1
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Thank you. I have to tell you
I'm both challenged and excited.

2
00:00:05,502 --> 00:00:08,414
My excitement is: I get a chance
to give something back.

3
00:00:08,438 --> 00:00:11,976
My challenge is: the shortest seminar
I usually do is 50 hours.

4
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,625
(Laughter)

5
00:00:13,649 --> 00:00:15,879
I'm not exaggerating. I do weekends

6
00:00:15,903 --> 00:00:18,138
-- I do more, obviously,
I also coach people --

7
00:00:18,162 --> 00:00:20,933
but I'm into immersion,
because how did you learn language?

8
00:00:20,957 --> 00:00:22,562
Not just by learning principles,

9
00:00:22,586 --> 00:00:25,439
you got in it and you did it
so often that it became real.

10
00:00:25,463 --> 00:00:28,940
The bottom line of why I'm here,
besides being a crazy mofo, is that --

11
00:00:28,964 --> 00:00:32,703
I'm not here to motivate you,
you don't need that, obviously.

12
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Often that's what people think I do,

13
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and it's the furthest thing from it.

14
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What happens, though, is people say to me,

15
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"I don't need any motivation."

16
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But that's not what I do.

17
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I'm the "why" guy.

18
00:00:43,532 --> 00:00:45,604
I want to know why you do what you do.

19
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What is your motive for action?

20
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What is it that drives you
in your life today? Not 10 years ago.

21
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Are you running the same pattern?

22
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Because I believe that the invisible force
of internal drive, activated,

23
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is the most important thing.

24
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I'm here because I believe
emotion is the force of life.

25
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All of us here have great minds.

26
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Most of us here have great minds, right?

27
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We all know how to think.

28
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With our minds we can
rationalize anything.

29
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We can make anything happen.

30
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I agree with what was described
a few days ago,

31
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that people work in their self-interest.

32
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But we know that that's bullshit at times.

33
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You don't work in your self-interest
all the time,

34
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because when emotion comes into it,

35
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the wiring changes
in the way it functions.

36
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So it's wonderful to think intellectually
about how the life of the world is,

37
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especially those who are very smart
can play this game in our head.

38
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But I really want to know
what's driving you.

39
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What I would like to invite you to do

40
00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:41,406
by the end of this talk is explore
where you are today, for two reasons.

41
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One: so that you can contribute more.

42
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And two: that hopefully we can not just
understand other people more,

43
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but appreciate them more,
and create the kinds of connections

44
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:52,466
that can stop some of the challenges
that we face today.

45
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They're only going to get magnified
by the very technology that connects us,

46
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because it's making us intersect.

47
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That intersection
doesn't always create a view

48
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of "everybody now understands everybody,

49
00:02:02,529 --> 00:02:04,893
and everybody appreciates everybody."

50
00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:07,508
I've had an obsession
basically for 30 years,

51
00:02:07,532 --> 00:02:11,847
"What makes the difference
in the quality of people's lives?

52
00:02:11,871 --> 00:02:13,328
What in their performance?"

53
00:02:13,352 --> 00:02:15,530
I got hired to produce the result now.

54
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I've done it for 30 years.

55
00:02:17,074 --> 00:02:18,621
I get the phone call

56
00:02:18,645 --> 00:02:21,387
when the athlete is burning down
on national television,

57
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and they were ahead by five strokes

58
00:02:23,121 --> 00:02:25,121
and now they can't get back on the course.

59
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I've got to do something right now
or nothing matters.

60
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I get the phone call
when the child is going commit suicide,

61
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I've got to do something.

62
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In 29 years, I'm very grateful
to tell you I've never lost one.

63
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It doesn't mean I won't some day,
but I haven't yet.

64
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The reason is an understanding
of these human needs.

65
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When I get those calls
about performance, that's one thing.

66
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How do you make a change?

67
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I'm also looking to see what is shaping
the person's ability to contribute,

68
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to do something beyond themselves.

69
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Maybe the real question is,

70
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I look at life and say
there's two master lessons.

71
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One is: there's the science
of achievement,

72
00:03:00,756 --> 00:03:03,526
which almost everything that's run
is mastered amazingly.

73
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:06,045
"How do you take the invisible
and make it visible,"

74
00:03:06,069 --> 00:03:07,786
How do you make your dreams happen?

75
00:03:07,810 --> 00:03:10,397
Your business, your contribution
to society, money --

76
00:03:10,421 --> 00:03:12,133
whatever, your body, your family.

77
00:03:12,157 --> 00:03:15,660
The other lesson that is rarely
mastered is the art of fulfillment.

78
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Because science is easy, right?

79
00:03:18,117 --> 00:03:21,022
We know the rules, you write the code
and you get the results.

80
00:03:21,046 --> 00:03:24,190
Once you know the game,
you just up the ante, don't you?

81
00:03:24,214 --> 00:03:26,647
But when it comes to fulfillment
-- that's an art.

82
00:03:26,671 --> 00:03:29,867
The reason is, it's about
appreciation and contribution.

83
00:03:29,891 --> 00:03:31,976
You can only feel so much by yourself.

