1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,278 There is a new TV show that just came out, 2 00:00:01,278 --> 00:00:02,244 it's called Top Chef, 3 00:00:02,244 --> 00:00:03,264 I don't know if you have seen it. 4 00:00:03,264 --> 00:00:04,285 September 10, 2010. 5 00:00:04,285 --> 00:00:05,764 Cyprien walks quietly in the street. 6 00:00:05,764 --> 00:00:07,720 At the same time an asteroid threatens to crash on the earth. 7 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:08,950 No measure is taken by the leading forces 8 00:00:08,950 --> 00:00:10,762 who hadn't been warned due to an error of inattention. 9 00:00:10,762 --> 00:00:13,237 Fortunately, it degrades in the air and becomes dust 10 00:00:13,237 --> 00:00:15,194 which comes in contact with a piece of Cyprien's oily hair, 11 00:00:15,194 --> 00:00:17,524 and by a molecular reaction that we can't explain now 12 00:00:17,524 --> 00:00:18,967 coupled with a scriptwriting ease, 13 00:00:18,967 --> 00:00:20,054 a time warp is created 14 00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:21,712 propelling Cyprien several years into the past, 15 00:00:21,712 --> 00:00:22,722 and, he will never know it. 16 00:00:23,843 --> 00:00:26,174 I'm suffering from the Top Chef's curse. 17 00:00:26,174 --> 00:00:29,927 That is to say that the evening when I eat the worst crap, 18 00:00:29,927 --> 00:00:32,282 it's the night that Top Chef's on. 19 00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:33,350 What's for dinner ? 20 00:00:33,350 --> 00:00:35,042 Well.. I took all the week's leftovers, put it all in a Tupperware container, 21 00:00:35,042 --> 00:00:36,428 added a little water, put it in the micro-wave, 22 00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:37,674 and here it is, a kind of quiche, 23 00:00:37,674 --> 00:00:38,982 and for the bread, we've got pizza crusts. 24 00:00:40,569 --> 00:00:44,085 30 seconds ! 25 00:00:47,639 --> 00:00:49,964 They do it on purpose ! They know it ! 26 00:00:49,964 --> 00:00:52,410 It's to put us off of not eating well. 27 00:00:52,410 --> 00:00:54,974 Let me eat shit in peace. 28 00:00:54,974 --> 00:00:56,202 There is one disingenuous thing with Top Chef, 29 00:00:56,202 --> 00:00:57,610 from the beginning, the opening credits, 30 00:00:57,610 --> 00:00:59,570 with the head of all candidates, 31 00:00:59,570 --> 00:01:03,630 they should remove the face of people eliminated over the weeks, 32 00:01:03,954 --> 00:01:05,041 it looks obvious ! 33 00:01:05,041 --> 00:01:07,650 Sorry but it's not good, for you the adventure stops here. 34 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,062 Is it possible to remove me from the credits ? 35 00:01:09,062 --> 00:01:10,557 Not at all, no way ! 36 00:01:10,557 --> 00:01:13,702 We will show your face every week to millions of viewers 37 00:01:13,702 --> 00:01:16,174 who will think, "Fuck, I don't remember this guy at all". 38 00:01:16,174 --> 00:01:17,103 Great. 39 00:01:17,103 --> 00:01:18,130 This is Top Chef. 40 00:01:21,292 --> 00:01:25,075 Honestly people who make this show, wow, 41 00:01:25,075 --> 00:01:27,386 well done honestly, first because it's really well paced, 42 00:01:27,386 --> 00:01:31,304 the music ! Have you ever heard the music they put in Top Chef ? 43 00:01:31,304 --> 00:01:34,117 Oh, you're watching Pirates of the Caribbean ? 44 00:01:34,117 --> 00:01:37,641 No I'm watching a guy cuting leeks. 45 00:01:37,641 --> 00:01:39,337 And what happen this year ? 46 00:01:39,337 --> 00:01:40,985 They have changed almost the whole jury ! 