[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.71,0:00:27.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Πριν από 11 χρόνια, έπαιζα \Nσε ένα καινούργιο έργο
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.71,0:00:29.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,σε αυτό το θέατρο στο West End
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.96,0:00:33.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,μετά από 3 παραστάσεις βγήκα έξω
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.67,0:00:42.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,τις πρώτες πρωινές ώρες
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.10,0:00:46.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,κατέβηκα από το διαμερισμά μου \Nστο κεντρικό Λονδίνο
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.73,0:00:47.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,πήγα στο γκαράζ
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.17,0:00:50.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ασφάλισα την πόρτα με ένα \Nπάπλωμα που αγόρασα
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.06,0:00:52.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και μπήκα στο αμάξι μου
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.41,0:00:57.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,έκατσα εκεί για 2 ώρες νομίζω
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.86,0:00:59.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,το χέρι μου πάνω στην μίζα
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.65,0:01:06.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ξέρεις, ήταν μια απόπειρα \Nαυτοκτονίας, όχι μια φωνή για βοήθεια\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.78,0:01:11.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Πήγα στην νότια ακτή\Nκαι πήρα ένα πλοίο για την Ευρώπη
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.60,0:01:16.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Απλά ήξερα ότι δεν θα μπορούσα να είμαι στο σπίτι
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.43,0:01:18.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,δεν μπορούσα να είμαι στο Λονδίνο,\Nδεν μπορούσα να είμαι στην Αγγλία
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.30,0:01:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,πίστευα ότι δεν θα γυρνούσα \Nποτέ ξανά στην Αγγλία
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.09,0:01:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ο φευγάτος Stephen Fry έσπασε \Nτην σιωπή χθες βράδυ
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.76,0:01:29.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και αποκάλυψε το βασανιστήριο\Nπου υπέφερε
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.71,0:01:34.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Όλοι ανησύχησαν ότι είχα αυτοκτονήσει
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.63,0:01:35.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Αυτό είναι φοβερό πράγμα
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.15,0:01:41.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,αλλά μια βδομάδα μετά επέστρεψα μυστικά\Nστην Αγγλία σε αυτό το νοσοκομίο
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.45,0:01:44.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και σε έναν γιατρό που μου είπε\Nότι ήμουν διπολικός
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.44,0:01:46.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Δεν είχα ξανακούσει την λέξη
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.92,0:01:50.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,αλλά για πρώτη φορά στα 37 μου\Nείχα μία διάγνωση
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.73,0:01:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,που εξηγούσε τα μεγάλα πάνω \Nκαι τα μίζερα κάτω μου
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.60,0:01:56.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,που ζούσα σε όλη μου\Nτη ζωή
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.95,0:02:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Δεν υπάρχει αμφιβολία ότι έχω ακραίες\Nδιαθέσεις, οι οποίες
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.92,0:02:07.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,είναι μεγαλύτερες από όποιου\Nδήποτε άλλου ξέρω.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.18,0:02:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ο ψυχίατρος στο νοσοκομείο μου \Nσυνέστησε να κάνω ένα μεγάλο διάλειμμα.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.02,0:02:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ήρθα εδώ, στην Αμερική
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.89,0:02:18.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και για μήνες έβλεπα έναν θεραπευτή\Nκαι περπατούσα πάνω κάτω σε αυτή την παραλία
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.100,0:02:21.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Το μυαλό μου ήταν γεμάτο ερωτήσεις
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.91,0:02:24.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Είμαι τρελός;\Nπως απέκτησα αυτή την αρρώστια;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.93,0:02:27.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Θα μπορούσε να είχε αποφευχθεί; \NΜπορώ να θεραπευτώ από αυτό;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.78,0:02:31.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Από τότε έχω ανακαλύψει \Nπόσο σοβαρό είναι να έχουμε
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.77,0:02:35.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,διπολικότητα ή μανιοκατάθλιψη, \Nόπως επίσης ονομάζεται
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.76,0:02:38.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Άλλα 4 εκατομμύρια στο Η.Β. έχουν
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.61,0:02:42.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και πολλοί από τους σοβαρά άρρωστους\Nκαταλήγουν σε αυτοκτονία.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.100,0:02:48.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Γι 'αυτό και αποφάσισα να μιλήσω \Nγια την ψυχική ασθένεια μου
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.97,0:02:50.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και είναι μια ψυχική ασθένεια
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.27,0:02:53.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,\NΉθελα να μιλήσω με άλλους που την έχουν
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.04,0:02:57.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,σχετικά με το τι τη προκάλεσε σε αυτούς\Nκαι πώς ανέλαβε τη ζωή τους
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.67,0:03:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και θα ήθελα να μάθετε τις απαντήσεις \Nσε ό, τι εξακολουθεί να με ανησυχεί
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.36,0:03:03.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Είχα διαγνωστεί σωστά;\N
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.90,0:03:06.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και είμαι τώρα καλύτερα ή χειρότερα;\N
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.56,0:03:23.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ας ξεκινήσουμε με μια παρατήρηση από \Nέναν παραγωγό του Χόλιγουντ για μένα
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.08,0:03:27.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Δεν χρειάζεται να είσαι ομοφυλόφιλος ή εβραϊος \Nγια να πετύχεις εδώ. Απλά διπολικός\N
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.66,0:03:33.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Εννοούσε, φυσικά, μεγαλύτερος από τη ζωή, \Nεξαγριωμένα ενεργητικός, ατελείωτα δημιουργικός
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.15,0:03:37.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Μανιακοί τύποι πάνε καλά στο Χόλιγουντ, \Nσε όλες τις δουλειές του θεάματος για τον λόγο αυτό\N
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.06,0:03:41.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,\NΕυφορία στα ύψη και σούρσιμο χαμηλά \Nφαίνεται να πηγαίνει με το μέρος
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.22,0:03:44.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και δεν προσελκύουν το στίγμα \N
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.53,0:03:49.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Από τη δική μου διάγνωση, συνέχισα να δουλεύω\Nκαι βρήκα τρόπους να το αντιμετωπίσω
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.55,0:03:52.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Αλλά επίσης σιωπούσα \Nγια την κατάστασή μου\N
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.79,0:03:55.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Τώρα θέλω να μιλήσω και να \Nκαταπολέμησω το στίγμα
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.36,0:03:59.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και να δώσω μια σαφέστερη εικόνα μιας ψυχικής νόσου \Nπου οι περισσότεροι άνθρωποι γνωρίζουν λίγα
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.03,0:04:02.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Επίσκεψη στην παλιά μου φίλη\NCarrie Fischer
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.13,0:04:04.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,γνωστή στον κόσμο ως πριγκίπισσα Leia \Nστις ταινίες Star Wars
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.11,0:04:09.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Είναι στην άκρη της λογικής. \Nξέρετε είναι συνεχώς ...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.99,0:04:13.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,όχι αρκετά τρελή για να διαπράξει
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.11,0:04:18.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,αλλά και όχι αρκετά υγιής για να έχει μια κανονική ζωή
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.13,0:04:31.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Όταν καλπάζετε με μεγάλη ταχύτητα
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.19,0:04:35.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,είναι καλύτερα από οποιοδήποτε φάρμακο \Nμπορείτε να πάρετε ποτέ
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.55,0:04:42.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ο Θεός, αν θέλετε σας κρατάει\Nθέση στάθμευσης
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.03,0:04:47.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Τα τραγούδια που παίζονται στο ραδιόφωνο \Nείναι για σας
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.47,0:04:51.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Είστε τόσο ενθουσιώδεις για όλους
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.55,0:04:56.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και όλοι είναι ενθουσιώδεις με εσάς
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.63,0:05:01.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,\Nκαι έτσι σου έρχετε, \Nέχω μια ιδέα, έχω αυτή την απίστευτη ιδέα
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.95,0:05:03.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Πάμε στην Ινδία
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.51,0:05:09.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Στη συνέχεια, ξεκινάς να πηγαίνεις\Nπολύ γρήγορα\N
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.03,0:05:12.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,είσαι γρηγορότερος από \Nόλους γύρω σου
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.83,0:05:16.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,δεν είναι διασκέδαση\NΕίσαι στο τηλέφωνο για πολλή ώρα
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.23,0:05:18.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Δεν κοιμάσαι
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.91,0:05:20.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Τίποτα δεν κινείται γρήγορα
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.79,0:05:23.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Έλα, συνεχίστε μαζί μου, ελάτε
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.67,0:05:31.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Αν και δεν είναι αλήθεια ότι\Nείσαι πιο ταλαντούχος όταν έχεις μανία
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.35,0:05:33.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,νιώθεις ότι είσαι
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.27,0:05:34.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ναι, αυτή είναι η μισή μάχη\N
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.33,0:05:36.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,στέκομαι σε πέτρες
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.37,0:05:40.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,φλεγόμενες ομιλίες στον κόσμο Ξέρεις, έχω πολλά να πω
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.93,0:05:43.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,έχω μηνύματα από το διάστημα\Nστην πραγματικότητα
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.53,0:05:49.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και έμενα ξύπνια για 6 μέρες\Nκαι έχανα το μυαλό μου\N
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.27,0:05:50.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ένας φίλος μου\Nμου λέει
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.45,0:05:53.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ξέρει ο γιατρός σου ότι\Nφέρεσαι έτσί;
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.61,0:05:57.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και μετά τσακωνόμαστε
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.27,0:06:06.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και κλαίω για 4 ώρες\Nανήμπορη να σταματήσω
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.71,0:06:10.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και ξέρω ότι κάτι δεν πάει καλά
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.95,0:06:14.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,καλώ την γιατρό μου\Nκαι πάω να την δω
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.55,0:06:15.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ξέρεις, τα λέμε
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.01,0:06:20.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και γελάω και \Nστριφογυρνάω στις καρέκλες
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.50,0:06:22.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,και η γιατρός λέει
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.79,0:06:29.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Αυτή είναι η διάγνωση,\Nδιπολισμός, μανιοκατάθλιψη
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.23,0:06:33.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Η Carrie ζει χρόνια με τόσο\Nακραίες διαθέσεις και συναισθήματα
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.27,0:06:35.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,πριν διαγνωστεί
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.33,0:06:38.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Το πήρε άσχημα, ξέρετε
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.59,0:06:42.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,δεν είναι κάποιο αξεσουάρ\Nενός σταρ \N
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.03,0:06:44.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,είναι μια πραγματική ψυχική κατάσταση και
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.91,0:06:46.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,πρέπει να ζει με αυτό κάθε\Nμέρα της ζωής της
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.67,0:06:54.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She is on medication. You have to\Npicture what she be like if she weren't
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.51,0:07:01.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A medical expert told me almost half\Nof those suffering from manic depression
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.43,0:07:02.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,aren't diagnosed at all
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.57,0:07:06.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It frightens me to think of\Npeople having symptoms like Carrie
