WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.686 Here we have the light switch, we have both on for testing. 00:00:03.686 --> 00:00:05.322 One off for conservation. 00:00:05.382 --> 00:00:07.683 Both off for hangovers. 00:00:07.725 --> 00:00:09.108 Over here we have the thermostat. 00:00:09.108 --> 00:00:14.360 It's ironic because the thermostat runs on electricity, and the AC doesn't run at all. 00:00:14.370 --> 00:00:17.473 For the AC you have to turn this knob to get it working. 00:00:17.473 --> 00:00:18.755 It's on a timer. 00:00:18.845 --> 00:00:22.458 That way, every four hours you get to experience menopause. 00:00:22.458 --> 00:00:23.801 Here is our projector. 00:00:23.880 --> 00:00:29.207 It has a filter that has never been cleaned, and a bulb that will always work until your first evaluation. 00:00:29.263 --> 00:00:30.921 Don't physically touch the projector. 00:00:30.921 --> 00:00:32.728 It has an alarm system. 00:00:32.768 --> 00:00:37.975 You know, because everybody wants to steal a 240P Hiatachi from 2002. 00:00:38.400 --> 00:00:40.336 This is the intercom system. 00:00:40.336 --> 00:00:44.773 Inside that box is a can with yarn attached that runs to the front office. 00:00:44.829 --> 00:00:46.739 At least, that's what it sounds like. 00:00:46.783 --> 00:00:47.794 This is my printer. 00:00:47.794 --> 00:00:50.805 You may say, "Why is it not plugged in"? 00:00:50.931 --> 00:00:54.321 That's because other teachers have no idea which room number they're in 00:00:54.321 --> 00:00:59.215 and decide to randomly print the manual to the Space Station throughout the day. 00:00:59.215 --> 00:01:04.748 I found it far easier to just spend the last five years training with monks in the art of calligraphy. 00:01:04.748 --> 00:01:09.285 That way I can copy worksheets down by hand and they look the same as they do online. 00:01:09.308 --> 00:01:11.768 This is hand-drawn. 00:01:12.296 --> 00:01:13.484 Then there's this. 00:01:13.585 --> 00:01:17.154 This does nothing at all... don't even bother. 00:01:17.224 --> 00:01:18.825 Nothing will happen. 00:01:18.837 --> 00:01:21.118 This is the remote that turns on your projector. 00:01:21.118 --> 00:01:26.129 Sounds easy enough but most likely the batteries have been stolen out of the back of it by a student. 00:01:26.224 --> 00:01:30.060 And there's a good change a janitor swapped out one of the remotes during the summer 00:01:30.060 --> 00:01:33.256 so you're probably turning on the projector six classes over. 00:01:33.412 --> 00:01:34.916 Here is an actual phone. 00:01:34.916 --> 00:01:37.979 A lot of teachers prefer to use their cell phone, but not me. 00:01:37.979 --> 00:01:42.101 I just don't get the same satisfaction out of a rage hang-up. 00:01:42.281 --> 00:01:46.298 Also, it's worth noting that giving the parents your actual phone number 00:01:46.298 --> 00:01:50.229 is like installing a screen door on the lion enclosure at the zoo. 00:01:50.249 --> 00:01:52.917 Here we have a microphone that goes around your neck . 00:01:52.917 --> 00:01:57.789 My students use the sound of my labored breathing to remind me of how out of shape I am. 00:01:57.953 --> 00:02:00.983 I prefer not to use this, because when I sit alone at my desk, 00:02:00.983 --> 00:02:04.397 whatever comes out of those speakers will definitely get me fired. 00:02:04.444 --> 00:02:06.494 No one really knows what the rest of this stuff does, 00:02:06.494 --> 00:02:11.286 we just know that the county spent $9000 on it and will never, ever replace it. 00:02:11.296 --> 00:02:13.669 These are the emergency power flood lights. 00:02:13.669 --> 00:02:18.428 They are great for if the power ever goes out during your 2am 3rd grade art class. 00:02:18.627 --> 00:02:21.223 In the hallways, they work as a hearing exam, 00:02:21.223 --> 00:02:25.420 because one of them is always beeping and you never know which one it is. 00:02:25.500 --> 00:02:28.068 This is the pull-down screen for your projector. 00:02:28.068 --> 00:02:35.110 And this is the whiteboard that you will inevitably show everything on anyways because the pull-down screen never locks. 00:02:35.182 --> 00:02:41.210 This is the electrical outlet in all of your rooms that apparently was cut out by Jack Torrance. 00:02:41.405 --> 00:02:43.444 Notice the hole. 00:02:43.444 --> 00:02:45.343 Notice the gaping hole on the side. 00:02:45.343 --> 00:02:51.263 This helps with the self cleaning of your room when the rats come in the middle of the night and take out all the food. 00:02:51.378 --> 00:02:53.267 No one really knows what these are.... 00:02:53.267 --> 00:02:56.041 They might be the printer, might be the internet. 00:02:56.041 --> 00:03:00.889 We do know one thing though: Whatever you need it to be... it's not that.