WEBVTT 00:00:08.938 --> 00:00:10.969 Good Morning, Gawker. 00:00:10.969 --> 00:00:16.499 I’m not sure if I would have started a secret sex blog if I hadn’t already been working at Gawker. 00:00:16.499 --> 00:00:24.217 It’s one of the most popular blogs in the country. And while I may not be a household name, I have a bit of a following online. 00:00:24.217 --> 00:00:31.855 And since part of my job is digging up secrets on everybody else, I’d been having trouble writing at work now that I had my own secrets to protect. 00:00:32.332 --> 00:00:42.058 When it’s your job to surf the web all day, it’s really easy to get distracted. Like, did you have any idea how many straight men there are in New York looking for gay sex? 00:00:42.058 --> 00:00:51.809 How straight can you be if you’re looking for dick? On the other hand, it’s not hard to imagine a straight guy appreciating the occasional “bro-job.” 00:00:51.809 --> 00:00:58.155 Especially in a city filled with well-dressed, gym-toned, open-minded men. 00:01:04.233 --> 00:01:06.674 (KNOCK, KNOCK) 00:01:06.674 --> 00:01:08.064 Hey you busy? 00:01:08.064 --> 00:01:09.344 I’m all yours. 00:01:09.344 --> 00:01:10.188 Pound it! 00:01:10.188 --> 00:01:11.321 Pounded. 00:01:11.691 --> 00:01:15.470 Dude, Karen is wearing my dick out hardcore. 00:01:15.470 --> 00:01:17.568 What’s she into now? 00:01:17.568 --> 00:01:19.420 Sex in public. 00:01:19.420 --> 00:01:21.284 What, like, in the bushes in Central Park? 00:01:21.284 --> 00:01:23.421 No that’s what you people do! 00:01:23.421 --> 00:01:24.932 Who are you callin’ “you people?” 00:01:25.117 --> 00:01:25.118 (LAUGHTER) 00:01:25.593 --> 00:01:29.376 No, like she had me finger her in the middle of Cozy Soup and Burger. 00:01:29.376 --> 00:01:31.241 Did she take your dick out too? 00:01:31.241 --> 00:01:37.877 No not there. But if you go to a Starbucks anywhere below 23rd St, there’s an 85 percent chance that the bathroom wall is covered in my swimmers. 00:01:37.877 --> 00:01:39.677 God you’re having sex like a gay guy. 00:01:39.749 --> 00:01:41.742 If I was gay I wouldn’t have to keep buying her Louboutins. 00:01:41.742 --> 00:01:43.777 Actually it depends on the gay guy. 00:01:43.777 --> 00:01:46.542 What about you? You been to any sex parties lately? 00:01:46.542 --> 00:01:48.608 Unfortunately no. 00:01:48.608 --> 00:01:51.943 There needs to be like, a sex party for straight guys. 00:01:51.943 --> 00:01:52.607 Isn’t there? 00:01:52.648 --> 00:01:59.256 No there’s swinger parties and weird fetish stuff... I just want a room full of juicy chicks ready to go. 00:01:59.256 --> 00:02:00.277 Basically like a harem? 00:02:00.277 --> 00:02:06.175 Yeah. Listen, shit, I forgot why I was gonna come in here - you need to find something amazing to post because your numbers are down. 00:02:06.301 --> 00:02:07.942 Really? Oh shit. 00:02:07.947 --> 00:02:10.407 Just put your thinking cap on. I’m just telling you before your boss does. 00:02:10.407 --> 00:02:12.909 Thanks for the tip. It’s been a slow news week. 00:02:12.909 --> 00:02:16.710 Hey I know you’ll sort it. See ya. 00:02:16.710 --> 00:02:25.010 00:02:25.010 --> 00:02:27.342 Oh please. It’ll never happen. 00:02:27.342 --> 00:02:34.742 He comes in every day to talk about sex. Did you see that New York Times article? Guys’ sexuality is way more fluid now than it ever was. 00:02:34.758 --> 00:02:40.177 The internet just makes it easier for closeted guys to get sex. And Hot Sales Guy gets so much pussy what does he need you for? 00:02:40.198 --> 00:02:44.676 Girls aren’t as understanding about lunchtime quickies. Besides, he always wants to hear about my sex life too. 00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:46.409 Straight men love to compete. 00:02:46.419 --> 00:02:47.976 I think he’s telling me I should make a move on him. 00:02:47.976 --> 00:02:48.972 You’re insane. 00:02:49.243 --> 00:02:52.777 Okay how come every time he comes into my office he says something sexual like “pound it”. 00:02:52.976 --> 00:02:55.109 About his fist? 00:02:55.309 --> 00:02:57.076 It’s like he’s saying pound my ass. 00:02:57.128 --> 00:02:59.042 You’re such a gay cliche. 00:02:59.442 --> 00:03:01.109 You would be too if you saw what he looked like. 00:03:01.347 --> 00:03:04.348 Oh okay, so you remember that dude Carter I told you about? 