WEBVTT 00:00:52.833 --> 00:00:56.667 One, two, three... 00:00:59.066 --> 00:01:00.328 Yo, what comes after three? 00:01:00.700 --> 00:01:02.827 Four. Four comes after three. 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:04.991 - I don't hear you counting. - Four. 00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:08.061 Four. 00:01:08.233 --> 00:01:10.758 - Five. - Five. 00:02:03.666 --> 00:02:07.500 One, two, three... 00:02:07.666 --> 00:02:09.725 ...three, three. 00:02:09.900 --> 00:02:11.162 Yo, what comes after three? 00:02:11.533 --> 00:02:13.660 Four. Four comes after three. 00:02:13.833 --> 00:02:15.824 - I don't hear you counting. - Four. 00:02:17.233 --> 00:02:18.894 Four. 00:02:19.066 --> 00:02:21.591 - Five. - Five. 00:02:21.766 --> 00:02:24.234 - Six. - Six. Faster. 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:27.164 - Seven, eight. - Sims. Sims! 00:02:27.333 --> 00:02:28.766 You're going home. 00:02:37.466 --> 00:02:39.093 I'll see you around, sweet mouth. 00:02:40.433 --> 00:02:42.094 Inmate on deck. 00:02:42.766 --> 00:02:44.961 - He'll be back. - What's up, baby? 00:02:45.133 --> 00:02:46.657 See you around, big man. 00:02:47.933 --> 00:02:49.594 Gate open. 00:03:12.199 --> 00:03:14.361 Where the hell is this guy? 00:03:24.366 --> 00:03:26.596 Cal. Cal. 00:03:31.533 --> 00:03:33.899 - What an idiot. - Let me pop this door for my man. 00:03:34.066 --> 00:03:36.057 My main man, just getting home from prison. 00:03:38.833 --> 00:03:42.428 - Percy. - I'm sorry, Cal. 00:03:42.599 --> 00:03:44.227 You stupid? 00:03:45.900 --> 00:03:48.835 All right, wait. Hold up. So they want us to steal a diamond? 00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:52.993 - How much your man Walken paying? - Dig this. A hundred G's. 00:03:53.166 --> 00:03:55.134 A hundred G's? 00:03:55.333 --> 00:03:57.597 - That's good loot. - Enough to get my label started. 00:03:58.133 --> 00:04:00.966 Let me give you a taste of my first single. 00:04:03.400 --> 00:04:05.163 - It's fire. - Yeah. 00:04:06.566 --> 00:04:08.124 Never been shot before... 00:04:08.300 --> 00:04:11.736 ...but I've been beat about the skull and the neck area with a crowbar. 00:04:11.900 --> 00:04:13.663 Check the lyrics, check the lyrics. 00:04:14.133 --> 00:04:15.862 I'll take you to the butcher shop 00:04:16.333 --> 00:04:18.563 Let you lick a big pork chop 00:04:18.733 --> 00:04:20.894 Girl, I know you like ham hocks 00:04:21.065 --> 00:04:24.365 If you're Jewish, I even got lox Hey! Hey! 00:04:25.266 --> 00:04:26.597 Yo, camel-mouth. 00:04:26.766 --> 00:04:30.361 - That's 50 Cent. - Cal, that's not 50 Cent. 00:04:30.533 --> 00:04:31.830 He talk about candy. 00:04:32.533 --> 00:04:34.398 I'm talking about meat. 00:04:34.566 --> 00:04:37.262 That's a whole other level. P-Unit. 00:04:37.433 --> 00:04:39.594 You better off stuffing your money in a mattress. 00:04:39.766 --> 00:04:42.530 Yeah. I bet you gonna mess your money up... 00:04:42.699 --> 00:04:44.167 ...on booze and cheap hookers. 00:04:44.333 --> 00:04:45.561 - So? - What you need to do... 00:04:45.733 --> 00:04:48.201 ...is iust find you a nice girl and settle down, Cal. 00:04:48.366 --> 00:04:50.197 Come on, P, you know that ain't happening. 00:04:50.366 --> 00:04:52.732 I mean, you being all short and all. 00:04:53.566 --> 00:04:55.431 Let me tell you something about love. 00:04:55.600 --> 00:04:59.161 I never had it. I don't want it. I don't need it. All right? 00:05:00.166 --> 00:05:02.828 You ain't gotta keep hitting me, Calvin. I'm not your child. 00:05:03.000 --> 00:05:06.902 How am I gonna be a hard-core rapper if you keep putting your hands on me? 00:05:07.066 --> 00:05:12.163 Don't push me Because I'm close to the edge 00:05:12.333 --> 00:05:15.200 Check this out. You hang in the back until Vanessa gets here. 00:05:15.366 --> 00:05:16.958 When I give a signal, you come out. 00:05:17.133 --> 00:05:18.191 That's cool. I got you. 00:05:18.366 --> 00:05:21.028 Hey, Jimmy, please, man. This is the biggest day of my life. 00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:24.499 - It's gotta go off right, okay? - Baby, what'd I tell you? I got you. 00:05:24.666 --> 00:05:26.156 And can I say something? 00:05:26.333 --> 00:05:29.097 - Congratulations, man. - Thank you. 00:05:29.266 --> 00:05:32.099 You done stepped up to the plate. Give me a hug, homeboy. 00:05:32.266 --> 00:05:35.429 Oh, man, you done did it, you know. 00:05:37.500 --> 00:05:40.367 Hey, man, you ain't had to do this. 00:05:41.366 --> 00:05:42.924 You know, the valet tripping. 00:05:43.100 --> 00:05:45.568 - Made me park around the corner. - Jimmy, get- Beat it. 00:05:45.733 --> 00:05:47.360 - Thank you. Thank you. - Get on it. 00:05:51.966 --> 00:05:54.730 - Hi. - Hey, beautiful. 00:05:56.266 --> 00:05:58.860 So I'm so glad that you got out of work to be here. 00:05:59.199 --> 00:06:03.967 You think I wouldn't take off work? And miss this? Are you crazy? 00:06:04.133 --> 00:06:05.862 Look at you, beautiful. 00:06:06.033 --> 00:06:08.900 - You are glowing. My God. - Thank you. 00:06:10.199 --> 00:06:12.065 It feels like it was iust yesterday... 00:06:12.566 --> 00:06:15.558 ...sitting in this same restaurant, when I asked you to marry me. 00:06:16.399 --> 00:06:19.233 I'm still working on that diamond. I didn't forget the diamond. 00:06:19.399 --> 00:06:23.063 I know, baby. You are the sweetest, most supportive man on the planet. 00:06:24.800 --> 00:06:25.824 Can I talk now? 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:27.968 - I'm sorry. Go ahead. - Okay. 00:06:28.133 --> 00:06:30.863 So you know what I've been waiting all week to find out. 00:06:31.033 --> 00:06:32.728 Yes. Yep. 00:06:32.899 --> 00:06:35.095 - Well, I got the news... - Yeah. 00:06:35.266 --> 00:06:38.758 - ... and I'm- - Pregnant. Yes! Yes! 00:06:39.266 --> 00:06:41.826 - Having my baby - Oh, no. 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:43.831 - Is so important to me - No. No, no. 00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:45.900 - Darryl. Darryl. - Baby. 00:06:46.066 --> 00:06:49.229 - There's nothing more special - Darryl- No, honey, I'm not pregnant. 00:06:49.399 --> 00:06:51.231 - I'm not pregnant. - Than to raise a family 00:06:51.399 --> 00:06:53.868 - Excuse me, sir. Sir. Sir. - I thought that you- 00:06:54.033 --> 00:06:55.159 - Hey. - And- 00:06:55.333 --> 00:06:56.800 - Sir. - Jimmy. 00:06:57.399 --> 00:06:59.334 - And- - Sir! 00:06:59.899 --> 00:07:01.993 No. Stop. No. 00:07:03.066 --> 00:07:04.328 I'm not pregnant. 00:07:05.366 --> 00:07:07.391 - No? - No. 00:07:12.699 --> 00:07:13.689 You're not pregnant? 00:07:13.866 --> 00:07:16.733 Baby, but you was nauseous and throwing up all over the place. 00:07:16.899 --> 00:07:18.265 Well, I was very nervous. 00:07:19.000 --> 00:07:20.661 Baby, what are we doing here? 00:07:21.766 --> 00:07:22.994 Darryl... 00:07:23.166 --> 00:07:24.963 ...I got the promotion. 00:07:25.133 --> 00:07:28.569 And we're movin' on up To the east side 00:07:28.733 --> 00:07:29.995 Jimmy. 00:07:30.166 --> 00:07:32.634 They'll be movin' on up To that apartment in the sky 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:36.702 - I'm gonna hurt him. - Hey. Hey, Jimmy. Jimmy, stop. 00:07:36.866 --> 00:07:39.096 - Man- Man, you ain't got to do this. - Hey... 00:07:39.600 --> 00:07:41.568 - Okay, then. All right. - Beat it. 00:07:44.033 --> 00:07:46.263 Congratulations. I'm really proud of you. 00:07:48.833 --> 00:07:50.232 But? 00:07:51.100 --> 00:07:53.227 But I thought we was gonna start a family. 00:07:54.633 --> 00:07:56.533 We will, baby. 00:07:57.000 --> 00:08:00.231 You know, with this promotion, everything's on track now. 00:08:00.399 --> 00:08:04.427 In a couple of years I'll be senior V.P., and I can take time off to have a child. 00:08:04.600 --> 00:08:06.568 A couple of years? I don't wanna wait years. 00:08:06.733 --> 00:08:09.065 Darryl, you know, having a baby changes everything. 00:08:09.500 --> 00:08:11.297 Hey, I'm willing to do whatever it takes. 00:08:11.466 --> 00:08:13.559 So no more late-night poker with the guys. 00:08:14.333 --> 00:08:15.322 Cool. 00:08:15.966 --> 00:08:17.263 No more... 00:08:17.433 --> 00:08:19.162 ...afternoon quickies. 00:08:19.333 --> 00:08:21.824 Stop right there. We haven't had a afternoon quickie... 00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:23.331 ...since your father moved in. 00:08:23.500 --> 00:08:27.095 That is not fair. My dad is getting old. Sometimes he forgets things. 00:08:27.266 --> 00:08:29.564 I don't feel comfortable with him living by himself. 00:08:29.733 --> 00:08:30.995 What about Whispering Glen? 00:08:31.166 --> 00:08:33.726 That place looked like a country club inside the brochure. 00:08:33.899 --> 00:08:35.832 They got Viagra vending machines. 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:36.989 You listen to me. 00:08:37.166 --> 00:08:40.727 Until he is a danger to himself or others, he is staying with us. 00:08:42.566 --> 00:08:43.760 Now... 00:08:43.933 --> 00:08:45.594 ...can we celebrate? 00:08:45.766 --> 00:08:50.760 Celebration, come on We gonna celebrate tonight 00:08:50.933 --> 00:08:54.164 Come on, come on, let's celebrate Let's not have a fight 00:08:54.333 --> 00:08:56.494 And I'm not talking tonight 00:08:56.666 --> 00:08:58.600 Remix! Now just you ladies 00:08:59.299 --> 00:09:03.760 Celebrate, celebrate Celebrate, celebrate 00:09:16.500 --> 00:09:18.764 Hey, oblivious. What are you doing? 00:09:18.933 --> 00:09:21.026 Getting ready to rob a iewelry store, Calvin. 00:09:21.200 --> 00:09:22.690 I'm going straight Jesse James. 00:09:22.866 --> 00:09:26.097 Percy, put the gun away. Guns is how you wind up back in prison. 00:09:26.266 --> 00:09:29.895 I'm telling you, I ain't going back to jail. You understand? 00:09:30.066 --> 00:09:31.761 Now put the gun away. 00:09:32.200 --> 00:09:33.758 Why you gotta keep hitting me, Cal? 00:09:33.933 --> 00:09:36.595 Sometimes I gotta slap some sense into you, Percy. 00:09:36.766 --> 00:09:37.824 Come on. Give me a hand. 00:09:42.033 --> 00:09:43.500 Now, would you trust the big man? 00:09:44.933 --> 00:09:46.423 I got a plan, yo. 00:09:47.066 --> 00:09:52.231 Now, this stone is a 3-karat, G- color diamond. 00:09:52.399 --> 00:09:56.200 - VVS2, nearly flawless. - It's been a pleasure, sir. 00:09:56.600 --> 00:09:58.158 Just be cool, Cal. I'm telling you. 00:09:58.466 --> 00:10:00.627 Oh, there she go. There's- 00:10:00.799 --> 00:10:02.267 Go ahead. Do your thing, Cal. 00:10:12.966 --> 00:10:15.434 Pardon me for iust a moment. 00:10:17.600 --> 00:10:19.830 - Do your thing. - Yes? May I help you? 00:10:21.500 --> 00:10:25.197 Percy. CEO and A&R of P-Unit Records. 00:10:25.366 --> 00:10:27.357 Here to pick up iewelry for one of my artists. 00:10:27.833 --> 00:10:29.858 Well, holler at your girl. 00:10:31.233 --> 00:10:32.598 Step this way, Percy P. 00:10:32.766 --> 00:10:34.757 I like the way you said my name just now. 00:10:34.933 --> 00:10:36.491 Can I sit down? She's sitting down. 00:10:36.666 --> 00:10:38.998 Of course you may. Would you like some gin and juice? 00:10:57.433 --> 00:10:59.901 Well, I'm gonna show you some shiznit right about now. 00:11:03.233 --> 00:11:06.828 Yes. Come to daddy. 00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:21.030 Now that's what I'm talking about, baby. 00:11:21.200 --> 00:11:23.327 So, what can I get for you today, Percy P.? 00:11:25.233 --> 00:11:27.201 All of the above. 00:11:31.100 --> 00:11:33.500 I'll send one of my assistants from P-Unit Records... 00:11:33.666 --> 00:11:34.928 ...to pick everything up. 00:11:35.100 --> 00:11:39.093 Just tell him to pull up to my bumper, and I'll throw that junk in his trunk. 00:11:39.733 --> 00:11:40.893 Word? 00:11:42.066 --> 00:11:44.125 Let me get up out of here. I gotta bounce. 00:11:44.299 --> 00:11:46.768 I got some people meeting me down there, and I gotta... 00:11:47.100 --> 00:11:49.159 So I'm gonna leave, you know? 00:11:49.566 --> 00:11:52.831 - Okay? See you later, all right? Peace. - Peace. 00:11:54.633 --> 00:11:56.157 Be cool. What's going on in there? 00:11:56.333 --> 00:11:57.994 Has anyone seen my dog? 00:11:59.633 --> 00:12:00.657 Hi, puppy. 00:12:06.066 --> 00:12:07.590 He stole my dog. 