84
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,936
I've had an interesting laboratory
to try to answer the real question

85
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,516
how somebody's life changes

86
00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:40,851
if you look at them like those people
that you've given everything to?

87
00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:42,999
Like all the resources they say they need.

88
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,809
You gave not a 100-dollar computer,
but the best computer.

89
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You gave them love, joy,
were there to comfort them.

90
00:03:48,379 --> 00:03:50,975
Those people very often
-- you know some of them --

91
00:03:50,999 --> 00:03:52,440
end up the rest of their life

92
00:03:52,464 --> 00:03:54,889
with all this love, education,
money and background

93
00:03:54,913 --> 00:03:56,297
going in and out of rehab.

94
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,976
Some people have been
through ultimate pain,

95
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,375
psychologically, sexually,
spiritually, emotionally abused --

96
00:04:03,399 --> 00:04:05,055
and not always, but often,

97
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:08,283
they become some of the people
that contribute the most to society.

98
00:04:08,307 --> 00:04:12,239
The question we've got to ask
ourselves really is, what is it?

99
00:04:12,263 --> 00:04:13,606
What is it that shapes us?

100
00:04:13,630 --> 00:04:15,241
We live in a therapy culture.

101
00:04:15,265 --> 00:04:18,307
Most of us don't do that,
but the culture's a therapy culture,

102
00:04:18,331 --> 00:04:20,320
the mindset that we are our past.

103
00:04:20,344 --> 00:04:22,976
And you wouldn't be in this room
if you bought that,

104
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,178
but most of society
thinks biography is destiny.

105
00:04:26,202 --> 00:04:27,845
The past equals the future.

106
00:04:27,869 --> 00:04:29,584
Of course it does if you live there.

107
00:04:29,608 --> 00:04:32,276
But what we know and what
we have to remind ourselves --

108
00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:34,494
because you can know
something intellectually

109
00:04:34,518 --> 00:04:36,366
and then not use it, not apply it.

110
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:40,628
We've got to remind ourselves
that decision is the ultimate power.

111
00:04:40,652 --> 00:04:43,356
When you ask people,

112
00:04:43,380 --> 00:04:47,253
have you failed to achieve
something significant in your life?

113
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Say, "Aye." Audience: Aye.

114
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,976
TR: Thanks for the interaction
on a high level there.

115
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,976
But if you ask people,
why didn't you achieve something?

116
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,255
Somebody who's working for you,
or a partner, or even yourself.

117
00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:01,375
When you fail to achieve,
what's the reason people say?

118
00:05:01,399 --> 00:05:02,542
What do they tell you?

119
00:05:02,566 --> 00:05:03,976
Didn't have the...

120
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,875
Didn't have the knowledge,
didn't have the money,

121
00:05:06,899 --> 00:05:11,136
didn't have the time,
didn't have the technology.

122
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,994
I didn't have the right manager.

123
00:05:13,018 --> 00:05:15,707
Al Gore: Supreme Court.
TR: The Supreme Court.

124
00:05:15,731 --> 00:05:17,961
(Laughter)

125
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,533
(Applause) (Cheering)

126
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,976
(Applause continues)

127
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,055
TR: And...

128
00:05:33,079 --> 00:05:35,977
(Applause)

129
00:05:36,001 --> 00:05:39,097
What do all those, including
the Supreme Court, have in common?

130
00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:40,495
(Laughter)

131
00:05:40,519 --> 00:05:45,319
They are a claim to you missing
resources, and they may be accurate.

132
00:05:45,343 --> 00:05:47,976
You may not have the money,
or the Supreme Court,

133
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,976
but that is not the defining factor.

134
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:55,957
(Applause) (Laughter)

135
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,524
And you correct me if I'm wrong.

136
00:05:58,714 --> 00:06:01,976
The defining factor is never resources;
it's resourcefulness.

137
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,804
And what I mean specifically,
rather than just some phrase,

138
00:06:04,828 --> 00:06:08,040
is if you have emotion, human emotion,

139
00:06:08,064 --> 00:06:12,093
something that I experienced from you
the day before yesterday

140
00:06:12,117 --> 00:06:14,708
at a level that is as profound
as I've ever experienced

141
00:06:14,732 --> 00:06:17,970
and I believe with that emotion
you would have beat his ass and won.

142
00:06:17,994 --> 00:06:19,051
Audience: Yeah!

143
00:06:19,075 --> 00:06:23,742
(Applause) (Cheering)

144
00:06:23,766 --> 00:06:25,976
How easy for me to tell him
what he should do.

145
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,976
(Laughter)

146
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,887
Idiot, Robbins.

147
00:06:30,911 --> 00:06:36,167
But I know when we watched
the debate at that time,

148
00:06:36,191 --> 00:06:38,478
there were emotions
that blocked people's ability

149
00:06:38,502 --> 00:06:40,479
to get this man's intellect and capacity.

150
00:06:40,503 --> 00:06:43,399
And the way that it came across
to some people on that day --

151
00:06:43,423 --> 00:06:46,798
because I know people that wanted
to vote in your direction and didn't,

152
00:06:46,822 --> 00:06:48,165
and I was upset.

153
00:06:48,189 --> 00:06:49,628
But there was emotion there.

