0:00:00.000,0:00:01.000
(Applause)

0:00:02.000,0:00:05.000
Thank you. I have to tell you I'm both challenged and excited.

0:00:05.000,0:00:08.000
My excitement is: I get a chance to give something back.

0:00:08.000,0:00:12.000
My challenge is: the shortest seminar I usually do is 50 hours.

0:00:12.000,0:00:13.000
(Laughter)

0:00:13.000,0:00:16.000
I'm not exaggerating. I do weekends, and what I do --

0:00:16.000,0:00:17.000
I do even more than that, obviously, coach people --

0:00:17.000,0:00:20.000
but I'm into immersion. Because how did you learn language?

0:00:20.000,0:00:22.000
You didn't learn it by just learning principles,

0:00:22.000,0:00:25.000
you got in it and you did it so often that it became real.

0:00:25.000,0:00:28.000
And the bottom line of why I'm here, besides being a crazy mofo,

0:00:28.000,0:00:30.000
is that I'm really in a position --

0:00:30.000,0:00:32.000
I'm not here to motivate you, obviously; you don't need that.

0:00:32.000,0:00:34.000
And a lot of times that's what people think I do,

0:00:34.000,0:00:37.000
and it's the furthest thing from it. What happens, though, is

0:00:38.000,0:00:39.000
people say to me, "I don't need any motivation."

0:00:39.000,0:00:41.000
And I say, "Well, that's interesting. That's not what I do."

0:00:41.000,0:00:45.000
I'm the "Why" guy. I want to know why you do what you do.

0:00:45.000,0:00:47.000
What is your motive for action?

0:00:48.000,0:00:51.000
What is it that drives you in your life today? Not 10 years ago.

0:00:51.000,0:00:53.000
Or are you running the same pattern? Because I believe

0:00:53.000,0:00:56.000
that the invisible force of internal drive, activated,

0:00:56.000,0:00:58.000
is the most important thing in the world.

0:00:58.000,0:01:02.000
I'm here because I believe emotion is the force of life.

0:01:02.000,0:01:04.000
All of us here have great minds.

0:01:04.000,0:01:06.000
You know? Most of us here have great minds, right?

0:01:07.000,0:01:09.000
I don't know about another category, but we all know how to think.

0:01:09.000,0:01:10.000
And with our minds we can rationalize anything.

0:01:11.000,0:01:14.000
We can make anything happen. We can -- I agree with what was described

0:01:14.000,0:01:17.000
a few days ago, about this idea that people work in their self-interest.

0:01:17.000,0:01:19.000
But we all know that that's bullshit at times.

0:01:20.000,0:01:22.000
You don't work in your self-interest all the time,

0:01:23.000,0:01:24.000
because when emotion comes into it,

0:01:24.000,0:01:26.000
the wiring changes in the way it functions.

0:01:27.000,0:01:29.000
And so it's wonderful for us to think intellectually

0:01:29.000,0:01:31.000
about how the life of the world is, and especially

0:01:31.000,0:01:33.000
those who are very smart -- we can play this game in our head.

0:01:33.000,0:01:35.000
But I really want to know what's driving you.

0:01:35.000,0:01:37.000
And what I would like to maybe invite you to do

0:01:37.000,0:01:40.000
by the end of this talk is explore where you are today,

0:01:40.000,0:01:43.000
for two reasons. One: so that you can contribute more. And two:

0:01:44.000,0:01:46.000
so that hopefully we can not just understand other people more,

0:01:46.000,0:01:49.000
but maybe appreciate them more, and create the kinds of connections

0:01:49.000,0:01:51.000
that can stop some of the challenges

0:01:51.000,0:01:52.000
that we face in our society today.

0:01:52.000,0:01:54.000
They're only going to get magnified

0:01:54.000,0:01:55.000
by the very technology that's connecting us,

0:01:56.000,0:01:59.000
because it's making us intersect. And that intersection

0:01:59.000,0:02:02.000
doesn't always create the view of "everybody now understands everybody,

0:02:02.000,0:02:04.000
and everybody appreciates everybody."

0:02:04.000,0:02:08.000
So, I've had an obsession basically for 30 years, and that obsession has been,

0:02:09.000,0:02:11.000
"What makes the difference in the quality of peoples lives?

0:02:12.000,0:02:13.000
What makes the difference in their performance?"

0:02:13.000,0:02:14.000
Because that's what I got hired to do.

0:02:14.000,0:02:15.000
I've got to produce the result now.

0:02:15.000,0:02:18.000
That's what I've done for 30 years. I get the phone call

0:02:18.000,0:02:21.000
when the athlete is burning down on national television,

0:02:21.000,0:02:23.000
and they were ahead by five strokes

0:02:23.000,0:02:24.000
and now they can't get back on the course.

0:02:25.000,0:02:26.000
And I've got to do something right now to get the result

0:02:26.000,0:02:28.000
or nothing matters. I get the phone call

0:02:29.000,0:02:30.000
when the child is going commit suicide,

0:02:31.000,0:02:33.000
and I've got to do something right now. And in 29 years --

0:02:33.000,0:02:36.000
I'm very grateful to tell you I've never lost one in 29 years.

0:02:36.000,0:02:38.000
It doesn't mean I won't some day. But I haven't done it,

0:02:38.000,0:02:40.000
and the reason is an understanding of these human needs that I want to talk to you about.

