1
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:03,800
(Anthony) Whoa! The Like button makes
a sound when you click it!
2
00:00:03,850 --> 00:00:05,055
(Ian) SHUT UP!
3
00:00:08,755 --> 00:00:10,337
MOLESTER!
4
00:00:10,387 --> 00:00:13,869
I really want to tell these
two idiots that they're homos,
5
00:00:14,064 --> 00:00:17,847
but I don't know how to use
this complicated internet page!
6
00:00:18,013 --> 00:00:19,165
Oh, what's that?
7
00:00:19,262 --> 00:00:20,603
Whoaaa, where?!
8
00:00:20,746 --> 00:00:22,781
Oh, there's my legs!
9
00:00:23,039 --> 00:00:25,090
Hi, I'm Bob Roberts!
10
00:00:25,229 --> 00:00:28,640
Have you ever wanted to leave
a comment on a YouTube video?
11
00:00:28,785 --> 00:00:31,522
Absolutely, guy on the computer!
12
00:00:31,629 --> 00:00:35,135
Well, I've perused through
a dozen YouTube comments
13
00:00:35,265 --> 00:00:39,256
and learned the best way to leave
feedback on a YouTubes video.
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00:00:39,590 --> 00:00:41,184
Come along and I'll show ya.
15
00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:42,565
Wheeeee!
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00:00:42,754 --> 00:00:45,725
First rule of leaving
a successful YouTube comment
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00:00:45,855 --> 00:00:48,127
is to always spell everything wrong
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00:00:48,237 --> 00:00:50,987
and write in all capital letters!
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00:00:51,246 --> 00:00:53,237
Sure thing, guy on the computer!
20
00:00:53,513 --> 00:00:56,226
I'm gonna go find them
and tell them right now!
21
00:00:56,863 --> 00:00:58,040
(knocking)
22
00:01:00,270 --> 00:01:02,856
I've got a comment for you two hippies!
23
00:01:03,657 --> 00:01:06,950
(Ian) Our "veedos" suck
and we're 12 year old "homooz"?
24
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,837
And if you're first to comment on a video,
25
00:01:09,897 --> 00:01:12,138
always be sure to scream out:
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00:01:12,235 --> 00:01:13,291
FIRST!
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00:01:13,518 --> 00:01:14,728
Wait, what?!
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00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:18,227
Even if you're not the first,
you're close enough!
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00:01:18,395 --> 00:01:20,288
Or, you can just call them:
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GAAAAAY!
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00:01:21,899 --> 00:01:23,203
(chuckles)
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Whoooo! I'm a ghost!
33
00:01:29,013 --> 00:01:30,178
Just kidding, I'm real!
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00:01:30,285 --> 00:01:31,454
Rule number two:
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00:01:31,642 --> 00:01:33,477
Always make sure you start arguments
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00:01:33,477 --> 00:01:35,349
with people in the comments section!
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00:01:35,515 --> 00:01:38,586
But make sure you know
absolutely flipping nothing
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00:01:38,586 --> 00:01:40,506
about the subject you're arguing.
39
00:01:43,151 --> 00:01:46,779
I don't like Obama because other people
said they don't like Obama
40
00:01:46,884 --> 00:01:49,216
And I don't have the patience
to do my own research
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or form my own opinions on Obama!
42
00:01:51,366 --> 00:01:52,863
Get out of my office, old man!
43
00:01:52,994 --> 00:01:54,325
This is where I do the YouTubes!
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00:01:54,495 --> 00:01:55,461
Ewww!
45
00:01:55,977 --> 00:02:00,829
If that's not workin',
find a triangle in the video and say:
46
00:02:00,929 --> 00:02:02,144
ILLUMINATI!
47
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:02,863
(gasps)
48
00:02:02,953 --> 00:02:04,455
-Yeeeeeeaaah!
-(ninja screams)
49
00:02:04,614 --> 00:02:05,822
Rule number three:
50
00:02:05,990 --> 00:02:07,954
Always leave constructive criticism
51
00:02:07,954 --> 00:02:11,271
so the creator can become
a better YouTuber!
52
00:02:14,558 --> 00:02:15,701
What the sh*t?!
53
00:02:15,799 --> 00:02:18,783
Maybe next time you could try
doing the video a little better by--
54
00:02:18,853 --> 00:02:20,710
Yeah, I'm just messing around.
55
00:02:21,077 --> 00:02:21,908
Call them a--
56
00:02:21,928 --> 00:02:23,386
GAYWAD!
57
00:02:23,475 --> 00:02:25,289
That's some great f*cking advice!
58
00:02:26,474 --> 00:02:27,809
Rule number four:
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00:02:27,861 --> 00:02:29,927
If you come across a new video,
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00:02:30,165 --> 00:02:33,133
always question how
you're the 301st viewer!
61
00:02:33,725 --> 00:02:35,572
No, don't put it in the barrel's ass!
62
00:02:35,673 --> 00:02:40,355
But, seriously, how can there be
20,000 likes and only 301 views?!
63
00:02:40,415 --> 00:02:41,651
It makes no sense!
64
00:02:41,771 --> 00:02:42,924
Hacker alert!
65
00:02:43,074 --> 00:02:44,429
Scammer alert!
66
00:02:44,609 --> 00:02:46,336
Swedish alert!
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00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,831
If you don't have anything
real to comment,
68
00:02:49,009 --> 00:02:51,650
make sure you copy/paste
a really sad story
69
00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:54,616
you found online to get lots of likes!
70
00:02:54,916 --> 00:02:56,894
This is mine and my wife's song.
71
00:02:56,904 --> 00:02:58,855
She was 23, I was 18.
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00:02:58,855 --> 00:02:59,558
I hate it.
