WEBVTT

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Okay, now I don't want
to alarm anybody in this room,

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but it's just come to my attention
that the person to your right is a liar.

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(Laughter)

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Also, the person to your left is a liar.

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Also the person sitting
in your very seats is a liar.

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We're all liars.

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What I'm going to do today

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is I'm going to show you what the research
says about why we're all liars,

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how you can become a liespotter

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and why you might want
to go the extra mile

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and go from liespotting to truth seeking,

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and ultimately to trust building.

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Now speaking of trust,

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ever since I wrote
this book, "Liespotting,"

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no one wants to meet me in person
anymore, no, no, no, no, no.

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They say, "It's okay, we'll email you."

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(Laughter)

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I can't even get
a coffee date at Starbucks.

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My husband's like, "Honey, deception?

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Maybe you could have focused on cooking.
How about French cooking?"

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So before I get started,
what I'm going to do

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is I'm going to clarify my goal for you,

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which is not to teach a game of Gotcha.

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Liespotters aren't those nitpicky kids,

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those kids in the back of the room
that are shouting, "Gotcha! Gotcha!

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Your eyebrow twitched.
You flared your nostril.

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I watch that TV show 'Lie To Me.'
I know you're lying."

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No, liespotters are armed

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with scientific knowledge
of how to spot deception.

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They use it to get to the truth,

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and they do what mature
leaders do everyday;

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they have difficult conversations
with difficult people,

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sometimes during very difficult times.

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And they start up that path
by accepting a core proposition,

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and that proposition is the following:

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Lying is a cooperative act.

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Think about it, a lie has no power
whatsoever by its mere utterance.

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Its power emerges

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when someone else agrees
to believe the lie.

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So I know it may sound like tough love,

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but look, if at some point
you got lied to,

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it's because you agreed to get lied to.

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Truth number one about lying:
Lying's a cooperative act.

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Now not all lies are harmful.

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Sometimes we're willing
participants in deception

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for the sake of social dignity,

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maybe to keep a secret that should
be kept secret, secret.

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We say, "Nice song."

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"Honey, you don't look fat in that, no."

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Or we say, favorite of the digiratti,

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"You know, I just fished
that email out of my Spam folder.

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So sorry."

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But there are times when we are unwilling
participants in deception.

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And that can have dramatic costs for us.

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Last year saw 997 billion dollars

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in corporate fraud alone
in the United States.

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That's an eyelash
under a trillion dollars.

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That's seven percent of revenues.

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Deception can cost billions.

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Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis.

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Or in the case
of double agents and traitors,

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like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames,

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lies can betray our country,

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they can compromise our security,
they can undermine democracy,

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they can cause the deaths
of those that defend us.

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Deception is actually serious business.

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This con man, Henry Oberlander,
he was such an effective con man,

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British authorities say

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he could have undermined the entire
banking system of the Western world.

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And you can't find this guy on Google;
you can't find him anywhere.

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He was interviewed once,
and he said the following.

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He said, "Look, I've got one rule."

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And this was Henry's rule, he said,

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"Look, everyone is willing
to give you something.

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They're ready to give you something
for whatever it is they're hungry for."

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And that's the crux of it.

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If you don't want to be
deceived, you have to know,

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what is it that you're hungry for?

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And we all kind of hate to admit it.

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We wish we were
better husbands, better wives,

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smarter, more powerful, taller, richer --

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the list goes on.

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Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap,

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to connect our wishes and our fantasies

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about who we wish we were,
how we wish we could be,

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with what we're really like.

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And boy are we willing to fill in
those gaps in our lives with lies.

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On a given day, studies show
that you may be lied to

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anywhere from 10 to 200 times.

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Now granted, many of those are white lies.

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But in another study,

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it showed that strangers lied three times

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within the first 10 minutes
of meeting each other.

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(Laughter)

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Now when we first hear
this data, we recoil.

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We can't believe how prevalent lying is.

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We're essentially against lying.

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But if you look more closely,
the plot actually thickens.

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We lie more to strangers
than we lie to coworkers.

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Extroverts lie more than introverts.

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Men lie eight times more about themselves
than they do other people.

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Women lie more to protect other people.

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If you're an average married couple,

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you're going to lie to your spouse
in one out of every 10 interactions.

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Now, you may think that's bad.

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If you're unmarried,
that number drops to three.

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Lying's complex.

