0:00:00.600,0:00:03.800
(Anthony) Whoa! The Like button makes [br]a sound when you click it!
0:00:03.850,0:00:05.055
(Ian) SHUT UP!
0:00:08.755,0:00:10.337
MOLESTER!
0:00:10.387,0:00:13.869
I really want to tell these[br]two idiots that they're homos,
0:00:14.064,0:00:17.847
but I don't know how to use[br]this complicated internet page!
0:00:18.013,0:00:19.165
Oh, what's that?
0:00:19.262,0:00:20.603
Whoaaa, where?!
0:00:20.746,0:00:22.781
Oh, there's my legs!
0:00:23.039,0:00:25.090
Hi, I'm Bob Roberts!
0:00:25.229,0:00:28.640
Have you ever wanted to leave[br]a comment on a YouTube video?
0:00:28.785,0:00:31.522
Absolutely, guy on the computer!
0:00:31.629,0:00:35.135
Well, I've perused through [br]a dozen YouTube comments
0:00:35.265,0:00:39.256
and learned the best way to leave [br]feedback on a YouTubes video.
0:00:39.590,0:00:41.184
Come along and I'll show ya.
0:00:41.410,0:00:42.565
Wheeeee!
0:00:42.754,0:00:45.725
First rule of leaving [br]a successful YouTube comment
0:00:45.855,0:00:48.127
is to always spell everything wrong
0:00:48.237,0:00:50.987
and write in all capital letters!
0:00:51.246,0:00:53.237
Sure thing, guy on the computer!
0:00:53.513,0:00:56.226
I'm gonna go find them [br]and tell them right now!
0:00:56.863,0:00:58.040
(knocking)
0:01:00.270,0:01:02.856
I've got a comment for you two hippies!
0:01:03.657,0:01:06.950
(Ian) Our "veedos" suck [br]and we're 12 year old "homooz"?
0:01:07.651,0:01:09.837
And if you're first to comment on a video,
0:01:09.897,0:01:12.138
always be sure to scream out:
0:01:12.235,0:01:13.291
FIRST!
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Wait, what?!
0:01:15.241,0:01:18.227
Even if you're not the first, [br]you're close enough!
0:01:18.395,0:01:20.288
Or, you can just call them:
0:01:20.369,0:01:21.789
GAAAAAY!
0:01:21.899,0:01:23.203
(chuckles)
0:01:26.730,0:01:28.993
Whoooo! I'm a ghost!
0:01:29.013,0:01:30.178
Just kidding, I'm real!
0:01:30.285,0:01:31.454
Rule number two:
0:01:31.642,0:01:33.477
Always make sure you start arguments
0:01:33.477,0:01:35.349
with people in the comments section!
0:01:35.515,0:01:38.586
But make sure you know[br]absolutely flipping nothing
0:01:38.586,0:01:40.506
about the subject you're arguing.
0:01:43.151,0:01:46.779
I don't like Obama because other people [br]said they don't like Obama
0:01:46.884,0:01:49.216
And I don't have the patience[br]to do my own research
0:01:49.216,0:01:51.103
or form my own opinions on Obama!
0:01:51.366,0:01:52.863
Get out of my office, old man!
0:01:52.994,0:01:54.325
This is where I do the YouTubes!
0:01:54.495,0:01:55.461
Ewww!
0:01:55.977,0:02:00.829
If that's not workin', [br]find a triangle in the video and say:
0:02:00.929,0:02:02.144
ILLUMINATI!
0:02:02.164,0:02:02.863
(gasps)
0:02:02.953,0:02:04.455
-Yeeeeeeaaah![br]-(ninja screams)
0:02:04.614,0:02:05.822
Rule number three:
0:02:05.990,0:02:07.954
Always leave constructive criticism
0:02:07.954,0:02:11.271
so the creator can become[br]a better YouTuber!
0:02:14.558,0:02:15.701
What the sh*t?!
0:02:15.799,0:02:18.783
Maybe next time you could try[br]doing the video a little better by--
0:02:18.853,0:02:20.710
Yeah, I'm just messing around.
0:02:21.077,0:02:21.908
Call them a--
0:02:21.928,0:02:23.386
GAYWAD!
0:02:23.475,0:02:25.289
That's some great f*cking advice!
0:02:26.474,0:02:27.809
Rule number four:
0:02:27.861,0:02:29.927
If you come across a new video,
0:02:30.165,0:02:33.133
always question how[br]you're the 301st viewer!
0:02:33.725,0:02:35.572
No, don't put it in the barrel's ass!
0:02:35.673,0:02:40.355
But, seriously, how can there be [br]20,000 likes and only 301 views?!
0:02:40.415,0:02:41.651
It makes no sense!
0:02:41.771,0:02:42.924
Hacker alert!
0:02:43.074,0:02:44.429
Scammer alert!
0:02:44.609,0:02:46.336
Swedish alert!
0:02:46.480,0:02:48.831
If you don't have anything [br]real to comment,
0:02:49.009,0:02:51.650
make sure you copy/paste[br]a really sad story
0:02:51.650,0:02:54.616
you found online to get lots of likes!
0:02:54.916,0:02:56.894
This is mine and my wife's song.
0:02:56.904,0:02:58.855
She was 23, I was 18.
0:02:58.855,0:02:59.558
I hate it.
0:02:59.558,0:03:01.677
It had to end when she [br]died in a car crash.