0:02:40.000,0:02:43.000
So, when I get those calls about performance, that's one thing.

0:02:43.000,0:02:45.000
How do you make a change?

0:02:46.000,0:02:49.000
But also, I'm looking to see what is it

0:02:49.000,0:02:51.000
that's shaping that person's ability to contribute,

0:02:52.000,0:02:55.000
to do something beyond themselves. So maybe the real question is,

0:02:55.000,0:02:58.000
you know, I look at life and say, there's two master lessons.

0:02:58.000,0:03:00.000
One is: there's the science of achievement,

0:03:00.000,0:03:02.000
which almost everything that's run is mastered to an amazing extent.

0:03:03.000,0:03:05.000
That's "How do you take the invisible and make it visible," right?

0:03:05.000,0:03:07.000
How do you take what you're dreaming of and make it happen?

0:03:07.000,0:03:09.000
Whether it be your business, your contribution to society, money --

0:03:10.000,0:03:11.000
whatever it is for you -- your body, your family.

0:03:12.000,0:03:14.000
But the other lesson of life that is rarely mastered is the art of fulfillment.

0:03:14.000,0:03:17.000
Because science is easy, right?

0:03:17.000,0:03:19.000
We know the rules. You write the code. You follow the --

0:03:20.000,0:03:21.000
and you get the results. Once you know the game

0:03:21.000,0:03:23.000
you just, you know, you up the ante, don't you?

0:03:24.000,0:03:26.000
But when it comes to fulfillment -- that's an art.

0:03:26.000,0:03:28.000
And the reason is, it's about appreciation

0:03:28.000,0:03:31.000
and it's about contribution. You can only feel so much by yourself.

0:03:32.000,0:03:35.000
So, I've had an interesting laboratory to try to answer the question

0:03:35.000,0:03:36.000
of the real question, which is what's the difference

0:03:36.000,0:03:39.000
in somebody's life if you look at somebody like those people

0:03:39.000,0:03:42.000
that you've given everything to? Like all the resources

0:03:42.000,0:03:44.000
they say they need. You gave them not a 100-dollar computer;

0:03:44.000,0:03:46.000
you gave them the best computer. You gave them love;

0:03:46.000,0:03:47.000
you gave them joy. You were there to comfort them.

0:03:48.000,0:03:50.000
And those people very often -- and you know some of them, I'm sure --

0:03:51.000,0:03:53.000
end up the rest of their life with all this love, education, money

0:03:53.000,0:03:56.000
and background, spending their life going in and out of rehab.

0:03:57.000,0:03:59.000
And then you meet people that have been through ultimate pain --

0:04:00.000,0:04:03.000
psychologically, sexually, spiritually, emotionally abused --

0:04:03.000,0:04:05.000
and not always, but often, they become some of the people

0:04:05.000,0:04:08.000
that contribute the most to society.

0:04:08.000,0:04:11.000
So, the question we've got to ask ourselves really is, what is it?

0:04:12.000,0:04:14.000
What is it that shapes us? And we live in a therapy culture.

0:04:15.000,0:04:17.000
Most of us don't do that, but the culture's a therapy culture.

0:04:17.000,0:04:19.000
And what I mean by that is the mindset that we are our past.

0:04:20.000,0:04:22.000
And everybody in this room -- you wouldn't be in this room

0:04:22.000,0:04:23.000
if you bought that theory --

0:04:23.000,0:04:25.000
but the -- most of society thinks biography is destiny.

0:04:26.000,0:04:29.000
The past equals the future. And of course it does if you live there.

0:04:29.000,0:04:30.000
But what people in this room know,

0:04:31.000,0:04:32.000
and what we have to remind ourselves, though --

0:04:32.000,0:04:34.000
because you can know something intellectually, you can know what to do

0:04:35.000,0:04:36.000
and then not use it, not apply it.

0:04:37.000,0:04:38.000
So really, we're going to remind ourselves

0:04:38.000,0:04:41.000
that decision is the ultimate power. That's what it really is.

0:04:41.000,0:04:43.000
Now, when you ask people, you know,

0:04:43.000,0:04:44.000
have you failed to achieve something?

0:04:44.000,0:04:46.000
How many have ever failed to achieve

0:04:46.000,0:04:47.000
something significant in your life? Say, "Aye."

0:04:48.000,0:04:49.000
Audience: Aye.

0:04:49.000,0:04:50.000
TR: Thanks for the interaction on a high level there.

0:04:51.000,0:04:52.000
(Laughter)

0:04:52.000,0:04:55.000
But if you ask people, why didn't you achieve something?

0:04:55.000,0:04:57.000
Somebody who's working for you, you know, or a partner,

0:04:57.000,0:04:59.000
or even yourself. When you fail to achieve a goal,

0:04:59.000,0:05:01.000
what's the reason people say they fail to achieve?

0:05:01.000,0:05:03.000
What do they tell you? Don't have the -- didn't know enough,

0:05:04.000,0:05:06.000
didn't have the -- knowledge. Didn't have the -- money.

0:05:06.000,0:05:11.000
Didn't have the -- time. Didn't have the -- technology. You know,

0:05:11.000,0:05:14.000
I didn't have the right manager. Didn't have the ...

