1
00:00:00,025 --> 00:00:04,976
Okay, now I don't want
to alarm anybody in this room,

2
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,976
but it's just come to my attention
that the person to your right is a liar.

3
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,976
(Laughter)

4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,976
Also, the person to your left is a liar.

5
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,976
Also the person sitting
in your very seats is a liar.

6
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,976
We're all liars.

7
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,976
What I'm going to do today

8
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,576
is I'm going to show you what the research
says about why we're all liars,

9
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,176
how you can become a liespotter

10
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,976
and why you might want
to go the extra mile

11
00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,976
and go from liespotting to truth seeking,

12
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,976
and ultimately to trust building.

13
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,976
Now, speaking of trust,

14
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,976
ever since I wrote
this book, "Liespotting,"

15
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no one wants to meet me in person
anymore, no, no, no, no, no.

16
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,976
They say, "It's okay, we'll email you."

17
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,976
(Laughter)

18
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:51,976
I can't even get
a coffee date at Starbucks.

19
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,976
My husband's like, "Honey, deception?

20
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:57,191
Maybe you could have focused on cooking.
How about French cooking?"

21
00:00:57,215 --> 00:00:59,358
So before I get started,
what I'm going to do

22
00:00:59,382 --> 00:01:01,976
is I'm going to clarify my goal for you,

23
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,976
which is not to teach a game of Gotcha.

24
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,976
Liespotters aren't those nitpicky kids,

25
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,334
those kids in the back of the room
that are shouting, "Gotcha! Gotcha!

26
00:01:09,358 --> 00:01:11,976
Your eyebrow twitched.
You flared your nostril.

27
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,976
I watch that TV show 'Lie To Me.'
I know you're lying."

28
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,976
No, liespotters are armed

29
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,976
with scientific knowledge
of how to spot deception.

30
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,976
They use it to get to the truth,

31
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and they do what mature
leaders do everyday;

32
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,976
they have difficult conversations
with difficult people,

33
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,976
sometimes during very difficult times.

34
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And they start up that path
by accepting a core proposition,

35
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and that proposition is the following:

36
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,468
Lying is a cooperative act.

37
00:01:38,777 --> 00:01:41,976
Think about it, a lie has no power
whatsoever by its mere utterance.

38
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Its power emerges

39
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,096
when someone else agrees
to believe the lie.

40
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,096
So I know it may sound like tough love,

41
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,976
but look, if at some point
you got lied to,

42
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,976
it's because you agreed to get lied to.

43
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,976
Truth number one about lying:
Lying's a cooperative act.

44
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,976
Now not all lies are harmful.

45
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,976
Sometimes we're willing
participants in deception

46
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,976
for the sake of social dignity,

47
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,976
maybe to keep a secret that should
be kept secret, secret.

48
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,976
We say, "Nice song."

49
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,976
"Honey, you don't look fat in that, no."

50
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,976
Or we say, favorite of the digiratti,

51
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,976
"You know, I just fished
that email out of my Spam folder.

52
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,976
So sorry."

53
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:24,239
But there are times when we are unwilling
participants in deception.

54
00:02:24,263 --> 00:02:26,976
And that can have dramatic costs for us.

55
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,976
Last year saw 997 billion dollars

56
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:33,579
in corporate fraud alone
in the United States.

57
00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:36,348
That's an eyelash
under a trillion dollars.

58
00:02:36,372 --> 00:02:37,976
That's seven percent of revenues.

59
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,976
Deception can cost billions.

60
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,976
Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis.

61
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,976
Or in the case
of double agents and traitors,

62
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,976
like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames,

63
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,976
lies can betray our country,

64
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,000
they can compromise our security,
they can undermine democracy,

65
00:02:53,024 --> 00:02:55,976
they can cause the deaths
of those that defend us.

66
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,976
Deception is actually serious business.

67
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,976
This con man, Henry Oberlander,
he was such an effective con man,

68
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,976
British authorities say

69
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,476
he could have undermined the entire
banking system of the Western world.

70
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:11,676
And you can't find this guy on Google;
you can't find him anywhere.

