[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.93,0:00:05.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when you think about a child,\Na close friend, or a romantic partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.49,0:00:08.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the word "love" probably comes to mind,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.25,0:00:11.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and instantly other emotions rush in:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.59,0:00:13.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,joy and hope,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.05,0:00:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,excitement, trust and security,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.64,0:00:19.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yes, sometimes\Nsadness and disappointment.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.93,0:00:21.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There might not be\Na word in the dictionary
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.78,0:00:24.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that more of us\Nare connected to than love.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.87,0:00:28.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yet, given its central\Nimportance in our lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.15,0:00:32.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,isn't it interesting that we're never\Nexplicitly taught how to love?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.68,0:00:34.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We build friendships,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.39,0:00:36.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,navigate early romantic relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.90,0:00:39.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,get married and bring babies\Nhome from the hospital
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.23,0:00:41.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the expectation\Nthat we'll figure it out.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.48,0:00:46.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the truth is, we often harm\Nand disrespect the ones we love.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.82,0:00:49.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can be subtle things\Nlike guilting a friend
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.36,0:00:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into spending time with you
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.00,0:00:54.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or sneaking a peak\Nat your partner's texts
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.23,0:00:57.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or shaming a child\Nfor their lack of effort at school.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.24,0:01:02.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,100 percent of us will be\Non the receiving end
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.82,0:01:03.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of unhealthy relationship behaviors,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.28,0:01:06.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and 100 percent of us\Nwill do unhealthy things.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.13,0:01:08.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's part of being human.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.52,0:01:13.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In its worst form, the harm\Nwe inflict on loved ones
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.65,0:01:14.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shows up as abuse and violence,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.80,0:01:15.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and relationship abuse
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.46,0:01:18.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is something that one in three women\Nand one in four men
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.32,0:01:20.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will experience in their lifetime.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.84,0:01:23.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, if you're like most people,\Nwhen you hear those stats,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.25,0:01:26.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'll go, oh, no no no,\Nthat would never happen to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.49,0:01:29.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's instinctual to move away\Nfrom the words "abuse" and "violence,"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.96,0:01:32.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to think that they happen\Nto someone else somewhere else.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.16,0:01:38.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the truth is, unhealthy relationships\Nand abuse are all around us.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.26,0:01:42.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We just call them different things\Nand ignore the connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.34,0:01:45.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abuse sneaks up on us\Ndisguised in unhealthy love.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.94,0:01:50.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I work for an organization called One Love
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.39,0:01:54.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,started by a family whose daughter\NYeardley was killed by her ex-boyfriend.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.01,0:01:58.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was a tragedy no one saw coming,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.09,0:01:59.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but when they looked back,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.76,0:02:01.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they realized the warning signs were there
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.39,0:02:03.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just no one understood\Nwhat they were seeing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.86,0:02:07.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Called crazy or drama\Nor too much drinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.82,0:02:11.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his actions weren't understood\Nto be what they really were,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.29,0:02:13.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was clear signs of danger.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.13,0:02:17.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her family realized that if anyone\Nhad been educated about these signs,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.96,0:02:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,her death could have been prevented.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.84,0:02:24.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So today we're on a mission\Nto make sure that others
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.59,0:02:26.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have the information\Nthat Yeardley and her friends didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.19,0:02:27.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have three main goals:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.93,0:02:30.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,give all of us a language\Nfor talking about a subject
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.59,0:02:34.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's quite awkward\Nand uncomfortable to discuss;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.67,0:02:39.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,empower a whole frontline,\Nnamely friends, to help;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.48,0:02:43.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and, in the process, improve\Nall of our ability to love better.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.14,0:02:47.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To do this, it's always important\Nto start by illuminating
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.72,0:02:50.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the unhealthy signs\Nthat we frequently miss,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.07,0:02:53.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our work really focuses\Non creating content
