WEBVTT

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-So when you’re at 
home,

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can you run down


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to the kitchen
in your underpants

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in the middle of the night
if you’re hungry?

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-I mean,
I could. I don’t.

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-You don’t?
-No

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-Is there someone


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in the kitchen at all times,

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like if you wanted
a sandwich in the night,

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would you have to
wake someone up?

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-Yeah, I wouldn’t
wake someone up

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to have a sandwich.

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-You’re allowed to go
in the refrigerator

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on your own?
-I am! I am!

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There’s a refrigerator
there’s silverware.

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-When was the last time

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you actually cooked?
-Now, it’s been a while

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since I cooked.
It has been a while,

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I won’t lie about that.
-Do you ever drive?

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-I cannot drive.
I mean,

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I’m able to drive.
-Is that because

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you don’t have
your birth certificate?

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-Yeah, exactly!
In Kenya,

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we drive
on the other side of the road.

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Actually,
the last time I drove,

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a former staffer came by
and then he comes

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through the South Lawn,
and he’s got

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one of these new electric cars…
At the time,

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they were new.
And he was very excited about it,

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and I said,
“Well, let’s try it out.”

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So I just grabbed

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his keys and we just go out,

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it’s parked right in front.

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And I start circling

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the South Lawn and the Secret Service

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“No matter what you do,
do not let him out”.

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And they were pretty upset, so…


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-They call you Renegade, right?
-Yeah, yeah.

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-Because you’re touring around


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in an electric car.
Topping speeds

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of 30 miles an hour.
-Yeah, yeah.

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I think, we have 35, yeah.

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-If you have to go to the dentist,

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do you go to the dentist or does the…

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-No, the dentist comes to me.
-Dentist comes to you.

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You have the chair,
the tools

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and you spit on the floor.

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-I’ve got the chair,
everything is all there, set up.

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-Everything is there?
-Yeah, in the basement.

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I didn’t know.
I showed up, I said,

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“You know, 
I think I’ve got a cap that’s loose”.

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“Sir, here we are”, he said.
-Do you reset the clocks

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with Daylight saving time?
-No

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-What happens?
-Somebody else does that for me.

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-Somebody does that for you.
Will you get rid of daylight saving time?

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Or at least, get rid of the part
where we have to wake up earlier.

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You can leave the other one.
-Well see, this is a California thing

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‘cause you guys are always getting sun.
-Yeah.

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-In the East coast, 
you don’t mind loosing that hour,

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because,
that’s the signal that spring is here.

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-We only care about ourselves.
-Yeah.

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-Hi, I’m Jimmy Kimmel. 
Are you sad that the video is over?

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