71
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:14,176
He was interviewed once,
and he said the following.

72
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,876
He said, "Look, I've got one rule."

73
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,976
And this was Henry's rule, he said,

74
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,376
"Look, everyone is willing
to give you something.

75
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,972
They're ready to give you something
for whatever it is they're hungry for."

76
00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,376
And that's the crux of it.

77
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,829
If you don't want to be
deceived, you have to know,

78
00:03:27,853 --> 00:03:29,529
what is it that you're hungry for?

79
00:03:29,553 --> 00:03:31,976
And we all kind of hate to admit it.

80
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,976
We wish we were
better husbands, better wives,

81
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:38,976
smarter, more powerful, taller, richer --

82
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,976
the list goes on.

83
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,976
Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap,

84
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,976
to connect our wishes and our fantasies

85
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,976
about who we wish we were,
how we wish we could be,

86
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,976
with what we're really like.

87
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,239
And boy are we willing to fill in
those gaps in our lives with lies.

88
00:03:54,263 --> 00:03:56,976
On a given day, studies show
that you may be lied to

89
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,976
anywhere from 10 to 200 times.

90
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,976
Now granted, many of those are white lies.

91
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,976
But in another study,

92
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:05,976
it showed that strangers lied three times

93
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,381
within the first 10 minutes
of meeting each other.

94
00:04:08,405 --> 00:04:09,976
(Laughter)

95
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,976
Now when we first hear
this data, we recoil.

96
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,976
We can't believe how prevalent lying is.

97
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,976
We're essentially against lying.

98
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,976
But if you look more closely,
the plot actually thickens.

99
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,976
We lie more to strangers
than we lie to coworkers.

100
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,976
Extroverts lie more than introverts.

101
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:32,976
Men lie eight times more about themselves
than they do other people.

102
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,976
Women lie more to protect other people.

103
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,976
If you're an average married couple,

104
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,976
you're going to lie to your spouse
in one out of every 10 interactions.

105
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,976
Now, you may think that's bad.

106
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,286
If you're unmarried,
that number drops to three.

107
00:04:47,310 --> 00:04:48,976
Lying's complex.

108
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It's woven into the fabric
of our daily and our business lives.

109
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We're deeply ambivalent about the truth.

110
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We parse it out on an as-needed basis,

111
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,976
sometimes for very good reasons,

112
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,191
other times just because
we don't understand the gaps in our lives.

113
00:05:01,215 --> 00:05:02,976
That's truth number two about lying.

114
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,976
We're against lying,

115
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,976
but we're covertly for it

116
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,000
in ways that our society has sanctioned
for centuries and centuries and centuries.

117
00:05:11,024 --> 00:05:12,976
It's as old as breathing.

118
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It's part of our culture,
it's part of our history.

119
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Think Dante, Shakespeare,
the Bible, News of the World.

120
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,976
(Laughter)

121
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,286
Lying has evolutionary value
to us as a species.

122
00:05:25,310 --> 00:05:28,976
Researchers have long known
that the more intelligent the species,

123
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the larger the neocortex,

124
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the more likely it is to be deceptive.

125
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,976
Now you might remember Koko.

126
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,239
Does anybody remember Koko the gorilla
who was taught sign language?

127
00:05:38,263 --> 00:05:40,976
Koko was taught to communicate
via sign language.

128
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,976
Here's Koko with her kitten.

129
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,976
It's her cute little, fluffy pet kitten.

130
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,976
Koko once blamed her pet kitten
for ripping a sink out of the wall.

131
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,976
(Laughter)

132
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,191
We're hardwired to become
leaders of the pack.

133
00:05:54,215 --> 00:05:55,976
It's starts really, really early.

134
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,976
How early?

135
00:05:58,000 --> 00:05:59,976
Well babies will fake a cry,

136
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,976
pause, wait to see who's coming

137
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,976
and then go right back to crying.

138
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,976
One-year-olds learn concealment.

139
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,976
(Laughter)

140
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,976
Two-year-olds bluff.

141
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,976
Five-year-olds lie outright.

142
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,976
They manipulate via flattery.

143
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,976
Nine-year-olds, masters of the cover-up.

