WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.000 Okay, now I don't want to alarm anybody in this room, 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:07.000 but it's just come to my attention 00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:09.000 that the person to your right is a liar. 00:00:09.000 --> 00:00:11.000 (Laughter) 00:00:11.000 --> 00:00:14.000 Also, the person to your left is a liar. 00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:17.000 Also the person sitting in your very seats is a liar. 00:00:17.000 --> 00:00:19.000 We're all liars. 00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:21.000 What I'm going to do today 00:00:21.000 --> 00:00:24.000 is I'm going to show you what the research says about why we're all liars, 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:26.000 how you can become a liespotter 00:00:26.000 --> 00:00:29.000 and why you might want to go the extra mile 00:00:29.000 --> 00:00:32.000 and go from liespotting to truth seeking, 00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:34.000 and ultimately to trust building. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:37.000 Now speaking of trust, 00:00:37.000 --> 00:00:40.000 ever since I wrote this book, "Liespotting," 00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:43.000 no one wants to meet me in person anymore, no, no, no, no, no. 00:00:43.000 --> 00:00:46.000 They say, "It's okay, we'll email you." 00:00:46.000 --> 00:00:48.000 (Laughter) 00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:52.000 I can't even get a coffee date at Starbucks. 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:54.000 My husband's like, "Honey, deception? 00:00:54.000 --> 00:00:57.000 Maybe you could have focused on cooking. How about French cooking?" NOTE Paragraph 00:00:57.000 --> 00:00:59.000 So before I get started, what I'm going to do 00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:02.000 is I'm going to clarify my goal for you, 00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:04.000 which is not to teach a game of Gotcha. 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:06.000 Liespotters aren't those nitpicky kids, 00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:09.000 those kids in the back of the room that are shouting, "Gotcha! Gotcha! 00:01:09.000 --> 00:01:12.000 Your eyebrow twitched. You flared your nostril. 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:15.000 I watch that TV show 'Lie To Me.' I know you're lying." 00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:17.000 No, liespotters are armed 00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:20.000 with scientific knowledge of how to spot deception. 00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:22.000 They use it to get to the truth, 00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:24.000 and they do what mature leaders do everyday; 00:01:24.000 --> 00:01:27.000 they have difficult conversations with difficult people, 00:01:27.000 --> 00:01:29.000 sometimes during very difficult times. 00:01:29.000 --> 00:01:31.000 And they start up that path 00:01:31.000 --> 00:01:33.000 by accepting a core proposition, 00:01:33.000 --> 00:01:35.000 and that proposition is the following: 00:01:35.000 --> 00:01:38.000 Lying is a cooperative act. 00:01:38.000 --> 00:01:42.000 Think about it, a lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance. 00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:44.000 Its power emerges 00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:46.000 when someone else agrees to believe the lie. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:48.000 So I know it may sound like tough love, 00:01:48.000 --> 00:01:52.000 but look, if at some point you got lied to, 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:54.000 it's because you agreed to get lied to. 00:01:54.000 --> 00:01:57.000 Truth number one about lying: Lying's a cooperative act. 00:01:57.000 --> 00:01:59.000 Now not all lies are harmful. 00:01:59.000 --> 00:02:02.000 Sometimes we're willing participants in deception 00:02:02.000 --> 00:02:05.000 for the sake of social dignity, 00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:08.000 maybe to keep a secret that should be kept secret, secret. 00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:10.000 We say, "Nice song." 00:02:10.000 --> 00:02:13.000 "Honey, you don't look fat in that, no." 00:02:13.000 --> 00:02:15.000 Or we say, favorite of the digiratti, 00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:18.000 "You know, I just fished that email out of my spam folder. 00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:21.000 So sorry." NOTE Paragraph 00:02:21.000 --> 00:02:24.000 But there are times when we are unwilling participants in deception. 