♪ Intro Music ♪
Hello there ...
It's a common pattern
for some of us in relationships
to be 'rescuers'.
It's like we're on the lookout for someone who we can save
and rehabilitate.
A Rescuer often feels a duty or obligation
to maintain a relationship
- as it is -
even when they're feeling used.
A Rescuer often makes excuses for someone else's behavior
even when it's self-destructive or harmful to themself.
A Rescuer, like everyone else, has needs.
But Rescuers don't feel worthy enough
to ask for what they want, and need.
Instead, they convince themselves
that if they give enough to others,
the recipient of their giving
will clearly appreciate the Rescuer so much
that the Taker will begin to give back to the Rescuer
(which is what the Rescuer secretly wanted all along).
They wanted to be loved, nurtured and cared-for.
That is the hope - and the fantasy - of the Rescuer.
But because the Rescuer has chosen a Taker
(someone who by definition takes and cannot give
because of the state they're in)
the Rescuer never gets what he or she really wants,
which is - to be rescued.
There is no such thing as a Rescuer
that doesn't want to be rescued.
If we're the classic Rescuer (which I've just described)
it's really important for us to look at the resistance
that we have to asserting our needs and wants -
to asking for what we need and want.
We also have to understand
that we have a difficult time receiving -
so we have to also look at our resistance to receiving,
and begin to take steps to open ourself up
to receiving things from other people, more and more.
Now you might be watching this episode and thinking:
'Wha..? Thank God that's not me, I'm definitely NOT a Rescuer!'
You can go ahead and think again -
because what I'm about to demonstrate
is that most of us are, in fact, Rescuers.
Attraction is simple - it's either there or it isn't there.
And yet, it's a much more complicated thing
than you've been led to believe.
Many things draw us to a specific person ...
Some are savory, some are unsavory.
But it is to be understood
that when we are searching for a mate
we're looking for a match, an equal.
We are in fact, looking for Ourselves in Another.
In the big picture, opposites don't really attract.
One could say that the fact females and males
generally attract each other
is evidence that opposites attract,
but if you expand your view you'll see that
even though there might be a male and a female
both are Human - so same attracts same.
In many ways, it could be argued
that Duality and Non-Duality is just a matter of perspective -
but as it applies to Humans,
what happens when people are dealing with pain
or a baseline Vibration,
is that they swing to one degree or the other.
For example, let's take two people - a male and a female.
Both of them have social anxiety.
Because of that social anxiety,
one, might decide to become a wall-flower -
to withdraw from the group and to hide in the corner.
Now, the same kind of person
(who, also has social anxiety)
might decide to swing the pendulum to the entire opposite side -
they might become the Class Clown,
developing a facade that they put forth
that they can hide behind.
Now, it's easy to say
- if these two people fell in-love -
that 'Opposites Attract'.
But when we look at them closer,
we see that *both* had social anxiety.
So the baseline Vibration that unites them is exactly the same.
Most of the process of attraction
is happening on a subconscious level -
we're looking for the person who mirrors us the very-best.
This is the way that the Universe or Collective Consciousness
ensures the most Expansion.
Self-Actualization is facilitated by our relationships.
Because of the Law of Attraction,
the Universe draws us to the person
who mirrors us the very-best.
It feels great when our partner
mirrors good-feeling things within us,
like our caring or our depth or our intellect;
but that is not the only Vibration that is resident within us -
we also have bad-feeling things within us as well,
like our inability to receive or our self-centeredness
or our close-mindedness.
I have yet to meet a person, in my lifetime,
who has never experienced trauma.
Even if parents were capable of providing a perfect upbringing,
full of complete love and everything else you could hope
for an individual to grow into a healthy adult,
just the experience
of being separated from Collective Consciousness
into a separate Identity
(which happens upon coming into this physical dimension)
*is* a traumatizing event.
So what you're looking at
when you're looking at a group of people,
is just varying degrees of Trauma.
These traumatizing experiences cause wounds within us -
emotionally, mentally, and even physically -
and sometimes these wounds go unhealed.
Whether you're conscious of it or not,
your Being's ultimate desire is for complete Healing.
And, rather than Healing,
let's say: complete Wholeness, complete Integration.
Because of this,
you'll be drawn towards partners
who make you aware of
those particular wounds that are unhealed within you.
You will be drawn to the partners
who mirror those aspects of you.
Because you are not Conscious and aware of these wounds,
because they happened so long ago,
the people that we are inexplicably drawn to
have the same wound that we do.
And because they have the same wound that we do,
it causes a flare-up in the wound that we both share.
Here is where the Rescuer dynamic comes in.
You have always
(even if it's on a subconscious level)
wanted to heal that deep wound within you
but you buried it, deep in your subconscious.
So the only way to see that wound again
is to step in front of a mirror -
the mirror is the partner.
So the minute you step in front of the partner,
you have that wound mirrored for you.
But here's the issue:
then you go to work, trying to heal the wound
in the reflection,
in the other person,
you try to rescue, or heal,
the wound within you, through them ...
It's as if you're subconsciously thinking:
'If I can just heal that wound in this other person,
I will have healed it myself'.
You are insatiably attracted to the people
who provide you with the opportunity
to become aware of, and heal, that wound -
thus becoming a Rescuer to that hurt aspect of them
*and* you.
