WEBVTT 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:05.478 Thank you. I have to tell you I'm both challenged and excited. 00:00:05.502 --> 00:00:08.414 My excitement is: I get a chance to give something back. 00:00:08.438 --> 00:00:11.976 My challenge is: the shortest seminar I usually do is 50 hours. 00:00:12.000 --> 00:00:13.625 (Laughter) 00:00:13.649 --> 00:00:15.879 I'm not exaggerating. I do weekends -- 00:00:15.903 --> 00:00:18.138 I do more, obviously, I also coach people -- 00:00:18.162 --> 00:00:20.933 but I'm into immersion, because how did you learn language? 00:00:20.957 --> 00:00:22.562 Not just by learning principles, 00:00:22.586 --> 00:00:25.439 you got in it and you did it so often that it became real. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:25.463 --> 00:00:28.940 The bottom line of why I'm here, besides being a crazy mofo, is that -- 00:00:28.964 --> 00:00:32.703 I'm not here to motivate you, you don't need that, obviously. 00:00:32.727 --> 00:00:34.750 Often that's what people think I do, 00:00:34.774 --> 00:00:36.489 and it's the furthest thing from it. 00:00:36.513 --> 00:00:38.558 What happens, though, is people say to me, 00:00:38.582 --> 00:00:40.050 "I don't need any motivation." 00:00:40.075 --> 00:00:41.617 But that's not what I do. 00:00:41.641 --> 00:00:43.508 I'm the "why" guy. 00:00:43.532 --> 00:00:45.604 I want to know why you do what you do. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:45.628 --> 00:00:47.453 What is your motive for action? 00:00:48.135 --> 00:00:51.313 What is it that drives you in your life today? Not 10 years ago. 00:00:51.337 --> 00:00:53.042 Are you running the same pattern? 00:00:53.066 --> 00:00:56.978 Because I believe that the invisible force of internal drive, activated, 00:00:57.002 --> 00:00:58.810 is the most important thing. 00:00:58.834 --> 00:01:02.413 I'm here because I believe emotion is the force of life. 00:01:02.437 --> 00:01:04.254 All of us here have great minds. 00:01:04.278 --> 00:01:06.706 Most of us here have great minds, right? 00:01:06.730 --> 00:01:09.090 We all know how to think. 00:01:09.114 --> 00:01:11.203 With our minds we can rationalize anything. 00:01:11.227 --> 00:01:12.569 We can make anything happen. 00:01:12.593 --> 00:01:15.371 I agree with what was described a few days ago, 00:01:15.395 --> 00:01:17.722 that people work in their self-interest. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:17.746 --> 00:01:20.364 But we know that that's bullshit at times. 00:01:20.388 --> 00:01:22.752 You don't work in your self-interest all the time, 00:01:22.776 --> 00:01:24.643 because when emotion comes into it, 00:01:24.667 --> 00:01:26.710 the wiring changes in the way it functions. 00:01:26.734 --> 00:01:30.685 So it's wonderful to think intellectually about how the life of the world is, 00:01:30.709 --> 00:01:33.868 especially those who are very smart can play this game in our head. 00:01:33.892 --> 00:01:35.994 But I really want to know what's driving you. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:36.018 --> 00:01:37.876 What I would like to invite you to do 00:01:37.900 --> 00:01:41.406 by the end of this talk is explore where you are today, for two reasons. 00:01:41.430 --> 00:01:43.311 One: so that you can contribute more. 00:01:43.335 --> 00:01:46.605 And two: that hopefully we can not just understand other people more, 00:01:46.629 --> 00:01:49.519 but appreciate them more, and create the kinds of connections 00:01:49.543 --> 00:01:52.466 that can stop some of the challenges that we face today. 00:01:52.490 --> 00:01:56.235 They're only going to get magnified by the very technology that connects us, 00:01:56.259 --> 00:01:58.045 because it's making us intersect. 00:01:58.069 --> 00:02:00.295 That intersection doesn't always create a view 00:02:00.319 --> 00:02:02.505 of "everybody now understands everybody, 00:02:02.529 --> 00:02:04.893 and everybody appreciates everybody." NOTE Paragraph 00:02:04.917 --> 00:02:07.508 I've had an obsession basically for 30 years, 00:02:07.532 --> 00:02:11.847 "What makes the difference in the quality of people's lives? 00:02:11.871 --> 00:02:13.328 What in their performance?" 00:02:13.352 --> 00:02:15.530 I got hired to produce the result now. 00:02:15.554 --> 00:02:17.050 I've done it for 30 years. 00:02:17.074 --> 00:02:18.621 I get the phone call 00:02:18.645 --> 00:02:21.387 when the athlete is burning down on national television, 00:02:21.411 --> 00:02:23.097 and they were ahead by five strokes 00:02:23.121 --> 00:02:25.121 and now they can't get back on the course. 00:02:25.145 --> 00:02:27.831 I've got to do something right now or nothing matters. 00:02:27.855 --> 00:02:30.827 I get the phone call when the child is going to commit suicide, 00:02:30.851 --> 00:02:32.298 I've got to do something. 00:02:32.322 --> 00:02:35.976 In 29 years, I'm very grateful to tell you I've never lost one. 00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:38.504 It doesn't mean I won't some day, but I haven't yet. 00:02:38.528 --> 00:02:41.904 The reason is an understanding of these human needs. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:41.928 --> 00:02:45.039 When I get those calls about performance, that's one thing. 00:02:45.063 --> 00:02:46.549 How do you make a change? 00:02:46.573 --> 00:02:50.568 I'm also looking to see what is shaping the person's ability to contribute, 00:02:50.592 --> 00:02:54.102 to do something beyond themselves. 00:02:54.126 --> 00:02:56.234 Maybe the real question is, 00:02:56.258 --> 00:02:58.629 I look at life and say there's two master lessons. 00:02:58.653 --> 00:03:00.732 One is: there's the science of achievement, 00:03:00.756 --> 00:03:03.526 which almost everyone here has mastered amazingly. 00:03:03.550 --> 00:03:06.045 "How do you take the invisible and make it visible," 00:03:06.069 --> 00:03:07.786 How do you make your dreams happen? 00:03:07.810 --> 00:03:10.397 Your business, your contribution to society, money -- 00:03:10.421 --> 00:03:12.133 whatever, your body, your family. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:12.157 --> 00:03:15.660 The other lesson that is rarely mastered is the art of fulfillment. 00:03:16.517 --> 00:03:18.093 Because science is easy, right? 00:03:18.117 --> 00:03:21.022 We know the rules, you write the code and you get the results. 00:03:21.046 --> 00:03:24.190 Once you know the game, you just up the ante, don't you? 00:03:24.214 --> 00:03:26.647 But when it comes to fulfillment -- that's an art. 00:03:26.671 --> 00:03:29.867 The reason is, it's about appreciation and contribution. 00:03:29.891 --> 00:03:31.976 You can only feel so much by yourself. 00:03:32.000 --> 00:03:35.936 I've had an interesting laboratory to try to answer the real question 00:03:35.960 --> 00:03:37.516 how somebody's life changes 00:03:37.540 --> 00:03:40.851 if you look at them like those people that you've given everything to? 00:03:40.875 --> 00:03:42.999 Like all the resources they say they need. 00:03:43.023 --> 00:03:45.809 You gave not a 100-dollar computer, but the best computer. 00:03:45.833 --> 00:03:48.355 You gave them love, joy, were there to comfort them. 00:03:48.379 --> 00:03:50.975 Those people very often -- you know some of them -- 00:03:50.999 --> 00:03:52.440 end up the rest of their life 00:03:52.464 --> 00:03:54.889 with all this love, education, money and background 00:03:54.913 --> 00:03:56.297 going in and out of rehab. 00:03:57.000 --> 00:03:59.976 Some people have been through ultimate pain, 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:03.375 psychologically, sexually, spiritually, emotionally abused -- 00:04:03.399 --> 00:04:05.055 and not always, but often, 00:04:05.079 --> 00:04:08.283 they become some of the people that contribute the most to society. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:08.307 --> 00:04:12.239 The question we've got to ask ourselves really is, what is it? 00:04:12.263 --> 00:04:13.606 What is it that shapes us? 00:04:13.630 --> 00:04:15.241 We live in a therapy culture. 00:04:15.265 --> 00:04:18.307 Most of us don't do that, but the culture's a therapy culture, 00:04:18.331 --> 00:04:20.320 the mindset that we are our past. 00:04:20.344 --> 00:04:22.976 And you wouldn't be in this room if you bought that, 00:04:23.000 --> 00:04:26.178 but most of society thinks biography is destiny. 00:04:26.202 --> 00:04:27.845 The past equals the future. 00:04:27.869 --> 00:04:29.584 Of course it does if you live there. 00:04:29.608 --> 00:04:32.276 But what we know and what we have to remind ourselves -- 00:04:32.300 --> 00:04:34.494 because you can know something intellectually 00:04:34.518 --> 00:04:36.366 and then not use it, not apply it. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:36.920 --> 00:04:40.628 We've got to remind ourselves that decision is the ultimate power. 00:04:40.652 --> 00:04:43.356 When you ask people, 00:04:43.380 --> 00:04:47.253 have you failed to achieve something significant in your life? NOTE Paragraph 00:04:47.277 --> 00:04:48.976 Say, "Aye." Audience: Aye. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:51.976 TR: Thanks for the interaction on a high level there. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:52.000 --> 00:04:54.976 But if you ask people, why didn't you achieve something? 00:04:55.000 --> 00:04:58.255 Somebody who's working for you, or a partner, or even yourself. 00:04:58.279 --> 00:05:01.375 When you fail to achieve, what's the reason people say? 00:05:01.399 --> 00:05:02.542 What do they tell you? 00:05:02.566 --> 00:05:06.875 Didn't have the knowledge, didn't have the money, 00:05:06.899 --> 00:05:11.136 didn't have the time, didn't have the technology. 00:05:11.160 --> 00:05:12.994 I didn't have the right manager. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:13.018 --> 00:05:15.707 Al Gore: Supreme Court. TR: The Supreme Court. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:15.731 --> 00:05:17.961 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:05:17.985 --> 00:05:20.533 (Applause) (Cheering) 00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:31.976 (Applause continues) NOTE Paragraph 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:33.055 TR: And -- NOTE Paragraph 00:05:33.079 --> 00:05:35.977 (Applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:05:36.001 --> 00:05:39.097 What do all those, including the Supreme Court, have in common? 