0:00:00.000,0:00:03.686
Here we have the light switch, we have both on for testing.

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One off for conservation.

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Both off for hangovers.

0:00:07.725,0:00:09.108
Over here we have the thermostat.

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It's ironic because the thermostat runs on electricity, and the AC doesn't run at all.

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For the AC you have to turn this knob to get it working.

0:00:17.473,0:00:18.755
It's on a timer.

0:00:18.845,0:00:22.458
That way, every four hours you get to experience menopause.

0:00:22.458,0:00:23.801
Here is our projector.

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It has a filter that has never been cleaned, and a bulb [br]that will always work until your first evaluation.

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Don't physically touch the projector.

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It has an alarm system.

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You know, because everybody wants to steal a 240P Hiatachi from 2002.

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This is the intercom system.

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Inside that box is a can with yarn attached that runs to the front office.

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At least, that's what it sounds like.

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This is my printer.

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You may say, "Why is it not plugged in"?

0:00:50.931,0:00:54.321
That's because other teachers have no idea which room number they're in

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and decide to randomly print the manual to the Space Station throughout the day.

0:00:59.215,0:01:04.748
I found it far easier to just spend the last five years [br]training with monks in the art of calligraphy.

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That way I can copy worksheets down by hand and they look the same as they do online.

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This is hand-drawn.

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Then there's this.

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This does nothing at all... don't even bother.

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Nothing will happen.

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This is the remote that turns on your projector.

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Sounds easy enough but most likely the batteries have been [br]stolen out of the back of it by a student.

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And there's a good change a janitor swapped out one of the remotes during the summer

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so you're probably turning on the projector six classes over.

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Here is an actual phone.

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A lot of teachers prefer to use their cell phone, but not me.

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I just don't get the same satisfaction out of a rage hang-up.

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Also, it's worth noting that giving the parents your actual phone number

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is like installing a screen door on the lion enclosure at the zoo.

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Here we have a microphone that goes around your neck .

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My students use the sound of my labored breathing to remind me of how out of shape I am.

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I prefer not to use this, because when I sit alone at my desk,

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whatever comes out of those speakers will definitely get me fired.

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No one really knows what the rest of this stuff does,

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we just know that the county spent $9000 on it and will never, ever replace it.

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These are the emergency power flood lights.

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They are great for if the power ever goes out during your 2am 3rd grade art class.

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In the hallways, they work as a hearing exam,

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because one of them is always beeping and you never know which one it is.

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This is the pull-down screen for your projector.

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And this is the whiteboard that you will inevitably show[br]everything on anyways because the pull-down screen never locks.

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This is the electrical outlet in all of your rooms that apparently was cut out by Jack Torrance.

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Notice the hole.

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Notice the gaping hole on the side.

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This helps with the self cleaning of your room when the rats [br]come in the middle of the night and take out all the food.

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No one really knows what these are....

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They might be the printer, might be the internet.

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We do know one thing though: Whatever you need it to be... it's not that.