0:00:24.891,0:00:26.818
Do you know of any children

0:00:26.818,0:00:30.388
who can speak English[br]and another language fluently?

0:00:31.379,0:00:35.567
These children may have moved[br]with their families

0:00:35.567,0:00:37.551
from or to another country.

0:00:37.693,0:00:40.988
Or their parents[br]may be an international couple.

0:00:41.505,0:00:46.226
These children grow up with exposure[br]to multiple languages and cultures

0:00:46.244,0:00:47.466
at the same time.

0:00:47.783,0:00:51.441
And while this kind of childhood[br]is getting very common,

0:00:51.552,0:00:54.581
if you actually ask one of these children,

0:00:54.634,0:00:57.620
"Hey, are you enjoying the experience?"

0:00:57.727,0:00:59.178
he or she might tell you,

0:00:59.178,0:01:03.389
"No, it's actually very tough,[br]and I'm struggling.

0:01:03.511,0:01:06.023
And my parents are struggling with me."

0:01:07.070,0:01:09.528
Twenty years ago,[br]I was one of these children,

0:01:09.565,0:01:14.114
and as I was being back and forth[br]between the United States and Japan,

0:01:14.148,0:01:18.878
I have to tell you[br]that, back then, I hated my life.

0:01:19.093,0:01:22.186
Each move was traumatizing,

0:01:22.209,0:01:26.247
and I fell way, way behind academically.

0:01:27.079,0:01:29.813
But today, now that I'm an adult,

0:01:29.862,0:01:35.145
the same experiences have become[br]a gift that helps me in many ways.

0:01:36.760,0:01:42.733
So, what is it that makes[br]an international childhood so hard?

0:01:42.894,0:01:46.937
My family gave me their full support[br]throughout the journey,

0:01:46.969,0:01:49.770
and I was very lucky to have them.

0:01:50.167,0:01:52.352
But now that I reflect on it,

0:01:52.352,0:01:54.833
I kind of think that it was way too hard

0:01:54.833,0:01:55.832
for all of us.

0:01:56.458,0:01:58.648
So, as soon as I got[br]to Harvard Business School

0:01:58.648,0:02:00.155
as a Fulbright scholar,

0:02:00.156,0:02:04.112
I started working on an idea[br]that later became my startup.

0:02:04.349,0:02:09.048
It's an educational service[br]that supports international children

0:02:09.048,0:02:13.771
through their unique challenges,[br]both academic and psychological.

0:02:14.057,0:02:18.993
So what is it that makes[br]an international childhood so hard,

0:02:19.010,0:02:20.718
but later, rewarding?

0:02:21.366,0:02:23.746
The first thing is language.

0:02:23.878,0:02:25.549
Do you know how they say that,

0:02:25.549,0:02:28.986
"Oh, young children,[br]they can pick up a language so quickly.

0:02:29.030,0:02:31.541
He or she will be speaking in no time."

0:02:31.632,0:02:33.124
You've heard that before?

0:02:33.223,0:02:38.395
Yeah, so that's true if the question is:

0:02:38.396,0:02:41.431
"Can they communicate in that language?"

0:02:41.853,0:02:44.085
But if the question is:

0:02:44.085,0:02:47.886
"Can they think and learn[br]in that language?"

0:02:48.101,0:02:51.821
the answer is that it actually[br]takes a lot longer.

0:02:52.483,0:02:56.932
Research tells us that it can take[br]five to seven years for a person

0:02:56.932,0:02:59.632
to reach this level of proficiency.

0:03:00.217,0:03:01.494
Now, one of our students,

0:03:01.494,0:03:04.160
he's been in an English[br]environment for six years.

0:03:04.160,0:03:06.034
His English is so fluent,

0:03:06.034,0:03:08.388
you won't believe[br]this is not his native tongue.

0:03:08.388,0:03:11.989
And he has straight A's[br]in all of his English subjects.

0:03:12.109,0:03:14.681
But when it comes to math and physics,

0:03:14.843,0:03:18.484
he still prefers[br]that we teach him in Japanese.

0:03:19.196,0:03:22.479
According to him,[br]"Oh, it's just faster that way.

0:03:22.479,0:03:26.651
You know, it's easier to learn[br]these, like, hard conceptual ideas.

0:03:26.853,0:03:30.249
They're easier to manipulate in my head

0:03:30.292,0:03:32.388
when they are in Japanese."

0:03:32.711,0:03:35.349
So, in short, it's easier to think.

0:03:36.274,0:03:40.362
So if you are a child[br]learning in a language

0:03:40.362,0:03:42.964
that you are not completely[br]comfortable with yet,

0:03:43.100,0:03:47.165
that can limit your cognition,[br]your ability to learn.