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It's woven into the fabric
of our daily and our business lives.

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We're deeply ambivalent about the truth.

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We parse it out on an as-needed basis,

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sometimes for very good reasons,

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other times just because
we don't understand the gaps in our lives.

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That's truth number two about lying.

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We're against lying,

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but we're covertly for it

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in ways that our society has sanctioned
for centuries and centuries and centuries.

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It's as old as breathing.

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It's part of our culture,
it's part of our history.

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Think Dante, Shakespeare,
the Bible, News of the World.

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(Laughter)

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Lying has evolutionary value
to us as a species.

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Researchers have long known
that the more intelligent the species,

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the larger the neocortex,

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the more likely it is to be deceptive.

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Now you might remember Koko.

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Does anybody remember Koko the gorilla
who was taught sign language?

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Koko was taught to communicate
via sign language.

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Here's Koko with her kitten.

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It's her cute little, fluffy pet kitten.

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Koko once blamed her pet kitten
for ripping a sink out of the wall.

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(Laughter)

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We're hardwired to become
leaders of the pack.

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It's starts really, really early.

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How early?

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Well babies will fake a cry,

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pause, wait to see who's coming

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and then go right back to crying.

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One-year-olds learn concealment.

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(Laughter)

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Two-year-olds bluff.

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Five-year-olds lie outright.

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They manipulate via flattery.

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Nine-year-olds, masters of the cover-up.

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By the time you enter college,

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you're going to lie to your mom
in one out of every five interactions.

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By the time we enter this work world
and we're breadwinners,

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we enter a world that is just cluttered
with Spam, fake digital friends,

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partisan media,

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ingenious identity thieves,

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world-class Ponzi schemers,

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a deception epidemic --

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in short, what one author calls
a post-truth society.

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It's been very confusing
for a long time now.

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What do you do?

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Well, there are steps we can take
to navigate our way through the morass.

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Trained liespotters get to the truth
90 percent of the time.

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The rest of us,
we're only 54 percent accurate.

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Why is it so easy to learn?

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There are good liars and bad liars.

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There are no real original liars.

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We all make the same mistakes.
We all use the same techniques.

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So what I'm going to do is I'm going
to show you two patterns of deception.

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And then we're going
to look at the hot spots

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and see if we can find them ourselves.

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We're going to start with speech.

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(Video) Bill Clinton:
I want you to listen to me.

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I'm going to say this again.

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I did not have sexual relations
with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.

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I never told anybody to lie,
not a single time, never.

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And these allegations are false.

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And I need to go back to work
for the American people.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)

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Pamela Meyer: Okay,
what were the telltale signs?

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Well first we heard what's known
as a non-contracted denial.

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Studies show that people
who are overdetermined in their denial

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will resort to formal rather
than informal language.

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We also heard
distancing language: "that woman."

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We know that liars will unconsciously
distance themselves

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from their subject,

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using language as their tool.

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Now if Bill Clinton had said,
"Well, to tell you the truth..."

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or Richard Nixon's favorite,
"In all candor..."

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he would have been a dead giveaway

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for any liespotter than knows

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that qualifying language, as it's called,
qualifying language like that,

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further discredits the subject.

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Now if he had repeated
the question in its entirety,

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or if he had peppered his account
with a little too much detail --

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and we're all really glad
he didn't do that --

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he would have further discredited himself.

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Freud had it right.

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Freud said, look,
there's much more to it than speech:

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"No mortal can keep a secret.

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If his lips are silent,
he chatters with his fingertips."

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And we all do it no matter
how powerful you are.

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We all chatter with our fingertips.

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I'm going to show you
Dominique Strauss-Kahn with Obama

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who's chattering with his fingertips.

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(Laughter)

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Now this brings us to our next pattern,
which is body language.

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With body language,
here's what you've got to do.

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You've really got to just throw
your assumptions out the door.

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Let the science temper
your knowledge a little bit.

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Because we think liars
fidget all the time.

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Well guess what, they're known to freeze
their upper bodies when they're lying.

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We think liars won't look you in the eyes.

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Well guess what, they look
you in the eyes a little too much

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just to compensate for that myth.

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We think warmth and smiles
convey honesty, sincerity.

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But a trained liespotter
can spot a fake smile a mile away.

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Can you all spot the fake smile here?

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You can consciously contract
the muscles in your cheeks.

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But the real smile's in the eyes,
the crow's feet of the eyes.