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.80,0:07:08.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not knowing what's wrong with them
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.11,0:07:14.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm told that it's an illness
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.79,0:07:18.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's surprisingly difficult to\Npin down to achieve a diagnosis
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.39,0:07:24.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now I am diagnosed bipolar and\Nbipolarity is a disease of the brain
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.19,0:07:28.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So a brain scan will surely\Nreveal a sign of what I have
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.59,0:07:33.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The research being carried out here\Nat Maudsly Hospital in south London
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.43,0:07:36.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,compares normal brains\Nwith bipolar ones like mine
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.79,0:07:39.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here, we're at the beginning of the brains\N- Oh my Goodness.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.75,0:07:42.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just grab the front of\Nthe nose and then scroll back
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.93,0:07:44.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's my face actually
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.33,0:07:47.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see your chubby cheeks, there\N- My little chubby cheeks
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.25,0:07:50.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but by looking at a sample of\Nslices from a brain
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.27,0:07:54.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can't tell or can you,\Nwhether someone is bipolar
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.02,0:07:59.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When it comes to bipolar looking\Nat a single subjects structural scan
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.54,0:08:01.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would not give you that diagnostic\Ninformation at this stage
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.79,0:08:05.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is there anything you see in my brain that
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.33,0:08:07.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,leads you to the view that I am bipolar?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.99,0:08:11.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No. I think there is a\Nvery short answer to that
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.19,0:08:15.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thus yet no brain test\Nthat can diagnose bipolarity
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.47,0:08:17.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I have being hearing talk\Nof a bipolar gene
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.11,0:08:21.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To find out more I have come to\Nhave my let my DNA tested as part
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.07,0:08:26.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the world's largest research\Nbipolarity at the University of Cardiff
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.67,0:08:29.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have 2000 participants already\Nand now 2001
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.81,0:08:32.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do I get my wollypop now?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.03,0:08:38.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is your DNA\N- My DNA, thank you so much
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.83,0:08:43.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,O, it is so attractive. I knew\Nit would be Beautiful, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.75,0:08:48.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So which way now?\N- Ok, we go up to look at the Sequenom
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.87,0:08:52.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know is must be good just\Nfrom the name It's fantastic
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.35,0:08:54.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Welcome to the Sequenom, Mr. Bond
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.55,0:09:02.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What we have found is that if you simply\Ncompared people with bipolar disorder
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.39,0:09:04.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,against people without, controls. We\Ndon't actually see any overall difference
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.43,0:09:13.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unfortunately the press\Nas you know, they'll publish reports
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.25,0:09:15.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,saying "The bipolar gene"\Nor whatever
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.21,0:09:18.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is completely incorrect
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.15,0:09:22.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There will be many genes that\Nare involved in bipolarity
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.31,0:09:29.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So at the moment there is no clear-cut\Ntest to show if someone is bipolar
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.27,0:09:30.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How them do you tell?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.07,0:09:33.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How was I diagnosed all those years ago?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.87,0:09:39.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well a psychiatrist simply asked a lot of\Nquestions about my behaviour and my feelings
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.23,0:09:43.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here in Cardiff Nick uses the same\Nprocess but involving 200 questions
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.87,0:09:49.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that carefully build up a picture of a\Npersons life history of manic depression
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.15,0:09:52.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We developed a scale\NWhen I find out information from you
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.27,0:09:55.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll tell you\Nwhere you score on our scale
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.21,0:09:57.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Looking back times when\Nyou think perhaps
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.43,0:09:59.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was something a bit\Nout of the ordinary
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.95,0:10:03.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unusual, caused a problem\Nor you needed treatment
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.31,0:10:09.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I suppose the first time I\Nneeded treatment I think I was 14
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.11,0:10:17.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In hindsight my symptoms\Nreally surfaced here
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.31,0:10:20.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem was for almost everyone was\Nthat they looked like bad behaviour
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.83,0:10:27.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was nearly expelled from my\Nprepschool I was expelled from here
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.47,0:10:36.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is very strange revisiting a place\Nwhere one was so intensively alive
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.97,0:10:40.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as to be almost in a constant\Nstate of edginess
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.17,0:10:43.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I suppose what man call\Nmania now
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.20,0:10:45.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I cut games. I was so\Noften alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.12,0:10:48.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wandering around on the roofs
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.47,0:11:00.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think I used to crawl all over\Nthe roofs for a mixture of risk
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.43,0:11:03.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and power when you're looking\Ndown on people
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.39,0:11:11.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The effect of my behaviour was cause to\Nmake me unbearable really
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.13,0:11:14.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a show-off\Na loudmouth
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.26,0:11:20.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,completely impossible to handle\Ndisruptive
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.95,0:11:28.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See, thin, I may never been\Na good looking boy
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.13,0:11:30.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was once thin!!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.65,0:11:36.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meeting my old housemaster\Nand his wife
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.87,0:11:40.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,insures an uncomfortable reminder\Nof past crimes
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.87,0:11:44.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like given permission to go to\NLondon and then not returning
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.51,0:11:48.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We went to see films\NWe went just to the cinema
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.33,0:11:52.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of which was the Clockwork Orange
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.14,0:11:53.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's right
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.16,0:11:55.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your father thought
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.50,0:11:59.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,O my God,of all films that he\Nmight have seen
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.95,0:12:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was consumed and gripped by it
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.99,0:12:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You should have been back\N- a lot earlier
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.43,0:12:06.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had the Metropolitan Police\Nout looking for you
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.95,0:12:08.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't realize that\NI've never realized that
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.55,0:12:14.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stephen has been a problem
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.03,0:12:21.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a letter from Gerald Holme\N- The psychiatrist
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.35,0:12:26.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suggesting various things\NAdolescent Depression
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.31,0:12:29.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,mild depressive illness rather than\Njust unhappiness
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.79,0:12:32.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Behavioury\NHe can be quite infantile
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.09,0:12:35.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think Mr. Fry, your father\Nmay have mentioned
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.79,0:12:38.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the advice given to him by\Ndoctors in London
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.52,0:12:41.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suggest that he might have\Nsome brain damage
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.16,0:12:43.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to account for this\NThat a crude way of putting it
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.02,0:12:44.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good Lord
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.71,0:12:49.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were not aware of any drug\Ntaking or sexual offenses however
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.47,0:12:53.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We didn't know much then, did we
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.31,0:12:59.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then the awful thing\NWhich is the stealing
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.43,0:12:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That gripped me
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.07,0:13:05.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You didn't need money. You didn't need to steal\N- No, so odd
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.26,0:13:08.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you didn't know it was I who\Nwas the thief
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.05,0:13:10.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wouldn't suspected it at all\NStephen. No
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.11,0:13:13.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You laid a trap in Matern's room
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.23,0:13:17.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We did. Which Elisabeth\N- That was you. You were hiding in Matern's room
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.63,0:13:19.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in her bathroom
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.51,0:13:22.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a terrible shock to see you
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.03,0:13:25.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Strange emotional turmoil I was in
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.69,0:13:28.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stealing things I couldn't\Npossible want
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.75,0:13:33.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As well as stealing money must\Nbe said what I did want I suppose
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.79,0:13:38.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did I feel shame when I\Nstole things? I suppose I did
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.51,0:13:39.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But..