00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:27.000 And that can have dramatic costs for us. 00:02:27.000 --> 00:02:30.000 Last year saw 997 billion dollars 00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:34.000 in corporate fraud alone in the United States. 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:36.000 That's an eyelash under a trillion dollars. 00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:38.000 That's seven percent of revenues. 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:40.000 Deception can cost billions. 00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:43.000 Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis. 00:02:43.000 --> 00:02:46.000 Or in the case of double agents and traitors, 00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:48.000 like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames, 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:50.000 lies can betray our country, 00:02:50.000 --> 00:02:53.000 they can compromise our security, they can undermine democracy, 00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:56.000 they can cause the deaths of those that defend us. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:59.000 Deception is actually serious business. 00:02:59.000 --> 00:03:01.000 This con man, Henry Oberlander, 00:03:01.000 --> 00:03:03.000 he was such an effective con man 00:03:03.000 --> 00:03:05.000 British authorities say 00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:08.000 he could have undermined the entire banking system of the Western world. 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:10.000 And you can't find this guy on Google; you can't find him anywhere. 00:03:10.000 --> 00:03:13.000 He was interviewed once, and he said the following. 00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:15.000 He said, "Look, I've got one rule." 00:03:15.000 --> 00:03:18.000 And this was Henry's rule, he said, 00:03:18.000 --> 00:03:20.000 "Look, everyone is willing to give you something. 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:23.000 They're ready to give you something for whatever it is they're hungry for." 00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:25.000 And that's the crux of it. 00:03:25.000 --> 00:03:27.000 If you don't want to be deceived, you have to know, 00:03:27.000 --> 00:03:29.000 what is it that you're hungry for? 00:03:29.000 --> 00:03:32.000 And we all kind of hate to admit it. 00:03:32.000 --> 00:03:35.000 We wish we were better husbands, better wives, 00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:37.000 smarter, more powerful, 00:03:37.000 --> 00:03:39.000 taller, richer -- 00:03:39.000 --> 00:03:41.000 the list goes on. 00:03:41.000 --> 00:03:43.000 Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap, 00:03:43.000 --> 00:03:45.000 to connect our wishes and our fantasies 00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:48.000 about who we wish we were, how we wish we could be, 00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:51.000 with what we're really like. 00:03:51.000 --> 00:03:54.000 And boy are we willing to fill in those gaps in our lives with lies. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:54.000 --> 00:03:57.000 On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to 00:03:57.000 --> 00:03:59.000 anywhere from 10 to 200 times. 00:03:59.000 --> 00:04:02.000 Now granted, many of those are white lies. 00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:04.000 But in another study, 00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:06.000 it showed that strangers lied three times 00:04:06.000 --> 00:04:08.000 within the first 10 minutes of meeting each other. 00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:10.000 (Laughter) 00:04:10.000 --> 00:04:13.000 Now when we first hear this data, we recoil. 00:04:13.000 --> 00:04:15.000 We can't believe how prevalent lying is. 00:04:15.000 --> 00:04:17.000 We're essentially against lying. 00:04:17.000 --> 00:04:19.000 But if you look more closely, 00:04:19.000 --> 00:04:21.000 the plot actually thickens. 00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:24.000 We lie more to strangers than we lie to coworkers. 00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:28.000 Extroverts lie more than introverts. 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:31.000 Men lie eight times more about themselves 00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:33.000 than they do other people. 00:04:33.000 --> 00:04:36.000 Women lie more to protect other people. 00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:39.000 If you're an average married couple, 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:41.000 you're going to lie to your spouse 00:04:41.000 --> 00:04:43.000 in one out of every 10 interactions. 