(Twilight) Hey chump, I hear you need some inane favor.
(Rainbow Dash) Uh, yeah, Twilight could you please hack "Trixie Variety Show" for me?
(Twilight) Do What Now?
(Rainbow Dash) It's a website where they show videos that Trixie likes and a lot of ponies go there
And I want ponies to see my videos, so please hack them.
(Twilight) Ok, there are a number of problems with your brilliant plan, and one of them is that I don't know how to hack computers.
(Rainbow Dash) But I thought you knew Linux!
(Twilight) I don't.
(Rainbow Dash) But it's okay! I bought a book!
And you can read it and use your brain to learn how!
(Twilight) Another problem is that I don't care!
(Rainbow Dash) Man, friggin "Trixie Variety Show" keeps putting my videos into footnote updates which they call "Roundups",
(Rainbow Dash) And sometimes that's only after I pester them.
(Rainbow Dash) One of them told me in an email that he thought my videos were boring, played-out stories that no one wants to hear again!
(Twilight) Well, it sounds like they don't care either, so the circle is complete.
(Rainbow Dash) Darn it, I've got my own songs, a lengthy script with over 250 lines of dialogue,
(Rainbow Dash) Several voice actors and the entire thing is hand-drawn and edited frame by over 1000 frames!
(Rainbow Dash) Seriously! I had more than 1000 pictures in this folder, BUT THEY SAID THEY'RE NOT GONNA TOUCH IT!
(Twilight) Well, if they let everyone get by on that amount of effort, I'd imagine they'd be buried in thousands of submissions doing the exact same thing.
(Twilight) They, gotta set standards.
(Rainbow Dash) Some guy named "Alclop Pones" made it to the media page by doing a half-assed one minute voiceover of a scene from Peter Pan.
(Rainbow Dash) And another user made it to the media page by adding the chorus "Space Jam" to that.
(Twilight) Why do you want this on this website again?
(Rainbow Dash) I NEED TO BE LOVED!
(Twilight) Okay, look.
(Twilight) It's obvious that the video submission is run fairly unprofessionally,
(Twilight) So if anything, your videos are being bounced or shuffled aside because the guys in charge have a prejudice against
(Twilight) whatever it is you're reading.
(Twilight) So since they're probably not really watching the video to verify quality,
(Twilight) I figure you should just change the title to something else.
(Rainbow Dash) Would I get in trouble for that?
(Twilight) I dunno.
[mmps mmmps, mmmps, mmmps, dat music]
(RD)Rainbow Dash Presents: Captain Hook the Biker Gorilla
(RD) "(Secretly it's Rainbow Factory!)"
(RD) Also, check out my new fireplace!
(Apple Bloom) This is kinda a long intro, here.
(RD) Yeah I know! It's a long video!
[Fade to Black]
(RD) It's a bright, springtime day in Cloudsdale!
The weather is predictably perfect and the reason is because
Today is the day of the Pegasus' exams for all the little fillies and colts.
Scootaloo, you've just turned old enough to take your test.
You woke up feeling a little nervous, but after barfing once you feel a lot better!
(Apple Bloom) That's gross.
(RD) Applebloom and Sweetie Belle are here for moral support!
They decided to come along after seeing how weary you were,
so they're tied to your tail and some balloon so they won't fall down.
(Thrakerzod) THE STRING IS CHAFFING ME.
THAT IS NORMAL.
(Scootaloo) Don't worry, baby. I know juust the thing to soothe those rubbin' burns.
HOO!
(RD) So you go out there and you sign a couple waivers, and then you wait in line.
Standing next to you is a little colt.
(Scootaloo) Hey there handsome, I like your hair. Does the carpet match the drapes?
(Little Colt) IIII don't knooooww...
(Scootaloo) Mine doooes!
(Little Colt) I'm Orion, Orion Comet. You can call me OC for short!
(Scootaloo) I'm-
HOO!
Scootaloo and these are my friends, Applebloom and Thrackerzod!
(Thrackerzod) I AM A REGULAR, MAGICAL UNICORN.
(Apple Bloom) I like your wings.