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:10.989 Holy crap. 00:12:11.866 --> 00:12:13.766 The Queen's diamond. It's gone. 00:12:13.933 --> 00:12:16.697 Relax. We almost there, man. We about to be paid, man. 00:12:16.866 --> 00:12:19.664 I need the police. Yes, there's been a robbery. 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:25.060 We did it. Modern-day Butch Cassidy and Sundance. 00:12:25.233 --> 00:12:27.428 Come back here with my dog. 00:12:28.033 --> 00:12:30.593 - Get out of here, mutt. - You just tossed a Chihuahua. 00:12:30.766 --> 00:12:33.599 - Come on, let's get out of here. - Gotcha that. We are gone. 00:12:33.766 --> 00:12:35.063 Come on, Percy. 00:12:37.833 --> 00:12:40.358 - Oh, man. - This ain't time to be doing doughnuts. 00:12:43.733 --> 00:12:45.030 I can't believe this, man. 00:12:45.366 --> 00:12:46.924 Damn it, Percy. 00:12:47.100 --> 00:12:50.001 You got a boot on the car, and you about to get one in your butt. 00:12:50.166 --> 00:12:52.100 - She finally got me. - Who? 00:12:52.266 --> 00:12:55.167 Nettie, down at Motor Vehicles. Said I got her pregnant. 00:12:55.333 --> 00:12:57.767 I went to family court. I had all my receipts. 00:12:58.733 --> 00:12:59.859 I'm out. 00:13:00.933 --> 00:13:03.595 - Hey, yo, Percy. You forgot something. - What? 00:13:03.766 --> 00:13:05.597 Me! 00:13:06.500 --> 00:13:09.492 - Come on! - Sorry, Cal. 00:13:17.533 --> 00:13:19.467 - They went that way. - What'd he look like? 00:13:19.633 --> 00:13:21.191 - Black. - I got him. 00:13:21.366 --> 00:13:23.493 - Dark or light? - Medium. 00:13:23.666 --> 00:13:26.157 Suspect is escaping on foot. African-American male. 00:13:26.333 --> 00:13:29.166 About 5'1 O", not real dark, more of a mocha-caramel color. 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:40.724 What? You shot? 00:13:40.966 --> 00:13:43.867 Sweet beiesus. My muscle, I think I pulled it. 00:13:44.033 --> 00:13:45.830 Quick. In here. 00:13:48.666 --> 00:13:50.691 Yo, quick, put me down. We gotta split up. 00:13:50.866 --> 00:13:52.390 Okay. 00:14:00.766 --> 00:14:03.997 It's late because of the stress, not because I'm pregnant. 00:14:04.166 --> 00:14:07.658 Please, don't even say words like "stress. " It's not good for the baby. 00:14:08.166 --> 00:14:10.361 Darryl, there is no baby. 00:14:10.533 --> 00:14:12.660 - Aisle two. - Well, why didn't you just say that? 00:14:24.266 --> 00:14:27.633 - Okay, let's go. - Okay, fine. Just humor me, okay? 00:14:27.799 --> 00:14:29.495 - Okay, let's go. - Okay. 00:14:33.433 --> 00:14:37.369 - Enough. - Okay, okay. 00:14:43.700 --> 00:14:45.327 I got one! 00:14:50.733 --> 00:14:53.725 - Come on, man. - Do not resist. Do not resist. 00:14:53.899 --> 00:14:55.834 - I'm not resisting. - Wilson. Wilson. Wilson. 00:14:56.000 --> 00:14:57.433 Come on. It's not our guy. 00:14:57.600 --> 00:14:59.830 What? You said African-American. 00:15:00.133 --> 00:15:02.431 Yeah, but I said a mocha-caramel color. 00:15:02.600 --> 00:15:05.262 He's like a Starbucks black decaf, maybe a little cream. 00:15:05.733 --> 00:15:07.997 - It's not our guy. Sorry about that. - Come on, man. 00:15:08.166 --> 00:15:10.828 - You sure? - Yeah. He's okay. 00:15:13.733 --> 00:15:15.860 - Wilson! - Well, he looked mocha to me. 00:15:18.200 --> 00:15:20.998 - Thank you. - What? 00:15:23.166 --> 00:15:25.600 He looked real shady. He gonna do something else, and I'll be waiting. 00:15:28.200 --> 00:15:29.758 - You still got the diamond? - No. 00:15:29.933 --> 00:15:31.730 - I had to ditch it. - Where? 00:15:33.266 --> 00:15:34.824 In her bag. 00:15:35.000 --> 00:15:36.399 Calvin, now what? 00:15:36.566 --> 00:15:37.658 We go get it. 00:15:40.566 --> 00:15:42.397 Let's go. Come on. 00:15:49.933 --> 00:15:51.833 Follow that car. 00:16:13.833 --> 00:16:15.027 Yo, there they are. 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:16.428 - There is no baby. - There is. 00:16:16.600 --> 00:16:19.068 - Honey, there is no baby. - Well, there will be. 00:16:20.100 --> 00:16:21.567 Let's go. 00:16:27.033 --> 00:16:28.227 Daddy, we're home. 00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:32.161 - There's my baby girl. - Hi, Daddy. 00:16:34.100 --> 00:16:36.159 Who's the best daddy in the whole, wide world? 00:16:36.333 --> 00:16:38.699 - I am. - I know you can do better than that. 00:16:38.866 --> 00:16:41.096 Who's the best daddy in the whole, wide world? 00:16:41.266 --> 00:16:44.030 - I am. - I can't hear you. 00:16:44.200 --> 00:16:46.361 I'm the best daddy in the whole, wide world! 00:16:59.433 --> 00:17:00.832 So, what's the good news? 00:17:01.000 --> 00:17:02.433 Dad... 00:17:02.600 --> 00:17:04.031 ...I got the promotion. 00:17:04.665 --> 00:17:08.693 Congratulations. Soon you'll make enough money to leave that bum. 00:17:08.866 --> 00:17:10.560 Oh, Dad, he's not a bum. 00:17:10.733 --> 00:17:13.429 No? What kind of man gives the woman he loves... 00:17:13.598 --> 00:17:15.192 ...a wedding ring with no diamond? 00:17:15.366 --> 00:17:18.529 Hey, as soon as I make enough money, I'm gonna buy her a diamond. 00:17:18.700 --> 00:17:21.098 And I'm going to do the nasty with Jennifer Lopez... 00:17:21.266 --> 00:17:24.165 ...while Halle Berry tickle my butt. 00:17:25.233 --> 00:17:27.929 You know, for a moment I thought you were gonna tell me... 00:17:28.098 --> 00:17:30.159 ...you were gonna let this one impregnate you. 00:17:30.333 --> 00:17:33.063 But I see now, this man ain't got no bullets in the chamber. 00:17:33.233 --> 00:17:34.700 What's that supposed to mean? 00:17:34.866 --> 00:17:36.834 You heard me. You're shooting blanks. 00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:39.662 - Cooking with a wet noodle. - What? 00:17:39.833 --> 00:17:41.664 Can't hoist the mainsail 00:17:41.833 --> 00:17:45.234 My sperm have fallen and it can't get up. 00:17:45.400 --> 00:17:47.391 I'll have you know, I hit that every night. 00:17:47.566 --> 00:17:49.397 Hey, that's my daughter you talking about. 00:17:49.566 --> 00:17:52.330 - Back up, old man. - Okay, okay. Stop. Stop. Please. 00:17:52.500 --> 00:17:53.524 Gentlemen. 00:17:53.700 --> 00:17:58.637 Dad, we are going to have a baby when the time is right. 00:17:59.433 --> 00:18:01.628 Play nice. 00:18:08.966 --> 00:18:10.160 It's still in the bag. 00:18:11.233 --> 00:18:14.134 Still in the bag. Let's go get the rock. 00:18:14.299 --> 00:18:17.861 Yo, Percy, how many times I gotta tell you? No guns. 00:18:18.033 --> 00:18:19.022 What we gonna do? 00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:22.169 Walken is gonna kill us if we don't give him the diamond. 00:18:22.333 --> 00:18:24.358 Then I guess we gotta find a way to sneak in. 00:18:28.566 --> 00:18:31.330 Well, they did say they wanted a baby. 00:18:32.266 --> 00:18:34.632 No. No. 00:18:34.799 --> 00:18:37.530 No. I ain't dressing up like no baby. 00:18:38.599 --> 00:18:41.433 Keep still, Cal. You heavy. You gonna make me drop you. 00:18:41.599 --> 00:18:44.091 You drop me and I'm gonna drop you. 00:18:44.266 --> 00:18:45.927 Now, look, you stay close. 00:18:46.099 --> 00:18:48.694 I'm gonna go in, I'm gonna get the diamond, and I'm out. 00:18:48.866 --> 00:18:53.166 If you don't mind me saying, Cal, you make a cute little baby. 00:18:53.333 --> 00:18:54.391 I'm out. 00:18:54.566 --> 00:18:56.830 You couldn't find nothing better than a dog basket? 00:18:57.000 --> 00:19:00.436 You iust be cool. I told you, this gonna be great, Cal. 00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:06.231 Just hold tight. Everything gonna be fine. 00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:08.561 I'm gonna be over here in the bushes. 00:19:17.466 --> 00:19:18.728 Move, dog. 00:19:18.900 --> 00:19:20.925 Get out of here. I'll make a coat out of you. 00:19:21.099 --> 00:19:23.432 Get out of here before I feed you some chocolate. 00:19:24.099 --> 00:19:26.568 Get out of here, you fleabag. 00:19:26.733 --> 00:19:28.394 - Go. - Get out of here. 00:19:28.566 --> 00:19:30.591 Wait, hold- Wait. Muttley, wait. No, no. 00:19:46.433 --> 00:19:47.832 Honey. 00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:49.729 - Yeah? - Come here. 00:19:50.099 --> 00:19:51.931 - What is it, Darryl? - Look. 00:19:54.833 --> 00:19:56.596 Oh, my God. 00:19:56.766 --> 00:19:58.233 It's a baby. 00:20:00.200 --> 00:20:02.225 I know. And here's a note too. 00:20:02.566 --> 00:20:04.761 "Plez luk tafter Kalvin. 00:20:04.933 --> 00:20:08.425 We wuzn't abele to keap em. " 00:20:08.599 --> 00:20:10.534 Poor guy. His parents must've been retarded. 00:20:11.400 --> 00:20:12.992 Well, let's get him inside. 00:20:13.166 --> 00:20:15.532 - It's cold out here. - Okay, okay. All right. 00:20:15.700 --> 00:20:16.894 Come on, little guy. 00:20:17.066 --> 00:20:18.931 - Yes. - I got you. 00:20:21.766 --> 00:20:23.324 Oh, damn. 00:20:23.866 --> 00:20:25.993 - What in the hell is that? - I don't know. 00:20:27.433 --> 00:20:28.832 Man. 00:20:29.233 --> 00:20:31.497 Dad, we found a baby on the doorstep. 00:20:31.666 --> 00:20:34.362 - What? What is it? A boy or girl? - Dada. 00:20:34.633 --> 00:20:35.998 I think it's a boy. 00:20:36.166 --> 00:20:38.327 Well, whatever it is, it smell like piss. 00:20:39.466 --> 00:20:42.162 Yeah. I think Janet may have left diapers here. Let's look. 00:20:42.333 --> 00:20:44.392 Doesn't your dad have some diapers upstairs? 00:20:44.566 --> 00:20:47.160 I heard that. I don't wear diapers. Who you talking about? 00:20:47.766 --> 00:20:49.256 Haven't worn a diaper in years. 00:20:49.433 --> 00:20:51.424 I think she put them in here. 00:20:58.799 --> 00:21:00.358 What is it? 00:21:02.266 --> 00:21:04.427 That ain't no baby. That's a porn star. 00:21:05.200 --> 00:21:08.169 What on girth is that? 00:21:09.000 --> 00:21:11.366 I'm gonna call Child Services. 00:21:11.533 --> 00:21:12.591 - Yeah. - Yeah. Do that. 00:21:19.000 --> 00:21:20.092 Directory assistance. 00:21:20.266 --> 00:21:23.064 Yes, can I have the number for Child Services, please? 00:21:23.233 --> 00:21:24.894 Connecting you. 00:21:25.766 --> 00:21:28.428 Child Services is now closed for the weekend. 00:21:28.599 --> 00:21:32.127 We will re-open at 9 a. m. Monday morning. 00:21:36.233 --> 00:21:37.666 They're closed for the weekend. 00:21:37.833 --> 00:21:40.597 The office doesn't open until 9:OO on Monday morning. 00:21:41.433 --> 00:21:42.525 So, what do we do now? 00:21:42.966 --> 00:21:46.333 I say, toss this creature back in the Black Lagoon where it came from. 00:21:46.500 --> 00:21:47.660 Daddy, stop it. 00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:50.561 Maybe we should call the police. 00:22:02.066 --> 00:22:05.399 - That doesn't sound good. - No, we should take him to the doctor. 00:22:05.566 --> 00:22:08.399 Get him checked out. Who knows what he's been through? 00:22:08.566 --> 00:22:10.033 - Okay? - I'll go get the car keys. 00:22:10.200 --> 00:22:11.189 - All right. - Okay. 00:22:12.033 --> 00:22:14.900 Now, when you get to the hospital, don't stop. Don't stop. 00:22:15.066 --> 00:22:17.534 Toss that monster out the window and keep moving. 00:22:17.700 --> 00:22:20.726 Hit the accelerator. I don't wanna see that little ugly thing again. 00:22:22.200 --> 00:22:24.225 Stinky little thing. 00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:26.399 Was it a little cough? 00:22:26.566 --> 00:22:27.555 - No. - No. 00:22:27.733 --> 00:22:31.191 No, this was like a grown-man, smoker's cough. 00:22:32.099 --> 00:22:34.364 Well, it's probably nothing. 00:22:34.533 --> 00:22:37.024 Come on, let's get his shirt off. 00:22:39.400 --> 00:22:42.528 He's a strong little fella. 00:22:46.566 --> 00:22:49.194 Oh, my God. What is that scar? 00:22:49.799 --> 00:22:51.324 From the look of it, I'd say... 00:22:51.500 --> 00:22:53.900 ...this little guy has had his appendix removed. 00:22:54.066 --> 00:22:55.897 Or he was in one hell of a knife fight. 00:22:59.333 --> 00:23:00.960 What kind of person tattoos a child? 00:23:01.133 --> 00:23:02.623 Oh, you'd be amazed. Come on. 00:23:03.633 --> 00:23:05.726 Open up. Open up and say: 00:23:05.900 --> 00:23:07.731 Come on. Come on. Come on. 00:23:12.066 --> 00:23:14.762 - Wha-? What is it? - I've never seen a... 00:23:14.933 --> 00:23:16.161 ...baby with bridgework. 