WEBVTT

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Remember that time
when as a child you drew a picture

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and then you'd show your picture
to your parents or caregivers,

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looking for appraisal or approval?


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I never got that from my mother.

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Every single time I showed her my drawing,

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“Look what I did, mom!
What do you think? Do you like it?"

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She would look at my drawing,

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then look at me and reply with a question,

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“What do you think? Do you like it?”

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It doesn’t matter what I think,

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what’s more important
is what you think about it.

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Back then I was kind of mad at her

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because I thought
that was some kind of test,

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but now I know.

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She was trying to help me
build confidence in myself,

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help me answer questions like,

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"What do I think? What do I like?
Do I like myself? Who am I?"

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I have been asked this question,
“Who do you think you are?”

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many times in my life,

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from people with good
and not so good intentions.

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And every single time
I felt absolutely terrified.

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There was a part in me really scared.

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When I finally looked at that fear,

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I saw a scared little girl
trying to figure things out.

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Then I started communicating
with that girl.

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What I found is that in talking
with that little girl in me,

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I gained confidence in myself.

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The ride was bumpy but totally worth it.

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The story begins in college.

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One night we were partying
with my friends at the beach,

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singing and playing music
around a bonfire.

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A friend of mine was playing the mandolin.

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She was playing
with such a grace, I was in awe.

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She invited me to join her,

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but I didn’t play any
musical instruments at that time.

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But that night, I promised
to myself to learn lyra,

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a musical instrument from Crete, Greece.

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The moment I said that out loud though,
something weird happened.

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Half of my college friends
stopped talking to me

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and the other half
were politely avoiding me.

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When I confronted one of them,
he said, "It’s because of the lyra thing."

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And I go, "Yes, so what?"

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"Well, you can’t, you are a woman,

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and lyra is a musical instrument
traditionally played by men."

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Unaware of the fact that this clay model,

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found in Palaikastro, Crete,
and dates back to 1350 BC,

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shows a group of women dancing
to the music of a lyre played by a woman.

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Or totally forgetting
about people like Lavrendia Bernidaki,

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who was the first woman in the 40s

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to ever be recorded
in a musical record as a singer.

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But she was the first woman
that we know of,

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that played all the musical instruments
widely played in Crete:

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the lute, the violin,
lyra and the mandolin.

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Nevertheless, I got the same reaction
from both men and women.

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I even had someone publicly
point the finger at me saying,

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"Who do you think you are to play lyra?"

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I was devastated, heartbroken and alone.

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But you know what?

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There was a part in me really excited
to learn how to play,

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so I went on, bought the instrument
and started looking for a teacher.

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Apparently, music teachers,
and especially lyra teachers,

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didn’t teach women to play lyra.

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So I said, "Okay I am going
to have to learn by myself."

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So I did.

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But as it's true with most things,
music is better when it's shared.

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There was a group
of 70-, 80-year-old men and women

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from the village of Melambes, Rethymno,

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who were gathering once a week, to play
music, sing, dance, eat and share stories.

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In one of their gatherings,
I timidly mentioned that I play lyra too,

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and they were so excited

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that a young lady plays
this musical instrument,

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that they kept inviting me
week after week to play with them.

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I was thrilled.

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I had finally found my tribe,
and I was having so much fun.

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(Laughter)

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There was an incident, though,
I will never forget.

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In one of the weekly gatherings
I was asked to play;

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then suddenly, a man who was joining
the group for the first time,

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stood up and yelled,
"Is she going to play lyra? A woman?

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Who does she think she is?"

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(Laughter)

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My heart was beating really fast,
and I was about to burst into tears

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when one of the oldest men of the group 
gently turned my head to look at him

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and said, "Chrisa, repeat after me:

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'I am that I am, that I am, that I am.
I’m Popeye the sailor man!'"

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(Laughter)

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Soon after I finished repeating
the phrase, we all had a good laugh,

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and I got the nickname “kapetanaki,”

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which roughly translates
to “little captain,”

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with a touch of a rebellious attitude.

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But I kept this "little captain" attitude

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in advocating for women's
human and civil rights.

NOTE Paragraph

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Have you ever wondered

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why so many women and men
pay the same college tuition

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but are not in so many cases
getting paid equally?

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Apart from the wage gap,
have you ever thought about

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why aren't there more women
CEOs, politicians, engineers

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or lyra musicians for that matter?

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Who is responsible for that?

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[Who is responsible?]

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After spending a couple of years
in private practice as a hypnotherapist,

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treating women with
confidence related issues,

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it dawned on me.

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Most women didn’t believe
they were enough.

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Smart enough, thin enough,
beautiful enough,

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qualified enough, educated enough. 


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I say, enough is enough!

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Numerous global studies show
that compared with men,

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women don’t consider themselves
as ready for promotions.

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They predict they’ll do worse on tests,

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and they generally
underestimate their abilities,

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when in fact, their actual performance
does not differ in quality or quantity.

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We fail to break the glass ceiling
because of our lack of confidence.

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The answer to my question
“Who is responsible” is we, women,

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and especially the things
we say to ourselves

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and the things we believe
to be true for ourselves.

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Each and every one of us
is responsible for our lives.

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The only one to define who you are
or who you think you are is you.

