CBS’s hit sitcom The Big Bang Theory delights in poking fun at its male characters
for their fanboy obsessions with comic books, video games, and…
“Dungeons & Dragons!”
Often the punchlines aren’t really jokes per se. Instead laughs are derived by simply
referencing something that sounds vaguely nerdy.
Sheldon: "Did you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space 9, Star Trek
the Original Series Trouble with Tribbles crossover episode?"
I suspect this is one of reasons why so many people involved in geek subcultures
tend to dislike the show so much. It’s essentially one long joke at their expense.
But I’d argue here’s something more pernicious going on just under the surface.
Leonard: "So it's cool if I cry a little?"
Penny: "Yeah, I probably wouldn't." Leonard: "Yeah..."
Beyond its general mocking of geekdom, the show is relentless in making fun of
its male characters for not living up to traditional expectations of manhood.
On the surface it might seem like these nerdy nice guys represent a welcome
alternative to the macho archetypes that we've all come to expect from Hollywood.
But on closer inspection we find that, despite their status as nerdy outsiders,
these guys are still complicit in many of the most destructive aspects of toxic masculinity.
Leonard: "Yes, but our society has undergone a paradigm shift. In the information age, Sheldon,
you and I are the alpha males. We shouldn't have to back down.
I'm going to assert my dominance face to face."
In my previous video essay about the Adorkable Misogynist trope I discussed
the creepy, entitled and often sexist ways in which these geeky guys treat women.
Howard: "Get it? They're laughing. We're laughing. Then we get them up to about
.15 blood alcohol level, and tell them we're millionaires."
But I think it’s also worth examining how they treat each other...
Raj: "The first thing we need is a theme. I'm thinking...turn of the century Moulin Rouge."
Leonard: "I'm thinking you need a testosterone patch."
...and by extension how the show’s writers end up reinforcing a whole bunch of
regressive ideas about what it means to be a “real man.”
Leonard: "Beer, wings, sliders. We can watch the football game. I even painted my stomach."
There's a running gag on the show about how Leonard doesn't understand sports or
other activities that are stereotypically associated with men.
Penny: "Go sports?"
Leonard: "Well, in case you were in the mood for baseball, I didn't want to look ridiculous"
Leonard: "Go, go, go, YES! Are you people watching this? Is this amazing or what?!"
Penny: "Sweetie, that's a highlight from the '98 championship game."
Leonard: "Oh. I did not know that."
The joke relies on the assumption that all men are supposed to like sports,
and therefore it's inherently funny and absurd if a guy doesn't.
Now sitcoms are, of course, supposed to be funny
but as with all comedy, it's important to ask: Who are we meant to laugh with?
And who are we meant to laugh at?
Howard: "Hey."
Notice the laughter in this scene stems almost entirely from seeing Howard
wearing an apron.
Raj: "What's with the gloves?"
Howard: "They complete my ensemble. What do you want?"
The humor relies on the sexist idea that domestic tasks like cooking and cleaning
are women's work, and therefore, Howard's masculinity is somehow diminished by
being forced to clean the house. This reductive mix of sexism and emasculation
is really at the heart of the show's comedic formula.
Sheldon: "When I fail to open this jar, and you succeed, it will establish you as the
alpha male. I'm not strong enough, Leonard, You'll have to do it."
Sheldon: "Go ahead. It's pre-loosened."
Notice that these jokes aren't designed to challenge or subvert the limiting and
often toxic ideas about what it means to be a "real man."
"Do you want some help with that?" Leonard: "No, no, no."
Instead, the punchlines reinforce this notion that guys who aren't physically strong,
tough, or athletic are unmanly.
Leonard: "That's enough cardio for me. I'm gonna stretch out before I hit the weights."
And therefore worthy of ridicule.
Howard: "Hold on. Pause. Something doesn't make sense."
In order to move forward in this discussion, we're going to have to get academic just
for a minute, and very quickly define a couple of terms. Those are
Hegemonic Masculinity and Hypermasculinity.
Hegemonic Masculinity is a term that's used to describe the socially constructed ideal
of manhood. It's characterized by things like physical strength, aggression, domination,
suppression of emotions, and heterosexuality.
The ideal varies somewhat based on factors like geography, but here I'm
concerned with white Western manhood as shaped by Hollywood. For obvious examples
think of Conan the Barbarian, James Bond, or Captain America.
All the guys on the Big Bang Theory are depicted as embodying the exact opposite
of that Hegemonic ideal.
Howard (gravelly voice): "I'm Batman."
So much so, that simply seeing them dress up as their favorite superhero is
in and of itself a punchine.
Howard: "Ow!...I mean [gravelly] Ow."
The important thing to understand about this manhood ideal is that it's a fiction.
It only really exists in the cultural imagination. Which means that men can
never really actually achieve it.
However, it's still a standard against which men are held and compared.
The social expectations and pressures on men to try to achieve some version of it is real
as is the social status either lost or gained based on a man's perceived proximity to
that ideal.
The term Hypermasculinity is a little different.
It refers to the set of attitudes and behaviors associated with the pursuit of that
Hegemonic ideal.
