WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.080 Hey, everyone! This week's video 00:00:02.080 --> 00:00:03.922 is coming by popular demand. 00:00:03.922 --> 00:00:05.743 Borderline Personality Disorder, 00:00:05.743 --> 00:00:07.563 eating disorders and self-harm, 00:00:07.563 --> 00:00:09.286 how do they relate? So stay tuned 00:00:09.286 --> 00:00:10.629 towards the end of the video 00:00:10.629 --> 00:00:11.361 'cause I'm gonna give you 00:00:11.361 --> 00:00:13.214 the dirty little secret about therapy. 00:00:14.606 --> 00:00:15.998 ^(soft piano music plays) 00:00:21.463 --> 00:00:23.523 So I know a lot of you have asked me 00:00:23.523 --> 00:00:25.683 about Borderline Personality Disorder 00:00:25.683 --> 00:00:28.068 or otherwise known as BPD, which is easier 00:00:28.068 --> 00:00:29.735 for me to say, to be honest, 'cause 00:00:29.735 --> 00:00:31.550 Borderline Personality Disorder's like 00:00:31.550 --> 00:00:32.373 (mumbles) 00:00:32.373 --> 00:00:34.223 I'll probably mess it up. So BPD is 00:00:34.223 --> 00:00:36.223 something that a lot of us struggle with. 00:00:36.223 --> 00:00:37.316 We may have been told 00:00:37.316 --> 00:00:39.389 by one person that we're diagnosed with it 00:00:39.389 --> 00:00:42.573 or we have BPD-like symptoms. 00:00:42.573 --> 00:00:43.992 And a lot of us just wonder: 00:00:43.992 --> 00:00:46.004 "What the heck does that mean? 00:00:46.004 --> 00:00:47.075 "And if I do have it, 00:00:47.075 --> 00:00:48.177 "why does everybody act 00:00:48.177 --> 00:00:50.648 "like it's such a bad thing?" Right? 00:00:50.648 --> 00:00:54.013 Now, just to give you a little background 00:00:54.013 --> 00:00:56.768 on what Borderline Pers. Disorder is, 00:00:56.768 --> 00:00:59.852 it's really, in my opinion, 00:00:59.852 --> 00:01:03.573 it's our mind's way of coping with things. 00:01:03.573 --> 00:01:04.987 And I'm going to read to you 00:01:04.987 --> 00:01:07.625 a little bit of the DSM, so that you know, 00:01:07.625 --> 00:01:10.475 when someone says you may have BPD-like 00:01:10.475 --> 00:01:12.990 symptoms or you actually have BPD, 00:01:12.990 --> 00:01:15.221 what they're really talking about. Okay? 00:01:15.221 --> 00:01:16.938 And I'll try to make this very clear 00:01:16.938 --> 00:01:18.664 and concise 'cause a lot of times 00:01:18.664 --> 00:01:20.349 people throw words around 00:01:20.349 --> 00:01:22.061 that don't really pertain to us. 00:01:22.061 --> 00:01:23.873 And I want to make sure you understand 00:01:23.873 --> 00:01:26.926 what BPD really is. So the DSM states 00:01:26.926 --> 00:01:28.581 that we have to have 5 or more 00:01:28.581 --> 00:01:31.394 of the following. And this the older DSM 00:01:31.394 --> 00:01:33.434 'cause the new one isn't quite out yet. 00:01:33.434 --> 00:01:35.459 So when the new one comes out, I'll get it 00:01:35.459 --> 00:01:36.397 and then we'll see 00:01:36.397 --> 00:01:37.495 if there's any changes, 00:01:37.495 --> 00:01:39.174 but I don't think there is to this. 00:01:39.174 --> 00:01:39.950 So the first one 00:01:39.950 --> 00:01:41.386 and the one I've talked about before 00:01:41.386 --> 00:01:42.672 in another one of my videos 00:01:42.672 --> 00:01:44.791 ^is frantic efforts to avoid real 00:01:44.791 --> 00:01:46.506 ^or imagined abandonment. 