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CBS’s hit sitcom The Big Bang Theory delights
in poking fun at its male characters

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for their fanboy obsessions with comic
books, video games, and…


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“Dungeons & Dragons!”

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Often the punchlines aren’t really jokes
per se. Instead laughs are derived by simply

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referencing something that sounds vaguely nerdy.

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Sheldon: "Did you just shut the TV off in the
middle of the classic Deep Space 9, Star Trek

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the Original Series Trouble with Tribbles 
crossover episode?"

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I suspect this is one of reasons why so 
many people involved in geek subcultures

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tend to dislike the show so much. It’s
essentially one long joke at their expense.

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But I’d argue here’s something more pernicious
going on just under the surface.

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Leonard: "So it's cool if I cry a little?"

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Penny: "Yeah, I probably wouldn't."
Leonard: "Yeah..."

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Beyond its general mocking of geekdom,
the show is relentless in making fun of

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its male characters for not living up to
traditional expectations of manhood.

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On the surface it might seem like these
nerdy nice guys represent a welcome

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alternative to the macho archetypes that 
we've all come to expect from Hollywood.

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But on closer inspection we find that,
despite their status as nerdy outsiders,

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these guys are still complicit in many of the
most destructive aspects of toxic masculinity.

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Leonard: "Yes, but our society has undergone
a paradigm shift. In the information age, Sheldon,

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you and I are the alpha males. We shouldn't
have to back down.

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I'm going to assert my dominance face to face."

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In my previous video essay about the 
Adorkable Misogynist trope I discussed

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the creepy, entitled and often sexist ways 
in which these geeky guys treat women.

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Howard: "Get it? They're laughing. We're
laughing. Then we get them up to about

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.15 blood alcohol level, and tell them
we're millionaires."

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But I think it’s also worth examining how 
they treat each other...

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Raj: "The first thing we need is a theme.
I'm thinking...turn of the century Moulin Rouge."

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Leonard: "I'm thinking you need a 
testosterone patch."

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...and by extension how the show’s writers
end up reinforcing a whole bunch of

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regressive ideas about what it means
to be a “real man.”

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Leonard: "Beer, wings, sliders. We can watch
the football game. I even painted my stomach."

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There's a running gag on the show about
how Leonard doesn't understand sports or

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other activities that are stereotypically
associated with men.

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Penny: "Go sports?"

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Leonard: "Well, in case you were in the
mood for baseball, I didn't want to look ridiculous"

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Leonard: "Go, go, go, YES! Are you people
watching this? Is this amazing or what?!"

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Penny: "Sweetie, that's a highlight from 
the '98 championship game."

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Leonard: "Oh. I did not know that."

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The joke relies on the assumption that all
men are supposed to like sports,

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and therefore it's inherently funny and 
absurd if a guy doesn't.

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Now sitcoms are, of course, supposed to be funny

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but as with all comedy, it's important to
ask: Who are we meant to laugh with?

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And who are we meant to laugh at?

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Howard: "Hey."

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Notice the laughter in this scene stems
almost entirely from seeing Howard

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wearing an apron.

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Raj: "What's with the gloves?"

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Howard: "They complete my ensemble. What
do you want?"

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The humor relies on the sexist idea that
domestic tasks like cooking and cleaning

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are women's work, and therefore, Howard's
masculinity is somehow diminished by

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being forced to clean the house. This 
reductive mix of sexism and emasculation

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is really at the heart of the show's
comedic formula.

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Sheldon: "When I fail to open this jar, and
you succeed, it will establish you as the

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alpha male. I'm not strong enough, Leonard,
You'll have to do it."

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Sheldon: "Go ahead. It's pre-loosened."

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Notice that these jokes aren't designed to
challenge or subvert the limiting and

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often toxic ideas about what it means to
be a "real man."

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"Do you want some help with that?"
Leonard: "No, no, no."

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Instead, the punchlines reinforce this notion
that guys who aren't physically strong,

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tough, or athletic are unmanly.

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Leonard: "That's enough cardio for me. I'm
gonna stretch out before I hit the weights."

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And therefore worthy of ridicule.

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Howard: "Hold on. Pause. Something doesn't
make sense."

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In order to move forward in this discussion,
we're going to have to get academic just

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for a minute, and very quickly define a 
couple of terms. Those are

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Hegemonic Masculinity and Hypermasculinity.