Hypermasculinity includes things like aggressive competition,
sexual conquest, and destructive or risk taking behaviors like fighting,
reckless driving, or heavy drinking.
Hypermasculinity is also obsessively anti-feminine.
Now keep that in mind because it's going to be imporant a little later.
Hypermasculine behaviors are how men are taught to perform their manhood, to prove
that they are closer to that fictional ideal than the other men around them.
Leonard: "Oh no!"
The four geeks on the Big Bang Theory are shown constantly attempting to perform
some version of hypermasculinity.
Sheldon: "Now prepare yourself for what may come."
Wil Wheaton: "Oh Sheldon, do you really think we're going to fight?"
Their spectacular failures in their quest to prove their manhood then provides
the ironic hook behind much of the shows comedy.
Leonard: "I say this one time, instead of wimping out, let's be bad-asses!"
Raj: "Ok. I'll be a bad-ass, but only if you pinky-swear to be one too."
Now you'd think a bunch of geeks who are regularly derided for being unmanly would
be supportive of each other's insecurities.
And although there are fleeting moments of compassion between the four friends
they spend much of their time mocking and humiliating each other for not
living up to the manhood ideal.
Sheldon: "I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened."
Raj: "It's one of his best moves."
Sheldon: "I'm having female problems."
Leonard: "If you're cranky and retaining water, I have a theory."
Raj: "I have to talk to her about this."
Howard: "Geez, why do you girls always want to talk about things?"
This may seem a little counter-intuitive; why would nerds who are bullied for
not acting manly enough, then turn around and replicate that same behavior within
their own circles? Well, it's because one ways men learn to perform manhood...
Sheldon: "None shall pass."
...is by exerting power over others.
Remember when I said that one of the characteristics of Hypermasculinity was
an obsession with being anti-feminine?
Sheldon: "A girls' night? I don't know if I'm up for an evening talking about
rainbows, unicorns, and menstrual cramps."
Time and again we see the men on the show demeaning women and expressing a casual
distain for anything considered "girl stuff."
Howard: "Sex In the City? Yikes!"
Penny: "Hey, I happen to love this movie."
Howard: "Fine, let's watch it. Maybe all our periods with synchronize."
Anti-feminine attitudes are also connected to the ways that men police each other's
presentation of manhood.
Sheldon: "Because of your lactose intolerance you switched over to soy milk. Soy contains
estrogen-mimicking compounds. I think your morning Coco Puffs are turning you into a
hysterical woman."
Just so we're clear, when men insult and belittle other men by calling them women,
that is an extension of misogyny.
Leonard: "You're controlling, you're irritating..."
Sheldon: "There you go again: nag, nag, nag. You're only proving my point little lady."
Nowhere is this dynamic as clear as in the show's treatment of Raj.
Raj: "Edward's only pushing you away because he loves you."
Raj: "I've got everything we'll need for the big game: low-fat turkey jerky,
low-carb beer, 100 calorie snack packs."
Leonard: "Pick up a Y-chromosome while you were there? You might be short one."
Howard: "I won't be making fun of you or the things you like, or the fact that you
[singing] just wanna have fu-un."
In practically every episode over ten seasons, the other characters on the show
make fun of Raj for acting too much like a woman.
Raj: "It wasn't a pajama party. It was just a couple of bros hanging out, giggling,
eating cookie dough, and watching Princess Bride."
Howard: "Please stop talking."
As you might expect, the jokes targeting Raj for not being manly enough
are steeped in a thick layer of homophobia.
Howard: "Wow!"
Raj: "And that's not even the best part. See, I have one too."
Raj: "Check it out, you can wear yours and we can have little sword fights whenever we want."
The humor consistently codes Raj's more effeminate behaviors and interests as gay
and that's always the punchline.
Raj: "May I have a Grasshopper with a little umbrella, please?"
Howard: "No, you may not." Raj: "Why?"
Howard: "I'm not sitting here with a guy drinking a Grasshopper with a little umbrella."
Raj: "Fine. I'll have a chocolate martini."
Howard: " Wrong! Again!"
Raj is the only one of the four guys who after 230 episodes still doesn't have a
steady girlfriend.
Raj: "Do have any idea what it's like to be the only one without a girlfriend?"
Raj: "Even if I get one someday, I'll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper."
All the others have had their long-term partners join the main cast.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the character most ridiculed for being the
most unmanly in a group of men specifically coded to be unmanly, is also the only
man of color on the show.
And as such, Raj fits neatly into Hollywood's long-running tradition of mocking and
diminishing the sexuality of Asian men.
At times, Raj seems comfortable with his softer, more effeminate version of manhood.
TV: "Bridget Jones' Diary." Raj: "Oh my god, I'm crying already."
But the show and the other male characters are not, and they let Raj and us as the
audience know that there is something wrong with him for not being manly enough
every chance they get.
Leonard: "What's up? Howard: "Not his testosterone levels."
Raj: "Excuse me, I happen to very comfortable with my masculinity."
Howard: "How is that possible?"