00:01:46.506 --> 00:01:49.007 ^This was in my Fear of Abandonment video. 00:01:49.007 --> 00:01:50.962 ^And this one is probably the most common 00:01:50.962 --> 00:01:53.383 that I see in borderline patients. 00:01:53.383 --> 00:01:54.204 But like I said, 00:01:54.204 --> 00:01:55.610 you have to have 5 or more. 00:01:55.610 --> 00:01:56.741 That's only 1. 00:01:56.741 --> 00:01:59.206 ^The second: A pattern of unstable 00:01:59.206 --> 00:02:01.619 ^or intense interpersonal relationships 00:02:01.619 --> 00:02:03.788 ^characterized by alternating between 00:02:03.788 --> 00:02:07.502 ^extremes of idealization and devaluation. 00:02:07.502 --> 00:02:09.535 Now, in the therapy world we talk about 00:02:09.535 --> 00:02:11.009 people putting us on a pedestal 00:02:11.009 --> 00:02:12.518 or throwing us under the bus. 00:02:12.518 --> 00:02:13.731 So you either love me 00:02:13.731 --> 00:02:14.881 or you just hate my guts 00:02:14.881 --> 00:02:16.473 and you wish I go away. Right? 00:02:16.473 --> 00:02:18.530 It's that extreme up and down. 00:02:18.530 --> 00:02:20.570 That's usually... 00:02:20.570 --> 00:02:23.549 What people will notice first is that 00:02:23.549 --> 00:02:25.578 because they're in relationships with you. 00:02:25.578 --> 00:02:27.375 So if you're hating them and loving them 00:02:27.375 --> 00:02:29.292 in 2 days, they're like: "Oh!" You know? 00:02:29.292 --> 00:02:30.938 And that can be really hard. 00:02:30.938 --> 00:02:33.907 Now, the third one is identity disturbance 00:02:33.907 --> 00:02:37.035 ^markedly and persistently unstable 00:02:37.035 --> 00:02:39.726 ^self-image or sense of self. 00:02:39.726 --> 00:02:41.348 Now we're all like: "Wow. Well, 00:02:41.348 --> 00:02:43.093 "that applies to a lot of people". 00:02:43.093 --> 00:02:44.099 And that's why you have to have at least 00:02:44.099 --> 00:02:48.202 5 of these. But I think that one point 00:02:48.202 --> 00:02:51.092 is why it's so linked to eating disorders. 00:02:51.092 --> 00:02:52.536 Okay? Because 00:02:52.536 --> 00:02:55.261 we don't think very highly of ourselves. 00:02:55.261 --> 00:02:56.994 We have a very distorted vision 00:02:56.994 --> 00:02:59.033 of who we are and what we're about. 00:02:59.033 --> 00:03:00.451 That can lead to a lot of other things 00:03:00.451 --> 00:03:01.976 Like eating disorders, right? 00:03:01.976 --> 00:03:05.404 ^And the next one is impulsivity 00:03:05.404 --> 00:03:07.504 ^and at least to 2 areas 00:03:07.504 --> 00:03:09.748 ^that are potentially self-damaging. 00:03:09.748 --> 00:03:12.254 This can be anything from spending habits, 00:03:12.254 --> 00:03:14.023 like we'll go on spending sprees 00:03:14.023 --> 00:03:15.753 or it could be sex where we have sex 00:03:15.753 --> 00:03:17.418 with a bunch of different strangers 00:03:17.418 --> 00:03:18.320 and it's not really, 00:03:18.320 --> 00:03:19.447 we're not safe about it 00:03:19.447 --> 00:03:21.302 and we just act impulsively. Right? 00:03:21.302 --> 00:03:23.111 It can be any kind of thing like that. 00:03:23.111 --> 00:03:24.533 I think in here they say... 00:03:24.533 --> 00:03:25.963 Yes, substance abuse, 00:03:25.963 --> 00:03:27.554 reckless driving, binge eating. 00:03:27.554 --> 00:03:29.762 So again, connected to eating disorders. 