[Hartman] What's your name, scumbag?
[Snowball] Sir, Private Brown, sir!
[Hartman] Bullshit, from now on you're Private Snowball.
do you like that name?
[Snowball] Sir, yes, sir!
[Hartman] Well there's one thing that you won't like, Private Snowball
they don't serve fried chicken and water- melon on a daily basis in my mess halls
[Snowball] Sir, yes, sir!
[Joker] Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
[Hartman] Who said that?
Who the fuck said that?!
Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here
who just signed his own death warrant?!
Nobody, huh?
The fairy fucking godmother said it... out-fucking-standing
I will PT you all until you fucking die!
I'll PT you until your assholes are are sucking buttermilk!
Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, HUH?
[Cowboy] Sir, no, sir
[Hartman] You little piece of shit, you look like a fucking worm
I bet it was you!
[Cowboy] Sir, no, sir!
[Joker] Sir, I said it, sir!
[Hartman] Well...no shit...
What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker?
I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you.
You can come over to my house and fuck my sister
You little scumbag! I've got your name I've got your ass!
You will not laugh, you will not cry.
You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you
Now get up, get on your feet!
You had best untuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!
[Hartman] How tall are you, Private?
[Cowboy] Sir, 5"9, sir!
[Hartman] 5"9 I didn't know they stacked shit that high
You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, HUH?
[Cowboy] Sir, no, sir!
[Hartman] Bullshit, it looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of
your momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!
I think you've been cheated!
Where in the hell are you from anyway, Private?
[Cowboy] Sir, Texas, sir!
[Hartman] Holy dog shit! Texas, only steers and queers come from Texas,
Private Cowboy
and you don't much look like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down.
do you suck dicks?
[Cowboy] Sir, no sir!
[Hartman] Are you a Peter Puffer?
[Cowboy] Sir, no, sir!
[Hartman] I bet you're the kinda guy that would fuck a person in the ass and
not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around
I'll be watching you
Have your parents had any children that lived?
[Pyle] Sir, yes, sir
[Hartman] I bet they regret that
you're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece
what's your name, fat body?
[Pyle] Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir
[Hartman] Lawrence. Lawrence of what? Arabia?
[Pyle] Sir, no, sir
[Hartman] That name sounds like royalty, are you royalty?
[Pyle] Sir, no, sir
[Hartman] Do you suck dicks?
[Pyle] Sir, no, sir
[Hartman] Bullshit, I bet you can suck a golfball through a garden hose
[Pyle] Sir, no sir
[Hartman] I don't like the name Lawrence, only faggots n sailors are called Lawrence
From now on you're goin' for Pyle!
[Pyle] Sir, yes, sir
[Hartman] Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
[Pyle] Sir, no, sir
[Hartman] Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face
[Pyle] Sir, yes, sir
...
[Hartman] Well any fucking time, sweetheart!
[Pyle] Sir, I'm trying, sir
[Hartman] Private Pyle, I'm gonna give you three seconds
exactly three fucking seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face
or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you!
One!
Two!
Three!
[Pyle] Sir, I can't help it, sir
[Hartman] Bullshit! Get on your knees, scumbag!
Now choke yourself.
Are you through grinning?
[Pyle] Sir, yes, sir...
[Hartman] Bullshit, I can't hear you
[Pyle] Sir, yes, sir..!
[Hartman] Bullshit, I still can't hear you Sound off like you've got a pair!
[Private] ..Sir, yes, sir!
[Hartman] That's enough, get on your feet.
Left shoulder, hut!
Private Pyle, what are you trying to do to my beloved corps?
[Pyle] Sir, I don't know, sir!
[Hartman] You are dumb, Private Pyle but do you expect me to believe that you
don't know left from right?
[Pyle] Sir, no, sir!
[Hartman] Then you did that on purpose. You wanna be different!
[Pyle] Sir, no, sir!
[Hartman] What side was that, Private Pyle?
[Pyle] Sir, left side, sir!
[Hartman] Are you sure, Private Pyle?
[Pyle] Sir, yes, sir!
[Hartman] What side was that, Private Pyle?
[Pyle] Sir, right side, sir!
[Hartman] Don't fuck with me again, Pyle. Pick up your fucking cover.
Tonight...
You pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl's name.
Because this is only pussy
you people are going to get.
Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary Jane Rottencrotch
through her purtty pink panties are over!
you're married to this piece. This weapon of iron and wood.
And you will be faithful!
[Hartman] This is my rifle, this is my gun
[corps] This is for fighting this is for fun
[Hartman] This is my rifle, this is my gun
[corps] This is for fighting this is for fun
[Hartman] This is my rifle, this is my gun
[corps] This is for fighting this is for fun
[Hartman] Quickly!
Get your fat ass over there, Private Pyle. Oh that's right, Private Pyle.
Don't make any fucking effort to get up to the top of the fucking obstacle
I'll bet you if there was some pussy up there on top of that obstacle, you could
get up there.
Couldn't you?
[Pyle] Sir, yes, sir!
[Hartman] Your ass looks like about 150 pounds of chewed bubblegum, Pyle.
you know that?
[Pyle] Sir, yes, sir!
[Hartman] One for the commandant.
One for the corps.
Get up there. Pull!
I guess the corps don't get theirs. Get up there, Pyle!
Pull! Pull, Pyle, pull!
One pull-up, Pyle. Come on, pull!
You gotta be shittin' me, Pyle! Get your ass up there!
Do you mean to tell me that you cannot do one single pull-up?!
You are a worthless piece of shit, Pyle!
Get out of my face!
Get up there, Snowball!
Quickly, move it up! Move it up, Pyle! Move it up!
You climb obstacles like old people fuck, you know that, Private Pyle?!
Holy Jesus...
What is that?
What the fuck is that?!
WHAT IS THAT, PRIVATE PYLE?
[Pyle] Sir, a jelly doughnut, sir!
[Hartman] A jelly doughnut?
[Pyle] Sir, yes, sir!
[Hartman] From now on, whenever Private Pyle fucks up...
I will not punish him! I will punish all of YOU!
And the way I see it, ladies...
You owe me for one jelly doughnut!
Now get on your faces.
Open your mouth.
They're payin' for it, YOU eat it!
[Cowboy] Remember, it's just a bad dream, fat boy.
[Hartman] Outstanding, Private Pyle.
I think we finally found something that you do well.
[Pyle] Sir, yes, sir!
[Pyle] Hi, Joker...
[Hartman] Get back in your bunks!
What is this Mickey Mouse shit?!
What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my head?
Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights-out?
Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon?
Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?
[Joker] Sir, it is the private's duty to inform the senior drill instructor that
Private Pyle has a full magazine that is locked and loaded, Sir!
Now, you listen to me, Private Pyle.
And you listen good.
I want that weapon, and I want it now.
You will place that rifle on the deck at your feet
and step back away from it.
What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?
Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?