144
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,976
By the time you enter college,

145
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,376
you're going to lie to your mom
in one out of every five interactions.

146
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,276
By the time we enter this work world
and we're breadwinners,

147
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:28,976
we enter a world that is just cluttered
with Spam, fake digital friends,

148
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,976
partisan media,

149
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,976
ingenious identity thieves,

150
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,976
world-class Ponzi schemers,

151
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,976
a deception epidemic --

152
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,977
in short, what one author calls
a post-truth society.

153
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:45,966
It's been very confusing
for a long time now.

154
00:06:48,665 --> 00:06:49,976
What do you do?

155
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:53,976
Well, there are steps we can take
to navigate our way through the morass.

156
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,976
Trained liespotters get to the truth
90 percent of the time.

157
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,976
The rest of us,
we're only 54 percent accurate.

158
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,976
Why is it so easy to learn?

159
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,215
There are good liars and bad liars.

160
00:07:04,239 --> 00:07:05,876
There are no real original liars.

161
00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:08,876
We all make the same mistakes.
We all use the same techniques.

162
00:07:08,900 --> 00:07:12,529
So what I'm going to do is I'm going
to show you two patterns of deception.

163
00:07:12,553 --> 00:07:14,752
And then we're going
to look at the hot spots

164
00:07:14,776 --> 00:07:16,629
and see if we can find them ourselves.

165
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:18,276
We're going to start with speech.

166
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:20,634
(Video) Bill Clinton:
I want you to listen to me.

167
00:07:20,658 --> 00:07:22,076
I'm going to say this again.

168
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:28,976
I did not have sexual relations
with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.

169
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:32,976
I never told anybody to lie,
not a single time, never.

170
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,976
And these allegations are false.

171
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,572
And I need to go back to work
for the American people.

172
00:07:38,596 --> 00:07:40,572
Thank you.

173
00:07:40,596 --> 00:07:42,108
(Applause)

174
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,976
Pamela Meyer: Okay,
what were the telltale signs?

175
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,976
Well first we heard what's known
as a non-contracted denial.

176
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:53,000
Studies show that people
who are overdetermined in their denial

177
00:07:53,024 --> 00:07:55,976
will resort to formal rather
than informal language.

178
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,976
We also heard
distancing language: "that woman."

179
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,715
We know that liars will unconsciously
distance themselves

180
00:08:01,739 --> 00:08:02,976
from their subject,

181
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,976
using language as their tool.

182
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:09,048
Now if Bill Clinton had said,
"Well, to tell you the truth..."

183
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,263
or Richard Nixon's favorite,
"In all candor..."

184
00:08:11,287 --> 00:08:12,976
he would have been a dead giveaway

185
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,976
for any liespotter than knows

186
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,429
that qualifying language, as it's called,
qualifying language like that,

187
00:08:18,453 --> 00:08:19,976
further discredits the subject.

188
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,976
Now if he had repeated
the question in its entirety,

189
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:26,976
or if he had peppered his account
with a little too much detail --

190
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,191
and we're all really glad
he didn't do that --

191
00:08:29,215 --> 00:08:31,215
he would have further discredited himself.

192
00:08:31,239 --> 00:08:32,976
Freud had it right.

193
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,976
Freud said, look,
there's much more to it than speech:

194
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,976
"No mortal can keep a secret.

195
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,976
If his lips are silent,
he chatters with his fingertips."

196
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,976
And we all do it no matter
how powerful you are.

197
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,976
We all chatter with our fingertips.

198
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,976
I'm going to show you
Dominique Strauss-Kahn with Obama

199
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,976
who's chattering with his fingertips.

200
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,976
(Laughter)

201
00:08:56,000 --> 00:09:01,976
Now this brings us to our next pattern,
which is body language.

202
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,976
With body language,
here's what you've got to do.

203
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,976
You've really got to just throw
your assumptions out the door.

204
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,429
Let the science temper
your knowledge a little bit.

205
00:09:10,453 --> 00:09:12,976
Because we think liars
fidget all the time.

206
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,762
Well guess what, they're known to freeze
their upper bodies when they're lying.