00:03:29.762 --> 00:03:33.292 Right? Then the next one, the fifth one 00:03:33.292 --> 00:03:36.240 ^is recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures 00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:38.717 ^or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. 00:03:38.717 --> 00:03:40.503 Now, this was my frustration 00:03:40.503 --> 00:03:42.466 with the new DSM 'cause self-mutilating 00:03:42.466 --> 00:03:45.229 behavior or self-harm doesn't just occur 00:03:45.229 --> 00:03:47.131 when we have Borderline Pers. Disorder 00:03:47.131 --> 00:03:49.957 but the DSM only puts it in here. 00:03:49.957 --> 00:03:52.379 So we'll work on that. Right? 00:03:52.379 --> 00:03:54.582 But a lot of us struggle with suicide 00:03:54.582 --> 00:03:56.801 and I find with my Borderline patients, 00:03:56.801 --> 00:03:58.239 many of them use suicide 00:03:58.239 --> 00:04:00.884 and suicidal ideation as a way 00:04:00.884 --> 00:04:02.491 to work on that abandonment 00:04:02.491 --> 00:04:03.248 because they're afraid 00:04:03.248 --> 00:04:04.715 someone's gonna run away, so then 00:04:04.715 --> 00:04:05.762 we act out and we say: 00:04:05.762 --> 00:04:07.206 "Well, I'm gonna commit suicide 00:04:07.206 --> 00:04:08.447 or I'm gonna hurt myself". 00:04:08.447 --> 00:04:10.807 And that gets people back in our lives. 00:04:10.807 --> 00:04:12.282 Right? And that makes sense. 00:04:12.282 --> 00:04:14.618 I can see the connection. Can't you? 00:04:14.618 --> 00:04:16.593 So that's kind of how that's used. 00:04:16.593 --> 00:04:20.349 ^The sixth thing is effective instability 00:04:20.349 --> 00:04:23.479 ^due to a marked reactivity of mood. 00:04:23.479 --> 00:04:24.475 ^So this is like, 00:04:24.475 --> 00:04:27.363 ^you're intensely irritable or anxiety. 00:04:27.363 --> 00:04:29.552 It usually lasts a couple of hours, 00:04:29.552 --> 00:04:31.076 so our mood is just unstable. 00:04:31.076 --> 00:04:31.845 It's all over the place. 00:04:31.845 --> 00:04:33.654 I might be really happy one minute 00:04:33.654 --> 00:04:35.412 and then really mad and sad the next. 00:04:35.412 --> 00:04:36.945 It's like: "Aaah!" It's all over 00:04:36.945 --> 00:04:38.404 and it feels really crazy. 00:04:38.404 --> 00:04:40.808 So that, but it doesn't usually last more 00:04:40.808 --> 00:04:43.121 than a couple of hours, at the most a day. 00:04:43.121 --> 00:04:44.505 If it lasts longer than that, 00:04:44.505 --> 00:04:45.703 then it might be Bipolar, 00:04:45.703 --> 00:04:47.489 which I'll talk about in another video. 00:04:47.489 --> 00:04:48.980 Let's not get distracted. Okay? 00:04:48.980 --> 00:04:50.824 On to the next one! 00:04:50.824 --> 00:04:54.184 ^So #7 is chronic feelings of emptiness. 00:04:54.184 --> 00:04:56.395 And I know we're all thinking: 00:04:56.395 --> 00:04:58.419 "Well shit, Kati. I feel like that. 00:04:58.419 --> 00:04:59.502 "That's me. Ugh!" 00:04:59.502 --> 00:05:01.405 But remember we have to have 5 of these. 00:05:01.405 --> 00:05:03.506 You may feel like a lot of these 00:05:03.506 --> 00:05:04.579 pertain to you. 00:05:04.579 --> 00:05:06.200 "Oh, I can really connect with that". 00:05:06.200 --> 00:05:07.832 And that's why you may have heard: 00:05:07.832 --> 00:05:10.239 "Oh, you have Borderline tendencies 00:05:10.239 --> 00:05:13.256 or Borderline-like symptoms". Right? 