00:05:39.121 --> 00:05:40.495 (Laughter) 00:05:40.519 --> 00:05:45.319 They are a claim to you missing resources, and they may be accurate. 00:05:45.343 --> 00:05:47.976 You may not have the money, or the Supreme Court, 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:49.976 but that is not the defining factor. 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:55.957 (Applause) (Laughter) 00:05:56.000 --> 00:05:57.524 And you correct me if I'm wrong. 00:05:58.714 --> 00:06:01.976 The defining factor is never resources; it's resourcefulness. 00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:04.804 And what I mean specifically, rather than just some phrase, 00:06:04.828 --> 00:06:08.040 is if you have emotion, human emotion, 00:06:08.064 --> 00:06:12.093 something that I experienced from you the day before yesterday 00:06:12.117 --> 00:06:14.708 at a level that is as profound as I've ever experienced 00:06:14.732 --> 00:06:17.970 and I believe with that emotion you would have beat his ass and won. 00:06:17.994 --> 00:06:19.051 Audience: Yeah! 00:06:19.075 --> 00:06:23.742 (Applause) (Cheering) NOTE Paragraph 00:06:23.766 --> 00:06:25.976 How easy for me to tell him what he should do. 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:27.976 (Laughter) 00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:30.887 Idiot, Robbins. 00:06:30.911 --> 00:06:36.167 But I know when we watched the debate at that time, 00:06:36.191 --> 00:06:38.478 there were emotions that blocked people's ability 00:06:38.502 --> 00:06:40.479 to get this man's intellect and capacity. 00:06:40.503 --> 00:06:43.399 And the way that it came across to some people on that day -- 00:06:43.423 --> 00:06:46.798 because I know people that wanted to vote in your direction and didn't, 00:06:46.822 --> 00:06:48.165 and I was upset. 00:06:48.189 --> 00:06:49.628 But there was emotion there. 00:06:49.652 --> 00:06:51.357 Do you know what I'm talking about? NOTE Paragraph 00:06:51.381 --> 00:06:52.715 Say, "Aye." Audience: Aye. 00:06:52.739 --> 00:06:53.879 TR: So, emotion is it. 00:06:53.903 --> 00:06:57.653 And if we get the right emotion, we can get ourselves to do anything. 00:06:57.677 --> 00:06:59.597 If you're creative, playful, fun enough, 00:06:59.621 --> 00:07:01.691 can you get through to anybody, yes or no? NOTE Paragraph 00:07:01.715 --> 00:07:03.159 If you don't have the money, 00:07:03.183 --> 00:07:05.712 but you're creative and determined, you find the way. 00:07:05.736 --> 00:07:07.219 This is the ultimate resource. 00:07:07.243 --> 00:07:09.476 But this is not the story that people tell us. 00:07:09.500 --> 00:07:11.576 They tell us a bunch of different stories. 00:07:11.600 --> 00:07:14.309 They tell us we don't have the resources, but ultimately, 00:07:14.333 --> 00:07:15.897 if you take a look here, 00:07:15.921 --> 00:07:19.263 they say, what are all the reasons they haven't accomplished that? 00:07:19.287 --> 00:07:21.548 He's broken my pattern, that son-of-a-bitch. 00:07:21.572 --> 00:07:24.899 (Laughter) 00:07:24.923 --> 00:07:27.277 But I appreciated the energy, I'll tell you that. 00:07:27.301 --> 00:07:28.378 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:07:28.402 --> 00:07:29.919 What determines your resources? 00:07:29.943 --> 00:07:33.080 We've said decisions shape destiny, which is my focus here. 00:07:33.104 --> 00:07:36.200 If decisions shape destiny, what determines it is three decisions. 00:07:36.224 --> 00:07:37.377 What will you focus on? 00:07:37.401 --> 00:07:39.852 You have to decide what you're going to focus on. 00:07:39.876 --> 00:07:41.337 Consciously or unconsciously. 00:07:41.361 --> 00:07:44.272 the minute you decide to focus, you must give it a meaning, 00:07:44.296 --> 00:07:46.185 and that meaning produces emotion. 00:07:46.209 --> 00:07:48.035 Is this the end or the beginning? 00:07:48.059 --> 00:07:51.958 Is God punishing me or rewarding me, or is this the roll of the dice? 00:07:51.982 --> 00:07:54.976 An emotion creates what we're going to do, or the action. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:55.000 --> 00:07:56.976 So, think about your own life, 00:07:57.000 --> 00:07:59.048 the decisions that have shaped your destiny. 00:07:59.072 --> 00:08:02.058 And that sounds really heavy, but in the last five or 10 years, 00:08:02.082 --> 00:08:03.629 have there been some decisions 00:08:03.653 --> 00:08:07.490 that if you'd made a different decision, your life would be completely different? 00:08:07.514 --> 00:08:10.208 How many can think about it? Better or worse. Say, "Aye." NOTE Paragraph 00:08:10.232 --> 00:08:11.264 Audience: Aye. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:11.288 --> 00:08:13.952 So the bottom line is, maybe it was where to go to work, 00:08:13.976 --> 00:08:16.829 and you met the love of your life there, a career decision. 