(OC) I've seen an earth pony in Cloudsdale before! Are they taking the exam?
(SC) No, they're just here to WATCH MAH ASS!
HOOAAH!
(RD) There's like some kind of instructor there named Miss Blossomforth.
She looks a lot like Cheerilee except with wings, and she's a totally different color.
(Blossomforth) Students, stop your chattiness, we have work today!
I have a test to administer and it WILL not be postponed!
Now continue to stand in a disorganized line, I will call your names in alphabetical order so-
YOU!
ARE YOU CHEWING GUM?!
Spit it out!
(Derpy) PEW!
(Blossomforth) Now, I will call your names, and our judges will determine if you have passed the exam.
However, I must warn you, there are many ways to fail.
If you fly too far west, you will fail.
If you drop below the cloud layer, you will fail.
If you perform the exam in reverse! You will fail!
(SC) But what if we opt out of taking the test?
(Blossomforth) The exam is offered again in the fall.
And upon that exam, you will fail.
(SC) But what if we finish too fast?
(BF) Then you will fail!
(SC) And what if we pass?
(BF) Then you exit the educational system, and that is a world an educator is frowned upon to understand.
I KNOW NOT WHAT WILL HAPPEN.
(SC) So, we don't have to go to school anymore?
(BF) I assume yes! Though I dare not contemplate the consequences...
(SC) Sweet! Now I want that one!
(RD) You guys all get ready and Miss Blossomforth calls out some names.
The first one is some little filly named Aurora.
(OC) I heard she has pony AIDS.
(BF) YOU THERE. DO NOT TALK DURING THE EXAM.
(RD) Aurora starts with the test, but pretty much right away she breaks one wing,
dislocates the other,
and chips FOUR TEETH.
She does all of this during freefall, which I'm pretty sure was impossible beforehand.
(OC) Somebody must help that pony!
[sneak!]
(TZ) I DO NOT THINK THAT PONY CAN BE HELPED.
(BF) Are you passing notes!?
[!]
If you are caught passing notes during the exam, then you are failed!
(OC) But I wasn't passing anything that had to do with the exam!
(BF) This is an educational system,
And the system DOES not have time to differentiate between good and bad note passing!
Go to the Gate of Shame™ with Aurora, NOOOOWWW!
(Apple Bloom) I guess he's not passing anything that has to do with the exam.
[ba dum tiss!]
(RD) O.C. goes to the Gates of Shame™, and your name comes up next, Scootaloo.
(SC) Here, hold these, guys. Hold 'em tight.
(AB) Wait! I have an idea!
What if we help with your exam?
(SC) Well that's brilliant, baby, but I'm not sure I can
Seduce Miss Blossomforth well enough for the judges to allow it, sugarpie.
(BF) The rules say "No pegasus may receive assistance from another pegasus."
"Or a bizarro pegasus."
The system does not have time to understand it's own intent.
So, you are permitted to receive help from your friends.
However, if they turn out to be secret pegasi, then you will be failed.
(SC) Alright, let's show them the superiority of a threesome!
HOOAAH!
(AB) We're gonna ace this test!
(TZ) YOUR WORDS ARE STUPID, BUT I MUST AGREE WITH THE GROUP.
(SC) Well, the entire test is just a physical exam so with two other ponies tied to you,
You basically bombed the timed cloud-kicking exercise,
Applebloom gets tangled up in the hoops during agility section,
And the extra weight causes you fall right through the cloud floor during the freefall portion.
The judges... kinda fail you with a vengeance.
(SC) Wait! I want a do-over!
I had an unfair handicap and then I had TWO fillies ridin' me the WHOLE TIME.
HOO!
(BF) The educational system does not have time to understand the difference between a normal, unencumbered pony,
And a pony that has other ponies tied to her.
If this exam were fair, it would take ALL DAY.
Now, go to the Gates of Shame™.
(RD) No amount of logic or reasoning could persuade the educational system, you guys.
You've got no other choice but to go to the Gates of Shame™ with Aurora and Orion.
(TZ) NO. I WANT TO GO TO THE OTHER PONIES.