154
00:06:49,652 --> 00:06:51,357
Do you know what I'm talking about?

155
00:06:51,381 --> 00:06:52,715
Say, "Aye." Audience: Aye.

156
00:06:52,739 --> 00:06:53,879
So, emotion is it.

157
00:06:53,903 --> 00:06:57,653
And if we get the right emotion,
we can get ourselves to do anything.

158
00:06:57,677 --> 00:06:59,597
If you're creative, playful, fun enough,

159
00:06:59,621 --> 00:07:01,691
can you get through to anybody, yes or no?

160
00:07:01,715 --> 00:07:03,159
If you don't have the money,

161
00:07:03,183 --> 00:07:05,712
but you're creative and determined,
you find the way.

162
00:07:05,736 --> 00:07:07,219
This is the ultimate resource.

163
00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:09,476
But this is not the story
that people tell us.

164
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,576
They tell us a bunch of different stories.

165
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,309
They tell us we don't have
the resources, but ultimately,

166
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:15,897
if you take a look here,

167
00:07:15,921 --> 00:07:19,263
they say, what are all the reasons
they haven't accomplished that?

168
00:07:19,287 --> 00:07:21,548
He's broken my pattern,
that son-of-a-bitch.

169
00:07:21,572 --> 00:07:24,899
(Laughter)

170
00:07:24,923 --> 00:07:27,277
But I appreciated the energy,
I'll tell you that.

171
00:07:27,301 --> 00:07:28,378
(Laughter)

172
00:07:28,402 --> 00:07:29,919
What determines your resources?

173
00:07:29,943 --> 00:07:33,080
We've said decisions shape destiny,
which is my focus here.

174
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:36,200
If decisions shape destiny,
what determines it is three decisions.

175
00:07:36,224 --> 00:07:37,377
What will you focus on?

176
00:07:37,401 --> 00:07:39,852
You have to decide
what you're going to focus on.

177
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Consciously or unconsciously.

178
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:44,272
the minute you decide to focus,
you must give it a meaning,

179
00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:46,185
and that meaning produces emotion.

180
00:07:46,209 --> 00:07:48,035
Is this the end or the beginning?

181
00:07:48,059 --> 00:07:51,958
Is God punishing me or rewarding me,
or is this the roll of the dice?

182
00:07:51,982 --> 00:07:54,976
An emotion creates
what we're going to do, or the action.

183
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,976
So, think about your own life,

184
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,048
the decisions that
have shaped your destiny.

185
00:07:59,072 --> 00:08:02,058
And that sounds really heavy,
but in the last five or 10 years,

186
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:03,629
have there been some decisions

187
00:08:03,653 --> 00:08:07,490
that if you'd made a different decision,
your life would be completely different?

188
00:08:07,514 --> 00:08:10,208
How many can think about it?
Better or worse. Say, "Aye."

189
00:08:10,232 --> 00:08:11,264
Audience: Aye.

190
00:08:11,288 --> 00:08:13,952
So the bottom line is,
maybe it was where to go to work,

191
00:08:13,976 --> 00:08:16,829
and you met the love of your life there,
a career decision.

192
00:08:16,853 --> 00:08:18,819
I know the Google geniuses I saw here --

193
00:08:18,843 --> 00:08:22,231
I mean, I understand that their decision
was to sell their technology.

194
00:08:22,255 --> 00:08:25,396
What if they made that decision
versus to build their own culture?

195
00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:28,349
How would the world or their lives
be different, their impact?

196
00:08:28,373 --> 00:08:30,490
The history of our world
is these decisions.

197
00:08:30,514 --> 00:08:34,076
When a woman stands up and says,
"No, I won't go to the back of the bus."

198
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:37,619
She didn't just affect her life.
That decision shaped our culture.

199
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:40,162
Or someone standing in front of a tank.

200
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,976
Or being in a position
like Lance Armstrong,

201
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,544
"You've got testicular cancer."

202
00:08:44,568 --> 00:08:47,607
That's pretty tough for any male,
especially if you ride a bike.

203
00:08:47,631 --> 00:08:48,976
(Laughter)

204
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,709
You've got it in your brain;
you've got it in your lungs.

205
00:08:51,733 --> 00:08:53,925
But what was his decision
of what to focus on?

206
00:08:53,949 --> 00:08:56,088
Different than most people.
What did it mean?

207
00:08:56,112 --> 00:08:58,063
It wasn't the end; it was the beginning.

208
00:08:58,087 --> 00:09:00,878
He goes off and wins
seven championships he never once won

209
00:09:00,902 --> 00:09:04,784
before the cancer, because he got
emotional fitness, psychological strength.

210
00:09:04,808 --> 00:09:07,299
That's the difference
in human beings that I've seen

211
00:09:07,323 --> 00:09:09,182
of the three million I've been around.

212
00:09:09,206 --> 00:09:14,991
In my lab, I've had three million people
from 80 countries over the last 29 years.

213
00:09:15,015 --> 00:09:17,479
And after a while,
patterns become obvious.

214
00:09:17,503 --> 00:09:21,502
You see that South America and Africa
may be connected in a certain way, right?