207
00:09:16,786 --> 00:09:18,976
We think liars won't look you in the eyes.

208
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,876
Well guess what, they look
you in the eyes a little too much

209
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:23,476
just to compensate for that myth.

210
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,976
We think warmth and smiles
convey honesty, sincerity.

211
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,976
But a trained liespotter
can spot a fake smile a mile away.

212
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:34,000
Can you all spot the fake smile here?

213
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:39,976
You can consciously contract
the muscles in your cheeks.

214
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,976
But the real smile's in the eyes,
the crow's feet of the eyes.

215
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,976
They cannot be consciously contracted,

216
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,976
especially if you overdid the Botox.

217
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,976
Don't overdo the Botox;
nobody will think you're honest.

218
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,976
Now we're going to look at the hot spots.

219
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,286
Can you tell what's happening
in a conversation?

220
00:09:54,310 --> 00:09:56,976
Can you start to find the hot spots

221
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,976
to see the discrepancies

222
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,191
between someone's words
and someone's actions?

223
00:10:01,215 --> 00:10:02,976
Now, I know it seems really obvious,

224
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:07,976
but when you're having a conversation
with someone you suspect of deception,

225
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,076
attitude is by far the most overlooked
but telling of indicators.

226
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:13,296
An honest person
is going to be cooperative.

227
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,368
They're going to show
they're on your side.

228
00:10:15,392 --> 00:10:16,976
They're going to be enthusiastic.

229
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,276
They're going to be willing and helpful
to getting you to the truth.

230
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:23,076
They're going to be willing
to brainstorm, name suspects,

231
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,376
provide details.

232
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:25,976
They're going to say,

233
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:29,176
"Hey, maybe it was those guys in payroll
that forged those checks."

234
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,476
They're going to be infuriated
if they sense they're wrongly accused

235
00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:35,676
throughout the entire course
of the interview, not just in flashes;

236
00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:38,939
they'll be infuriated throughout
the entire course of the interview.

237
00:10:38,963 --> 00:10:40,376
And if you ask someone honest

238
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:42,976
what should happen
to whomever did forge those checks,

239
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,776
an honest person is much more likely

240
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,976
to recommend strict rather
than lenient punishment.

241
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,667
Now let's say you're having
that exact same conversation

242
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with someone deceptive.

243
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,976
That person may be withdrawn,

244
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,976
look down, lower their voice,

245
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,976
pause, be kind of herky-jerky.

246
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,048
Ask a deceptive person
to tell their story,

247
00:11:00,072 --> 00:11:02,976
they're going to pepper it
with way too much detail

248
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,976
in all kinds of irrelevant places.

249
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,476
And then they're going to tell their story
in strict chronological order.

250
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,276
And what a trained interrogator does

251
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is they come in and in very subtle ways
over the course of several hours,

252
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,976
they will ask that person
to tell that story backwards,

253
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,976
and then they'll watch them squirm,

254
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,429
and track which questions produce
the highest volume of deceptive tells.

255
00:11:23,453 --> 00:11:25,976
Why do they do that?
Well, we all do the same thing.

256
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,976
We rehearse our words,

257
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,976
but we rarely rehearse our gestures.

258
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,976
We say "yes," we shake our heads "no."

259
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,096
We tell very convincing stories,
we slightly shrug our shoulders.

260
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:36,976
We commit terrible crimes,

261
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,976
and we smile at the delight
in getting away with it.

262
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,976
Now, that smile is known
in the trade as "duping delight."

263
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,976
And we're going to see that
in several videos moving forward,

264
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,076
but we're going to start --
for those of you who don't know him,

265
00:11:49,100 --> 00:11:51,176
this is presidential
candidate John Edwards

266
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,976
who shocked America by fathering
a child out of wedlock.

267
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,976
We're going to see him talk
about getting a paternity test.

268
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,000
See now if you can spot him
saying, "yes" while shaking his head "no,"

269
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:02,976
slightly shrugging his shoulders.

270
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,676
(Video) John Edwards: I'd be happy
to participate in one.

271
00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:08,576
I know that it's not possible
that this child could be mine,

272
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:10,176
because of the timing of events.