00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:45.000 Now you may think that's bad. 00:04:45.000 --> 00:04:47.000 If you're unmarried, that number drops to three. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:47.000 --> 00:04:49.000 Lying's complex. 00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:52.000 It's woven into the fabric of our daily and our business lives. 00:04:52.000 --> 00:04:54.000 We're deeply ambivalent about the truth. 00:04:54.000 --> 00:04:56.000 We parse it out on an as-needed basis, 00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:58.000 sometimes for very good reasons, 00:04:58.000 --> 00:05:01.000 other times just because we don't understand the gaps in our lives. 00:05:01.000 --> 00:05:03.000 That's truth number two about lying. 00:05:03.000 --> 00:05:05.000 We're against lying, 00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:07.000 but we're covertly for it 00:05:07.000 --> 00:05:09.000 in ways that our society has sanctioned 00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:11.000 for centuries and centuries and centuries. 00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:13.000 It's as old as breathing. 00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:15.000 It's part of our culture, it's part of our history. 00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:18.000 Think Dante, Shakespeare, 00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:21.000 the Bible, News of the World. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:21.000 --> 00:05:23.000 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:05:23.000 --> 00:05:25.000 Lying has evolutionary value to us as a species. 00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:27.000 Researchers have long known 00:05:27.000 --> 00:05:29.000 that the more intelligent the species, 00:05:29.000 --> 00:05:31.000 the larger the neocortex, 00:05:31.000 --> 00:05:33.000 the more likely it is to be deceptive. 00:05:33.000 --> 00:05:35.000 Now you might remember Koko. 00:05:35.000 --> 00:05:38.000 Does anybody remember Koko the gorilla who was taught sign language? 00:05:38.000 --> 00:05:41.000 Koko was taught to communicate via sign language. 00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:43.000 Here's Koko with her kitten. 00:05:43.000 --> 00:05:46.000 It's her cute little, fluffy pet kitten. 00:05:46.000 --> 00:05:48.000 Koko once blamed her pet kitten 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:50.000 for ripping a sink out of the wall. 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:52.000 (Laughter) 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:54.000 We're hardwired to become leaders of the pack. 00:05:54.000 --> 00:05:56.000 It's starts really, really early. 00:05:56.000 --> 00:05:58.000 How early? 00:05:58.000 --> 00:06:00.000 Well babies will fake a cry, 00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:02.000 pause, wait to see who's coming 00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:04.000 and then go right back to crying. 00:06:04.000 --> 00:06:06.000 One-year-olds learn concealment. 00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:08.000 (Laughter) 00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:10.000 Two-year-olds bluff. 00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:12.000 Five-year-olds lie outright. 00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:14.000 They manipulate via flattery. 00:06:14.000 --> 00:06:17.000 Nine-year-olds, masters of the cover up. 00:06:17.000 --> 00:06:19.000 By the time you enter college, 00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:22.000 you're going to lie to your mom in one out of every five interactions. 00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:25.000 By the time we enter this work world and we're breadwinners, 00:06:25.000 --> 00:06:27.000 we enter a world that is just cluttered 00:06:27.000 --> 00:06:29.000 with spam, fake digital friends, 00:06:29.000 --> 00:06:31.000 partisan media, 00:06:31.000 --> 00:06:33.000 ingenious identity thieves, 00:06:33.000 --> 00:06:35.000 world-class Ponzi schemers, 00:06:35.000 --> 00:06:37.000 a deception epidemic -- 00:06:37.000 --> 00:06:39.000 in short, what one author calls 00:06:39.000 --> 00:06:42.000 a post-truth society. 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:44.000 It's been very confusing 00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:47.000 for a long time now. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:48.000 --> 00:06:50.000 What do you do? 00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:52.000 Well there are steps we can take 00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:54.000 to navigate our way through the morass. 