9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When I was a child,[br]I knew I had superpowers. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 That’s right. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I thought I was absolutely amazing because[br]I could understand and relate to 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the feelings of brown people like[br]my grandfather, a conservative Muslim guy, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and also I could understand[br]my Afghan mother and Pakistani father, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 not so religious but[br]laid back, fairly liberal. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And of course I could understand and[br]relate to the feelings of white people, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the white Norwegians of my country. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 You know white, brown,[br]whatever, I loved them all. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I understood them all even if they[br]didn’t always understand each other 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They were all my people. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 My father though was[br]always really worried. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 He kept saying that,[br]even with the best education 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was not going to get a fair shake,[br]I would face discrimination, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 according to him, and the only way[br]to be accepted by white people 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 would be to become famous. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Now mind you, he had this conversation[br]with me when I was seven years old. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, while I’m seven years old he said 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Look, so its either got to be sports[br]or its got to be music.' 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 He didn’t know anything about sports,[br]bless him, so it was music. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So when I was seven years old[br]he gathered al my toys, all my dolls, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and he threw them all away. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 In exchange he gave me a crappy little[br]Casio keyboard, and singing lessons, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and forced me to practice for hours[br]and hours every single day. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Very quickly he also had me performing[br]for larger and larger audiences, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 bizarrely I became almost a poster child[br]for Norwegian multiculturalism. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I felt very proud of course because[br]even the newspapers at this point 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 were starting to write[br]nice things about brown people, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so I could feel that[br]my superpower was growing. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So when I was 12 years old walking home[br]from school I took a little detour 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because I wanted to buy[br]my favourite sweets called 'salty feet'. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I know they sound kind of awful,[br]but I absolutely loved them. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They are basically these little[br]salty licorice bits, in the shape of feet. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And now that I say it out loud I realise[br]how terrible that sounds, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but be that as it may,[br]I absolutely loved them. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 On my way into the store, there was this[br]grown white guy in the doorway 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 blocking my way, so I tried to walk around[br]him, and as I did that he stopped me, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and he was staring at me,[br]and he spit in my face and he said 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 ‘Get out of my way you little black bitch,[br]you little Paki bitch, get out of my - 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 go back home where you came from.’[br]I was absolutely horrified. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was staring at him, I was too afraid[br]to wipe the spit off my face, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 even as it was mixing with my tears.[br]I remember looking around, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 hoping any minute now a grownup[br]is going to come and make this guy stop. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But instead people kept hurrying past me[br]and pretending not to see me. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was very confused because I was thinking 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 ‘Well, my white people come on,[br]where are they? What’s going on? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 How come they’re not[br]coming and rescuing me?’ 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So needless to say I didn’t buy the sweets[br]I just ran home as fast as I could. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Things were still ok though, I thought. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 As time went on, the more[br]successful I became, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I eventually started attracting[br]harassment from brown people. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Some men in my parents community felt that[br]it was unacceptable and dishonorable 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 for a woman to be involved in music,[br]and to be so present in the media. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So very quickly I was starting to[br]become attacked at my own concerts. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I remember one of the concerts, I was[br]on stage, I lean in to the audience, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the last thing I see is [br]a young brown face, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the next thing I know is some sort[br]of chemical is thrown in my eyes. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I remember I couldn’t really see,[br]and my eyes were watering, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but I kept singing anyway. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I was spit in the face in the streets[br]of Oslo, this time by brown men. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They even tried to kidnap me at one point.[br]The death threats were endless. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I remember one older bearded guy[br]stopped me in the street one time and said 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 ‘The reason I hate you so much is that[br]you make our daughters think 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 they can do whatever they want.’ 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 A younger guy warned me[br]to watch my back, he said 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 ‘Music is un-Islamic[br]and the job of whores, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and if you keep this up you are going to[br]be raped and your stomach will be cut out, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so that another whore[br]like you will not be born.’ 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Again I was so confused.[br]I couldn’t understand what was going on, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 my brown people now[br]starting to treat me like this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 How come?[br]Instead of bridging the two worlds, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I felt like I was falling[br]between the two worlds. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I suppose for me,[br]spit was kryptonite. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So by the time I was 17 years old[br]the death threats were endless, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the harassment was constant. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It got so bad at one point[br]my mother sat me down and said 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 ‘Look, we can no longer protect you,[br]we can no longer keep you safe, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so you’re going to have to go.’ 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I bought a one-way ticket to London.[br]I packed my suitcase, and I left. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 My biggest heartbreak at that point[br]was that nobody said anything. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I had a very public exit from Norway. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 My brown people, my white people,[br]nobody said anything. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Nobody said ‘Hold on, this is wrong. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Support this girl, protect this girl[br]because she is one of us.’ 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Nobody said that. Instead I felt like, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you know at the airport,[br]on the baggage carousel, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 you have these different suitcases[br]going round and round, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and there’s always[br]that one suitcase left at the end. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The one that nobody wants.[br]That nobody comes to claim. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I felt like that. I’d never felt so alone.[br]I’d never felt so lost. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, after coming to London,[br]I did eventually resume my music career. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Different place, but unfortunately[br]the same old story. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I remember a message sent to me saying[br]that I was going to be killed, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and that rivers of blood[br]were going to flow, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and that I was going to be raped[br]many times before I died. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 By this time I has to say I was actually[br]getting used to messages like this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But what became different was that now[br]they started threatening my family. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So once again, I packed my suitcase,[br]I left music, and I moved to the US. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I’d had enough. I didn’t want to have[br]anything to do with this anymore. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I wasn’t going to be killed for[br]something that wasn’t even my dream, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it was my father’s choice. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I kind of got lost, [br]I kind of fell apart, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but I decided that what I wanted to do is 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to spend the next however many years[br]of my life supporting young people, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and to try to be there in some small way,[br]whatever way that I could. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I started volunteering for various[br]organisations that were working 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 with young Muslims inside of Europe. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And, to my surprise what I found,[br]was so many of these young people 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 were suffering and struggling. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They were facing so many problems[br]with their families and their communities, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 who seemed to care more about[br]their honour and their reputation 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 than the happiness and[br]the lives of their own kids. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I started feeling like maybe I wasn’t[br]so alone, maybe I wasn’t so weird. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Maybe there are more[br]of my people out there. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The thing is what most people[br]don’t understand, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is that there are so many[br]of us growing up in Europe 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 who are not free to be ourselves.[br]We are not allowed to be who we are. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We are not free to marry, or to be[br]in relationships with, people we choose, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 we can’t even pick our own career. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 This is the norm in[br]the Muslim heartlands of Europe. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Even in the freest societies[br]in the world, we are not free. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Our lives, our dreams, our future,[br]does not belong to us, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it belongs to our parents,[br]and their community. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I found endless stories of young people,[br]who are lost to all of us, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Who are invisible to all of us, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but they are suffering and [br]they are suffering alone. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Kids that we are losing to forced marriages,[br]to honour based violence and abuse. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So eventually I realised, after several[br]years of working with these young people, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that I will not be able to keep running, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I can’t spend the rest of my life[br]being scared and hiding, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and that I’m actually going[br]to have to do something. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I also realised that[br]my silence, our silence, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 allows abuse like this to continue. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I decided that I wanted to put[br]my childhood superpower to some use, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 by trying to make people on[br]the different sides of these issues 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 understand what it's like to be[br]a young person stuck 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 between your family and your country. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I started making films,[br]and I started telling these stories. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I also wanted people to understand 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the deadly consequences of us[br]not taking these problems seriously. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So the first film I made was about Banaz. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She was a 17 year old[br]Kurdish girl in London. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She was obedient, she did[br]whatever her parents wanted. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She tried to do everything right. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She married some guy[br]that her parent’s chose for her, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 even though he beat[br]and raped her constantly. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And when she tried to go[br]to her family for help they said 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 ‘Well, you’ve got to go back[br]and be a better wife.’ 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Because they didn’t want[br]a divorced daughter on their hands, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because of course, that would bring[br]dishonor on the family. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She was beaten so badly[br]her ears would bleed. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And when she finally left, and she found[br]a young man that she chose, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and she fell in love with, the community[br]and the family found out, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and she disappeared.[br]She was found three months later. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She’d been stuffed into a suitcase,[br]and buried underneath a house. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 She had been strangled,[br]she had been beaten to death, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 by three men, three cousins,[br]on the orders of her father and uncle. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The added tragedy of Banaz’s story, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 story is that she had gone to the police[br]in England five times asking for help. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Telling them that she was going[br]to be killed by her family. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The police didn’t believe her,[br]so they didn’t do anything. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the problem with this, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is that not only are so many of[br]our kids facing these problems, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 within their families and[br]within their families communities, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but they are also meeting[br]misunderstanding and apathy 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in the countries they grow up in. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When their own families betray them,[br]they look to the rest of us. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And when we don’t understand,[br]we lose them. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So while I was making this film, [br]several people said to me 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 'Well, Deeyah, you know[br]this is just their culture, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 this is just what those people do to[br]their kids and we can’t really interfere.’ 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I can assure you,[br]being murdered is not my culture. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And surely people who look like me, [br]young women who come 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 from backgrounds like mine,[br]should be subject to the same rights, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the same protections,[br]as anybody else in our country. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Why not? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So, for my next film, I wanted[br]to try and understand why 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 some of our young Muslim kids in Europe[br]are drawn to extremism and violence. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But with that topic,[br]also recognised 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that I was going to have[br]to face my worst fear. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The brown men with beards. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The same men, or similar men, to the ones[br]that have hounded me for most of my life. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Men that I’ve been afraid of[br]most of my life. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Men that I’ve also deeply disliked[br]for many many years. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So I spent the next two years[br]interviewing convicted terrorists, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 jihadis and former extremists. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What I already knew,[br]what was very obviously already, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was that religion, politics,[br]Europe’s colonial baggage, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 also Western foreign policy failures[br]of recent years, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 were all a part of the picture. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But what I was more interested[br]in finding out, was what are the human, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 what are the personal reasons[br]why some of our young people 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 are susceptible to groups like this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And what really surprised me,[br]was that I found wounded human beings. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Instead of the monsters that I was[br]looking for, that I was looking to find, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 quite frankly because it would have been[br]very satisfying, I found broken people. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Just like Banaz, I found that[br]these young men were torn apart 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 from trying to bridge[br]the gaps between their families, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the countries that they were born in. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And what I also learnt is that[br]extremist groups, terrorist groups,