THERE ARE MORE OF THEM.
(RD) Waiting for you there is pretty much the CREEPIEST pony you've ever seen.
It looks like somebody cooked bacon in his hair this morning.
He's got the kind of facial scruff you'd use to scrap crud out of dishes that you left out for like, THE MONTH.
He's got a beat-up old van with no engine in it and you can only assume that he pulls it himself
From Elementary school to Elementary school on the weekdays.
(OC) I will not stand for this kind of humiliation!
(TZ) NOBODY IS HUMILIATING YOU.
(AB) Yeah, you're not being humiliated, Orion.
(TZ) IT'S TRUE. NOW YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT.
(OC) Well, NOW I'm being humiliated, and I will not stand for THIS kind of humiliation!
(Creepy Pony) MY NAME IS DAZZLER.
AND ZIS IS MY CAT.
HE PAYS ZE BILLS
BUT I HAVE RIGHTS TOO!
GET.
IN.
MY.
VAN!!!
(Aurora) Uhm, my wing is broken...
[crack]
Like, really, really bad.
(Dazzler) OKAY!
GET-IN-ZE-VAN.
(AU) I was sorta hoping for some... medical attention?
(DZ) NIEN!
(OC) I will not stand for this maltreatment!
(DZ) FINE, GET IN ZE VAN.
ZE CAT IS A DOCTOR.
[...]
HOW DO YOU THINK HE PAYS ZE RENT?!
(RD) Aurora climbs in the van and the cat follows afterwards.
Dazzler pops the hood of his van and pulls out some clipboards and stuff.
(DZ) HERE.
FILL OUT ZIS MEDICAL PAPERWORK AND BE SURE TO LIST ANY
PREEXISTING CONDITIONS OR MEDICATION ALLERGIES.
PLEASE HAND ME YOUR INSURANCE INFORMATION WHEN YOU RETURN ZE FORMS.
(OC) She has pony AIDS.
(RD) You guys fill out the confusing paperwork as best you can
And after a while the cat comes out and Dazzler ushers you into the back of the van.
The entire process uses kinda a lot of unnecessary physical contact.
The inside of the van smells like burnt cheese and mouthwash and the only thing in there is like a billion Parasprite™ cans.
It looks like Aurora is all better, though. Or at least in one piece.
That cat is a friggin' miracle worker, granted with a complete lack of medical equipment.
The van starts moving, where you're going you have NO IDEA!
But you get the feeling that it's gonna be kinda a long trip.
(AB) Soo.....
(TZ) I HEAR YOU HAVE PONY AIDS.
DO ANY OF THE REST OF US HAVE PONY AIDS?
[snap, crackle, pop!]
(RD) Wherever Dazzler is taking you, his route is totally indirect.
He's driving ALL OVER Cloudsdale. He stops to the drive-thru at the bank...
(DZ) JUST BECAUSE ZE CAT PAYS ZE RENT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T HAVE RIGHTS!
AND I WOULD LIKE TO DEPOSIT A CHECK.
ZE CAT CAN'T STOP ME!
(RD) He goes to the drive-thru at McSoy's...
(DZ) I WOULD LIKE A DOUBLE HAPPY.
(Drive-Thru Guy) Sir, you can have a double happy GET THE HELL OUT OF MY DRIVE-THRU.
(RD) He drops you off at the hardware store and leaves you there for like an hour.
When he comes back he smells like fish.
Basically, he takes you all over town, then he finally drives you guys to the weather factory in Cloudsdale.
A pair of stallions approach the van.
They're wearing gym clothes and Mexican masks to hide their MYSTERIOUS IDENTITY.
(Masked Pony #1) Hey, Dazzler!
(DZ) ZERE'S NOZIN HAY ABOUT IT.
(MP #2) So, uh... These kids...
They're from the actual exam this time, right?
(DZ) ZE ONLY THING I HATE MORE ZAN CHILDREN
IS CHILDREN ON SKATEBOARDS
(MP #1) Okay. C'mon kids, let's let Dazzler go back to his grown-up stuff.