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.83,0:13:43.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is something very extraordinary\Nabout going through a room
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.19,0:13:47.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you're not supposed\Nto be looking for things
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.63,0:13:49.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's like when you watch it\Nin a movie
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.11,0:13:51.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when the hero is burgling\Nsomebody's flat or something
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.79,0:13:54.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very nerve-racking\NYour heart is in your throat
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.05,0:13:55.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it is a real buzz
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.51,0:13:58.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Considering I didn't do any sports\Nor anything else
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.93,0:14:01.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that gave me any kind of adrenaline rush
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.28,0:14:02.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what sport is supposed to do
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.90,0:14:06.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe that is what it was
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.63,0:14:12.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether it was part of a disorder\Nthat can be given a name, I do not know
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.91,0:14:17.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was bad enough for me to\Nhave to go to a psychiatrist anyway
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.19,0:14:21.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that didn't lead to a diagnosis of\Nmanic depression, probably because
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.19,0:14:23.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the school authorities\Nlike my parents
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.19,0:14:25.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to be fair\Nlike me at the time
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.22,0:14:26.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why would you have thought
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.41,0:14:28.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is anything other than\Nbad behaviour
Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.82,0:14:34.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I was expelled and just stumbled\Non continuing to steal as I went
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.59,0:14:36.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By this time I had progressed\Na credit card
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.99,0:14:39.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stolen from the jackets of my\Nparents friends
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.59,0:14:42.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This led to my next big\Nmanic episode
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.15,0:14:45.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I used the money in the\Nmost grandiose way
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.35,0:14:54.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was about 17 going around\NLondon on the stolen credit card
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.67,0:14:57.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a sort of fantastic\Nreinvention of myself on attempt
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.77,0:15:00.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I bought ridiculous suits\Nwith stiff collars
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.90,0:15:03.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and silk ties from the 1920's and
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.57,0:15:07.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we go to the Savoy and The\NRitz and drink cocktails
Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.31,0:15:12.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The morality of it never\Ncrossed my mind at all
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.59,0:15:18.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think it is more that when you're\Nin a sort of grip of a manic fantasy
Dialogue: 0,0:15:19.59,0:15:23.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't really believe other people\Nexist You are the centre of your universe
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.99,0:15:29.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanted to be in there. I\Nam Stephen Fry sitting there
Dialogue: 0,0:15:30.15,0:15:33.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the white coats, are so\Nappropriate, aren't they, the barmen
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.75,0:15:37.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As they are nurses in a\Nwonderful mental hospital
Dialogue: 0,0:15:40.79,0:15:43.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It did not of course last after months
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.73,0:15:46.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of travelling the country\Nusing my stolen credit card
Dialogue: 0,0:15:46.99,0:15:51.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was arrested I was sent\Nto Pucklechurch remand centre
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.71,0:15:58.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In my day would have been a long\Nsterile corridor with cell doors
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.19,0:16:01.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is so different now
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.23,0:16:03.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have spent the last 10 years\Nof my life actually
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.73,0:16:05.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at boarding schools of\None kind or an other
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.06,0:16:08.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this, for me it was\Nnothing. Really, to be honest
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.91,0:16:13.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is was just instead of being\Ncalled Prefects or Schoolmasters
Dialogue: 0,0:16:13.42,0:16:15.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were called Prison Officers\Nor Screws
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.75,0:16:19.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only thing that really\Ntwisted my guts was
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.23,0:16:22.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my mother coming to visit, on\Nthe first day that she visited
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.63,0:16:27.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I used to be very keen on doing\Ncrypto-crosswords in the Times
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.23,0:16:31.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all the time I have been away\Nshe'd cut out the Times crossword
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.31,0:16:32.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every single day
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.11,0:16:36.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A sort of simple demonstration of love
Dialogue: 0,0:16:36.13,0:16:39.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and being there for me and\Nthinking of me
Dialogue: 0,0:16:39.18,0:16:43.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was a, you know\Nreally stuck in my throat
Dialogue: 0,0:16:43.79,0:16:49.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many times in your life would\Nyou've had an episode like that?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:50.03,0:16:54.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would think 4 or 5 of that extremity
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.15,0:16:57.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I'm to take my past history,\Nthen I sort of believe maybe
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.83,0:17:00.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is perhaps every 5 years\Na huge storm will come
Dialogue: 0,0:17:00.95,0:17:03.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know\Nbut that so often the way it is
Dialogue: 0,0:17:04.35,0:17:09.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When would the first time have\Nbeen that you had a depression?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:09.95,0:17:13.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would think it was about
Dialogue: 0,0:17:17.87,0:17:21.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,6 months before that manic experience
Dialogue: 0,0:17:21.59,0:17:25.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you are depressed like that\Nwhat's your self-esteem like?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:25.27,0:17:26.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,O, absolutely ZERO
Dialogue: 0,0:17:28.12,0:17:32.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stand up from the sofa and walk to the\Nfridge is an act of unbelievable effort
Dialogue: 0,0:17:33.28,0:17:37.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everything that happens\Nis because you are a cunt
Dialogue: 0,0:17:37.88,0:17:39.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'm complete wanco\Nthat's because I'm an arshole
Dialogue: 0,0:17:40.14,0:17:42.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can have moments having a\NTourettes view of yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:17:43.13,0:17:45.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You think of death all the time. and\Neven when you're not getting suicidal
Dialogue: 0,0:17:45.88,0:17:47.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are constantly aware\Nof death and
Dialogue: 0,0:17:48.24,0:17:50.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way you are in death\Nand how welcome it would be
Dialogue: 0,0:17:50.14,0:17:52.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's when I tried to kill myself
Dialogue: 0,0:17:52.26,0:17:54.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- So you've been...\N- Seventeen
Dialogue: 0,0:17:55.62,0:17:56.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tablets was it
Dialogue: 0,0:17:56.94,0:17:59.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, I took as many as I could\Nand as many variations as I could
Dialogue: 0,0:17:59.60,0:18:02.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to make it as toxic as possible.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.34,0:18:05.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unfortunately, this made me\Nprojectile vomit
Dialogue: 0,0:18:06.26,0:18:11.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure it was a suicide attempt\Nnot a cry for help
Dialogue: 0,0:18:12.78,0:18:14.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Looking back through your live\Njust roughly
Dialogue: 0,0:18:14.96,0:18:18.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how many episodes of depression\Nlike that
Dialogue: 0,0:18:18.46,0:18:21.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do you think you've experienced\Njust roughly?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:21.98,0:18:28.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I should say five or six
Dialogue: 0,0:18:29.42,0:18:33.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think Nick Craddock is\Ngetting the picture but so am I
Dialogue: 0,0:18:33.18,0:18:35.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Adding up all that extreme behaviour\Nis making me
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.54,0:18:38.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little concerned about\Nwhat my eventual score will be
Dialogue: 0,0:18:42.18,0:18:44.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What always bothers me is\Nwhether I could have avoided
Dialogue: 0,0:18:44.46,0:18:46.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some of these harrowing moments
Dialogue: 0,0:18:46.82,0:18:48.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I was diagnosed earlier
Dialogue: 0,0:18:49.26,0:18:51.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is actually now\Na controversial issue
Dialogue: 0,0:18:51.10,0:18:55.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because in America psychiatrists seem\Nonly to happy to diagnose children
Dialogue: 0,0:18:56.35,0:18:59.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a result Suzy Jensen who lives\Noutside of San Francisco
Dialogue: 0,0:18:59.80,0:19:00.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has known for 5 years,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.21,0:19:03.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that both her young teenage sons\Nare bipolar.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:10.42,0:19:14.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is there a thing you can say\N"You know your child is bipolar when... "
Dialogue: 0,0:19:15.85,0:19:17.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know your kid is bipolar when
Dialogue: 0,0:19:18.18,0:19:20.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're putting their feet\Nthrough a plate glass window
Dialogue: 0,0:19:21.28,0:19:25.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a rage after they have been\Nraging for 3 hours
Dialogue: 0,0:19:25.94,0:19:28.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about something you even\Ncan't remember what triggered
Dialogue: 0,0:19:29.14,0:19:30.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and certainly risky and dangerous\Nbehaviour
Dialogue: 0,0:19:32.10,0:19:33.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We had a A-line roof and he went up
Dialogue: 0,0:19:34.01,0:19:37.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and was trying to walk the narrowest\Npoint of the A-line
Dialogue: 0,0:19:38.98,0:19:40.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, with his eyes closed
Dialogue: 0,0:19:44.86,0:19:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know your kid is bipolar\Nwhen their behaviour is so extreme
Dialogue: 0,0:19:49.18,0:19:52.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I had a neuro-psych evaluation\Ndone on him
Dialogue: 0,0:19:53.34,0:19:56.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I went to get\Nthe results of the testing
Dialogue: 0,0:19:56.83,0:19:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The psychiatrist,\Nhe met me in the lobby
Dialogue: 0,0:19:59.36,0:20:01.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said\NIn all the years I've been doing this
Dialogue: 0,0:20:01.97,0:20:05.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I haven't been this concerned\Nabout the results
Dialogue: 0,0:20:06.41,0:20:09.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he went on to tell me a\Nstory, Ian had told him about
Dialogue: 0,0:20:10.04,0:20:13.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was walking into a room with bare feet
Dialogue: 0,0:20:13.45,0:20:15.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and could feel a sensation under his feet
Dialogue: 0,0:20:16.34,0:20:19.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he couldn't recognize. All\Nof a sudden he looked and realized
