0:00:00.969,0:00:31.031 (John Williams-esque score) 0:00:31.031,0:00:35.282 Article 7, Section 3 allows for a citizen filibuster. 0:00:35.282,0:00:41.033 If I stand here and refuse to yield my time, you are prohibited from voting on the bill. 0:00:41.033,0:00:46.003 Ahem. Let the filibustering begin. 0:00:46.003,0:00:53.969 As many of you have noted, that use the Internet, it has been announced that Disney has acquired the rights to the Star Wars franchise, 0:00:53.969,0:01:00.746 and in the summer of 2015, we will see the release of Star Wars Episode 7. 0:01:00.746,0:01:04.853 Herewith is my proposal for the plot of that movie. 0:01:04.853,0:01:12.496 Begin with standard title sequence and John Wiliams fanfare, followed by a scroll to be written. 0:01:12.496,0:01:17.374 I would like to mention that Brian DePalma wrote the original scroll for Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope; 0:01:17.374,0:01:22.239 I think it would be a nice nod to the franchise if he were to write this opening scroll. 0:01:22.239,0:01:25.747 Then, pan down from the twin suns of Tatooine. 0:01:25.747,0:01:29.337 We are close on the mouth of the Sarlacc pit. 0:01:29.337,0:01:38.009 After a beat, the gloved Mandalorian armor gauntlet of Boba Fett grabs onto the sand outside the Sarlacc pit, 0:01:38.009,0:01:44.151 and the feared bounty hunter pulls himself from the maw of the sand beast. 0:01:44.151,0:01:45.113 Leslie: OK, this is exactly -- 0:01:45.113,0:01:51.960 PO: And we realize that he survived his fall during the battle at Jabba's palace-ship. 0:01:51.960,0:02:00.404 Then do a hard cut to a repurposed Imperial Destroyer, which has now been taken over by the Rebels. 0:02:00.404,0:02:11.062 Commander Luke Skywalker, now a full Jedi Knight, training new Padawans, is using, ironically, his father Anakin's red lightsaber, 0:02:11.062,0:02:19.480 which will be a symbolic, I think, visual for his battle with how to both bring about the new Jedi order 0:02:19.480,0:02:24.254 while still acknowledging his father's fall from grace. 0:02:24.254,0:02:26.580 Leslie: This is exac-- 0:02:26.580,0:02:33.255 PO: AS HE IS training the Padawans, we pan outside the control window to a nearby asteroid, 0:02:33.255,0:02:37.087 where we see, and PLEASE allow me to finish this, because it's gonna seem like a bit of a jump, 0:02:37.163,0:02:43.548 we see THANOS, who was the villain teased at the end of the first Avengers movie. 0:02:43.564,0:02:45.945 Now, Thanos, as you know, owns the Infinity Gauntlet, 0:02:46.121,0:02:51.924 which has the Time Gem, the Mind Gem, the Power Gem, the Space Gem, and the Reality Gem. 0:02:51.924,0:02:57.264 If he holds the Reality Gem, that means he can jump from different realities. 0:02:57.264,0:03:02.111 THIS will be our link to the Marvel universe from the Star Wars universe. 0:03:02.111,0:03:06.687 We then cut to Earth. Tony Stark realizes -- 0:03:06.687,0:03:08.149 Leslie: OK, OK. 0:03:08.149,0:03:09.471 PO: TONY STARK REALIZES -- 0:03:09.471,0:03:12.890 Leslie: THIS IS SOMEONE THAT -- I know who that is. I know who that is. 0:03:12.890,0:03:14.639 Leslie: This is the first person I've known. 0:03:14.639,0:03:18.123 PO: (sigh) Tony Stark realizes -- I do not recognize the chair -- 0:03:18.123,0:03:25.416 that there has been a disturbance in what he will call a "time riven," for the time being. 0:03:25.416,0:03:29.741 I will allow JJ Abrams to think of a better term for this. 0:03:29.741,0:03:35.035 And he then starts to assemble the cream of the Marvel Universe. 0:03:35.035,0:03:40.219 NOT the second-tier superheroes that we saw in the first Avengers movie. 0:03:40.219,0:03:43.766 I'm sorry, but Hawkeye and Black Widow are not first-tier. 0:03:43.766,0:03:48.023 He would go find, HELLO, Spider-Man, Spider-Man exists in that universe. 0:03:48.023,0:03:50.842 He would go find Moon Knight. He would go find Daredevil. 0:03:50.842,0:04:00.438 He would go find Hercules, and then that could bring in the entire pantheon of Greek gods that we saw in Clash and Wrath of the Titans. 0:04:00.438,0:04:04.843 So now we have a giant three-franchise tie-in! 0:04:04.843,0:04:08.101 Now, cut back to the Imperial Star Destroyer. 0:04:08.101,0:04:12.263 Luke gets a visit from, and we only show this from the boots up first, 0:04:12.263,0:04:15.283 so we show these, like, black boots, and then we pan up, and 0:04:15.283,0:04:21.428 oh my god, it's Han Solo, but he's older and grizzled, and really, like, focused and cool, 0:04:21.428,0:04:24.522 like, he's seen some really bad stuff, and he actually seems shaken. 0:04:24.522,0:04:27.264 And Luke's like, "What's wrong, old buddy?" 0:04:27.264,0:04:32.725 And that's when Han drops CHEWBACCA'S SEVERED HEAD onto the floor! Yes! 0:04:32.725,0:04:35.176 Leslie: No way! Kids aren't gonna like it! 0:04:35.176,0:04:36.417 PO: On the floor in front of the Padawans! 