Those of you who can recognize chronic patterns
that are painful within your relationships
need to pay special attention to this particular dynamic.
Because, painful relationships that are chronic,
in their patterning,
tend to be the result of people who are chronically trying
to heal their own wounds through other people.
We are, in essence, trying to heal ourselves (or love ourselves)
by loving them.
Take a very objective look at what you are attracted to
about the people you have been in a relationship with
(or are in a relationship with).
What are you drawn to, again and again?
Rather than get lost in how
any of them were different from each other,
begin to look for what they had in common with each other.
Then ask yourself:
What am I drawn to, that keeps causing me problems?
For example -
A woman might look back over her dating record
(or relationship record)
and she might notice that all of these men
seem to be different at face-value
but the thing that they all have in common
is that they're all athletes, and they're all loners.
She is insatiably attracted to outcasts
who are lost with nowhere to belong.
She might recognize that the fact
that she's been with athletes isn't causing her pain -
what's causing her pain
is the Loner aspect that all of these men have in common.
The reason that that aspect is what's causing her pain
is that chances are about 50-50 that you end up
with somebody who's lonely for 'reasonable' reasons,
or someone who's lonely because of their personality.
Loners tend to keep people at arm's length -
they tend to be emotionally unavailable,
so no one really wants to spend time with that kind of person -
and that might be just why they're alone.
So she notices
that when she gets into a relationship
with these type of Loner men,
she ends up feeling even more lonely
than she did to begin with.
They end up mirroring her own wounds of loneliness.
You see the reality, if this woman was to look deep enough,
is that she, herself, was lonely.
Her wound is that she feels like a loner
who is lost with nowhere to belong.
She is attracting men with her exact same wound.
She is subconsciously convinced
that if she can get a Loner
who is lost and who doesn't belong,
to feel lovingly connected to her,
and feel like they belong with her -
she has solved her own loneliness problem.
When this woman thinks about the prospect
of being with a man who is not lonely
and who is not lost
and who feels as if he *does* belong in the life he's living,
she feels as if there'll be no space for her in his life.
She fears that he will only make her feel
like *she* does not fit in,
and thus feel lonelier and more like an outcast.
This woman is trying to rescue herself
through the men she is with.
She is trying to rescue and heal
the parts of herself that need healing,
through him.
We look for others who have the same wounds
so we can heal ourselves, externally.
We are chronically drawn to 'rescuing' in this way -
but we are, vicariously, trying to rescue ourselves.
Here's another example:
Say that a man looks back over his relationship record.
Even though the women he has been with
might seem different at face-value,
he notices that they all have something in common.
They have all been unstable,
they have all been 'dark',
and they've all been negative.
Also, they've all had this driving urge to be famous -
which of course, to us means
that they lack a sense of significance.
This man notices,
that even though all of these women have been beautiful
(that's another thing they have in common),
that fact that they're beautiful
does not really cause him problems.
What's causing him problems
is the fact that these women are unstable, dark, negative,
and don't feel their own significance.
The reason it keeps causing him pain
is that these common personality traits
in the women he has been with
always end up making him feel emotionally unstable,
hopeless, and as if he's sinking into a dark space.
You see the reality, if this man was to look deep enough,
is that he himself is emotionally unstable,
dark, negative, and lacks a sense of significance -
that is *his* wound.
He is attracting women with his exact same wound.
He is subconsciously convinced
that if he can get an unstable, dark, negative woman
who lacks a sense of significance,
to feel stable, light, happy and self-confident -
he has healed his own problem.
When this man thinks about the prospect of being with a woman
who is stable, light, happy and self-confident,
he feels as sense of panic.
He feels as if he will be exposed
and cannot hide his dysfunction
and is, ultimately, not good-enough for her.
This man is trying to rescue himself
through the women he is with.
He is trying to rescue and heal
the parts of himself that need healing,
through her.
If your relationships are chronically painful,
chances are that what you have in common
is your wounds.
You are trying to save yourselves through each other
and as the other person exacerbates your wounds,
you will beg them to solve the problem and make you feel better,
but the pain just gets worse ...
The more time you're with them,
the bigger this mirror becomes.
I will give you a hint
that the thing we most often try to rescue in others
is the deepest wound, or the most extreme pain,
in our own lives.
A while back, I did a video
called "Find your Negative Imprint - Find your Life Purpose".
I encourage you to go watch that video again,
and to see what your negative imprint might be.
Once you find that,
it can give you a good clue
as to what you're trying to 'rescue'
through your partners.
Once we become aware
of what our real wound is in within ourselves,
we can stop trying to heal it, vicariously,
through the other person,
and we can focus on healing that within ourselves.
For example -
The woman in the previous scenario
could take steps to feel less lonely.
She could also make different relationship decisions,
so that she chooses men who make her feel
as if she has a companion
instead of men who are emotionally unavailable.
The man in the previous scenario
can change his life in ways that make him feel more stable.
He could start to develop positivity
and also develop self-confidence so that, eventually,
he could feel a sense of his own significance.
Awareness causes Healing and Integration to occur spontaneously.
So often, being aware of the wound within us
is enough to increase our Frequency
to the degree that we are no longer attracted
to the people who mirror our wounds -
that leads to better-feeling relationships.
That being said,
all that's left to ask is one question -
What is within you, that is in need of rescue?
Have a good week ...
♪ Outtro Music ♪