0:05:14.000,0:05:18.000
Al Gore: Supreme Court. (Laughter)

0:05:28.000,0:05:30.000
TR: And --

0:05:30.000,0:05:32.000
(Applause)

0:05:32.000,0:05:33.000
and --

0:05:33.000,0:05:36.000
(Applause)

0:05:36.000,0:05:38.000
-- what do all those, including the Supreme Court, have in common?

0:05:38.000,0:05:40.000
(Laughter)

0:05:41.000,0:05:45.000
They are a claim to you missing resources, and they may be accurate.

0:05:45.000,0:05:47.000
You may not have the money; you may not have the Supreme Court;

0:05:48.000,0:05:50.000
but that is not the defining factor.

0:05:50.000,0:05:56.000
(Applause)

0:05:56.000,0:05:57.000
And you correct me if I'm wrong.

0:05:59.000,0:06:01.000
The defining factor is never resources; it's resourcefulness.

0:06:02.000,0:06:04.000
And what I mean specifically, rather than just some phrase,

0:06:04.000,0:06:09.000
is if you have emotion, human emotion, something that I experienced

0:06:09.000,0:06:12.000
from you a day before yesterday at a level that is as profound

0:06:13.000,0:06:15.000
as I've ever experienced, and if you'd communicated with that emotion

0:06:15.000,0:06:16.000
I believe you would have beat his ass and won.

0:06:17.000,0:06:22.000
(Applause)

0:06:22.000,0:06:26.000
But, how easy for me to tell him what he should do.

0:06:26.000,0:06:28.000
(Laughter)

0:06:28.000,0:06:35.000
Idiot, Robbins. But I know when we watched the debate at that time,

0:06:36.000,0:06:38.000
there were emotions that blocked people's ability

0:06:38.000,0:06:40.000
to get this man's intellect and capacity.

0:06:40.000,0:06:42.000
And the way that it came across to some people on that day --

0:06:42.000,0:06:45.000
because I know people that wanted to vote in your direction and didn't,

0:06:46.000,0:06:49.000
and I was upset. But there was emotion that was there.

0:06:49.000,0:06:50.000
How many know what I'm talking about here? Say, "Aye."

0:06:51.000,0:06:52.000
Audience: Aye.

0:06:52.000,0:06:54.000
TR: So, emotion is it. And if we get the right emotion,

0:06:55.000,0:06:57.000
we can get ourselves to do anything. We can get through it.

0:06:57.000,0:06:59.000
If you're creative enough, playful enough, fun enough,

0:06:59.000,0:07:00.000
can you get through to anybody? Yes or no?

0:07:01.000,0:07:02.000
Audience: Yes.

0:07:02.000,0:07:03.000
TR: If you don't have the money, but you're creative and determined enough,

0:07:03.000,0:07:06.000
you find the way. So this is the ultimate resource.

0:07:06.000,0:07:09.000
But this is not the story that people tell us, right?

0:07:09.000,0:07:11.000
The story people tell us is a bunch of different stories.

0:07:11.000,0:07:13.000
They tell us we don't have the resources, but ultimately,

0:07:13.000,0:07:15.000
if you take a look here -- flip it up, if you would --

0:07:16.000,0:07:17.000
they say, what are all the reasons they haven't accomplished that?

0:07:18.000,0:07:21.000
Next one, please. He's broken my pattern, that son-of-a-bitch.

0:07:21.000,0:07:25.000
(Laughter)

0:07:25.000,0:07:26.000
But I appreciated the energy, I'll tell you that.

0:07:26.000,0:07:28.000
(Laughter)

0:07:28.000,0:07:31.000
What determines your resources? We've said decisions shape destiny,

0:07:31.000,0:07:35.000
which is my focus here. If decisions shape destiny, what determines it

0:07:35.000,0:07:37.000
is three decisions. What are you going to focus on?

0:07:37.000,0:07:39.000
Right now, you have to decide what you're going to focus on.

0:07:39.000,0:07:41.000
In this second, consciously or unconsciously, the minute you decide

0:07:42.000,0:07:43.000
to focus on something you've got to give it a meaning,

0:07:44.000,0:07:46.000
and whatever that meaning is produces emotion.

0:07:46.000,0:07:49.000
Is this the end or the beginning? Is God punishing me

0:07:49.000,0:07:51.000
or rewarding me, or is this the roll of the dice?

0:07:52.000,0:07:55.000
An emotion, then, creates what we're going to do or the action.

0:07:55.000,0:07:56.000
So, think about your own life,

0:07:57.000,0:07:58.000
the decisions that have shaped your destiny.

0:07:59.000,0:08:01.000
And that sounds really heavy, but in the last five or 10 years,

0:08:02.000,0:08:03.000
15 years, how have there been some decisions you've made

0:08:03.000,0:08:05.000
that if you'd made a different decision,

0:08:05.000,0:08:08.000
your life would be completely different? How many can think about it?

0:08:08.000,0:08:09.000
Honestly, better or worse? Say, "Aye."

0:08:10.000,0:08:11.000
Audience: Aye.

0:08:11.000,0:08:13.000
TR: So the bottom line is, maybe it was where to go to work,

0:08:13.000,0:08:14.000
and you met the love of your life there.