Dialogue: 0,0:20:19.37,0:20:22.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is was my dismembered\Nbody all over the floor
Dialogue: 0,0:20:24.41,0:20:25.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he was trotting over
Dialogue: 0,0:20:27.98,0:20:30.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't want to hear that really, do you?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:30.44,0:20:32.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How old is he?\N- Six
Dialogue: 0,0:20:32.98,0:20:34.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Six years old?.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:35.74,0:20:40.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you ever enjoy your mania\Nor do you find it a real touch?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:40.38,0:20:42.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, I mean I don't like it
Dialogue: 0,0:20:42.66,0:20:45.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you do something bad like\Nthrowing something
Dialogue: 0,0:20:46.52,0:20:48.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In a bad mood or in a fight or\Nsomething?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:48.71,0:20:52.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, do you feel it is you and that\Nyou are right to be in a bad mood
Dialogue: 0,0:20:52.54,0:20:54.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the rest of the world is shit?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:54.69,0:20:55.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I do
Dialogue: 0,0:20:56.82,0:21:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Diagnosed at 11, Ian is now 16, by that\Nage I'd already been expelled from school
Dialogue: 0,0:21:02.61,0:21:05.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so listening to him reminds me\Nof my own attitude
Dialogue: 0,0:21:05.78,0:21:07.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's actually a drive
Dialogue: 0,0:21:07.77,0:21:11.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is like it's feeding some a need\Nthat he has. You can see it
Dialogue: 0,0:21:13.34,0:21:17.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, it is a kind of a drive\Nsomething I need, something that happens
Dialogue: 0,0:21:17.82,0:21:22.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ian's brother Todd is 13.\NHe was diagnosed when only 8
Dialogue: 0,0:21:22.66,0:21:27.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His behaviour even at the special schools\NSuzy has managed to get both boys into
Dialogue: 0,0:21:27.49,0:21:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is causing problems.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:29.38,0:21:31.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,While I am with her\Nshe is called to the school
Dialogue: 0,0:21:32.22,0:21:36.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Normally I'm not here until 2:30, but\NI got a call from the administrators
Dialogue: 0,0:21:36.42,0:21:39.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,saying that Todd a difficult morning
Dialogue: 0,0:21:39.30,0:21:44.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had actually unfortunately thrown\Na chair at a staff member and hit him.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:44.82,0:21:46.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Was there a reason or\Nwere you just cross?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:50.08,0:21:53.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just wanted to take a walk because
Dialogue: 0,0:21:53.25,0:21:55.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was kind of feeling pumped and angry
Dialogue: 0,0:21:55.50,0:21:57.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they wouldn't let me do that
Dialogue: 0,0:21:58.50,0:22:01.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I just kind of got mad
Dialogue: 0,0:22:01.35,0:22:02.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Frustrated
Dialogue: 0,0:22:03.11,0:22:06.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah and hurled\Nthe chair at the guy
Dialogue: 0,0:22:06.69,0:22:11.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was about eight or nine.\NThere was a nurse at my school
Dialogue: 0,0:22:11.22,0:22:16.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was turn do my laces up and\Nshe told me to do double laces.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:16.58,0:22:18.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I did not know what that meant.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:18.22,0:22:21.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I actually slapped her\Nright across in the face.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:21.38,0:22:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never known anything like\Nthat absolute rage inside me
Dialogue: 0,0:22:26.78,0:22:32.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was such a stupid thing, because\Nshe told me how to do my laces up
Dialogue: 0,0:22:39.18,0:22:44.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a blow, especially a major one\Nvery often he'll shut down like this
Dialogue: 0,0:22:44.86,0:22:46.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, I know that he is suspended\Nfor three days
Dialogue: 0,0:22:47.11,0:22:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He is been suspended\Nfor three days?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:49.41,0:22:52.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know Todd's school sees it\Nas bad behaviour
Dialogue: 0,0:22:52.30,0:22:54.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I have to say\NI feel a twinge of sympathy
Dialogue: 0,0:22:54.88,0:22:58.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I recognize the rage\Nbeing in the grip of powerful feelings
Dialogue: 0,0:22:58.68,0:23:00.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the shame that comes afterwards.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:01.14,0:23:03.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but Todd and Ian are different from\Nme in one key respect
Dialogue: 0,0:23:04.30,0:23:07.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the same age\Nthey know they have an illness
Dialogue: 0,0:23:08.22,0:23:10.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the other hand, I know from speaking\Nto psychiatrists in Britain
Dialogue: 0,0:23:10.79,0:23:14.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they don't agree with labelling\Nchildren at such a young age
Dialogue: 0,0:23:14.52,0:23:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The norm in Britain is 19
Dialogue: 0,0:23:16.90,0:23:21.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I wanted to speak to the\Nconsultant, who diagnosed Ian and Todd
Dialogue: 0,0:23:24.26,0:23:26.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kiki Chang is well placed\Nto talk about this
Dialogue: 0,0:23:27.34,0:23:31.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only does he run a research project\Nat the prestigious Stanford University
Dialogue: 0,0:23:31.41,0:23:35.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just outside San Francisco but\Nalso he has a 2 year old child
Dialogue: 0,0:23:35.54,0:23:39.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and knows that some of his colleagues\Nwould diagnose as young as that
Dialogue: 0,0:23:39.82,0:23:41.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once you get down to say age 2 or 3
Dialogue: 0,0:23:42.20,0:23:45.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is very normal to have complete\Ndiscontrol over your mood
Dialogue: 0,0:23:45.30,0:23:48.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tantrums and crying one minute\Nand laughing the next minute
Dialogue: 0,0:23:48.97,0:23:51.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I suddenly have colleagues\Nwho are clear
Dialogue: 0,0:23:51.58,0:23:53.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they see it in\N3 year olds even
Dialogue: 0,0:23:53.95,0:23:56.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,certainly I have seen children\Nwho I think
Dialogue: 0,0:23:56.38,0:23:58.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were 4,5 who fit the\Nbipolar criteria
Dialogue: 0,0:23:58.92,0:24:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're having wild mood shifts\Nand they're having unsafe behaviour
Dialogue: 0,0:24:02.01,0:24:03.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're not functioning\Nenough developing correctly
Dialogue: 0,0:24:03.90,0:24:06.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but losing a lot of time\Nin their normal development
Dialogue: 0,0:24:06.82,0:24:11.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone remembers the rise\Nof ADHD over the 80's and 90's
Dialogue: 0,0:24:11.86,0:24:13.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and indeed the cynics will always say
Dialogue: 0,0:24:13.42,0:24:17.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, this is a new fashionable label\Nto put on a bad kid a disrupted kid
Dialogue: 0,0:24:17.97,0:24:21.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would be careful to say that. I\Ndon't think we are over diagnosing
Dialogue: 0,0:24:21.34,0:24:25.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that by increasing the\Ndiagnosis you're catching more people.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:25.66,0:24:28.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's good because it then leads\Nthem to a Bipolar diagnosis and
Dialogue: 0,0:24:28.54,0:24:29.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they realize that there is\Nsomething going on
Dialogue: 0,0:24:29.80,0:24:31.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is maybe treatable\Nand is not their fault
Dialogue: 0,0:24:31.98,0:24:33.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ian, come take your meds
Dialogue: 0,0:24:33.59,0:24:36.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For Kiki Chang diagnoses is good news
Dialogue: 0,0:24:36.38,0:24:39.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For Ian and Todd it means medication
Dialogue: 0,0:24:39.62,0:24:42.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ian showed me how much he takes every day
Dialogue: 0,0:24:42.86,0:24:47.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Welcome to our pharmacy\N- We're proud of it
Dialogue: 0,0:24:47.94,0:24:54.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you go Prozac, Lamictal, Pederol\NKlonapin, is like a tranquilizer type?
Dialogue: 0,0:24:54.38,0:24:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can tell they help me\Nbehave when I have a hard time
Dialogue: 0,0:24:58.82,0:25:02.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is Ambien that I take..\N- It's a sleeping pill, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:02.82,0:25:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Concerta I take in the morning.\NConcerta is a like a Ritalin kind of
Dialogue: 0,0:25:09.06,0:25:14.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It takes me the better part of an hour\Nto stand an fill both of their medication
Dialogue: 0,0:25:14.98,0:25:19.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All of that to take the edge of\Na 16 year old wilder behaviour
Dialogue: 0,0:25:20.02,0:25:22.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what I think, I'm not sure
Dialogue: 0,0:25:22.54,0:25:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know British psychiatrists\Nare concerned about
Dialogue: 0,0:25:25.18,0:25:27.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the harm strong drugs might do\Nto young brains
Dialogue: 0,0:25:27.86,0:25:31.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially when they are not a\N100% sure the diagnosis is correct
Dialogue: 0,0:25:31.54,0:25:34.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If the drugs help Ian and Todd\Nto avoid wrecking their lives
Dialogue: 0,0:25:34.89,0:25:39.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and their mothers then surely\Nthat is a good conclusion
Dialogue: 0,0:25:41.02,0:25:45.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would I've wanted diagnoses at 16 if\Nit meant being on medication since then?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:46.46,0:25:50.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel that in some ways I've\Nbeen helped by my manic depression
Dialogue: 0,0:25:50.69,0:25:54.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that complicates my view Would\NI have had success without it?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:00.70,0:26:08.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you know me if I wasn't\Ndriven by its energy to be creative?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:09.06,0:26:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh stop it, thank you thank you\NHow kind
Dialogue: 0,0:26:12.22,0:26:13.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am delighted
Dialogue: 0,0:26:13.50,0:26:16.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,honoured and\Nlet's not be coy about these things
Dialogue: 0,0:26:16.28,0:26:17.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,financially rewarded
Dialogue: 0,0:26:18.42,0:26:21.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a stressful time, because
Dialogue: 0,0:26:22.59,0:26:24.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,out for everyone else\Nyou make an ars of yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:26:25.09,0:26:28.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,intentionally in front of\Npeople you admire
Dialogue: 0,0:26:29.70,0:26:31.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stress is often a key factor\Nthat people say
Dialogue: 0,0:26:31.96,0:26:34.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pushing them into the manic depression
Dialogue: 0,0:26:34.42,0:26:36.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and certainly when I was diagnosed
Dialogue: 0,0:26:36.48,0:26:38.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the psychiatrist told me\Nnot to work so hard
Dialogue: 0,0:26:38.62,0:26:41.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Relax avoid stressful situations
Dialogue: 0,0:26:41.74,0:26:44.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as you can see\NI took his advice seriously
Dialogue: 0,0:26:46.22,0:26:50.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Enjoyable some people might\Nimagine This kind of thing is
Dialogue: 0,0:26:50.06,0:26:52.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're the same kind fun that is enjoyable
Dialogue: 0,0:26:52.50,0:26:54.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,perhaps someone stops\Ncigarettes out on your nipples
Dialogue: 0,0:26:55.06,0:26:59.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in certain dark clubs and I could\Nbelieve are called torture gardens
Dialogue: 0,0:26:59.86,0:27:02.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the leakier areas of the West End\NCome in!
Dialogue: 0,0:27:03.46,0:27:07.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for the week leading up to it\NI had the most appalling anxiety dreams
Dialogue: 0,0:27:08.74,0:27:10.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which I dropped out of my clothes or
Dialogue: 0,0:27:10.90,0:27:14.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pee myself in the rows of\Nthe front of the stage
Dialogue: 0,0:27:19.86,0:27:25.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do not know if I stress is what puts\Nme into a cycle of mania or depression
Dialogue: 0,0:27:26.50,0:27:30.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't think of time in my life\Nwhen I haven't been subject to stress
Dialogue: 0,0:27:30.10,0:27:31.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Happy?