00:06:54.000 --> 00:06:57.000 Trained liespotters get to the truth 90 percent of the time. 00:06:57.000 --> 00:07:00.000 The rest of us, we're only 54 percent accurate. 00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:02.000 Why is it so easy to learn? 00:07:02.000 --> 00:07:05.000 There are good liars and there are bad liars. There are no real original liars. 00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:08.000 We all make the same mistakes. We all use the same techniques. 00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:10.000 So what I'm going to do 00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:12.000 is I'm going to show you two patterns of deception. 00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:15.000 And then we're going to look at the hot spots and see if we can find them ourselves. 00:07:15.000 --> 00:07:18.000 We're going to start with speech. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:18.000 --> 00:07:20.000 (Video) Bill Clinton: I want you to listen to me. 00:07:20.000 --> 00:07:22.000 I'm going to say this again. 00:07:22.000 --> 00:07:25.000 I did not have sexual relations 00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:29.000 with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. 00:07:29.000 --> 00:07:31.000 I never told anybody to lie, 00:07:31.000 --> 00:07:33.000 not a single time, never. 00:07:33.000 --> 00:07:36.000 And these allegations are false. 00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:38.000 And I need to go back to work for the American people. 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:40.000 Thank you. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:43.000 --> 00:07:46.000 Pamela Meyer: Okay, what were the telltale signs? 00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:50.000 Well first we heard what's known as a non-contracted denial. 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:53.000 Studies show that people who are overdetermined in their denial 00:07:53.000 --> 00:07:56.000 will resort to formal rather than informal language. 00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:59.000 We also heard distancing language: "that woman." 00:07:59.000 --> 00:08:01.000 We know that liars will unconsciously distance themselves 00:08:01.000 --> 00:08:03.000 from their subject 00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:06.000 using language as their tool. 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:09.000 Now if Bill Clinton had said, "Well, to tell you the truth ... " 00:08:09.000 --> 00:08:11.000 or Richard Nixon's favorite, "In all candor ... " 00:08:11.000 --> 00:08:13.000 he would have been a dead giveaway 00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:15.000 for any liespotter than knows 00:08:15.000 --> 00:08:18.000 that qualifying language, as it's called, qualifying language like that, 00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:20.000 further discredits the subject. 00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:23.000 Now if he had repeated the question in its entirety, 00:08:23.000 --> 00:08:27.000 or if he had peppered his account with a little too much detail -- 00:08:27.000 --> 00:08:29.000 and we're all really glad he didn't do that -- 00:08:29.000 --> 00:08:31.000 he would have further discredited himself. 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:33.000 Freud had it right. 00:08:33.000 --> 00:08:36.000 Freud said, look, there's much more to it than speech: 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:39.000 "No mortal can keep a secret. 00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:42.000 If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips." 00:08:42.000 --> 00:08:45.000 And we all do it no matter how powerful you are. 00:08:45.000 --> 00:08:47.000 We all chatter with our fingertips. 00:08:47.000 --> 00:08:50.000 I'm going to show you Dominique Strauss-Kahn with Obama 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:53.000 who's chattering with his fingertips. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:53.000 --> 00:08:56.000 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:08:56.000 --> 00:08:59.000 Now this brings us to our next pattern, 00:08:59.000 --> 00:09:02.000 which is body language. 00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:05.000 With body language, here's what you've got to do. 00:09:05.000 --> 00:09:08.000 You've really got to just throw your assumptions out the door. 00:09:08.000 --> 00:09:10.000 Let the science temper your knowledge a little bit. 00:09:10.000 --> 00:09:13.000 Because we think liars fidget all the time. 00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:16.000 Well guess what, they're known to freeze their upper bodies when they're lying. 