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♪ (intro music) ♪

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What prompted you to come see me?

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<i>(Interviewer 1) Great question.[br]We would ask you that!</i>

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<i>(Interviewer 2) Yeah.</i>

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How so? What do you mean?[br]I didn't invite you.

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<i>(laughter)</i>

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What would I want you in my house for?

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<i>(No.1) We were going to ask you,[br]"Why are we here?"</i>

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I have no idea. Get out!

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<i>(No.2 laughs)</i>

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I came to Hollywood in '61.

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We found an apartment on an estate[br]in the Hollywood Hills and rented it.

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The second night we're there,[br]we hear a rustling outside.

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So she went, peeped[br]through the blinds of the window

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and there was a large avocado tree[br]growing right up next to the apartment,

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and she beckoned me over.

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I looked down, [br]and there were two raccoons,

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sitting on their back,[br]chewing on avocados.

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And I said, "This is for me."

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I've been chewing on avocados[br]ever since I got here.

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<i>(laughter)</i>

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(No 2) Are you still involved with[br]showbiz now?

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Are you doing anything behind the scenes, or-?

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Would you like a kiss?

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Yeah, I'm still involved in show business.[br]I tour with a one-man show.

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I do movies if you're making them,[br]and I'm quite viable...

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in every sense of the word.

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<i>(laughter)</i>

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I have four children, and the youngest,[br]who's now 27, was deemed autistic

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at 7 or 8, which is late. He's a[br]high-functioning autistic.

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My lady at the time often said that she[br]doesn't think he's got autism,

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she thinks he has Asnerism.

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(laughter)

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There was a time when he was riding[br]with me as a kid,

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and I already had some fame, and a cop[br]pulled me over.

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I did a wrong turn or something,[br]and a cop pulled me over.

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And as the cop came up to the window to[br]write the ticket, Charlie leaned over towards

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the window and he said, 'Do you know who[br]you're talking to?'

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I went SHHHHHH

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And that's one of the main efforts we[br]have. To get law enforcement to

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understand there are these types of[br]people, that they cannot exercise ordinary

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tough cop bullshit. They've got to assess[br]the situation and respond accordingly.

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I've often said that the world would be a[br]happier place if it was run by autistics.

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And it may well be.

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INTERVIEWERS: So you've had an incredible[br]career, anything that you've done in-

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Only the beginning of it. I'm not heralded[br]in every hallway in the world.

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I still have to be discovered by a lot of[br]people.

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INTERVIEWERS: Have you ever done stand up?

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No. I can't even do good sit down.

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(laughter)

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I'm with ABILITY Magazine (burps),[br]lots of sexy picture of

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Mary without anything like me around her.

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(laughter)

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Okay, enogh?

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Interviewer: That's it.

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How long are you going to fuss around?