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00:02:59,558 --> 00:03:01,677
It had to end when she
died in a car crash.
74
00:03:01,747 --> 00:03:05,183
I loved her so much, but she cheated
and I couldn't live with that!
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00:03:05,692 --> 00:03:08,315
Like this if you cry every time!
76
00:03:10,907 --> 00:03:12,725
(whimpering)
77
00:03:14,140 --> 00:03:16,353
(still whimpering)
78
00:03:17,592 --> 00:03:19,702
(whimper whimper)
79
00:03:23,064 --> 00:03:25,118
Like this if you cry every--
80
00:03:25,118 --> 00:03:26,570
SHUT THE F*CK UP, GRANDPA BRO!!
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00:03:26,881 --> 00:03:29,165
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Cuckoo!
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00:03:29,569 --> 00:03:30,743
Rule number five:
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If a video has a girl in it,
be sure to be as sexist
84
00:03:34,667 --> 00:03:37,362
and terrible and disgusting as possible!
85
00:03:37,671 --> 00:03:39,175
Why? Because...
86
00:03:39,628 --> 00:03:41,801
I don't know, everybody
else does it online!
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00:03:44,650 --> 00:03:45,582
Gross!
88
00:03:45,624 --> 00:03:47,281
You look like a whore!
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00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:48,582
What the f*ck you just say?!
90
00:03:48,692 --> 00:03:51,331
And don't forget--you're anonymous,
91
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:53,699
so forget the fact
that they have feelings
92
00:03:53,699 --> 00:03:56,593
and say something
incredibly rude about them!
93
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,545
You're getting super obese
and I hate your stupid voice!
94
00:03:59,795 --> 00:04:01,443
Tits or GTFO!
95
00:04:01,897 --> 00:04:03,273
Don't make me cut you!
96
00:04:03,290 --> 00:04:04,577
Bitch got shank!
97
00:04:04,693 --> 00:04:07,161
(mimicking robot)
98
00:04:07,491 --> 00:04:10,877
If you leave a comment that gets
a lot of negative feedback,
99
00:04:11,096 --> 00:04:13,160
you could always tell people:
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00:04:13,369 --> 00:04:17,463
Umm, my little sister hacked
my account and left that comment!
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00:04:17,702 --> 00:04:18,699
[bleep]!
102
00:04:18,983 --> 00:04:20,285
(groaning in pain)
103
00:04:20,335 --> 00:04:23,500
And if that doesn't work,
you could always finish it off
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00:04:23,557 --> 00:04:24,622
with a classic:
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00:04:24,814 --> 00:04:27,197
(weakly) Gaaaay.
106
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,836
Whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp.
107
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,295
So there you have it, folks!
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00:04:30,496 --> 00:04:31,801
Follow my simple steps
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00:04:31,831 --> 00:04:35,461
and you'll be a professional Youtube
commentator in no time!
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00:04:35,671 --> 00:04:40,698
Until next time, I'm Bob Roberts,
wishin' you a fine afternoon!
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00:04:41,078 --> 00:04:45,382
Whaaaaaah!
112
00:04:46,323 --> 00:04:47,837
(imitates a rocket)
113
00:04:47,857 --> 00:04:49,449
I think I'm havin' a stroke!
114
00:04:50,980 --> 00:04:52,161
THANK U 4
WATCHING!
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PLZ LICK COMENT
& SUBSKRIB!
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00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:57,451
(groaning)
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00:04:57,921 --> 00:05:00,551
First to view a dying old man!
118
00:05:00,571 --> 00:05:02,959
Your shirt sucks! Dislike!
119
00:05:02,959 --> 00:05:06,424
Your old videos were better
when you weren't such a fat whale!
120
00:05:06,603 --> 00:05:08,729
Tits or GTFO!
121
00:05:09,288 --> 00:05:14,149
Like this if you cry every time...
122
00:05:14,636 --> 00:05:16,456
UNSUBSCRIBED!
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00:05:16,511 --> 00:05:17,586
(both giggle)
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00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:18,965
High five!
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00:05:19,996 --> 00:05:23,890
(Ian) To see behind-the-scenes footage
and bloopers from this episode,
126
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,550
click the moving picture on the left!
127
00:05:26,806 --> 00:05:29,755
Today, Pewwwwdiepie's
gonna be playin' some
128
00:05:29,822 --> 00:05:32,693
Ostrich Killing Banana Beada Ba.
129
00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:33,515
(Swedish expletive)
130
00:05:33,555 --> 00:05:34,702
(laughing)
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00:05:35,057 --> 00:05:38,805
If you wanna see an Honest Trailer
for Grand Theft Auto 5,
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00:05:38,815 --> 00:05:40,469
whatever the hell that is,
133
00:05:40,789 --> 00:05:43,652
click that little video thingie on the right!
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00:05:44,012 --> 00:05:46,749
(Narrator) Enter a game world
that is so bloated
135
00:05:46,749 --> 00:05:50,245
with extra features,
you won't bother to play
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00:05:50,315 --> 00:05:52,534
half of what it has to offer!
137
00:05:53,601 --> 00:05:55,126
Yoga, seriously?
138
00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:57,672
(Ian) My grandson said if you
have more subscribers,
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00:05:57,682 --> 00:05:58,857
it makes you cooler!
140
00:05:59,287 --> 00:06:02,595
So clickie that little subscribe
thingamajigger.
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00:06:02,759 --> 00:06:03,828
I'm gonna go to the hospital.
142
00:06:03,828 --> 00:06:05,839
I'm pretty sure this
is a full-blown stroke.
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00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:08,292
I am full-blown stroking right now.
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00:06:08,676 --> 00:06:10,156
Byeee!
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00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:11,919
[visit www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube
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