215
00:09:21,526 --> 00:09:24,144
Others say, "Oh, that sounds
ridiculous." It's simple.

216
00:09:24,168 --> 00:09:26,452
So, what shaped Lance? What shapes you?

217
00:09:26,476 --> 00:09:30,798
Two invisible forces.
Very quickly. One: state.

218
00:09:30,822 --> 00:09:31,976
We all have had times,

219
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,793
you did something, and after,
you thought to yourself,

220
00:09:34,817 --> 00:09:37,976
"I can't believe I said or did that,
that was so stupid."

221
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,095
Who's been there? Say, "Aye."
Audience: Aye.

222
00:09:40,119 --> 00:09:42,515
Or after you did something,
you go, "That was me!"

223
00:09:42,539 --> 00:09:43,976
(Laughter)

224
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,834
It wasn't your ability; it was your state.

225
00:09:46,858 --> 00:09:49,778
Your model of the world
is what shapes you long term.

226
00:09:49,802 --> 00:09:53,334
Your model of the world is the filter.
That's what's shaping us.

227
00:09:53,358 --> 00:09:54,958
It makes people make decisions.

228
00:09:54,982 --> 00:09:58,238
To influence somebody, we need to know
what already influences them.

229
00:09:58,262 --> 00:10:00,071
It's made up of three parts.

230
00:10:00,095 --> 00:10:02,434
First, what's your target?
What are you after?

231
00:10:02,458 --> 00:10:03,976
It's not your desires.

232
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,635
You can get your desires or goals.

233
00:10:05,659 --> 00:10:08,873
Who has ever got a goal or desire
and thought, is this all there is?

234
00:10:08,897 --> 00:10:10,150
Say, "Aye." Audience: Aye.

235
00:10:10,174 --> 00:10:13,042
It's needs we have. I believe
there are six human needs.

236
00:10:13,066 --> 00:10:15,976
Second, once you know what the target
that's driving you is

237
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,976
and you uncover it for the truth --
you don't form it --

238
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,735
then you find out what's your map,

239
00:10:20,759 --> 00:10:23,820
what's the belief systems
that tell you how to get those needs.

240
00:10:23,844 --> 00:10:26,795
Some people think the way
to get them is to destroy the world,

241
00:10:26,819 --> 00:10:29,369
some people, to build,
create something, love someone.

242
00:10:29,393 --> 00:10:31,976
There's the fuel you pick.
So very quickly, six needs.

243
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,471
Let me tell you what they are.
First one: certainty.

244
00:10:34,495 --> 00:10:36,958
These are not goals or desires,
these are universal.

245
00:10:36,982 --> 00:10:39,082
Everyone needs certainty
they can avoid pain

246
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:40,523
and at least be comfortable.

247
00:10:40,547 --> 00:10:41,801
Now, how do you get it?

248
00:10:41,825 --> 00:10:44,910
Control everybody? Develop a skill?
Give up? Smoke a cigarette?

249
00:10:44,934 --> 00:10:46,976
And if you got totally
certain, ironically,

250
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,286
even though we need that --

251
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:51,503
you're not certain about your health,
or your children, or money.

252
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,742
If you're not sure
the ceiling will hold up,

253
00:10:53,766 --> 00:10:55,385
you won't listen to any speaker.

254
00:10:55,409 --> 00:10:59,158
While we go for certainty differently,
if we get total certainty, we get what?

255
00:10:59,182 --> 00:11:00,876
What do you feel if you're certain?

256
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:03,553
You know what will happen,
when and how it will happen,

257
00:11:03,577 --> 00:11:04,676
what would you feel?

258
00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:07,376
Bored out of your minds.
So, God, in Her infinite wisdom,

259
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,976
gave us a second human need,
which is uncertainty.

260
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,976
We need variety. We need surprise.

261
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,296
How many of you here
love surprises? Say, "Aye."

262
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,401
Audience: Aye.

263
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:19,036
TR: Bullshit. You like
the surprises you want.

264
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:22,404
The ones you don't want,
you call problems, but you need them.

265
00:11:22,428 --> 00:11:24,207
So, variety is important.

266
00:11:24,231 --> 00:11:27,343
Have you ever rented a video
or a film that you've already seen?

267
00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:29,176
Who's done this? Get a fucking life.

268
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,976
(Laughter)

269
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,610
Why are you doing it?

270
00:11:32,634 --> 00:11:35,417
You're certain it's good
because you read or saw it before,

271
00:11:35,441 --> 00:11:38,135
but you're hoping it's been
long enough you've forgotten,

272
00:11:38,159 --> 00:11:39,176
and there's variety.

273
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,236
Third human need, critical: significance.

274
00:11:41,260 --> 00:11:43,535
We all need to feel important,
special, unique.

275
00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:46,426
You can get it by making more money
or being more spiritual.

276
00:11:46,450 --> 00:11:49,366
You can do it by getting yourself
in a situation where you put

277
00:11:49,390 --> 00:11:52,376
more tattoos and earrings in places
humans don't want to know.

278
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,465
Whatever it takes.

279
00:11:53,489 --> 00:11:54,776
The fastest way to do this,

280
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,776
if you have no background,
no culture, no belief and resources

281
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,439
or resourcefulness, is violence.