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.86,0:02:55.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to start conversations with young people.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.61,0:03:00.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As you'd expect, most of our content is\Npretty serious, given the subject at hand,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.18,0:03:02.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but today I'm going to use\None of our more light-hearted
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.53,0:03:04.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yet still thought-provoking pieces,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.95,0:03:05.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the Couplets,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.100,0:03:09.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to illuminate five markers\Nof unhealthy love.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.87,0:03:12.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first is intensity.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.74,0:03:14.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video) Blue: I haven't\Nseen you in a couple days.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.36,0:03:15.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've missed you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.26,0:03:17.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange: Aww, I've missed you too.\N(#thatslove)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.77,0:03:20.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue: I haven't seen you in five minutes.\NIt feels like a lifetime.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.76,0:03:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What have you been doing\Nwithout me for five whole minutes?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.26,0:03:26.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange: It's been three minutes.\N(#thatsnotlove)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.28,0:03:28.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Katie Hood: Anybody recognize that?\NI don't know. I do.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.87,0:03:32.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abusive relationships\Ndon't start out abusive.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.29,0:03:34.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They start out exciting and exhilarating.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.56,0:03:37.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's an intensity\Nof affection and emotion,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.82,0:03:40.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a rush.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.12,0:03:40.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It feels really good.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.69,0:03:42.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You feel so lucky,\Nlike you've hit the jackpot.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.100,0:03:46.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in unhealthy love,\Nthese feelings shift over time
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.23,0:03:51.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from exciting to overwhelming\Nand maybe a little bit suffocating.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.24,0:03:52.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You feel it in your gut.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.93,0:03:55.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe it's when your\Nnew boyfriend or girlfriend
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.01,0:03:57.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,says I love you faster\Nthan you were ready for
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.47,0:04:01.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or starts showing up everywhere,\Ntexting and calling a lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.97,0:04:03.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe they're impatient\Nwhen you're slow to respond,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.31,0:04:08.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though they know\Nyou had other things going on that day.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.82,0:04:12.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's important to remember that it's not\Nhow a relationship starts that matters,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.65,0:04:14.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's how it evolves.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.36,0:04:16.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's important in the early days\Nof a new relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.34,0:04:18.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to pay attention to how you're feeling.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.87,0:04:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you comfortable\Nwith the pace of intimacy?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.44,0:04:25.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you feel like you have space\Nand room to breathe?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.07,0:04:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's also really important\Nto start practicing using your voice
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.86,0:04:30.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to talk about your own needs.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.62,0:04:34.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are your requests respected?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.03,0:04:36.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A second marker is isolation.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.62,0:04:38.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video) Orange 2: Want to hang out later?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.79,0:04:40.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 1: Me and my boyfriend\Nalways have Monday Funday.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.65,0:04:42.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 2: Awww. (#thatslove)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.45,0:04:43.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 2: Want to hang out later?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.85,0:04:45.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 1: Me and my boyfriend\Nalways have Monday Funday.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.84,0:04:47.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 2: Tomorrow?\NOrange 1: It's our Tuesday Snooze Day.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.67,0:04:50.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 2: Wednesday?\NOrange 1: No Friends Day.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.54,0:04:52.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(#thatsnotlove)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.68,0:04:55.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,KH: If you ask me, isolation\Nis one of the most frequently missed
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.87,0:04:58.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and misunderstood signs of unhealthy love.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.46,0:04:59.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.41,0:05:02.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, because every new relationship\Nstarts out with this intense desire
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.68,0:05:04.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to spend time together,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.21,0:05:07.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's easy to miss when something shifts.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.33,0:05:09.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Isolation creeps in when\Nyour new boyfriend or girlfriend
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.87,0:05:12.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,starts pulling you away\Nfrom your friends and family,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.65,0:05:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your support system,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.50,0:05:17.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and tethering you more tightly to them.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.60,0:05:19.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They might say things like,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.93,0:05:21.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why do you hang out with them?\NThey're such losers"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.25,0:05:22.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about your best friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.46,0:05:25.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or, "They want us to break up.\NThey're totally against us"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.82,0:05:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about your family.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.58,0:05:29.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Isolation is about sowing seeds of doubt