We've got a lot of work today.
(RD) You guys pile out of the van and follow the two masked ponies inside the weather building.
In the reception room, a white pony in a bright purple suit is there waiting.
(White Pony) Hey, kids! Welcome to the Rainbow Factory™!
It's like Willy Wonka™ in here!
(AU) Wait, one feels a dream minute...
Our... punishment for failing our exam is we have to take a tour of the Rainbow Factory with a crazy pony?
(SC) Quick! Which one of us is the fat kid, baby?
I call not it!
(TZ) I WANT TO BE AN OOMPA LOOMPA.
TAKE ME TO THEM SO THE DEED MAY BE DONE.
(AB) Nose-goes is the fat kid!
(AU) Aauwgh... I don't even like chocolate!
(SC) Too bad, fatty!
(OC) I am morally outraged with this "fat kid" thing, and in love with Scootaloo!
[beat]
What? Cut me some slack! She looks like my mom, okay?
(White Pony) See? We are all having fun!
You don't need to run away through the cloud floor
or through the walls or anything!
You're not gonna be ground up into rainbows!
Heh heh, and not a silly thing to think is gonna happen, ya know?
I don't even know!
[shifty eyes...]
Wet wipes-
(TZ) NOTICE THEM YAWNING! THEY'RE GOING TO GRIND US IN TO RAINBOWS!!
(OC) Okay, now that's morally outrageous, right? Somebody is with me, aren't they?
I'm starting to get a little frustrated over here!
(AB) Cut it out you two, she just said we WEREN'T gonna be grinded up into rainbows.
(AU) Yeah that's kinda rude...uh...Orion...
(OC) YOUR THE FAT KID!!!
[snap]
(TZ) WOW. YOU ARE SUCH A JERK.
(SL) That was just rude, baby.
(AB) It's ok Aurora.
You ain't fat.
[AU Speaking Incoherently]
What did she ever do to you, huh?
(OC) But--
(White Pony) Ok kids! The time for ridicule is over!
I've got a super fun thing for you!
Its a waver form!
It's like a maze or connect the dots but with a signature.
You just write your little names here.
And then we are going on a magical tour.
(TZ) WAIT. DOESN'T WILLY WONKA KILL ALL THE CHILDREN?
(WP) Okay, heh. That's a good point.
Okay. I'm not Willy Wonka no more.
I am Polko the Clown.
See! You can trust Polko!
She's safe with kids.
(TZ) I DECLARE THAT THIS CANNOT GO WRONG!
(AB) Well if Thrakerzod trusts the situation, then so do I.
(RD) So you guys sign your wavers,
and follow Polko the Clown on a tour of the factory.
Which ends in a gigantic room made out of fluffy clouds.
There's like a hundred other kids here too though.
Some of them have the sniffles,
or a broken wing.
There's like one kid who has a magical glandular problem,
and his butt's like fallen through the floor.
He'd make a pretty terrible weather pony.
There's also a big machine in here,
and it looks like about six ponies in
Mexican wrestler masks and sweat clothes are watching it.
There's cookies and punch by the door.
Polko flies off.
She says she's got to talk to her boss,
and that there's cookies and punch by the door.
(TZ) WHAT IS THE MACHINE FOR?
(RD) Nothing...
(SL) So...Orion. You love you some--
HOO!
Scootaloo. Do ya?
(OC) Um...well maybe LOVE isn't the right word.
(SL) Well baby, the sky is like a big ocean.
And I'm your little love anemone.
(OC) I thought sea anemones reproduced asexually.
(SL) Not this sea anemone, my hunkalicious manatee.
(OC) It's just what my mom would say...
I don't try to understand the fillies in my life,
I just enjoy their company.
(AU) My mom was really good at embroidery.
(AB) Y'all should be a tuna.
'Cause they're the chickens of the sea.
(RD) Suddenly, everyone goes quiet.
And their attention turns to
the most awesome supervisor in the world.
Who has just stepped on the balcony above you.
She's got her mask on backwards again,
but she was in a hurry because she was late.
So...you know.