282
00:11:59,463 --> 00:12:03,223
If I put a gun to your head and I live
in the 'hood, instantly I'm significant.

283
00:12:03,247 --> 00:12:04,708
Zero to 10. How high? 10.

284
00:12:04,732 --> 00:12:07,818
How certain am I that
you're going to respond to me? 10.

285
00:12:07,842 --> 00:12:08,958
How much uncertainty?

286
00:12:08,982 --> 00:12:11,676
Who knows what's going to happen next?
Kind of exciting.

287
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:14,076
Like climbing up into a cave
and doing that stuff

288
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,380
all the way down there.

289
00:12:15,404 --> 00:12:16,866
Total variety and uncertainty.

290
00:12:16,890 --> 00:12:20,276
And it's significant, isn't it?
So you want to risk your life for it.

291
00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:23,376
So that's why violence has always
been around and will be around

292
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,857
unless we have a consciousness
change as a species.

293
00:12:25,881 --> 00:12:27,876
You can get significance a million ways,

294
00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:30,799
but to be significant, you've got
to be unique and different.

295
00:12:30,823 --> 00:12:33,805
Here's what we really need:
connection and love, fourth need.

296
00:12:33,829 --> 00:12:34,876
We all want it;

297
00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:37,079
most settle for connection,
love's too scary.

298
00:12:37,103 --> 00:12:39,580
Who here has been hurt
in an intimate relationship?

299
00:12:39,604 --> 00:12:42,436
If you don't raise your hand,
you've had other shit, too.

300
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:44,183
And you're going to get hurt again.

301
00:12:44,207 --> 00:12:46,467
Aren't you glad you came
to this positive visit?

302
00:12:46,491 --> 00:12:48,011
Here's what's true: we need it.

303
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:51,411
We can do it through
intimacy, friendship, prayer,

304
00:12:51,435 --> 00:12:52,782
through walking in nature.

305
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,638
If nothing else works for you,
don't get a cat, get a dog,

306
00:12:55,662 --> 00:12:59,257
because if you leave for two minutes,
it's like you've been gone six months,

307
00:12:59,281 --> 00:13:00,967
when you come back 5 minutes later.

308
00:13:01,011 --> 00:13:03,666
These first four needs,
every human finds a way to meet.

309
00:13:03,690 --> 00:13:06,900
Even if you lie to yourself,
you need to have split personalities.

310
00:13:06,924 --> 00:13:11,463
I call the first four needs
the needs of the personality.

311
00:13:11,487 --> 00:13:14,221
The last two are the needs of the spirit.

312
00:13:14,245 --> 00:13:16,012
And this is where fulfillment comes.

313
00:13:16,036 --> 00:13:17,831
You won't get it from the first four.

314
00:13:17,855 --> 00:13:21,141
You'll figure a way, smoke, drink,
do whatever, meet the first four.

315
00:13:21,165 --> 00:13:22,741
But number five, you must grow.

316
00:13:22,765 --> 00:13:23,894
We all know the answer.

317
00:13:23,918 --> 00:13:25,441
If you don't grow, you're what?

318
00:13:25,465 --> 00:13:27,574
If a relationship or business
is not growing,

319
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:28,735
if you're not growing,

320
00:13:28,759 --> 00:13:31,162
doesn't matter how much
money or friends you have,

321
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,362
how many love you,

322
00:13:32,386 --> 00:13:33,629
you feel like hell.

323
00:13:33,653 --> 00:13:35,244
And I believe the reason we grow

324
00:13:35,268 --> 00:13:37,228
is so we have something to give of value.

325
00:13:37,252 --> 00:13:39,963
Because the sixth need
is to contribute beyond ourselves.

326
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:42,064
Because we all know, corny as that sounds,

327
00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:43,674
the secret to living is giving.

328
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:45,982
We all know life is not about me,
it's about we.

329
00:13:46,006 --> 00:13:48,245
This culture knows that,
this room knows that.

330
00:13:48,269 --> 00:13:49,346
It's exciting.

331
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,964
When you see Nicholas
talking about his $100 computer,

332
00:13:51,988 --> 00:13:53,327
the most exciting thing is:

333
00:13:53,351 --> 00:13:55,766
here's a genius,
but he's got a calling now.

334
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:58,662
You can feel the difference in him,
and it's beautiful.

335
00:13:58,686 --> 00:14:00,629
And that calling can touch other people.

336
00:14:00,653 --> 00:14:03,530
My life was touched
because when I was 11 years old,

337
00:14:03,554 --> 00:14:05,541
Thanksgiving, no money, no food,

338
00:14:05,565 --> 00:14:06,976
we were not going to starve,

339
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,715
but my father was totally messed up,

340
00:14:08,739 --> 00:14:11,070
my mom was letting him know
how bad he messed up,

341
00:14:11,094 --> 00:14:13,449
and somebody came to the door
and delivered food.

342
00:14:13,473 --> 00:14:16,533
My father made three decisions,
I know what they were, briefly.

343
00:14:16,557 --> 00:14:18,382
His focus was "This is charity.

