WEBVTT 00:00:00.360 --> 00:00:03.216 What does a working mother look like? 00:00:03.240 --> 00:00:06.496 If you ask the Internet, this is what you'll be told. 00:00:06.520 --> 00:00:09.800 Never mind that this is what you'll actually produce 00:00:10.960 --> 00:00:13.856 if you attempt to work at a computer with a baby on your lap. 00:00:13.880 --> 00:00:15.416 (Laughter) 00:00:15.440 --> 00:00:18.336 But no, this is a working mother. 00:00:18.360 --> 00:00:21.536 You'll notice a theme in these photos. We'll look at a lot of them. 00:00:21.560 --> 00:00:23.976 That theme is amazing natural lighting, 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:27.136 which, as we all know, 00:00:27.160 --> 00:00:31.336 is the hallmark of every American workplace. 00:00:31.360 --> 00:00:34.816 There are thousands of images like these. 00:00:34.840 --> 00:00:38.256 Just put the term "working mother" into any Google Image search engine, 00:00:38.280 --> 00:00:39.536 stock photo site. 00:00:39.560 --> 00:00:41.016 They're all over the Internet, 00:00:41.040 --> 00:00:43.416 they're topping blog posts and news pieces, 00:00:43.440 --> 00:00:47.776 and I've become kind of obsessed with them and the lie that they tell us 00:00:47.800 --> 00:00:49.776 and the comfort that they give us, 00:00:49.800 --> 00:00:53.216 that when it comes to new working motherhood in America, 00:00:53.240 --> 00:00:55.016 everything's fine. 00:00:55.040 --> 00:00:56.616 But it's not fine. 00:00:56.640 --> 00:01:00.056 As a country, we are sending millions of women back to work 00:01:00.080 --> 00:01:04.016 every year, incredibly and kind of horrifically soon 00:01:04.040 --> 00:01:05.696 after they give birth. 00:01:05.720 --> 00:01:07.416 That's a moral problem 00:01:07.440 --> 00:01:11.336 but today I'm also going to tell you why it's an economic problem. 00:01:11.360 --> 00:01:14.976 I got so annoyed and obsessed with the unreality of these images, 00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:17.016 which look nothing like my life, 00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:22.216 that I recently decided to shoot and star in a parody series of stock photos 00:01:22.240 --> 00:01:24.376 that I hoped the world would start to use 00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:28.656 just showing the really awkward reality of going back to work 00:01:28.680 --> 00:01:32.240 when your baby's food source is attached to your body. 00:01:33.320 --> 00:01:35.696 I'm just going to show you two of them. 00:01:35.720 --> 00:01:37.776 (Laughter) 00:01:37.800 --> 00:01:40.896 Nothing says "Give that girl a promotion" like leaking breast milk 00:01:40.920 --> 00:01:43.056 through your dress during a presentation. 00:01:43.080 --> 00:01:45.496 You'll notice that there's no baby in this photo, 00:01:45.520 --> 00:01:48.136 because that's not how this works, 00:01:48.160 --> 00:01:50.496 not for most working mothers. 00:01:50.520 --> 00:01:52.576 Did you know, and this will ruin your day, 00:01:52.600 --> 00:01:55.776 that every time a toilet is flushed, its contents are aerosolized 00:01:55.800 --> 00:01:58.216 and they'll stay airborne for hours? 00:01:58.240 --> 00:02:00.976 And yet, for many new working mothers, 00:02:01.000 --> 00:02:04.256 this is the only place during the day that they can find to make food 00:02:04.280 --> 00:02:05.600 for their newborn babies. 00:02:06.880 --> 00:02:10.336 I put these things, a whole dozen of them, into the world. 00:02:10.360 --> 00:02:11.976 I wanted to make a point. 00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:15.416 I didn't know what I was also doing was opening a door, 00:02:15.440 --> 00:02:18.976 because now, total strangers from all walks of life 00:02:19.000 --> 00:02:20.936 write to me all the time 00:02:20.960 --> 00:02:24.816 just to tell me what it's like for them to go back to work 00:02:24.840 --> 00:02:27.856 within days or weeks of having a baby. 00:02:27.880 --> 00:02:30.456 I'm going to share 10 of their stories with you today. 