... outside of what, uh, seems really comfortable and familiar to you,
and launch out into some real, for you, unknown territory.
And you haven't gone out there,
like you haven't, you know, gotten in proximity to black people as you say,
because you don't have to.
And that's part of what it means to be American to me,
is to have all these things that you can do if you want to,
that you don't have to do if you don't want... don't wanna do,
and there's a way in which American, and white, and human, become synonyms.
That "why can't we just treat each other as human beings?",
to me, when I hear it from a white person,
means "why can't we all just pretend to be white people.?
I'll pretend you're a white person, [laughing] and then you can pretend to be white"
"why don't you eat what i eat?"
"why don't you drink what I drink?"
"why don't you think like I think?"
"why don't you FEEL LIKE I FEEL?"
"GOD DAMMIT I'M SO SICK AND GODDAMNED TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT THAT."
"I'M SICK OF THAT".
That's what it means to be human beings to me,
that's what it means to be white,
that's what it means to be American,
why don't you come the hell over here,
that's what I hear every goddamned day,
and you know that I can't come over there,
you know that this skin,
and that this hair,
and that this way that I talk
and I think
and I feel
will never
ever
get included
because I'm unpalatable to this goddamn nation.
I'm unpalatable.
You cannot swallow me.
You cannot taste me.
You cannot tell me because you don't want to.
You think that you can survive without me,
but you can't, man.
You think, and you think that,
hey it'll all be fine when we just treat each other like human beings.
And what that says to me is: don't be yourself, be like me.
Keep me comfortable,
connect when I'm ready to connect,
come out to my place,
or maybe I'll come down and get some artifacts from your place.
Uh uh.
That is bullshit.
[breathing heavily]
When you say that your ethicity is American,
there is no American ethnicity.
You had to throw away your ethnicity to become American.
That's what it means.
You give up who you are to become American.
And you can pretend that it's ok because you're white.
When we give up who we are to become American,
we know that we're dying from it.
You're dying from it too, but you don't know it necessarily.
Get ethnic, y'know?
Y'know, I'm not gonna trust you until you're as willing to be changed
and affected by my experience,
and transformed by my experience,
as I am every day by yours.
I attended a school for the first time that was predominantly white,
and I had white teachers,
and I walked into the classroom,
and there were 3 reading groups in my 5th grade classroom,
and I was promptly put into the lowest reading group.
And I gathered very quickly
that that was because I'm of African and American descent.
Then they put me in the internediate reading group,
and then they put me into the highest reading group,
and y'know, I just boiled and churned through the whole process
because my reading level was higher than anything they had in the classroom.
I'm always dealing with you.
You don't deal with him,
you don't deal with me,
maybe you had an opportunity to deal with some Latino people,
but we always deal with you, baby.
Always.
Every day.
In the ride up here,
it's like oh man where are we now?
Oh god! I hate being out of the city.
Because I know who's out here... you all.
Or at least I know who's in charge,
even if there's other people out here,
I know who's in charge,
and I don't know anywhere where I can find some safety that I can rely upon.
When I'm out here.
You know, I'm real glad I got to the house before sundown.
[Loren] yeah, it's like shark-infested waters.
[David C] Really?
[Loren] Yes, definitely.
It doesn't have to be said.
It can be felt,
it's... intuitive.
It's... hard to explain to someone who doesn't have to go through it,
but, you know, I've traveled down south,
and y'know... just that feeling...
like you said, you get... you know...
drive through Kentucky and Tennessee
and see the Appalachian mountains up ahead of you,
and know you want to get through those mountains so fast without stopping for anything,
because you don't know if you'll get out.
Driving through Ukiah,
a big pickup was behind me with a gun rack on the back, you know?
I was nervous.
And there was... and I've never been hurt by somebody on the freeway with a gun rack,
you know, that's never happened to me, but the fear is still there.
The fear is still there,
because I know it can happen.
I know it can happen
because it has happened.
Not to me, but to people who look just like me.
Or who don't look just like me.
I've got the fear.
I don't want to stop.
I don't want to be out on a road around here.
I tell ya, it's scary, with the gun racks.
I've done workshops...
[David C] Do you kow what the gun racks are all about?
[Gordon] Can I...
[David C] Sure Gordon.
[Gordon] Because this is my experience.
I don't feel safe with those people.
And that's a stereotype about me,
and people who have gun racks and pickup trucks,
but I've had, I used to do a workshop in this area,
a little further east from here called the Mill Experience,
and I had 7 shotgun holes through the sign that I had out on the road,
and picked up the shells and still got em.
I can't feel what I know Victor feels up here,
but I got a piece of it.
It's just scary.
And I don;t know how to deal with it.
When my father hit Texas, he never stopped,
he went straight through Texas.
We didn't stop,
well we must have stopped for food, I can't believe that,
but I don't remember stopping.
I know we didn't stop to sleep.
I mean, it's like he wanted to get out of that state as fast as he could.
I had no comprehension... and especially from you,
you Latinos,
that you are frightened to come up highway 101.
That is, uh, in my opinion, unfounded.
An unfounded fear and apprehension on your parts.
Unfounded??
There's that word again...
This valley is not hostile to Latinos.
[Loren Moye] How can you say that? You're not Latino?
No, it's not hostile to Latinos.
[David L] Can I just...
[David C] And Victor and Loren here are expressing feelings that
I... I'm afraid that these feelings, there will be no progress, and no change in racism.
The fear of colour will remain
the gap isn't being bridged here.
[Loren] I thought Victor explained that very clearly,
that we ... we've changed, as far as we're gonna change...
Yeah, and you're expecting a change from the white person...
[Loren] Exactly.
And I'm saying to you, you're the same as I am, and you don't believe that.