But you can just tell that she's the fastest supervisor
in Equestria.
She can't breathe or anything so she takes off her mask
so she can turn it around and...
OMGOSH!!! IT'S RAINBOW DASH!!!
She's so awesome!!
(AB) Hi Rainbow Dash!!
(RD) Well hey guys! How's it going?
(SL) We're ok baby, how about you?
Wanna meet my new boyfriend?
(RD) Yeah sure! I'll come right down!
(Polko the Clown) Hey boss! Uh...aren't we supposed to...uh...you know?
(RD) Uh...yeah about that...
I was thinking that maybe...you know...
I'm really tired today, and the kids just got here.
And there's cookies and punch by the door.
And I brought my stereo.
So...instead of doing the thing
that we normally do...
Uh...maybe...we could have a
Pizza Party!!!
(PtheC) Okay. First thing;
we can't afford that many pizzas.
Second thing;
the only reason we afford anything at all
is because someone is paying us
to do a job!!
(RD) WELL IT'S A SUCKY JOB!!!
(AB) Hey rainbow dash.
(RD) Hey Apple Bloom.
(AB) How come you're wearing a wrestler mask?
(RD) Oh! Well it's the dress code that we have to wear a mask.
'Cause this whole factory thing is like a secret conspiracy
except moral was really low because
all we did was secretly grind ponies into
other rainbows.
So I thought it would really help everyone
to do "Crazy tight mondays",
and "Casual Fridays".
But they still have to wear the masks,
but the WRESTLER masks are individual.
So everyone gets to feel like they're
recognized and important.
(AB) That's really nice...
(RD) I've only been working here for 3 days,
but I'm already like the best supervisor.
(AB) Um...what was that part about the rainbows
and the grinding again?
(RD) Oh...
(PC) MAN YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM!!
THEY DON'T CALL IT A CONSPIRACY
BECAUSE YOU ANNOUNCE IT TO A ROOM
OF 100 CHILDREN!!
NOW I DRESSED UP LIKE WILLY WONKA
AND A CLOWN FOR NOTHING!!!
(OC) See! Outrage!! Totally justified!!!
(AU) WE'RE GONNA BE GROUNDED UP INTO RAINBOWS!!
(RD) No!! There's punch and cookies by the door.
No rainbows!!
Pizza Party!!!
(SL) You've been grinding up ponies, baby?
Are you sure you don't mean grinding up ON ponies?
HOO!
(RD) NO! I HAVEN'T DONE ANY GRINDING!!
On the first day, I locked myself in the bathroom,
and I was all like:
No! No-- the bathroom is occupied!!!
You can't come in-- you can't make me go out of there!!
You didn't tell me it was going to be little children!!
(...rainbow babble...)
And they had to break down the door,
and drag me outta there, and the sent me home after
On the second day, they had the key so they didn't have to break anything down.
And today's the third day, and we've earned a break
and we should have a pizza party!!!
There's cookies and punch by the door.
(AB) Well what's the point?
(RD) Okay. There's a really good reason for this,
and I can totally explain.
...maybe over some pizza?
(PC) No...
(OC) There's no good reason for us to be ground into rainbows.
(TZ) I AM A NORMAL PONY.
AND AS SUCH I DESIRE A NORMAL EXPLANATION,
IN DETAIL...OF THE RITUAL SACRIFICE OF CHILDREN.
(PC looks at RD)
(RD) Who...me?
(PC) You're the one who told them in the first place!
(RD) Um...ok, give me a second.
click
[cue funky techno music]
[ ❤ doo doo doo ❤ ]
♬ You will be turned into rainbows ♬
♬ Everyone will be so happy ♬
♬ You'll be gone, but that's okay ♬
♬ Oh hey, cheer up! It's not that crappy. ♬
♬ If you assume it your life goal ♬
♬ to convert into a rainbow. ♬
♬ You'd dare not be dissappointed, ♬
♬ once I stuff you into this hole. ♬
♬ This is where we take your taxes, ♬
♬ Where we make the weather wanted. ♬
♬ We're not chemists, so don't ask us ♬
♬ how this method got so vaunted. ♬
♬ This job does not need a degree, ♬
♬ That is how they got stuck with me. ♬
♬ I need this for healthcare, you see. ♬
♬ So I can afford therapy! ♬
[ ❤ doo doo doo ❤ ]
(PC) Man, there is a good reason, but that don't tell them nothing!
