourself.

0:11:45.934,0:11:49.035
True, if you don’t have information, [br]okay, get the information.

0:11:49.035,0:11:51.224
If you just need to think [br]more flexibly, okay.

0:11:51.224,0:11:53.874
But most of the things [br]that we really struggle with,

0:11:53.882,0:11:56.263
we’re thinking that we’re going [br]to get an eraser,

0:11:56.263,0:11:58.493
or a delete button,[br]and that doesn’t exist.

0:11:58.499,0:12:00.753
But the last line tells us what we can do:[br]

0:12:00.963,0:12:03.413
change what we do.

0:12:03.413,0:12:06.622
There are ways of changing [br]how your thoughts function,

0:12:06.622,0:12:09.472
how they work when they show up.

0:12:10.640,0:12:11.940
What are the numbers?

0:12:11.956,0:12:14.289
(Laughter)

0:12:14.289,0:12:18.299
We’ve been riding this tiger[br]of language and cognition

0:12:18.310,0:12:21.643
as long as homo sapiens[br]exist, and probably,

0:12:21.643,0:12:23.940
based on brain size, [br]some of the early hominids.

0:12:23.940,0:12:26.000
That’s probably 400,000 years old.

0:12:26.252,0:12:28.930
We know it’s not more than [br]2.8 million years old

0:12:28.930,0:12:31.090
because the chimpanzees don’t do this.

0:12:32.157,0:12:33.107
But we do.

0:12:33.428,0:12:36.567
But we’ve been riding this tiger [br]and been trying to figure it out.

0:12:36.567,0:12:38.617
And, actually, if you want[br]to pick one place

0:12:38.617,0:12:41.413
as to where we might get some[br]ideas about what to do,

0:12:41.413,0:12:44.896
it’s not going to be in the [br]problem-solving part of our culture;

0:12:44.896,0:12:46.586
it’s in the wisdom traditions.

0:12:47.384,0:12:49.924
It’s in our spiritual [br]and religious traditions.

0:12:50.227,0:12:53.114
And that will help us orient [br]towards what the process is.

0:12:53.114,0:12:54.791
How do we change what we do?

0:12:54.791,0:12:58.371
And once you see that, [br]then you can see there’s other ways

0:12:58.877,0:13:00.503
that are outside those traditions.

0:13:00.503,0:13:04.157
And we’ve come up with them in the work [br]on RFT and ACT and tested them.

0:13:04.157,0:13:05.965
Everything I’m going to tell you about

0:13:05.965,0:13:08.415
has been tested [br]in multiple scientific studies,

0:13:08.415,0:13:14.175
literally hundreds of studies on RFT [br]and close to 1,000 studies on ACT.

0:13:14.185,0:13:15.942
So let’s just take this first one

0:13:15.942,0:13:19.272
that does directly come out of the [br]spiritual and religious traditions,

0:13:19.277,0:13:21.817
which is mindful awareness of thoughts,

0:13:21.817,0:13:23.833
because it will help us see the principle.

0:13:24.378,0:13:26.080
If anybody’s in here a meditator,

0:13:26.080,0:13:30.070
you know that your job[br]is to simply watch your thoughts

0:13:30.070,0:13:34.383
unfold as a process with a sense [br]of dispassionate observation.

0:13:34.991,0:13:38.001
You don’t have to put a big religious [br]wraparound to do that.

0:13:38.001,0:13:39.354
Anyone in here could do it.

0:13:39.354,0:13:42.906
You could do it by simply watching [br]the clouds in the sky go by,

0:13:42.906,0:13:46.109
and with each thought that shows up,[br]stick another one in the cloud.

0:13:46.109,0:13:48.557
Don’t push it away; the cloud[br]goes at its own speed.

0:13:48.557,0:13:51.047
Don’t cling to it;[br]you’re not controlling the clouds.

0:13:51.047,0:13:54.493
Just put it there and let it go,[br]if it comes back again, put another one.

0:13:54.493,0:13:57.053
Or pick anything, [br]like cars going by on the freeway

0:13:57.053,0:14:01.033
or leaves floating by on the stream;[br]practice this, and you’ll get this sense.

