Excuse me where is the Haute Couture range

Ah the vintage clothing store

to peruse the rails of yesteryear's glad rags

I'm not shopping here

I'm just

popping in on the way to the opera

Oh

How wonderfully ironic

How tastefully gauche

How deliciously coy

so what brings you here to this hall of

forlorn toggery

The shop?

Yes indeed

Oh I'm just looking for something to wear to a party

this weekend

Ah what's the theme?

French Revolution?

Oscar Wilde?

Wiemar Republic?

I don't normally buy off the peg

but since I'm here

it's worth a look isn't?

Yeah why not

Mmmm no

No no no

not with your complexion

Ah the uniform of the village tough

be donned in the epidermis

of our beloved herd animal

brings out your eyes

Uh what do you think of this?

Oh

yeah it looks good on you

Oh no no no not for me

no I wouldn't be caught dead in it

for you

Yes it really

really brings out your tired skin

Excuse me

of course I could buy these on the high street but

I'm here so

why not

This here

Oh

I don't really like that

Well this is Stella McCartney

Yeah yeah I just wouldn't really wear something like that so

Well it's my treat

Well I mean if you're paying

Oh no no no the advice

is the treat

So when is the soiree?

Um

Saturday

Ah well you are in luck

I've just had a cancellation this Saturday

Madam Butterfly has been postponed

Okay

So if you're looking for someone to

talk your guests through the wine pairings

No thanks

I'm available

No thank you

Excuse me

Could I use the lavatory?

It's for staff only

Yes well I'm on my way to the opera

and I could really do with a shower

Yeah I'll go with these here thanks

Ah excellent choice

for the soiree?

Yes it's a fancy dress so

I'm going as a prick

Doomdah

We're also going on tour

Where are we going lads

Doomdah