47 00:01:41,289 --> 00:01:44,308 Thierry Marx, there is no Thierry Marx anymore, my favorite ! 48 00:01:44,308 --> 00:01:45,951 Well, he left for new projects, 49 00:01:45,951 --> 00:01:49,873 for gastronomic things, culinary, something technical I guess, 50 00:01:49,873 --> 00:01:52,041 which take him a lot of time, that must be the reason. 51 00:01:55,836 --> 00:01:57,835 Lustucru "As a chef", 52 00:01:57,835 --> 00:02:00,879 pasta that make you want to cook, as a chef. 53 00:02:01,669 --> 00:02:05,389 The only remaining jury member is the robot. 54 00:02:06,152 --> 00:02:09,972 What ? Don't try to make me believe 55 00:02:09,972 --> 00:02:12,263 that Jean-François Piège is a human being. 56 00:02:12,263 --> 00:02:15,982 Someone who stands like this naturally, 57 00:02:15,982 --> 00:02:18,612 is, of course, an artificial intelligence. 58 00:02:23,152 --> 00:02:27,212 Excellent cooking, it's my favorite. 59 00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:30,692 And who do they put in the jury ? Who ? 60 00:02:30,704 --> 00:02:32,004 Philippe Etchebest ! 61 00:02:32,381 --> 00:02:35,452 The guy who yells at you non-stop, like this : 62 00:02:35,452 --> 00:02:37,740 Damn, trust yourself ! Where is your creativity ? 63 00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,133 Bring your creativity out ! 64 00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:40,815 If you don't regain control, it will hit you, alright ? 65 00:02:40,815 --> 00:02:42,987 People are lost because he screams, 66 00:02:42,987 --> 00:02:44,125 so they cook shit, so he screams. 67 00:02:44,125 --> 00:02:46,505 Well this is normal to be confused, 68 00:02:46,505 --> 00:02:51,091 in front of someone who has no eyebrows. It's off-putting. 69 00:02:51,091 --> 00:02:52,809 What the hell are you doing ? 70 00:02:52,809 --> 00:02:54,256 Damn ! Where are his eyebrows ? 71 00:02:54,256 --> 00:02:57,034 Did he have them at the beginning of the show ? 72 00:02:57,034 --> 00:02:58,897 Is it contagious ? 73 00:02:58,897 --> 00:03:00,585 Can I lose my eyebrows?! 74 00:03:00,585 --> 00:03:03,606 No lies, every year it's almost the same, 75 00:03:03,606 --> 00:03:05,050 every year tests are the same, 76 00:03:05,050 --> 00:03:07,083 every year they must cook for kids, 77 00:03:07,083 --> 00:03:10,212 every year there is an ass-kisser who decides to cook some fucking vegetables 78 00:03:10,212 --> 00:03:11,985 to impress the jury. 79 00:03:11,985 --> 00:03:13,438 So, for kids, I made them some turnips, 80 00:03:13,438 --> 00:03:15,305 with pickled cabbage, 81 00:03:15,305 --> 00:03:16,612 a medley of forgotten vegetables, 82 00:03:16,612 --> 00:03:18,028 with a sweet-and-sour sauce, 83 00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:19,805 and all together shaped like a fish, 84 00:03:19,805 --> 00:03:21,167 kids love when it's fish-shaped. 85 00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:25,967 Yuck ! It's disgusting ! I wanna die ! I wanna die ! 86 00:03:25,967 --> 00:03:27,309 Really ? 87 00:03:27,309 --> 00:03:28,726 Mom it's really not good ! 88 00:03:28,726 --> 00:03:29,797 I didn't expect it... 89 00:03:29,797 --> 00:03:32,171 Every year, the winner is the one who cooks pasta. 90 00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:33,127 For 6 years now. 91 00:03:33,127 --> 00:03:34,411 The black box's test. 92 00:03:34,411 --> 00:03:35,962 This is crazy. 