00:23:17.233 --> 00:23:20.396 This child has the mouth of a 40-year-old man. 00:23:20.866 --> 00:23:25.303 I can't tell whether these teeth are coming in or falling out. 00:23:25.466 --> 00:23:27.093 Well, he's gonna be okay? 00:23:27.533 --> 00:23:28.830 He's fine. 00:23:29.000 --> 00:23:33.300 His tonsils are a little swollen and he might have a bit of a cold. 00:23:33.466 --> 00:23:34.455 As a precaution... 00:23:34.633 --> 00:23:37.397 ...you should take his temperature before you put him to bed. 00:23:37.566 --> 00:23:39.534 - All right. Thank you, Dr. Murphy. - Okay. 00:23:39.700 --> 00:23:42.260 - Thank you very much. - Bye. 00:23:43.099 --> 00:23:45.591 This is iust- It's horrible. Look at this child. 00:23:45.766 --> 00:23:47.631 Let's turn him over to the authorities. 00:23:47.799 --> 00:23:49.927 They can find his parents and prosecute them. 00:23:50.099 --> 00:23:51.567 Are you crazy? We can't do that. 00:23:51.733 --> 00:23:53.496 This kid's been through the wringer. 00:23:53.666 --> 00:23:55.998 Besides, his birth parents are probably crackheads. 00:23:56.166 --> 00:23:58.066 They're iust gonna put them in rehab. 00:23:58.233 --> 00:24:01.225 Then they'll be back on the street, selling him for a bag of rocks. 00:24:01.900 --> 00:24:04.130 What are you saying? 00:24:04.299 --> 00:24:06.530 I'm saying, why don't we just keep him? 00:24:06.933 --> 00:24:08.662 - Just until Monday. - No. No, Darryl. 00:24:08.833 --> 00:24:10.027 - Just until- - He's a child. 00:24:10.200 --> 00:24:12.760 - I don't know what to do with a child. - Just until Monday. 00:24:12.933 --> 00:24:14.798 And then we'll take him to Child Services. 00:24:14.966 --> 00:24:17.127 They'll find a home for him. 00:24:17.299 --> 00:24:20.360 Besides, who could take better care of this child than us? 00:24:23.333 --> 00:24:26.598 - Where is he? - Oh, man. 00:24:32.400 --> 00:24:34.766 Where do you think you're going? 00:24:35.700 --> 00:24:36.962 Well, what do we got here? 00:24:38.400 --> 00:24:40.163 - Is this your baby? - Yes, thank you. 00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:43.600 Well, actually... 00:24:43.766 --> 00:24:46.428 - ... we found him- - Mama. 00:24:51.533 --> 00:24:53.160 He called me Mama. 00:24:54.566 --> 00:24:55.590 There you go. 00:24:58.833 --> 00:25:01.495 Thank you, officer. Thank you. 00:25:02.766 --> 00:25:05.564 You know, Percy, I don't like having to look for people. 00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:09.025 Who, me? I wasn't hiding, Mr. W. 00:25:09.200 --> 00:25:10.531 Not Percy. Not the Kid. 00:25:10.700 --> 00:25:12.668 I was gonna come soon as I got the diamond. 00:25:13.099 --> 00:25:14.567 So you don't have my diamond, huh? 00:25:14.733 --> 00:25:16.200 No. I mean, I do. 00:25:16.366 --> 00:25:18.266 I don't have it on me now, but it's safe. 00:25:18.433 --> 00:25:21.493 We got everything on lockdown. Believe me. Trust me. 00:25:21.666 --> 00:25:23.930 You trying to hustle me, Percy? 00:25:24.400 --> 00:25:27.392 Hustle a hustler? Ain't nothing happening, Mr. W. 00:25:27.799 --> 00:25:30.633 It's iust that the robbery didn't go as smooth as we wanted to. 00:25:30.799 --> 00:25:33.963 And a situation had popped up, so we had to split. 00:25:34.133 --> 00:25:37.193 - But my partner, he- - Your partner is not my problem. 00:25:37.366 --> 00:25:39.834 My problem is I don't have my diamond. 00:25:40.233 --> 00:25:42.224 Now, I'm gonna give you 24 hours. 00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:45.665 After that, my problem becomes Bruno and Rosco's problem. 00:25:46.900 --> 00:25:48.265 And they... 00:25:48.433 --> 00:25:49.991 ...become your problem. 00:25:50.166 --> 00:25:51.531 You got a problem with that? 00:25:51.900 --> 00:25:54.130 Ain't got no problem with that, Mr. W. 00:25:54.299 --> 00:25:56.200 I got it all under control, I swear. 00:25:56.366 --> 00:25:58.527 Don't want a smudge on it, not a speck, nothing. 00:25:58.700 --> 00:26:00.759 Not a smudge. 00:26:01.166 --> 00:26:02.394 Okay, Mr. W. 00:26:03.433 --> 00:26:04.832 Get him out of here. 00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:06.968 - Get him out of here. - Come on. 00:26:13.066 --> 00:26:15.091 Ain't nothing better than the evening news... 00:26:15.266 --> 00:26:17.791 ...and my favorite, milk and cookies. 00:26:18.533 --> 00:26:20.694 Damn, I forgot my milk. 00:26:20.866 --> 00:26:23.096 Jeez, man, you can't be popping up like that. 00:26:23.566 --> 00:26:25.329 For a moment I thought you were Chucky. 00:26:25.866 --> 00:26:27.527 About to put you in a chokehold. 00:26:29.533 --> 00:26:31.125 What are you looking at? 00:26:32.033 --> 00:26:35.833 A man who exposed himself to police oflicers in a doughnut shop... 00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:38.366 ...claimed that voices made him do it. 00:26:38.533 --> 00:26:41.400 Oh, honey, look how comfortable he is with us. 00:26:41.566 --> 00:26:43.557 He is so cute. 00:26:43.733 --> 00:26:45.325 Oh, no, you don't. 00:26:45.500 --> 00:26:48.333 No, you don't. No, no, no. 00:26:48.500 --> 00:26:50.365 - Dad. - Come on, Pop, let him sit there. 00:26:50.533 --> 00:26:53.934 - Let him have a cookie. - This is my throne, my sanctuary. 00:26:54.099 --> 00:26:56.091 This is my air, my end zone. 00:26:56.266 --> 00:26:59.326 - It's iust a cookie. - Oh, it start with the cookie. 00:27:01.733 --> 00:27:05.760 Then they want to come to dinner. Then they want to move in. 00:27:06.333 --> 00:27:10.099 Next thing you know, they're married to your daughter. 00:27:10.666 --> 00:27:14.102 - Why he got to bring it back here- - Already made that mistake once. 00:27:14.266 --> 00:27:15.494 - Come on, now. - Honey. 00:27:15.666 --> 00:27:17.531 No more, my brother. 00:27:17.700 --> 00:27:20.897 Nobody makes a fool out of me. I'm from Detroit. 00:27:22.866 --> 00:27:24.424 - Everybody's here. - I can't wait... 00:27:24.599 --> 00:27:26.534 ...for everybody to meet little Calvin. 00:27:27.333 --> 00:27:28.891 - I'm so excited. - Yeah, yeah. 00:27:29.066 --> 00:27:32.695 Introduce him to everybody else, and go over to somebody else's house. 00:27:36.733 --> 00:27:38.325 Cookie got a little bite to it. 00:27:39.299 --> 00:27:41.734 - Hi. Come in, come in, come in. - Hello, hello, hello. 00:27:41.900 --> 00:27:45.529 - Hello, hello. - I'm so excited. 00:27:45.700 --> 00:27:46.928 - Hey. - Hello. 00:27:47.099 --> 00:27:51.127 - Consuela, welcome. Come in. - So where is the little one? 00:27:52.066 --> 00:27:57.094 - Here's Calvin. - Here's Calvin. 00:28:00.166 --> 00:28:02.600 - What a mess. - Honey, that's not nice. 00:28:02.766 --> 00:28:04.700 He's scary. 00:28:05.533 --> 00:28:07.592 Yeah, well, I mean... 00:28:08.566 --> 00:28:13.503 - I mean, lucky he's not yours, right? - Yeah. 00:28:15.166 --> 00:28:18.329 I iust think he is precious. I think he is a precious gift from God. 00:28:18.933 --> 00:28:20.264 You know, God gives gifts. 00:28:20.433 --> 00:28:24.836 Sometimes he wraps them in a hurry. Sometimes. Isn't he a precious gift? 00:28:25.433 --> 00:28:28.334 Oh, yeah. He's adorable... 00:28:28.933 --> 00:28:31.731 ...in a National Geographic sort of way. 00:28:33.433 --> 00:28:35.196 What is he, a pygmy? 00:28:39.666 --> 00:28:41.896 Consuela, why don't you take the kids to go play? 00:28:42.066 --> 00:28:43.363 Yes, good idea. Come on, guys. 00:28:43.533 --> 00:28:46.161 Tommy, show Nicholas that scissor-lock thing... 00:28:46.333 --> 00:28:47.823 ...we've been working on, huh? 00:28:49.966 --> 00:28:53.629 Hey, little man. No hard feelings, right? 00:28:56.666 --> 00:28:57.997 Give me five. 00:29:04.666 --> 00:29:07.032 Hey, guess what, Calvin? We brought you some stuff. 00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:09.760 We got you some stuff. We got a box full of bottles, bibs. 00:29:09.933 --> 00:29:13.130 Oh, and all of the Dinosaurus Rex tapes you could possibly want. 00:29:13.299 --> 00:29:15.063 Well, thank you. That's a lot of stuff. 00:29:15.233 --> 00:29:19.226 He is so cute. I got your nose. 00:29:19.400 --> 00:29:22.597 Yes, I do. Yes, I do. 00:29:24.933 --> 00:29:26.525 Oh, you got my nose. 00:29:26.700 --> 00:29:29.931 You got my nose. Yes, you do. 00:29:31.233 --> 00:29:34.031 He's got my nose. He's got my nose. He's hurting- 00:29:34.200 --> 00:29:35.565 Darryl, he's hurting me. 00:29:35.733 --> 00:29:38.224 - He's hurting me. - Okay, okay, okay. 00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:40.265 Wow, is he strong. 00:29:40.866 --> 00:29:43.334 Yeah, tell me about it. I still can't feel my hand. 00:29:43.500 --> 00:29:45.968 Okay, Darryl, I think you should take the crib upstairs. 00:29:46.133 --> 00:29:48.431 - Yes. - Ladies, will you help with this stuff? 00:29:48.599 --> 00:29:49.828 Okay. 00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:52.059 - Guys, help me grab this. - I'll get this box. 00:29:52.233 --> 00:29:54.428 Let's go into the kitchen. Come, Calvin. 00:29:54.599 --> 00:29:57.467 - Come on, baby. - Come on, little pumpkin-butt. 00:29:58.633 --> 00:30:00.760 Janet, this fits perfectly. 00:30:01.233 --> 00:30:02.632 - Thank you. - Let me see. 00:30:03.366 --> 00:30:05.163 I'm glad I kept it. 00:30:05.733 --> 00:30:08.531 Can't remember the last time I could wear horizontal stripes. 00:30:09.500 --> 00:30:12.401 But, you know, here I go again. How about you, woman of the hour? 00:30:12.566 --> 00:30:15.399 - Congratulations on the promotion. - Oh, thank you. 00:30:15.566 --> 00:30:17.932 It's awesome. Was Darryl so excited or what? 00:30:18.099 --> 00:30:22.264 No, actually. He was disappointed. 00:30:22.433 --> 00:30:24.663 Baby up-up. 00:30:27.099 --> 00:30:30.069 He thought I was going to tell him I was pregnant. 00:30:34.733 --> 00:30:36.724 Okay, right. 00:30:36.900 --> 00:30:38.663 Little Ms. Corporate-Climber pregnant? 00:30:38.833 --> 00:30:44.135 What? You guys. I want to have a baby at some point. 00:30:44.299 --> 00:30:47.997 You could schedule one between a conference call and a client meeting. 00:30:49.433 --> 00:30:53.096 Okay, you know, Darryl is the one that I'm really worried about. 00:30:53.266 --> 00:30:55.666 Are you kidding me? You're lucky he wants one at all. 00:30:55.833 --> 00:30:57.733 I had to promise Greg I'd give him these. 00:30:59.833 --> 00:31:03.269 Okay, now. Okay, easy, fella. 00:31:05.533 --> 00:31:09.902 This one's real grabby. He must have been breast-fed. 00:31:10.500 --> 00:31:12.365 Is the baby hungry? 00:31:12.833 --> 00:31:13.891 He should be nursed. 00:31:14.066 --> 00:31:16.057 Baby like nursey-nursey. 00:31:16.700 --> 00:31:18.998 Well, are you sure you should do that? 00:31:19.166 --> 00:31:21.794 Yeah. You don't have to be the birth mother to breast-feed. 00:31:22.566 --> 00:31:26.058 - Nursey-nursey? - You want to nursey? 00:31:28.500 --> 00:31:29.933 Okay. 00:31:34.000 --> 00:31:35.365 All right. 00:31:36.099 --> 00:31:39.831 - Drink up, precious. - This one's real wriggly, huh? 00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:43.094 Come on. Come on, now. Suck it. 00:31:43.266 --> 00:31:48.033 Latch- Oh, that is not okay. 00:31:49.933 --> 00:31:51.195 Let's get these kids home. 00:31:51.366 --> 00:31:54.062 I have to take Nicholas and Chrissy to Mommy and Me tomorrow. 00:31:54.233 --> 00:31:55.530 Oh, have fun. 00:31:55.700 --> 00:31:58.794 Don't worry about the nose. He's adorable. 00:31:58.966 --> 00:32:01.799 - Thanks for all the stuff. - Call if you need anything. 00:32:01.966 --> 00:32:03.433 - Bye, good night. - Good night. 00:32:03.599 --> 00:32:06.330 If you change your mind about Consuela, you can take her. 00:32:06.500 --> 00:32:08.559 - Oh, thanks. - I've got, like, all the chores. 00:32:08.733 --> 00:32:10.394 One for you... 00:32:11.733 --> 00:32:13.724 ...and one for the baby. 00:32:32.333 --> 00:32:34.130 He's a little charmer, isn't he? 00:32:34.333 --> 00:32:36.563 Call me. 00:32:38.733 --> 00:32:41.224 I could have sworn he iust stuck his tongue in my mouth. 