1 00:00:08,938 --> 00:00:10,969 Good Morning, Gawker. 2 00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:16,499 I’m not sure if I would have started a secret sex blog if I hadn’t already been working at Gawker. 3 00:00:16,499 --> 00:00:24,217 It’s one of the most popular blogs in the country. And while I may not be a household name, I have a bit of a following online. 4 00:00:24,217 --> 00:00:31,855 And since part of my job is digging up secrets on everybody else, I’d been having trouble writing at work now that I had my own secrets to protect. 5 00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:42,058 When it’s your job to surf the web all day, it’s really easy to get distracted. Like, did you have any idea how many straight men there are in New York looking for gay sex? 6 00:00:42,058 --> 00:00:51,809 How straight can you be if you’re looking for dick? On the other hand, it’s not hard to imagine a straight guy appreciating the occasional “bro-job.” 7 00:00:51,809 --> 00:00:58,155 Especially in a city filled with well-dressed, gym-toned, open-minded men. 8 00:01:04,233 --> 00:01:06,674 (KNOCK, KNOCK) 9 00:01:06,674 --> 00:01:08,064 Hey you busy? 10 00:01:08,064 --> 00:01:09,344 I’m all yours. 11 00:01:09,344 --> 00:01:10,188 Pound it! 12 00:01:10,188 --> 00:01:11,321 Pounded. 13 00:01:11,691 --> 00:01:15,470 Dude, Karen is wearing my dick out hardcore. 14 00:01:15,470 --> 00:01:17,568 What’s she into now? 15 00:01:17,568 --> 00:01:19,420 Sex in public. 16 00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:21,284 What, like, in the bushes in Central Park? 17 00:01:21,284 --> 00:01:23,421 No that’s what you people do! 18 00:01:23,421 --> 00:01:24,932 Who are you callin’ “you people?” 19 00:01:25,117 --> 00:01:25,118 (LAUGHTER) 20 00:01:25,593 --> 00:01:29,376 No, like she had me finger her in the middle of Cozy Soup and Burger. 21 00:01:29,376 --> 00:01:31,241 Did she take your dick out too? 22 00:01:31,241 --> 00:01:37,877 No not there. But if you go to a Starbucks anywhere below 23rd St, there’s an 85 percent chance that the bathroom wall is covered in my swimmers. 23 00:01:37,877 --> 00:01:39,677 God you’re having sex like a gay guy. 24 00:01:39,749 --> 00:01:41,742 If I was gay I wouldn’t have to keep buying her Louboutins. 25 00:01:41,742 --> 00:01:43,777 Actually it depends on the gay guy. 26 00:01:43,777 --> 00:01:46,542 What about you? You been to any sex parties lately? 27 00:01:46,542 --> 00:01:48,608 Unfortunately no. 28 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,943 There needs to be like, a sex party for straight guys. 29 00:01:51,943 --> 00:01:52,607 Isn’t there? 30 00:01:52,648 --> 00:01:59,256 No there’s swinger parties and weird fetish stuff... I just want a room full of juicy chicks ready to go. 31 00:01:59,256 --> 00:02:00,277 Basically like a harem? 32 00:02:00,277 --> 00:02:06,175 Yeah. Listen, shit, I forgot why I was gonna come in here - you need to find something amazing to post because your numbers are down. 33 00:02:06,301 --> 00:02:07,942 Really? Oh shit. 34 00:02:07,947 --> 00:02:10,407 Just put your thinking cap on. I’m just telling you before your boss does. 35 00:02:10,407 --> 00:02:12,909 Thanks for the tip. It’s been a slow news week. 36 00:02:12,909 --> 00:02:16,710 Hey I know you’ll sort it. See ya. 37 00:02:16,710 --> 00:02:25,010 38 00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:27,342 Oh please. It’ll never happen. 39 00:02:27,342 --> 00:02:34,742 He comes in every day to talk about sex. Did you see that New York Times article? Guys’ sexuality is way more fluid now than it ever was. 40 00:02:34,758 --> 00:02:40,177 The internet just makes it easier for closeted guys to get sex. And Hot Sales Guy gets so much pussy what does he need you for? 41 00:02:40,198 --> 00:02:44,676 Girls aren’t as understanding about lunchtime quickies. Besides, he always wants to hear about my sex life too. 42 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,409 Straight men love to compete. 43 00:02:46,419 --> 00:02:47,976 I think he’s telling me I should make a move on him. 44 00:02:47,976 --> 00:02:48,972 You’re insane. 45 00:02:49,243 --> 00:02:52,777 Okay how come every time he comes into my office he says something sexual like “pound it”. 46 00:02:52,976 --> 00:02:55,109 About his fist? 47 00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:57,076 It’s like he’s saying pound my ass. 48 00:02:57,128 --> 00:02:59,042 You’re such a gay cliche. 49 00:02:59,442 --> 00:03:01,109 You would be too if you saw what he looked like. 50 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:04,348 Oh okay, so you remember that dude Carter I told you about? 51 00:03:04,409 --> 00:03:06,626 Was this the one with the birthmark that looked like Dolly Parton? 