0:08:15.000,0:08:17.000
Maybe it was a career decision. I know the Google geniuses I saw here --

0:08:18.000,0:08:19.000
I mean, I understand that their decision

0:08:20.000,0:08:22.000
was to sell their technology at first. What if they made that decision

0:08:23.000,0:08:25.000
versus to build their own culture? How would the world be different?

0:08:25.000,0:08:27.000
How would their lives be different? Their impact?

0:08:28.000,0:08:30.000
The history of our world is these decisions.

0:08:30.000,0:08:33.000
When a woman stands up and says, "No, I won't go to the back of the bus,"

0:08:34.000,0:08:37.000
she didn't just affect her life. That decision shaped our culture.

0:08:37.000,0:08:40.000
Or someone standing in front of a tank. Or being in a position

0:08:41.000,0:08:42.000
like Lance Armstrong, and someone says to you,

0:08:43.000,0:08:45.000
"You've got testicular cancer." That's pretty tough for any male,

0:08:46.000,0:08:47.000
especially if you ride a bike.

0:08:47.000,0:08:49.000
(Laughter)

0:08:49.000,0:08:51.000
You've got it in your brain; you've got it in your lungs.

0:08:51.000,0:08:53.000
But what was his decision of what to focus on?

0:08:54.000,0:08:55.000
Different than most people. What did it mean?

0:08:55.000,0:08:57.000
It wasn't the end; it was the beginning. What am I going to do?

0:08:57.000,0:09:00.000
He goes off and wins seven championships he never once won

0:09:00.000,0:09:02.000
before the cancer, because he got emotional fitness,

0:09:03.000,0:09:06.000
psychological strength. That's the difference in human beings

0:09:06.000,0:09:08.000
that I've seen of the three million that I've been around.

0:09:08.000,0:09:10.000
Because that's about my lab. I've had three million people

0:09:11.000,0:09:13.000
from 80 different countries that I've had a chance to interact with

0:09:13.000,0:09:17.000
over the last 29 years. And after a while, patterns become obvious.

0:09:17.000,0:09:19.000
You see that South America and Africa

0:09:19.000,0:09:22.000
may be connected in a certain way, right? Other people say,

0:09:22.000,0:09:25.000
"Oh, that sounds ridiculous." It's simple. So, what shaped Lance?

0:09:25.000,0:09:30.000
What shapes you? Two invisible forces. Very quickly. One: state.

0:09:31.000,0:09:32.000
We all have had time.

0:09:32.000,0:09:34.000
So if you had a time you did something, and after you did it

0:09:34.000,0:09:35.000
you thought to yourself, I can't believe I said that,

0:09:36.000,0:09:38.000
I can't believe I did that, that was so stupid -- who's been there?

0:09:38.000,0:09:39.000
Say, "Aye."

0:09:39.000,0:09:40.000
Audience: Aye.

0:09:40.000,0:09:42.000
TR: Have you ever done something, after you did it, you go, "That was me!"

0:09:42.000,0:09:44.000
(Laughter)

0:09:44.000,0:09:46.000
Right? It wasn't your ability; it was your state.

0:09:47.000,0:09:49.000
Your model of the world is what shapes you long term.

0:09:50.000,0:09:53.000
Your model of the world is the filter. That's what's shaping us.

0:09:53.000,0:09:54.000
That's what makes people make decisions.

0:09:55.000,0:09:56.000
When we want to influence somebody, we've got to know

0:09:56.000,0:09:57.000
what already influences them.

0:09:58.000,0:09:59.000
And it's made up of three parts, I believe.

0:10:00.000,0:10:02.000
First, what's your target? What are you after?

0:10:02.000,0:10:04.000
Which, I believe -- it's not your desires.

0:10:04.000,0:10:06.000
You can get your desires or goals. How many have ever got a goal

0:10:06.000,0:10:08.000
or desire and thought, is this all there is?

0:10:08.000,0:10:09.000
How many have been there? Say, "Aye."

0:10:09.000,0:10:10.000
Audience: Aye.

0:10:10.000,0:10:13.000
TR: So, it's needs we have. I believe there are six human needs.

0:10:13.000,0:10:16.000
Second, once you know what the target that's driving you is

0:10:16.000,0:10:19.000
and you uncover it for the truth -- you don't form it; you uncover it --

0:10:19.000,0:10:20.000
then you find out what's your map,

0:10:20.000,0:10:23.000
what's the belief systems that are telling you how to get those needs.

0:10:23.000,0:10:25.000
Some people think the way to get those needs is destroy the world,

0:10:25.000,0:10:28.000
some people is to build something, create something, love someone.

0:10:29.000,0:10:32.000
And then there's the fuel you pick. So very quickly, six needs.

0:10:32.000,0:10:34.000
Let me tell you what they are. First one: certainty.

0:10:34.000,0:10:36.000
Now, these are not goals or desires, these are universal.

0:10:37.000,0:10:38.000
Everyone needs certainty that they can avoid pain

0:10:38.000,0:10:40.000
and at least be comfortable. Now, how do you get it?

0:10:40.000,0:10:44.000
Control everybody? Develop a skill? Give up? Smoke a cigarette?

0:10:45.000,0:10:47.000
And if you got totally certain, ironically,

0:10:47.000,0:10:48.000
even though we all need that --

0:10:48.000,0:10:50.000
like if you're not certain about your health, or your children,

0:10:50.000,0:10:52.000
or money, you don't think about much.