00:32:49.433 --> 00:32:51.731 - Well, I- That was- I thought- - That went well. 00:32:51.900 --> 00:32:54.061 - Yeah. - I thought they thought he was cute. 00:32:54.233 --> 00:32:56.793 Great. You're wonder- Oh, Calvin, you did so good. 00:32:56.966 --> 00:32:59.025 - Come on. Yeah. - You did so well. 00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:02.135 If that lady touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable... 00:33:02.299 --> 00:33:03.790 ...you let us know, okay? 00:33:03.966 --> 00:33:06.433 - Yeah. You're the charmer. - Yeah. 00:33:06.433 --> 00:33:10.563 Does that warm water feel good? Does it feel nice? 00:33:10.733 --> 00:33:12.928 Yeah. Look at you. 00:33:13.099 --> 00:33:16.729 Do you want some company in there with you? 00:33:16.900 --> 00:33:18.197 I think we can work that out. 00:33:18.766 --> 00:33:21.462 Yeah? Yeah? 00:33:21.633 --> 00:33:22.998 Hey, Darryl? 00:33:23.166 --> 00:33:26.226 Hello. It's bath time. 00:33:29.033 --> 00:33:31.058 Come on, let's get clean. 00:33:32.033 --> 00:33:34.968 We gonna clean your little butt-butt. Yes, we are. 00:33:35.133 --> 00:33:36.964 And then we gonna play Snatch the Marbles. 00:33:37.133 --> 00:33:38.566 We're gonna fart in the tub... 00:33:38.733 --> 00:33:41.861 ...and make our own little Jacuzzi bubbles. 00:33:47.033 --> 00:33:50.434 Oh, the little baby. Yes, you're so clean now. 00:33:50.599 --> 00:33:52.033 You're so nice and clean. 00:33:56.799 --> 00:33:59.667 Hey. Okay- Calvin. 00:33:59.833 --> 00:34:02.063 Okay, Calvin. 00:34:03.299 --> 00:34:04.767 Okay. Hey, Darryl? 00:34:04.933 --> 00:34:08.061 - All right, sweetie. - Hello, little boy. 00:34:08.233 --> 00:34:09.893 Hi, cutie. 00:34:10.065 --> 00:34:12.295 Now it's time to get you all dressed for bed, huh? 00:34:12.466 --> 00:34:15.264 Don't forget the doctor said we need to take his temperature. 00:34:15.433 --> 00:34:16.956 Okay. 00:34:17.166 --> 00:34:18.393 - Yeah. - All right. 00:34:18.565 --> 00:34:20.033 Open up wide. 00:34:20.199 --> 00:34:23.067 - Darryl, what are you doing? - I'm taking his temperature. 00:34:23.233 --> 00:34:26.760 Sweetie, he's a baby, so that's a rectal thermometer. 00:34:28.300 --> 00:34:29.597 Yeah. Go ahead. 00:34:29.766 --> 00:34:30.994 - You're such a- - Okay, baby. 00:34:31.166 --> 00:34:33.190 All right. Here we go. There we- 00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:36.163 - Oh, shit. - Darryl, what are you doing? 00:34:36.533 --> 00:34:39.228 Darryl, come on. Darryl, iust- 00:34:39.400 --> 00:34:41.697 - I'm trying to- - Honey. 00:34:41.866 --> 00:34:43.766 It's okay, Calvin. It's okay. 00:34:43.933 --> 00:34:46.197 - If he'll iust roll over here. - Okay, good, good. 00:34:46.366 --> 00:34:48.061 - I could get him down like- - No, no. 00:34:48.233 --> 00:34:51.565 - Wait, be gentle. Calvin, it's okay. - He's a little strong. 00:34:51.733 --> 00:34:54.896 Okay, all right. Nobody likes this, I know. 00:34:55.065 --> 00:34:57.557 I know, nobody- Nobody likes this. 00:34:57.733 --> 00:35:01.726 It's okay. It's okay. Oh, yeah. There we go, son. 00:35:01.900 --> 00:35:05.631 - Here comes the choo-choo train. - You're okay, baby. Oh, yeah. 00:35:11.333 --> 00:35:15.827 It's in the tunnel, son. It's almost at your stop. 00:35:20.466 --> 00:35:22.627 There you go, little man. 00:35:23.000 --> 00:35:26.800 Now, this is gonna put you to sleep. 00:35:27.766 --> 00:35:29.358 All right, little buddy. 00:35:35.833 --> 00:35:37.562 Good night, baby. 00:35:44.166 --> 00:35:47.101 Like this thing's gonna put somebody to sleep. 00:35:47.699 --> 00:35:49.668 I'm gonna wait for you to go to sleep. 00:35:49.833 --> 00:35:52.301 I'm gonna get my diamond and be out. 00:37:22.166 --> 00:37:26.159 Come on, baby, be in here. Come on. 00:37:27.766 --> 00:37:29.028 Come on. 00:37:29.199 --> 00:37:31.259 Come on, where you at? Where you at? 00:37:31.433 --> 00:37:32.991 There we go. 00:37:34.466 --> 00:37:38.869 Hi, beautiful. Yes. 00:37:54.400 --> 00:37:57.096 Man, this idiot better pick up the phone. 00:38:11.633 --> 00:38:14.033 People calling here all kind of time. 00:38:14.199 --> 00:38:18.034 Like people don't live here. I mean, you can't be calling nobody house... 00:38:18.833 --> 00:38:22.929 P- Unit Productions, in association with Go Get a Girl Entertainment. 00:38:23.099 --> 00:38:25.432 - Hey, yo, Percy. It's me. - Calvin? 00:38:25.599 --> 00:38:28.535 - What's going on? - I need you to come pick me up. 00:38:28.699 --> 00:38:31.567 - Now, look, I got the dia- - Reach for the sky. 00:38:33.066 --> 00:38:34.761 Who you talking to, sonny boy? 00:38:39.933 --> 00:38:42.595 Oh, don't give me that old... crap. 00:38:42.766 --> 00:38:44.097 Hand me that damn phone. 00:38:45.366 --> 00:38:47.129 - Who is this? - Me no speak no English. 00:38:47.300 --> 00:38:48.562 Wrong number. Sorry. 00:38:48.733 --> 00:38:51.395 Who the hell's "No speak the English"? Who the hell is this? 00:38:51.566 --> 00:38:53.329 - Say something. - What are you doing? 00:38:53.500 --> 00:38:55.798 I heard some noises, came downstairs... 00:38:55.966 --> 00:38:58.025 ...and caught this little hoodlum on the phone. 00:38:58.199 --> 00:39:00.725 - Must've looked for the safe. - We don't have a safe. 00:39:00.900 --> 00:39:03.664 - He didn't know that. - Dada. 00:39:04.666 --> 00:39:08.568 Pop, man. He's a baby. 00:39:08.733 --> 00:39:11.600 It's his first night in a new house. Probably couldn't sleep. 00:39:11.766 --> 00:39:15.827 Look at you. You look crazy, man. Holding a shotgun, wearing red socks. 00:39:16.000 --> 00:39:19.128 You look like Fred Sanford on crack. Put that away, man. Go to bed. 00:39:19.300 --> 00:39:21.530 Oh, you are good. 00:39:21.699 --> 00:39:23.565 You are real good. 00:39:23.733 --> 00:39:25.928 I'm gonna keep my eye on you. 00:39:26.366 --> 00:39:27.890 You gonna give me the finger? 00:39:28.066 --> 00:39:31.524 Where did you learn that, huh? BET videos _fter Dark? 00:39:34.400 --> 00:39:35.662 Him scary. 00:39:35.833 --> 00:39:37.528 There we go. 00:39:37.699 --> 00:39:40.863 Don't pay him any mind. He just a old, crazy man. 00:39:41.033 --> 00:39:44.594 I know iust what to fix you so you can have a good night's sleep. 00:39:58.633 --> 00:40:01.568 Go. Boy, you must have had a rough first night. 00:40:03.033 --> 00:40:05.092 That's because I'm new at this dad stuff. 00:40:05.266 --> 00:40:07.894 Give me a minute, I'll get it together. 00:40:11.666 --> 00:40:15.067 Man, can't imagine what kind of life you must have had. 00:40:15.900 --> 00:40:17.128 I'll tell you this: 00:40:17.300 --> 00:40:19.860 This weekend is gonna be the best weekend of your life. 00:40:20.033 --> 00:40:21.261 You know why? 00:40:21.433 --> 00:40:24.334 Because I'm gonna show you how great it is to have a dad... 00:40:24.500 --> 00:40:28.197 ...and you're gonna show me how great it is to be a dad. 00:40:29.300 --> 00:40:32.269 Vanessa don't think I can do it, but I know I got it in me. 00:40:32.433 --> 00:40:35.266 You know why? Because I would never abandon my child. 00:40:36.866 --> 00:40:40.097 Ever. I'll always be there for him. 00:40:40.466 --> 00:40:43.458 And there'll never be a time when my son can't come to me... 00:40:43.633 --> 00:40:45.999 ...and talk to me about anything in the world... 00:40:46.166 --> 00:40:50.102 ...over a nice, warm cup of milk. 00:40:59.733 --> 00:41:02.395 What's so funny? What are you all giggly for? 00:41:03.166 --> 00:41:05.191 You're drinking Janet's breast milk. 00:41:08.333 --> 00:41:12.702 Baby, you did the right thing, letting him stay with us this weekend. 00:41:13.166 --> 00:41:14.997 Thank you. 00:41:16.566 --> 00:41:21.435 But you know, I still can't wait for us to have one of our own. 00:41:22.833 --> 00:41:26.496 - Yes, I know. - All right. 00:41:27.599 --> 00:41:30.364 You wanna know the nice thing about you not being pregnant? 00:41:30.866 --> 00:41:32.390 What? 00:41:32.666 --> 00:41:34.725 We get to keep trying. 00:41:45.033 --> 00:41:48.093 Honey? What about the baby? 00:41:48.266 --> 00:41:51.064 He's asleep, don't worry about him. You've got me. 00:41:51.233 --> 00:41:53.030 But, honey... 00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:56.763 ...he's watching. 00:41:59.699 --> 00:42:02.828 He's too young to know what's going on. Forget him. 00:42:06.400 --> 00:42:07.799 Okay. 00:42:09.166 --> 00:42:10.861 Okay. 00:42:25.366 --> 00:42:26.924 Good morning. 00:42:28.633 --> 00:42:31.534 More like, great morning. 00:42:31.699 --> 00:42:35.101 Looks like someone had a really good night's sleep last night. 00:42:36.066 --> 00:42:37.693 Who could sleep? 00:42:37.866 --> 00:42:41.029 - You were an animal last night. - Oh, well, you know- 00:42:41.199 --> 00:42:45.000 I don't remember the last time we did it twice in one night. 00:42:45.166 --> 00:42:46.633 Twice? 00:42:49.233 --> 00:42:50.700 Hey, when did he get in the bed? 00:42:52.433 --> 00:42:55.766 I don't know. I don't know how he gets out of that crib. 00:42:55.933 --> 00:42:57.560 He's such a crafty little fella. 00:43:01.666 --> 00:43:03.827 You want some breakfast? 00:43:04.000 --> 00:43:05.433 Some more ass. 00:43:07.966 --> 00:43:09.331 Twice? 00:43:27.900 --> 00:43:31.028 - How's my baby girl this morning? - So good, Dad. 00:43:31.199 --> 00:43:33.600 - How are you? - Mighty fine, thank you. 00:43:33.766 --> 00:43:35.233 No, no, no. 00:43:35.400 --> 00:43:37.766 Thanks very much, Jim. And in other news... 00:43:37.933 --> 00:43:40.868 ...police have a suspect in yesterday's daring diamond heist. 00:43:41.033 --> 00:43:43.695 It is this man, Calvin "Baby Face" Sims... 00:43:43.866 --> 00:43:46.061 - ... who was released- - D. Rex, D. Rex, D. Rex. 00:43:46.233 --> 00:43:48.098 Stop that, whatever you're talking about. 00:43:48.266 --> 00:43:51.030 D. Rex, D. Rex, D. Rex. 00:43:51.199 --> 00:43:52.428 Just be quiet. 00:43:52.800 --> 00:43:54.427 - D. Rex. - Baby Face- 00:43:54.699 --> 00:43:57.760 Dad, let Calvin watch his show. 00:43:58.133 --> 00:44:01.534 You have to be the adult. Let Calvin watch his tape. 00:44:01.699 --> 00:44:04.601 - I wanna watch the news. - I don't care what you wanna watch. 00:44:04.766 --> 00:44:07.360 He was watching the TV first. 00:44:07.533 --> 00:44:09.000 I'll read the news. 00:44:09.166 --> 00:44:13.603 I tell you, the world is going to hell in a handcart. 00:44:49.800 --> 00:44:52.735 Wow, Dad, you really cleaned your plate. 00:44:52.900 --> 00:44:55.198 What? That hobgoblin ate my breakfast. 00:44:56.266 --> 00:44:58.257 Oh, Daddy, don't be ridiculous. 00:44:58.433 --> 00:45:01.561 I ain't being ridiculous. That little sucker ate my breakfast. 00:45:01.733 --> 00:45:05.260 I'm going to the diner, where I can eat and watch the news in peace. 00:45:05.533 --> 00:45:09.025 Okay, Dad. Be careful. 00:45:09.199 --> 00:45:13.034 Why don't we get you some food? You must be so hungry. 00:45:13.199 --> 00:45:15.668 It's time for you to eat something. 00:45:16.699 --> 00:45:19.191 - Morning, sweetie. - Oh, good morning, baby. 00:45:19.366 --> 00:45:20.663 Hello. 00:45:20.833 --> 00:45:23.825 - I have your breakfast right here. - Oh, goodie. 00:45:25.400 --> 00:45:29.097 Oh, sweetie, okay, now your dad is really tripping. 00:45:29.533 --> 00:45:33.025 Last night, I caught him holding little Calvin at gunpoint... 00:45:33.199 --> 00:45:35.691 ...because he heard him talking on the phone. 00:45:35.966 --> 00:45:37.763 That is- That's crazy. 00:45:38.066 --> 00:45:40.694 Well, you know... 00:45:40.866 --> 00:45:45.894 ...iust now he ate all of his breakfast, and then he told me the baby ate it. 00:45:47.099 --> 00:45:50.001 - Can you say, "Whispering Glen"? - No, Darryl. 00:45:50.166 --> 00:45:51.565 No nursing homes, okay? 00:45:51.733 --> 00:45:54.167 I don't wanna have this conversation with you again. 00:45:54.333 --> 00:45:57.029 I have to go to work, but the baby's food is here. 00:45:57.199 --> 00:45:59.327 - And I love you. - I love you too. 00:45:59.500 --> 00:46:02.867 Have a good day. Kiss. Feed him. 00:46:03.866 --> 00:46:05.595 All right. 00:46:07.833 --> 00:46:11.132 Okay, okay, let's get you all fed. 00:46:11.300 --> 00:46:16.397 All right. Open up wide. Here come the airplane. 00:46:22.400 --> 00:46:24.197 Oh, I see. 00:46:24.366 --> 00:46:26.527 You want to play a game of peekaboo, huh? 00:46:26.699 --> 00:46:28.691 Okay, okay, okay. 00:46:28.866 --> 00:46:30.493 Peekaboo, I see you. 00:46:33.733 --> 00:46:35.997 Peekaboo, I see you. 00:46:51.900 --> 00:46:55.063 You gotta be kidding me. God. 00:47:02.233 --> 00:47:03.825 Darryl? 00:47:05.066 --> 00:47:06.761 Where did I put it? 00:47:13.266 --> 00:47:15.427 Honey, I forgot my purse. 00:47:16.333 --> 00:47:18.324 Darryl. Darryl. 