52 00:03:06,626 --> 00:03:07,870 No, Carter is the one with the big low hangers. 53 00:03:08,085 --> 00:03:11,162 Ahhh yeah. What about him? 54 00:03:11,215 --> 00:03:17,070 So we’ve hooked up twice but he never texts me back. Yet every time I see him he’s super funny and sweet. So I asked him out to dinner- 55 00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:17,814 You? 56 00:03:17,814 --> 00:03:19,586 Yeah. I know. And he said yes. 57 00:03:19,586 --> 00:03:20,363 And? 58 00:03:20,363 --> 00:03:26,145 Well that was Thursday and he hasn’t called me back. So how do I play this now? Do I call him again, or do I just text him? 59 00:03:26,145 --> 00:03:32,407 Oh shit he just came online. Should I just IM him? I, fuck, I am so bad at this game. 60 00:03:32,407 --> 00:03:33,795 Link me. 61 00:03:36,795 --> 00:03:38,059 Oh, he's cute. 62 00:03:38,059 --> 00:03:39,755 Yeah. 63 00:03:40,709 --> 00:03:42,112 Oh holy shit! 64 00:03:42,112 --> 00:03:43,424 What? 65 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,450 Did you see the pictures of him on the yacht? 66 00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:47,165 Yeah, so 67 00:03:47,165 --> 00:03:49,524 Dude, he’s on a yacht with Larry Heller. 68 00:03:49,524 --> 00:03:50,699 The billionaire? 69 00:03:50,699 --> 00:03:57,820 The closeted billionaire media mogul. Look all these pictures are from last week. Your crush must be his new boytoy. 70 00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,954 How am I supposed to compete with that. Fuck! 71 00:03:59,954 --> 00:04:01,556 Why would you want to? 72 00:04:01,556 --> 00:04:05,077 Does that mean he’s only attracted to ugly old men? No wonder he likes me. 73 00:04:05,077 --> 00:04:07,003 Nick don’t have a meltdown. Just forget him. 74 00:04:07,003 --> 00:04:09,241 It’s fine. It’s done. Whatever, I’m over it. 75 00:04:09,241 --> 00:04:10,197 Nick... 76 00:04:10,197 --> 00:04:11,245 (PHONE RINGS) 77 00:04:11,245 --> 00:04:12,605 I gotta go. 78 00:04:17,575 --> 00:04:28,930 I felt bad doing this to Nick, but I needed a story. And this was exactly the kind of story that made me good at my day job -- salacious gossip. 79 00:04:39,601 --> 00:04:41,934 Oh my god Alex this story is amazing. 80 00:04:41,934 --> 00:04:43,292 Hilarious! 81 00:04:43,292 --> 00:04:44,852 All in a day’s work. 82 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,663 You’re the master! 83 00:04:48,261 --> 00:04:49,705 (Knock, Knock) 84 00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:52,078 Dude. Amazing. 85 00:04:53,163 --> 00:04:54,328 Thanks. 86 00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:58,030 Everybody’s flipping over this. Your clicks just jumped hardcore within 15 minutes of you posting that. It’s Awesome. 87 00:04:59,227 --> 00:05:02,594 Thanks. Hey, you uh, wanna grab a drink after work to celebrate? 88 00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:08,296 Can’t. Karen and I are eating out again tonight. Raincheck? 89 00:05:08,296 --> 00:05:09,859 Sure. 90 00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:11,963 Alright. Later. 91 00:05:13,194 --> 00:05:15,048 (PHONE RINGS) 92 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:15,609 Hello? 93 00:05:15,609 --> 00:05:17,175 What the fuck is wrong with you? 94 00:05:17,175 --> 00:05:18,342 What? 95 00:05:18,342 --> 00:05:20,075 How could you post those pictures of Carter? 96 00:05:20,075 --> 00:05:21,875 Uhhhh, I thought you’d like it. 97 00:05:21,875 --> 00:05:28,809 Why would I like it? You published photos of my crush for the whole world to see that make him look like a prostitute. You’ve ruined my chances forever! 98 00:05:28,809 --> 00:05:32,809 He’ll never trace it back to you. Besides, how are you even still interested in that loser? 99 00:05:32,809 --> 00:05:38,041 He’ll know. Fuck. Alex. This is so unscrupulous. Don’t you have any restraint when you’re blogging? 100 00:05:38,041 --> 00:05:44,343 Okay you know what’s unscrupulous -saying yes to a date and then blowing him off for some Mediterranean Meth Party. I was trying to have your back. 101 00:05:44,343 --> 00:05:47,945 You were trying to get your scoop. I’m going to call Carter and apologize. 102 00:05:47,945 --> 00:05:50,942 You don’t need to be with some guy who’s hooking up with closeted married dudes. 103 00:05:50,942 --> 00:05:54,676 Says the guy who calls me to talk about stealing his straight co-worker away from his girlfriend! 104 00:05:54,676 --> 00:06:01,476 There’s a difference between a straight guy who enjoys the occasional BJ and a closeted billionaire who takes boys on vacation. 105 00:06:01,476 --> 00:06:05,100 I don’t see the difference. They’re both fucking liars. 