0:14:01.033,0:14:02.362
And what is the sense?

0:14:02.362,0:14:03.604
That’s where the brake is.

0:14:03.604,0:14:08.283
Here’s what the sense is:[br]to watch your mind do its work

0:14:08.283,0:14:13.003
with a sense of distance [br]and dispassionate curiosity.

0:14:13.843,0:14:17.133
Not to buy into the thoughts[br]and look at the world structured by it,

0:14:17.133,0:14:20.578
but to watch the process [br]of thinking in flight,

0:14:20.578,0:14:25.128
and that’s what you’re doing with your [br]contemplation and meditation.

0:14:26.168,0:14:29.208
That puts on the brakes.

0:14:29.875,0:14:34.255
It’s just like watching a spider weave [br]a web, a little cognitive web.

0:14:34.590,0:14:35.940
Look at that. [br]

0:14:35.940,0:14:38.078
Isn’t that interesting?

0:14:38.078,0:14:39.919
That puts on the brakes.

0:14:39.919,0:14:44.239
And if that’s what’s going on here, yes, [br]of course contemplative practice,

0:14:44.239,0:14:46.909
I suggest it to everybody,[br]it’s a good thing to do.

0:14:46.909,0:14:50.786
But I’m going to give you some things [br]that will seem silly, that will seem odd.

0:14:50.786,0:14:55.296
but I’ve been shown in scientific [br]research to be of some help.

0:14:55.653,0:15:00.023
My first suggestion;[br]give your mind a name.

0:15:02.261,0:15:04.116
If it’s named, it’s different than you,

0:15:04.116,0:15:08.016
you can listen to it with a sense [br]of distance and watch it babble on

0:15:08.016,0:15:09.176
and make some choices;[br]

0:15:09.176,0:15:11.084
are you going to be guided by it or not?

0:15:11.084,0:15:13.142
Sometimes it has good[br]advice, sometimes bad.

0:15:13.142,0:15:16.112
You don’t have to argue with it[br]or make it stop talking to you.

0:15:16.112,0:15:17.879
You don’t have to change its opinion.

0:15:17.879,0:15:21.632
Just go, “Okay, thank you, George;[br]What else you got to say?

0:15:21.632,0:15:23.473
Uh, okay. Thank you.” [br]

0:15:23.813,0:15:25.543
I call my mind "George".

0:15:26.013,0:15:28.628
If you don’t like George, [br]pick your own name.

0:15:28.628,0:15:33.313
If you don’t have one come to mind, [br]you can pick Mr. Mind or Ms. Mind

0:15:33.313,0:15:38.175
and literally get a bit of separation[br]when you’re having that painful thought,

0:15:38.215,0:15:40.509
recognize this is your mind [br]talking to you.

0:15:40.509,0:15:43.835
And some of this may be things [br]you came by honestly, things you heard.

0:15:43.835,0:15:45.105
What are the numbers?

0:15:45.107,0:15:48.067
It isn’t necessarily anything [br]you have to do anything about.

0:15:50.270,0:15:53.532
If you have a thought up on you and [br]you need to put it out there,

0:15:53.532,0:15:54.704
not to make it go away,

0:15:54.704,0:15:59.349
but just you can see it as it is, instead [br]of just seeing the world structured by it.

0:15:59.349,0:16:00.619
Same with a thought.

0:16:02.050,0:16:04.616
If you’re having a thought, [br]an archetypal bad thought,

0:16:04.616,0:16:08.446
like “I’m bad, I’m really bad,” and you’re[br]really feeling down on yourself,

0:16:09.381,0:16:12.421
I suggest singing that thought.

0:16:13.094,0:16:16.794
In absence of any other suggestion, [br]how about to “Happy Birthday”?

0:16:17.573,0:16:20.983
(Singing to tune of "Happy Birthday")[br]"I’m really, really, really bad.

0:16:20.983,0:16:23.343
I’m really, really, really bad.

0:16:24.193,0:16:29.508
I’m really, really, really, really, really[br]I’m really, really, really bad."