00:05:13.256 --> 00:05:15.426 'Cause we don't meet all the criteria. 00:05:15.426 --> 00:05:16.584 So that was the seventh. 00:05:16.584 --> 00:05:17.908 There's 2 more. I'm almost done. 00:05:17.908 --> 00:05:20.529 ^Now the eighth is inappropriate intense 00:05:20.529 --> 00:05:23.814 ^anger or difficulty controlling anger. 00:05:23.814 --> 00:05:26.043 Now this is, I feel like a lot of these 00:05:26.043 --> 00:05:28.487 kind of go hand in hand 00:05:28.487 --> 00:05:30.802 with the eating disorders and self-harm. 00:05:30.802 --> 00:05:32.266 You know how I just talked about 00:05:32.266 --> 00:05:34.554 in my PTSD video how we're anger out 00:05:34.554 --> 00:05:36.997 or we're anger in? Well, this is saying 00:05:36.997 --> 00:05:40.578 that we have inappropriate intense anger. 00:05:40.578 --> 00:05:42.620 So we really don't have a place to put it 00:05:42.620 --> 00:05:43.963 and we don't really know why it's there, 00:05:43.963 --> 00:05:46.909 but we feel it and it's bad and, you know? 00:05:46.909 --> 00:05:49.181 So that's another way it relates. 00:05:49.181 --> 00:05:53.798 ^The last one is transient stress-related 00:05:53.798 --> 00:05:56.589 ^paranoia or paranoid ideation 00:05:56.589 --> 00:05:59.505 ^or severe dissociative symptoms. 00:05:59.505 --> 00:06:01.203 Now, that also kind of goes in line 00:06:01.203 --> 00:06:02.392 with my PTSD video, 00:06:02.392 --> 00:06:04.067 because remember how I talked about 00:06:04.067 --> 00:06:05.799 the ways that we kind of deal 00:06:05.799 --> 00:06:07.763 with a situation 00:06:07.763 --> 00:06:09.979 and some of us can actually dissociate. 00:06:09.979 --> 00:06:13.001 I'm trying to think of what I'd even talk- 00:06:13.001 --> 00:06:14.854 My binge! When I talked about binging 00:06:14.854 --> 00:06:16.493 and Bulimia when you're kind of in 00:06:16.493 --> 00:06:18.038 an out-of-body experience, like: 00:06:18.038 --> 00:06:19.940 "I can't handle this. I'm stepping out!" 00:06:19.940 --> 00:06:21.892 And you, like watch yourself doing stuff. 00:06:21.892 --> 00:06:24.313 That's kind of what dissociation is 00:06:24.313 --> 00:06:26.775 because we're too intense. 00:06:26.775 --> 00:06:28.299 Everything is too intense 00:06:28.299 --> 00:06:30.509 that we can't even be present, 00:06:30.509 --> 00:06:33.555 like fully present in the moment. 00:06:33.555 --> 00:06:35.155 Okay? So 00:06:35.155 --> 00:06:38.226 that's what Borderline Pers. Disorder is 00:06:38.226 --> 00:06:39.969 and you can see how it ties into 00:06:39.969 --> 00:06:41.694 our self-harm behaviors 00:06:41.694 --> 00:06:43.352 and our eating disorders. 00:06:43.352 --> 00:06:45.204 But remember we have to meet 5 00:06:45.204 --> 00:06:48.305 of those criteria to be properly diagnosed 00:06:48.305 --> 00:06:51.532 and we may go in and out. We may meet some 00:06:51.532 --> 00:06:53.513 sometimes and some not the other times, 00:06:53.513 --> 00:06:55.510 but that gives you an idea of what it is. 00:06:55.510 --> 00:06:58.232 Now the dirty little secret of therapy 00:06:58.232 --> 00:07:00.676 and kind of something that I think 00:07:00.676 --> 00:07:02.845 is really important for you to know. 00:07:02.845 --> 00:07:05.097 I feel like many therapists might be like: 00:07:05.097 --> 00:07:06.716 "Oh, thank God! Somebody's finally 00:07:06.716 --> 00:07:08.118 "telling people this" because 00:07:08.118 --> 00:07:10.127 I know a lot of you tell me all the time: 00:07:10.127 --> 00:07:11.896 "Yeah! I keep getting passed around". 