0:10:52.000,0:10:53.000
You're not sure if the ceiling's going to hold up,

0:10:53.000,0:10:54.000
you're not going to listen to any speaker.

0:10:55.000,0:10:58.000
But, while we go for certainty differently, if we get total certainty,

0:10:59.000,0:11:00.000
we get what? What do you feel if you're certain?

0:11:00.000,0:11:01.000
You know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen,

0:11:01.000,0:11:02.000
how it's going to happen -- what would you feel?

0:11:03.000,0:11:06.000
Bored out of your minds. So, God, in Her infinite wisdom,

0:11:06.000,0:11:07.000
(Laughter)

0:11:07.000,0:11:10.000
gave us a second human need, which is uncertainty.

0:11:10.000,0:11:12.000
We need variety. We need surprise.

0:11:13.000,0:11:14.000
How many of you here love surprises? Say, "Aye."

0:11:15.000,0:11:16.000
Audience: Aye.

0:11:16.000,0:11:17.000
TR: Bullshit. You like the surprises you want.

0:11:17.000,0:11:19.000
(Laughter)

0:11:19.000,0:11:22.000
The ones you don't want you call problems, but you need them.

0:11:22.000,0:11:25.000
So, variety is important. Have you ever rented a video or a film

0:11:25.000,0:11:29.000
that you've already seen? Who's done this? Get a fucking life.

0:11:29.000,0:11:31.000
(Laughter)

0:11:31.000,0:11:33.000
All right. Why are you doing it? You're certain it's good

0:11:33.000,0:11:35.000
because you read it before, saw it before, but you're hoping

0:11:35.000,0:11:37.000
it's been long enough you've forgotten, that there's variety.

0:11:38.000,0:11:41.000
Third human need, critical: significance. We all need to feel

0:11:41.000,0:11:44.000
important, special, unique. You can get it by making more money.

0:11:44.000,0:11:46.000
You can do it by being more spiritual.

0:11:46.000,0:11:48.000
You can do it by getting yourself in a situation where you put

0:11:48.000,0:11:51.000
more tattoos and earrings in places humans don't want to know.

0:11:52.000,0:11:55.000
Whatever it takes. The fastest way to do this,

0:11:55.000,0:11:57.000
if you have no background, no culture, no belief and resources

0:11:57.000,0:12:00.000
or resourcefulness, is violence. If I put a gun to your head

0:12:00.000,0:12:02.000
and I live in the 'hood, instantly I'm significant.

0:12:02.000,0:12:05.000
Zero to 10. How high? 10. How certain am I that

0:12:05.000,0:12:08.000
you're going to respond to me? 10. How much uncertainty?

0:12:09.000,0:12:10.000
Who knows what's going to happen next? Kind of exciting.

0:12:10.000,0:12:13.000
Like climbing up into a cave and doing that stuff

0:12:13.000,0:12:15.000
all the way down there. Total variety and uncertainty.

0:12:15.000,0:12:18.000
And it's significant, isn't it? So you want to risk your life for it.

0:12:19.000,0:12:21.000
So that's why violence has always been around and will be around

0:12:21.000,0:12:23.000
unless we have a consciousness change as a species.

0:12:24.000,0:12:25.000
Now, you can get significance a million ways,

0:12:25.000,0:12:27.000
but to be significant, you've got to be unique and different.

0:12:27.000,0:12:30.000
Here's what we really need: connection and love -- fourth need.

0:12:31.000,0:12:33.000
We all want it. Most people settle for connection

0:12:33.000,0:12:35.000
because love's too scary. Don't want to get hurt.

0:12:35.000,0:12:38.000
Who here has ever been hurt in an intimate relationship? Say, "Aye."

0:12:38.000,0:12:39.000
(Laughter)

0:12:39.000,0:12:41.000
If you don't raise your hand, you'll have had other shit too, come on.

0:12:41.000,0:12:42.000
(Laughter)

0:12:42.000,0:12:43.000
And you're going to get hurt again.

0:12:43.000,0:12:45.000
Aren't you glad you came to this positive visit?

0:12:45.000,0:12:46.000
(Laughter)

0:12:46.000,0:12:49.000
But here's what's true -- we need it. We can do it through intimacy,

0:12:49.000,0:12:52.000
through friendship, through prayer, through walking in nature.

0:12:53.000,0:12:55.000
If nothing else works for you, get a dog. Don't get a cat. Get a dog,

0:12:55.000,0:12:57.000
because if you leave for two minutes, it's like you've been gone

0:12:57.000,0:12:59.000
for six months when you show back up again five minutes later, right?

0:12:59.000,0:13:00.000
(Laughter)

0:13:00.000,0:13:02.000
Now, these first four needs, every human finds a way to meet.

0:13:03.000,0:13:05.000
Even if you lie to yourself, you need to have split personalities.

0:13:06.000,0:13:09.000
But the last two needs -- the first four needs are called

0:13:09.000,0:13:11.000
the needs of the personalities, is what I call it --

0:13:11.000,0:13:13.000
the last two are the needs of the spirit.