0:16:29.508,0:16:30.548
(ends singing)

0:16:30.548,0:16:31.488
(Laughter)

0:16:31.488,0:16:32.553
Thank you, George.

0:16:32.553,0:16:34.651
(Laughter)

0:16:35.461,0:16:38.023
This is not to ridicule your mind.[br]I’m not doing that.

0:16:38.023,0:16:40.803
It’s just to remind you [br]that it’s just a voice talking.

0:16:41.464,0:16:42.965
And whether you do with it,

0:16:42.965,0:16:46.297
base it on your heart and your values [br]and what works in the situation,

0:16:46.297,0:16:49.708
not just on the automatic[br]pilot, the push-pull,

0:16:49.708,0:16:54.161
click-click of learning it in one [br]direction, deriving it in two,

0:16:54.161,0:16:55.469
and putting it in networks.

0:16:55.469,0:16:58.889
You can’t trust that problem-solving mode [br]to give you the right answer.

0:16:59.382,0:17:02.482
Here’s one, and I’m going to ask[br]for some audience participation.

0:17:02.482,0:17:06.088
You’re going to have to help me here[br]or I’m going to look really stupid.

0:17:06.275,0:17:07.749
This was invented by Titchener,

0:17:07.749,0:17:11.486
a father of American psychology [br]more than 100 years ago,

0:17:11.486,0:17:13.576
or actually, exactly 100 years ago.

0:17:14.302,0:17:16.692
And he had this theory[br]of language and cognition

0:17:16.692,0:17:18.088
that oriented towards what?

0:17:18.088,0:17:22.485
This idea that, if you took language out [br]of context, it would lose its meaning.

0:17:22.485,0:17:25.765
And the way he did that, [br]in public talks and demonstrations,

0:17:25.765,0:17:29.454
he would have people repeat [br]a word out loud really fast.

0:17:29.454,0:17:30.895
We’ve done the research on it.

0:17:30.895,0:17:32.922
You get a diminishment of distress,

0:17:32.922,0:17:36.132
a diminishment of believability [br]at about 30 seconds.

0:17:36.530,0:17:39.579
And so I’m going to do it just 20, [br]because you’ll get the sense,

0:17:39.579,0:17:42.119
and I don’t want to drive[br]people crazy on YouTube.

0:17:42.338,0:17:44.797
But what I’m asking you [br]to do is to take a word.

0:17:44.797,0:17:45.797
We’ll take milk.

0:17:45.797,0:17:48.534
Why? Because most of us [br]know what that’s like.

0:17:48.534,0:17:52.003
And take just a minute [br]to think of what milk is like;

0:17:52.003,0:17:55.083
what it tastes like, what it smells[br]like, what it looks like.

0:17:55.961,0:17:59.881
Cold milk, white milk, [br]the perceptual functions.

0:18:00.235,0:18:02.794
And then the thing I’m going[br]to ask you to do with me,

0:18:02.794,0:18:06.864
I’ll do it with you, [br]so I’ll be as foolish as you are,

0:18:07.439,0:18:11.299
is to say the word milk out loud,[br]fast, for 20 seconds.

0:18:11.299,0:18:15.477
And then just see what happens to white, [br]cold, creamy, glug-glug stuff.

0:18:15.477,0:18:19.662
Are you willing to be complete idiots [br]for just 20 seconds?

0:18:19.662,0:18:20.692
Help me out here.

0:18:20.692,0:18:22.407
You willing? [br]All right.

0:18:22.407,0:18:24.117
Ready, set, go.

0:18:24.117,0:18:24.829
Loud.

0:18:24.829,0:18:29.699
[Everyone repeats “milk” for 20 seconds.]

0:18:29.699,0:18:30.819
A little louder.

0:18:35.159,0:18:36.319
A little faster.

0:18:39.322,0:18:42.957
Okay; the longest[br]20 seconds of the whole talk.

0:18:42.957,0:18:44.537
(Laughter)

0:18:44.857,0:18:48.507
What happened to white, creamy, [br]cold glug-glug stuff?

0:18:49.127,0:18:52.095
It started going away, [br]it started going away.

0:18:52.095,0:18:53.385
And other things showed up,

0:18:53.385,0:18:56.097
like how hard it is to say that word [br]over and over again.

