0:00:00.125,0:00:02.708
♪ethereal ambient music♪

0:00:08.963,0:00:11.098
[lock clicking]

0:00:11.098,0:00:13.848
[heels clacking]

0:00:26.168,0:00:29.251
[car engine revving]

0:00:32.227,0:00:34.650
♪♪♪

0:00:34.650,0:00:39.650
[Miranda VO] Risk, in general for me, is[br]really such a comfort zone.

0:00:42.930,0:00:45.907
I was the kind of kid who was just like,

0:00:45.907,0:00:48.060
"Dare me to do something."

0:00:48.060,0:00:51.373
I loved the high of that.

0:00:51.373,0:00:54.040
♪♪♪

0:00:55.909,0:00:58.826
(plastic rustling)

0:01:00.448,0:01:03.115
(mellow music)

0:01:04.055,0:01:08.388
I am remembering when I was[br]maybe seven or something

0:01:09.450,0:01:12.030
playing at the park, and there was...

0:01:12.030,0:01:14.520
You know those really[br]intense basketball games

0:01:14.520,0:01:17.250
with men playing, and[br]they're just shouting,

0:01:17.250,0:01:18.800
and like, "I'm open, I'm open!"

0:01:18.800,0:01:20.040
You know, like,[br][chuckling] um...

0:01:20.040,0:01:25.022
And my friends dared me to join the game.

0:01:25.022,0:01:27.060
(mellow music)

0:01:27.060,0:01:28.830
[Miranda] Do you mind holding that for a sec?

0:01:28.830,0:01:31.920
You can let go whenever[br]you need to let go.

0:01:31.920,0:01:32.753
Thank you.

0:01:34.080,0:01:36.780
[Miranda VO] And I just jumped right in,

0:01:36.780,0:01:38.820
and just was like, "I'm open, I'm open!"

0:01:38.820,0:01:42.360
You know, just, like, doing[br]the [chuckling] stuff I saw them doing,

0:01:42.360,0:01:45.240
and I was,[br]like, floating on air,

0:01:45.240,0:01:47.850
you know, because I'd[br]done it and I'd survived.

0:01:47.850,0:01:49.710
[Miranda] Do you mind just holding this?

0:01:49.710,0:01:52.083
You can let go whenever[br]you need to let go.

0:01:53.400,0:01:56.640
[Miranda VO] I guess I learned if you're not afraid --

0:01:56.640,0:01:59.880
and why[br]should you really be afraid? --

0:01:59.880,0:02:02.070
then it's like you can fly

0:02:02.070,0:02:04.239
You have this superpower.

0:02:04.239,0:02:06.989
♪curious electronic music♪

0:02:09.510,0:02:13.350
Now, I usually say I'm a[br]writer, filmmaker, and artist.

0:02:13.350,0:02:14.670
So within that,

0:02:14.670,0:02:16.090
I perform

0:02:18.120,0:02:21.843
and I work in these different mediums.

0:02:21.843,0:02:24.593
♪♪♪

0:02:26.040,0:02:28.350
- Some things are hidden for a reason,

0:02:28.350,0:02:30.780
and if you see them,[br]you'll be changed forever.

0:02:30.780,0:02:33.429
But I wanted to be changed forever.

0:02:33.429,0:02:35.880
♪♪♪

0:02:35.880,0:02:38.760
[Miranda VO] It feels like there's[br]a million sub-genres

0:02:38.760,0:02:39.720
of all those things,

0:02:39.720,0:02:42.060
Like, "filmmaker"[br]-- you know,

0:02:42.060,0:02:44.732
that, to me, includes feature films.

0:02:44.732,0:02:46.020
[Miranda] And, cut!

0:02:46.020,0:02:48.976
And things you might make really quickly

0:02:48.976,0:02:51.150
and in an afternoon.

0:02:51.150,0:02:54.116
So I'm not really a purist.

0:02:54.116,0:02:57.420
♪lush ethereal music♪

0:02:57.420,0:02:59.280
I started so young.

0:02:59.280,0:03:02.070
I started when I was 16

0:03:02.070,0:03:04.699
writing and directing my first play.

0:03:04.699,0:03:07.449
[heels clacking]

0:03:08.430,0:03:12.483
I had started a correspondence[br]with a man in prison.

0:03:14.760,0:03:17.820
There used to be lists of prison pen pals

0:03:17.820,0:03:19.710
in the back of magazines,

0:03:19.710,0:03:22.593
and I really just chose him at random.

0:03:23.580,0:03:24.840
It wasn't romantic

0:03:24.840,0:03:28.320
because I was, thank[br]God, a hardcore feminist,

0:03:28.320,0:03:32.790
but it was very intimate[br]once that boundary was set.

0:03:32.790,0:03:34.830
Dear friend, this is legal paper.