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It doesn’t matter what other people
say or believe about you,

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what’s most important is
what you believe to be true for yourself.

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Evaluate your own drawings,

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don’t seek others’ appraisal
or approval for your creations.

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Now, the way you hear that question
says a lot about your starting point

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when it comes to confidence.

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Do you hear it as a question
that triggers a self-discovery journey?

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"Who do you think you are?"

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Or as an insult?
"Who do you think you are?"

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"Who do you think you are
to go after your dreams?"

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"Who do you think you are to speak up?"

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"Who do you think you are
to talk back to authority?"

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"Who do you think you are to name
your abuser after all these years?"

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"Who do you think you are to hold
your head up high after a failure?"

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When someone asks you,
"Who do you think you are,"

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how do you respond?

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Most likely with fear.

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This question has been lobbed at most
of us at some point as an accusation,

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but I see it as the most powerful
question to ask ourselves.

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Socrates, the Greek philosopher, said:

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(Greek) “The unexamined life
isn’t worth living.”

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“The unexamined life isn’t worth living.”

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That was my starting point
to forming the idea

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that in order to have a life worth living

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and confidently answer the question
"Who do you think you are,"

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we have to examine our lives
starting from childhood

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and properly parent our inner child.

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But first, what is the inner child?

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[Inner child]

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Inner child is a part of your character
that was affected during childhood,

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which can have childish reactions
to everyday adult situations,

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such as not speaking up for yourself,

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not being able to change
an annoying habit,

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ask for what you want, set boundaries,

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apply for that job,
ask for that promotion,

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negotiate your wage, or your worth.

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Are you wondering
if you have an inner child?

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The answer is yes, you do have one
because you were a child once.

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Why do we need to heal the inner child
in order to have confidence?

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It's because during the early years
of development in a child’s life,

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there are certain events
that trigger emotions

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that a child is not equipped to deal with.

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We all had at a certain point

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some of our primal needs
as children not quite met,

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and that created some
kind of trauma or limiting belief.

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Lack of love, acceptance, protection.

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At that point, the child
assumes the belief,

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"It’s me.

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There is something wrong with me."

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And continues all the adult life
seeing herself based on that belief.

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I'm not enough.

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I can't.

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I'm not worthy.

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My idea is to compassionately listen
to what this inner child is saying,

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and as a loving, caring parent
give the correct answers.

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"You can.” “You are enough.”
“You are worthy.”

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I’m going to share with you
the technique I use with my clients

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tο help them update those false beliefs

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that helped them build confidence.

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It’s a process that everybody
can do, both women and men.

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But in this time and age,
I want to dedicate this practice to women.

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With statistically lower confidence,
women can really use it,

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because it is time to meet
the person you truly are.

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It consists of three steps.

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You’re going to need your imagination,
a pen and a piece of paper.

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Step number one:

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Find a quiet place
in the comfort of your home

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where you can have some time undisturbed,

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and take your notebook,

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and allow yourself to go back
to a time in your childhood

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when something happened that hurt you.

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The important thing here
is to notice and note down

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all the details as an observer.

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Witness the scene as an observer.

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And step number two:

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You are going to create
some contact with that inner child

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you saw on the first scene.

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Approach her; tell her you are a friend.

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Tell her you saw what happened,
and it is not her fault.

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Tell her, "You are loved
and appreciated by me.

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I will take care of you.
Things will be okay."

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[Things will be okay]

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In step number three,
you are going to say your goodbyes,

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but before that, you are going to ask her,
"What do you need right now?"

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Wait for the answer
and then write it down.

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Speak to her with the wisdom
you have today

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and share with her a message 
that will help her as she's growing up.

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Give any promises,
express love and gratitude.

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“I will come back. I love you. Thank you.”

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You can repeat this process
for as many life events as you see fit.

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And every time you need some
extra boost of confidence or courage,

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repeat,

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"I am enough. I am lovable.
I am safe. I can."

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That is what I did when
I decided to learn lyra

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despite society’s disapproval.

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This is what I did just moments ago
before I came up on this stage.

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Today, I am happy to report

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that more and more women
are playing lyra in Crete,

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and there are many, many teachers
that do not discriminate based on gender.

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[Xenia Pandelaki]

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[Katerina Petraki]

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[Kelly Thomas]

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There was a major shift
in society’s perception.

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[Giota Silli]

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[Georgia Androulaki-Chnari]

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[Georgia Dagaki]

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[Ioanna Zouli]

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[Elena Karatzi]

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This is what happens when
women show up authentically,

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confidently knowing who they truly are.

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And one might wonder,

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What else could be possible

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if you allow yourself to define
who you are and act on it?

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This practice helped me
build the confidence

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to create a life worth living,

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the courage to show up
and speak my truth,

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and the compassion to accept
my light and my shadows.

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I invite you to do the inner child work
and examine your lives,

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because it is through her eyes,

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those eyes that look at the world
with curiosity and wonder,

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that you will define who you truly are.

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And it is very important
because how you define yourself

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will impact how successful
you are at your work,

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the quality of your relationships,

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and even how happy
and fulfilled you are in your life.

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Stop playing small,
let your light shine through

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so that you show up in the world
with love, creativity and grace.

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So, I will ask again,
but take your time to answer.

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Who do you think you are?

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Thank you.

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(Applause)