0:18:56.097,0:18:57.665
Your mouth started getting tired.

0:18:57.665,0:19:00.215
And the weird sound;[br]isn’t it a weird sound?

0:19:00.775,0:19:03.941
But look, some of these difficult thoughts[br]are just programmed,

0:19:03.941,0:19:05.271
like what are the numbers?[br]

0:19:05.271,0:19:06.393
One, two, three.

0:19:06.393,0:19:09.703
At one level they’re nothing [br]other than sounds.

0:19:09.703,0:19:11.977
You’re going to turn [br]your life over to that?

0:19:12.580,0:19:13.750
Really? [br]

0:19:14.000,0:19:15.467
It’s not safe.

0:19:15.467,0:19:17.117
Put on the brakes.

0:19:17.676,0:19:21.156
So if you have “bad” up[br]on you, do 30 seconds.

0:19:21.156,0:19:25.236
It turns out 30 is about right,[br]really fast, on bad.

0:19:26.351,0:19:30.337
I gave a talk at Stanford;[br]it was to a large, prestigious group.

0:19:30.337,0:19:33.006
I was talking about the amount[br]of money that we’d spent

0:19:33.006,0:19:35.716
on sleeping medications [br]and how it’s gone up to about

0:19:36.764,0:19:40.367
well, the slide said three, and what [br]I should have said is, "Three billion,"

0:19:40.367,0:19:43.720
and instead I said, [br]“It’s gone up to three trillion dollars.”

0:19:43.720,0:19:45.282
(Laughter)

0:19:45.282,0:19:48.533
Then I went home to my hotel[br]and I went to sleep.

0:19:48.533,0:19:52.105
And at 3:00 in the morning [br]I sat up bolt upright and said,

0:19:52.105,0:19:55.445
“Three trillion dollars, you idiot! [br]

0:19:55.445,0:19:56.665
(Laughter)

0:19:56.665,0:19:58.545
That’s not right.”

0:19:58.545,0:20:01.223
I leapt out of the bed,[br]I’m marching back and forth.

0:20:01.223,0:20:04.387
“They probably recorded it;[br]I did it at Stanford.”

0:20:04.387,0:20:06.377
(Laughter)

0:20:07.387,0:20:10.497
I said, “You’re stupid;[br]how stupid could you be?”

0:20:10.497,0:20:13.788
And that reminded me of word repetition.

0:20:13.788,0:20:16.727
If you just said over and over again,[br]“How stupid can you be?”

0:20:16.727,0:20:19.169
there’s enough gaps there, [br]that keeps its meaning.

0:20:19.169,0:20:24.118
But instead I sat on the bed [br]and really fast said out loud, to nobody,

0:20:24.118,0:20:26.515
“Stupid, stupid, stupid, [br]stupid, stupid, stupid,

0:20:26.515,0:20:28.231
stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid."

0:20:28.231,0:20:29.761
And then I went to sleep.

0:20:29.761,0:20:32.143
(Laughter)

0:20:32.143,0:20:34.783
I recommend it; it’s a brake.

0:20:36.486,0:20:40.666
Oh, dear; here’s one[br]that seems very, very silly,

0:20:41.200,0:20:43.350
but it makes a very dramatic difference.

0:20:43.648,0:20:47.348
If you have a difficult thought that’s up [br]on you, say it in different voices,

0:20:47.348,0:20:49.977
maybe your least preferred politician.

0:20:50.552,0:20:52.370
I won’t guess who that might be.

0:20:52.370,0:20:54.529
(Laughter)

0:20:54.529,0:20:57.802
Or if you don’t like that, [br]how about a cartoon character?

0:20:57.802,0:21:01.193
If we were taking that thought like, [br]“I’m bad, I’m really, really bad,”

0:21:01.193,0:21:04.255
I guarantee you it will feel a little[br]different if you’re saying,

0:21:04.255,0:21:07.885
“I’m bad. I’m really bad.”

0:21:07.885,0:21:10.244
(Laughter)

0:21:10.244,0:21:13.025
Now be careful; I’m not telling you[br]to ridicule your mind.