273
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,976
So I know it's not possible.

274
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,976
Happy to take a paternity test,
and would love to see it happen.

275
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,048
Interviewer: Are you going to do
that soon? Is there somebody --

276
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,976
JE: Well, I'm only one side.
I'm only one side of the test.

277
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,604
But I'm happy to participate in one.

278
00:12:25,795 --> 00:12:28,229
PM: Okay, those head shakes
are much easier to spot

279
00:12:28,253 --> 00:12:29,776
once you know to look for them.

280
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:33,776
There're going to be times
when someone makes one expression

281
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,976
while masking another that just
kind of leaks through in a flash.

282
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,976
Murderers are known to leak sadness.

283
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,576
Your new joint venture partner
might shake your hand,

284
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:45,976
celebrate, go out to dinner with you
and then leak an expression of anger.

285
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,576
And we're not all going to become
facial expression experts overnight here,

286
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,078
but there's one I can teach you
that's very dangerous

287
00:12:52,102 --> 00:12:53,315
and it's easy to learn,

288
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:55,176
and that's the expression of contempt.

289
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,200
Now with anger, you've got
two people on an even playing field.

290
00:12:58,224 --> 00:13:00,415
It's still somewhat
of a healthy relationship.

291
00:13:00,439 --> 00:13:03,976
But when anger turns to contempt,
you've been dismissed.

292
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:05,976
It's associated with moral superiority.

293
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,976
And for that reason, it's very,
very hard to recover from.

294
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,976
Here's what it looks like.

295
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,976
It's marked by one lip corner
pulled up and in.

296
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,976
It's the only asymmetrical expression.

297
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,976
And in the presence of contempt,
whether or not deception follows --

298
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,976
and it doesn't always follow --

299
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,048
look the other way,
go the other direction,

300
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:27,976
reconsider the deal,

301
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,976
say, "No thank you. I'm not coming up
for just one more nightcap. Thank you."

302
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:35,976
Science has surfaced
many, many more indicators.

303
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,976
We know, for example,

304
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,000
we know liars will shift their blink rate,

305
00:13:40,024 --> 00:13:41,976
point their feet towards an exit.

306
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,976
They will take barrier objects

307
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:47,429
and put them between themselves
and the person that is interviewing them.

308
00:13:47,453 --> 00:13:48,976
They'll alter their vocal tone,

309
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,976
often making their vocal tone much lower.

310
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,976
Now here's the deal.

311
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,976
These behaviors are just behaviors.

312
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,976
They're not proof of deception.

313
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,976
They're red flags.

314
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,976
We're human beings.

315
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,276
We make deceptive flailing gestures
all over the place all day long.

316
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,491
They don't mean anything
in and of themselves.

317
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,076
But when you see clusters
of them, that's your signal.

318
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,976
Look, listen, probe,
ask some hard questions,

319
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,976
get out of that very comfortable
mode of knowing,

320
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,976
walk into curiosity mode,
ask more questions,

321
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,376
have a little dignity, treat the person
you're talking to with rapport.

322
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,976
Don't try to be like those folks
on "Law & Order" and those other TV shows

323
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,048
that pummel their subjects
into submission.

324
00:14:29,072 --> 00:14:31,076
Don't be too aggressive, it doesn't work.

325
00:14:32,119 --> 00:14:35,476
Now, we've talked a little bit
about how to talk to someone who's lying

326
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,976
and how to spot a lie.

327
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,476
And as I promised, we're now going
to look at what the truth looks like.

328
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,276
But I'm going to show you two videos,

329
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:44,976
two mothers -- one is lying,
one is telling the truth.

330
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:49,096
And these were surfaced by researcher
David Matsumoto in California.

331
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,976
And I think they're an excellent example
of what the truth looks like.

332
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,976
This mother, Diane Downs,

333
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,976
shot her kids at close range,

334
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,976
drove them to the hospital
while they bled all over the car,

335
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,976
claimed a scraggy-haired stranger did it.

336
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,976
And you'll see when you see the video,

337
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,334
she can't even pretend
to be an agonizing mother.

