Ladies and gentlemen,
please give a warm welcome to our next speaker,
Mrs. Ellen Rutledge.
(Applause)
My name is Ellen Rutledge.
I'm employed here at Ironwood State Prison
as secretary to the Chief Deputy Warden,
Mr. Neil McDowell.
Like many of you,
I always thought that my family would be blessed
with a long and happy life together.
But God did not include that in our life plan.
On the morning of October 22, 2008,
our lives were tragically changed forever.
At approximately 4:30 in the morning,
my only son, Michael,
stepped out of his house, preparing to go to work.
As he was loading up his truck,
he was approached by two armed robbers wearing ski masks.
He was brutally beaten.
He was fatally shot in the head, execution-style,
while he was on his hands and knees.
The only physical thing that those robbers took
was his wallet.
At the time of his murder,
Michael was 35 years old.
This picture was taken just a few months before he was murdered.
He and his wife had been married for 13 years;
they had two young children.
They owned their own home in a nice neighborhood,
and they were living what we all call "the American dream."
When I was given the news that my son had been murdered,
thus began my long ride on an emotional rollercoaster.
My emotions ran from disbelief,
to bargaining with God,
and many nights of grief and despair.
You see, as a mother,
it's my natural instinct
to fix whatever problems my children might have.
But I couldn't fix this.
To this day, I still have a hard time understanding
how anything so unforgivable could happen to any family.
But it does.
One of the most difficult things
we as humans are ever called upon to do
is to respond to evil with kindness,
and to forgive the unforgivable.
We love to read stories and watch movies
about people who respond to hatred with love.
And yet when that very thing is required of us,
our default seems to be one of anger, bitterness, or vengeance.
If you don't practice forgiveness,
you might be the one who pays the most dearly.
So, the kindest thing you can do for yourself
is to forgive the unforgivable.
Lewis B. Smedes, professor, and author of many popular books
including "Forgive and Forget," is quoted:
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free
only to discover that the prisoner was you."
Since the murder of my son in 2008,
I have journeyed down a thousand emotional roads,
seeking the answers to:
can I, will I ever forgive those two young men
who chose to kill my son,
instead of just taking his wallet and walking away?
No rational answer has ever given me the solace that I seek.
During the past five years,
I have eased off the freeway of pure anguish,
and I now travel on a frontage road of acceptance.
I have searched my soul time and time again,
and I have come to know
that I am no longer identified as a victim,
but rather, I am a strong, positive, and resilient woman.
Be assured, we all have the ability to forgive.
But it may not happen in one fall swoop.
Sometimes it has to happen in layers.
Sometimes we have to forgive someone many times
before we can let go of all the emotional residue of the past.
We can take inspiration from the words of Nelson Mandela,
who was imprisoned for 27 years by the South African government.
He says: "As I stepped out the door toward my freedom,
I knew
that if I did not leave all the anger, hatred, and resentment behind,
I would still be in prison."
So, how do we know if we have achieved forgiveness?
If you have taken the steps to restore peace in your heart,
you will feel a shift.
You will no longer feel sorrow over the circumstance.
You will no longer feel angry with that person.
You'll feel sorry for them, instead.
And you will tend not to have anything else to say about the situation, at all.
You will feel lighter, and you will know in your heart
that you have given yourself the ultimate gift.
Thank you.
(Applause)