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Hegemonic Masculinity is a term that's used
to describe the socially constructed ideal

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of manhood. It's characterized by things like
physical strength, aggression, domination,

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suppression of emotions, and heterosexuality.

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The ideal varies somewhat based on
factors like geography, but here I'm

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concerned with white Western manhood as
shaped by Hollywood. For obvious examples

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think of Conan the Barbarian, James Bond,
or Captain America.

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All the guys on the Big Bang Theory are 
depicted as embodying the exact opposite

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of that Hegemonic ideal.

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Howard (gravelly voice): "I'm Batman."

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So much so, that simply seeing them dress
up as their favorite superhero is

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in and of itself a punchine.

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Howard: "Ow!...I mean [gravelly] Ow."

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The important thing to understand about
this manhood ideal is that it's a fiction.

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It only really exists in the cultural 
imagination. Which means that men can

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never really actually achieve it.

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However, it's still a standard against which
men are held and compared.

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The social expectations and pressures on men
to try to achieve some version of it is real

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as is the social status either lost or gained
based on a man's perceived proximity to

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that ideal.

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The term Hypermasculinity is a little different.

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It refers to the set of attitudes and behaviors
associated with the pursuit of that

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Hegemonic ideal.

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Hypermasculinity includes things like
aggressive competition,

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sexual conquest, and destructive or
risk taking behaviors like fighting,

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reckless driving, or heavy drinking.

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Hypermasculinity is also obsessively 
anti-feminine.

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Now keep that in mind because it's going
to be imporant a little later.

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Hypermasculine behaviors are how men are
taught to perform their manhood, to prove

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that they are closer to that fictional ideal
than the other men around them.

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Leonard: "Oh no!"

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The four geeks on the Big Bang Theory are
shown constantly attempting to perform

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some version of hypermasculinity.

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Sheldon: "Now prepare yourself for what
may come."

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Wil Wheaton: "Oh Sheldon, do you really
think we're going to fight?"

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Their spectacular failures in their quest
to prove their manhood then provides

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the ironic hook behind much of the shows
comedy.

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Leonard: "I say this one time, instead of 
wimping out, let's be bad-asses!"

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Raj: "Ok. I'll be a bad-ass, but only if
you pinky-swear to be one too."

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Now you'd think a bunch of geeks who are
regularly derided for being unmanly would

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be supportive of each other's insecurities.

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And although there are fleeting moments of
compassion between the four friends

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they spend much of their time mocking
and humiliating each other for not

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living up to the manhood ideal.

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Sheldon: "I see you decided to go with
pathetic and frightened."

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Raj: "It's one of his best moves."

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Sheldon: "I'm having female problems."

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Leonard: "If you're cranky and retaining 
water, I have a theory."

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Raj: "I have to talk to her about this."

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Howard: "Geez, why do you girls always
want to talk about things?"

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This may seem a little counter-intuitive;
why would nerds who are bullied for

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not acting manly enough, then turn around
and replicate that same behavior within

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their own circles? Well, it's because one 
ways men learn to perform manhood...

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Sheldon: "None shall pass."

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...is by exerting power over others.

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Remember when I said that one of the
characteristics of Hypermasculinity was

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an obsession with being anti-feminine?

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Sheldon: "A girls' night? I don't know if
I'm up for an evening talking about

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rainbows, unicorns, and menstrual cramps."

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Time and again we see the men on the show
demeaning women and expressing a casual

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distain for anything considered "girl stuff."

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Howard: "Sex In the City? Yikes!"

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Penny: "Hey, I happen to love this movie."

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Howard: "Fine, let's watch it. Maybe all 
our periods with synchronize."

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Anti-feminine attitudes are also connected
to the ways that men police each other's

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presentation of manhood.

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Sheldon: "Because of your lactose intolerance
you switched over to soy milk. Soy contains

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estrogen-mimicking compounds. I think your
morning Coco Puffs are turning you into a

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hysterical woman."

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Just so we're clear, when men insult and 
belittle other men by calling them women,

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that is an extension of misogyny.

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Leonard: "You're controlling, you're
irritating..."

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Sheldon: "There you go again: nag, nag, nag.
You're only proving my point little lady."

