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♪ Intro Music ♪

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Hello there ...

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It's a common pattern

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for some of us in relationships

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to be 'rescuers'.

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It's like we're on the lookout for someone who we can save

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and rehabilitate.

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A Rescuer often feels a duty or obligation

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to maintain a relationship

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- as it is -

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even when they're feeling used.

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A Rescuer often makes excuses for someone else's behavior

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even when it's self-destructive or harmful to themself.

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A Rescuer, like everyone else, has needs.

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But Rescuers don't feel worthy enough

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to ask for what they want, and need.

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Instead, they convince themselves

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that if they give enough to others,

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the recipient of their giving

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will clearly appreciate the Rescuer so much

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that the Taker will begin to give back to the Rescuer

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(which is what the Rescuer secretly wanted all along).

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They wanted to be loved, nurtured and cared-for.

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That is the hope - and the fantasy - of the Rescuer.

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But because the Rescuer has chosen a Taker

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(someone who by definition takes and cannot give

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because of the state they're in)

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the Rescuer never gets what he or she really wants,

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which is - to be rescued.

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There is no such thing as a Rescuer

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that doesn't want to be rescued.

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If we're the classic Rescuer (which I've just described)

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it's really important for us to look at the resistance

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that we have to asserting our needs and wants -

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to asking for what we need and want.

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We also have to understand

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that we have a difficult time receiving -

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so we have to also look at our resistance to receiving,

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and begin to take steps to open ourself up

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to receiving things from other people, more and more.

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Now you might be watching this episode and thinking:

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'Wha..? Thank God that's not me, I'm definitely NOT a Rescuer!'

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You can go ahead and think again -

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because what I'm about to demonstrate

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is that most of us are, in fact, Rescuers.

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Attraction is simple - it's either there or it isn't there.

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And yet, it's a much more complicated thing

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than you've been led to believe.

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Many things draw us to a specific person ...

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Some are savory, some are unsavory.

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But it is to be understood

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that when we are searching for a mate

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we're looking for a match, an equal.

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We are in fact, looking for Ourselves in Another.

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In the big picture, opposites don't really attract.

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One could say that the fact females and males

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generally attract each other

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is evidence that opposites attract,

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but if you expand your view you'll see that

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even though there might be a male and a female

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both are Human - so same attracts same.

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In many ways, it could be argued

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that Duality and Non-Duality is just a matter of perspective -

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but as it applies to Humans,

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what happens when people are dealing with pain

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or a baseline Vibration,

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is that they swing to one degree or the other.

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For example, let's take two people - a male and a female.

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Both of them have social anxiety.

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Because of that social anxiety,

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one, might decide to become a wall-flower -

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to withdraw from the group and to hide in the corner.

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Now, the same kind of person

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(who, also has social anxiety)

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might decide to swing the pendulum to the entire opposite side -

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they might become the Class Clown,

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developing a facade that they put forth

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that they can hide behind.

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Now, it's easy to say

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- if these two people fell in-love -

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that 'Opposites Attract'.

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But when we look at them closer,

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we see that *both* had social anxiety.

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So the baseline Vibration that unites them is exactly the same.

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Most of the process of attraction

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is happening on a subconscious level -

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we're looking for the person who mirrors us the very-best.

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This is the way that the Universe or Collective Consciousness

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ensures the most Expansion.

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Self-Actualization is facilitated by our relationships.

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Because of the Law of Attraction,

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the Universe draws us to the person

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who mirrors us the very-best.

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It feels great when our partner

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mirrors good-feeling things within us,

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like our caring or our depth or our intellect;

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but that is not the only Vibration that is resident within us -

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we also have bad-feeling things within us as well,

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like our inability to receive or our self-centeredness

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or our close-mindedness.

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I have yet to meet a person, in my lifetime,

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who has never experienced trauma.

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Even if parents were capable of providing a perfect upbringing,

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full of complete love and everything else you could hope

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for an individual to grow into a healthy adult,

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just the experience

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of being separated from Collective Consciousness

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into a separate Identity

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(which happens upon coming into this physical dimension)

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*is* a traumatizing event.

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So what you're looking at

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when you're looking at a group of people,

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is just varying degrees of Trauma.

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These traumatizing experiences cause wounds within us -

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emotionally, mentally, and even physically -

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and sometimes these wounds go unhealed.