Dialogue: 0,0:27:31.78,0:27:37.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Happy, ha. I remember that. Seven\Nyears old, ice cream, holidays.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:37.34,0:27:39.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was happy Not since then really
Dialogue: 0,0:27:41.22,0:27:43.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stress is something\NI can't live without
Dialogue: 0,0:27:43.76,0:27:46.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the other hand\Nit is a dangerous thing
Dialogue: 0,0:27:47.62,0:27:50.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No disasters so far, but it is hot work
Dialogue: 0,0:27:50.96,0:27:54.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't fucking wait until it's\Nover, frankly
Dialogue: 0,0:27:54.42,0:27:56.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh God, here we go again
Dialogue: 0,0:28:03.22,0:28:04.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am delighted, honoured
Dialogue: 0,0:28:05.21,0:28:07.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and let's not be too coy\Nabout these things
Dialogue: 0,0:28:07.50,0:28:08.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,financially rewarded
Dialogue: 0,0:28:08.98,0:28:12.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to welcome you to this most prestigious...
Dialogue: 0,0:28:12.54,0:28:15.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well the real thing seems\Nto go off ok for another year
Dialogue: 0,0:28:16.50,0:28:19.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do manage to function despite\Nmy manic depression
Dialogue: 0,0:28:19.72,0:28:22.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm sure it does help me to succeed
Dialogue: 0,0:28:22.97,0:28:25.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's the problem\Nwith connecting stress
Dialogue: 0,0:28:25.09,0:28:27.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the onset of manic depression
Dialogue: 0,0:28:27.34,0:28:30.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My stress is\Nyour easy day at the office
Dialogue: 0,0:28:30.14,0:28:33.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One person coped, the other goes mad
Dialogue: 0,0:28:34.82,0:28:38.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've come to Cornwall to see\Nhow manic depression wrecked
Dialogue: 0,0:28:38.34,0:28:39.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the career\Nthe marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:28:39.82,0:28:41.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and almost took the life of a man
Dialogue: 0,0:28:41.94,0:28:43.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who once was Lieutenant Commander
Dialogue: 0,0:28:43.77,0:28:45.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the Royal Yacht Britannia
Dialogue: 0,0:28:46.27,0:28:50.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here we are Princess Margaret one side\NLieutenant Commander Harvey there
Dialogue: 0,0:28:50.88,0:28:52.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Majesty the Queen there
Dialogue: 0,0:28:52.26,0:28:54.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,22 years ago
Dialogue: 0,0:28:54.18,0:28:57.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You were a well bunny then\Nweren't you? Oh yes, I was well
Dialogue: 0,0:28:57.74,0:29:01.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Four years on the Royal yacht\Nled to a senior posting in NATO
Dialogue: 0,0:29:02.90,0:29:06.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Under huge pressure working\Nin a nuclear bunker
Dialogue: 0,0:29:06.22,0:29:09.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rod became so deeply\Ndepressed he had a breakdown
Dialogue: 0,0:29:09.62,0:29:16.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My self confidence seemed to be\Njust seeping away and my self-esteem
Dialogue: 0,0:29:16.86,0:29:21.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and could not sleep\Nawful sort of feeling, desperation
Dialogue: 0,0:29:22.18,0:29:25.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eventually invalid out of the Navy\Nhe still became
Dialogue: 0,0:29:26.20,0:29:28.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,secretary of the Royal Yacht Club\Nin Plymouth
Dialogue: 0,0:29:28.58,0:29:31.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that lasted until at\Na prise giving ceremony
Dialogue: 0,0:29:31.66,0:29:34.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rod now manic\Nawarded it to the wrong person
Dialogue: 0,0:29:34.82,0:29:37.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The real winner wouldn't accept\NRod's apology
Dialogue: 0,0:29:37.66,0:29:43.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And through in the end I just lost\Nit and in front of all spectators
Dialogue: 0,0:29:44.02,0:29:51.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just shouted, excuse my French, Fuck Off!\Nand marched off into the night
Dialogue: 0,0:29:51.75,0:29:57.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I actually hallucinated by\Nseeing the devil
Dialogue: 0,0:29:57.04,0:30:02.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,burning black coals of these\Neyes of the devil
Dialogue: 0,0:30:02.55,0:30:05.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is what I saw that was frightening
Dialogue: 0,0:30:06.10,0:30:07.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I believed that I was Jesus at that time\Nyou know
Dialogue: 0,0:30:08.26,0:30:11.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,though I couldn't tell people that\Nbecause then I wouldn't be Jesus
Dialogue: 0,0:30:14.14,0:30:15.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rod was brought back to England
Dialogue: 0,0:30:15.72,0:30:18.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sectioned at this psychiatric hospital\Nin Plymouth
Dialogue: 0,0:30:18.24,0:30:20.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was now overwhelmed with depression
Dialogue: 0,0:30:21.20,0:30:28.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was experiencing pain in my head.\NI've been given a touch of hell
Dialogue: 0,0:30:28.44,0:30:33.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was meant to find out what\Nhell feels like
Dialogue: 0,0:30:34.24,0:30:37.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I contrived to escape from the hospital
Dialogue: 0,0:30:37.48,0:30:42.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They let me leave the unit\Nto go upstairs to
Dialogue: 0,0:30:43.22,0:30:45.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,turn right to\Nthe occupational therapy unit
Dialogue: 0,0:30:45.16,0:30:46.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unescorted
Dialogue: 0,0:30:46.68,0:30:47.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I did turn right
Dialogue: 0,0:30:50.32,0:30:54.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I kept walking through the main doors
Dialogue: 0,0:30:56.48,0:30:57.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the dual carriageway
Dialogue: 0,0:31:00.25,0:31:02.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,walked a bit down away from the roundabout
Dialogue: 0,0:31:05.04,0:31:06.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that vehicles can pick up speed
Dialogue: 0,0:31:08.59,0:31:10.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,waited for a lorry to come along
Dialogue: 0,0:31:12.78,0:31:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then walked in front of it
Dialogue: 0,0:31:20.65,0:31:25.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had actually compound fractures of\Nboth legs and every bone in my legs
Dialogue: 0,0:31:27.25,0:31:34.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to lower my trousers to\Nactually see the full extend really
Dialogue: 0,0:31:34.17,0:31:36.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have seen many naval officers\Nin this condition don't worry
Dialogue: 0,0:31:37.05,0:31:37.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not like this
Dialogue: 0,0:31:37.97,0:31:43.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my Goodness no, oh God\NThat is really extraordinary
Dialogue: 0,0:31:43.21,0:31:46.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Please give a twirl at this
Dialogue: 0,0:31:46.53,0:31:49.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is indicative of what must\Nhave been a savage injury
Dialogue: 0,0:31:50.89,0:31:53.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That all happened over ten years ago
Dialogue: 0,0:31:53.87,0:31:56.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and with medication, Rod says\Nhis condition is now stabilized
Dialogue: 0,0:31:57.09,0:31:59.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But twice a year\Nin the spring and in the autumn
Dialogue: 0,0:31:59.85,0:32:02.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he starts to feel the mania\Nbuild again
Dialogue: 0,0:32:02.86,0:32:03.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and despite what's happened to him
Dialogue: 0,0:32:04.27,0:32:06.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he is reluctant to take extra\Nmedication to control it
Dialogue: 0,0:32:07.15,0:32:11.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I believe there is another world\Nrunning in parallel to the normal
Dialogue: 0,0:32:12.22,0:32:15.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,inverted comma's boring, which\NI find boring, world
Dialogue: 0,0:32:16.73,0:32:17.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that there is another world
Dialogue: 0,0:32:18.53,0:32:22.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that the curtain gets\Nlifted, the vale gets lifted
Dialogue: 0,0:32:22.48,0:32:23.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I'm psychoticly manic
Dialogue: 0,0:32:24.09,0:32:27.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I enter into the parallel world
Dialogue: 0,0:32:27.37,0:32:30.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then I see things in a\Ntotally different way
Dialogue: 0,0:32:47.100,0:32:51.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will go into pubs and\NI will see angels
Dialogue: 0,0:32:51.91,0:32:54.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that they know\Nwho I am
Dialogue: 0,0:32:54.83,0:32:56.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I know who they are
Dialogue: 0,0:32:56.63,0:33:00.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we have a tremendous sort\Nof bond between us
Dialogue: 0,0:33:01.31,0:33:03.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because of a shared knowledge
Dialogue: 0,0:33:07.17,0:33:13.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you regret the fact that you\Nare born with this strange disorder
Dialogue: 0,0:33:13.64,0:33:16.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is called\Nbipolar or manic depression?