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.97,0:05:33.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about everyone from\Nyour pre-relationship life.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.35,0:05:36.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Healthy love includes independence,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.47,0:05:38.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two people who love spending time together
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.85,0:05:42.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but who stay connected to the people\Nand activities they cared about before.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.97,0:05:45.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,While at first you might spend\Nevery waking minute together,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.97,0:05:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,over time maintaining independence is key.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.24,0:05:52.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You do this by making plans with friends\Nand sticking to them
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.12,0:05:54.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and encouraging your partner\Nto do the same.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.06,0:05:59.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A third marker of unhealthy love\Nis extreme jealousy.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.99,0:06:01.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video) Blue 2: What are you\Nso happy about?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.19,0:06:03.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue 1: She just started\Nfollowing me on Instagram!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.47,0:06:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(#thatslove)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.00,0:06:06.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue 2: What are you so nervous about?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.60,0:06:10.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue 1: She, she just started\Nfollowing me, like, everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.95,0:06:12.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(#thatsnotlove)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.99,0:06:16.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,KH: As the honeymoon period\Nbegins to fade,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.58,0:06:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,extreme jealousy can creep in.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.55,0:06:21.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your partner might become more demanding,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.27,0:06:22.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,needing to know where you are\Nand who you're with all the time,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.84,0:06:27.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or they might start following you\Neverywhere online and off.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.61,0:06:31.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Extreme jealousy also brings with it\Npossessiveness and mistrust,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.84,0:06:35.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,frequent accusations of flirting\Nwith other people or cheating,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.44,0:06:38.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and refusal to listen to you\Nwhen you tell them
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.24,0:06:41.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they have nothing to worry about\Nand that you only love them.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.32,0:06:44.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jealousy is a part\Nof any human relationship,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.11,0:06:46.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but extreme jealousy is different.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.28,0:06:48.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a threatening, desperate,\Nand angry edge to it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.06,0:06:51.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Love shouldn't feel like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.52,0:06:55.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A fourth marker is belittling.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.18,0:06:57.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video) Blue 1: Wanna hang out?\NOrange: I gotta study.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.49,0:06:58.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue 1: You'll get an A anyway,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.74,0:07:00.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A for amazing. (#thatslove)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.87,0:07:03.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue 1: Wanna hang out?\NOrange: I gotta study.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.31,0:07:04.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Blue 1: You'll get an F anyway,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.71,0:07:08.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,F for, F for... stupid. (#thatsnotlove)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.94,0:07:10.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,KH: Yeah, hmm.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.65,0:07:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In unhealthy love,\Nwords are used as weapons.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.00,0:07:15.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Conversations that used to be\Nfun and lighthearted
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.39,0:07:17.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,turn mean and embarrassing.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.48,0:07:20.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe your partner makes fun of you\Nin a way that hurts,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.44,0:07:24.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or maybe they tell stories and jokes\Nfor laughs at your expense.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.30,0:07:26.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you try to explain\Nthat your feelings have been hurt,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.77,0:07:30.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they shut you down\Nand accuse you of overreacting.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.25,0:07:33.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why are you so sensitive?\NWhat's your problem. Give me a break."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.64,0:07:37.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are silenced by these words.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.62,0:07:41.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seems pretty obvious,\Nbut your partner should have your back.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.03,0:07:43.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Their words should build you up,\Nnot break you down.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.56,0:07:46.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They should keep\Nyour secrets and be loyal.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.22,0:07:48.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They should make you feel more confident,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.21,0:07:49.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not less.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.36,0:07:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Finally, a fifth marker: volatility.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.40,0:07:55.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Video) Orange 1: I'd be sad\Nif we broke up.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.49,0:07:58.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 2: I'd be sad too. (#thatslove)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.38,0:08:01.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Orange 1: I'd so depressed\Nif we ever broke up.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.46,0:08:03.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd throw myself off this step.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.13,0:08:05.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would! Don't try to stop me!