106 00:06:05,970 --> 00:06:12,787 Maybe Nick was right. All of the lines in my head had gotten blurred and I needed to get out of the office and unplug from my online fantasies. 107 00:06:12,787 --> 00:06:16,454 (Phone rings) 108 00:06:16,454 --> 00:06:18,321 Hello? 109 00:06:18,321 --> 00:06:19,787 Oh, Alex? 110 00:06:19,787 --> 00:06:21,321 Yeah? 111 00:06:21,321 --> 00:06:23,686 It’s Lenny. 112 00:06:23,686 --> 00:06:25,921 Ohhhh, hi Lenny. 113 00:06:25,921 --> 00:06:27,689 I thought I’d get your voicemail. 114 00:06:27,689 --> 00:06:29,473 Oh so you were hoping not to talk to me? 115 00:06:29,796 --> 00:06:38,122 (laughs) No. It’s been a crazy week and this was the first chance I got to call. And I thought a guy like you would probably be out on a night like this. 116 00:06:38,122 --> 00:06:42,022 Well it is pretty early. But I’m glad you called. 117 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:47,898 Hey have you got time this week to squeeze me in for dinner? 118 00:06:47,898 --> 00:06:47,898 Yeah I think I can make that work. 119 00:06:48,426 --> 00:06:48,434 It’s a date then. 120 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:54,800 (MUSIC UP) 121 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Even if it’s just a fantasy, a hot guy is just hot to look at. If they’re going to spend that much time at the gym, I’m going to appreciate it. 122 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Most straight guys don’t even see other men in a room. So you can stare as much as you want and they don’t even notice. 123 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 But when they clock your gaze, when you know that they know that you’re looking at them, they get self-conscious and kiss their girlfriends. 124 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Or you’ve got something else entirely on your hands. 125 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Fuck it. 126 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 I have to make this really quick. 127 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 No, take yours out. 128 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 (Moans) 129 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Fuck. 130 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Don’t come out of here for like five minutes, okay? 131 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Oh my god! Seriously? 132 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Seriously. 133 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 So hot! I’m so jealous. 134 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 What? I thought you were all against my straight guy lovin? 135 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Well that just landed in your lap so to speak. That might be the hottest story you’ve ever had. You really should write this shit. 136 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Well. Actually -- 137 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 So I called Carter. 138 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Was he pissed? 139 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 He was. Will you not write this please? 140 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 I won’t. 141 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 He thought it was pretty cool that I called. He doesn’t like the way he gets treated by people because of his looks... he had a fight with Larry about it on the yacht. 142 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Go Nick! So you guys talked for a while? 143 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 He said I was the first person to be so straightforward and honest with him since he moved to New York. And he wants to get dinner for reals. 144 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Wow. I am sorry. You know, I was acting selfishly. 145 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 You were. 146 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Okay in my defense though, I really didn’t think Carter was good for you. 147 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 He’s a really good guy. He just comes off a little insecure. And he’s really fucking hot. 148 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 (Laughter) 149 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 So how do you want to thank me for getting Carter to go out with you? 150 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 Oh fuck off! 151 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 (MUSIC UP) 152 99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999 I finally figured it out. Straight and gay don’t matter as long you’re hot. As long as that lasts you can do whatever you want.