And I think that that really may be more predominant than you think.
But what about guys like Colin Powell?
[others laughing]
You know... why do you laugh about that?
[Loren] I'm not laughing. I think it's a serious issue.
He did make it, but what did he make?
There are many professors in the California college system that are coloured,
and they're respected and...
[Victor] "Coloured".
Well... what... African American, Chinese, and Latino, what do you want me to do?
Let's lump it all together in one term, coloured.
I'm coloured,
I'm white.
You called me white, and I'm a colour.
[Loren] Let's go back to Colin Powell, Colin Powell's responsible for killing...
This is emotional, and this is totally normal,
and, to be so emotional about this topic.
And I think I feel a lot of frustration here David,
and I think, um, you have to listen to our experiences because they're valid.
I believe that, they are valid for you...
Well I don't think you do, because, let me tell you why I don't think you do.
It souds like, you're bouncing it back to them and saying
"it's your problem, why do you guys act like this? You guys can drive down the street , down highway 101..."
[David C] And I can go into Chinatown...
[David L] No. Listen to me...
[David C] ...and be frightened to death...
[David L] Well, listen to me, part of, I mean, when I drove...
[David C] And I do get frightened...
[David L] You gotta listen to me.
[Yutaka] Breathe.
[David C taking a deep breath]
[David L] When I drive down highway 101, you know, I didn't feel quite comfortable either.
[David C] Really?
[David L] No, but let me tell you my experience, where I'm coming from.
I grew up, I went to highschool in an all-white environment.
I was the only person of colour in my highschool.
I resented being Asian because I wasn't white.
This kind of racism is in place so that people don't even think about it,
it just happens.
I just feel left out.
When I stand in line in a counter to be served, to buy something,
and the white person who comes after me gets served first,
it's not done on purpose,
it's because the person doesn't see me.
I'm invisible to that white person,
to the clerk.
You see?
I'm invisible.
That happens to me.
I was talking to some friends in a restaurant,
got the same thing as you, David,
but they started asking me the order, get their food, to get their food, y'know?
Started ordering and looking up at me.
It's this insidious thing that you deal with daily.
Every day I go to a professional workshop
"oh! Don't I know you? I met you at the last one!"
[laughing]
You know?
Every fuckin' time.
If not once, several times.
Every time, no one recognizes, y'know, we all look alike, right?
And this is a continual thing.
Continual.
Even, y'know, I... took your comment out of naïveté earlier
when you said "well, you don't look Japanese, I'm not sure what you look like, y'know?"
And uh, but, this happens, it's just... in the air that you breathe.
And all these things are... seem like doors to shut you out from something.
What I see from, uh, white people generally,
is that they don't talk about themselves as white people.
They talk about themselves as human beings,
as if it means the same thing.
Now, what I wanna know is what it means to be white.
Not what it means to be a human being,
because we already know that you're a human being,
and we can already relate to the universal human experience.
What is the white experience?
When I, uh, uh, look at you manifesting your white experience,
I also see you not naming it.
I see you want it to blur the distinctions,
between just being a person
and also, most particularly, being a white person,
and what that means.
And I think that part of what it means to be white
is never, it means never having to say you're sorry,
but it also means never having to admit
that to be white means something different than to be a person of colour,
and that there is an experience that you have
that is very different from what the experience of people of colour is.
I'm sure that there were many times that I felt that, uh, people of colour were being mistreated,
probably when I was in my late teens going down to, uh, basically black areas
and seeing the cops around a lot.
We'd go down there and dance,
uh, and see the police around.
But I don't think there was a lot of awareness,
it was more just... a numbess...
I... it doesn't happen to me,
it doesn't happen in my area,
uh, and so... that's somebody else's problem.
I never consider myself as you do,
a part of an ethnic group.
I think that's what you're looking for,
and you're not going to find that among us,
because we don't look at ourselves as an ethnic group.
[Victor] Do you know that that means something?
[David C] I don't know what it means, I mean...
[Victor] I'm telling you that that means something...
[David C] I'm trying to answer your question Victor,
and as you were asking that question, I'm saying, well gosh,
I never considered myself part of a white group.
I just wonder,
doesn't it seem kina deep to you
that you don't have an answer to that question?
That you have no, do you have any notion that
the fact that you have no answer to that could actually
be a source of meaning, experience, or knowledge?
The opposite is how I feel about you, Victor.
That you have no comprehension that the world is open to you.
You think that the white man is a block and a dam to your progress,
and he is not.
I think you put up that dam and that block yourself,
in your regard to the white man.
[Loren] See I think that's one of the major problems with racism.
I think he did answer the question.
As a white man, he doesn't have to think about his position in life,
his place in the world.
The history books tell him, as they are written,
that this world is his.
He doesn't have to think about um you know
where he goes, what he does.
He doesn't have to think like a white person.
The way the world has been set up,
America in particular,
white is, is human.
[Roberto] ... that white is a human being.
[Loren] Right. That's what a human being is.
So he doesn't have to worry
about what, how do I think like a white person.
That does, I...
I don't know, but I would assume that doesn't enter a white person's mind,
because they don't, they don't have to deal with that from day one.
They step into a world that is theirs.
[Hugh] It's a good question...
[some talking over one another]
[Victor] I need to respond to your saying that... that I create uh my own racial predicament
by my thinking and my attitudes?
[David C] You block your progress...
[Victor] I block my own progress?
[David C] By allowing your attitude toward the white man to limit you.
[Victor] I think the police limit me.
I think that white supremacy has placed limitations on where I can go and what I can do.
But I don't think that, that I cause my own predicament under uh white supremacy...
and by white supremacy I don't mean uh Neo Nazis, and I don't mean Klan,
because I'm not...
I'm terrified of those people...