0:21:13.025,0:21:14.120
Really, I’m not.

0:21:14.120,0:21:17.549
And at the very end I’ll explain a way [br]to make sure that comes together.

0:21:17.549,0:21:22.189
It’s to get a little separation, [br]to get some air in the room.

0:21:22.986,0:21:24.096
Slow it down,[br]

0:21:24.096,0:21:26.273
so you can make some choices.

0:21:26.273,0:21:29.009
If you’ve already done the work [br]and you’re really tired

0:21:29.009,0:21:32.683
you’re sick and tired of a particular [br]self-criticism or self-evaluation

0:21:32.683,0:21:34.082
and you’re ready to let it go

0:21:34.082,0:21:36.402
don’t do this until you’ve done the work,

0:21:36.402,0:21:39.552
because the final step[br]is kind of a public declaration

0:21:39.882,0:21:44.140
as a way of taking that deep, dark secret [br]and sharing it with others,

0:21:44.140,0:21:49.600
because it turns out the big joke [br]is our secrets are the same secrets.

0:21:50.588,0:21:53.396
Write it out and stick it[br]on your chest on a sticky note,

0:21:53.396,0:21:56.076
or if you really want to, [br]order it for a t-shirt.

0:21:56.081,0:21:57.671
And just see what happens. [br]

0:21:57.671,0:21:59.785
Just wear it out in public.

0:21:59.785,0:22:03.480
And I guarantee you that thing[br]is going to drain out the energy,

0:22:03.480,0:22:05.320
almost by the minute.

0:22:05.610,0:22:10.784
Robyn Walser, an ACT person in Palo Alto,[br]came up with this working with veterans

0:22:10.784,0:22:14.624
who have to face some really difficult, [br]really difficult thoughts.

0:22:14.624,0:22:17.459
We ask our soldiers[br]to do such tough things.

0:22:17.459,0:22:21.199
And they’re having things [br]like "murderer" on their chest.

0:22:22.280,0:22:26.511
And by God, you know, [br]I’m not going to run around

0:22:26.511,0:22:29.871
and have that running[br]my life anymore, here.

0:22:30.153,0:22:34.400
They wore it almost like [br]boy scout badges, yeah?

0:22:34.400,0:22:37.648
The first time I ever did it,[br]when I heard that Robyn was doing this,

0:22:37.648,0:22:40.684
I was giving a workshop [br]at a church camp up at Lake Tahoe,

0:22:40.684,0:22:42.694
and I wrote down the word “mean.”

0:22:43.436,0:22:46.425
And I remembered[br]this memory of being caught

0:22:46.425,0:22:50.906
when I was about six years old with a [br]magnifying glass at El Cajon, California

0:22:50.906,0:22:55.014
figuring out how fast tarantulas go [br]if you really heat up their rear end.

0:22:55.014,0:22:56.534
(Laughter)

0:22:56.534,0:22:59.457
And the look on my mother’s face [br]to this day, Iike...

0:22:59.457,0:23:00.537
(Grimaces)

0:23:00.537,0:23:02.417
I’m really bad.

0:23:02.417,0:23:05.227
You know, that’s the kind[br]of weird thing little boys do.

0:23:05.739,0:23:09.129
And, yeah, I shouldn’t do that[br]to spiders, I get that.

0:23:09.406,0:23:13.597
But here I am in my 60s or 50s by then,

0:23:13.597,0:23:17.215
walking around with “I’m mean” [br]for the rest of my life.

0:23:17.215,0:23:18.215
Really?

0:23:18.215,0:23:20.125
So I stuck it on my chest.

0:23:20.125,0:23:21.795
But it was so hard.

0:23:21.795,0:23:26.807
When we took a break and I went [br]to get coffee from the church camp cook,

0:23:26.807,0:23:28.927
I went like this so that [br]he wouldn’t see it.

0:23:28.927,0:23:30.823
(Laughter)

0:23:30.823,0:23:33.871
And now it’s completely gone;[br]I get it, I get I have a history.

0:23:33.871,0:23:34.781
Okay.

0:23:34.781,0:23:37.354
But I’m not mean.