00:07:11.896 --> 00:07:12.852 And people will say: 00:07:12.852 --> 00:07:14.373 "I don't really deal with that". 00:07:14.373 --> 00:07:16.333 And we don't know what to do! We're like: 00:07:16.333 --> 00:07:17.575 "Holy moly! I've been looking 00:07:17.575 --> 00:07:18.673 "for therapy forever 00:07:18.673 --> 00:07:19.863 "and I finally get to see somebody 00:07:19.863 --> 00:07:21.535 "and then you're like 'I don't see you' 00:07:21.535 --> 00:07:24.034 "Great! Thanks for nothing!" 00:07:24.034 --> 00:07:25.753 Right? And it's really frustrating. 00:07:25.753 --> 00:07:27.053 That can happen a lot. 00:07:27.053 --> 00:07:28.867 And that even perpetuates our struggle 00:07:28.867 --> 00:07:30.902 with abandonment if we are Borderline. 00:07:30.902 --> 00:07:33.050 Right? We're like: "Holy moly!" 00:07:33.050 --> 00:07:36.224 So why does that happen? Why? 00:07:36.224 --> 00:07:37.689 Why do we feel like we're so 00:07:37.689 --> 00:07:39.086 like the black sheep? 00:07:39.086 --> 00:07:41.254 And that's really because even in school 00:07:41.254 --> 00:07:42.563 as a therapist they tell us 00:07:42.563 --> 00:07:44.368 how difficult it is to treat someone 00:07:44.368 --> 00:07:47.301 with Borderline Personality Disorder. 00:07:47.301 --> 00:07:49.085 I almost feel like, yeah, 00:07:49.085 --> 00:07:50.233 they should let us know. 00:07:50.233 --> 00:07:51.470 But instead of saying that 00:07:51.470 --> 00:07:53.048 and just making it like: "You don't want 00:07:53.048 --> 00:07:53.974 "a lot of Borderline patients! 00:07:53.974 --> 00:07:55.645 "They're really hard to deal with!" 00:07:55.645 --> 00:07:56.994 And yeah, because you're volatile. 00:07:56.994 --> 00:07:58.472 Your mood's all over the place. 00:07:58.472 --> 00:08:00.437 You feel completely out of control. 00:08:00.437 --> 00:08:02.297 You're afraid people are gonna hurt you 00:08:02.297 --> 00:08:03.768 and you want to hurt yourself. 00:08:03.768 --> 00:08:06.347 I mean, it makes sense. Right? 00:08:06.347 --> 00:08:08.180 But as a therapist I'm not afraid 00:08:08.180 --> 00:08:09.587 of Borderline patients. 00:08:09.587 --> 00:08:12.111 It's really not that hard to deal with 00:08:12.111 --> 00:08:13.788 and that's why, to be honest, 00:08:13.788 --> 00:08:17.051 why I tell you all get a DBT workbook. 00:08:17.051 --> 00:08:19.028 Join a DBT group. 00:08:19.028 --> 00:08:20.524 DBT which stands for 00:08:20.524 --> 00:08:22.335 Dialectical Behavioral Therapy 00:08:22.335 --> 00:08:25.426 is the best thing. It's the saving grace 00:08:25.426 --> 00:08:27.392 for people who struggle with Borderline 00:08:27.392 --> 00:08:29.276 because it helps us get in control 00:08:29.276 --> 00:08:30.986 of our emotions a little bit more 00:08:30.986 --> 00:08:33.036 instead of feeling like they control us. 00:08:33.036 --> 00:08:34.752 So that extreme fear of abandonment, 00:08:34.752 --> 00:08:37.253 the mood volatility, the suicidal ideation 00:08:37.253 --> 00:08:38.940 and all of those characteristics, 00:08:38.940 --> 00:08:43.159 that intense anger, can all be calmed. 