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Nowhere is this dynamic as clear as in
the show's treatment of Raj.

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Raj: "Edward's only pushing you away 
because he loves you."

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Raj: "I've got everything we'll need for
the big game: low-fat turkey jerky,

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low-carb beer, 100 calorie snack packs."

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Leonard: "Pick up a Y-chromosome while you
were there? You might be short one."

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Howard: "I won't be making fun of you or
the things you like, or the fact that you

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[singing] just wanna have fu-un."

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In practically every episode over ten 
seasons, the other characters on the show

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make fun of Raj for acting too much like
a woman.

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Raj: "It wasn't a pajama party. It was just
a couple of bros hanging out, giggling,

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eating cookie dough, and watching
Princess Bride."

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Howard: "Please stop talking."

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As you might expect, the jokes targeting 
Raj for not being manly enough

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are steeped in a thick layer of homophobia.

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Howard: "Wow!"

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Raj: "And that's not even the best part.
See, I have one too."

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Raj: "Check it out, you can wear yours and
we can have little sword fights whenever we want."

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The humor consistently codes Raj's more
effeminate behaviors and interests as gay

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and that's always the punchline.

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Raj: "May I have a Grasshopper with a
little umbrella, please?"

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Howard: "No, you may not."
Raj: "Why?"

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Howard: "I'm not sitting here with a guy
drinking a Grasshopper with a little umbrella."

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Raj: "Fine. I'll have a chocolate martini."

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Howard: " Wrong! Again!"

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Raj is the only one of the four guys who
after 230 episodes still doesn't have a

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steady girlfriend.

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Raj: "Do have any idea what it's like to be
the only one without a girlfriend?"

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Raj: "Even if I get one someday, I'll still
be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper."

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All the others have had their long-term
partners join the main cast.

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I don't think it's a coincidence that the 
character most ridiculed for being the

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most unmanly in a group of men specifically
coded to be unmanly, is also the only

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man of color on the show.

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And as such, Raj fits neatly into Hollywood's
long-running tradition of mocking and

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diminishing the sexuality of Asian men.

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At times, Raj seems comfortable with his
softer, more effeminate version of manhood.

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TV: "Bridget Jones' Diary."
Raj: "Oh my god, I'm crying already."

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But the show and the other male characters
are not, and they let Raj and us as the

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audience know that there is something
wrong with him for not being manly enough

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every chance they get.

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Leonard: "What's up?
Howard: "Not his testosterone levels."

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Raj: "Excuse me, I happen to very
comfortable with my masculinity."

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Howard: "How is that possible?"

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In her 1995 book, Masculinities, RW Connell
lays out the theory that there's not just

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one form of masculinity, but rather many 
different forms of manhood that all exist

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within a hierarchy.

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The white heterosexual hypermasculine ideal
is at the top of that hierarchy, and then all

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other forms of masculinity are made 
subordinate to it.

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Forms of manhood that are in any way 
associated with homosexuality

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or femininity are pushed further down on
the hierarchy.

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Sam Spade: "When you're slapped,
you'll take it and like it."

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This hierarchical structure then creates
a social system wherein men are encouraged

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to compete with other men for status and 
dominance,

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even within their own peer groups
and subcultures.

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Leonard: "You want some more?"

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This is why even men who are bullied for
not meeting the hypermasculine ideal

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often feel the only way they can be seen 
as real men...

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Howard: "Well, come on! Get up!"
Leonard: "Stay down, bitch."

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... is by diminishing someone else.

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Raj: "I am Shiva the Destroyer. I will
have the woman."

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Howard: "I'm warning you, I was judo 
champion at math camp."

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The relationship dynamics between Leonard,
Sheldon, Howard, and Raj provides us with

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a microcosm of how this hierarchy of
masculinities works.

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Raj: "Dude, I'm glad you finally got a
girlfriend, but do you have to do all that

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lovey-dovey stuff in front of those of us
who don't?"

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Sheldon: "Actually he might have to. There's
an economic concept known as a

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positional good, in which an object is only
valued by the possessor because it's not

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possessed by others."

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Howard: "It's not true. My happiness is
not dependent on my best friend being

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miserable and alone."
Raj: "Thank you."

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00:15:09,197 --> 00:15:12,047
Howard: "Although I'd be lying if I said 
it wasn't a little bit of a perk."