00:08:16.853 --> 00:08:18.819 I know the Google geniuses I saw here -- 00:08:18.843 --> 00:08:22.231 I mean, I understand that their decision was to sell their technology. 00:08:22.255 --> 00:08:25.396 What if they made that decision versus to build their own culture? 00:08:25.420 --> 00:08:28.349 How would the world or their lives be different, their impact? 00:08:28.373 --> 00:08:30.490 The history of our world is these decisions. 00:08:30.514 --> 00:08:34.076 When a woman stands up and says, "No, I won't go to the back of the bus." 00:08:34.100 --> 00:08:37.619 She didn't just affect her life. That decision shaped our culture. 00:08:37.643 --> 00:08:40.162 Or someone standing in front of a tank. 00:08:40.186 --> 00:08:42.976 Or being in a position like Lance Armstrong, 00:08:43.000 --> 00:08:44.544 "You've got testicular cancer." 00:08:44.568 --> 00:08:47.607 That's pretty tough for any male, especially if you ride a bike. 00:08:47.631 --> 00:08:48.976 (Laughter) 00:08:49.000 --> 00:08:51.709 You've got it in your brain; you've got it in your lungs. 00:08:51.733 --> 00:08:53.925 But what was his decision of what to focus on? 00:08:53.949 --> 00:08:56.088 Different than most people. What did it mean? 00:08:56.112 --> 00:08:58.063 It wasn't the end; it was the beginning. 00:08:58.087 --> 00:09:00.878 He goes off and wins seven championships he never once won 00:09:00.902 --> 00:09:04.784 before the cancer, because he got emotional fitness, psychological strength. 00:09:04.808 --> 00:09:07.299 That's the difference in human beings that I've seen 00:09:07.323 --> 00:09:09.182 of the three million I've been around. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:09.206 --> 00:09:14.991 In my lab, I've had three million people from 80 countries over the last 29 years. 00:09:15.015 --> 00:09:17.479 And after a while, patterns become obvious. 00:09:17.503 --> 00:09:21.502 You see that South America and Africa may be connected in a certain way, right? 00:09:21.526 --> 00:09:24.144 Others say, "Oh, that sounds ridiculous." It's simple. 00:09:24.168 --> 00:09:26.452 So, what shaped Lance? What shapes you? 00:09:26.476 --> 00:09:30.798 Two invisible forces. Very quickly. One: state. 00:09:30.822 --> 00:09:31.976 We all have had times, 00:09:32.000 --> 00:09:34.793 you did something, and after, you thought to yourself, 00:09:34.817 --> 00:09:37.976 "I can't believe I said or did that, that was so stupid." 00:09:38.000 --> 00:09:40.095 Who's been there? Say, "Aye." Audience: Aye. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:40.119 --> 00:09:42.515 Or after you did something, you go, "That was me!" NOTE Paragraph 00:09:42.539 --> 00:09:43.976 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:09:44.000 --> 00:09:46.834 It wasn't your ability; it was your state. 00:09:46.858 --> 00:09:49.778 Your model of the world is what shapes you long term. 00:09:49.802 --> 00:09:53.334 Your model of the world is the filter. That's what's shaping us. 00:09:53.358 --> 00:09:54.958 It makes people make decisions. 00:09:54.982 --> 00:09:58.238 To influence somebody, we need to know what already influences them. 00:09:58.262 --> 00:10:00.071 It's made up of three parts. 00:10:00.095 --> 00:10:02.434 First, what's your target? What are you after? 00:10:02.458 --> 00:10:03.976 It's not your desires. 00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:05.635 You can get your desires or goals. 00:10:05.659 --> 00:10:08.873 Who has ever got a goal or desire and thought, is this all there is? NOTE Paragraph 00:10:08.897 --> 00:10:10.150 Say, "Aye." Audience: Aye. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:10.174 --> 00:10:13.042 It's needs we have. I believe there are six human needs. 00:10:13.066 --> 00:10:15.976 Second, once you know what the target that's driving you is 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:18.976 and you uncover it for the truth -- you don't form it -- 00:10:19.000 --> 00:10:20.735 then you find out what's your map, 00:10:20.759 --> 00:10:23.820 what's the belief systems that tell you how to get those needs. 00:10:23.844 --> 00:10:26.795 Some people think the way to get them is to destroy the world, 00:10:26.819 --> 00:10:29.369 some people, to build, create something, love someone. 00:10:29.393 --> 00:10:31.976 There's the fuel you pick. So very quickly, six needs. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:34.471 Let me tell you what they are. First one: certainty. 00:10:34.495 --> 00:10:36.958 These are not goals or desires, these are universal. 00:10:36.982 --> 00:10:39.082 Everyone needs certainty they can avoid pain 00:10:39.106 --> 00:10:40.523 and at least be comfortable. 00:10:40.547 --> 00:10:41.801 Now, how do you get it? 00:10:41.825 --> 00:10:44.910 Control everybody? Develop a skill? Give up? Smoke a cigarette? 00:10:44.934 --> 00:10:46.976 And if you got totally certain, ironically, 00:10:47.000 --> 00:10:48.286 even though we need that -- 00:10:48.310 --> 00:10:51.503 you're not certain about your health, or your children, or money. 