00:47:18.733 --> 00:47:22.100 Sweetheart. You can't just fall asleep like this. 00:47:22.566 --> 00:47:26.332 Oh, honey, I know that you're tired, but you have to watch the baby. 00:47:26.500 --> 00:47:29.560 You take your eyes off him for a minute, God knows what could happen. 00:47:29.733 --> 00:47:31.223 I was... 00:47:32.166 --> 00:47:34.657 - Darryl. - I was... 00:47:34.833 --> 00:47:36.698 - What...? - I don't- 00:47:36.866 --> 00:47:40.768 Honey, iust take him to the park or something, okay? 00:47:41.166 --> 00:47:42.497 Okay. 00:47:44.066 --> 00:47:45.397 What...? 00:47:53.066 --> 00:47:56.365 Peekaboo. Then I don't- What? 00:48:01.533 --> 00:48:04.161 We gonna play baseball. We gonna play football. 00:48:04.333 --> 00:48:07.234 And we're gonna play golf. 00:48:07.566 --> 00:48:10.467 And we're gonna shoot a plane. 00:48:10.633 --> 00:48:13.101 We're gonna have fun. 00:48:16.800 --> 00:48:18.461 There we go. 00:48:18.633 --> 00:48:22.069 All right, son. Now, don't be afraid to really swing that bat, okay? 00:48:22.233 --> 00:48:25.498 Now, the trick is to really keep your eye on the ball, okay? 00:48:25.666 --> 00:48:27.190 Here we go. 00:48:32.400 --> 00:48:35.028 Yeah, you want that sucker to really fly. 00:48:35.199 --> 00:48:37.327 You wanna give that thing a lot of air, okay? 00:48:37.500 --> 00:48:39.195 There you go. Give it some good pump. 00:48:39.366 --> 00:48:41.926 You want it to really fly. You want it to blast off. 00:48:42.099 --> 00:48:45.592 Yeah, there you go. No, no, no. You want to point that up. 00:48:45.766 --> 00:48:49.031 No. No, no, son. What are you-? No, no, no. Don't push that button. 00:48:52.333 --> 00:48:55.530 Okay, so now, what you wanna do is you wanna wind that baby up... 00:48:55.699 --> 00:48:57.725 ...and you throw it as hard as you can, okay? 00:48:57.900 --> 00:48:59.492 - Okay. - All right. Come on. 00:49:03.500 --> 00:49:05.934 Look at that. Yeah. 00:49:06.966 --> 00:49:09.764 Yeah. Look at that sucker. 00:49:12.266 --> 00:49:13.597 Where'd it go? 00:49:23.533 --> 00:49:25.330 The ducks teach you playfulness. 00:49:25.500 --> 00:49:28.196 Here, you can borrow this if you want. He'd love it. 00:49:28.366 --> 00:49:30.391 Hey, Dad-For-A-Weekend. 00:49:31.033 --> 00:49:32.261 How's it going? 00:49:32.433 --> 00:49:35.368 I think they designed all the toys to hit you in the nuts. 00:49:35.933 --> 00:49:37.332 Oh, yeah. 00:49:38.166 --> 00:49:39.155 Get off. 00:49:39.333 --> 00:49:42.496 Richard, I bet my son could kick the crap out of both your kids... 00:49:42.666 --> 00:49:45.328 ...blindfolded, one hand tied behind his back. 00:49:45.500 --> 00:49:48.958 Come on, Greg. Nicholas is a sweet, sensitive kid. 00:49:49.133 --> 00:49:51.158 He's not a fighter. 00:49:51.333 --> 00:49:54.359 I'm telling you, Darryl, see, you gotta be tough on kids nowadays. 00:49:54.533 --> 00:49:57.991 All right, the slightest bit of weakness and they could end up... 00:50:00.433 --> 00:50:01.866 ...like that. 00:50:02.033 --> 00:50:04.968 Well, I don't know about all that, but I gotta be honest with you. 00:50:05.133 --> 00:50:08.193 I'm starting to dig this father thing. It's kind of cool. 00:50:08.366 --> 00:50:12.097 It's kind of like I get to do all the things that I never did with my dad. 00:50:12.266 --> 00:50:14.097 - You know? - That's real cute. 00:50:14.633 --> 00:50:17.830 Really, I think I'm having a positive influence on him. 00:50:19.333 --> 00:50:21.733 Cee-lo, that's right. Dig up in your OshKosh... 00:50:21.900 --> 00:50:23.367 ...your babyGap and pay the man. 00:50:23.533 --> 00:50:26.730 - That's right. Yeah. - It's not fair. 00:50:26.900 --> 00:50:28.561 Come on, put your money in the pot. 00:50:28.733 --> 00:50:30.496 Whine to your mama, don't whine to me. 00:50:30.666 --> 00:50:31.997 Right, good game, good game. 00:50:32.166 --> 00:50:33.656 Come here, you guys. Come here. 00:50:35.199 --> 00:50:37.361 Yo, y'all bring your money tomorrow... 00:50:37.533 --> 00:50:40.400 ...I'm gonna sell y'all some pictures of some naked girls. 00:50:42.066 --> 00:50:44.728 What I say? Y'all don't like big breasts? 00:50:44.900 --> 00:50:46.527 Daddy, can I have some ice cream? 00:50:46.699 --> 00:50:48.099 Sure, sweetie. What flavor? 00:50:48.266 --> 00:50:49.858 - Vanilla. - You got it. 00:50:50.033 --> 00:50:51.500 - I think we'll go with you. - Okay. 00:50:52.733 --> 00:50:54.724 - You're getting big. - Janet, do me a favor? 00:50:55.900 --> 00:50:58.266 - Could you watch Calvin for me? - No problem. 00:50:59.333 --> 00:51:00.766 Calvin. 00:51:00.933 --> 00:51:02.195 Percy. 00:51:03.166 --> 00:51:06.602 - Cal, you get the diamond? - Yeah, it's in the diaper bag. Come on. 00:51:06.766 --> 00:51:07.926 Hold hands. 00:51:08.099 --> 00:51:10.625 Cal, which one is it? 00:51:11.066 --> 00:51:12.829 The one with the duck on it. 00:51:14.633 --> 00:51:18.262 - They all got ducks on them. - I think it's that one. 00:51:18.766 --> 00:51:20.427 Come on. 00:51:21.199 --> 00:51:23.225 Hey, that guy's not even here with a child. 00:51:23.400 --> 00:51:24.867 Hey. 00:51:26.199 --> 00:51:28.691 Hey, get away from him. Girls, let's get him! 00:51:28.866 --> 00:51:31.357 - I'm out. - There he is. 00:51:32.933 --> 00:51:35.163 Pumpkin, are you okay? 00:51:35.599 --> 00:51:37.227 - Did he touch you anywhere? - No. 00:51:37.400 --> 00:51:39.561 No? Okay. Good. 00:51:39.733 --> 00:51:41.928 - Hey, is everything okay, Janet? - It's not okay. 00:51:42.099 --> 00:51:44.762 Some sick pervert tried to run away with this little guy. 00:51:44.933 --> 00:51:46.867 Hey, that psycho took my diaper bag. 00:51:47.033 --> 00:51:49.092 - What? - Damn. 00:51:50.266 --> 00:51:51.927 Pervert. 00:51:53.433 --> 00:51:57.199 Okay, we gonna get you home where it's nice and safe, all right? 00:52:00.900 --> 00:52:03.596 Keys, keys. I want the keys. 00:52:03.833 --> 00:52:08.099 Keys, keys, I want keys. Keys. Keys. Keys. 00:52:08.266 --> 00:52:10.393 No, no, no. Daddy needs these to drive the- 00:52:10.566 --> 00:52:12.090 - Keys. - Oh, God. 00:52:12.266 --> 00:52:13.995 Keys. Give me the keys. 00:52:14.566 --> 00:52:17.160 - Oh, no. Here. Take that. - No. Keys. 00:52:17.333 --> 00:52:19.233 - I want keys. - Play with that for a while. 00:52:19.400 --> 00:52:21.732 - No, no, no. I need these. - I want keys. 00:52:22.599 --> 00:52:23.999 - Want keys. - Okay, here. 00:52:24.566 --> 00:52:27.194 - Keys. - All right, all right. 00:52:27.366 --> 00:52:31.302 All right, you wait right there, and I'll be right back, okay? 00:52:36.833 --> 00:52:38.494 Hey! 00:52:38.666 --> 00:52:40.099 My car. My kid. 00:52:41.400 --> 00:52:44.062 Hey, stop! 00:52:50.133 --> 00:52:52.158 Someone iust stole my car with my kid in it. 00:52:52.333 --> 00:52:53.595 Hop in. 00:52:54.666 --> 00:52:57.032 - Thank you. - Let's go get that son of a bitch. 00:53:07.433 --> 00:53:08.866 Damn. 00:53:20.900 --> 00:53:23.596 Man, my wife is gonna kill me when she finds out about this. 00:53:23.766 --> 00:53:25.597 My advice to you is don't tell her a word. 00:53:25.766 --> 00:53:27.597 I left Bobby Jr. at an amusement park. 00:53:27.766 --> 00:53:30.234 Told his father he was at summer camp. Bought me a week. 00:53:35.400 --> 00:53:38.460 Hello? I'm on my way. I'll be there in about five minutes. 00:53:38.633 --> 00:53:41.067 I have the cupcakes. Yes. 00:53:41.233 --> 00:53:43.064 I didn't bring iuice. You didn't tell me. 00:53:43.233 --> 00:53:45.827 - Don't talk to me that way. - Excuse me. 00:53:46.466 --> 00:53:48.093 - I'm hanging up. - Oh, my God. 00:53:48.266 --> 00:53:50.097 I'm hanging up. I'm hanging up. 00:53:51.733 --> 00:53:53.826 Watch the road, moron. 00:53:54.566 --> 00:53:56.898 Come on, baby. Let's go. Let's do this. 00:54:04.866 --> 00:54:08.267 Oh, wow, you are really upset. 00:54:08.433 --> 00:54:12.096 It makes me feel so good to know that there are people out there who care... 00:54:12.266 --> 00:54:14.359 - Mommy, Mommy... - ... about their kids- What? 00:54:14.533 --> 00:54:15.522 as I do. 00:54:15.699 --> 00:54:17.634 - Mommy, Mommy. - Just one second, honey. 00:54:17.800 --> 00:54:20.826 I'm fixing my makeup. 00:54:21.000 --> 00:54:23.161 - Mom. - What? 00:54:23.333 --> 00:54:25.563 I think Dillon did a doodie. 00:54:25.733 --> 00:54:28.429 - Mom, hurry up. Come on, hurry. - Change him. 00:54:28.599 --> 00:54:31.535 Oh, wait, no. Wait. 00:54:33.000 --> 00:54:35.696 Oh, my God. Excuse me. A truck. 00:54:35.900 --> 00:54:38.232 Excuse me. A truck. 00:54:38.400 --> 00:54:40.368 There you go. Can you hand me the powder? 00:54:40.533 --> 00:54:42.023 What? No, stop. 00:54:43.066 --> 00:54:44.658 We're gonna die. 00:54:51.500 --> 00:54:53.525 Oh, my God. 00:54:53.699 --> 00:54:55.895 Don't worry. You'll get your little boy back. 00:54:56.066 --> 00:54:58.933 It ain't worth it. Let me out. 00:55:05.433 --> 00:55:06.695 Oh, no. 00:55:22.833 --> 00:55:25.927 - Suspect got away. - Damn it! 00:55:26.833 --> 00:55:31.327 - But the kid's okay. - I want my daddy. 00:55:32.699 --> 00:55:36.898 I want Daddy. I want my daddy. 00:55:37.066 --> 00:55:38.966 Thanks for everything. 00:55:40.666 --> 00:55:42.759 Oh, by the way, I run a carpool... 00:55:42.933 --> 00:55:45.925 ...if the little one ever needs a ride to preschool. 00:55:46.166 --> 00:55:47.929 - Daddy. - That's my kid. 00:55:48.199 --> 00:55:50.395 Daddy. Daddy. 00:55:50.566 --> 00:55:54.002 - Are you okay, huh? - Daddy. 00:55:54.300 --> 00:55:58.566 - Son's okay, but car's totaled. - Screw the car. Long as he's okay. 00:55:58.733 --> 00:56:01.668 I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry, little buddy. 00:56:01.833 --> 00:56:04.427 I would never want anything to happen to you. 00:56:04.599 --> 00:56:06.465 I love you, man. 00:56:09.233 --> 00:56:10.825 - Mr. W. - Yeah. 00:56:11.000 --> 00:56:13.935 Your boy came through. I got it. 00:56:16.233 --> 00:56:18.724 Bring it to me. Watch my drink, babe. 00:56:34.099 --> 00:56:38.059 Keep looking. Keep digging in there. It's in there. It's in there, baby. 00:56:39.066 --> 00:56:40.931 Look around in there. 00:56:41.966 --> 00:56:44.696 Mr. Dub, could you dig deeper in there? 00:56:44.866 --> 00:56:46.163 Damn. 00:56:48.300 --> 00:56:50.063 Is that a dirty diaper? 00:56:51.333 --> 00:56:54.700 - Did I iust touch a dirty diaper? - Wait a minute. 00:56:54.866 --> 00:56:57.130 Whoa, that baby had lasagna last night. 00:56:57.300 --> 00:56:59.734 I know it's in here. The diamond's in here. 00:56:59.900 --> 00:57:03.666 - He said the diamond's in there. - Your 24 hours are up, Percy. 00:57:08.300 --> 00:57:10.325 And you haven't delivered my diamond. 00:57:10.500 --> 00:57:12.661 Do you know how that makes me feel? 00:57:13.933 --> 00:57:17.266 Please, Mr. Dub, give me a little more time. I promise I'll get the rock. 00:57:17.433 --> 00:57:19.993 It makes me feel like wanting to hurt you very badly. 00:57:20.533 --> 00:57:22.330 But I won't. 00:57:22.933 --> 00:57:26.061 Because that diamond means more to me than your life. 00:57:26.400 --> 00:57:28.664 Now, you get out of here and find me that diamond. 00:57:31.699 --> 00:57:35.295 - Get out of here. - I promise you, okay? I got you. 00:57:36.633 --> 00:57:39.067 Follow him. Find his partner. 00:57:39.233 --> 00:57:42.760 Get me my diamond, then stick them both in the ground. 00:57:43.366 --> 00:57:45.493 Aren't you taking this a bit far? 00:57:45.666 --> 00:57:48.191 I didn't even know they made a LoJack for kids. 00:57:48.366 --> 00:57:51.995 No, I'm telling you, I'm not taking any chances. This guy's tricky. 00:57:52.166 --> 00:57:53.531 Maybe I should skip the game. 00:57:53.699 --> 00:57:57.761 Are you crazy? They're playing Detroit, D. 00:57:58.333 --> 00:58:02.201 Why don't we pack up the little ugly son of a bitch and take him with us? 00:58:05.199 --> 00:58:07.065 You really think that's the best idea? 00:58:07.233 --> 00:58:09.565 Yeah, Richard, I do think it's the best idea. 00:58:09.733 --> 00:58:12.065 It's never too early to become a Chicago fan. 00:58:14.000 --> 00:58:17.265 - You know what, I'm in. - Yeah. Come on, let's go. 00:58:17.433 --> 00:58:20.994 Okay, but when the ladies ask, I was the one that said no. 00:58:21.166 --> 00:58:22.394 I- No. 00:58:28.766 --> 00:58:31.234 Are you ready to see how exciting a hockey game is? 00:58:31.400 --> 00:58:32.697 It's like boxing on ice. 00:58:32.866 --> 00:58:35.357 Five rows up behind the penalty box. Who the man? 00:58:35.533 --> 00:58:37.023 - Yeah, boy. Yeah. - That's right. 