0:13:14.000,0:13:16.000
And this is where fulfillment comes. You won't get fulfillment

0:13:16.000,0:13:19.000
from the first four. You'll figure a way -- smoke, drink, do whatever --

0:13:19.000,0:13:20.000
to meet the first four, but the last two -- number five:

0:13:21.000,0:13:23.000
you must grow. We all know the answer here.

0:13:23.000,0:13:26.000
If you don't grow, you're what? If a relationship's not growing,

0:13:26.000,0:13:28.000
if a business is not growing, if you're not growing,

0:13:28.000,0:13:29.000
it doesn't matter how much money you have,

0:13:29.000,0:13:31.000
how many friends you have, how many people love you,

0:13:31.000,0:13:34.000
you feel like hell. And the reason we grow, I believe,

0:13:34.000,0:13:36.000
is so we have something to give of value.

0:13:37.000,0:13:39.000
Because the sixth need is to contribute beyond ourselves.

0:13:40.000,0:13:41.000
Because we all know, corny as it sounds,

0:13:42.000,0:13:45.000
the secret to living is giving. We all know life's not about me;

0:13:45.000,0:13:47.000
it's about we. This culture knows that. This room knows that.

0:13:47.000,0:13:50.000
And it's exciting. When you see Nicholas up here talking about

0:13:50.000,0:13:52.000
his $100 computer, the most passionate exciting thing is:

0:13:52.000,0:13:55.000
here's a genius, but he's got a calling now.

0:13:56.000,0:13:58.000
You can feel the difference in him and it's beautiful.

0:13:59.000,0:14:01.000
And that calling can touch other people. In my own life,

0:14:01.000,0:14:03.000
my life was touched because when I was 11 years old,

0:14:03.000,0:14:06.000
Thanksgiving, no money, no food -- we're not going to starve,

0:14:06.000,0:14:09.000
but my father was totally messed up. My mom was letting him know

0:14:09.000,0:14:12.000
how bad he messed up. And somebody came to the door

0:14:12.000,0:14:14.000
and delivered food. My father made three decisions.

0:14:15.000,0:14:17.000
I know what they were briefly. His focus was: "This is charity.

0:14:18.000,0:14:20.000
What does it mean? I'm worthless. What've I got to do?

0:14:21.000,0:14:23.000
Leave my family." Which he did. The time was one of the most painful

0:14:24.000,0:14:27.000
experiences of life. My three decisions gave me a different path.

0:14:28.000,0:14:31.000
I said, "Focus on: 'there's food'" -- what a concept, you know.

0:14:31.000,0:14:32.000
(Laughter)

0:14:32.000,0:14:33.000
Second -- but this is what changed my life,

0:14:33.000,0:14:36.000
this is what shaped me as a human being -- "Somebody's gift.

0:14:36.000,0:14:39.000
I don't even know who it is." My father always said,

0:14:39.000,0:14:42.000
"No one gives a shit." And all of a sudden, somebody I don't know,

0:14:42.000,0:14:44.000
they're not asking for anything, they're just giving our family food,

0:14:44.000,0:14:47.000
looking out for us. It made me believe this: "What does it mean

0:14:47.000,0:14:50.000
that strangers care?" And what that made me decide is,

0:14:51.000,0:14:52.000
if strangers care about me and my family, I care about them.

0:14:53.000,0:14:54.000
What am I going to do? I'm going to do something

0:14:54.000,0:14:57.000
to make a difference. So, when I was 17, I went out one day

0:14:57.000,0:14:59.000
on Thanksgiving. It was my target for years to

0:14:59.000,0:15:00.000
have enough money to feed two families.

0:15:00.000,0:15:02.000
The most fun thing I ever did in my life, the most moving.

0:15:03.000,0:15:05.000
Then next year I did four. I didn't tell anybody what I was doing.

0:15:05.000,0:15:07.000
Next year eight. I wasn't doing it for brownie points,

0:15:08.000,0:15:09.000
but after eight, I thought, shit, I could use some help.

0:15:09.000,0:15:11.000
(Laughter)

0:15:11.000,0:15:13.000
So sure enough, I went out and what did I do?

0:15:13.000,0:15:15.000
I got my friends involved and I grew companies

0:15:15.000,0:15:17.000
and then I got 11 companies and I built the foundation.

0:15:17.000,0:15:19.000
Now, 18 years later, I'm proud to tell you, last year

0:15:19.000,0:15:22.000
we fed two million people in 35 countries through our foundation,

0:15:23.000,0:15:24.000
all during the holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas --

0:15:24.000,0:15:25.000
(Applause)

0:15:25.000,0:15:26.000
-- in all the different countries around the world.

0:15:26.000,0:15:27.000
It's been fantastic.

0:15:27.000,0:15:28.000
(Applause)

0:15:28.000,0:15:29.000
Thank you.

0:15:29.000,0:15:30.000
(Applause)

0:15:30.000,0:15:32.000
So, I don't tell you that to brag; I tell you because I'm proud

0:15:32.000,0:15:35.000
of human beings, because they get excited to contribute

0:15:35.000,0:15:38.000
once they've had the chance to experience it, not talk about it.

