0:00:03.798,0:00:06.100
I have been laid, you know?

0:00:06.100,0:00:07.550
>> Really?

0:00:07.550,0:00:08.380
Good for you.

0:00:08.380,0:00:09.470
>> Big time.

0:00:09.470,0:00:10.680
>> Big time?

0:00:10.680,0:00:13.340
>> I went on a date last week.

0:00:13.340,0:00:14.450
>> How'd it go?[br]>> It was good.

0:00:16.350,0:00:17.730
>> Going out again?

0:00:17.730,0:00:18.320
>> I don't know.

0:00:18.320,0:00:19.210
>> Why not?

0:00:19.210,0:00:21.280
>> Haven't called her[br]>> Christ, you're an amateur.

0:00:21.280,0:00:22.730
>> I know what I'm doing.

0:00:22.730,0:00:23.295
>> Really?[br]>> Yeah.

0:00:23.295,0:00:26.730
[LAUGH] Don't worry about me,[br]I know what I'm doing.

0:00:27.860,0:00:30.260
Yeah, but this girl is beautiful.

0:00:30.260,0:00:31.550
She's smart, she's fun.

0:00:33.130,0:00:35.220
She's different from most[br]the girls I've been with.

0:00:35.220,0:00:36.870
>> So call her up, Romeo.

0:00:36.870,0:00:39.910
>> Why, so I can realize she's not[br]that smart, that she's fucking boring?

0:00:39.910,0:00:41.130
Yeah, I mean, you don't,

0:00:41.130,0:00:45.600
this girl is like fucking perfect[br]right now I don't wanna ruin that.

0:00:45.600,0:00:47.770
>> Maybe you're perfect right now,[br]maybe you don't wanna ruin that.

0:00:50.290,0:00:52.360
But I think that's a super philosophy,[br]Will.

0:00:52.360,0:00:55.061
That way you can go through your entire[br]life without ever having to really

0:00:55.061,0:00:55.641
know anybody.

0:01:00.792,0:01:02.793
My wife used to fart when she was nervous.

0:01:02.793,0:01:05.385
She had all sorts of[br]wonderful idiosyncrasies.

0:01:05.385,0:01:07.440
She used to fart in her sleep.

0:01:07.440,0:01:11.343
[LAUGH] Sorry I shared that with you.

0:01:11.343,0:01:12.829
>> [LAUGH][br]>> One night it was so

0:01:12.829,0:01:14.015
loud it woke the dog up!

0:01:14.015,0:01:19.805
>> [LAUGH][br]>> She woke up and go like was that you?

0:01:19.805,0:01:21.293
I said yeah,[br]I didn't have the heart to tell her.

0:01:21.293,0:01:24.315
[LAUGH][br]>> [LAUGH] She woke herself up?

0:01:24.315,0:01:28.466
>> Yes.

0:01:28.466,0:01:31.472
[LAUGH][br]>> [LAUGH]

0:01:31.472,0:01:32.380
>> Christ.

0:01:32.380,0:01:35.565
But Will, she's been dead two years,[br]and that's the shit I remember.

0:01:35.565,0:01:37.810
>> [LAUGH][br]>> It's wonderful stuff,

0:01:37.810,0:01:40.040
little things like that happen.

0:01:40.040,0:01:41.680
Those are the things I miss the most.

0:01:43.260,0:01:45.440
Those little idiosyncrasies[br]that only I knew about.

0:01:46.520,0:01:47.540
That's what made her my wife.

0:01:49.090,0:01:50.370
And she had the goods on me, too.

0:01:50.370,0:01:53.140
She knew all my little peccadilloes.

0:01:53.140,0:01:56.700
People call these things imperfections but[br]they're not.

0:01:56.700,0:01:57.690
That's the good stuff.

0:01:59.370,0:02:02.386
And then we get to choose who we[br]let into our weird little worlds.

0:02:04.913,0:02:06.010
You're not perfect, sport.

0:02:06.010,0:02:12.290
And let me save you the suspense, this[br]girl you met, she isn't perfect either.

0:02:12.290,0:02:14.880
But the question is whether or[br]not you're perfect for each other?

0:02:16.250,0:02:18.910
That's the whole deal,[br]that's what intimacy is all about.

0:02:20.802,0:02:22.360
Now you can know everything in the world,[br]sport.

0:02:22.360,0:02:25.233
But the only way you're finding out[br]that one is by giving it a shot.

0:02:25.233,0:02:28.780
You certainly won't learn[br]from an old fucker like me.

0:02:28.780,0:02:33.380
Even if I did know,[br]I wouldn't tell a pissant like you.

0:02:33.380,0:02:34.650
>> Why not?

0:02:34.650,0:02:36.088
You told me every other fucking thing.

0:02:36.088,0:02:37.620
[LAUGH] Jesus Christ.

0:02:37.620,0:02:40.830
Fucking talk more than any[br]shrink I ever seen in my life.

0:02:40.830,0:02:41.496
>> I teach this shit.

0:02:41.496,0:02:42.907
I didn't say I know how to do it.

0:02:42.907,0:02:45.694
>> [LAUGH] Yeah.

0:02:51.579,0:02:53.480
You ever think about getting remarried?

0:02:53.480,0:02:54.040
>> My wife's dead.

0:02:55.700,0:02:57.208
>> Hence the word remarried.

0:02:57.208,0:03:01.100
>> She's dead.

0:03:01.100,0:03:02.660
>> Yeah.

0:03:02.660,0:03:04.730
Well I think that's[br]a super philosophy shot.

0:03:04.730,0:03:07.363
I mean that way you could actually go[br]through the rest of your life without

0:03:07.363,0:03:08.495
ever really knowing anybody.

0:03:12.082,0:03:12.871
>> Time's up.

0:03:22.008,0:03:32.008
[MUSIC]