00:58:41.733 --> 00:58:44.497 Let's go. Come on. Come on. 00:58:45.166 --> 00:58:48.101 - Go, go, go. - Come on, what are you watching? 00:58:50.800 --> 00:58:52.563 Did you see that play? Hey. 00:58:52.733 --> 00:58:54.826 What you got in your mouth there, little fella? 00:58:55.533 --> 00:58:58.900 What you got in your mouth? Open up. Open. Let me see. 00:58:59.633 --> 00:59:01.567 Oh, okay, it was nothing. 00:59:01.733 --> 00:59:03.667 Come on. 00:59:05.966 --> 00:59:06.955 T Man! 00:59:07.133 --> 00:59:09.101 - Come on. - Here we go. 00:59:09.699 --> 00:59:10.962 Yeah. 00:59:13.599 --> 00:59:15.158 Yeah. 00:59:19.300 --> 00:59:21.894 - All right, who needs drinks? - I'm good. 00:59:22.066 --> 00:59:27.766 Oh, wait. Yeah, I guess I need another one, please. 00:59:29.500 --> 00:59:30.728 - Thanks. - Thanks. 00:59:30.966 --> 00:59:33.457 How about you guys? Anything to drink? 00:59:33.633 --> 00:59:36.431 - Yeah, I'll grab a beer, sure. - Me too, me too. Get me one. 00:59:37.099 --> 00:59:39.591 - There you go. - Thank you. 00:59:39.766 --> 00:59:43.293 - Okay. Here you go. - Nice ass. 00:59:46.066 --> 00:59:47.431 Pig. 00:59:48.599 --> 00:59:50.329 Tramp. 01:00:01.166 --> 01:00:04.602 What the hell was that for? 01:00:05.133 --> 01:00:06.998 - What did I do? - You know her? 01:00:07.166 --> 01:00:08.599 No, I don't know her. 01:00:09.866 --> 01:00:11.163 I don't know- I don't. 01:00:11.333 --> 01:00:13.028 - Hey, man. Get your own. - Hey. 01:00:13.333 --> 01:00:14.925 - What? - Beer. It's empty. 01:00:15.099 --> 01:00:17.500 - So get another one. - I'm gonna- 01:00:17.666 --> 01:00:19.759 - Get off. Wait. - What's your problem, man? 01:00:20.833 --> 01:00:23.165 - Come on, man. Come on, Miller. - Miller. 01:00:26.199 --> 01:00:28.168 You suck. 01:00:30.366 --> 01:00:33.563 - You suck, man. You suck. - Shut it, you losers! 01:00:33.733 --> 01:00:36.702 Want some of me? Come down here. Come play with the big boys. 01:00:36.866 --> 01:00:40.097 - You're a bully. You're a bully, man. - Yeah, I thought so, you princess. 01:00:40.266 --> 01:00:43.064 - Come on, you. - Pick on somebody your own size. 01:00:43.233 --> 01:00:45.224 Come on down here, then. 01:00:48.833 --> 01:00:50.528 Who did that? 01:00:53.199 --> 01:00:55.862 You. You're dead! 01:00:58.766 --> 01:01:00.233 He's gonna kill me. 01:01:01.433 --> 01:01:04.197 - Get out of my way. - It wasn't me. It was the baby. 01:01:04.366 --> 01:01:05.833 - You're mine. - Get him. 01:01:06.000 --> 01:01:07.433 Hockey fight! 01:01:13.733 --> 01:01:16.759 He's got my ear. Get this baby off of me. 01:01:21.266 --> 01:01:25.168 - Hey. Hey, hey. - Is that all you got? 01:01:29.300 --> 01:01:30.767 I don't know, baby. 01:01:30.933 --> 01:01:33.800 Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm not ready to be a dad yet. 01:01:33.966 --> 01:01:36.628 It really wasn't your fault. 01:01:36.933 --> 01:01:38.992 It's so funny, man. It just happened so fast. 01:01:39.166 --> 01:01:41.031 I took my eyes off him for one second and: 01:01:41.199 --> 01:01:43.259 He would've never had another birthday again. 01:01:45.599 --> 01:01:48.535 Hey. Why don't we do that? 01:01:48.699 --> 01:01:50.429 Why don't we throw him a birthday party? 01:01:50.599 --> 01:01:53.068 Well, we don't know when his birthday is. 01:01:53.233 --> 01:01:54.860 So what? We'll celebrate it tomorrow. 01:01:55.033 --> 01:01:58.560 We'll throw him a big birthday bash. The biggest birthday party he ever had. 01:01:58.733 --> 01:02:00.701 That is a really good idea. 01:02:01.066 --> 01:02:05.002 And I got a little surprise for him. 01:02:05.166 --> 01:02:07.225 Does everyone know what time it is? 01:02:07.400 --> 01:02:12.235 It's time to dance and sing, and have lots and lots of fun. 01:02:12.400 --> 01:02:15.062 Hey there, boys and girls, it's Dinosaur Rex... 01:02:15.233 --> 01:02:17.258 ...your favorite prehistoric pal. 01:02:17.433 --> 01:02:19.526 Now, where's the birthday boy? 01:02:19.699 --> 01:02:21.224 - There. - Yo, no, no. 01:02:21.466 --> 01:02:23.593 - Happy birthday. - Hey, yo. 01:02:23.766 --> 01:02:25.063 Happy birthday, little buddy 01:02:25.233 --> 01:02:26.427 I got a nasty hangover... 01:02:26.599 --> 01:02:28.363 ...and a rock stuck in my gut... 01:02:28.533 --> 01:02:30.933 ...that got my colon backed up like rush-hour traffic. 01:02:31.099 --> 01:02:33.694 Now, either you're gonna stop with your fruity kid songs... 01:02:33.866 --> 01:02:36.232 ...or I'm gonna kick you right in your furry balls. 01:02:36.766 --> 01:02:38.700 - All right? - Well... 01:02:38.866 --> 01:02:41.061 ...maybe we should talk about manners. 01:02:41.233 --> 01:02:43.167 Now, manners are very important. 01:02:43.333 --> 01:02:47.269 When I was a tiny lizard, my mom told me that if I had good manners... 01:02:47.433 --> 01:02:52.097 ...one day I could grow up to be president of the whole United States. 01:02:52.266 --> 01:02:54.632 But instead, you entertain snotty-nosed kids... 01:02:54.800 --> 01:02:56.461 ...in a crusty, blue dinosaur suit... 01:02:56.633 --> 01:02:59.966 ...that smell like sweaty armpits and baby urine. 01:03:01.233 --> 01:03:02.700 Far cry from president, buddy. 01:03:06.699 --> 01:03:08.861 I iust got out of rehab. 01:03:09.033 --> 01:03:11.194 Because of the new "deadbeat dad" law... 01:03:11.366 --> 01:03:15.325 ...my wife's garnishing 85 percent of my dinosaur wages. 01:03:15.500 --> 01:03:19.402 So if I weren't afraid to lose this iob, I'd kick your ass. 01:03:19.566 --> 01:03:22.831 Oh, you so pathetic you need $4.50 an hour that bad? 01:03:23.000 --> 01:03:24.831 Come on, get your ass kicked. 01:03:28.833 --> 01:03:30.926 - Bring it on. - Come on. Come on, then. 01:03:32.000 --> 01:03:35.094 - Hey. - Oh, you mine now. You mine. 01:03:36.833 --> 01:03:39.199 Get him, get him, get him. 01:03:42.533 --> 01:03:44.194 You little bastard. 01:03:46.766 --> 01:03:49.098 That was a cheap shot. 01:03:51.099 --> 01:03:54.433 - You stink. - I hate your show. 01:03:54.599 --> 01:03:57.262 It has been confirmed, the driver of the stolen vehicle... 01:03:57.433 --> 01:04:00.960 ...matches the description of the suspect in Friday's diamond heist. 01:04:01.133 --> 01:04:03.499 - Police are looking to question... - I knew it. 01:04:03.666 --> 01:04:05.156 ...Calvin "Baby Face" Sims. 01:04:05.333 --> 01:04:08.734 Sims, who was recently released from state prison, has thus far eluded- 01:04:08.900 --> 01:04:11.095 Hey, guys, what do you say we liven this party up? 01:04:11.266 --> 01:04:13.097 We have a little father-son football game. 01:04:13.266 --> 01:04:16.258 Football? Greg, I don't know. I don't think that's a good idea. 01:04:16.433 --> 01:04:19.163 Nicholas is a little young and small for football. 01:04:19.333 --> 01:04:21.858 How about Simon Says instead? 01:04:22.099 --> 01:04:24.864 You know, Richard, your son practically squats to pee. 01:04:25.433 --> 01:04:28.197 Come on, man. Look, we gotta scar these kids for life. 01:04:28.366 --> 01:04:30.197 All right? We gotta toughen them up a bit. 01:04:30.366 --> 01:04:31.765 You don't- 01:04:32.400 --> 01:04:33.389 - Come on. - Come on. 01:04:33.566 --> 01:04:35.830 Darryl, you in, or does Calvin have ballet class? 01:04:36.000 --> 01:04:37.092 I'm down. 01:04:37.566 --> 01:04:39.227 - All right. - All right, let's do it. 01:04:42.199 --> 01:04:45.169 Football? That's not in the books. I've read all the books. 01:04:45.333 --> 01:04:47.858 Yeah, you're wetting yourself here. Go play football. 01:04:48.033 --> 01:04:49.660 - You sure? - Rich, let's go. 01:04:49.833 --> 01:04:53.496 - It's 7-O already. - All right. I'm playing football. 01:04:53.666 --> 01:04:55.725 Take off the sli- Oh, my God. 01:04:55.900 --> 01:04:58.130 Whoa, here we go. 01:04:58.300 --> 01:05:01.394 P- U-T-I-T-I-N Put it in 01:05:01.599 --> 01:05:04.763 P- U-T-I-T-I-N Put it in 01:05:06.133 --> 01:05:09.728 You and me, this is father-son stuff. Right here, huh? Here we go. 01:05:09.900 --> 01:05:13.358 - Ready, set... - I love you, baby. 01:05:13.533 --> 01:05:15.194 Hike. 01:05:15.366 --> 01:05:17.425 One Victoria's Secret. Two- 01:05:18.599 --> 01:05:20.158 - Oh, God. - Yeah. 01:05:20.333 --> 01:05:22.699 You want the hospital or the graveyard, punk? 01:05:23.199 --> 01:05:24.360 Yeah. 01:05:24.533 --> 01:05:26.330 - Here we go. - Are you okay? 01:05:26.500 --> 01:05:29.333 - I thought this was a touch game. - You have his license number? 01:05:29.500 --> 01:05:31.900 - What is he doing? - Sorry, D, did I hurt your vagina? 01:05:32.066 --> 01:05:35.968 Our team is what? Dynamite Our team is what? Dynamite 01:05:36.133 --> 01:05:37.930 - What's going on? - Our team is 01:05:39.133 --> 01:05:40.157 Dynamite 01:05:40.333 --> 01:05:41.493 Break. 01:05:43.866 --> 01:05:45.663 Run, Dad. 01:05:48.833 --> 01:05:50.494 Nicholas, are you okay? 01:05:50.666 --> 01:05:52.531 Game on. 01:05:52.733 --> 01:05:56.032 - Just stay down, son. - Thattaboy. You did it. 01:05:56.633 --> 01:05:59.397 Now, that's why we put creatine in our corn flakes. 01:06:00.033 --> 01:06:02.331 - You okay? - Punch him, kick him 01:06:02.500 --> 01:06:04.934 Stick him in the eye 01:06:06.433 --> 01:06:08.424 Here we go, here we go. 01:06:08.599 --> 01:06:10.727 All right, here we go. Come on, boys. 01:06:16.566 --> 01:06:19.694 - Yeah. - Your husband is a brute. 01:06:19.866 --> 01:06:21.493 - That's right. - Yo, Greg, man. 01:06:21.666 --> 01:06:23.327 You should be ashamed of yourself! 01:06:23.500 --> 01:06:25.900 Hey, what are you doing, Greg? Man, he's a kid. 01:06:26.066 --> 01:06:28.864 Hey, Darryl, Darryl. Shut your pie-hole, man! 01:06:29.033 --> 01:06:31.763 - It's football. It's football. - I know. 01:06:31.933 --> 01:06:34.333 - Stop acting like a bitch. - Why you starting, man? 01:06:34.500 --> 01:06:37.731 Come on, let's go. Man, come on. You guys suck. 01:06:38.133 --> 01:06:40.260 It's time to kick some butt. Come on. 01:06:41.000 --> 01:06:45.369 Ready, set, hike. 01:06:47.800 --> 01:06:50.530 - I got him. - Nicholas, block left. Come on. 01:06:53.366 --> 01:06:55.766 - Tommy. - How do you like them apples? 01:06:55.933 --> 01:06:58.731 - Get him. - Yeah, come on. 01:06:59.866 --> 01:07:03.063 - Yeah. - Yes. Yes. 01:07:06.666 --> 01:07:10.534 Tommy, what's going on? You call that a tackle? 01:07:11.000 --> 01:07:12.695 Told you, you gotta stay in the zone. 01:07:12.866 --> 01:07:15.426 You gotta eat some lightning and crap thunder, son. 01:07:15.599 --> 01:07:18.364 You wanna get up? Come on. Come on. Come on. 01:07:19.666 --> 01:07:23.830 - Come on. Come on, man. - Shut up, Darryl. It's my son. 01:07:24.699 --> 01:07:29.330 All right, it's do-or-die time. Last point wins. 01:07:30.199 --> 01:07:32.668 Nicholas, you ready? 01:07:33.766 --> 01:07:37.702 Purple Haze. Purple Haze 15. 01:07:38.033 --> 01:07:42.231 Ready, set, hike. 01:07:43.433 --> 01:07:44.661 Follow me. 01:07:46.766 --> 01:07:48.859 - Go, Nicholas. Go, Nicholas. - Come on, come on. 01:07:49.833 --> 01:07:51.391 - Bring it on. - Go. Go. 01:07:53.933 --> 01:07:56.265 - Go. Oh, my goodness. - Come on, get up. 01:07:57.433 --> 01:07:59.424 Go, Nicholas. Go, Nicholas. Go, Nicholas. 01:07:59.599 --> 01:08:02.160 - Come on. - Tommy, hurry. 01:08:02.333 --> 01:08:05.700 This team is dynamite We're dynamite 01:08:06.933 --> 01:08:10.801 - That's my son. - That is my boy. That is my boy. 01:08:10.966 --> 01:08:13.901 You did it, son. You crapped thunder. 01:08:14.066 --> 01:08:16.694 Nine months inside. Yes. 01:08:17.265 --> 01:08:18.698 Dad, Dad. 01:08:19.399 --> 01:08:22.595 - Yeah, son? - You suck. 01:08:23.198 --> 01:08:24.997 Son, Dad hurt his pee-pee. 01:08:25.166 --> 01:08:26.861 - Get up, you pussy. - I can't. 01:08:31.033 --> 01:08:34.024 All right, everybody, here she comes. Everybody, on three. 01:08:34.366 --> 01:08:36.765 One, two, three. 01:08:41.633 --> 01:08:43.328 They trying to punk me. 01:08:45.466 --> 01:08:48.492 All these people trying to make a fool out of me. 01:08:48.666 --> 01:08:50.224 Trying to make me cry. 01:08:50.500 --> 01:08:55.493 I didn't cry when I went to prison, and I ain't gonna cry now. 01:08:55.666 --> 01:09:00.433 I don't care if I never had a mother who threw me a party. 