00:02:30.480 --> 00:02:33.856 They are totally real, some of them are very raw, 00:02:33.880 --> 00:02:36.920 and not one of them looks anything like this. 00:02:38.360 --> 00:02:40.136 Here's the first. 00:02:40.160 --> 00:02:43.856 "I was an active duty service member at a federal prison. 00:02:43.880 --> 00:02:48.256 I returned to work after the maximum allowed eight weeks for my C-section. 00:02:48.280 --> 00:02:52.336 A male coworker was annoyed that I had been out on 'vacation, ' 00:02:52.360 --> 00:02:55.789 so he intentionally opened the door on me while I was pumping breast milk 00:02:55.813 --> 00:02:59.856 and stood in the doorway with inmates in the hallway." 00:02:59.880 --> 00:03:03.176 Most of the stories that these women, total strangers, send to me now, 00:03:03.200 --> 00:03:05.456 are not actually even about breastfeeding. 00:03:05.480 --> 00:03:07.376 A woman wrote to me to say, 00:03:07.400 --> 00:03:12.176 "I gave birth to twins and went back to work after seven unpaid weeks. 00:03:12.200 --> 00:03:13.856 Emotionally, I was a wreck. 00:03:13.880 --> 00:03:18.216 Physically, I had a severe hemorrhage during labor, and major tearing, 00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:20.976 so I could barely get up, sit, or walk. 00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:24.856 My employer told me I wasn't allowed to use my available vacation days 00:03:24.880 --> 00:03:26.640 because it was budget season." 00:03:27.800 --> 00:03:32.416 I've come to believe that we can't look situations like these in the eye 00:03:32.440 --> 00:03:34.256 because then we'd be horrified, 00:03:34.280 --> 00:03:37.336 and if we get horrified, then we have to do something about it. 00:03:37.360 --> 00:03:41.216 So we choose to look at, and believe, this image. 00:03:41.240 --> 00:03:43.696 I don't really know what's going on in this picture, 00:03:43.720 --> 00:03:46.376 because I find it weird and slightly creepy. 00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:47.816 (Laughter) 00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:49.056 Like, what is she doing? 00:03:49.080 --> 00:03:53.096 But I know what it tells us. 00:03:53.120 --> 00:03:55.656 It tells us that everything's fine. 00:03:55.680 --> 00:03:59.416 This working mother, all working mothers, and all of their babies, are fine. 00:03:59.440 --> 00:04:01.416 There's nothing to see here. 00:04:01.440 --> 00:04:04.856 And anyway, women have made a choice, 00:04:04.880 --> 00:04:07.176 so none of it's even our problem. 00:04:07.200 --> 00:04:10.136 I want to break this choice thing down into two parts. 00:04:10.160 --> 00:04:13.776 The first choice says that women have chosen to work. 00:04:13.800 --> 00:04:16.016 So, that's not true. 00:04:16.040 --> 00:04:21.255 Today in America, women make up 47 percent of the workforce, 00:04:21.279 --> 00:04:23.256 and in 40 percent of American households, 00:04:23.280 --> 00:04:26.816 a woman is the sole or primary breadwinner. 00:04:26.840 --> 00:04:31.376 Our paid work is a part, a huge part, of the engine of this economy, 00:04:31.400 --> 00:04:34.176 and it is essential for the engines of our families. 00:04:34.200 --> 00:04:38.376 On a national level, our paid work is not optional. 00:04:38.400 --> 00:04:41.336 Choice number two says that women are choosing to have babies, 00:04:41.360 --> 00:04:44.480 so women alone should bear the consequences of those choices. 00:04:46.200 --> 00:04:47.976 You know, that's one of those things 00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:50.456 that when you hear it in passing, can sound correct. 