0:23:37.544,0:23:40.904
I’m not going to be running from [br]mean for the rest of my life.

0:23:42.529,0:23:45.158
An easier way to do it, [br]a little small version on this,

0:23:45.158,0:23:48.548
is put it on your screensavers, [br]the kind that have words come up.

0:23:48.548,0:23:50.944
Take difficult thoughts, [br]put it on screensaver,

0:23:50.944,0:23:54.360
give yourself a regular opportunity [br]to notice those thoughts and see:

0:23:54.360,0:23:56.220
does that really have to run your life?

0:23:57.062,0:24:00.552
My students, I’m sure it was them,[br]snuck into my office over here.

0:24:00.871,0:24:04.660
And I’m sure they did it, [br]because I’m in there having a meeting.

0:24:04.660,0:24:06.160
I look over at my computer.

0:24:06.160,0:24:09.526
And it says over there, “Deep down,[br]there’s something wrong with you.”

0:24:09.526,0:24:11.851
(Laughter)

0:24:11.851,0:24:13.971
I’m going to eventually [br]find out who did it,

0:24:13.971,0:24:15.924
don’t think I’m not.[br]

0:24:15.924,0:24:17.754
Somebody snuck in.

0:24:19.344,0:24:22.414
I said that I would try to get [br]the emotional feeling for it,

0:24:22.414,0:24:26.153
and I want to finish my last example [br]of hundreds that we have developed.

0:24:26.153,0:24:30.293
You can access it in these self-help books[br]and so forth under the ACT work.

0:24:32.483,0:24:35.039
If you have something [br]that is really up like this,

0:24:35.039,0:24:37.219
that has a history that goes [br]back a long way,

0:24:38.190,0:24:40.812
picture yourself as young as you can go

0:24:40.812,0:24:43.352
having a thought [br]like that or things like it.

0:24:43.658,0:24:47.267
And take a little time to picture [br]what you looked like at that age:

0:24:47.267,0:24:49.647
what your hair was like, [br]what you dressed like.

0:24:50.519,0:24:53.780
And then, in imagination have those words[br]

0:24:53.780,0:24:57.040
come out of that child’s voice,

0:24:57.040,0:25:00.500
out of that child in the voice of a child.

0:25:01.596,0:25:04.374
And I guarantee you,[br]it will stab you through the heart.

0:25:04.374,0:25:06.631
To hear some of the things [br]we say to ourselves,

0:25:06.631,0:25:08.789
when you hear it out [br]of the mouth of a child.

0:25:08.789,0:25:13.576
And it will pull from you the kind[br]of self-compassion and kindness

0:25:13.576,0:25:16.436
that is the purpose[br]of these kinds of methods.

0:25:16.436,0:25:17.946
This is not about ridicule.

0:25:18.631,0:25:23.351
This is about learning how to deal [br]with a language tiger

0:25:23.902,0:25:28.972
and to ride it, without having it run you [br]right off the edge of the cliff.

0:25:30.221,0:25:32.392
So I’m giving you just some ideas

0:25:32.392,0:25:36.312
in the surprising science [br]of where the mental brakes are.

0:25:36.573,0:25:38.442
They’re not in just figuring it out

0:25:38.442,0:25:40.842
and evaluate it and making[br]your thoughts change.

0:25:41.213,0:25:45.363
They’re more in taking a self-kind, [br]compassionate posture,

0:25:45.363,0:25:48.456
and looking at that little[br]mental spider doing its work

0:25:48.456,0:25:51.866
with an attitude [br]of dispassionate curiosity.

0:25:52.497,0:25:54.467
Let your mind do what it’s doing,

0:25:54.852,0:25:58.472
but figure out when it’s pushing you [br]in the wrong direction,

0:25:58.472,0:26:00.342
how to put on the mental brakes.

0:26:00.664,0:26:03.464
You need that skill; we all do.

0:26:03.796,0:26:07.113
And mental brakes avoid mental breaks.

0:26:07.113,0:26:08.813
I hope I’ve been useful to you.[br]

0:26:08.813,0:26:09.639
Thanks.

0:26:09.639,0:26:12.099
(Applause)