01:09:01.100 --> 01:09:06.127 Today is my birthday and I'm gonna smile, damn it. 01:09:09.933 --> 01:09:11.627 I wish I had a family. 01:09:11.800 --> 01:09:15.759 Well done, baby. What is this, Dad? 01:09:15.933 --> 01:09:18.902 I got a gift for the kid. I know I've been a little tough on him. 01:09:19.066 --> 01:09:22.058 But it ain't easy when I've been the center of all the attention... 01:09:22.233 --> 01:09:24.724 ...and all of a sudden, a kid walk in the house. A baby. 01:09:24.899 --> 01:09:28.358 I want you to know now, from now on, I'm here to help. 01:09:29.066 --> 01:09:32.627 Now, Calvin, make a wish. 01:09:32.800 --> 01:09:37.930 And I hope all of your wishes come true. 01:09:49.765 --> 01:09:51.323 Oh, great, you're here. 01:09:51.566 --> 01:09:53.932 The bouncy's in the back. Just go around the side. 01:09:54.100 --> 01:09:55.567 No, I'm here to get my son. 01:09:57.166 --> 01:09:58.861 Little dude. Little man. 01:09:59.166 --> 01:10:00.793 - Son? - That's right. 01:10:00.966 --> 01:10:04.026 I didn't think I could do it, but I got myself together, baby. 01:10:04.199 --> 01:10:07.363 So if you iust give me the boy, we're gonna slide out of here. 01:10:07.533 --> 01:10:11.196 So you're the guy who left his baby on my doorstep... 01:10:11.366 --> 01:10:14.199 - ... in a dog basket? - That's right, but that was a mistake. 01:10:14.366 --> 01:10:16.197 The guy who gave his own kid a tattoo? 01:10:16.366 --> 01:10:18.891 Wait. I can explain that. His mother was in the service. 01:10:19.066 --> 01:10:22.797 The person responsible for allowing his baby boy to take a knife in the gut? 01:10:22.966 --> 01:10:24.593 Wait. The boy needed discipline. 01:10:24.766 --> 01:10:26.358 - You should be castrated. - What? 01:10:26.533 --> 01:10:28.398 Ain't nothing wrong with my bowel movement. 01:10:28.566 --> 01:10:31.194 I go two, three times a day. Let me tell you something. 01:10:31.366 --> 01:10:33.357 I ain't got to explain nothing. I'm a grown- 01:10:33.533 --> 01:10:36.832 You iust caught yourself the official Brooklyn beat-down, homes. 01:10:37.000 --> 01:10:39.161 You iust entered the dragon, homeboy. 01:10:39.333 --> 01:10:41.631 Word up. I'm gonna tap you right on your Flintstone. 01:10:41.800 --> 01:10:44.530 Here it come, homeboy. Here it come, homeboy. Here it- 01:10:49.166 --> 01:10:50.861 Who is Mike Jones? 01:10:52.666 --> 01:10:54.725 Get the hell out of here. And don't come back. 01:10:57.699 --> 01:10:59.634 I want my mother. 01:11:00.600 --> 01:11:04.229 Looks like Percy's partner decided to keep the rock for himself. 01:11:04.399 --> 01:11:07.267 - Better go tell Mr. Walken. - Yeah. 01:11:07.533 --> 01:11:11.401 There you go. Good. 01:11:12.066 --> 01:11:13.533 - Come on. - Honestly, Janet... 01:11:13.699 --> 01:11:15.099 ...I don't know how you do it. 01:11:15.266 --> 01:11:17.427 - What's that, sweetie? - All of this. 01:11:17.600 --> 01:11:19.830 The parenting, the responsibility. 01:11:20.000 --> 01:11:22.298 It's really no different than any other career. 01:11:23.000 --> 01:11:26.265 I mean, you have scheduling, you have planning. Budgeting, of course. 01:11:26.433 --> 01:11:29.061 I guess the big difference is that my boss... 01:11:29.233 --> 01:11:31.394 ...I want to slather in kisses all day long. 01:11:31.766 --> 01:11:34.758 And I can, without being sued for sexual harassment. 01:11:36.566 --> 01:11:38.761 And you don't miss the iob at all? 01:11:38.933 --> 01:11:41.766 You know, sometimes I think I miss it... 01:11:41.933 --> 01:11:44.401 ...but then I remember all they really liked about me... 01:11:44.566 --> 01:11:46.397 ...was the money that I made for them. 01:11:46.899 --> 01:11:51.803 You know? I mean, this... This is real. These guys dig me. 01:11:51.966 --> 01:11:56.062 I am a diva, a giant, a goddess. 01:11:56.233 --> 01:11:58.701 I'm perfect. Aren't I perfect? 01:12:01.366 --> 01:12:03.391 Mommy, I don't feel good. 01:12:03.566 --> 01:12:05.864 What's the matter, honey? You got a tummy ache? 01:12:06.033 --> 01:12:09.594 Yeah? Think maybe it's from eating 16 pieces of cake... 01:12:09.766 --> 01:12:11.290 ...and beef ierky... 01:12:11.466 --> 01:12:13.730 ...and a balloon? Yeah. 01:12:15.466 --> 01:12:19.368 - Is he gonna be okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:12:19.533 --> 01:12:21.023 Just a little teaspoon of this- 01:12:21.199 --> 01:12:22.428 It is magic. 01:12:22.600 --> 01:12:26.400 and he will poop very shortly. 01:12:27.033 --> 01:12:28.694 It'll slide right out. 01:12:30.699 --> 01:12:31.758 Good boy. 01:12:32.166 --> 01:12:34.100 Well, maybe you should take him home. 01:12:34.266 --> 01:12:35.893 Yes, maybe we shall. 01:12:36.066 --> 01:12:39.035 - You wanna go home? - And you too. Yeah. 01:12:40.366 --> 01:12:42.561 Oh, goodness, what do you feed this kid? 01:12:42.733 --> 01:12:44.166 What do I feed you? 01:12:44.333 --> 01:12:46.267 - All right. I'll see you soon? - Okay. 01:12:46.433 --> 01:12:48.230 - Thank you. - See you later. Come on, hon. 01:12:48.399 --> 01:12:51.631 Such a good boy, helping your mom. 01:13:13.800 --> 01:13:16.360 Oh, sweetie. Wha-? 01:13:16.699 --> 01:13:20.431 Oh, honey, what's wrong? Sweetie? 01:13:20.600 --> 01:13:23.694 - Hey, little man, what's the matter? - I don't think he's feeling well. 01:13:23.866 --> 01:13:25.663 Are you okay? 01:13:29.000 --> 01:13:31.628 What's the matter, you gotta make a poo-poos? 01:13:32.966 --> 01:13:36.402 You gotta make a poo-poo. He gotta make a little poo-poo, yeah. 01:13:39.300 --> 01:13:40.699 God. 01:13:41.266 --> 01:13:43.427 What's going on, man, huh? 01:13:57.366 --> 01:14:00.392 Ain't that cute. He made a little surprise... 01:14:00.566 --> 01:14:01.965 ...for Mommy. 01:14:02.133 --> 01:14:03.395 - Mom-? For me? - Go ahead. 01:14:03.566 --> 01:14:06.763 - Mommy take care. - Darryl, why me? I did it last time. 01:14:06.933 --> 01:14:08.833 Wash your hands before you make dinner. 01:14:09.000 --> 01:14:10.797 Come on, Calvin. 01:14:11.600 --> 01:14:12.726 Come on. 01:14:20.500 --> 01:14:22.434 Man, what a day. 01:14:24.566 --> 01:14:27.126 - I can't believe you did this. - Did what? 01:14:27.300 --> 01:14:30.701 - This. Darryl, it's so beautiful. - I did- I- 01:14:30.866 --> 01:14:33.198 It's so romantic, the way you put it in his diaper. 01:14:33.366 --> 01:14:36.494 Then you made me change him even though I didn't want to. Oh, so- 01:14:37.233 --> 01:14:39.428 - No, but, honey- - We should go out and celebrate. 01:14:39.600 --> 01:14:41.227 - Somewhere nice? I'll change. - Wait. 01:14:41.399 --> 01:14:43.925 Thank you, baby. I love it, I love it, I love it. 01:14:44.100 --> 01:14:47.365 - I love it, I love it, I love it. - I gotta talk to you. 01:14:47.533 --> 01:14:49.364 - Baby, come here. - Damn. 01:14:52.699 --> 01:14:54.429 Are you sure you guys are gonna be okay? 01:14:54.600 --> 01:14:58.559 - We'll be fine, won't we, little boy? - I love Papa. 01:14:58.733 --> 01:15:00.360 - All right. Bye. - Okay. 01:15:00.533 --> 01:15:02.763 Y'all have a good time, now. I know we will. 01:15:05.033 --> 01:15:06.728 Bye-bye. 01:15:07.233 --> 01:15:11.397 We going to have a good time. He's a nice little boy too. Yes, indeedy. 01:15:11.566 --> 01:15:14.501 He's a cute little boy too. Look at the little baby. 01:15:14.666 --> 01:15:18.397 Yeah, he's a good little boy. One, two, three. 01:15:20.600 --> 01:15:22.932 Now, you come clean, you little punk. Who are you? 01:15:23.100 --> 01:15:25.830 Where you from? What you all about? What is all this? 01:15:29.399 --> 01:15:32.392 Look here, old man. You been a real pain in my butt. 01:15:32.566 --> 01:15:34.932 And you're right, I did rob that jewelry store. 01:15:35.100 --> 01:15:38.069 And now there's some real bad people after me. 01:15:38.233 --> 01:15:40.394 And the people you love are gonna get hurt... 01:15:40.566 --> 01:15:42.033 ...if I don't get that diamond. 01:15:42.199 --> 01:15:46.762 And I don't want that to happen, so you better just stay out of my way. 01:15:52.766 --> 01:15:55.428 Hey, yo, Percy, it's me. Be here in a hour. 01:15:55.600 --> 01:15:58.228 - I'll have the diamond then. - How can you do this to us? 01:15:58.833 --> 01:16:00.994 We took you in, thought you were a child in need. 01:16:01.166 --> 01:16:04.727 - You turn out to be a lowlife thief. - Look, I didn't mean for it to go this far. 01:16:04.899 --> 01:16:06.993 I was iust trying to get my diamond and be out. 01:16:07.166 --> 01:16:11.227 - You ain't getting away with it. - Then it's time to dance. Come on. 01:16:12.466 --> 01:16:14.229 - Baby, I- - Sweetheart... 01:16:14.399 --> 01:16:16.425 ...this means so much to me. 01:16:16.600 --> 01:16:18.693 I know it's not real. Look at the size of this. 01:16:18.866 --> 01:16:20.857 There's no way you could afford that, but... 01:16:21.066 --> 01:16:25.560 Well, it's what the ring symbolizes that makes it so special to me. 01:16:25.733 --> 01:16:28.395 - Yeah, about that, baby. I didn't- - Please. Let me finish. 01:16:28.566 --> 01:16:32.730 Please. I know that you are not the one who isn't ready. It's me. 01:16:32.899 --> 01:16:35.494 I have always needed for everything to fit my schedule. 01:16:35.666 --> 01:16:39.033 And you have shown me that sometimes life doesn't work that way. 01:16:39.199 --> 01:16:43.068 It's unpredictable, and sometimes you have to go with the flow and... 01:16:43.233 --> 01:16:45.224 I'll never be ready until it just happens. 01:16:45.399 --> 01:16:48.699 - Vanessa, I iust wanna tell you- - I think that we should just do it. 01:16:49.733 --> 01:16:51.360 Do what? 01:16:51.600 --> 01:16:52.897 Let's adopt him. 01:16:53.066 --> 01:16:55.557 Tomorrow let's take the baby to Child Services... 01:16:55.733 --> 01:16:57.030 ...and start the paperwork. 01:16:57.199 --> 01:16:58.758 You mean we can keep him? 01:16:58.933 --> 01:17:00.833 - Yeah. - Yes. 01:17:02.100 --> 01:17:04.034 So, what did you wanna tell me? 01:17:06.333 --> 01:17:07.322 Nothing. 01:17:07.500 --> 01:17:09.331 Nothing at all. Let's- Let's toast. 01:17:09.833 --> 01:17:11.460 Okay. 01:17:15.000 --> 01:17:16.729 You don't mess with a man from Detroit. 01:17:16.899 --> 01:17:18.060 I'm from Detroit. 01:17:18.233 --> 01:17:20.428 The hell you doing? 01:17:20.600 --> 01:17:22.500 - What's going on? - Daddy, get off of him. 01:17:22.666 --> 01:17:24.691 - Get off of the baby. - Stop it. 01:17:24.866 --> 01:17:26.356 Ain't no baby. That's a criminal. 01:17:26.533 --> 01:17:29.696 I have had it with you. I'm calling Whispering Glen. 01:17:29.866 --> 01:17:31.128 Vanessa, I ain't crazy. 01:17:31.300 --> 01:17:34.030 You see, I know what is and I know what ain't is. 01:17:34.199 --> 01:17:36.361 And he ain't is what he say he is. 01:17:36.533 --> 01:17:38.728 You see, "is" is and "ain'ts" ain't. 01:17:39.166 --> 01:17:40.861 Check the teddy bear. The teddy bear. 01:17:41.033 --> 01:17:42.500 Teddy bear knows. 01:17:42.666 --> 01:17:45.362 - Come on, then. Please. - We'll take good care of your father. 01:17:45.533 --> 01:17:47.592 Whispering Glen is a safe facility. 01:17:47.766 --> 01:17:49.825 Give him a couple of days to adjust... 01:17:50.000 --> 01:17:52.332 - Let me go. - ... and then come visit. 01:18:00.399 --> 01:18:04.427 Vanessa, believe me. "Is" is, "ain'ts" ain't. 01:18:04.600 --> 01:18:06.568 Use the Taser if you have to. 01:18:06.733 --> 01:18:08.200 Check the teddy bear. 01:18:08.366 --> 01:18:09.856 The teddy bear. 01:18:12.033 --> 01:18:13.898 I'm gonna go put him to bed. 01:18:14.500 --> 01:18:16.024 Yeah. 01:18:24.500 --> 01:18:25.489 Man. 01:18:26.500 --> 01:18:29.867 How does one child turn a household upside down in a weekend? 01:18:30.266 --> 01:18:33.326 Look at this place. It's a mess. 01:18:48.399 --> 01:18:50.265 Check the teddy bear. The teddy bear. 01:18:50.433 --> 01:18:51.957 Teddy bear knows. 01:18:54.333 --> 01:18:55.891 Grandpa bad. 01:18:56.066 --> 01:18:58.694 No. No, baby. No, no, no. 01:18:58.866 --> 01:19:01.357 Papa's not bad. He didn't mean to hurt you. He just- 01:19:02.100 --> 01:19:05.194 He's a little... Yeah. 01:19:32.199 --> 01:19:34.896 Wow, look here, old man. You've been a real pain in the butt. 01:19:35.600 --> 01:19:37.830 And you're right, I did rob that jewelry store. 