0:04:36.417,0:04:37.221 Leslie: Kids aren't gonna -- 0:04:37.221,0:04:39.197 PO: PLEASE LET ME FINISH THANK YOU. 0:04:39.197,0:04:49.527 PO: The Padawans are all horrified, and uh, uh, and Han says that the planet Kashyyyk has been destroyed by this very mysterious force. 0:04:49.527,0:04:56.847 Now, we know, oh, this was Thanos. Thanos is beginning to, y'know, gather power in this new universe. 0:04:56.847,0:05:03.094 So, while they take Chewie's head down to -- 'cause we've seen, y'know, that they can build new bodies -- 0:05:03.094,0:05:07.097 they're gonna build Chewie this really cool robot -- I'm thinking spider body? 0:05:07.097,0:05:10.977 Like a cool spider body with Chewie's head and ion cannons on it? 0:05:10.977,0:05:16.162 But that will be -- he'll come back -- that'll be the post-credits tease of this film. 0:05:16.162,0:05:19.811 So keep that in mind; I don't want you guys bummed out, Chewbacca's not dead, he will come back. 0:05:19.811,0:05:25.236 Then, uh, then Han, then Luke looks down and Han's wedding ring is gone. 0:05:25.236,0:05:26.782 "Hey, what happened with you and Leia?" 0:05:26.782,0:05:28.619 And Han's like, "Don't even get me started on that." 0:05:28.619,0:05:32.969 So now where did Leia go? Where did Leia go? She's not gone, but we will find out -- 0:05:32.969,0:05:36.349 Leslie: The female part's a little underwritten so far, sir! I'd like to point that out. 0:05:36.349,0:05:42.919 PO: Citizen filibuster, thank you. And really, thank you for respecting our town laws by interrupting me during this. 0:05:42.919,0:05:44.285 Where was I. Yes. 0:05:44.285,0:05:45.512 Leslie: This is exactly why we need to -- 0:05:45.512,0:05:53.013 PO: THEN AT THE EDGE of the uh, Star Destroyer's orbit, suddenly the Time Riven begins wavering, 0:05:53.013,0:05:57.234 and what comes through? The X-Men's Quinjet. That's right! 0:05:57.234,0:06:02.893 What we did back on Earth was, we showed him gathering up all the heroes, but we didn't see him gathering up the X-Men, 0:06:02.893,0:06:07.410 so OH MY GOODNESS, now Wolverine's gonna be there, now Cyclops is gonna be there. 0:06:07.410,0:06:11.921 So the Quinjet comes through. Luke gets in his X-Wing to go meet them, 0:06:11.921,0:06:18.289 and they engage in this awesome star battle, and it looks like the Quinjet is actually going to shoot Luke down, 0:06:18.289,0:06:24.285 and suddenly this volley of lasers comes in, and what comes flying in, is, 0:06:24.285,0:06:29.130 we think it's gonna be the Millennium Falcon, just like in Episode 4, 0:06:29.130,0:06:31.814 when he comes in and saves him during the Battle of Yavin, 0:06:31.814,0:06:39.141 but NO, it is Slave One. That's right, Boba Fett's ship, Slave One, has to save Luke 0:06:39.141,0:06:41.268 because, of course, he's trying to track down Han, he can't have Luke die. 0:06:41.268,0:06:46.191 So NOW it's a battle between the Quinjet, between the X-Wing, between Slave One, 0:06:46.191,0:06:55.364 we see the Millennium Falcon is flying away, so uh, now uh, Slave One goes off to do that. 0:06:55.364,0:07:04.877 But now we cut down to Coruscant, where Princess Leia is consulting with Lando Calrissian. 0:07:04.877,0:07:09.962 Now it looks like they're just having a very intense meeting about trade regulations, and about -- 0:07:09.962,0:07:12.339 I WILL NOT, I WILL NOT FINISH MY SPEAKING! 0:07:12.339,0:07:18.225 -- about trade regulations and -- but then suddenly when the rest of the Council Meeting leaves, 0:07:18.225,0:07:19.975 they fall into each other's arms. 0:07:19.975,0:07:24.228 Oh my god, Lando Calrissian and Princess Leia are having an affair! 0:07:24.228,0:07:30.104 And that is why Han Solo -- because look, Lando Calrissian was like, hey, if I'm gonna lose the Millennium Falcon to you, 0:07:30.104,0:07:32.252 I'll just take your woman. And he has. 0:07:32.252,0:07:34.002 So we set that triangle up. 0:07:34.002,0:07:39.278 Now cut back to the Quinjet. And REED RICHARDS and the Fantastic Four piloting it! 0:07:39.278,0:07:40.328 Oh, it was a fakeout! 0:07:40.328,0:07:46.391 It's him and we have select members of the X-Men that I thought, in my opinion, 0:07:46.391,0:07:51.021 were, um, were not focused on properly in the earlier films. 0:07:51.021,0:07:55.004 We have Colossus in there, we have X-23, which is Wolverine's daughter, 0:07:55.004,0:08:00.343 and then we have a now mind-controlled Sabretooth, and of course Wolverine. 0:08:00.343,0:08:02.672 So imagine THOSE two going up against Robot Chewbacca. 0:08:02.672,0:08:05.016 'Cause that's gonna happen. That is what we're teasing right now. 0:08:05.016,0:08:07.920 I literally have no fluid in my mouth. 0:08:07.920,0:08:11.267 I gotta do a Marco Rubio. Can we please cut? 0:08:12.528,0:08:21.617 (laughter, applause, cheering) 0:08:21.617,0:08:25.617 Amy Poehler: Oh. My. God.