00:10:51.527 --> 00:10:53.742 If you're not sure the ceiling will hold up, 00:10:53.766 --> 00:10:55.385 you won't listen to any speaker. 00:10:55.409 --> 00:10:59.158 While we go for certainty differently, if we get total certainty, we get what? 00:10:59.182 --> 00:11:00.876 What do you feel if you're certain? 00:11:00.900 --> 00:11:03.553 You know what will happen, when and how it will happen, 00:11:03.577 --> 00:11:04.676 what would you feel? 00:11:04.700 --> 00:11:07.376 Bored out of your minds. So, God, in Her infinite wisdom, 00:11:07.400 --> 00:11:09.976 gave us a second human need, which is uncertainty. 00:11:10.000 --> 00:11:12.976 We need variety. We need surprise. 00:11:13.000 --> 00:11:15.296 How many of you here love surprises? Say, "Aye." NOTE Paragraph 00:11:15.320 --> 00:11:16.401 Audience: Aye. NOTE Paragraph 00:11:16.425 --> 00:11:19.036 TR: Bullshit. You like the surprises you want. 00:11:19.060 --> 00:11:22.404 The ones you don't want, you call problems, but you need them. 00:11:22.428 --> 00:11:24.207 So, variety is important. 00:11:24.231 --> 00:11:27.343 Have you ever rented a video or a film that you've already seen? 00:11:27.367 --> 00:11:29.176 Who's done this? Get a fucking life. 00:11:29.200 --> 00:11:30.976 (Laughter) 00:11:31.000 --> 00:11:32.610 Why are you doing it? 00:11:32.634 --> 00:11:35.417 You're certain it's good because you read or saw it before, 00:11:35.441 --> 00:11:38.135 but you're hoping it's been long enough you've forgotten, 00:11:38.159 --> 00:11:39.176 and there's variety. NOTE Paragraph 00:11:39.200 --> 00:11:41.236 Third human need, critical: significance. 00:11:41.260 --> 00:11:43.535 We all need to feel important, special, unique. 00:11:43.559 --> 00:11:46.426 You can get it by making more money or being more spiritual. 00:11:46.450 --> 00:11:49.366 You can do it by getting yourself in a situation where you put 00:11:49.390 --> 00:11:52.376 more tattoos and earrings in places humans don't want to know. 00:11:52.400 --> 00:11:53.465 Whatever it takes. 00:11:53.489 --> 00:11:54.776 The fastest way to do this, 00:11:54.800 --> 00:11:57.776 if you have no background, no culture, no belief and resources 00:11:57.800 --> 00:11:59.439 or resourcefulness, is violence. 00:11:59.463 --> 00:12:03.223 If I put a gun to your head and I live in the 'hood, instantly I'm significant. 00:12:03.247 --> 00:12:04.708 Zero to 10. How high? 10. 00:12:04.732 --> 00:12:07.818 How certain am I that you're going to respond to me? 10. 00:12:07.842 --> 00:12:08.958 How much uncertainty? 00:12:08.982 --> 00:12:11.676 Who knows what's going to happen next? Kind of exciting. 00:12:11.700 --> 00:12:14.076 Like climbing up into a cave and doing that stuff 00:12:14.100 --> 00:12:15.380 all the way down there. 00:12:15.404 --> 00:12:16.866 Total variety and uncertainty. 00:12:16.890 --> 00:12:20.276 And it's significant, isn't it? So you want to risk your life for it. 00:12:20.300 --> 00:12:23.376 So that's why violence has always been around and will be around 00:12:23.400 --> 00:12:25.857 unless we have a consciousness change as a species. 00:12:25.881 --> 00:12:27.876 You can get significance a million ways, 00:12:27.900 --> 00:12:30.799 but to be significant, you've got to be unique and different. NOTE Paragraph 00:12:30.823 --> 00:12:33.805 Here's what we really need: connection and love, fourth need. 00:12:33.829 --> 00:12:34.876 We all want it; 00:12:34.900 --> 00:12:37.079 most settle for connection, love's too scary. 00:12:37.103 --> 00:12:39.580 Who here has been hurt in an intimate relationship? 00:12:39.604 --> 00:12:42.436 If you don't raise your hand, you've had other shit, too. 00:12:42.460 --> 00:12:44.183 And you're going to get hurt again. 00:12:44.207 --> 00:12:46.467 Aren't you glad you came to this positive visit? 00:12:46.491 --> 00:12:48.011 Here's what's true: we need it. 00:12:48.035 --> 00:12:51.411 We can do it through intimacy, friendship, prayer, 00:12:51.435 --> 00:12:52.782 through walking in nature. 00:12:52.806 --> 00:12:55.638 If nothing else works for you, don't get a cat, get a dog, 00:12:55.662 --> 00:12:59.257 because if you leave for two minutes, it's like you've been gone six months, 00:12:59.281 --> 00:13:00.967 when you come back 5 minutes later. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:01.011 --> 00:13:03.666 These first four needs, every human finds a way to meet. 00:13:03.690 --> 00:13:06.900 Even if you lie to yourself, you need to have split personalities. 00:13:06.924 --> 00:13:11.463 I call the first four needs the needs of the personality. 00:13:11.487 --> 00:13:14.221 The last two are the needs of the spirit. 00:13:14.245 --> 00:13:16.012 And this is where fulfillment comes. 00:13:16.036 --> 00:13:17.831 You won't get it from the first four. 00:13:17.855 --> 00:13:21.141 You'll figure a way, smoke, drink, do whatever, meet the first four. 00:13:21.165 --> 00:13:22.741 But number five, you must grow. 00:13:22.765 --> 00:13:23.894 We all know the answer. 