01:19:38.000 --> 01:19:40.594 And now there's a lot of bad people a_er me. 01:19:40.766 --> 01:19:42.358 People you love are gonna get hurt... 01:19:42.533 --> 01:19:44.091 ...if I don't get the diamond back. 01:19:44.266 --> 01:19:45.528 Vanessa. 01:19:45.699 --> 01:19:46.860 Vanessa. 01:19:47.566 --> 01:19:50.126 - Where's Calvin? - I put him in the cr- 01:19:50.300 --> 01:19:52.530 - Where's the diamond? - It was- 01:19:53.366 --> 01:19:55.561 - Gone. - Damn. Pops was right. 01:19:55.733 --> 01:19:58.600 - I'm calling the police. - I'm gonna get my dad. 01:20:00.300 --> 01:20:01.426 Dad! 01:20:01.600 --> 01:20:03.966 Yes, I have some information on a stolen diamond. 01:20:04.766 --> 01:20:06.290 That's what I'm talking about. 01:20:06.466 --> 01:20:08.297 We did it. We rich, baby. 01:20:10.199 --> 01:20:13.397 - Yes. Just in the nick of time. - We blinging. 01:20:13.566 --> 01:20:15.534 Walken and his goons is going to that house. 01:20:15.933 --> 01:20:17.161 - What? - Don't worry. 01:20:17.333 --> 01:20:19.301 He thinks Darryl's my partner. 01:20:19.466 --> 01:20:22.367 You idiot. Walken will kill him if he don't have his diamond. 01:20:22.533 --> 01:20:25.764 Exactly. Which means he won't be coming after you. 01:20:25.933 --> 01:20:29.369 It's perfect. We get away scot-free. 01:20:31.566 --> 01:20:33.124 This is the time you hit me, right? 01:20:36.466 --> 01:20:37.990 Let me pull over. 01:20:41.000 --> 01:20:44.299 Don't start beating me like I'm a R & B singer, man. 01:20:45.933 --> 01:20:49.027 Police is here. Hey. 01:20:50.166 --> 01:20:52.191 Hey. Can I help you? 01:20:52.366 --> 01:20:54.334 Is this the guy that double-crossed Percy? 01:20:54.500 --> 01:20:55.728 Yeah, that's the guy, boss. 01:20:55.899 --> 01:20:59.097 I don't know anybody named Percy. You must got the wrong guy. 01:20:59.399 --> 01:21:01.868 - Cut the crap. I want my diamond. - I don't have it. 01:21:02.033 --> 01:21:04.661 Too bad. I guess we're gonna have to beat it out of you. 01:21:04.833 --> 01:21:07.563 I iust called the police. And they're on their way over here. 01:21:07.933 --> 01:21:10.197 Really? That doesn't leave us much time then. 01:21:11.366 --> 01:21:14.028 - Take him. - Wait, wait, wait. Wait, guys. 01:21:15.666 --> 01:21:16.826 Dada? 01:21:19.600 --> 01:21:21.227 Dada. 01:21:22.133 --> 01:21:23.191 Who's this little guy? 01:21:24.500 --> 01:21:26.058 That's my son. 01:21:28.699 --> 01:21:29.724 Take him upstairs. 01:21:31.666 --> 01:21:34.100 - I wanna talk to you. - Cute kid. 01:21:34.266 --> 01:21:36.894 It's- Just- I don't have- Listen. That's my nipple. 01:21:41.899 --> 01:21:43.026 Time to take a nap. 01:21:43.199 --> 01:21:44.792 Night-night? 01:21:44.966 --> 01:21:47.901 And don't worry about any loud noises you may hear downstairs. 01:21:48.066 --> 01:21:50.330 It's iust us beating up your daddy. 01:21:52.500 --> 01:21:54.092 Here you are. 01:21:57.233 --> 01:21:59.394 Nighty-night. 01:22:35.566 --> 01:22:36.897 Click. 01:22:42.199 --> 01:22:44.760 Now tell me, where's my diamond? 01:22:44.933 --> 01:22:46.230 I told you, I don't have it. 01:22:46.399 --> 01:22:48.334 You don't tell me where my diamond is... 01:22:48.500 --> 01:22:52.129 ...that cute little baby of yours is gonna get hurt. 01:22:58.533 --> 01:23:01.093 Moron, get the kid. Get the kid. 01:23:02.800 --> 01:23:04.028 I want him. 01:23:09.833 --> 01:23:11.300 There you are, little buddy. 01:23:12.566 --> 01:23:13.965 Come on. 01:23:14.133 --> 01:23:15.464 Come to Uncle Rosco. 01:23:24.399 --> 01:23:26.027 Okay. Play nicey-nicey. 01:23:55.866 --> 01:23:57.731 Okay, get your ass up. 01:23:57.899 --> 01:24:00.869 Yeah, get up. I got you now. 01:24:01.033 --> 01:24:02.557 Yeah. Yeah. 01:24:03.399 --> 01:24:04.662 Ain't so tough now, are you? 01:24:09.166 --> 01:24:10.827 Back up. Or I'll shoot you. 01:24:11.233 --> 01:24:13.098 Shoot me, tough guy. Come on. 01:24:15.766 --> 01:24:16.926 Oh, boy. 01:24:17.100 --> 01:24:18.499 I'm surrounded by morons. 01:24:19.000 --> 01:24:20.865 Here. You dropped your gun, sir. 01:24:21.033 --> 01:24:23.501 Here you go. It's all yours. 01:24:23.666 --> 01:24:25.531 - What are you gonna do? - Wait, wait, I- 01:24:25.699 --> 01:24:28.464 Come on, get out of here. Come on. 01:24:32.899 --> 01:24:33.924 All right, dude. 01:24:34.100 --> 01:24:38.560 You busted my Sergio da Vincis, $62.50 designer frames. 01:24:38.733 --> 01:24:41.725 Not cool. Not cool. 01:24:42.233 --> 01:24:43.427 Okay, buddy. 01:24:43.600 --> 01:24:46.000 We can either do this the easy way or the hard way. 01:24:46.833 --> 01:24:50.269 I think I like it the hard way. 01:24:59.666 --> 01:25:01.156 Did we get him? 01:25:01.866 --> 01:25:03.094 He's yours, man. 01:25:11.366 --> 01:25:12.355 Dude... 01:25:13.566 --> 01:25:15.431 ...you iust woke the dragon up. 01:25:15.600 --> 01:25:17.261 Prepare for pain. 01:25:17.433 --> 01:25:20.231 It's time for the dragon to go back to sleep. 01:25:32.233 --> 01:25:34.030 What are you doing? 01:25:36.366 --> 01:25:39.267 - Stop. - You going down, Sasquatch. 01:25:39.433 --> 01:25:41.230 Better not. 01:26:00.766 --> 01:26:02.290 What the hell is going on here? 01:26:02.466 --> 01:26:03.990 That ain't no baby. 01:26:04.166 --> 01:26:05.360 - Who else is here? - Nobody. 01:26:05.533 --> 01:26:07.899 - Who's here? - Nobody, I swear. 01:26:08.066 --> 01:26:09.658 Come on. 01:26:09.833 --> 01:26:12.165 Inside. Inside. 01:26:13.399 --> 01:26:14.628 There's the little monster. 01:26:15.233 --> 01:26:17.201 Listen, what does he got there? 01:26:17.566 --> 01:26:20.057 - It's an airplane. - Tell him to get rid of the plane. 01:26:21.399 --> 01:26:22.458 Get rid of it. 01:26:23.733 --> 01:26:25.997 Calvin, throw the plane. 01:26:36.100 --> 01:26:37.089 What are you doing? 01:26:43.399 --> 01:26:45.027 Don't move. 01:26:46.300 --> 01:26:47.961 Save it, tough guy. 01:26:48.133 --> 01:26:50.260 You're not gonna shoot me. 01:26:50.833 --> 01:26:52.061 But I will. 01:26:53.899 --> 01:26:55.026 Freeze! Police! 01:26:55.199 --> 01:26:56.633 Freeze! Police! 01:26:56.800 --> 01:26:58.791 I got this. You check the house. 01:26:59.933 --> 01:27:02.868 Black cops, come with me. White lady, you stay here. 01:27:03.066 --> 01:27:05.091 I'm telling you, guys, that ain't no baby. 01:27:05.266 --> 01:27:07.496 He's the mastermind behind the whole thing. 01:27:07.666 --> 01:27:09.190 Get him out of here. 01:27:09.366 --> 01:27:11.926 He's a stone-cold killer, that kid. 01:27:13.333 --> 01:27:14.823 Would you get this thing off me? 01:27:15.000 --> 01:27:18.401 Relax. Where you're going, you might want to keep that on. 01:27:18.966 --> 01:27:20.729 I don't wanna go to iail. 01:27:20.899 --> 01:27:22.993 It's too dark. There's no TV. 01:27:27.966 --> 01:27:29.661 Hey, where you going, little guy? 01:27:33.100 --> 01:27:34.897 Ain't this your kid? 01:27:35.066 --> 01:27:36.090 Dada? 01:27:37.600 --> 01:27:39.833 Yeah, that's my son. 01:27:39.833 --> 01:27:41.528 Now, Calvin... 01:27:41.666 --> 01:27:43.930 ...don't you have something for the nice policeman? 01:27:45.566 --> 01:27:47.431 - No. - Come on. 01:27:47.600 --> 01:27:50.535 You don't wanna go to prison with the rest of the bad men, do you? 01:27:56.266 --> 01:27:57.358 There we go. 01:27:57.533 --> 01:27:59.592 Hey, the diamond. 01:27:59.766 --> 01:28:02.530 Thanks, kid. Now your dad's gonna get a big reward. 01:28:02.699 --> 01:28:05.032 - A reward? - Yeah, the insurance company... 01:28:05.199 --> 01:28:07.896 ...offered $ 1 OO,OOO to whoever found the diamond. 01:28:08.066 --> 01:28:09.658 A hundred thousand dollars? 01:28:10.266 --> 01:28:11.733 God, that's gonna come in handy. 01:28:11.899 --> 01:28:13.424 Shoot, I could get my car fixed... 01:28:13.600 --> 01:28:15.329 ...get a new wedding ring for my wife... 01:28:15.500 --> 01:28:18.833 ...I could take a vacation, buy a TV set- 01:28:19.300 --> 01:28:21.200 And if there's any change left over... 01:28:21.366 --> 01:28:24.267 ...I'll give a little something to my son. 01:28:24.600 --> 01:28:27.262 Right. Well, we'll be in touch. 01:28:37.600 --> 01:28:38.726 So... 01:28:39.000 --> 01:28:41.798 Oh, come on. Let's not get all mushy about this. 01:28:41.966 --> 01:28:44.935 Let's iust shake hands and part ways like men. 01:28:45.100 --> 01:28:47.034 All right? No hard feelings? 01:28:47.433 --> 01:28:49.833 - Nah, no hard feelings. - All right. 01:28:50.000 --> 01:28:52.867 Besides, it was kind of cool having a son for a minute. 01:28:53.033 --> 01:28:56.025 See? There you go with all that sentimental stuff. 01:28:56.899 --> 01:28:58.492 If that's the game you wanna play... 01:28:58.666 --> 01:29:01.567 ...I guess it was cool having you as a fa- 01:29:01.966 --> 01:29:03.126 Oh, boy. 01:29:03.300 --> 01:29:07.361 What I'm trying to say is, I've never really had a daddy. 01:29:08.166 --> 01:29:09.463 I guess what I'm saying is... 01:29:09.633 --> 01:29:11.794 ...you're gonna make a great father, all right? 01:29:11.966 --> 01:29:13.695 There, I said it. Are you happy now? 01:29:15.133 --> 01:29:16.964 Now, I'm gonna walk out that back door... 01:29:17.133 --> 01:29:20.899 ...and you ain't gonna see me no more. Ever. 01:29:21.899 --> 01:29:23.663 - But- - Oh, it hurts. 01:29:23.833 --> 01:29:25.664 - We- - I know. 01:29:25.833 --> 01:29:27.323 We'll never see each other again. 01:29:27.500 --> 01:29:29.798 - But we- - Maybe that's for the best. 01:29:29.966 --> 01:29:31.126 You'll start a family... 01:29:31.300 --> 01:29:34.201 ...and you won't need a lowlife criminal like... 01:29:34.366 --> 01:29:36.197 ...Calvin Sims around anymore. 01:29:36.366 --> 01:29:39.893 Actually what I was gonna say is, we don't have a back door. 01:29:40.066 --> 01:29:42.398 Okay, well, then I'll go out the front. 01:29:43.300 --> 01:29:45.825 - Fine. - Well... 01:29:46.433 --> 01:29:50.836 I'll be out of your lives for good, never to return again. 01:29:51.399 --> 01:29:52.992 Cool. 01:29:56.600 --> 01:29:57.999 So long. 01:29:58.166 --> 01:30:01.693 Farewell. Oh, God. 01:30:04.766 --> 01:30:08.099 Aren't you gonna miss me? Just a little bit? 01:30:08.266 --> 01:30:11.758 - See you around, buddy. - No? 01:30:12.333 --> 01:30:13.527 Take care. 01:30:14.033 --> 01:30:15.660 Goodbye. 01:30:15.833 --> 01:30:21.032 It's so hard to say goodbye 01:30:35.366 --> 01:30:37.493 Why? 01:30:38.300 --> 01:30:42.396 Nobody loves Calvin. 01:30:42.566 --> 01:30:44.557 Because I'm short. 01:30:45.566 --> 01:30:48.660 - They think I'm ugly. - Hey, little man. 01:30:49.566 --> 01:30:51.261 Wanna share a glass of milk? 01:31:01.233 --> 01:31:04.031 Enough of all this girlie stuff. This ain't Brokeback Mountain. 01:31:05.166 --> 01:31:07.726 Hey, how about we put a little bit of liquor in that milk? 01:31:07.899 --> 01:31:09.697 Forget that. Let's go to a bar. 01:31:09.866 --> 01:31:11.026 All right. Bet. 01:31:11.199 --> 01:31:13.691 - Are you over 21? - And then some. 01:31:13.899 --> 01:31:15.424 All right. 01:31:17.666 --> 01:31:19.793 Hey, I know this great strip club. 01:31:20.233 --> 01:31:22.167 Don't say that loud. My wife might get mad. 01:31:22.333 --> 01:31:24.096 - Oh, sorry. - Got change of a hundred? 01:31:24.266 --> 01:31:26.564 - No, we steal it from Pops. - All right. All singles. 01:31:40.000 --> 01:31:42.730 You a cute little fellow. Yes, you are. 01:31:42.899 --> 01:31:45.664 Take after your mama. You got a lot of grandpoppy in you too. 01:31:45.833 --> 01:31:50.065 Yes, you do, little boy. Look at the little boy. 01:31:50.500 --> 01:31:52.229 Where's the bottle? The kid is starving. 01:31:52.399 --> 01:31:54.732 I'm coming. I'm coming. Old grouch. 01:31:55.466 --> 01:31:56.763 Here he comes, little boy. 01:31:56.933 --> 01:32:01.461 Don't worry. We gonna get you some milk. Yeah. 01:32:01.833 --> 01:32:04.063 That little guy's so cute... 01:32:04.233 --> 01:32:06.428 ...it's making me go soft. 01:32:06.600 --> 01:32:08.932 He look iust like his daddy. 01:32:11.500 --> 01:32:13.991 Howdy-do, little boy. 01:39:00.283 --> 01:39:01.409 So... 01:39:01.683 --> 01:39:04.481 Oh, come on. Let's not get all mushy about this. 01:39:04.650 --> 01:39:07.619 Let's iust shake hands and part ways like men. 01:39:07.783 --> 01:39:09.717 All right? No hard feelings? 01:39:34.650 --> 01:39:36.379 There, I said it. Are you happy now? 01:39:37.816 --> 01:39:39.647 Now, I'm gonna walk out that back door... 01:39:39.816 --> 01:39:43.582 ...and you ain't gonna see me no more. Ever.