Dialogue: 0,0:33:17.01,0:33:20.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a very easy question\Nthere is a very easy answer
Dialogue: 0,0:33:20.29,0:33:24.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No - You don't regret\Nit - No, not for a second
Dialogue: 0,0:33:24.45,0:33:26.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when you walked with angels
Dialogue: 0,0:33:26.67,0:33:30.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all the pain and suffering\Nis well worthwhile
Dialogue: 0,0:33:42.81,0:33:45.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You'll be pleased to know\NI don't see angels
Dialogue: 0,0:33:45.85,0:33:47.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the devil or\Nthink I am Jesus
Dialogue: 0,0:33:48.10,0:33:49.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the other hand\NI agree with Rod
Dialogue: 0,0:33:50.11,0:33:52.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we manic depressives\Ndo love our manic periods
Dialogue: 0,0:33:53.35,0:33:55.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I know that doesn't help diagnosis
Dialogue: 0,0:33:55.61,0:33:57.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we are UP\Nwe are not ill, don't be silly
Dialogue: 0,0:33:58.21,0:34:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're fine\Nno need for a doctor
Dialogue: 0,0:34:00.61,0:34:04.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that doesn't disguise the fact,\Nthat Rod so nearly killed himself
Dialogue: 0,0:34:04.53,0:34:06.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that he really wanted to\Nwhen he was in the grip
Dialogue: 0,0:34:06.92,0:34:08.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from the other\Nside of this illness
Dialogue: 0,0:34:13.25,0:34:18.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The legacy of any suicide for the family \Nleft behind, is extremely painful
Dialogue: 0,0:34:18.58,0:34:22.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but when the cause is manic depression\Nsuicide also leaves fear
Dialogue: 0,0:34:22.89,0:34:24.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The fear that the same thing\Nmight happen again
Dialogue: 0,0:34:25.01,0:34:26.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with another member of the family
Dialogue: 0,0:34:27.13,0:34:32.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because manic depression is an illness\Nthat always handed down in families
Dialogue: 0,0:34:32.65,0:34:36.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that is what brought me further down\Nthe coast in Cornwall to see an old friend
Dialogue: 0,0:34:36.85,0:34:39.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who's had to life with\Nthat thought since he was 18
Dialogue: 0,0:34:39.61,0:34:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's when he found out\Nthat his father was bipolar
Dialogue: 0,0:34:46.25,0:34:49.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this is where you would\Ncome every summer holiday?
Dialogue: 0,0:34:49.17,0:34:53.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, we were. There are great\Nmemories to me as a child, I must say.
Dialogue: 0,0:34:53.99,0:34:58.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We used to sit out on that deckchairs\Non that slate bit down there
Dialogue: 0,0:34:59.10,0:35:01.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With lashings and lashings of lemonade
Dialogue: 0,0:35:03.94,0:35:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is very\N'Famous Five', isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:35:07.45,0:35:11.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just imagine having every\Nsummer holiday here
Dialogue: 0,0:35:14.05,0:35:17.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I mean, slightly mixed emotions\Nthat you coming back here, I suppose
Dialogue: 0,0:35:17.81,0:35:20.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, because my father\Nactually killed himself
Dialogue: 0,0:35:20.89,0:35:25.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Over there actually so it\Nis not the best place for me
Dialogue: 0,0:35:25.57,0:35:28.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the heartbreaking things\Nabout his suicide is that he actually
Dialogue: 0,0:35:29.12,0:35:31.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,went out with his sister\Nyour aunt
Dialogue: 0,0:35:32.26,0:35:35.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and threw himself of that cliff\Nin front of her
Dialogue: 0,0:35:35.13,0:35:38.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He dived off, you know so I\Nmean he wasn't messing about
Dialogue: 0,0:35:51.45,0:35:54.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm afraid they've all broken up a bit
Dialogue: 0,0:35:54.29,0:35:56.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's try to find a decent\Npicture of him
Dialogue: 0,0:35:57.56,0:35:59.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There he is\N- That's your father
Dialogue: 0,0:36:01.85,0:36:04.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The idea of having\Na loony father is just
Dialogue: 0,0:36:04.36,0:36:07.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very a sort of embarrassing\Nand shameful really
Dialogue: 0,0:36:08.49,0:36:13.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was 18, I was so keen to a sort\Nof hide the whole business really
Dialogue: 0,0:36:14.21,0:36:18.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You just want to be normal\Nat that age, you know
Dialogue: 0,0:36:18.49,0:36:23.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just became morbidly sort of\Naware of it and very very depressed
Dialogue: 0,0:36:23.41,0:36:25.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you get this panic attacks
Dialogue: 0,0:36:26.21,0:36:32.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My way of coping with it was to to sort\Nof like almost pretend it haven't happened
Dialogue: 0,0:36:32.33,0:36:37.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Shortly after he died I went away to\NAustralia, America and Mexico for two years
Dialogue: 0,0:36:37.96,0:36:40.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just running away from it really
Dialogue: 0,0:36:42.85,0:36:45.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rick returned and build\Na huge success story
Dialogue: 0,0:36:45.35,0:36:47.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just miles from where\Nhis father died
Dialogue: 0,0:36:47.89,0:36:50.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he also spent his life wondering
Dialogue: 0,0:36:50.23,0:36:54.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if he'd inherit the condition\Nthat made his father kill himself
Dialogue: 0,0:36:54.85,0:37:00.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was always so worried\Nthen about ending up like him
Dialogue: 0,0:37:00.25,0:37:04.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The thing is that he thought\NI was particularly like him
Dialogue: 0,0:37:04.65,0:37:08.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I think he was incredibly\Ntroubled by that
Dialogue: 0,0:37:08.33,0:37:12.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father didn't show signs of\Nit until his mid-forties really
Dialogue: 0,0:37:14.57,0:37:19.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am well over it now then\NI think about my sons too
Dialogue: 0,0:37:19.93,0:37:23.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My sons are still in their\Nmid-twenties so there is plenty of time
Dialogue: 0,0:37:24.41,0:37:25.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you see a psychotherapist?\N- I do I do
Dialogue: 0,0:37:27.97,0:37:28.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is helpful?
Dialogue: 0,0:37:29.04,0:37:30.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, it is I do believe
Dialogue: 0,0:37:30.91,0:37:32.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only problem with\Nseeing a psychotherapist
Dialogue: 0,0:37:33.06,0:37:37.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really what happened to you as a child\Nis indelibly printed on your brain
Dialogue: 0,0:37:38.12,0:37:41.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They fuck you up, your mom and dad
Dialogue: 0,0:37:48.85,0:37:52.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the research shows is that\Nif you have manic depression
Dialogue: 0,0:37:52.53,0:37:55.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,someone in your family\Nwould have had it before you
Dialogue: 0,0:37:55.21,0:37:58.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It could be a grandparent, aunt\Nor uncle as well as a parent
Dialogue: 0,0:37:58.65,0:38:01.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,often they might not have been diagnosed
Dialogue: 0,0:38:01.81,0:38:06.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So there appears to be no\Nwarning, but there will be somebody
Dialogue: 0,0:38:06.37,0:38:08.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the other hand as\NRick's experience shows
Dialogue: 0,0:38:08.13,0:38:12.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just because your father has it doesn't\Nmean that you'll necessarily get it
Dialogue: 0,0:38:12.73,0:38:16.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the worry remains for bipolar\Nparents "Will I pass it on?"
Dialogue: 0,0:38:16.97,0:38:22.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now for bipolar mothers researchers\Nhave made another devastating discovery
Dialogue: 0,0:38:22.29,0:38:25.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pregnancy itself and the act of\Nchildbirth are now proved
Dialogue: 0,0:38:25.33,0:38:28.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be enormously dangerous\Nto mental health
Dialogue: 0,0:38:28.49,0:38:31.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of women who are already bipolar
Dialogue: 0,0:38:31.37,0:38:34.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I saw you, Gaynor,\NI said that in my opinion
Dialogue: 0,0:38:34.37,0:38:37.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the risk that you had\Nof becoming unwell again
Dialogue: 0,0:38:37.40,0:38:40.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in pregnancy or certainly following\Nthe delivery were very high
Dialogue: 0,0:38:40.93,0:38:43.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think probably 60 percent or more
Dialogue: 0,0:38:43.70,0:38:46.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the kind of rate of risk\Nyou need to think about
Dialogue: 0,0:38:46.89,0:38:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gaynor Thomas lives\Nin Wales and is part of
Dialogue: 0,0:38:50.10,0:38:52.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the same research study\Nthat I'm involved in
Dialogue: 0,0:38:52.61,0:38:56.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She is trying to decide whether\Nshe dare risk getting pregnant again
Dialogue: 0,0:38:56.76,0:39:00.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,knowing that her manic depression\Nhas already led to unusual behaviour
Dialogue: 0,0:39:11.57,0:39:14.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had delusions of grandeur
Dialogue: 0,0:39:14.73,0:39:17.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you believe you were richer\Nthen you were or better born
Dialogue: 0,0:39:18.09,0:39:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or some believe they're princesses or
Dialogue: 0,0:39:20.37,0:39:23.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mine were quite religious in nature
Dialogue: 0,0:39:23.97,0:39:26.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the episodes\NI thought that I was
Dialogue: 0,0:39:26.58,0:39:29.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of God's chosen people\Nfor want of a better word
Dialogue: 0,0:39:30.25,0:39:34.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought that I was able\Nto heal people
Dialogue: 0,0:39:35.26,0:39:37.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought I had special powers
Dialogue: 0,0:39:37.58,0:39:40.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I thought that I\Nkind of sent to
Dialogue: 0,0:39:40.63,0:39:41.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gather together a group of people
Dialogue: 0,0:39:42.03,0:39:43.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to change the world in some way
Dialogue: 0,0:39:43.58,0:39:46.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was seeing a psychotherapist\Nat the time and
Dialogue: 0,0:39:46.91,0:39:50.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she identified that my ideas were\Nbecoming very strange
Dialogue: 0,0:39:50.69,0:39:53.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and called in what would have been\Nthe equivalent of
Dialogue: 0,0:39:53.98,0:39:55.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the Community Mental Health Team
Dialogue: 0,0:39:56.29,0:39:58.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who treated me at home
Dialogue: 0,0:39:58.69,0:40:00.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- With medication?\N- With medication, yes
Dialogue: 0,0:40:00.97,0:40:02.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then came a very dramatic\Nthing
Dialogue: 0,0:40:02.89,0:40:04.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a very wonderful thing for most\Npeople, which is pregnancy
Dialogue: 0,0:40:05.21,0:40:09.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you did had a manic episode while\Npregnant. How did that show itself?
