WEBVTT
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(Anthony) Whoa! The Like button makes
a sound when you click it!
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(Ian) SHUT UP!
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MOLESTER!
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I really want to tell these
two idiots that they're homos,
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but I don't know how to use
this complicated internet page!
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Oh, what's that?
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Whoaaa, where?!
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Oh, there's my legs!
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Hi, I'm Bob Roberts!
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Have you ever wanted to leave
a comment on a YouTube video?
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Absolutely, guy on the computer!
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Well, I've perused through
a dozen YouTube comments
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and learned the best way to leave
feedback on a YouTubes video.
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Come along and I'll show ya.
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Wheeeee!
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First rule of leaving
a successful YouTube comment
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is to always spell everything wrong
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and write in all capital letters!
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Sure thing, guy on the computer!
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I'm gonna go find them
and tell them right now!
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(knocking)
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I've got a comment for you two hippies!
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(Ian) Our "veedos" suck
and we're 12 year old "homooz"?
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And if you're first to comment on a video,
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always be sure to scream out:
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FIRST!
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Wait, what?!
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Even if you're not the first,
you're close enough!
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Or, you can just call them:
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GAAAAAY!
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(chuckles)
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Whoooo! I'm a ghost!
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Just kidding, I'm real!
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Rule number two:
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Always make sure you start arguments
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with people in the comments section!
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But make sure you know
absolutely flipping nothing
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about the subject you're arguing.
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I don't like Obama because other people
said they don't like Obama
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And I don't have the patience
to do my own research
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or form my own opinions on Obama!
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Get out of my office, old man!
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This is where I do the YouTubes!
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Ewww!
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If that's not workin',
find a triangle in the video and say:
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ILLUMINATI!
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(gasps)
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-Yeeeeeeaaah!
-(ninja screams)
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Rule number three:
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Always leave constructive criticism
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so the creator can become
a better YouTuber!
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What the sh*t?!
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Maybe next time you could try
doing the video a little better by--
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Yeah, I'm just messing around.
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Call them a--
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GAYWAD!
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That's some great f*cking advice!
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Rule number four:
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If you come across a new video,
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always question how
you're the 301st viewer!
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No, don't put it in the barrel's ass!
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But, seriously, how can there be
20,000 likes and only 301 views?!
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It makes no sense!
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Hacker alert!
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Scammer alert!
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Swedish alert!
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If you don't have anything
real to comment,
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make sure you copy/paste
a really sad story
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you found online to get lots of likes!
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This is mine and my wife's song.
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She was 23, I was 18.
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I hate it.
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It had to end when she
died in a car crash.
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I loved her so much, but she cheated
and I couldn't live with that!
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Like this if you cry every time!
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(whimpering)
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(still whimpering)
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(whimper whimper)
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Like this if you cry every--
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SHUT THE F*CK UP, GRANDPA BRO!!
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Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Cuckoo!
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Rule number five:
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If a video has a girl in it,
be sure to be as sexist
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and terrible and disgusting as possible!
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Why? Because...
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I don't know, everybody
else does it online!
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Gross!
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You look like a whore!
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What the f*ck you just say?!
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And don't forget--you're anonymous,
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so forget the fact
that they have feelings
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and say something
incredibly rude about them!
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You're getting super obese
and I hate your stupid voice!
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Tits or GTFO!
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Don't make me cut you!
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Bitch got shank!
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(mimicking robot)
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If you leave a comment that gets
a lot of negative feedback,
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you could always tell people:
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Umm, my little sister hacked
my account and left that comment!
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[bleep]!
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(groaning in pain)
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And if that doesn't work,
you could always finish it off
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with a classic:
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(weakly) Gaaaay.
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Whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp.
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So there you have it, folks!
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Follow my simple steps
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and you'll be a professional Youtube
commentator in no time!
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Until next time, I'm Bob Roberts,
wishin' you a fine afternoon!
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Whaaaaaah!
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(imitates a rocket)
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I think I'm havin' a stroke!
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THANK U 4
WATCHING!
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PLZ LICK COMENT
& SUBSKRIB!
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(groaning)
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First to view a dying old man!
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Your shirt sucks! Dislike!
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Your old videos were better
when you weren't such a fat whale!
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Tits or GTFO!
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Like this if you cry every time...
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UNSUBSCRIBED!
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(both giggle)
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High five!
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(Ian) To see behind-the-scenes footage
and bloopers from this episode,
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click the moving picture on the left!
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Today, Pewwwwdiepie's
gonna be playin' some
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Ostrich Killing Banana Beada Ba.
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(Swedish expletive)
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(laughing)
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If you wanna see an Honest Trailer
for Grand Theft Auto 5,
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whatever the hell that is,
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click that little video thingie on the right!
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(Narrator) Enter a game world
that is so bloated
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with extra features,
you won't bother to play
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half of what it has to offer!
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Yoga, seriously?
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(Ian) My grandson said if you
have more subscribers,
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it makes you cooler!
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So clickie that little subscribe
thingamajigger.
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I'm gonna go to the hospital.
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I'm pretty sure this
is a full-blown stroke.
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I am full-blown stroking right now.
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Byeee!
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[visit www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube
to see other videos or to make a request]