(RD) What do you mean? I need the friggin' health benefits.
(PC) That's it?! What about the history??
(RD) The history is that I'm not going back to eleven twenty-five an hour,
because I eat too much fast food,and it's really hard to pay my bills...
[awkward silence]
Okay, I'll admit that they usually say you should do it for the love of the job
and not the money, but the economy is really rough right now,
and this is the best I could get.
(PC) You know what? Forget you! I'm gonna' explain it Losino style! Listen up kids!
♬ Let's go back to a thousand years ago. ♬
♬ Everything you know is owned by Celestia ♬
♬ The tiny blade of grass that fed on the sun. ♬
♬ The tiny grasshopper that fed on the grass. ♬
♬ The snake in the grass that fed on the grasshopper. ♬
♬ And the holy evil government owned by Celestia. ♬
♬ All things trod beneath an iron hoof. ♬
♬ United, provided, divided by Celestia. ♬
♬ All hailed humbly to the mighty god. ♬
♬ Until one day ♬
♬Then...came...the war!!!♬
[musical guitar music]
♬ Nightmare Moon swept from the sky ♬
♬ lasers from her eyes and teeth like knives. ♬
♬ The power of our god was simply not enough ♬
♬ to overcome....her sister! ♬
♬ The one had sacrificed a piece of her mind ♬
♬ to the dark gods for deeds unkind! ♬
♬ Hope seemed lost, until the time ♬
♬ Celestia....developed....a plan! ♬
♬ pitch one power to retain the rest! ♬
♬ Sacrifice in turn was the gist. ♬
♬ With so many, what was one? ♬
♬ This foul war MUST BE DONE!!! ♬
♬ It must be something she could do without. ♬
♬ A superfluous power she could leave out. ♬
♬ She purveyed them all, and made her decision. ♬
♬ She rested her choice, her prismatic precision. ♬
♬ No more rainbows was her decree! ♬
♬ Equestria's ponies would pay this fee! ♬
♬ But petty politics sought another route! ♬
♬ The electorate could not do without! ♬
♬ So the duty fell to the pegasi, ♬
♬ And when they found the solution, ♬
♬ they began to cry. ♬
OHHH NOOO!!!!
♬ We can't procure pigments without grinding our youth. ♬
♬ Into a fine mist of color, and that is the truth! ♬
♬ But our pleas for reprieve fell upon deaf ears! ♬
♬ And the exit polls showed our greatest fears. ♬
♬ We must make rainbows, there wasn't a choice! ♬
♬ The boneheads and mud ponies smothered our voice! ♬
♬ And so... ♬
♬ We built... ♬
♬ A machiiiiinnneee!!! ♬
[dramatic pause]
(TZ) YOUR PLANS ARE INTERESTING.
BUT I THINK THEY MAY BE IMPROVED UPON.
FOR EXAMPLE, PERHAPS WE MIGHT INSCRIBE
CERTAIN WORDS ON THE MACHINE WHEN THE
CHILDREN ARE SACRIFICED.
(RD) Aww... see? What a great kid! She's so helpful!
We should throw a pizza party!
(PC) No way! If we don't do this now, it's gonna be us in that thing!
Bring one of those kids up!
(RD) Oh...I dunno. Maybe we should sing another song...
(PC) WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ANOTHER SONG!!!
We'll sing tomorrow, now just hurry up and do what's gotta be done!
(RD) OKAY!!!!
Okay... Orion. Now you just sit here, al-alright...
(PC) Come on!!!!
(RD crying) Um-okay... so we discovered...
that for whatever reason...
the rainbow process works better if you're holding a puppy.
So...here's a puppy.
I...I named him "Mr. Snuffles" because of the way he tickles my neck.
And...and also, it works better if you hold a picture of your family.