00:03:04.409 --> 00:03:06.626 Was this the one with the birthmark that looked like Dolly Parton? 00:03:06.626 --> 00:03:07.870 No, Carter is the one with the big low hangers. 00:03:08.085 --> 00:03:11.162 Ahhh yeah. What about him? 00:03:11.215 --> 00:03:17.070 So we’ve hooked up twice but he never texts me back. Yet every time I see him he’s super funny and sweet. So I asked him out to dinner- 00:03:17.070 --> 00:03:17.814 You? 00:03:17.814 --> 00:03:19.586 Yeah. I know. And he said yes. 00:03:19.586 --> 00:03:20.363 And? 00:03:20.363 --> 00:03:26.145 Well that was Thursday and he hasn’t called me back. So how do I play this now? Do I call him again, or do I just text him? 00:03:26.145 --> 00:03:32.407 Oh shit he just came online. Should I just IM him? I, fuck, I am so bad at this game. 00:03:32.407 --> 00:03:33.795 Link me. 00:03:36.795 --> 00:03:38.059 Oh, he's cute. 00:03:38.059 --> 00:03:39.755 Yeah. 00:03:40.709 --> 00:03:42.112 Oh holy shit! 00:03:42.112 --> 00:03:43.424 What? 00:03:43.424 --> 00:03:45.450 Did you see the pictures of him on the yacht? 00:03:45.450 --> 00:03:47.165 Yeah, so 00:03:47.165 --> 00:03:49.524 Dude, he’s on a yacht with Larry Heller. 00:03:49.524 --> 00:03:50.699 The billionaire? 00:03:50.699 --> 00:03:57.820 The closeted billionaire media mogul. Look all these pictures are from last week. Your crush must be his new boytoy. 00:03:57.820 --> 00:03:59.954 How am I supposed to compete with that. Fuck! 00:03:59.954 --> 00:04:01.556 Why would you want to? 00:04:01.556 --> 00:04:05.077 Does that mean he’s only attracted to ugly old men? No wonder he likes me. 00:04:05.077 --> 00:04:07.003 Nick don’t have a meltdown. Just forget him. 00:04:07.003 --> 00:04:09.241 It’s fine. It’s done. Whatever, I’m over it. 00:04:09.241 --> 00:04:10.197 Nick... 00:04:10.197 --> 00:04:11.245 (PHONE RINGS) 00:04:11.245 --> 00:04:12.605 I gotta go. 00:04:17.575 --> 00:04:28.930 I felt bad doing this to Nick, but I needed a story. And this was exactly the kind of story that made me good at my day job -- salacious gossip. 00:04:39.601 --> 00:04:41.934 Oh my god Alex this story is amazing. 00:04:41.934 --> 00:04:43.292 Hilarious! 00:04:43.292 --> 00:04:44.852 All in a day’s work. 00:04:44.852 --> 00:04:46.663 You’re the master! 00:04:48.261 --> 00:04:49.705 (Knock, Knock) 00:04:52.770 --> 00:04:52.078 Dude. Amazing. 00:04:53.163 --> 00:04:54.328 Thanks. 00:04:54.328 --> 00:04:58.030 Everybody’s flipping over this. Your clicks just jumped hardcore within 15 minutes of you posting that. It’s Awesome. 00:04:59.227 --> 00:05:02.594 Thanks. Hey, you uh, wanna grab a drink after work to celebrate? 00:05:02.594 --> 00:05:08.296 Can’t. Karen and I are eating out again tonight. Raincheck? 00:05:08.296 --> 00:05:09.859 Sure. 00:05:09.859 --> 00:05:11.963 Alright. Later. 00:05:13.194 --> 00:05:15.048 (PHONE RINGS) 00:05:15.048 --> 00:05:15.609 Hello? 00:05:15.609 --> 00:05:17.175 What the fuck is wrong with you? 00:05:17.175 --> 00:05:18.342 What? 00:05:18.342 --> 00:05:20.075 How could you post those pictures of Carter? 00:05:20.075 --> 00:05:21.875 Uhhhh, I thought you’d like it. 00:05:21.875 --> 00:05:28.809 Why would I like it? You published photos of my crush for the whole world to see that make him look like a prostitute. You’ve ruined my chances forever! 00:05:28.809 --> 00:05:32.809 He’ll never trace it back to you. Besides, how are you even still interested in that loser? 00:05:32.809 --> 00:05:38.041 He’ll know. Fuck. Alex. This is so unscrupulous. Don’t you have any restraint when you’re blogging? 00:05:38.041 --> 00:05:44.343 Okay you know what’s unscrupulous -saying yes to a date and then blowing him off for some Mediterranean Meth Party. I was trying to have your back. 00:05:44.343 --> 00:05:47.945 You were trying to get your scoop. I’m going to call Carter and apologize. 00:05:47.945 --> 00:05:50.942 You don’t need to be with some guy who’s hooking up with closeted married dudes. 00:05:50.942 --> 00:05:54.676 Says the guy who calls me to talk about stealing his straight co-worker away from his girlfriend! 00:05:54.676 --> 00:06:01.476 There’s a difference between a straight guy who enjoys the occasional BJ and a closeted billionaire who takes boys on vacation. 00:06:01.476 --> 00:06:05.100 I don’t see the difference. They’re both fucking liars. 