344
00:14:18,406 --> 00:14:20,072
What does it mean? I'm worthless.

345
00:14:20,096 --> 00:14:22,721
What do I have to do?
Leave my family," which he did.

346
00:14:22,745 --> 00:14:25,227
It was one of the most painful
experiences of life.

347
00:14:25,251 --> 00:14:27,420
My three decisions
gave me a different path.

348
00:14:27,796 --> 00:14:31,118
I set focus on "There's food."
What a concept!

349
00:14:31,142 --> 00:14:32,219
(Laughter)

350
00:14:32,243 --> 00:14:35,438
But this is what changed my life,
shaped me as a human being.

351
00:14:35,462 --> 00:14:37,655
Somebody's gift,
I don't even know who it is.

352
00:14:37,679 --> 00:14:39,939
My father always said,
"No one gives a shit."

353
00:14:40,825 --> 00:14:42,299
And now somebody I don't know,

354
00:14:42,323 --> 00:14:44,857
they're not asking for anything,
just giving us food,

355
00:14:44,881 --> 00:14:46,058
looking out for us.

356
00:14:46,082 --> 00:14:48,721
It made me believe this:
that strangers care.

357
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:50,859
And that made me decide,

358
00:14:50,883 --> 00:14:53,950
if strangers care about me and my family,
I care about them.

359
00:14:53,974 --> 00:14:56,190
I'm going to do something
to make a difference.

360
00:14:56,214 --> 00:14:58,311
So when I was 17,
I went out on Thanksgiving,

361
00:14:58,335 --> 00:15:01,588
it was my target for years to have
enough money to feed two families.

362
00:15:01,612 --> 00:15:04,077
The most fun and moving thing
I ever did in my life.

363
00:15:04,101 --> 00:15:05,784
Next year, I did four, then eight.

364
00:15:05,808 --> 00:15:09,543
I didn't tell anybody what I was doing,
I wasn't doing it for brownie points.

365
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:11,953
But after eight,
I thought I could use some help.

366
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:14,405
So I went out, got my friends involved,

367
00:15:14,429 --> 00:15:17,606
then I grew companies, got 11,
and I built the foundation.

368
00:15:17,630 --> 00:15:18,824
18 years later,

369
00:15:18,848 --> 00:15:22,294
I'm proud to tell you last year we fed
2 million people in 35 countries

370
00:15:22,318 --> 00:15:23,502
through our foundation.

371
00:15:23,526 --> 00:15:25,859
All during the holidays,
Thanksgiving, Christmas,

372
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,886
in different countries around the world.

373
00:15:27,910 --> 00:15:29,011
(Applause)

374
00:15:29,035 --> 00:15:30,181
Thank you.

375
00:15:30,205 --> 00:15:33,777
I don't tell you that to brag,
but because I'm proud of human beings

376
00:15:33,801 --> 00:15:35,708
because they get excited to contribute

377
00:15:35,732 --> 00:15:38,841
once they've had the chance
to experience it, not talk about it.

378
00:15:38,865 --> 00:15:40,656
So, finally -- I'm about out of time.

379
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,539
The target that shapes you --

380
00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:45,422
Here's what's different about people.

381
00:15:45,446 --> 00:15:46,631
We have the same needs.

382
00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:49,522
But are you a certainty freak,
is that what you value most,

383
00:15:49,546 --> 00:15:50,723
or uncertainty?

384
00:15:50,747 --> 00:15:54,288
This man couldn't be a certainty freak
if he climbed through those caves.

385
00:15:54,312 --> 00:15:56,193
Are you driven by significance or love?

386
00:15:56,217 --> 00:15:57,493
We all need all six,

387
00:15:57,517 --> 00:16:00,601
but what your lead system is
tilts you in a different direction.

388
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:03,761
And as you move in a direction,
you have a destination or destiny.

389
00:16:03,785 --> 00:16:05,210
The second piece is the map.

390
00:16:05,234 --> 00:16:07,510
The operating system
tells you how to get there,

391
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:08,815
and some people's map is,

392
00:16:08,839 --> 00:16:11,610
"I'm going to save lives
even if I die for other people,"

393
00:16:11,634 --> 00:16:12,810
and they're a fireman,

394
00:16:12,834 --> 00:16:15,750
and somebody else says,
"I'm going to kill people to do it."

395
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:18,352
They're trying to meet
the same needs of significance.

396
00:16:18,376 --> 00:16:20,569
They want to honor God
or honor their family.

397
00:16:20,593 --> 00:16:22,115
But they have a different map.

398
00:16:22,139 --> 00:16:26,018
And there are seven different beliefs;
I can't go through them, because I'm done.

399
00:16:26,042 --> 00:16:27,371
The last piece is emotion.

400
00:16:27,395 --> 00:16:29,396
One of the parts of the map is like time.

401
00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:31,709
Some people's idea
of a long time is 100 years.

402
00:16:31,733 --> 00:16:34,408
Somebody else's is three seconds,
which is what I have.

403
00:16:34,432 --> 00:16:37,203
And the last one I've already mentioned
that fell to you.