93 00:03:35,962 --> 00:03:38,503 They must reproduce a dish, that they must taste it, touch it, 94 00:03:38,503 --> 00:03:40,476 in complete darkness. In a giant box. 95 00:03:40,476 --> 00:03:41,865 With infrared cameras. 96 00:03:44,303 --> 00:03:45,846 It's kind of weird in fact. 97 00:03:45,846 --> 00:03:47,585 So, I've tasted everything, 98 00:03:47,585 --> 00:03:49,231 put everything in my mouth, 99 00:03:49,238 --> 00:03:51,132 I think that there is some seafood, 100 00:03:51,132 --> 00:03:54,137 and cheese maybe, a strong cheese. 101 00:03:54,137 --> 00:03:57,602 What is it ? Yet, I licked everywhere. 102 00:03:58,027 --> 00:03:59,546 It'll come back to me. 103 00:03:59,546 --> 00:04:01,960 The horrible moment in this show, it's the final. 104 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,315 The final is embarrassing, 105 00:04:03,315 --> 00:04:05,557 Finalists have to prepare dozens of menus, 106 00:04:05,557 --> 00:04:09,180 with the help of the guys who have been eliminated before. 107 00:04:09,180 --> 00:04:11,421 People told them : "sorry the adventure is over, 108 00:04:11,421 --> 00:04:13,288 you really suck, get lost ! 109 00:04:13,288 --> 00:04:16,153 Oh wait, come back, you will help someone else to win." 110 00:04:16,153 --> 00:04:18,409 So, in front of you, sweet potato gnocchi, 111 00:04:18,409 --> 00:04:19,547 chorizo emulsion, and a foie gras sauce 112 00:04:19,547 --> 00:04:23,201 prepared by, wait... by, I forgot his name, 113 00:04:23,201 --> 00:04:24,402 the guy who was kicked out on the first week, right. 114 00:04:25,603 --> 00:04:27,819 Bon appétit ! 115 00:04:27,819 --> 00:04:30,035 ANTIFREEZE 116 00:04:30,035 --> 00:04:31,983 To find out who won the show, 117 00:04:31,983 --> 00:04:33,859 because there is money to win, 118 00:04:33,859 --> 00:04:35,849 they do a small staging, they go to the finalists, 119 00:04:35,849 --> 00:04:37,512 with all their friends, family and stuff, 120 00:04:37,512 --> 00:04:39,827 they must pull a knife out of its case, 121 00:04:39,827 --> 00:04:42,027 if the blade is orange, they have lost. 122 00:04:42,027 --> 00:04:44,262 Well, maybe I have a twisted mind but 123 00:04:44,262 --> 00:04:46,315 it's basic, survival instincts, 124 00:04:46,315 --> 00:04:47,902 if I tell someone that he has lost, 125 00:04:47,902 --> 00:04:50,261 I don't give him a bladed weapon. 126 00:04:50,261 --> 00:04:51,387 It's your turn ! 127 00:04:51,387 --> 00:04:53,435 Orange blade, you lose. 128 00:04:53,435 --> 00:04:56,087 100.000€ goes to the other finalist, 129 00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:58,091 antifreeze in gnocchi 130 00:04:58,091 --> 00:05:00,083 it hasn't convinced, it was not a very good idea. 131 00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:02,871 Be careful to the seasoning, it lacked salt sometimes, it's right that... 132 00:05:05,391 --> 00:05:08,519 And the red blade ! What does the red blade mean uh ? 133 00:05:12,122 --> 00:05:13,365 It lacks salt. 134 00:05:13,510 --> 00:05:15,507 Be careful to the seasoning. 135 00:05:15,507 --> 00:05:16,774 It's important. 136 00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:18,272 Well, Top Chef hasn't change my life, 137 00:05:18,272 --> 00:05:20,204 I always eat the same thing unfortunately, 138 00:05:20,204 --> 00:05:22,484 yes, there is a small difference. 139 00:05:22,484 --> 00:05:24,509 Before I was cooking like this, 140 00:05:26,089 --> 00:05:29,079 now, like this. 141 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,525 I still eat shit, 142 00:05:30,525 --> 00:05:32,903 but it's stylish. 143 00:05:34,313 --> 00:05:36,460 Subscribe.