0:03:47.453,0:03:51.670
So, for any multilingual[br]student growing up,

0:03:51.794,0:03:55.280
it's essential that they catch up[br]with the school language

0:03:55.280,0:03:57.086
as fast as possible

0:03:57.105,0:04:00.253
so that they can learn[br]what they should be learning

0:04:00.253,0:04:01.727
at that grade level.

0:04:01.797,0:04:06.738
Meantime, they also need to maintain[br]their native tongue at the grade level,

0:04:06.738,0:04:09.345
and that is very hard.

0:04:09.566,0:04:12.730
It's not something[br]that just happens on its own either.

0:04:12.730,0:04:16.926
It requires commitment[br]and planning and investment,

0:04:16.926,0:04:20.837
not just from the child,[br]but also from the family.

0:04:22.688,0:04:27.014
A child going through this stage[br]needs help, deserves help.

0:04:27.083,0:04:29.792
And it's either the family provides it,

0:04:29.802,0:04:32.761
or professionals can help them provide it.

0:04:35.077,0:04:36.082
And I remember

0:04:36.082,0:04:39.239
that going through the stage,[br]it was very confusing.

0:04:39.270,0:04:42.444
It almost felt as if[br]that it was a personal problem.

0:04:42.477,0:04:44.579
Like, "Maybe I'm not smart enough

0:04:44.579,0:04:47.871
because I'm spending so much time working,

0:04:47.983,0:04:50.467
but I'm not good enough in either."

0:04:52.528,0:04:54.599
Language barriers can also be very hard

0:04:54.599,0:04:57.097
on a child's social life[br]at school as well.

0:04:57.494,0:05:00.689
Do you ever feel like[br]there are aspects of your personality

0:05:00.699,0:05:04.553
that you can't really fully express[br]in your second language?

0:05:05.122,0:05:08.124
You know, maybe you can't be as funny,

0:05:08.124,0:05:10.170
or seem as intelligent,

0:05:10.170,0:05:12.869
or be as interesting as you really are

0:05:12.869,0:05:14.901
because language limits you.

0:05:15.533,0:05:20.380
Now, imagine you are a teenager,[br]and you need to do that five days a week.

0:05:20.412,0:05:21.439
Yikes!

0:05:21.638,0:05:25.326
So, learning a language[br]is a long and hard journey.

0:05:26.658,0:05:29.877
The gift, of course, is access.

0:05:29.966,0:05:32.503
Once you've mastered two languages,

0:05:32.503,0:05:36.159
you can go to school or work[br]in two different countries.

0:05:36.226,0:05:41.394
You can access information[br]and knowledge created in two languages.

0:05:41.458,0:05:46.884
And you can build relationships[br]with two very different groups of people.

0:05:47.301,0:05:50.854
There's so much richness[br]in the bilingual world.

0:05:51.017,0:05:54.248
It's almost like you're living[br]two lives at the same time.

0:05:56.118,0:05:58.763
The second challenge is culture.

0:05:59.130,0:06:03.048
So one day, a little girl in Michigan[br]walks into her classroom in the morning,

0:06:03.048,0:06:06.753
and her teacher welcomes her[br]with a big warm hug,

0:06:07.049,0:06:08.989
just like any other morning.

0:06:09.083,0:06:11.649
The next week, she moves to Japan,

0:06:11.818,0:06:14.097
where hugging is not really a thing,

0:06:14.097,0:06:16.854
and we express affection[br]through different means.

0:06:16.935,0:06:21.081
After one big, awkward social attempt,

0:06:21.081,0:06:25.003
she notices that you can't really[br]hug people in Japan

0:06:25.162,0:06:28.037
without making them feel[br]completely uncomfortable

0:06:28.073,0:06:32.501
and also winning the title[br]of "complete social weirdo."

0:06:32.501,0:06:33.501
(Laughter)

0:06:33.501,0:06:35.650
So she stops hugging people,

0:06:36.198,0:06:37.765
but knowing isn't feeling.

0:06:37.765,0:06:40.898
She still wants to hug people,[br]and she misses it.

0:06:40.944,0:06:45.612
But she knows that she needs[br]to follow the cultural norm

0:06:45.654,0:06:49.582
in order to be accepted[br]as a decent member of the community,

0:06:49.629,0:06:54.028
and failure to do so would mean[br]that she would be the outcast

0:06:54.068,0:06:56.696
who can't follow the rules.