Dialogue: 0,0:40:09.20,0:40:12.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the more religious side\Ncame in after I have had Thomas
Dialogue: 0,0:40:12.65,0:40:16.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All I just thought was that\Nhe was not just a special baby
Dialogue: 0,0:40:16.30,0:40:17.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but a VERY special baby
Dialogue: 0,0:40:18.17,0:40:21.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like a Messiah\N- Almost. Almost to that degree, yes
Dialogue: 0,0:40:22.55,0:40:26.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that I kind of been ad chosen\Nto give birth to him
Dialogue: 0,0:40:26.77,0:40:29.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and together we were going to\Nchange the world
Dialogue: 0,0:40:37.05,0:40:40.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is such a small step\Nand yet it's such a huge one
Dialogue: 0,0:40:40.27,0:40:43.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in terms of embarrassment if\Nyou would say it at a party
Dialogue: 0,0:40:44.25,0:40:46.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is a way of saying\NMy child is the centre of my universe
Dialogue: 0,0:40:46.46,0:40:49.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then saying\NMy child is the centre of the universe
Dialogue: 0,0:40:53.89,0:40:58.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Initially it was postnatal euphoria,\Nbut it became postnatal mania
Dialogue: 0,0:40:59.07,0:41:00.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could not sleep, was so excited
Dialogue: 0,0:41:00.87,0:41:04.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I called the psychiatrist and\Nsaid I think need to see somebody
Dialogue: 0,0:41:04.65,0:41:06.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because things are kind of\Ngetting out of control
Dialogue: 0,0:41:07.33,0:41:11.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gaynor was a sectioned in in a\Npsychiatric hospital for a month
Dialogue: 0,0:41:12.01,0:41:15.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The drugs the hospital put\Nher on calmed her down but
Dialogue: 0,0:41:15.57,0:41:19.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now she is frightened that it might\Nhappen all over again if she gets pregnant
Dialogue: 0,0:41:19.55,0:41:22.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ian Jones told me\NGaynor is right to be scared
Dialogue: 0,0:41:23.61,0:41:26.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Women with bipolar disorder\Nhave very high risk
Dialogue: 0,0:41:26.48,0:41:29.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of having much more severe\Nepisode of illness
Dialogue: 0,0:41:29.43,0:41:30.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in relationship to childbirth
Dialogue: 0,0:41:31.18,0:41:33.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,often with psychotic symptoms\Nlike hallucinations or delusions
Dialogue: 0,0:41:34.61,0:41:37.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These episodes can be some\Nof the most severe episodes
Dialogue: 0,0:41:37.82,0:41:41.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of illness that we see in\Npsychiatric practice
Dialogue: 0,0:41:41.15,0:41:43.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really? In all psychiatric practice?
Dialogue: 0,0:41:43.53,0:41:47.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The last two confidential enquiries\Non maternal death have showed us that
Dialogue: 0,0:41:47.67,0:41:53.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suicide is now the leading cause of death\Nto women around childbirth in this country
Dialogue: 0,0:41:55.67,0:41:58.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gaynor wants Thomas to have\Na brother or sister
Dialogue: 0,0:41:58.93,0:42:02.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but Ian Jones' information\Nis hard to ignore
Dialogue: 0,0:42:02.39,0:42:06.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It made me just re-think the\Nwhole idea of having a baby
Dialogue: 0,0:42:06.43,0:42:11.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know I am sad but I won't\Nbe able to have another child
Dialogue: 0,0:42:12.69,0:42:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps for Thomas his sake
Dialogue: 0,0:42:16.19,0:42:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I got to accept that the risks\Nare probably too high
Dialogue: 0,0:42:24.22,0:42:25.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As you say you don't know what\Nmight have happened
Dialogue: 0,0:42:26.27,0:42:27.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, precisely
Dialogue: 0,0:42:31.33,0:42:33.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love the heels of his shoes
Dialogue: 0,0:42:35.99,0:42:40.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Manic depression's capacity to destroy\Nthe lives of people
Dialogue: 0,0:42:40.24,0:42:41.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,makes it all the more important
Dialogue: 0,0:42:41.72,0:42:44.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be diagnosed early, but\Noften it goes undetected
Dialogue: 0,0:42:44.91,0:42:48.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because what most sufferers do to help\Nthem cope with the mood swings
Dialogue: 0,0:42:49.09,0:42:51.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they cover up their symptoms
Dialogue: 0,0:42:51.31,0:42:53.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Certainly I did for almost twenty years
Dialogue: 0,0:42:54.17,0:42:57.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is called self-medication or\Nas you would quite properly call it
Dialogue: 0,0:42:58.13,0:43:00.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the taking of excessive amounts\Nof drink and drugs
Dialogue: 0,0:43:00.63,0:43:02.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Vodka and cocaine in my case
Dialogue: 0,0:43:02.91,0:43:08.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The effect of it is that coke is a stimulant\Nand alcohol is a sedative, supposedly
Dialogue: 0,0:43:08.86,0:43:13.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I am naturally often\Nso manic and energetic
Dialogue: 0,0:43:13.65,0:43:16.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I often took coke to calm me down
Dialogue: 0,0:43:18.10,0:43:21.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I found it very hard to go to\Nany kind of party without knowing
Dialogue: 0,0:43:21.84,0:43:25.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there were a couple of grams in my\Nwallet I just had to have them there
Dialogue: 0,0:43:27.82,0:43:31.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I find it slightly embarrassed by\Nusing a phrase like self-medication
Dialogue: 0,0:43:32.06,0:43:35.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it sounds like you know\Nyou're sort of excusing yourself or
Dialogue: 0,0:43:35.20,0:43:37.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,saying you're doing it for noble reasons
Dialogue: 0,0:43:37.60,0:43:39.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did find and this is the point
Dialogue: 0,0:43:41.76,0:43:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it stopped one from feeling\Nin a strange kind of way
Dialogue: 0,0:43:47.44,0:43:51.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're no longer sort of\Ndepressed or manic
Dialogue: 0,0:43:51.74,0:43:54.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're just going. You're just 'on'
Dialogue: 0,0:43:55.86,0:43:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what I was doing all\Nduring my successful 80's and 90's
Dialogue: 0,0:44:00.16,0:44:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My friends\Nif they thought about it at all
Dialogue: 0,0:44:02.34,0:44:05.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would have said heavy user\Nnot manic depressive
Dialogue: 0,0:44:05.97,0:44:08.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They did mistaken the symptoms\Nfor the cause
Dialogue: 0,0:44:08.75,0:44:09.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that happens a lot
Dialogue: 0,0:44:10.41,0:44:12.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did it with someone\NI went to university with
Dialogue: 0,0:44:12.59,0:44:15.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,worked on the stage and TV\Nwith and even made a film with
Dialogue: 0,0:44:16.82,0:44:19.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first time it really manifested\Nitself was at the time
Dialogue: 0,0:44:19.85,0:44:21.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I was doing this film\NPeter's Friends
Dialogue: 0,0:44:21.58,0:44:23.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was having a gloriously happy time
Dialogue: 0,0:44:23.76,0:44:26.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in employment and I had money
Dialogue: 0,0:44:26.61,0:44:27.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All my personal life was happy
Dialogue: 0,0:44:28.23,0:44:33.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, on paper there was absolutely no\Nreason for me to be suddenly plunged.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:34.30,0:44:39.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Into this sort of pit of\Nabnormal psychology, this low mood
Dialogue: 0,0:44:44.89,0:44:46.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wasn't drinking excessively then
Dialogue: 0,0:44:46.83,0:44:50.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wasn't taking any kind of\Npsychotropic substance
Dialogue: 0,0:44:50.95,0:44:55.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,either prescribed or proscribed\Nand it came out of the blue
Dialogue: 0,0:44:56.51,0:44:59.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know if you're down and you can\Nsee a reason why you should be down
Dialogue: 0,0:45:00.48,0:45:04.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then that brings with it\Na certain clarity
Dialogue: 0,0:45:05.62,0:45:08.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if there is no reason\Nyou tend to think
Dialogue: 0,0:45:08.34,0:45:10.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why on earth am I feeling\Nlike this? I don't understand
Dialogue: 0,0:45:11.21,0:45:16.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If left to your own devices, you\Ncan often try and stop the cycle of
Dialogue: 0,0:45:17.30,0:45:19.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ups and downs through self-medication
Dialogue: 0,0:45:20.36,0:45:24.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Indigestion of alcohol and\Nnarcotics, cocaine in particular
Dialogue: 0,0:45:25.22,0:45:31.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but with me the depression\Ncame before the substance abuse
Dialogue: 0,0:45:32.66,0:45:35.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone thinks that depression\Nis being a very low desponded mood
Dialogue: 0,0:45:35.83,0:45:38.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but there is agitated depression\Nthere is psychomotor agitation
Dialogue: 0,0:45:39.10,0:45:44.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you endlessly pacing and you\Ncan't sleep and you're short tempered
Dialogue: 0,0:45:44.78,0:45:47.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I rented a huge warehouse by\Nthe river Thames
Dialogue: 0,0:45:48.60,0:45:53.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just stayed in there on my\Nown and I didn't open any mail
Dialogue: 0,0:45:53.56,0:45:55.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or answered any phone calls\Nfor months and months and months
Dialogue: 0,0:45:56.10,0:46:02.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in this pool of rapid\Ncycling despair and mania
Dialogue: 0,0:46:03.21,0:46:05.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,three full bar optics of vodka
Dialogue: 0,0:46:05.75,0:46:12.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to try to get you to sleep when\Nyou haven't been to sleep for 3 days
Dialogue: 0,0:46:12.59,0:46:16.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,spending time howling at the moon and\Nthrowing your furniture in the Thames
Dialogue: 0,0:46:17.62,0:46:19.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which's what I did\N- Really?