00:04:50.480 --> 00:04:51.909 I didn't make you have a baby. 00:04:51.933 --> 00:04:54.016 I certainly wasn't there when that happened. 00:04:54.040 --> 00:05:00.056 But that stance ignores a fundamental truth, 00:05:00.080 --> 00:05:04.976 which is that our procreation on a national scale is not optional. 00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:09.496 The babies that women, many of them working women, are having today, 00:05:09.520 --> 00:05:12.736 will one day fill our workforce, protect our shores, 00:05:12.760 --> 00:05:14.576 make up our tax base. 00:05:14.600 --> 00:05:18.776 Our procreation on a national scale is not optional. 00:05:18.800 --> 00:05:20.176 These aren't choices. 00:05:20.200 --> 00:05:24.016 We need women to work. We need working women to have babies. 00:05:24.040 --> 00:05:26.517 So we should make doing those things at the same time 00:05:26.541 --> 00:05:27.941 at least palatable, right? 00:05:28.960 --> 00:05:31.656 OK, this is pop quiz time: 00:05:31.680 --> 00:05:34.616 what percentage of working women in America do you think 00:05:34.640 --> 00:05:38.160 have no access to paid maternity leave? 00:05:39.440 --> 00:05:40.640 88 percent. 00:05:41.873 --> 00:05:45.016 88 percent of working mothers will not get one minute of paid leave 00:05:45.040 --> 00:05:46.656 after they have a baby. 00:05:46.680 --> 00:05:50.296 So now you're thinking about unpaid leave. 00:05:50.320 --> 00:05:53.896 It exists in America. It's called FMLA. It does not work. 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:56.896 Because of the way it's structured, all kinds of exceptions, 00:05:56.920 --> 00:06:00.936 half of new mothers are ineligible for it. 00:06:00.960 --> 00:06:02.294 Here's what that looks like. 00:06:04.320 --> 00:06:06.136 "We adopted our son. 00:06:06.160 --> 00:06:10.376 When I got the call, the day he was born, I had to take off work. 00:06:10.400 --> 00:06:13.536 I had not been there long enough to qualify for FMLA, 00:06:13.560 --> 00:06:16.296 so I wasn't eligible for unpaid leave. 00:06:16.320 --> 00:06:18.736 When I took time off to meet my newborn son, 00:06:18.760 --> 00:06:19.960 I lost my job." 00:06:21.840 --> 00:06:26.736 These corporate stock photos hide another reality, another layer. 00:06:26.760 --> 00:06:30.376 Of those who do have access to just that unpaid leave, 00:06:30.400 --> 00:06:33.576 most women can't afford to take much of it at all. 00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:37.096 A nurse told me, "I didn't qualify for short-term disability 00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:41.176 because my pregnancy was considered a preexisting condition. 00:06:41.200 --> 00:06:43.867 We used up all of our tax returns and half of our savings 00:06:43.891 --> 00:06:45.736 during my six unpaid weeks. 00:06:45.760 --> 00:06:47.496 We just couldn't manage any longer. 00:06:47.520 --> 00:06:50.056 Physically it was hard, but emotionally it was worse. 00:06:50.080 --> 00:06:53.056 I struggled for months being away from my son." 00:06:53.080 --> 00:06:55.976 So this decision to go back to work so early, 00:06:56.000 --> 00:07:00.176 it's a rational economic decision driven by family finances, 00:07:00.200 --> 00:07:02.456 but it's often physically horrific 00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:06.016 because putting a human into the world is messy. 00:07:06.040 --> 00:07:07.456 A waitress told me, 00:07:07.480 --> 00:07:11.016 "With my first baby, I was back at work five weeks postpartum. 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:14.096 With my second, I had to have major surgery after giving birth, 00:07:14.120 --> 00:07:17.136 so I waited until six weeks to go back. 00:07:17.160 --> 00:07:19.240 I had third degree tears." 