0:03:34.830,0:03:37.050
I wish it was the opposite.

0:03:37.050,0:03:38.610
How has your day been so far?

0:03:38.610,0:03:39.960
You make me wish we could meet.

0:03:39.960,0:03:42.150
Perhaps we can someday.

0:03:42.150,0:03:44.850
[Miranda VO] I think he and I were in it

0:03:44.850,0:03:48.423
for similar reasons in that[br]we loved the attention.

0:03:49.320,0:03:51.450
What teenage girl doesn't love...

0:03:51.450,0:03:55.260
Like, literally, I was[br]the only person --

0:03:55.260,0:03:57.480
like, free person[br]-- in his life.

0:03:57.480,0:04:00.390
Like, he hadn't gotten[br]a letter in 12 years.

0:04:00.390,0:04:04.140
And, like, I became alienated[br]from my friends

0:04:04.140,0:04:08.910
and high school ''cause I couldn't[br]get this across.

0:04:08.910,0:04:10.203
And so I wrote a play.

0:04:11.820,0:04:13.833
[man VO] You see, you're making me remember,

0:04:16.050,0:04:17.490
but I'm not remembering who I was,

0:04:17.490,0:04:19.980
I'm remembering who I wanted to be,

0:04:19.980,0:04:21.630
[whispering] and there's a difference.

0:04:21.630,0:04:23.337
- I shouldn't be able to[br]know you as well as I do

0:04:23.337,0:04:25.170
because I know-[br]- I mean I guess one reason

0:04:25.170,0:04:27.810
I do these projects with people

0:04:27.810,0:04:31.200
who are so far out of my world

0:04:31.200,0:04:36.200
is that I am thrown out[br]of my own assumptions

0:04:36.240,0:04:39.900
about how things work or what things mean.

0:04:39.900,0:04:43.830
Even just very basic things,[br]like even friendship, like:

0:04:43.830,0:04:45.213
Is this a friendship?

0:04:47.700,0:04:48.990
My parents are writers.

0:04:48.990,0:04:53.990
So from them, I learned how[br]to be intimate with my work.

0:04:55.680,0:05:00.680
And I guess my great hope[br]was that through my work,

0:05:01.740,0:05:05.463
I could have intimacy with other people.

0:05:07.350,0:05:08.820
Based on what I saw growing up,

0:05:08.820,0:05:11.493
I wasn't sure how else to connect.

0:05:14.700,0:05:17.453
I don't know, the idea of the...

0:05:17.453,0:05:19.089
you know, the...

0:05:19.089,0:05:20.468
the found family or the...

0:05:20.468,0:05:25.845
or the friend that kind of saves you, like, I...

0:05:25.845,0:05:30.000
those are sometimes in my[br]work, and it's-- you know,

0:05:30.000,0:05:32.850
and I know it's a kind of common theme,

0:05:32.850,0:05:35.976
but I can't-- you know, it...

0:05:35.976,0:05:37.694
[chuckling] never gets old!

0:05:38.702,0:05:40.612
[panting] How[br]about this, right?

0:05:40.612,0:05:42.279
You think that was the big one?

0:05:43.290,0:05:45.737
-I don't think that--[br]-It was.

0:05:45.737,0:05:46.792
That was it. [laughs]

0:05:47.693,0:05:48.526
Thank you.

0:05:49.874,0:05:52.874
[typing]

0:05:55.423,0:06:00.423
- I dropped out of college,[br]and did wanna make movies,

0:06:01.080,0:06:04.230
and was surrounded by women in bands.

0:06:04.230,0:06:08.280
And we started a recording[br]studio in our basement,

0:06:08.280,0:06:10.350
and there was very much the sense

0:06:10.350,0:06:13.770
that you could just[br]figure it out yourself.

0:06:13.770,0:06:16.620
So I started this thing first[br]called "Big Miss Moviola"

0:06:16.620,0:06:19.200
and then Moviola tried to sue me.

0:06:19.200,0:06:21.300
Welcome to "Big Miss Moviola."

0:06:21.300,0:06:24.300
My name is Miranda July[br]and I'll be your host.

0:06:24.300,0:06:26.910
[Miranda VO] The premise was, if[br]you send me your movie,

0:06:26.910,0:06:28.950
I'll put it on a VHS tape

0:06:28.950,0:06:31.410
with nine other movies[br]made by nine other women...

0:06:31.410,0:06:32.460
-Hi, Vanessa!

0:06:32.460,0:06:34.380
[Miranda VO] And send the tape back to you,

0:06:34.380,0:06:36.180
so we can all see each other's work.

0:06:37.710,0:06:40.770
I was providing a service that I needed

0:06:40.770,0:06:45.060
in order to conceive of[br]myself as a filmmaker.

