[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.57,0:00:11.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many of you are blamers?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.13,0:00:13.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many of you when \Nsomething goes wrong
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.52,0:00:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the first thing you want to \Nknow is whose fault it is?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.98,0:00:19.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hi, my name is Brene.\NI am a blamer. (laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.24,0:00:20.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to tell you\Nthis quick story.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.97,0:00:25.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this is a couple years ago when I first \Nrealized the magnitude to which I blame.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.28,0:00:28.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm in my house, I have on white\Nslacks and a pink sweater set
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.37,0:00:30.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm drinking a cup\Nof coffee in my kitchen.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.44,0:00:32.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a full cup of coffee.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.37,0:00:38.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I drop it on the tile floor, it goes into a \Nmillion pieces, splashes up all over me.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.67,0:00:42.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the first--I mean a \Nmillisecond after it hit the floor--
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.35,0:00:44.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right out of my mouth is this:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.72,0:00:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Damn you Steve."\N(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.50,0:00:50.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...who is my husband.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.96,0:00:54.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because let me tell you \Nhow fast this works for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.21,0:00:58.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Steve plays water polo \Nwith a group of friends
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.40,0:01:00.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the night before he\Nwent to go play water polo.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.90,0:01:02.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "Hey make sure \Nyou come back at ten
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.96,0:01:05.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cuz you know I can never fall \Nasleep until you're home."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.19,0:01:09.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he got back like at 10:30 and so I \Nwent to bed a little bit later than I thought.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.65,0:01:13.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ergo my second cup of coffee that I\Nprobably would not be having...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.33,0:01:16.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...had he come home \Nwhen we discussed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.44,0:01:17.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Therefore...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.56,0:01:24.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so the rest of the story is \NI'm cleaning up the kitchen,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.69,0:01:26.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Steve calls, caller ID...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.80,0:01:29.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm like, "Hey." \N(short, flat tone)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.11,0:01:30.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he's like, "Hey, \Nwhat's goin' on, Babe?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.76,0:01:34.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Brene scoffs) What's going on?\N(audience laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.75,0:01:38.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,\NSo, I'll tell you exactly what's going on.\N(audience laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.14,0:01:41.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm cleaning up the \Ncoffee that spilled all...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.13,0:01:44.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ZZZZ, like dial tone.\N(audience laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.88,0:01:46.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because he knows!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.31,0:01:49.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many of you go to that place when\Nsomething bad happens the first thing
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.10,0:01:52.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you want to know is whose fault is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.12,0:01:57.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,\NI'd rather it be my fault than no \None's fault. Because why? Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.02,0:02:00.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because it gives us some \Nsemblance of control.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.31,0:02:02.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But here, if you enjoy blaming,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.35,0:02:04.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is where you should stick \Nyour fingers in your ear
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.57,0:02:07.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and do the nuh-nuh-nuh thing because\NI'm getting ready to ruin it for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.56,0:02:09.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because here's what we \Nknow from the research:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.92,0:02:16.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,blame is simply the discharging\Nof discomfort and pain.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.06,0:02:20.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It has an inverse relationship \Nwith accountability.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.78,0:02:24.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Accountability by definition\Nis a vulnerable process.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.26,0:02:26.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It means me calling you and saying,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.44,0:02:29.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey, my feelings were really \Nhurt about this," and talking.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.18,0:02:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not blaming.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.36,0:02:34.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blaming is simply a way\Nthat we discharge anger.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.14,0:02:39.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People who blame a lot seldom \Nhave the tenacity and grit
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.09,0:02:41.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to actually hold people accountable
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.65,0:02:45.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we expend all of our \Nenergy raging for 15 seconds
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.86,0:02:48.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and figuring out\Nwho's fault something is.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.64,0:02:51.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And blaming is very \Ncorrosive in relationships
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.10,0:02:55.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's one of the reasons we miss \Nour opportunities for empathy.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.57,0:02:58.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when something happens \Nand we're hearing a story
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.87,0:03:01.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're not really listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.09,0:03:02.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're in the place where I was:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.73,0:03:06.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,making the connections as quickly as we \Ncan about whose fault something was.\N