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Whether you're conscious of it or not,

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your Being's ultimate desire is for complete Healing.

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And, rather than Healing,

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let's say: complete Wholeness, complete Integration.

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Because of this,

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you'll be drawn towards partners

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who make you aware of

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those particular wounds that are unhealed within you.

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You will be drawn to the partners

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who mirror those aspects of you.

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Because you are not Conscious and aware of these wounds,

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because they happened so long ago,

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the people that we are inexplicably drawn to

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have the same wound that we do.

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And because they have the same wound that we do,

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it causes a flare-up in the wound that we both share.

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Here is where the Rescuer dynamic comes in.

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You have always

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(even if it's on a subconscious level)

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wanted to heal that deep wound within you

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but you buried it, deep in your subconscious.

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So the only way to see that wound again

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is to step in front of a mirror -

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the mirror is the partner.

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So the minute you step in front of the partner,

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you have that wound mirrored for you.

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But here's the issue:

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then you go to work, trying to heal the wound

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in the reflection,

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in the other person,

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you try to rescue, or heal,

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the wound within you, through them ...

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It's as if you're subconsciously thinking:

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'If I can just heal that wound in this other person,

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I will have healed it myself'.

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You are insatiably attracted to the people

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who provide you with the opportunity

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to become aware of, and heal, that wound -

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thus becoming a Rescuer to that hurt aspect of them

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*and* you.

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Those of you who can recognize chronic patterns

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that are painful within your relationships

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need to pay special attention to this particular dynamic.

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Because, painful relationships that are chronic,

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in their patterning,

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tend to be the result of people who are chronically trying

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to heal their own wounds through other people.

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We are, in essence, trying to heal ourselves (or love ourselves)

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by loving them.

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Take a very objective look at what you are attracted to

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about the people you have been in a relationship with

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(or are in a relationship with).

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What are you drawn to, again and again?

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Rather than get lost in how

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any of them were different from each other,

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begin to look for what they had in common with each other.

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Then ask yourself:

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What am I drawn to, that keeps causing me problems?

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For example -

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A woman might look back over her dating record

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(or relationship record)

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and she might notice that all of these men

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seem to be different at face-value

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but the thing that they all have in common

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is that they're all athletes, and they're all loners.

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She is insatiably attracted to outcasts

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who are lost with nowhere to belong.

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She might recognize that the fact

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that she's been with athletes isn't causing her pain -

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what's causing her pain

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is the Loner aspect that all of these men have in common.

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The reason that that aspect is what's causing her pain

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is that chances are about 50-50 that you end up

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with somebody who's lonely for 'reasonable' reasons,

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or someone who's lonely because of their personality.

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Loners tend to keep people at arm's length -

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they tend to be emotionally unavailable,

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so no one really wants to spend time with that kind of person -

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and that might be just why they're alone.

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So she notices

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that when she gets into a relationship

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with these type of Loner men,

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she ends up feeling even more lonely

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than she did to begin with.

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They end up mirroring her own wounds of loneliness.

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You see the reality, if this woman was to look deep enough,

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is that she, herself, was lonely.

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Her wound is that she feels like a loner

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who is lost with nowhere to belong.

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She is attracting men with her exact same wound.

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She is subconsciously convinced

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that if she can get a Loner

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who is lost and who doesn't belong,

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to feel lovingly connected to her,

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and feel like they belong with her -

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she has solved her own loneliness problem.

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When this woman thinks about the prospect

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of being with a man who is not lonely

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and who is not lost

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and who feels as if he *does* belong in the life he's living,

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she feels as if there'll be no space for her in his life.

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She fears that he will only make her feel

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like *she* does not fit in,

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and thus feel lonelier and more like an outcast.

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This woman is trying to rescue herself

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through the men she is with.

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She is trying to rescue and heal

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the parts of herself that need healing,

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through him.

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We look for others who have the same wounds

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so we can heal ourselves, externally.

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We are chronically drawn to 'rescuing' in this way -

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but we are, vicariously, trying to rescue ourselves.

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Here's another example:

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Say that a man looks back over his relationship record.

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Even though the women he has been with

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might seem different at face-value,

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he notices that they all have something in common.

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They have all been unstable,

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they have all been 'dark',

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and they've all been negative.