00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:19.000 We think liars won't look you in the eyes. 00:09:19.000 --> 00:09:21.000 Well guess what, they look you in the eyes a little too much 00:09:21.000 --> 00:09:23.000 just to compensate for that myth. 00:09:23.000 --> 00:09:25.000 We think warmth and smiles 00:09:25.000 --> 00:09:27.000 convey honesty, sincerity. 00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:29.000 But a trained liespotter 00:09:29.000 --> 00:09:31.000 can spot a fake smile a mile away. 00:09:31.000 --> 00:09:34.000 Can you all spot the fake smile here? 00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:37.000 You can consciously contract 00:09:37.000 --> 00:09:40.000 the muscles in your cheeks. 00:09:40.000 --> 00:09:43.000 But the real smile's in the eyes, the crow's feet of the eyes. 00:09:43.000 --> 00:09:45.000 They cannot be consciously contracted, 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:47.000 especially if you overdid the Botox. 00:09:47.000 --> 00:09:50.000 Don't overdo the Botox; nobody will think you're honest. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:52.000 Now we're going to look at the hot spots. 00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:54.000 Can you tell what's happening in a conversation? 00:09:54.000 --> 00:09:57.000 Can you start to find the hot spots 00:09:57.000 --> 00:09:59.000 to see the discrepancies 00:09:59.000 --> 00:10:01.000 between someone's words and someone's actions? 00:10:01.000 --> 00:10:03.000 Now I know it seems really obvious, 00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:05.000 but when you're having a conversation 00:10:05.000 --> 00:10:08.000 with someone you suspect of deception, 00:10:08.000 --> 00:10:11.000 attitude is by far the most overlooked but telling of indicators. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:11.000 --> 00:10:13.000 An honest person is going to be cooperative. 00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:15.000 They're going to show they're on your side. 00:10:15.000 --> 00:10:17.000 They're going to be enthusiastic. 00:10:17.000 --> 00:10:19.000 They're going to be willing and helpful to getting you to the truth. 00:10:19.000 --> 00:10:22.000 They're going to be willing to brainstorm, name suspects, 00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:24.000 provide details. 00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:26.000 They're going to say, "Hey, 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:29.000 maybe it was those guys in payroll that forged those checks." 00:10:29.000 --> 00:10:32.000 They're going to be infuriated if they sense they're wrongly accused 00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:34.000 throughout the entire course of the interview, not just in flashes; 00:10:34.000 --> 00:10:37.000 they'll be infuriated throughout the entire course of the interview. 00:10:37.000 --> 00:10:39.000 And if you ask someone honest 00:10:39.000 --> 00:10:42.000 what should happen to whomever did forge those checks, 00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:44.000 an honest person is much more likely 00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:48.000 to recommend strict rather than lenient punishment. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:48.000 --> 00:10:50.000 Now let's say you're having that exact same conversation 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:52.000 with someone deceptive. 00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:54.000 That person may be withdrawn, 00:10:54.000 --> 00:10:56.000 look down, lower their voice, 00:10:56.000 --> 00:10:58.000 pause, be kind of herky-jerky. 00:10:58.000 --> 00:11:00.000 Ask a deceptive person to tell their story, 00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:03.000 they're going to pepper it with way too much detail 00:11:03.000 --> 00:11:06.000 in all kinds of irrelevant places. 00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:09.000 And then they're going to tell their story in strict chronological order. 00:11:09.000 --> 00:11:11.000 And what a trained interrogator does 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:13.000 is they come in and in very subtle ways 00:11:13.000 --> 00:11:15.000 over the course of several hours, 00:11:15.000 --> 00:11:18.000 they will ask that person to tell that story backwards, 00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:20.000 and then they'll watch them squirm, 00:11:20.000 --> 00:11:23.000 and track which questions produce the highest volume of deceptive tells. 00:11:23.000 --> 00:11:26.000 Why do they do that? Well we all do the same thing. 00:11:26.000 --> 00:11:28.000 We rehearse our words, 00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:30.000 but we rarely rehearse our gestures. 