00:13:23.918 --> 00:13:25.441 If you don't grow, you're what? 00:13:25.465 --> 00:13:27.574 If a relationship or business is not growing, 00:13:27.598 --> 00:13:28.735 if you're not growing, 00:13:28.759 --> 00:13:31.162 doesn't matter how much money or friends you have, 00:13:31.186 --> 00:13:32.362 how many love you, 00:13:32.386 --> 00:13:33.629 you feel like hell. 00:13:33.653 --> 00:13:35.244 And I believe the reason we grow 00:13:35.268 --> 00:13:37.228 is so we have something to give of value. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:37.252 --> 00:13:39.963 Because the sixth need is to contribute beyond ourselves. 00:13:39.987 --> 00:13:42.064 Because we all know, corny as that sounds, 00:13:42.088 --> 00:13:43.674 the secret to living is giving. 00:13:43.698 --> 00:13:45.982 We all know life is not about me, it's about we. 00:13:46.006 --> 00:13:48.245 This culture knows that, this room knows that. 00:13:48.269 --> 00:13:49.346 It's exciting. 00:13:49.370 --> 00:13:51.964 When you see Nicholas talking about his $100 computer, 00:13:51.988 --> 00:13:53.327 the most exciting thing is: 00:13:53.351 --> 00:13:55.766 here's a genius, but he's got a calling now. 00:13:55.790 --> 00:13:58.662 You can feel the difference in him, and it's beautiful. 00:13:58.686 --> 00:14:00.629 And that calling can touch other people. 00:14:00.653 --> 00:14:03.530 My life was touched because when I was 11 years old, 00:14:03.554 --> 00:14:05.541 Thanksgiving, no money, no food, 00:14:05.565 --> 00:14:06.976 we were not going to starve, 00:14:07.000 --> 00:14:08.715 but my father was totally messed up, 00:14:08.739 --> 00:14:11.070 my mom was letting him know how bad he messed up, 00:14:11.094 --> 00:14:13.449 and somebody came to the door and delivered food. 00:14:13.473 --> 00:14:16.533 My father made three decisions, I know what they were, briefly. 00:14:16.557 --> 00:14:18.382 His focus was "This is charity. 00:14:18.406 --> 00:14:20.072 What does it mean? I'm worthless. 00:14:20.096 --> 00:14:22.721 What do I have to do? Leave my family," which he did. 00:14:22.745 --> 00:14:25.227 It was one of the most painful experiences of life. 00:14:25.251 --> 00:14:27.420 My three decisions gave me a different path. 00:14:27.796 --> 00:14:31.118 I set focus on "There's food." What a concept! 00:14:31.142 --> 00:14:32.219 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:14:32.243 --> 00:14:35.438 But this is what changed my life, shaped me as a human being. 00:14:35.462 --> 00:14:37.655 Somebody's gift, I don't even know who it is. 00:14:37.679 --> 00:14:39.939 My father always said, "No one gives a shit." 00:14:40.825 --> 00:14:42.299 And now somebody I don't know, 00:14:42.323 --> 00:14:44.857 they're not asking for anything, just giving us food, 00:14:44.881 --> 00:14:46.058 looking out for us. 00:14:46.082 --> 00:14:48.721 It made me believe this: that strangers care. 00:14:49.627 --> 00:14:50.859 And that made me decide, 00:14:50.883 --> 00:14:53.950 if strangers care about me and my family, I care about them. 00:14:53.974 --> 00:14:56.190 I'm going to do something to make a difference. 00:14:56.214 --> 00:14:58.311 So when I was 17, I went out on Thanksgiving, 00:14:58.335 --> 00:15:01.588 it was my target for years to have enough money to feed two families. 00:15:01.612 --> 00:15:04.077 The most fun and moving thing I ever did in my life. 00:15:04.101 --> 00:15:05.784 Next year, I did four, then eight. 00:15:05.808 --> 00:15:09.543 I didn't tell anybody what I was doing, I wasn't doing it for brownie points. 00:15:09.567 --> 00:15:11.953 But after eight, I thought I could use some help. NOTE Paragraph 00:15:11.977 --> 00:15:14.405 So I went out, got my friends involved, 00:15:14.429 --> 00:15:17.606 then I grew companies, got 11, and I built the foundation. 00:15:17.630 --> 00:15:18.824 18 years later, 00:15:18.848 --> 00:15:22.294 I'm proud to tell you last year we fed 2 million people in 35 countries 00:15:22.318 --> 00:15:23.502 through our foundation. 00:15:23.526 --> 00:15:25.859 All during the holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, 00:15:25.883 --> 00:15:27.886 in different countries around the world. 00:15:27.910 --> 00:15:29.011 (Applause) 00:15:29.035 --> 00:15:30.181 Thank you. 00:15:30.205 --> 00:15:33.777 I don't tell you that to brag, but because I'm proud of human beings 00:15:33.801 --> 00:15:35.708 because they get excited to contribute 00:15:35.732 --> 00:15:38.841 once they've had the chance to experience it, not talk about it. NOTE Paragraph 00:15:38.865 --> 00:15:40.656 So, finally -- I'm about out of time. 00:15:40.680 --> 00:15:43.539 The target that shapes you -- 00:15:43.563 --> 00:15:45.422 Here's what's different about people. 00:15:45.446 --> 00:15:46.631 We have the same needs. 00:15:46.655 --> 00:15:49.522 But are you a certainty freak, is that what you value most, 00:15:49.546 --> 00:15:50.723 or uncertainty? 00:15:50.747 --> 00:15:54.288 This man couldn't be a certainty freak if he climbed through those caves. 00:15:54.312 --> 00:15:56.193 Are you driven by significance or love? 00:15:56.217 --> 00:15:57.493 We all need all six, 00:15:57.517 --> 00:16:00.601 but what your lead system is tilts you in a different direction. 