So...here's a nice picture we got of your parents, wishing you good luck on the exam.
And also--also it works better if you have a box of crayons.
So that yo--so that you can color...
when you go to pony HEAVEN!! [sob... (ಥ﹏ಥ) ]
(PC) Man, get over it!!
After a few of these it's like nothing!
Sure you stay up late at night, thinking about
how your family will think of you.
You wonder what pony hell is gonna be like.
But, other than that it's no big deal
(RD) NO!!!
(PC) Come on man!!
(RD) WAIT!! I'M NOT READY!!
(AB) I think maybe we should escape.
(TZ) THAT PONY IS GOING TO BE SACRIFICED!
OH, I'M GOING TO UTTER A PRAYER SO HARD.
[pause]
I MEAN, YES WE--UM--YEAH WE SHOULD ESCAPE.
(AU) But how are we going to escape?
My wing is broken so I can't fly!
(SL) She makes a good point, baby.
We are surrounded by an impenetrable prison of fluffy clouds.
And a hundred of us unrestrained children are being guarded
by no less than six colorful winged ponies!!
Surely nothing could more terrifying.
(AB) We need to devise an extraordinary plan!!
(TZ) NO.
I'M SURE A REGULAR PLAN WILL BE JUST FINE.
(AU) Maybe we can tell everyone to
follow the secrets from the exam from earlier,
and each secret will be a code for a particular kind of attack!
(TZ) OH, I'M SORRY. YOU MEAN THE EXAM THAT EVERYONE
IN THIS ROOM WAS TOO MENTALLY DEFICIENT TO PASS?
(AB) We need to think of a distraction.
(SL) HEY EVERYONE!!
LOOK AT SCOOTALOO DANCE!!
(AB) WE NEED TO THINK OF A DISTRACTION THAT DOESN'T
DRAW ATTENTION TO US!!!!
(AU) OH MY GOD THEIR GOING TO GRIND US INTO
RAINBOWS!!!!
[pause]
EVERYBODY PANIC!!
[cue panic noises]
(RD) Oh My Gosh. Wait guys!
We--we don't have to get violent!!
We can still have a
Pizza Party!!
There's punch and cookies by the door!!
(AB) Good work Aurora!!
Now everyone run!
[runs to door]
IT'S LOCKED! AND MADE OF CLOUDS!! WHAT DO WE DO?
[cue Thrakerzod #2!!]
(AB) Did y'all just come from over there?
(TZ #2) YES.
I HAVE TRAVERSED THE PLANE OF
THE RAINBOW FACTORY.
(SL) Tell us how to boogie on outta here baby!!
(TZ) VERY WELL.
YOU CAN START BY RUNNING UP THE STAIRS,
TO THE CRYPT.
GRAB THE BOOK FROM THE SKELETONS,
AND PASS INTO THE PIT OF THE PENDULUM.
KNOCK OVER THE COLUMN,
AND CLIMB INTO THE KING'S STOREROOM!!
SMASH THE CLAY POTS TO FIND THE KEY,
TO LEAD YOU INTO THE CHAMBER OF THE SECRET MARKERS!!
MATCH THE SYMBOLS ON THE RIGHT TO THOSE ON THE LEFT,
AND PASS INTO THE ROOM OF
THE ANCIENT WARRIORS!!
PLACE YOURSELF IN THE CORRECT ARMOR,
AND OPEN THE DOOR TO THE
SHRINE OF THE SILVER MONKEY.
ASSEMBLE THE STATUE, AND YOU MAY BE HEADED TO THE
ROOM OF THE SECRET PASSWORD!!
FIND THE TABLET WITH THE CORRECT INSCRIPTION
AND SHOUT IT TO OPEN THE DOOR TO THE
PHARAOH'S SECRET PASSAGE!!
SLIDE DOWN THE TUNNEL, TO THE
QUICKSAND BOUGH, WHERE YOU CAN SMASH THROUGH TO
THE DARK FOREST!!
BUT BEWARE OF THE TEMPLE GUARDS
WHICH MAY INHABIT THE TREES.