0:06:45.060,0:06:48.120
And I did that for 10 years.

0:06:48.120,0:06:50.190
I did it until...

0:06:50.190,0:06:52.540
until I made "Me and You[br]and Everyone We Know."

0:06:56.280,0:06:58.585
Man: What are you doing in my car?

0:06:58.585,0:07:00.000
[laughs]

0:07:00.000,0:07:01.230
I don't know you

0:07:01.230,0:07:03.420
and you certainly don't[br]know anything about me.

0:07:03.420,0:07:05.493
I mean, what if I'm a killer of children?

0:07:07.500,0:07:10.260
-Woman: [chuckling] Yeah, well, that[br]would put a damper on things,

0:07:10.260,0:07:11.910
wouldn't it?

0:07:11.910,0:07:16.083
Miranda: I remember actually[br]after that movie came out,

0:07:17.460,0:07:20.737
and I remember performing[br]and realizing, like,

0:07:20.737,0:07:23.367
"They just wanna see the[br]girl from that movie."

0:07:24.510,0:07:27.363
That actually was a bit[br]of a crisis at first.

0:07:28.590,0:07:33.487
And that was actually the point[br]when I started making pieces

0:07:34.553,0:07:37.500
that asked a lot of the audience.

0:07:37.500,0:07:38.460
[Miranda] When I signal you,

0:07:38.460,0:07:41.245
if you could just walk[br]towards me very, very slowly.

0:07:41.245,0:07:42.450
♪tender piano playing♪

0:07:42.450,0:07:44.130
I noticed her immediately

0:07:44.130,0:07:47.074
when I walked out on[br]stage that first night.

0:07:47.074,0:07:49.560
[laughter]

0:07:49.560,0:07:52.143
She seemed to radiate light.

0:07:52.143,0:07:54.780
♪tender piano playing♪

0:07:54.780,0:07:57.204
I've been in two relationships[br]with women before, but...

0:07:57.204,0:08:01.161
they were more...butch.

0:08:01.161,0:08:03.336
[laughter]

0:08:03.336,0:08:06.003
[ambient music]

0:08:13.320,0:08:17.220
[Miranda VO] So right now, I am finishing a book,

0:08:17.220,0:08:19.478
a kind of long novel...

0:08:19.478,0:08:22.470
[footsteps thudding]

0:08:22.470,0:08:26.163
about the second half of a woman's life.

0:08:29.040,0:08:30.573
And it's a romance.

0:08:32.250,0:08:34.863
There's also dance in my book.

0:08:36.900,0:08:40.620
So, this is my novel.

0:08:40.620,0:08:42.232
[chuckling] No one's[br]supposed to see this ever,

0:08:42.232,0:08:44.970
but, um, so don't[br]maybe get too close but...

0:08:44.970,0:08:46.670
Or it's fine, whatever, who cares?

0:08:47.520,0:08:49.263
This is the first half of it.

0:08:50.880,0:08:52.083
This is the second half.

0:08:53.370,0:08:58.290
When I can't write anymore --[br]like it's diminishing returns --

0:08:58.290,0:09:00.720
then I come to this rack.

0:09:00.720,0:09:03.370
It's, like, [chuckling][br]costumes to dance in?

0:09:04.230,0:09:05.883
Or...

0:09:05.883,0:09:10.606
just to make things in if I want[br]to become aware of my body in a

0:09:10.606,0:09:11.700
different way.

0:09:11.700,0:09:13.835
And then I'd be like,[br]"Well, this was a costume,

0:09:13.835,0:09:16.567
but-- but who is[br]this," you know?

0:09:17.129,0:09:20.588
♪cool percussive[br]music playing♪

0:09:20.588,0:09:22.380
And I started actually buying things

0:09:22.380,0:09:26.010
that make no sense in real life,

0:09:26.010,0:09:28.230
but are great for this sort of thing.

0:09:28.230,0:09:29.698
Like, what is...

0:09:29.698,0:09:30.751
what is this?

0:09:30.751,0:09:32.940
♪chipper triangle music♪

0:09:32.940,0:09:36.000
[Miranda VO] For me, it's always about energy,

0:09:36.000,0:09:37.920
and excitement, and mystery.

0:09:37.920,0:09:42.060
And one way it exists is in these mediums,

0:09:42.060,0:09:44.850
like, simply working in a form

0:09:44.850,0:09:47.910
with materials you haven't used before

0:09:47.910,0:09:52.380
is novelty and mystery[br]in a quite physical sense

0:09:52.380,0:09:54.993
and sometimes in a collaborative sense.

0:09:56.382,0:10:00.090
[typing]

0:10:00.090,0:10:03.270
So day one of the pandemic,

0:10:03.270,0:10:07.320
the phone rings and it's[br]an unfamiliar number,

0:10:07.320,0:10:11.213
and I answer it, and it's[br]clearly like a solicitor.

