♪ Music playing ♪
Guy: If we get married, you could have this every night. Girl: What?
[Guy on right] You gotta be less of a douche in front of me.
Owen: Are you getting mad? Yeah.
Tell me why you're getting mad.
It, 'cause you're like hilariously offensively douche-y.
You just gotta cool it.
No! Nope! Hey! Nope, none of that! Hey! Be nice. Be nice.
Not to you. You just gotta cool it. You gotta be less of a cunt while you're standing in front of me. Teach me, teach me.
Well, just stand there and don't be a dick.
Teach me. You're doing a really good job.
How do you know I don't think you're being a dick? No, just do it like you're doing it.
How do you know I don't think you're being a dick?
Just stand still. How do you know I don't think you're being a dick?
That's it, no just stand still. Society has different value systems.
But no, that's true.
'Cause I could tell you to stand still -
I am!
And, hey you gotta stand still.
I am.
Ok, now we both gotta stand still, gotta suppress our sevles.
But I'm not, I'm not grabbing strangers and then calling them sluts. I'm just sayin'. Did she have fun? Did she have fun?
Not with you.
Really?
She's gonna regret that tomorrow.
Why?
Just cool down.
Why's she gonna, just tell me why she's gonna regret it.
'Cause you're a balding ginger loser that she had to grind with in front of a bar.
Ok, ok, so, wait, wait, wait. Relax.
Wait, wait, wait.
So, what you're doing, what are you doing?
First thing you're doing is tryna make it
You're representing that conformy shit
when you're trying to make people who don't look like the ideal way socially
have a bad time of life. Right? No! I just -
No, you are, right?
Number two
You're tryna say; 'Don't go talking to girls who are having fun'.
No, no, this is different.
Right? No, is she smiling?
If I got out a video camera right now, and we did a video chat check
would she be smiling and laughing?
Or would she be frowning?
Her, and you. Girl: Hi!! -Girl laughing-
Hey, we're friends now! I'm like, hey, we're friends now!
No, no-
You should, now you, now
here's what we're gonna do.
You're gonna show me how to talk to girls.
And I'm gonna learn from you. I'm gonna be open-minded.
No, no, no, none of that. No, I'm gonna be open-minded.
Ok, no, no. You know what people like you do?
You suppress people who do wanna go talk to girls
and you fuck up their confidence.
People that are not mentally strong, you fuck 'em up.
Because people have done that to you, right?
People hurt you.
So you pass that cycle of pain.
We're gonna stop that cycle of pain tonight.
What are you talking about?
We're gonna stop the cycle of pain tonight!
No, no!
We're gonna party!
No!
We're gonna have fun!
And tonight you're gonna get laid for the first time in your life.
[Guy off camera] With a girl. And it's gonna be amazing, with a girl, dude.
And it's gonna be awesome. No, here, we can talk about it.
It's gonna be awesome!
Tell me, tell me, tell me.
What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?
No, I do pretty well for myself. But-
How do you do it? How do you do it?
But I don't, I don't find , like-
How do you do it? Where do you meet girls?
Anywhere you wanna meet girls.
Like, tell me how. Do you go up to them in the mall?
No, you don't-
Do you go up to them in Starbucks?
The library?
No, you don't - In the street?
You don't have to approach anybody anywhere like that.
How do you, how do you meet girls? Tell me.
Very easily.
Tell me how, tell me how. I wanna learn.
You just smile at a stranger and you see if it works.
So wait, you just go up like this?
Watch, I'm gonna practice. You walk up, like [smiles].
Wait, here, watch.
-Yells- HEY! HEY!
I tried, I tried. This smile? -Laughs-
No, see, you just seem like you're being really cunt-y.
I know, I know. Show me. You should just not be.
Just show me. Just, like this? Like this?
Nah. I'ma let you wear your cool shirt and shit. Just-
Dude, don't be mean, that's sarcastic. That's sarcastic.
No, I -
[inaudible] aim that weak-minded people to lower their emotions.
Like, and then they're [delta sure], right?
See, I wouldn't call me 'weak-minded'. I do really well for myself.
No, you try, you assume - You do that kinda stuff on other weak-minded people.
Right? No, I don't, I don't talk to weak-minded people.
'Cause see, I know people who if you said that to, would be crushed.
You fuck, You fuck people's heads up.
No, no, not at all!!
Yes you do, you fuck people's head up. I don't wanna touch your head. I just saw -
You do. You called me a balding ginger, you called me a douche. Well, I -
You told me to stand still.
You're an asshole. -Laughs- No, no.
Dude, dude, dude.
No, no, wait, come back, come back!
Come back! Asshole! Come back, asshole!
[Woman squealing and laughing]
Have you ever kissed a girl before?
Girl: Of course. I kiss girls all the time.
We're gonna kiss a girl right now. Slut. Do it.
-Woman laughing- I love you.
[Murmuring] Now me. Make her do it on me. -Kissing noises-
Bleeeeeaaaarrrrggghhhhhh.