0:15:39.000,0:15:43.000
So, finally -- and I'm about out of time -- the target that shapes you --

0:15:44.000,0:15:45.000
here's what's different about people. We have the same needs,

0:15:46.000,0:15:48.000
but are you a certainty freak? Is that what you value most,

0:15:48.000,0:15:52.000
or uncertainty? This man here couldn't be a certainty freak

0:15:52.000,0:15:55.000
if he climbed through those caves. Are you driven by significance

0:15:55.000,0:15:57.000
or love? We all need all six, but whatever

0:15:57.000,0:15:59.000
your lead system is, tilts you in a different direction.

0:15:59.000,0:16:01.000
And as you move in a direction, you have a destination or destiny.

0:16:02.000,0:16:05.000
The second piece is the map. Think of that as the operating system

0:16:05.000,0:16:07.000
that tells you how to get there. And some people's map is:

0:16:08.000,0:16:10.000
"I'm going to save lives even if I die for other people,"

0:16:10.000,0:16:11.000
and they're firemen. Somebody else is:

0:16:12.000,0:16:14.000
"I'm going to kill people to do it." They're trying to meet

0:16:14.000,0:16:18.000
the same needs of significance, right? They want to honor God

0:16:18.000,0:16:20.000
or honor their family, but they have a different map.

0:16:20.000,0:16:22.000
And there are seven different beliefs. I can't go through them

0:16:22.000,0:16:25.000
because I'm done. The last piece is emotion.

0:16:25.000,0:16:28.000
I'd say one of the parts of the map is like time. Some people's idea

0:16:28.000,0:16:31.000
of a long time is 100 years. Somebody else's is three seconds,

0:16:31.000,0:16:32.000
which is what I have.

0:16:32.000,0:16:33.000
(Laughter)

0:16:33.000,0:16:35.000
And the last one I've already mentioned, that fell to you.

0:16:35.000,0:16:37.000
If you've got a target and you've got a map and let's say --

0:16:38.000,0:16:41.000
I can't use Google because I love Macs and they haven't made it

0:16:41.000,0:16:43.000
good for Macs yet -- so if you use MapQuest -- how many have made

0:16:43.000,0:16:45.000
this fatal mistake of using MapQuest at some time?

0:16:45.000,0:16:46.000
(Laughter)

0:16:46.000,0:16:48.000
You use this thing and you don't get there. Well, imagine

0:16:48.000,0:16:51.000
if your beliefs guarantee you can never get to where you want to go?

0:16:51.000,0:16:52.000
(Laughter)

0:16:52.000,0:16:54.000
The last thing is emotion.

0:16:54.000,0:16:58.000
Now, here's what I'll tell you about emotion. There are 6,000 emotions

0:16:58.000,0:17:00.000
that we all have words for in the English language,

0:17:00.000,0:17:02.000
which is just a linguistic representation, right,

0:17:02.000,0:17:06.000
that changes by language. But if your dominant emotions --

0:17:06.000,0:17:09.000
if I had more time, I have 20,000 people or 1,000,

0:17:09.000,0:17:11.000
and I have them write down all the emotions that they experience

0:17:11.000,0:17:13.000
in an average week, and I gave them as long as they needed,

0:17:14.000,0:17:15.000
and on one side they write empowering emotions,

0:17:15.000,0:17:16.000
the other's disempowering --

0:17:16.000,0:17:18.000
guess how many emotions people experience? Less than 12.

0:17:19.000,0:17:22.000
And half of those make them feel like shit. So they got five or six

0:17:22.000,0:17:25.000
good frickin' feelings, right? It's like they feel "happy, happy,

0:17:25.000,0:17:28.000
excited, oh shit, frustrated, frustrated, overwhelmed, depressed."

0:17:29.000,0:17:31.000
How many of you know somebody who no matter what happens

0:17:31.000,0:17:33.000
finds a way to get pissed off? How many know somebody like this?

0:17:33.000,0:17:34.000
(Laughter)

0:17:34.000,0:17:38.000
Or, no matter what happens, they find a way to be happy or excited.

0:17:38.000,0:17:40.000
How may know somebody like this? Come on.

0:17:40.000,0:17:43.000
When 9/11 happened -- I'll finish with this -- I was in Hawaii.

0:17:44.000,0:17:47.000
I was with 2,000 people from 45 countries. We were translating

0:17:47.000,0:17:49.000
four languages simultaneously for a program

0:17:49.000,0:17:52.000
that I was conducting for a week. The night before was called

0:17:52.000,0:17:55.000
"Emotional Mastering." I got up, had no plan for the this, and I said --

0:17:56.000,0:17:58.000
we had all these fireworks -- I do crazy shit, fun stuff --

0:17:59.000,0:18:01.000
and then at the end I stopped -- I had this plan I was going to say

0:18:01.000,0:18:03.000
but I never do what I'm going to say. And all of a sudden I said,

0:18:03.000,0:18:07.000
"When do people really start to live? When they face death."

0:18:07.000,0:18:08.000
And then I went through this whole thing about,

0:18:09.000,0:18:11.000
if you weren't going to get off this island, if nine days from now

0:18:11.000,0:18:14.000
you were going to die, who would you call, what would you say,

0:18:14.000,0:18:18.000
what would you do? One woman -- well, that night is when 9/11 happened --

0:18:19.000,0:18:21.000
one woman had come to the seminar and when she came there,

0:18:21.000,0:18:24.000
her previous boyfriend had been kidnapped and murdered.

0:18:25.000,0:18:28.000
Her friend, her new boyfriend, wanted to marry her, and she said no.