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:32.000 We say "yes," we shake our heads "no." 00:11:32.000 --> 00:11:35.000 We tell very convincing stories, we slightly shrug our shoulders. 00:11:35.000 --> 00:11:37.000 We commit terrible crimes, 00:11:37.000 --> 00:11:40.000 and we smile at the delight in getting away with it. 00:11:40.000 --> 00:11:43.000 Now that smile is known in the trade as "duping delight." NOTE Paragraph 00:11:43.000 --> 00:11:46.000 And we're going to see that in several videos moving forward, 00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:48.000 but we're going to start -- for those of you who don't know him, 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:51.000 this is presidential candidate John Edwards 00:11:51.000 --> 00:11:54.000 who shocked America by fathering a child out of wedlock. 00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:57.000 We're going to see him talk about getting a paternity test. 00:11:57.000 --> 00:11:59.000 See now if you can spot him 00:11:59.000 --> 00:12:01.000 saying, "yes" while shaking his head "no," 00:12:01.000 --> 00:12:03.000 slightly shrugging his shoulders. NOTE Paragraph 00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:05.000 (Video) John Edwards: I'd be happy to participate in one. 00:12:05.000 --> 00:12:08.000 I know that it's not possible that this child could be mine, 00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:10.000 because of the timing of events. 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:12.000 So I know it's not possible. 00:12:12.000 --> 00:12:14.000 Happy to take a paternity test, 00:12:14.000 --> 00:12:16.000 and would love to see it happen. 00:12:16.000 --> 00:12:19.000 Interviewer: Are you going to do that soon? Is there somebody -- 00:12:19.000 --> 00:12:22.000 JE: Well, I'm only one side. I'm only one side of the test. 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:25.000 But I'm happy to participate in one. NOTE Paragraph 00:12:25.000 --> 00:12:27.000 PM: Okay, those head shakes are much easier to spot 00:12:27.000 --> 00:12:29.000 once you know to look for them. 00:12:29.000 --> 00:12:31.000 There're going to be times 00:12:31.000 --> 00:12:33.000 when someone makes one expression 00:12:33.000 --> 00:12:36.000 while masking another that just kind of leaks through in a flash. 00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:39.000 Murderers are known to leak sadness. 00:12:39.000 --> 00:12:41.000 Your new joint venture partner might shake your hand, 00:12:41.000 --> 00:12:43.000 celebrate, go out to dinner with you 00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:46.000 and then leak an expression of anger. 00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:49.000 And we're not all going to become facial expression experts overnight here, 00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:52.000 but there's one I can teach you that's very dangerous, and it's easy to learn, 00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:55.000 and that's the expression of contempt. 00:12:55.000 --> 00:12:58.000 Now with anger, you've got two people on an even playing field. 00:12:58.000 --> 00:13:00.000 It's still somewhat of a healthy relationship. 00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:02.000 But when anger turns to contempt, 00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:04.000 you've been dismissed. 00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:06.000 It's associated with moral superiority. 00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:09.000 And for that reason, it's very, very hard to recover from. 00:13:09.000 --> 00:13:11.000 Here's what it looks like. 00:13:11.000 --> 00:13:13.000 It's marked by one lip corner 00:13:13.000 --> 00:13:15.000 pulled up and in. 00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:18.000 It's the only asymmetrical expression. 00:13:18.000 --> 00:13:20.000 And in the presence of contempt, 00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:22.000 whether or not deception follows -- 00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:24.000 and it doesn't always follow -- 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:26.000 look the other way, go the other direction, 00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:28.000 reconsider the deal, 00:13:28.000 --> 00:13:32.000 say, "No thank you. I'm not coming up for just one more nightcap. Thank you." NOTE Paragraph 00:13:32.000 --> 00:13:34.000 Science has surfaced 00:13:34.000 --> 00:13:36.000 many, many more indicators. 