338
00:15:07,358 --> 00:15:10,976
What you want to look for here
is an incredible discrepancy

339
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:14,976
between horrific events that she describes
and her very, very cool demeanor.

340
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:18,476
And if you look closely, you'll see
duping delight throughout this video.

341
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,976
(Video) Diane Downs:
At night when I close my eyes,

342
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,096
I can see Christie reaching
her hand out to me while I'm driving,

343
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,376
and the blood just kept
coming out of her mouth.

344
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,543
And that -- maybe
it'll fade too with time --

345
00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:29,976
but I don't think so.

346
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,000
That bothers me the most.

347
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,976
PM: Now I'm going to show you a video

348
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,048
of an actual grieving mother,
Erin Runnion,

349
00:15:44,072 --> 00:15:47,976
confronting her daughter's murderer
and torturer in court.

350
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,000
Here you're going to see no false emotion,

351
00:15:50,024 --> 00:15:52,976
just the authentic expression
of a mother's agony.

352
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,091
(Video) Erin Runnion:
I wrote this statement

353
00:15:55,115 --> 00:15:57,776
on the third anniversary
of the night you took my baby,

354
00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,076
and you hurt her,

355
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,976
and you crushed her,

356
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,976
you terrified her until her heart stopped.

357
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,976
And she fought, and I know she fought you.

358
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,976
But I know she looked at you
with those amazing brown eyes,

359
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,976
and you still wanted to kill her.

360
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,976
And I don't understand it,

361
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,547
and I never will.

362
00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:23,976
PM: Okay, there's no doubting
the veracity of those emotions.

363
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,976
Now the technology
around what the truth looks like

364
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,976
is progressing on, the science of it.

365
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,976
We know, for example,

366
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,143
that we now have specialized eye trackers
and infrared brain scans,

367
00:16:35,167 --> 00:16:37,976
MRI's that can decode the signals
that our bodies send out

368
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,976
when we're trying to be deceptive.

369
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,976
And these technologies are going
to be marketed to all of us

370
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,976
as panaceas for deceit,

371
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,976
and they will prove
incredibly useful some day.

372
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,239
But you've got to ask yourself
in the meantime:

373
00:16:50,263 --> 00:16:52,359
Who do you want on your side
of the meeting,

374
00:16:52,383 --> 00:16:54,976
someone who's trained
in getting to the truth

375
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,076
or some guy who's going to drag
a 400-pound electroencephalogram

376
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,376
through the door?

377
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:02,976
Liespotters rely on human tools.

378
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,976
They know, as someone once said,

379
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,976
"Character's who you are in the dark."

380
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,976
And what's kind of interesting
is that today, we have so little darkness.

381
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,976
Our world is lit up 24 hours a day.

382
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,976
It's transparent
with blogs and social networks

383
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,676
broadcasting the buzz
of a whole new generation of people

384
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:23,276
that have made a choice to live
their lives in public.

385
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,976
It's a much more noisy world.

386
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,976
So one challenge we have is to remember,

387
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,976
oversharing, that's not honesty.

388
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,976
Our manic tweeting and texting
can blind us

389
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:41,576
to the fact that the subtleties
of human decency -- character integrity --

390
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,648
that's still what matters,
that's always what's going to matter.

391
00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:46,176
So in this much noisier world,

392
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,976
it might make sense for us

393
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:52,976
to be just a little bit more explicit
about our moral code.

394
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,576
When you combine the science
of recognizing deception

395
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,276
with the art of looking, listening,

396
00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:59,976
you exempt yourself
from collaborating in a lie.

397
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,976
You start up that path
of being just a little bit more explicit,

398
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,000
because you signal to everyone around you,

399
00:18:06,024 --> 00:18:10,976
you say, "Hey, my world, our world,
it's going to be an honest one.

400
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,620
My world is going to be
one where truth is strengthened

401
00:18:13,644 --> 00:18:15,976
and falsehood is recognized
and marginalized."

402
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,976
And when you do that,

403
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,976
the ground around you starts
to shift just a little bit.

404
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,976
And that's the truth. Thank you.

405
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:29,000
(Applause)