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Also, they've all had this driving urge to be famous -

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which of course, to us means

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that they lack a sense of significance.

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This man notices,

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that even though all of these women have been beautiful

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(that's another thing they have in common),

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that fact that they're beautiful

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does not really cause him problems.

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What's causing him problems

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is the fact that these women are unstable, dark, negative,

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and don't feel their own significance.

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The reason it keeps causing him pain

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is that these common personality traits

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in the women he has been with

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always end up making him feel emotionally unstable,

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hopeless, and as if he's sinking into a dark space.

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You see the reality, if this man was to look deep enough,

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is that he himself is emotionally unstable,

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dark, negative, and lacks a sense of significance -

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that is *his* wound.

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He is attracting women with his exact same wound.

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He is subconsciously convinced

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that if he can get an unstable, dark, negative woman

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who lacks a sense of significance,

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to feel stable, light, happy and self-confident -

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he has healed his own problem.

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When this man thinks about the prospect of being with a woman

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who is stable, light, happy and self-confident,

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he feels as sense of panic.

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He feels as if he will be exposed

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and cannot hide his dysfunction

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and is, ultimately, not good-enough for her.

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This man is trying to rescue himself

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through the women he is with.

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He is trying to rescue and heal

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the parts of himself that need healing,

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through her.

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If your relationships are chronically painful,

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chances are that what you have in common

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is your wounds.

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You are trying to save yourselves through each other

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and as the other person exacerbates your wounds,

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you will beg them to solve the problem and make you feel better,

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but the pain just gets worse ...

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The more time you're with them,

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the bigger this mirror becomes.

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I will give you a hint

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that the thing we most often try to rescue in others

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is the deepest wound, or the most extreme pain,

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in our own lives.

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A while back, I did a video

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called "Find your Negative Imprint - Find your Life Purpose".

0:12:33.778,0:12:36.770
I encourage you to go watch that video again,

0:12:36.968,0:12:39.778
and to see what your negative imprint might be.

0:12:39.849,0:12:40.659
Once you find that,

0:12:40.722,0:12:42.159
it can give you a good clue

0:12:42.205,0:12:43.889
as to what you're trying to 'rescue'

0:12:43.928,0:12:45.277
through your partners.

0:12:46.229,0:12:47.397
Once we become aware

0:12:47.436,0:12:50.325
of what our real wound is in within ourselves,

0:12:50.381,0:12:52.421
we can stop trying to heal it, vicariously,

0:12:52.484,0:12:53.698
through the other person,

0:12:53.785,0:12:56.737
and we can focus on healing that within ourselves.

0:12:56.809,0:12:57.309
For example -

0:12:57.349,0:12:58.627
The woman in the previous scenario

0:12:58.659,0:13:01.278
could take steps to feel less lonely.

0:13:01.674,0:13:04.357
She could also make different relationship decisions,

0:13:04.388,0:13:06.936
so that she chooses men who make her feel

0:13:06.968,0:13:08.651
as if she has a companion

0:13:08.674,0:13:11.372
instead of men who are emotionally unavailable.

0:13:11.562,0:13:12.738
The man in the previous scenario

0:13:12.793,0:13:16.531
can change his life in ways that make him feel more stable.

0:13:17.023,0:13:19.166
He could start to develop positivity

0:13:19.245,0:13:22.047
and also develop self-confidence so that, eventually,

0:13:22.111,0:13:24.333
he could feel a sense of his own significance.

0:13:24.372,0:13:28.925
Awareness causes Healing and Integration to occur spontaneously.

0:13:29.245,0:13:31.714
So often, being aware of the wound within us

0:13:31.760,0:13:33.936
is enough to increase our Frequency

0:13:33.992,0:13:36.278
to the degree that we are no longer attracted

0:13:36.349,0:13:39.016
to the people who mirror our wounds -

0:13:39.190,0:13:41.603
that leads to better-feeling relationships.

0:13:41.872,0:13:42.976
That being said,

0:13:43.031,0:13:45.198
all that's left to ask is one question -

0:13:45.563,0:13:49.198
What is within you, that is in need of rescue?

0:13:49.738,0:13:50.889
Have a good week ...

0:13:51.133,0:14:39.038
♪ Outtro Music ♪