00:16:00.625 --> 00:16:03.761 And as you move in a direction, you have a destination or destiny. 00:16:03.785 --> 00:16:05.210 The second piece is the map. 00:16:05.234 --> 00:16:07.510 The operating system tells you how to get there, 00:16:07.534 --> 00:16:08.815 and some people's map is, 00:16:08.839 --> 00:16:11.610 "I'm going to save lives even if I die for other people," 00:16:11.634 --> 00:16:12.810 and they're a fireman, 00:16:12.834 --> 00:16:15.750 and somebody else says, "I'm going to kill people to do it." 00:16:15.774 --> 00:16:18.352 They're trying to meet the same needs of significance. 00:16:18.376 --> 00:16:20.569 They want to honor God or honor their family. 00:16:20.593 --> 00:16:22.115 But they have a different map. NOTE Paragraph 00:16:22.139 --> 00:16:26.018 And there are seven different beliefs; I can't go through them, because I'm done. 00:16:26.042 --> 00:16:27.371 The last piece is emotion. 00:16:27.395 --> 00:16:29.396 One of the parts of the map is like time. 00:16:29.420 --> 00:16:31.709 Some people's idea of a long time is 100 years. 00:16:31.733 --> 00:16:34.408 Somebody else's is three seconds, which is what I have. 00:16:34.432 --> 00:16:37.203 And the last one I've already mentioned that fell to you. 00:16:37.227 --> 00:16:38.950 If you've got a target and a map -- 00:16:38.974 --> 00:16:40.907 I can't use Google because I love Macs, 00:16:40.931 --> 00:16:43.027 and they haven't made it good for Macs yet. 00:16:43.051 --> 00:16:44.332 So if you use MapQuest -- 00:16:44.356 --> 00:16:46.771 how many have made this fatal mistake of using it? 00:16:46.795 --> 00:16:48.891 You use this thing and you don't get there. 00:16:48.915 --> 00:16:52.551 Imagine if your beliefs guarantee you can never get to where you want to go. 00:16:52.575 --> 00:16:53.652 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:16:53.676 --> 00:16:55.010 The last thing is emotion. 00:16:55.034 --> 00:16:57.038 Here's what I'll tell you about emotion. 00:16:57.062 --> 00:16:58.537 There are 6,000 emotions 00:16:58.561 --> 00:17:00.850 that we have words for in the English language, 00:17:00.874 --> 00:17:04.030 which is just a linguistic representation that changes by language. 00:17:04.054 --> 00:17:06.354 But if your dominant emotions -- 00:17:06.378 --> 00:17:09.105 If I have 20,000 people or 1,000 00:17:09.129 --> 00:17:12.181 and I have them write down all the emotions that they experience 00:17:12.205 --> 00:17:13.206 in an average week, 00:17:13.230 --> 00:17:15.160 and I give them as long as they need, 00:17:15.184 --> 00:17:17.473 and on one side they write empowering emotions, 00:17:17.497 --> 00:17:18.812 the other's disempowering, 00:17:18.836 --> 00:17:21.363 guess how many emotions they experience? Less than 12. 00:17:21.387 --> 00:17:23.483 And half of those make them feel like shit. 00:17:23.507 --> 00:17:24.932 They have six good feelings. 00:17:24.956 --> 00:17:26.596 Happy, happy, excited, oh shit, 00:17:26.620 --> 00:17:28.863 frustrated, frustrated, overwhelmed, depressed. 00:17:28.887 --> 00:17:30.360 How many of you know somebody 00:17:30.384 --> 00:17:33.155 who, no matter what happens, finds a way to get pissed off? 00:17:33.179 --> 00:17:34.359 (Laughter) 00:17:34.383 --> 00:17:38.724 Or no matter what happens, they find a way to be happy or excited. 00:17:38.748 --> 00:17:40.752 How many of you know somebody like this? NOTE Paragraph 00:17:40.776 --> 00:17:43.722 When 9/11 happened, I'll finish with this, I was in Hawaii. 00:17:44.040 --> 00:17:46.409 I was with 2,000 people from 45 countries, 00:17:46.433 --> 00:17:48.819 we were translating four languages simultaneously 00:17:48.843 --> 00:17:50.963 for a program I was conducting, for a week. 00:17:51.275 --> 00:17:53.516 The night before was called Emotional Mastery. 00:17:53.540 --> 00:17:55.925 I got up, had no plan for this, and I said -- 00:17:55.949 --> 00:17:59.047 we had fireworks, I do crazy shit, fun stuff, 00:17:59.071 --> 00:18:00.352 and at the end, I stopped. 00:18:00.376 --> 00:18:03.099 I had this plan, but I never know what I'm going to say. 00:18:03.123 --> 00:18:04.548 And all of a sudden, I said, 00:18:04.572 --> 00:18:07.620 "When do people really start to live? When they face death." 00:18:07.644 --> 00:18:09.352 And I went through this whole thing 00:18:09.376 --> 00:18:11.858 about, if you weren't going to get off this island, 00:18:11.882 --> 00:18:14.075 if nine days from now, you were going to die, 00:18:14.099 --> 00:18:16.918 who would you call, what would you say, what would you do? 00:18:16.942 --> 00:18:18.610 That night is when 9/11 happened. 00:18:18.634 --> 00:18:21.500 One woman had come to the seminar, and when she came there, 00:18:21.524 --> 00:18:24.199 her previous boyfriend had been kidnapped and murdered. 