404
00:16:37,227 --> 00:16:38,950
If you've got a target and a map --

405
00:16:38,974 --> 00:16:40,907
I can't use Google because I love Macs,

406
00:16:40,931 --> 00:16:43,027
and they haven't made it
good for Macs yet.

407
00:16:43,051 --> 00:16:44,332
So if you use MapQuest --

408
00:16:44,356 --> 00:16:46,771
how many have made
this fatal mistake of using it?

409
00:16:46,795 --> 00:16:48,891
You use this thing
and you don't get there.

410
00:16:48,915 --> 00:16:52,551
Imagine if your beliefs guarantee
you can never get to where you want to go.

411
00:16:52,575 --> 00:16:53,652
(Laughter)

412
00:16:53,676 --> 00:16:55,010
The last thing is emotion.

413
00:16:55,034 --> 00:16:57,038
Here's what I'll tell you about emotion.

414
00:16:57,062 --> 00:16:58,537
There are 6,000 emotions

415
00:16:58,561 --> 00:17:00,850
that we have words for
in the English language,

416
00:17:00,874 --> 00:17:04,030
which is just a linguistic representation
that changes by language.

417
00:17:04,054 --> 00:17:06,354
But if your dominant emotions --

418
00:17:06,378 --> 00:17:09,105
If I have 20,000 people or 1,000

419
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:12,181
and I have them write down
all the emotions that they experience

420
00:17:12,205 --> 00:17:13,206
in an average week,

421
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:15,160
and I give them as long as they need,

422
00:17:15,184 --> 00:17:17,473
and on one side
they write empowering emotions,

423
00:17:17,497 --> 00:17:18,812
the other's disempowering,

424
00:17:18,836 --> 00:17:21,363
guess how many emotions
they experience? Less than 12.

425
00:17:21,387 --> 00:17:23,483
And half of those
make them feel like shit.

426
00:17:23,507 --> 00:17:24,932
They have six good feelings.

427
00:17:24,956 --> 00:17:26,596
Happy, happy, excited, oh shit,

428
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:28,863
frustrated, frustrated,
overwhelmed, depressed.

429
00:17:28,887 --> 00:17:30,360
How many of you know somebody

430
00:17:30,384 --> 00:17:33,155
who, no matter what happens,
finds a way to get pissed off?

431
00:17:33,179 --> 00:17:34,359
(Laughter)

432
00:17:34,383 --> 00:17:38,724
Or no matter what happens,
they find a way to be happy or excited.

433
00:17:38,748 --> 00:17:40,752
How many of you know somebody like this?

434
00:17:40,776 --> 00:17:43,722
When 9/11 happened, I'll finish with this,
I was in Hawaii.

435
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:46,409
I was with 2,000 people from 45 countries,

436
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:48,819
we were translating
four languages simultaneously

437
00:17:48,843 --> 00:17:50,963
for a program I was conducting,
for a week.

438
00:17:51,275 --> 00:17:53,516
The night before was called
Emotional Mastery.

439
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,925
I got up, had no plan
for this, and I said --

440
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:59,047
we had fireworks,
I do crazy shit, fun stuff,

441
00:17:59,071 --> 00:18:00,352
and at the end, I stopped.

442
00:18:00,376 --> 00:18:03,099
I had this plan, but I never know
what I'm going to say.

443
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:04,548
And all of a sudden, I said,

444
00:18:04,572 --> 00:18:07,620
"When do people really start to live?
When they face death."

445
00:18:07,644 --> 00:18:09,352
And I went through this whole thing

446
00:18:09,376 --> 00:18:11,858
about, if you weren't going
to get off this island,

447
00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,075
if nine days from now,
you were going to die,

448
00:18:14,099 --> 00:18:16,918
who would you call,
what would you say, what would you do?

449
00:18:16,942 --> 00:18:18,610
That night is when 9/11 happened.

450
00:18:18,634 --> 00:18:21,500
One woman had come to the seminar,
and when she came there,

451
00:18:21,524 --> 00:18:24,199
her previous boyfriend had been
kidnapped and murdered.

452
00:18:24,223 --> 00:18:26,898
Her new boyfriend wanted to marry her,
and she said no.

453
00:18:26,922 --> 00:18:30,279
He said, "If you go to that Hawaii thing,
it's over with us."

454
00:18:30,303 --> 00:18:31,539
She said, "It's over."

455
00:18:31,563 --> 00:18:34,528
When I finished that night,
she called him and left a message

456
00:18:34,552 --> 00:18:37,516
at the top of the World Trade Center
where he worked, saying,

457
00:18:37,540 --> 00:18:40,069
"I love you, I want you to know
I want to marry you.

458
00:18:40,093 --> 00:18:41,497
It was stupid of me."

459
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:44,919
She was asleep, because it was 3 a.m.
for us, when he called her back,

460
00:18:44,943 --> 00:18:47,823
and said, "Honey, I can't tell you
what this means.

461
00:18:47,847 --> 00:18:51,196
I don't know how to tell you this,
but you gave me the greatest gift,

462
00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:52,577
because I'm going to die."

463
00:18:53,164 --> 00:18:55,502
And she played the recording
for us in the room.

464
00:18:55,526 --> 00:18:56,951
She was on Larry King later.