00:06:05.970 --> 00:06:12.787 Maybe Nick was right. All of the lines in my head had gotten blurred and I needed to get out of the office and unplug from my online fantasies. 00:06:12.787 --> 00:06:16.454 (Phone rings) 00:06:16.454 --> 00:06:18.321 Hello? 00:06:18.321 --> 00:06:19.787 Oh, Alex? 00:06:19.787 --> 00:06:21.321 Yeah? 00:06:21.321 --> 00:06:23.686 It’s Lenny. 00:06:23.686 --> 00:06:25.921 Ohhhh, hi Lenny. 00:06:25.921 --> 00:06:27.689 I thought I’d get your voicemail. 00:06:27.689 --> 00:06:29.473 Oh so you were hoping not to talk to me? 00:06:29.796 --> 00:06:38.122 (laughs) No. It’s been a crazy week and this was the first chance I got to call. And I thought a guy like you would probably be out on a night like this. 00:06:38.122 --> 00:06:42.022 Well it is pretty early. But I’m glad you called. 00:06:43.560 --> 00:06:47.898 Hey have you got time this week to squeeze me in for dinner? 00:06:47.898 --> 00:06:47.898 Yeah I think I can make that work. 00:06:48.426 --> 00:06:48.434 It’s a date then. 00:06:54.080 --> 00:06:54.800 (MUSIC UP) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Even if it’s just a fantasy, a hot guy is just hot to look at. If they’re going to spend that much time at the gym, I’m going to appreciate it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Most straight guys don’t even see other men in a room. So you can stare as much as you want and they don’t even notice. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But when they clock your gaze, when you know that they know that you’re looking at them, they get self-conscious and kiss their girlfriends. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Or you’ve got something else entirely on your hands. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Fuck it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I have to make this really quick. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No, take yours out. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Moans) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Fuck. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Don’t come out of here for like five minutes, okay? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh my god! Seriously? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Seriously. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So hot! I’m so jealous. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What? I thought you were all against my straight guy lovin? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Well that just landed in your lap so to speak. That might be the hottest story you’ve ever had. You really should write this shit. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Well. Actually -- 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So I called Carter. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Was he pissed? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He was. Will you not write this please? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I won’t. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He thought it was pretty cool that I called. He doesn’t like the way he gets treated by people because of his looks... he had a fight with Larry about it on the yacht. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Go Nick! So you guys talked for a while? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He said I was the first person to be so straightforward and honest with him since he moved to New York. And he wants to get dinner for reals. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Wow. I am sorry. You know, I was acting selfishly. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You were. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Okay in my defense though, I really didn’t think Carter was good for you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He’s a really good guy. He just comes off a little insecure. And he’s really fucking hot. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Laughter) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So how do you want to thank me for getting Carter to go out with you? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh fuck off! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (MUSIC UP) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I finally figured it out. Straight and gay don’t matter as long you’re hot. As long as that lasts you can do whatever you want.