00:13:36.000 --> 00:13:38.000 We know, for example, 00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:40.000 we know liars will shift their blink rate, 00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:42.000 point their feet towards an exit. 00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:44.000 They will take barrier objects 00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:47.000 and put them between themselves and the person that is interviewing them. 00:13:47.000 --> 00:13:49.000 They'll alter their vocal tone, 00:13:49.000 --> 00:13:52.000 often making their vocal tone much lower. 00:13:52.000 --> 00:13:54.000 Now here's the deal. 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:57.000 These behaviors are just behaviors. 00:13:57.000 --> 00:13:59.000 They're not proof of deception. 00:13:59.000 --> 00:14:01.000 They're red flags. 00:14:01.000 --> 00:14:03.000 We're human beings. 00:14:03.000 --> 00:14:06.000 We make deceptive flailing gestures all over the place all day long. 00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:08.000 They don't mean anything in and of themselves. 00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:11.000 But when you see clusters of them, that's your signal. 00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:14.000 Look, listen, probe, ask some hard questions, 00:14:14.000 --> 00:14:17.000 get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing, 00:14:17.000 --> 00:14:20.000 walk into curiosity mode, ask more questions, 00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:23.000 have a little dignity, treat the person you're talking to with rapport. 00:14:23.000 --> 00:14:26.000 Don't try to be like those folks on "Law & Order" and those other TV shows 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:28.000 that pummel their subjects into submission. 00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:31.000 Don't be too aggressive, it doesn't work. NOTE Paragraph 00:14:31.000 --> 00:14:33.000 Now we've talked a little bit 00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:35.000 about how to talk to someone who's lying 00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:37.000 and how to spot a lie. 00:14:37.000 --> 00:14:40.000 And as I promised, we're now going to look at what the truth looks like. 00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:42.000 But I'm going to show you two videos, 00:14:42.000 --> 00:14:45.000 two mothers -- one is lying, one is telling the truth. 00:14:45.000 --> 00:14:47.000 And these were surfaced 00:14:47.000 --> 00:14:49.000 by researcher David Matsumoto in California. 00:14:49.000 --> 00:14:51.000 And I think they're an excellent example 00:14:51.000 --> 00:14:53.000 of what the truth looks like. NOTE Paragraph 00:14:53.000 --> 00:14:55.000 This mother, Diane Downs, 00:14:55.000 --> 00:14:57.000 shot her kids at close range, 00:14:57.000 --> 00:14:59.000 drove them to the hospital 00:14:59.000 --> 00:15:01.000 while they bled all over the car, 00:15:01.000 --> 00:15:03.000 claimed a scraggy-haired stranger did it. 00:15:03.000 --> 00:15:05.000 And you'll see when you see the video, 00:15:05.000 --> 00:15:07.000 she can't even pretend to be an agonizing mother. 00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:09.000 What you want to look for here 00:15:09.000 --> 00:15:11.000 is an incredible discrepancy 00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:13.000 between horrific events that she describes 00:15:13.000 --> 00:15:15.000 and her very, very cool demeanor. 00:15:15.000 --> 00:15:18.000 And if you look closely, you'll see duping delight throughout this video. NOTE Paragraph 00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:20.000 (Video) Diane Downs: At night when I close my eyes, 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:23.000 I can see Christie reaching her hand out to me while I'm driving, 00:15:23.000 --> 00:15:26.000 and the blood just kept coming out of her mouth. 00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:28.000 And that -- maybe it'll fade too with time -- 00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:30.000 but I don't think so. 00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:33.000 That bothers me the most. NOTE Paragraph 00:15:40.000 --> 00:15:42.000 PM: Now I'm going to show you a video 00:15:42.000 --> 00:15:44.000 of an actual grieving mother, Erin Runnion, 00:15:44.000 --> 00:15:48.000 confronting her daughter's murderer and torturer in court. 00:15:48.000 --> 00:15:50.000 Here you're going to see no false emotion, 00:15:50.000 --> 00:15:53.000 just the authentic expression of a mother's agony. NOTE Paragraph 00:15:53.000 --> 00:15:55.000 (Video) Erin Runnion: I wrote this statement on the third anniversary 00:15:55.000 --> 00:15:57.000 of the night you took my baby, 00:15:57.000 --> 00:15:59.000 and you hurt her, 00:15:59.000 --> 00:16:01.000 and you crushed her, 00:16:01.000 --> 00:16:05.000 you terrified her until her heart stopped. 