465
00:18:56,975 --> 00:18:58,931
And he said, "You're probably wondering

466
00:18:58,955 --> 00:19:01,047
how on Earth this could
happen to you twice.

467
00:19:01,071 --> 00:19:03,553
All I can say is this must be
God's message to you.

468
00:19:03,577 --> 00:19:06,108
From now on, every day,
give your all, love your all.

469
00:19:06,132 --> 00:19:08,111
Don't let anything ever stop you."

470
00:19:08,707 --> 00:19:10,950
She finishes, and a man
stands up, and he says,

471
00:19:10,974 --> 00:19:12,550
"I'm from Pakistan, I'm a Muslim.

472
00:19:12,574 --> 00:19:14,767
I'd love to hold your hand
and say I'm sorry,

473
00:19:14,791 --> 00:19:17,005
but frankly, this is retribution."

474
00:19:18,130 --> 00:19:20,613
I can't tell you the rest,
because I'm out of time.

475
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:27,295
(Laughter)

476
00:19:27,319 --> 00:19:28,495
Are you sure?

477
00:19:28,519 --> 00:19:32,815
(Laughter)

478
00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,015
10 seconds!

479
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:37,347
(Laughter and applause)

480
00:19:37,371 --> 00:19:39,318
10 seconds, I want to be respectful.

481
00:19:39,342 --> 00:19:40,478
All I can tell you is,

482
00:19:40,502 --> 00:19:42,109
I brought this man on stage

483
00:19:42,133 --> 00:19:45,074
with a man from New York who worked
in the World Trade Center,

484
00:19:45,098 --> 00:19:47,098
because I had about 200 New Yorkers there.

485
00:19:47,122 --> 00:19:49,557
More than 50 lost
their entire companies, friends,

486
00:19:49,581 --> 00:19:51,103
marking off their Palm Pilots.

487
00:19:51,127 --> 00:19:53,705
One financial trader,
woman made of steel, bawling --

488
00:19:53,729 --> 00:19:55,554
30 friends crossing off that all died.

489
00:19:55,578 --> 00:19:58,884
And I said, "What are we
going to focus on?

490
00:19:59,572 --> 00:20:01,910
What does this mean
and what are we going to do?"

491
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:04,006
And I got the group to focus on:

492
00:20:04,030 --> 00:20:05,746
if you didn't lose somebody today,

493
00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:08,348
your focus is going to be
how to serve somebody else.

494
00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:11,480
Then one woman stood up
and was so angry, screaming and yelling.

495
00:20:11,504 --> 00:20:14,420
I found out she wasn't from New York,
she's not an American,

496
00:20:14,444 --> 00:20:15,773
doesn't know anybody here.

497
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:17,559
I asked, "Do you always get angry?"

498
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:18,760
She said, "Yes."

499
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:20,976
Guilty people got guilty,
sad people got sad.

500
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,675
I took these two men
and I did an indirect negotiation.

501
00:20:23,699 --> 00:20:26,084
Jewish man with family
in the occupied territory,

502
00:20:26,108 --> 00:20:29,362
someone in New York who would have died
if he was at work that day,

503
00:20:29,386 --> 00:20:31,486
and this man who wanted to be a terrorist,

504
00:20:31,510 --> 00:20:32,790
and I made it very clear.

505
00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:35,731
This integration is on a film,
which I'd be happy to send you,

506
00:20:35,755 --> 00:20:37,181
instead of my verbalization,

507
00:20:37,205 --> 00:20:39,305
but the two of them not only came together

508
00:20:39,329 --> 00:20:41,763
and changed their beliefs
and models of the world,

509
00:20:41,787 --> 00:20:44,509
but worked together to bring,
for almost four years now,

510
00:20:44,533 --> 00:20:46,412
through various mosques and synagogues,

511
00:20:46,436 --> 00:20:48,054
the idea of how to create peace.

512
00:20:48,078 --> 00:20:50,741
And he wrote a book, called
"My Jihad, My Way of Peace."

513
00:20:50,765 --> 00:20:52,288
So, transformation can happen.

514
00:20:52,312 --> 00:20:53,536
My invitation to you is:

515
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,091
explore your web,

516
00:20:55,115 --> 00:20:56,665
the web in here --

517
00:20:56,689 --> 00:21:00,277
the needs, the beliefs, the emotions
that are controlling you,

518
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:01,478
for two reasons:

519
00:21:01,502 --> 00:21:03,799
so there's more of you to give,
and achieve, too,

520
00:21:03,823 --> 00:21:05,111
but I mean give,

521
00:21:05,135 --> 00:21:07,188
because that's what's
going to fill you up.

522
00:21:07,212 --> 00:21:09,040
And secondly, so you can appreciate --

523
00:21:09,064 --> 00:21:11,883
not just understand,
that's intellectual, that's the mind,

524
00:21:11,907 --> 00:21:14,005
but appreciate
what's driving other people.

525
00:21:14,029 --> 00:21:16,270
It's the only way
our world's going to change.

526
00:21:16,294 --> 00:21:18,872
God bless you, thank you.
I hope this was of service.

527
00:21:18,896 --> 00:21:20,505
(Applause)