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Practically every aspect of their friendship
from the personal to the professional

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revolves around competition.

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Leonard: "OW!"

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Leonard: "Why'd you do that?"

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Sheldon: "To send a message: 
she is not for you."

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Raj: "Back off Sheldon."
Sheldon: "What?"

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Raj: "If you do not stop hitting on my lady,
you will feel the full extent of my wrath."

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Leonard: "Howard, relax. I am not
interested in your girlfriend."

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00:15:39,723 --> 00:15:43,323
Howard: "I hope not because you
don't want to mess with me."

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Howard: "I'm crazy."

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Leonard: "Do it."

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In fact, their entire lives are defined by
a never ending game of one-upmanship.

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Sheldon: "Don't just stand there; take 
your breasts out."

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On the Big Bang Theory, just like in the 
real world, women are often leveraged

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as symbols of status within groups of
male friends.

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Penny: "What was that for?"

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Leonard: "To show people when they 
don't believe me."

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The show consistently frames manhood as
something that's either reaffirmed or

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diminished by the ability of the guys to
"score" with women.

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Howard: "Wow! Sex at work?"


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Leonard: "Leave it alone. That's my
girlfriend."

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Howard: "Sorry."
Leonard: "--who just had sex with me at work!"

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Howard: "Damn, how'd you swing that?"

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Leonard: "Two women at the same time?
Nice job, player!"

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Whenever any one of the four nerds doesn't
have a girlfriend, the others will ridicule

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him for it.

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Howard: "Knock, knock."
Leonard: "Who's there?"

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Howard: "I have a girlfriend and you don't."

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Sheldon: "I have a functioning and satisfying
relationship with a female. You have none."

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Under the narrow constraints of
hypermasculinity, the only thing worse than

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being unable to acquire a woman is being
controlled by one.

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Howard: "I downloaded an app that might be
helpful in this situation."

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[sound of a cracking whip]

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Now the women on the show do occasionally
join in with the ridicule.

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Penny: "Alright, who's ready for another beer?"

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Leonard: "I'm good."
Raj: "No thank you."

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Penny: "Girls."

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But the vast majority of the put-downs of
nerdy mend don't come from women

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Sheldon's phone: [sound of cracking whip]

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...they come from other men.

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Sheldon: "Amy please. I am trying to figure
out a way to intellectually emasculate a

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dear friend of mine."

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Raj: "Hey, while you you decide, who's
better in bed: big hot Zack or

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wheezy little Leonard?"

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There is an unfortunate tendency in our
culture to try to pin the blame for men's

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emasculation on women, but most of the
time the perpetrators are men who are

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participating in this competition for 
dominance.

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And in so doing, they become complicit in 
the very structures that harm and exclude them.

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00:18:13,244 --> 00:18:16,760
Penny: "You know for a group of guys who
claim they spent most of their lives being

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bullied, you can bee real jerks.
Shame on all of you."

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All this competitive and anti-feminine
behavior is framed by the show as harmless,

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as good-natured fun, as normal and natural
and inevitable for men.

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But the reality is that the social pressures
that society places on men to engage

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in this hypermasculine competition
is anything but harmless.

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It can be dangerous for men and for those
around them,

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both in terms of physical health and 
emotional well-being.

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It makes it difficult if not impossible
for straight men to be vulnerable and

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caring with others, which in turn, makes it
very hard to build close, supportive

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friendships with women and with other men.

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Sheldon: "That's quite a gesture on your part.
You've shown yourself to be the bigger man."

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Howard: "Thank you."

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00:19:13,142 --> 00:19:15,472
Sheldon: "Which I find totally unacceptable.

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I must be the bigger man."

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But unlike Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, and
Raj, who are locked into a perpetual

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competition by their writers, men in the 
real world have a choice.

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We can choose to reject the battle for
dominance, and instead embrace empathetic

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and supportive forms of manhood.

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Thanks so much for watching. If you like
these long-form video essays about the

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intersections of entertainment and 
masculinity, then please consider going

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00:19:48,159 --> 00:19:51,099
over to Patreon and helping
to fund this project.

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00:19:51,116 --> 00:19:54,326
There's also a link to Paypal in the
description below.

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00:19:54,389 --> 00:19:57,369
I will see you all again next month with 
another video essay.