0:06:57.327,0:07:00.779
And because culture is not[br]just about the foods we eat

0:07:00.782,0:07:02.554
and the holidays we celebrate,

0:07:02.567,0:07:05.285
but it's this all-encompassing[br]thought process

0:07:05.285,0:07:08.227
that highlights different[br]aspects of the world

0:07:08.227,0:07:11.954
and attributes different meaning[br]to these aspects

0:07:12.022,0:07:15.780
and hence creates completely[br]different experiences

0:07:15.780,0:07:17.292
from the same world,

0:07:17.316,0:07:22.322
this kind of difference can exist[br]in anything and everything

0:07:22.322,0:07:24.922
from, let's say,[br]how to be popular at school

0:07:24.922,0:07:27.884
to how to sound credible[br]at a job interview,

0:07:28.030,0:07:32.379
all the way up to how to tell[br]somebody that you like them

0:07:32.437,0:07:37.147
and how you determine the relationship[br]after a couple of dates with your crush.

0:07:37.889,0:07:42.074
And because there is no convenient[br]textbook for all these cultural norms,

0:07:42.074,0:07:45.333
you basically need to learn[br]through trying and making

0:07:45.333,0:07:48.645
lots and lots of embarrassing mistakes.

0:07:50.834,0:07:52.553
The pain is worsened

0:07:52.553,0:07:54.942
because you start to take it personally.

0:07:55.132,0:07:56.732
You start to think, at one point,

0:07:56.732,0:08:00.352
"Hey, oh, I need to watch out[br]for my behavior.

0:08:00.492,0:08:03.896
I need to constantly check[br]if I'm not being weird,"

0:08:03.956,0:08:05.739
just to be accepted.

0:08:08.220,0:08:11.535
The gift in being brought up[br]in two cultures

0:08:11.787,0:08:15.773
is this revelation that cultural norms

0:08:16.923,0:08:18.908
are a social construct.

0:08:18.986,0:08:22.055
You know, people can believe[br]in wildly different things

0:08:22.058,0:08:24.798
based on where they were born[br]or how they were brought up.

0:08:24.798,0:08:29.070
And what seems to be common sense[br]or even the truth in one culture

0:08:29.269,0:08:31.696
may not be that way somewhere else.

0:08:32.597,0:08:36.896
And although each culture[br]is this complete, beautiful,

0:08:37.111,0:08:40.405
and functional and different[br]approach to life,

0:08:40.739,0:08:43.599
none of them is universal truth.

0:08:44.421,0:08:47.177
Knowing this can give you two freedoms.

0:08:47.253,0:08:50.840
The first freedom is to choose[br]which rules you want to follow

0:08:50.840,0:08:53.259
at important junctions of your life.

0:08:53.526,0:08:55.943
My choice to go to Harvard Business School

0:08:55.952,0:08:58.089
and become a female entrepreneur

0:08:58.089,0:09:03.490
does not necessarily fit[br]the typical female gender role in Japan.

0:09:03.693,0:09:07.606
But I can choose[br]to feel feminine if I want to

0:09:07.827,0:09:11.696
because I know that femininity[br]can mean different things

0:09:11.744,0:09:13.427
in different places.

0:09:13.984,0:09:16.097
The second freedom is awareness.

0:09:16.208,0:09:19.642
The tricky thing about culture[br]is that when you are part of a culture,

0:09:19.642,0:09:21.799
it's very hard to be aware of it.

0:09:22.040,0:09:23.116
You know, they say

0:09:23.116,0:09:25.856
that it's the air we breathe[br]and the water we swim in,

0:09:26.192,0:09:31.224
but once you are fully immersed[br]in two or more cultures,

0:09:31.442,0:09:34.661
the contrast suddenly[br]makes it easier for you

0:09:34.661,0:09:38.410
to become aware[br]of how they are influencing you.

0:09:39.315,0:09:41.701
And if you are more aware

0:09:41.701,0:09:45.179
of the cultural biases[br]and the stereotypes we have,

0:09:45.200,0:09:47.497
that makes you so much better

0:09:47.497,0:09:51.169
at connecting with somebody[br]from a different culture.

0:09:51.241,0:09:54.862
You know, in today's world[br]of divide and borders,

0:09:55.409,0:09:58.780
we need more people who are good at this.

0:10:01.145,0:10:04.020
The final component is identity.

0:10:05.058,0:10:08.681
An American girl, who had been living[br]in Shanghai for eight years,

0:10:09.061,0:10:11.049
moves back to DC.

0:10:11.178,0:10:13.997
And her new friends there[br]jokingly tell her,

0:10:13.997,0:10:16.543
"Ah, go back to China[br]where you came from."