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They cannot be consciously contracted,

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especially if you overdid the Botox.

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Don't overdo the Botox;
nobody will think you're honest.

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Now we're going to look at the hot spots.

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Can you tell what's happening
in a conversation?

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Can you start to find the hot spots

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to see the discrepancies

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between someone's words
and someone's actions?

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Now, I know it seems really obvious,

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but when you're having a conversation
with someone you suspect of deception,

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attitude is by far the most overlooked
but telling of indicators.

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An honest person
is going to be cooperative.

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They're going to show
they're on your side.

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They're going to be enthusiastic.

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They're going to be willing and helpful
to getting you to the truth.

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They're going to be willing
to brainstorm, name suspects,

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provide details.

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They're going to say,

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"Hey, maybe it was those guys in payroll
that forged those checks."

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They're going to be infuriated
if they sense they're wrongly accused

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throughout the entire course
of the interview, not just in flashes;

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they'll be infuriated throughout
the entire course of the interview.

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And if you ask someone honest

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what should happen
to whomever did forge those checks,

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an honest person is much more likely

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to recommend strict rather
than lenient punishment.

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Now let's say you're having
that exact same conversation

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with someone deceptive.

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That person may be withdrawn,

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look down, lower their voice,

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pause, be kind of herky-jerky.

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Ask a deceptive person
to tell their story,

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they're going to pepper it
with way too much detail

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in all kinds of irrelevant places.

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And then they're going to tell their story
in strict chronological order.

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And what a trained interrogator does

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is they come in and in very subtle ways
over the course of several hours,

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they will ask that person
to tell that story backwards,

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and then they'll watch them squirm,

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and track which questions produce
the highest volume of deceptive tells.

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Why do they do that?
Well, we all do the same thing.

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We rehearse our words,

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but we rarely rehearse our gestures.

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We say "yes," we shake our heads "no."

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We tell very convincing stories,
we slightly shrug our shoulders.

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We commit terrible crimes,

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and we smile at the delight
in getting away with it.

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Now, that smile is known
in the trade as "duping delight."

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And we're going to see that
in several videos moving forward,

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but we're going to start --
for those of you who don't know him,

00:11:49.100 --> 00:11:51.176
this is presidential
candidate John Edwards

00:11:51.200 --> 00:11:53.976
who shocked America by fathering
a child out of wedlock.

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We're going to see him talk
about getting a paternity test.

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See now if you can spot him
saying, "yes" while shaking his head "no,"

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slightly shrugging his shoulders.

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(Video) John Edwards: I'd be happy
to participate in one.

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I know that it's not possible
that this child could be mine,

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because of the timing of events.

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So I know it's not possible.

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Happy to take a paternity test,
and would love to see it happen.

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Interviewer: Are you going to do
that soon? Is there somebody --

00:12:19.072 --> 00:12:21.976
JE: Well, I'm only one side.
I'm only one side of the test.

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But I'm happy to participate in one.

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PM: Okay, those head shakes
are much easier to spot

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once you know to look for them.

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There're going to be times
when someone makes one expression

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while masking another that just
kind of leaks through in a flash.

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Murderers are known to leak sadness.

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Your new joint venture partner
might shake your hand,

00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:45.976
celebrate, go out to dinner with you
and then leak an expression of anger.

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And we're not all going to become
facial expression experts overnight here,

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but there's one I can teach you
that's very dangerous

00:12:52.102 --> 00:12:53.315
and it's easy to learn,

00:12:53.339 --> 00:12:55.176
and that's the expression of contempt.

00:12:55.200 --> 00:12:58.200
Now with anger, you've got
two people on an even playing field.

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It's still somewhat
of a healthy relationship.

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But when anger turns to contempt,
you've been dismissed.

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It's associated with moral superiority.

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And for that reason, it's very,
very hard to recover from.

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Here's what it looks like.

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It's marked by one lip corner
pulled up and in.

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It's the only asymmetrical expression.

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And in the presence of contempt,
whether or not deception follows --

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and it doesn't always follow --

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look the other way,
go the other direction,

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reconsider the deal,

00:13:28.000 --> 00:13:31.976
say, "No thank you. I'm not coming up
for just one more nightcap. Thank you."

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Science has surfaced
many, many more indicators.

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We know, for example,

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we know liars will shift their blink rate,

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point their feet towards an exit.

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They will take barrier objects

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and put them between themselves
and the person that is interviewing them.