0:18:28.000,0:18:30.000
He said, "If you leave and go to that Hawaii thing, it's over with us."

0:18:30.000,0:18:32.000
She said, "It's over." When I finished that night, she called him

0:18:32.000,0:18:35.000
and left a message -- true story -- at the top of the World Trade Center

0:18:35.000,0:18:38.000
where he worked, saying, "Honey, I love you, I just want you to know

0:18:39.000,0:18:42.000
I want to marry you. It was stupid of me." She was asleep,

0:18:42.000,0:18:45.000
because it was 3 a.m. for us, when he called her back

0:18:45.000,0:18:47.000
from the top and said, "Honey, I can't tell you what this means."

0:18:48.000,0:18:50.000
He said, "I don't know how to tell you this,

0:18:50.000,0:18:52.000
but you gave me the greatest gift because I'm going to die."

0:18:53.000,0:18:55.000
And she played the recording for us in the room.

0:18:55.000,0:18:58.000
She was on Larry King later, and he said, "You're probably wondering

0:18:58.000,0:19:00.000
how on Earth this could happen to you twice." And he said,

0:19:00.000,0:19:03.000
"All I can say to you is, this must be God's message to you,

0:19:03.000,0:19:06.000
honey. From now on, every day give your all, love your all.

0:19:06.000,0:19:10.000
Don't let anything ever stop you." She finishes, and a man stands up

0:19:10.000,0:19:12.000
and he says, "I'm from Pakistan; I'm a Muslim.

0:19:13.000,0:19:15.000
I'd love to hold your hand and say

0:19:15.000,0:19:19.000
I'm sorry, but, frankly, this is retribution." I can't tell you the rest

0:19:19.000,0:19:22.000
because I'm out of time.

0:19:22.000,0:19:28.000
(Laughter)

0:19:32.000,0:19:34.000
10 seconds.

0:19:34.000,0:19:37.000
(Applause)

0:19:37.000,0:19:39.000
10 seconds, that's all. I want to be respectful. 10 seconds.

0:19:39.000,0:19:41.000
All I can tell you is, I brought this man on stage

0:19:41.000,0:19:44.000
with a man from New York who worked in the World Trade Center,

0:19:44.000,0:19:46.000
because I had about 200 New Yorkers there. More than 50

0:19:46.000,0:19:49.000
lost their entire companies, their friends, marking off their

0:19:49.000,0:19:52.000
Palm Pilots -- one financial trader, this woman made of steel, bawling --

0:19:53.000,0:19:54.000
30 friends crossing off that all died.

0:19:55.000,0:19:58.000
And what I did to people is said, "What are we going to focus on?

0:19:59.000,0:20:01.000
What does this mean and what are we going to do?"

0:20:02.000,0:20:04.000
And I took the group and got people to focus on:

0:20:04.000,0:20:06.000
if you didn't lose somebody today, your focus is going to be

0:20:06.000,0:20:08.000
how to serve somebody else. There are people --

0:20:08.000,0:20:10.000
then one woman got up and she was so angry and screaming and yelling.

0:20:11.000,0:20:12.000
Then I found out she wasn't from New York; she's not an American;

0:20:13.000,0:20:15.000
she doesn't know anybody here. I said, "Do you always get angry?"

0:20:16.000,0:20:18.000
She said, "Yes." Guilty people got guilty, sad people got sad.

0:20:19.000,0:20:22.000
And I took these two men and did what I call an indirect negotiation.

0:20:22.000,0:20:25.000
Jewish man with family in the occupied territory, someone in New York

0:20:25.000,0:20:28.000
who would have died if he was at work that day, and this man

0:20:28.000,0:20:29.000
who wanted to be a terrorist and made it very clear.

0:20:30.000,0:20:31.000
And the integration that happened is on a film,

0:20:32.000,0:20:34.000
which I'll be happy to send you, so you can really see

0:20:34.000,0:20:35.000
what actually happened instead of my verbalization of it,

0:20:36.000,0:20:37.000
but the two of them not only came together and

0:20:38.000,0:20:39.000
changed their beliefs and morals of the world,

0:20:39.000,0:20:41.000
but they worked together to bring, for almost four years now,

0:20:42.000,0:20:44.000
through various mosques and synagogues, the idea

0:20:44.000,0:20:46.000
of how to create peace. And he wrote a book, which is called

0:20:46.000,0:20:50.000
"My Jihad, My Way of Peace." So, transformation can happen.

0:20:50.000,0:20:55.000
So my invitation to you is this: explore your web, the web in here --

0:20:56.000,0:21:00.000
the needs, the beliefs, the emotions that are controlling you,

0:21:00.000,0:21:03.000
for two reasons: so there's more of you to give -- and achieve too,

0:21:03.000,0:21:05.000
we all want to do it -- but I mean give,

0:21:05.000,0:21:07.000
because that's what's going to fill you up. And secondly,

0:21:07.000,0:21:10.000
so you can appreciate -- not just understand, that's intellectual,

0:21:10.000,0:21:13.000
that's the mind -- but appreciate what's driving other people.

0:21:13.000,0:21:15.000
It's the only way our world's going to change. God bless you.

0:21:15.000,0:21:17.000
Thank you. I hope this was of service.

0:21:17.000,0:21:20.000
(Applause)