00:16:05.000 --> 00:16:08.000 And she fought, and I know she fought you. 00:16:08.000 --> 00:16:10.000 But I know she looked at you 00:16:10.000 --> 00:16:12.000 with those amazing brown eyes, 00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:15.000 and you still wanted to kill her. 00:16:15.000 --> 00:16:17.000 And I don't understand it, 00:16:17.000 --> 00:16:20.000 and I never will. NOTE Paragraph 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:24.000 PM: Okay, there's no doubting the veracity of those emotions. NOTE Paragraph 00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:27.000 Now the technology around what the truth looks like 00:16:27.000 --> 00:16:30.000 is progressing on, the science of it. 00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:32.000 We know for example 00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:35.000 that we now have specialized eye trackers and infrared brain scans, 00:16:35.000 --> 00:16:38.000 MRI's that can decode the signals that our bodies send out 00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:40.000 when we're trying to be deceptive. 00:16:40.000 --> 00:16:43.000 And these technologies are going to be marketed to all of us 00:16:43.000 --> 00:16:45.000 as panaceas for deceit, 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:48.000 and they will prove incredibly useful some day. 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:50.000 But you've got to ask yourself in the meantime: 00:16:50.000 --> 00:16:52.000 Who do you want on your side of the meeting, 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:55.000 someone who's trained in getting to the truth 00:16:55.000 --> 00:16:57.000 or some guy who's going to drag a 400-pound electroencephalogram 00:16:57.000 --> 00:16:59.000 through the door? NOTE Paragraph 00:16:59.000 --> 00:17:03.000 Liespotters rely on human tools. 00:17:03.000 --> 00:17:05.000 They know, as someone once said, 00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:07.000 "Character's who you are in the dark." 00:17:07.000 --> 00:17:09.000 And what's kind of interesting 00:17:09.000 --> 00:17:11.000 is that today we have so little darkness. 00:17:11.000 --> 00:17:14.000 Our world is lit up 24 hours a day. 00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:16.000 It's transparent 00:17:16.000 --> 00:17:18.000 with blogs and social networks 00:17:18.000 --> 00:17:20.000 broadcasting the buzz of a whole new generation of people 00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:23.000 that have made a choice to live their lives in public. 00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:27.000 It's a much more noisy world. 00:17:27.000 --> 00:17:29.000 So one challenge we have 00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:31.000 is to remember, 00:17:31.000 --> 00:17:34.000 oversharing, that's not honesty. 00:17:34.000 --> 00:17:36.000 Our manic tweeting and texting 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:38.000 can blind us to the fact 00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:41.000 that the subtleties of human decency -- character integrity -- 00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:44.000 that's still what matters, that's always what's going to matter. 00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:46.000 So in this much noisier world, 00:17:46.000 --> 00:17:48.000 it might make sense for us 00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:50.000 to be just a little bit more explicit 00:17:50.000 --> 00:17:53.000 about our moral code. NOTE Paragraph 00:17:53.000 --> 00:17:55.000 When you combine the science of recognizing deception 00:17:55.000 --> 00:17:57.000 with the art of looking, listening, 00:17:57.000 --> 00:18:00.000 you exempt yourself from collaborating in a lie. 00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:02.000 You start up that path 00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:04.000 of being just a little bit more explicit, 00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:06.000 because you signal to everyone around you, 00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:09.000 you say, "Hey, my world, our world, 00:18:09.000 --> 00:18:11.000 it's going to be an honest one. 00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:13.000 My world is going to be one where truth is strengthened 00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:16.000 and falsehood is recognized and marginalized." 00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:18.000 And when you do that, 00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:21.000 the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit. NOTE Paragraph 00:18:21.000 --> 00:18:24.000 And that's the truth. Thank you. NOTE Paragraph 00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:29.000 (Applause)