0:03:01.747,0:03:05.183
I loved her so much, but she cheated [br]and I couldn't live with that!
0:03:05.692,0:03:08.315
Like this if you cry every time!
0:03:10.907,0:03:12.725
(whimpering)
0:03:14.140,0:03:16.353
(still whimpering)
0:03:17.592,0:03:19.702
(whimper whimper)
0:03:23.064,0:03:25.118
Like this if you cry every--
0:03:25.118,0:03:26.570
SHUT THE F*CK UP, GRANDPA BRO!!
0:03:26.881,0:03:29.165
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Cuckoo!
0:03:29.569,0:03:30.743
Rule number five:
0:03:31.033,0:03:34.667
If a video has a girl in it, [br]be sure to be as sexist
0:03:34.667,0:03:37.362
and terrible and disgusting as possible!
0:03:37.671,0:03:39.175
Why? Because...
0:03:39.628,0:03:41.801
I don't know, everybody[br]else does it online!
0:03:44.650,0:03:45.582
Gross!
0:03:45.624,0:03:47.281
You look like a whore!
0:03:47.321,0:03:48.582
What the f*ck you just say?!
0:03:48.692,0:03:51.331
And don't forget--you're anonymous,
0:03:51.431,0:03:53.699
so forget the fact [br]that they have feelings
0:03:53.699,0:03:56.593
and say something [br]incredibly rude about them!
0:03:56.760,0:03:59.545
You're getting super obese [br]and I hate your stupid voice!
0:03:59.795,0:04:01.443
Tits or GTFO!
0:04:01.897,0:04:03.273
Don't make me cut you!
0:04:03.290,0:04:04.577
Bitch got shank!
0:04:04.693,0:04:07.161
(mimicking robot)
0:04:07.491,0:04:10.877
If you leave a comment that gets[br]a lot of negative feedback,
0:04:11.096,0:04:13.160
you could always tell people:
0:04:13.369,0:04:17.463
Umm, my little sister hacked [br]my account and left that comment!
0:04:17.702,0:04:18.699
[bleep]!
0:04:18.983,0:04:20.285
(groaning in pain)
0:04:20.335,0:04:23.500
And if that doesn't work, [br]you could always finish it off
0:04:23.557,0:04:24.622
with a classic:
0:04:24.814,0:04:27.197
(weakly) Gaaaay.
0:04:27.434,0:04:28.836
Whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp, whomp.
0:04:28.836,0:04:30.295
So there you have it, folks!
0:04:30.496,0:04:31.801
Follow my simple steps
0:04:31.831,0:04:35.461
and you'll be a professional Youtube[br]commentator in no time!
0:04:35.671,0:04:40.698
Until next time, I'm Bob Roberts, [br]wishin' you a fine afternoon!
0:04:41.078,0:04:45.382
Whaaaaaah!
0:04:46.323,0:04:47.837
(imitates a rocket)
0:04:47.857,0:04:49.449
I think I'm havin' a stroke!
0:04:50.980,0:04:52.161
THANK U 4 [br]WATCHING!
0:04:52.538,0:04:53.984
PLZ LICK COMENT[br]& SUBSKRIB!
0:04:55.556,0:04:57.451
(groaning)
0:04:57.921,0:05:00.551
First to view a dying old man!
0:05:00.571,0:05:02.959
Your shirt sucks! Dislike!
0:05:02.959,0:05:06.424
Your old videos were better [br]when you weren't such a fat whale!
0:05:06.603,0:05:08.729
Tits or GTFO!
0:05:09.288,0:05:14.149
Like this if you cry every time...
0:05:14.636,0:05:16.456
UNSUBSCRIBED!
0:05:16.511,0:05:17.586
(both giggle)
0:05:17.984,0:05:18.965
High five!
0:05:19.996,0:05:23.890
(Ian) To see behind-the-scenes footage [br]and bloopers from this episode,
0:05:24.120,0:05:26.550
click the moving picture on the left!
0:05:26.806,0:05:29.755
Today, Pewwwwdiepie's [br]gonna be playin' some
0:05:29.822,0:05:32.693
Ostrich Killing Banana Beada Ba.
0:05:32.723,0:05:33.515
(Swedish expletive)
0:05:33.555,0:05:34.702
(laughing)
0:05:35.057,0:05:38.805
If you wanna see an Honest Trailer [br]for Grand Theft Auto 5,
0:05:38.815,0:05:40.469
whatever the hell that is,
0:05:40.789,0:05:43.652
click that little video thingie on the right!
0:05:44.012,0:05:46.749
(Narrator) Enter a game world[br] that is so bloated
0:05:46.749,0:05:50.245
with extra features,[br]you won't bother to play
0:05:50.315,0:05:52.534
half of what it has to offer!
0:05:53.601,0:05:55.126
Yoga, seriously?
0:05:55.176,0:05:57.672
(Ian) My grandson said if you[br] have more subscribers,
0:05:57.682,0:05:58.857
it makes you cooler!
0:05:59.287,0:06:02.595
So clickie that little subscribe[br] thingamajigger.
0:06:02.759,0:06:03.828
I'm gonna go to the hospital.
0:06:03.828,0:06:05.839
I'm pretty sure this [br]is a full-blown stroke.
0:06:05.949,0:06:08.292
I am full-blown stroking right now.
0:06:08.676,0:06:10.156
Byeee!
0:06:10.495,0:06:11.919
[visit www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube [br]to see other videos or to make a request]