Dialogue: 0,0:46:19.81,0:46:21.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes. threw my electrical equipment\Nin the Thames
Dialogue: 0,0:46:22.24,0:46:23.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a long time ago this was
Dialogue: 0,0:46:23.57,0:46:25.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the river police going up and down\Nwith their megaphone saying
Dialogue: 0,0:46:26.04,0:46:28.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Tony stop throwing things in the Thames"
Dialogue: 0,0:46:28.93,0:46:30.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Did they know who you were?\N- They did they did
Dialogue: 0,0:46:31.23,0:46:34.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- That is that Tony Slatterly\N- That is that Tony Slatterly of the TV
Dialogue: 0,0:46:34.43,0:46:40.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, that was thankfully was a\Nlong time ago that was a dark hour
Dialogue: 0,0:46:40.96,0:46:42.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I suppose where I'm\Nleading to is this question
Dialogue: 0,0:46:42.97,0:46:45.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here is a button and\Nif I'd have to press that button
Dialogue: 0,0:46:45.72,0:46:49.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you would take away every aspect of\Nyour bipolarity / cyclothymiacs
Dialogue: 0,0:46:50.12,0:46:52.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and still not caused you the greatest\Nhappiness over the years
Dialogue: 0,0:46:53.32,0:46:56.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but maybe it has something to do with\Nwho you are Do you want that button?
Dialogue: 0,0:46:56.81,0:46:57.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, I keep it
Dialogue: 0,0:46:58.25,0:47:01.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At the moment because I'm in a equable\Nstate I choose
Dialogue: 0,0:47:01.84,0:47:05.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not to press the button but\NI'd like to have the option
Dialogue: 0,0:47:06.42,0:47:08.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everybody I've spoken said that
Dialogue: 0,0:47:09.17,0:47:11.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It says something about manic depression
Dialogue: 0,0:47:11.57,0:47:14.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,despite being the greatest killer\Nof all psychiatric illnesses
Dialogue: 0,0:47:15.06,0:47:17.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,many of those suffering from it\Nif given a chance,
Dialogue: 0,0:47:17.98,0:47:19.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't want to get rid of it
Dialogue: 0,0:47:20.59,0:47:21.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I'm honest, I don't
Dialogue: 0,0:47:23.97,0:47:27.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I came across one woman who\Nabsolutely would press the button
Dialogue: 0,0:47:28.48,0:47:31.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Connie Perris lives in Birmingham\Nand it is just in her forties
Dialogue: 0,0:47:32.17,0:47:37.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her symptoms are so severe that she divides\Nher life into before bipolarity and after
Dialogue: 0,0:47:38.66,0:47:41.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the difficulties is coming\Nin here and feeling a bit paranoid
Dialogue: 0,0:47:42.04,0:47:43.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see what I think is all looking at me.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:44.08,0:47:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is he looking at me?\NWhy is he watching me?
Dialogue: 0,0:47:47.74,0:47:49.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She is following me.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:49.51,0:47:51.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I think\Nhe is giving me funny looks
Dialogue: 0,0:47:53.70,0:47:57.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then it clicks in, the thinking\NI am getting paranoid again
Dialogue: 0,0:47:58.74,0:48:00.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's giving me funny looks\Nbecause I give them funny looks
Dialogue: 0,0:48:02.93,0:48:04.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before she was a lawyer,
Dialogue: 0,0:48:04.80,0:48:06.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Captain in the Territorial Army
Dialogue: 0,0:48:06.52,0:48:07.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a black belt in Aikido
Dialogue: 0,0:48:08.07,0:48:09.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and active in the community
Dialogue: 0,0:48:10.18,0:48:12.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now Connie can hardly get to the shops
Dialogue: 0,0:48:17.83,0:48:21.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I'm very depressed, I slow\Ndown and slow down and slow down
Dialogue: 0,0:48:21.49,0:48:23.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it gets to the point\Nwhich I'm not moving at all
Dialogue: 0,0:48:23.89,0:48:27.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In my head, I can see I can hear
Dialogue: 0,0:48:28.43,0:48:33.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but somehow I just don't have the\Nenergy or the oomph to move forward
Dialogue: 0,0:48:33.40,0:48:37.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it can be a bit embarrassing\Nwhen I'm at the shops
Dialogue: 0,0:48:37.52,0:48:40.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just get stuck there\Nnot moving
Dialogue: 0,0:48:48.62,0:48:50.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Could we before we before we do that
Dialogue: 0,0:48:50.52,0:48:51.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can I just pace up and down\Nthe corridor slightly
Dialogue: 0,0:48:51.99,0:48:54.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'm getting quite shaky\N- Of course you can, I'm sorry
Dialogue: 0,0:48:54.70,0:48:59.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel the shake is getting slightly worse\N- Yes, have a pace
Dialogue: 0,0:49:03.40,0:49:09.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh wow, that is a quite a serious\Nslab of medication, isn't it
Dialogue: 0,0:49:10.66,0:49:13.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two different ones that try to\Nstop me going too high and too low
Dialogue: 0,0:49:13.60,0:49:16.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One slows down the swings\Nand one stops going to high
Dialogue: 0,0:49:17.72,0:49:21.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The stuff for my thyroid because\Nthat also slows mood swings down
Dialogue: 0,0:49:21.49,0:49:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Something to help me\Nsleep and
Dialogue: 0,0:49:23.51,0:49:26.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something to do with paranoia and\Nother psychotic thinking
Dialogue: 0,0:49:27.25,0:49:29.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then there is the\Nmineral supplements
Dialogue: 0,0:49:29.36,0:49:31.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,try to stop my hair falling out\Nfrom the mood stabilizers
Dialogue: 0,0:49:32.64,0:49:35.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Golly wolly, every day?\N- Every day
Dialogue: 0,0:49:40.85,0:49:44.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in your depressions have you considered\Nyou know
Dialogue: 0,0:49:45.18,0:49:47.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the worst side of depression\Nwhat is suicide?
Dialogue: 0,0:49:48.01,0:49:49.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In a period of four days
Dialogue: 0,0:49:49.92,0:49:52.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I took an overdose I stepped\Nright in front of an oncoming train
Dialogue: 0,0:49:52.81,0:49:55.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tried to drill a hole in\Nmy head with an electric drill
Dialogue: 0,0:49:55.48,0:49:56.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I cut my wrists
Dialogue: 0,0:49:59.07,0:50:03.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dig a hole in your head with an\Nelectric drill that's is extreme
Dialogue: 0,0:50:03.80,0:50:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was just so utterly despair I\Ndidn't think I could take anymore
Dialogue: 0,0:50:11.51,0:50:13.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do you see the future?
Dialogue: 0,0:50:15.70,0:50:19.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do not see it\NI try to take it a minute at a time
Dialogue: 0,0:50:19.43,0:50:20.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because at the moment\NI don't see it
Dialogue: 0,0:50:21.23,0:50:24.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd like to. I really wish I could,\Nbut at the moment I don't
Dialogue: 0,0:50:29.15,0:50:33.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I so very much bitterly\Nresent having manic depression
Dialogue: 0,0:50:33.70,0:50:38.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish I could say otherwise but\Nthat is how I feel I resent it deeply
Dialogue: 0,0:50:42.100,0:50:45.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's perhaps a hard fact but\None we should face
Dialogue: 0,0:50:46.28,0:50:49.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that of those people who have\Nsevere bipolarity
Dialogue: 0,0:50:49.84,0:50:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and aren't receiving\Ntreatment, half attempts suicide
Dialogue: 0,0:50:53.85,0:50:55.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and 20 percent succeed
Dialogue: 0,0:50:57.54,0:51:00.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Having met Connie\NI realized I was lucky
Dialogue: 0,0:51:00.50,0:51:04.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,originally to be diagnosed at\Nthe mild end of the bipolar scale
Dialogue: 0,0:51:05.61,0:51:06.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that was 11 years ago
Dialogue: 0,0:51:07.51,0:51:10.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now I'm concerned to know how my way\Nof dealing with it
Dialogue: 0,0:51:10.43,0:51:13.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will affect my rating\Non Professor Craddock's scale for mania
Dialogue: 0,0:51:14.94,0:51:17.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A zero on that scale is someone who
Dialogue: 0,0:51:17.09,0:51:19.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has absolutely no features of being\Nbipolar at all
Dialogue: 0,0:51:20.93,0:51:24.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Between 1 and 39 that is somebody who
Dialogue: 0,0:51:24.79,0:51:28.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has what we call subclinical episodes of mania
Dialogue: 0,0:51:29.38,0:51:33.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,40 to 59 on our scale is people who
Dialogue: 0,0:51:33.50,0:51:38.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only get hypo manias\NThat's the milder episodes
Dialogue: 0,0:51:38.61,0:51:43.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then 60 and above is the range\Nwhere people experience full manias
Dialogue: 0,0:51:45.02,0:51:49.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,From what you've told me, you\Nwould score probably about 70
Dialogue: 0,0:51:50.73,0:51:55.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To be honest, I wonder\Nif you've got close to
Dialogue: 0,0:51:55.52,0:51:58.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,having grandiose delusions\Nin that first episode
Dialogue: 0,0:51:58.97,0:52:03.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you did on our scale that\Nwould actually put you above 80
Dialogue: 0,0:52:04.93,0:52:09.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well it's good to know\NI'm not wasting your time
Dialogue: 0,0:52:10.11,0:52:15.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that my little genes may\Nbe of some help in your research
Dialogue: 0,0:52:20.29,0:52:24.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't expect that. It's worrying\Nthat I seem to be getting worse
Dialogue: 0,0:52:25.57,0:52:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Clearly I must now consider treatment
Dialogue: 0,0:52:28.35,0:52:31.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I haven't been on any medication\Nsince my original diagnosis
Dialogue: 0,0:52:31.95,0:52:32.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Should I be?
Dialogue: 0,0:52:33.33,0:52:37.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think my life needs to change\Ndramatically
Dialogue: 0,0:52:38.25,0:52:41.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,British subtitles (transcript):\NBABL