0:10:16.933,0:10:19.506
That day, later on, she told me,

0:10:19.506,0:10:22.577
"Well, I don't belong[br]there either, you know?

0:10:22.598,0:10:25.228
It looks like I don't belong[br]anywhere now."

0:10:26.308,0:10:32.310
And this sense of being uprooted[br]and rootless can really eat away at you.

0:10:32.599,0:10:35.133
I admit that, even to this day,

0:10:35.211,0:10:37.508
I sometimes struggle with the question:

0:10:37.515,0:10:41.573
"Wait, who am I really,[br]and where do I belong?"

0:10:41.972,0:10:45.323
because I feel a deep[br]connection with Japan,

0:10:45.492,0:10:48.348
and I feel a deep connection with the US,

0:10:48.418,0:10:51.822
but I don't fully belong in either.

0:10:51.869,0:10:53.132
I'm a mixture.

0:10:53.828,0:10:59.291
And being that makes me[br]a minority in Japan, where I am from.

0:10:59.883,0:11:02.890
And that can be very hard,[br]especially for a child

0:11:02.890,0:11:06.363
because you want to be able[br]to clearly define who you are

0:11:06.363,0:11:10.212
and have this safe place in the world[br]where you can just be yourself,

0:11:10.212,0:11:11.579
and be accepted,

0:11:11.627,0:11:14.526
and not have to try so hard all the time.

0:11:15.776,0:11:18.729
The gift in all this confusion

0:11:19.604,0:11:25.356
is that the confusion[br]is actually an open invitation

0:11:25.646,0:11:31.067
for us to find a time and place[br]where we can feel belonging.

0:11:32.140,0:11:36.396
To define what are[br]the meaningful relationships

0:11:36.515,0:11:38.597
that help you belong in a space,

0:11:38.953,0:11:41.060
what is it that we can do

0:11:41.060,0:11:45.656
to give our rather complicated lives[br]purpose and meaning?

0:11:46.605,0:11:50.485
Sometimes, all it takes for you[br]to feel like "Ah, I belong here"

0:11:50.485,0:11:53.148
is a couple of really close friends,

0:11:53.344,0:11:57.009
friends that just get you,[br]you know, both sides of you.

0:11:57.303,0:12:00.852
Sometimes, it's a mission[br]or a vision you want to pursue.

0:12:00.852,0:12:03.730
It's something that you want[br]to give back to that environment

0:12:03.730,0:12:05.813
that connects you to that place.

0:12:06.810,0:12:10.898
And because concepts[br]like identity and nationality

0:12:10.947,0:12:15.878
are actually a lot not as concrete[br]and as definite as you would think,

0:12:16.392,0:12:19.988
there is space for reinterpretation.

0:12:19.988,0:12:22.070
There is plasticity

0:12:22.070,0:12:27.769
for you to recreate a sense of belonging[br]that you could have once lost.

0:12:28.972,0:12:34.287
So the invitation in this identity crisis

0:12:34.287,0:12:39.216
is an invitation to choose[br]who you want to be

0:12:39.328,0:12:41.809
and what you want[br]to make out of your life.

0:12:42.958,0:12:47.479
So if there are any of these[br]international children around you,

0:12:47.479,0:12:50.343
I ask you today, please be kind to them.

0:12:50.526,0:12:53.410
Just because they can't speak[br]intelligently yet,

0:12:53.410,0:12:55.369
don't assume they're not intelligent.

0:12:55.501,0:12:57.538
Please try not to judge them,

0:12:57.538,0:13:00.461
to see them through stereotypes,[br]to tokenize them.

0:13:01.382,0:13:04.257
Instead, please help me encourage them,

0:13:04.257,0:13:06.617
to tell them to hang in there,

0:13:06.617,0:13:08.000
to aim higher.

0:13:08.054,0:13:11.137
And join me in embracing these children

0:13:11.137,0:13:13.887
and celebrating the potential they have

0:13:13.887,0:13:16.544
and bringing us so much closer together.

0:13:18.276,0:13:22.748
And if you are one of these children,[br]today, oh my God, I have to tell you

0:13:22.748,0:13:27.798
that you are doing something[br]that's extremely hard for anyone.

0:13:27.847,0:13:29.754
You are not alone.

0:13:29.972,0:13:31.389
You deserve help.

0:13:31.495,0:13:35.005
And if you want it,[br]don't be shy to ask for it.

0:13:35.337,0:13:38.854
The world is counting on you[br]to make it through.

0:13:39.580,0:13:40.706
Thank you.

0:13:40.872,0:13:43.871
(Applause)