FIND THE KEY IN THE TREE, AND YOU'LL ENTER
THE JESTER'S COURT!!
PRESS YOURSELF AGAINST THE CORRECT WALL
PAINTING, AND YOU'LL GAIN ENTRY TO
THE TOMB OF THE HEADLESS KINGS!!
PULL THE VINES TO RELEASE THEIR BONES.
AND ATTACH THE MISSING SKULLS TO THE
PROPER KING.
THEN RACE THROUGH THE VENT,
CLIMB THROUGH THE LEDGES,
RACE DOWN THE STAIRS,
AND BACK THROUGH THE TEMPLE GATE.
THE CHOICES ARE YOURS AND YOURS ALONE!!
(AU) You guys, go ahead!
I will wait here and violently rage a war between
Rainbow Dash.
(AB) 'Kay, bye!!
(RD) Hey kid! Did Apple Bloom and her friends [snap] go that way?
Oh my gosh!! I'm so sorry!!
I--um--uh--here.
(RD narrates) So you guys do really well!
You make it all the way to the room of the Silver Monkey.
(AB) I'm trying to force it, but it won't go!!
(TZ & TZ) THE HEAD IS BACKWARDS.
(SL) Try jiggling it around!
(TZ & TZ) THE HEAD IS BACKWARDS.
(AB) Maybe it's broken...
(TZ & TZ) THE HEAD IS BACKWARDS!!!
(RD) Then you get grabbed by temple guards.
They take you to the main factory,
where everyone has calmed down now,
and they're enjoying the punch and cookies.
You don't know how that came to pass,
but they do look like good cookies...
[ BLAM!!!! ]
(AB) RUN THRACKERZOD!! HELP US!!!
[ ANOTHER BLAM!!! ]
(AB) How long before you think y'all come back?
(TZ) I ALREADY OPENED THE DOOR FOR YOU AND GAVE YOU DIRECTIONS.
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?
(RD) The temple guards leave you at the top of the Rainbow Machine,
where Orion is still sitting with his puppy and stuff.
Dash has cleverly taped an out of order sign
to the operating lever on the thing,
so the day is probably saved.
(PC) Very funny man.
I'm the factory engineer.
I think I'd know if the machine was broken down.
(RD) You don't know!! You didn't check it first.
We have to close down for maintenance!!
(PC) Alright boss, I know your new, and this is hard.
Look, I'll tell you what.
How 'bout we take the kid and the puppy off the machine.
And we just do a practice run, ok?
(RD) Okay...
(PC) Now come over here, and pull the lever, man.
(RD) Right...the lever...uh which part was that again?
I THINK I SHOULD GO TO THE BATHROOM
AND CHECK THE MANUAL.
REALLY LOUDLY!
(PC) The bathroom doesn't have locks anymore.
(RD) That's ok!
(PC) Look, I'll show you. It's not so bad, see?
(RD) Polko the Engineer Clown pulls the lever.
The crayons and a picture of Orion's family
fall into the hole and disappear into a pit of wiring blades.
After some silly noises a stream of colorful rainbows
flows out of the bottom of the machine and into a giant vat.
(PC) Did--di--did that thing just make rainbows.
(RD) Yeah... That's what it's supposed to do right?
(PC) Out of crayons and a picture of a family?
Are you kidding me?!?
We don't even need a kid?
(RD) Um... I guess so.
(PC) Quick!! Put another picture of a kid's family on there!!
(RD) We do, and sure enough the machine produces
another batch of rainbows.
(PC) Aw man...I can't believe we're going to
pony hell for nothing.
(RD) So given the new circumstances,
you guys and all the other kids go home
to your families.
Where you're allowed to take happy pictures,
that are then fed into a horrible machine
for the nefarious purposes of the government.
Also politicians celebrate by lowering taxes for the rich.
Yay government!!
So...
The End!
Subtitles Created/edited By: @yahooeny--Enoch Kim 暉庭 王 musickat2199--Laurel
We apologize for any mistakes and other things we did wrong when subtitling the video.
But if we did good, tell us in the comments!!!
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