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They'll alter their vocal tone,

00:13:49.000 --> 00:13:51.976
often making their vocal tone much lower.

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Now here's the deal.

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These behaviors are just behaviors.

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They're not proof of deception.

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They're red flags.

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We're human beings.

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We make deceptive flailing gestures
all over the place all day long.

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They don't mean anything
in and of themselves.

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But when you see clusters
of them, that's your signal.

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Look, listen, probe,
ask some hard questions,

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get out of that very comfortable
mode of knowing,

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walk into curiosity mode,
ask more questions,

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have a little dignity, treat the person
you're talking to with rapport.

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Don't try to be like those folks
on "Law & Order" and those other TV shows

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that pummel their subjects
into submission.

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Don't be too aggressive, it doesn't work.

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Now, we've talked a little bit
about how to talk to someone who's lying

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and how to spot a lie.

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And as I promised, we're now going
to look at what the truth looks like.

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But I'm going to show you two videos,

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two mothers -- one is lying,
one is telling the truth.

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And these were surfaced by researcher
David Matsumoto in California.

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And I think they're an excellent example
of what the truth looks like.

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This mother, Diane Downs,

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shot her kids at close range,

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drove them to the hospital
while they bled all over the car,

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claimed a scraggy-haired stranger did it.

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And you'll see when you see the video,

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she can't even pretend
to be an agonizing mother.

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What you want to look for here
is an incredible discrepancy

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between horrific events that she describes
and her very, very cool demeanor.

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And if you look closely, you'll see
duping delight throughout this video.

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(Video) Diane Downs:
At night when I close my eyes,

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I can see Christie reaching
her hand out to me while I'm driving,

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and the blood just kept
coming out of her mouth.

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And that -- maybe
it'll fade too with time --

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but I don't think so.

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That bothers me the most.

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PM: Now I'm going to show you a video

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of an actual grieving mother,
Erin Runnion,

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confronting her daughter's murderer
and torturer in court.

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Here you're going to see no false emotion,

00:15:50.024 --> 00:15:52.976
just the authentic expression
of a mother's agony.

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(Video) Erin Runnion:
I wrote this statement

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on the third anniversary
of the night you took my baby,

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and you hurt her,

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and you crushed her,

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you terrified her until her heart stopped.

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And she fought, and I know she fought you.

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But I know she looked at you
with those amazing brown eyes,

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and you still wanted to kill her.

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And I don't understand it,

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and I never will.

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PM: Okay, there's no doubting
the veracity of those emotions.

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Now the technology
around what the truth looks like

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is progressing on, the science of it.

00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:31.976
We know, for example,

00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:35.143
that we now have specialized eye trackers
and infrared brain scans,

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MRI's that can decode the signals
that our bodies send out

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when we're trying to be deceptive.

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And these technologies are going
to be marketed to all of us

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as panaceas for deceit,

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and they will prove
incredibly useful some day.

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But you've got to ask yourself
in the meantime:

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Who do you want on your side
of the meeting,

00:16:52.383 --> 00:16:54.976
someone who's trained
in getting to the truth

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or some guy who's going to drag
a 400-pound electroencephalogram

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through the door?

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Liespotters rely on human tools.

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They know, as someone once said,

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"Character's who you are in the dark."

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And what's kind of interesting
is that today, we have so little darkness.

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Our world is lit up 24 hours a day.

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It's transparent
with blogs and social networks

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broadcasting the buzz
of a whole new generation of people

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that have made a choice to live
their lives in public.

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It's a much more noisy world.

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So one challenge we have is to remember,

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oversharing, that's not honesty.

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Our manic tweeting and texting
can blind us

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to the fact that the subtleties
of human decency -- character integrity --

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that's still what matters,
that's always what's going to matter.

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So in this much noisier world,

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it might make sense for us

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to be just a little bit more explicit
about our moral code.

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When you combine the science
of recognizing deception

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with the art of looking, listening,

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you exempt yourself
from collaborating in a lie.

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You start up that path
of being just a little bit more explicit,

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because you signal to everyone around you,

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you say, "Hey, my world, our world,
it's going to be an honest one.

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My world is going to be
one where truth is strengthened

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and falsehood is recognized
and marginalized."

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And when you do that,

00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:20.976
the ground around you starts
to shift just a little bit.

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And that's the truth. Thank you.

00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:29.000
(Applause)