In her 1995 book, Masculinities, RW Connell lays out the theory that there's not just
one form of masculinity, but rather many different forms of manhood that all exist
within a hierarchy.
The white heterosexual hypermasculine ideal is at the top of that hierarchy, and then all
other forms of masculinity are made subordinate to it.
Forms of manhood that are in any way associated with homosexuality
or femininity are pushed further down on the hierarchy.
Sam Spade: "When you're slapped, you'll take it and like it."
This hierarchical structure then creates a social system wherein men are encouraged
to compete with other men for status and dominance,
even within their own peer groups and subcultures.
Leonard: "You want some more?"
This is why even men who are bullied for not meeting the hypermasculine ideal
often feel the only way they can be seen as real men...
Howard: "Well, come on! Get up!" Leonard: "Stay down, bitch."
... is by diminishing someone else.
Raj: "I am Shiva the Destroyer. I will have the woman."
Howard: "I'm warning you, I was judo champion at math camp."
The relationship dynamics between Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, and Raj provides us with
a microcosm of how this hierarchy of masculinities works.
Raj: "Dude, I'm glad you finally got a girlfriend, but do you have to do all that
lovey-dovey stuff in front of those of us who don't?"
Sheldon: "Actually he might have to. There's an economic concept known as a
positional good, in which an object is only valued by the possessor because it's not
possessed by others."
Howard: "It's not true. My happiness is not dependent on my best friend being
miserable and alone." Raj: "Thank you."
Howard: "Although I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little bit of a perk."
Practically every aspect of their friendship from the personal to the professional
revolves around competition.
Leonard: "OW!"
Leonard: "Why'd you do that?"
Sheldon: "To send a message: she is not for you."
Raj: "Back off Sheldon." Sheldon: "What?"
Raj: "If you do not stop hitting on my lady, you will feel the full extent of my wrath."
Leonard: "Howard, relax. I am not interested in your girlfriend."
Howard: "I hope not because you don't want to mess with me."
Howard: "I'm crazy."
Leonard: "Do it."
In fact, their entire lives are defined by a never ending game of one-upmanship.
Sheldon: "Don't just stand there; take your breasts out."
On the Big Bang Theory, just like in the real world, women are often leveraged
as symbols of status within groups of male friends.
Penny: "What was that for?"
Leonard: "To show people when they don't believe me."
The show consistently frames manhood as something that's either reaffirmed or
diminished by the ability of the guys to "score" with women.
Howard: "Wow! Sex at work?"
Leonard: "Leave it alone. That's my girlfriend."
Howard: "Sorry." Leonard: "--who just had sex with me at work!"
Howard: "Damn, how'd you swing that?"
Leonard: "Two women at the same time? Nice job, player!"
Whenever any one of the four nerds doesn't have a girlfriend, the others will ridicule
him for it.
Howard: "Knock, knock." Leonard: "Who's there?"
Howard: "I have a girlfriend and you don't."
Sheldon: "I have a functioning and satisfying relationship with a female. You have none."
Under the narrow constraints of hypermasculinity, the only thing worse than
being unable to acquire a woman is being controlled by one.
Howard: "I downloaded an app that might be helpful in this situation."
[sound of a cracking whip]
Now the women on the show do occasionally join in with the ridicule.
Penny: "Alright, who's ready for another beer?"
Leonard: "I'm good." Raj: "No thank you."
Penny: "Girls."
But the vast majority of the put-downs of nerdy mend don't come from women
Sheldon's phone: [sound of cracking whip]
...they come from other men.
Sheldon: "Amy please. I am trying to figure out a way to intellectually emasculate a
dear friend of mine."
Raj: "Hey, while you you decide, who's better in bed: big hot Zack or
wheezy little Leonard?"
There is an unfortunate tendency in our culture to try to pin the blame for men's
emasculation on women, but most of the time the perpetrators are men who are
participating in this competition for dominance.
And in so doing, they become complicit in the very structures that harm and exclude them.
Penny: "You know for a group of guys who claim they spent most of their lives being
bullied, you can bee real jerks. Shame on all of you."
All this competitive and anti-feminine behavior is framed by the show as harmless,
as good-natured fun, as normal and natural and inevitable for men.
But the reality is that the social pressures that society places on men to engage
in this hypermasculine competition is anything but harmless.
It can be dangerous for men and for those around them,
both in terms of physical health and emotional well-being.
It makes it difficult if not impossible for straight men to be vulnerable and
caring with others, which in turn, makes it very hard to build close, supportive
friendships with women and with other men.
Sheldon: "That's quite a gesture on your part. You've shown yourself to be the bigger man."
Howard: "Thank you."
Sheldon: "Which I find totally unacceptable.
I must be the bigger man."
But unlike Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, and Raj, who are locked into a perpetual
competition by their writers, men in the real world have a choice.
We can choose to reject the battle for dominance, and instead embrace empathetic
and supportive forms of manhood.
Thanks so much for watching. If you like these long-form video essays about the
intersections of entertainment and masculinity, then please consider going
over to Patreon and helping to fund this project.
There's also a link to Paypal in the description below.
I will see you all again next month with another video essay.