Hey John!

You know the way the Electric Picnic Festival sold out in minutes?

Well guess who just got two tickets for the lads?

Thanks, but no thanks.

What? You don't want to come?

No, everyone knows that as soon as a festival sells out...

Its not cool anymore.

Really?

No, I'm going to Sanctum Festival instead.

Sanctum?

Never heard of it.

Exactly.

They said it's sold so few tickets its making a massive financial loss.

So it has to be cool.

What's the vibe?

It's like a mixture between spoken word and yodeling.

Yodeling?

Ye well it's not all yodeling.

There is the Heart and Soul field

It's 18 square kilometers of art installations.

Wow.

And instead of food trucks they have these things called

Bins.

Bins?

And there's no money

You pay for everything in poems.

And it's strictly non smoking.

Oh well that's healthy.

Only vaping.

Oh.

Now this catches people out sometimes but instead

of portaloos they have these bespoke shallow trench latrines.

So like a hole in the ground?

Ye that reminds me I must pack extra dock leaves.

So it's kinda like an eco friendly buzz is it?

Ye pretty much all the electricity is generated by

four Penny Farthings and a High Nelly.

Are you driving down?

No access is only by horse drawn cart.

And when you get there they make you take off your shoes

and give you a towel and a bar of soap.

Sounds like a prison.

Ye but its 480 Euro a ticket.

Do you still need to borrow my tent?

Oh no thanks I'm staying in a bivouac made from sea-weed and oatmilk.

Sounds robust.

Not that I'll be getting much sleep.

The yodel in the woods is meant to go all night long.

Sanctum?

Sounds like a real cultural Mecca.

Ye.

I'm going to get absolutely F*&ked!

Doomdah.

Thank you very much for watching we are Foil Arms and Hog

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We are not at the Electric Picnic Festival but we are back

at the Dublin Fringe Festival with 'Craicling'

Doomdahhhhhhh.....