00:08:43.159 --> 00:08:44.558 We recognize it coming in. 00:08:44.558 --> 00:08:46.522 We can feel it. We use our Mindfulness. 00:08:46.522 --> 00:08:48.572 There's a lot of techniques that they use 00:08:48.572 --> 00:08:51.573 and it can kind of bring us back down. 00:08:51.573 --> 00:08:55.355 So that's why people avoid Borderline 00:08:55.355 --> 00:08:57.069 and people get a bad stigma, 00:08:57.069 --> 00:08:58.600 and it's really not so bad. 00:08:58.600 --> 00:09:00.435 We just have to work together. 00:09:00.435 --> 00:09:02.415 We need to get our DBT workbook. 00:09:02.415 --> 00:09:03.896 We need to start working on it. 00:09:03.896 --> 00:09:06.079 I know it's hard and it's intense. 00:09:06.079 --> 00:09:08.417 You feel it and ah! Right? 00:09:08.417 --> 00:09:11.752 But then we're calmer. We feel better. 00:09:11.752 --> 00:09:13.421 And therapists will be more willing 00:09:13.421 --> 00:09:14.699 to work with you. 00:09:14.699 --> 00:09:16.788 I just hate that it's given such a bad rep 00:09:16.788 --> 00:09:18.267 but people don't talk about it. 00:09:18.267 --> 00:09:18.956 They don't let us know. 00:09:18.956 --> 00:09:20.435 They don't tell you other than: 00:09:20.435 --> 00:09:22.225 "We won't see you anymore" 00:09:22.225 --> 00:09:23.969 or "I need to refer you out". 00:09:23.969 --> 00:09:26.334 That just makes us feel like shit. Right? 00:09:26.334 --> 00:09:27.952 So that's kind of a little insight 00:09:27.952 --> 00:09:30.323 into why that happens. 00:09:30.323 --> 00:09:31.759 So I hope that makes sense 00:09:31.759 --> 00:09:33.943 and I hope that that kind of clarifies 00:09:33.943 --> 00:09:37.067 what BPD is, why it's given a bad rep, 00:09:37.067 --> 00:09:38.781 how we're diagnosed with it 00:09:38.781 --> 00:09:40.812 and how we can work on it. 00:09:40.812 --> 00:09:43.281 So hop online! There's a great workbook 00:09:43.281 --> 00:09:44.975 for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy 00:09:44.975 --> 00:09:46.663 by Marsha Linehan. She's the one 00:09:46.663 --> 00:09:49.030 who did all of the research on DBT. 00:09:49.030 --> 00:09:50.663 She's actually the one who I think 00:09:50.663 --> 00:09:52.907 even coined the phrase "DBT Therapy". 00:09:52.907 --> 00:09:55.297 Check it out! Take time! 00:09:55.297 --> 00:09:57.600 Look into it. Look into DB... (mumbles) 00:09:57.600 --> 00:10:01.526 See? (mumbles) DBT groups in your area. 00:10:01.526 --> 00:10:03.630 We can get a hold of this. 00:10:03.630 --> 00:10:04.882 We can work together. 00:10:04.882 --> 00:10:06.892 And then we can get the help that we need. 00:10:06.892 --> 00:10:07.953 Right? 00:10:07.953 --> 00:10:09.864 So stay tuned for my next videos. 00:10:09.864 --> 00:10:11.117 Don't forget to subscribe. 00:10:11.117 --> 00:10:12.789 Give us a thumbs up if you like it. 00:10:12.789 --> 00:10:14.705 I plan on covering this topic more 00:10:14.705 --> 00:10:15.803 and I want to make sure 00:10:15.803 --> 00:10:17.756 if you like this topic and you want more. 00:10:17.756 --> 00:10:19.610 You give me a thumbs up and let me know 00:10:19.610 --> 00:10:20.993 'cause I will take that into consideration 00:10:20.993 --> 00:10:22.923 when I'm putting together my next video, 00:10:22.923 --> 00:10:23.782 as we work towards 00:10:23.782 --> 00:10:26.486 a Healthy Mind and a Healthy Body.