00:18:24.223 --> 00:18:26.898 Her new boyfriend wanted to marry her, and she said no. NOTE Paragraph 00:18:26.922 --> 00:18:30.279 He said, "If you go to that Hawaii thing, it's over with us." 00:18:30.303 --> 00:18:31.539 She said, "It's over." 00:18:31.563 --> 00:18:34.528 When I finished that night, she called him and left a message 00:18:34.552 --> 00:18:37.516 at the top of the World Trade Center where he worked, saying, 00:18:37.540 --> 00:18:40.069 "I love you, I want you to know I want to marry you. 00:18:40.093 --> 00:18:41.497 It was stupid of me." 00:18:41.521 --> 00:18:44.919 She was asleep, because it was 3 a.m. for us, when he called her back, 00:18:44.943 --> 00:18:47.823 and said, "Honey, I can't tell you what this means. 00:18:47.847 --> 00:18:51.196 I don't know how to tell you this, but you gave me the greatest gift, 00:18:51.220 --> 00:18:52.577 because I'm going to die." 00:18:53.164 --> 00:18:55.502 And she played the recording for us in the room. 00:18:55.526 --> 00:18:56.951 She was on Larry King later. 00:18:56.975 --> 00:18:58.931 And he said, "You're probably wondering 00:18:58.955 --> 00:19:01.047 how on Earth this could happen to you twice. 00:19:01.071 --> 00:19:03.553 All I can say is this must be God's message to you. 00:19:03.577 --> 00:19:06.108 From now on, every day, give your all, love your all. 00:19:06.132 --> 00:19:08.111 Don't let anything ever stop you." 00:19:08.707 --> 00:19:10.950 She finishes, and a man stands up, and he says, 00:19:10.974 --> 00:19:12.550 "I'm from Pakistan, I'm a Muslim. 00:19:12.574 --> 00:19:14.767 I'd love to hold your hand and say I'm sorry, 00:19:14.791 --> 00:19:17.005 but frankly, this is retribution." 00:19:18.130 --> 00:19:20.613 I can't tell you the rest, because I'm out of time. 00:19:20.637 --> 00:19:27.295 (Laughter) 00:19:27.319 --> 00:19:28.495 Are you sure? 00:19:28.519 --> 00:19:32.815 (Laughter) 00:19:32.839 --> 00:19:34.015 10 seconds! 00:19:34.039 --> 00:19:37.347 (Laughter and applause) NOTE Paragraph 00:19:37.371 --> 00:19:39.318 10 seconds, I want to be respectful. 00:19:39.342 --> 00:19:40.478 All I can tell you is, 00:19:40.502 --> 00:19:42.109 I brought this man on stage 00:19:42.133 --> 00:19:45.074 with a man from New York who worked in the World Trade Center, 00:19:45.098 --> 00:19:47.098 because I had about 200 New Yorkers there. 00:19:47.122 --> 00:19:49.557 More than 50 lost their entire companies, friends, 00:19:49.581 --> 00:19:51.103 marking off their Palm Pilots. 00:19:51.127 --> 00:19:53.705 One financial trader, woman made of steel, bawling -- 00:19:53.729 --> 00:19:55.554 30 friends crossing off that all died. 00:19:55.578 --> 00:19:58.884 And I said, "What are we going to focus on? 00:19:59.572 --> 00:20:01.910 What does this mean and what are we going to do?" NOTE Paragraph 00:20:01.934 --> 00:20:04.006 And I got the group to focus on: 00:20:04.030 --> 00:20:05.746 if you didn't lose somebody today, 00:20:05.770 --> 00:20:08.348 your focus is going to be how to serve somebody else. 00:20:08.372 --> 00:20:11.480 Then one woman stood up and was so angry, screaming and yelling. 00:20:11.504 --> 00:20:14.420 I found out she wasn't from New York, she's not an American, 00:20:14.444 --> 00:20:15.773 doesn't know anybody here. 00:20:15.797 --> 00:20:17.559 I asked, "Do you always get angry?" 00:20:17.583 --> 00:20:18.760 She said, "Yes." 00:20:18.784 --> 00:20:20.976 Guilty people got guilty, sad people got sad. 00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:23.675 I took these two men and I did an indirect negotiation. 00:20:23.699 --> 00:20:26.084 Jewish man with family in the occupied territory, 00:20:26.108 --> 00:20:29.362 someone in New York who would have died if he was at work that day, 00:20:29.386 --> 00:20:31.486 and this man who wanted to be a terrorist, 00:20:31.510 --> 00:20:32.790 and I made it very clear. 00:20:32.814 --> 00:20:35.731 This integration is on a film, which I'd be happy to send you, 00:20:35.755 --> 00:20:37.181 instead of my verbalization, 00:20:37.205 --> 00:20:39.305 but the two of them not only came together 00:20:39.329 --> 00:20:41.763 and changed their beliefs and models of the world, 00:20:41.787 --> 00:20:44.509 but worked together to bring, for almost four years now, 00:20:44.533 --> 00:20:46.412 through various mosques and synagogues, 00:20:46.436 --> 00:20:48.054 the idea of how to create peace. 00:20:48.078 --> 00:20:50.741 And he wrote a book, called "My Jihad, My Way of Peace." 00:20:50.765 --> 00:20:52.288 So, transformation can happen. NOTE Paragraph 00:20:52.312 --> 00:20:53.536 My invitation to you is: 00:20:53.560 --> 00:20:55.091 explore your web, 00:20:55.115 --> 00:20:56.665 the web in here -- 00:20:56.689 --> 00:21:00.277 the needs, the beliefs, the emotions that are controlling you, 00:21:00.301 --> 00:21:01.478 for two reasons: 00:21:01.502 --> 00:21:03.799 so there's more of you to give, and achieve, too, 00:21:03.823 --> 00:21:05.111 but I mean give, 00:21:05.135 --> 00:21:07.188 because that's what's going to fill you up. 00:21:07.212 --> 00:21:09.040 And secondly, so you can appreciate -- 00:21:09.064 --> 00:21:11.883 not just understand, that's intellectual, that's the mind, 00:21:11.907 --> 00:21:14.005 but appreciate what's driving other people. 00:21:14.029 --> 00:21:16.270 It's the only way our world's going to change. 00:21:16.294 --> 00:21:18.872 God bless you, thank you. I hope this was of service. 00:21:18.896 --> 00:21:20.505 (Applause)