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.99,0:08:07.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(thatsnotlove)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.56,0:08:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,KH: Frequent breakups and makeups,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.18,0:08:12.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,high highs and low lows:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.92,0:08:16.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as tension rises, so does volatility.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.11,0:08:20.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tearful, frustrated fights\Nfollowed by emotional makeups,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.21,0:08:22.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hateful and hurtful comments\Nlike, "You're worthless,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.93,0:08:24.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not even sure why I'm with you!"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.60,0:08:28.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,followed quickly by apologies\Nand promises it will never happen again.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.42,0:08:33.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By this point, you've been so conditioned\Nto this relationship rollercoaster
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.13,0:08:36.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you may not realize how unhealthy\Nand maybe even dangerous
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.32,0:08:39.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your relationship has become.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.76,0:08:42.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can be really hard to see\Nwhen unhealthy love
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.32,0:08:44.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,turns towards abuse,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.21,0:08:45.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's fair to say that\Nthe more of these markers
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.98,0:08:48.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your relationship might have,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.16,0:08:51.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more unhealthy and maybe dangerous\Nyour relationship could be.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.73,0:08:53.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if your instinct is\Nto break up and leave,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.74,0:08:55.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is advice so many of us\Ngive our friends
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.79,0:08:57.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they're in unhealthy relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.64,0:08:59.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's not always the best advice.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.95,0:09:02.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Time of breakup can be\Na real trigger for violence.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.67,0:09:05.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you fear you might be\Nheaded towards abuse or in abuse,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.67,0:09:07.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you need to consult with experts
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.54,0:09:09.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get the advice on how to leave safely.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.90,0:09:13.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's not just about\Nromantic relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.57,0:09:16.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's not just about violence.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.18,0:09:18.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Understanding the signs of unhealthy love
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.21,0:09:22.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can help you audit and understand\Nnearly every relationship in your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.83,0:09:26.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For the first time, you might understand\Nwhy you're disappointed in a friendship
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.73,0:09:29.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or why every interaction\Nwith a certain family member
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.88,0:09:32.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,leaves you discouraged and anxious.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.85,0:09:36.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might even begin to see\Nhow your own intensity and jealousy
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.20,0:09:39.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is causing problems\Nwith colleagues at work.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.45,0:09:42.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Understanding is\Nthe first step to improving,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.65,0:09:45.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and while you can't make\Nevery unhealthy relationship healthy --
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.77,0:09:47.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some you're going\Nto have to leave behind --
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.86,0:09:50.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can do your part every day
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.17,0:09:52.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to do relationships better.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.67,0:09:54.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here's the exciting news:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.22,0:09:56.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's actually not rocket science.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.32,0:09:59.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Open communication, mutual respect,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.28,0:10:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kindness, patience,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.48,0:10:04.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can practice these things every day.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.15,0:10:07.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And while practice\Nwill definitely make you better,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.84,0:10:11.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to promise you it's also\Nnot going to make you perfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.71,0:10:12.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do this for a living,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.51,0:10:15.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and every day I think and talk\Nabout healthy relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.71,0:10:18.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and still I do unhealthy things.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.33,0:10:21.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just the other day as I was trying\Nto shuttle my four kids out the door
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.65,0:10:24.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,amidst quarreling, squabbling,\Nand complaints about breakfast,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.67,0:10:26.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I completely lost it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.80,0:10:30.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With an intentionally angry edge,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.08,0:10:30.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I screamed,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.87,0:10:32.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Everybody just shut up and do what I say!
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.92,0:10:34.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are the worst!
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.47,0:10:37.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am going to take away\Nscreen time and dessert
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.64,0:10:39.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and anything else you could possibly\Never enjoy in life!"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.95,0:10:41.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.53,0:10:42.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anybody been there?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.99,0:10:45.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.10,0:10:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Volatility, belittling.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.98,0:10:52.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My oldest son turned around\Nand looked at me, and said,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.63,0:10:54.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mom, that's not love."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.42,0:10:57.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.89,0:11:00.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For a minute, I really wanted\Nto kill him for calling me out.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.97,0:11:02.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Trust me.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.08,0:11:03.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then I gathered myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.66,0:11:06.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I thought, you know what,\NI'm actually proud.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.47,0:11:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm proud that he has a language\Nto make me pause.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.76,0:11:13.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want all of my kids to understand\Nwhat the bar should be
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.60,0:11:15.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for how they're treated
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.03,0:11:18.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to have a language and a voice\Nto use when that bar is not met
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.17,0:11:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,versus just accepting it.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.85,0:11:26.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For too long, we've treated\Nrelationships as a soft topic,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.60,0:11:29.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when relationship skills\Nare one of the most important
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.43,0:11:31.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and hard to build things in life.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.96,0:11:34.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only can understanding unhealthy signs
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.58,0:11:38.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,help you avoid the rabbit hole\Nthat leads to unhealthy love,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.18,0:11:41.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but understanding and practicing\Nthe art of being healthy
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.17,0:11:43.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can improve nearly\Nevery aspect of your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.77,0:11:46.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm completely convinced
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.91,0:11:49.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that while love is\Nan instinct and an emotion,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.48,0:11:52.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ability to love better\Nis a skill we can all build
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.91,0:11:54.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and improve on over time.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.82,0:11:56.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.64,0:12:00.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)