0:10:11.213,0:10:12.949
[dogs barking]

0:10:12.949,0:10:15.730
- Miranda's phone number[br]was assigned to me

0:10:16.830,0:10:19.650
but she wasn't a typical customer

0:10:19.650,0:10:23.853
that will immediately hang up[br]the phone or drop the call.

0:10:25.350,0:10:26.910
- Maybe I'd somehow ended up on a list

0:10:26.910,0:10:29.703
for self-published authors, which I'm not,

0:10:31.290,0:10:35.017
and so I answered all their[br]questions and then I said,

0:10:35.017,0:10:37.260
"Can I ask you some questions?"

0:10:37.260,0:10:40.140
Where they were, they[br]were in the Philippines.

0:10:40.140,0:10:41.973
How old they were, 27.

0:10:42.900,0:10:45.540
I couldn't tell what gender they were.

0:10:45.540,0:10:48.240
They were a trans woman.

0:10:48.240,0:10:49.290
[Jay VO] Here in the Philippines,

0:10:49.290,0:10:53.370
most of the religion is Roman Catholic.

0:10:53.370,0:10:57.000
It's very hard for you to be accepted,

0:10:57.000,0:10:59.160
to belong in a community.

0:10:59.160,0:11:02.020
So I started to share my background

0:11:03.000,0:11:07.503
and she thought of a project[br]that we can collaborate.

0:11:08.760,0:11:13.637
This is the edition --[br]the limited edition --

0:11:13.637,0:11:18.969
that I made[br]out of the project with Jay.

0:11:19.590,0:11:22.980
- She said that she's gonna[br]be sending me assignment

0:11:22.980,0:11:27.003
and then I'm going to[br]respond it in pictures.

0:11:27.840,0:11:29.400
This is the first assignment

0:11:29.400,0:11:34.400
where Miranda asked me to bow to something

0:11:35.310,0:11:39.300
that is also important to[br]me, which is money and a bed,

0:11:39.300,0:11:40.683
because I love to sleep.

0:11:42.810,0:11:47.810
So, in this picture, this is[br]where all my suffering happens.

0:11:50.760,0:11:55.140
- The best feeling is when[br]you throw down a challenge

0:11:55.140,0:11:59.163
and then the person comes back[br]with something much bolder.

0:12:00.750,0:12:03.780
I mean, that is what really[br]makes it a collaboration,

0:12:03.780,0:12:06.700
and that happened so regularly with Jay.

0:12:06.700,0:12:09.150
♪calm ethereal music♪

0:12:09.150,0:12:10.800
[Jay VO] This is me.

0:12:10.800,0:12:15.800
So sharing that to Miranda[br]was really kind of risky,

0:12:16.140,0:12:18.180
but at the same time happy

0:12:18.180,0:12:22.770
because I was able to express everything.

0:12:22.770,0:12:24.630
Like, every pain,

0:12:24.630,0:12:29.047
every truth that happened to[br]my life is all in this project.

0:12:29.047,0:12:31.350
♪♪♪

0:12:31.350,0:12:34.760
- I mean, I'm full of my own...

0:12:36.000,0:12:38.760
trust, abandonment issues,

0:12:38.760,0:12:43.760
like all kinds of things that make it hard

0:12:43.980,0:12:45.900
to get close to people.

0:12:45.900,0:12:47.490
So it's a real miracle

0:12:47.490,0:12:49.863
when something like that[br]connection can happen.

0:12:51.360,0:12:55.500
It becomes very beautiful,[br]and emotional, and light,

0:12:55.500,0:12:57.810
which is so, so incredible

0:12:57.810,0:13:00.997
because it's not very light inside me.

0:13:00.997,0:13:02.232
[chuckles]

0:13:02.232,0:13:04.982
♪♪♪

0:13:06.270,0:13:08.100
I think that's part of the risk thing

0:13:08.100,0:13:13.100
is literally anything is[br]possible in the moment.

0:13:13.165,0:13:15.915
♪♪♪

0:13:17.820,0:13:21.304
It's kind of like being[br]in a dream or something.

0:13:21.304,0:13:24.054
♪♪♪

0:13:26.130,0:13:30.530
But a shared dream, not a[br]lonely in-my-head dream.

0:13:30.530,0:13:33.280
♪♪♪

0:13:34.285,0:13:36.720
And the reward of working this way

0:13:36.720,0:13:39.130
is creative freedom

0:13:41.010,0:13:42.606
on every level.

0:13:42.606,0:13:45.273
♪♪♪

0:13:54.442,0:13:57.025
♪ethereal ambient music♪

0:14:14.209,0:14:17.626
♪♪♪