00:07:20.880 --> 00:07:23.936 Twenty-three percent of new working mothers in America 00:07:23.960 --> 00:07:28.560 will be back on the job within two weeks of giving birth. 00:07:30.320 --> 00:07:34.976 "I worked as a bartender and cook, average of 75 hours a week while pregnant. 00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:37.616 I had to return to work before my baby was a month old, 00:07:37.640 --> 00:07:39.656 working 60 hours a week. 00:07:39.680 --> 00:07:44.736 One of my coworkers was only able to afford 10 days off with her baby." 00:07:44.760 --> 00:07:48.936 Of course, this isn't just a scenario with economic and physical implications. 00:07:48.960 --> 00:07:54.136 Childbirth is, and always will be, an enormous psychological event. 00:07:54.160 --> 00:07:56.256 A teacher told me, 00:07:56.280 --> 00:07:59.256 "I returned to work eight weeks after my son was born. 00:07:59.280 --> 00:08:01.176 I already suffer from anxiety, 00:08:01.200 --> 00:08:06.296 but the panic attacks I had prior to returning to work were unbearable." 00:08:06.320 --> 00:08:08.416 Statistically speaking, 00:08:08.440 --> 00:08:11.136 the shorter a woman's leave after having a baby, 00:08:11.160 --> 00:08:14.376 the more likely she will be to suffer from postpartum mood disorders 00:08:14.400 --> 00:08:16.496 like depression and anxiety, 00:08:16.520 --> 00:08:20.536 and among many potential consequences of those disorders, 00:08:20.560 --> 00:08:23.696 suicide is the second most common cause of death 00:08:23.720 --> 00:08:25.600 in a woman's first year postpartum. 00:08:27.240 --> 00:08:28.816 Heads up that this next story -- 00:08:28.840 --> 00:08:33.416 I've never met this woman, but I find it hard to get through. 00:08:33.440 --> 00:08:37.616 "I feel tremendous grief and rage that I lost an essential, 00:08:37.640 --> 00:08:41.496 irreplaceable, and formative time with my son. 00:08:41.520 --> 00:08:44.936 Labor and delivery left me feeling absolutely broken. 00:08:44.960 --> 00:08:49.616 For months, all I remember is the screaming: colic, they said. 00:08:49.640 --> 00:08:51.776 On the inside, I was drowning. 00:08:51.800 --> 00:08:55.496 Every morning, I asked myself how much longer I could do it. 00:08:55.520 --> 00:08:58.696 I was allowed to bring my baby to work. 00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:01.856 I closed my office door while I rocked and shushed 00:09:01.880 --> 00:09:05.376 and begged him to stop screaming so I wouldn't get in trouble. 00:09:05.400 --> 00:09:07.456 I hid behind that office door every damn day 00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:09.416 and cried while he screamed. 00:09:09.440 --> 00:09:13.096 I cried in the bathroom while I washed out the pump equipment. 00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:16.256 Every day, I cried all the way to work and all the way home again. 00:09:16.280 --> 00:09:19.416 I promised my boss that the work I didn't get done during the day, 00:09:19.440 --> 00:09:21.096 I'd make up at night from home. 00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:24.920 I thought, there's just something wrong with me that I can't swing this." 00:09:26.520 --> 00:09:29.136 So those are the mothers. 00:09:29.160 --> 00:09:30.936 What of the babies? 00:09:30.960 --> 00:09:33.456 As a country, do we care about the millions of babies 00:09:33.480 --> 00:09:35.336 born every year to working mothers? 00:09:35.360 --> 00:09:36.696 I say we don't, 00:09:36.720 --> 00:09:40.176 not until they're of working and tax-paying and military-serving age. 00:09:40.200 --> 00:09:42.105 We tell them we'll see them in 18 years, 00:09:42.129 --> 00:09:43.891 and getting there is kind of on them. 00:09:45.854 --> 00:09:48.616 One of the reasons I know this is that babies whose mothers 00:09:48.640 --> 00:09:50.936 have 12 or more weeks at home with them 00:09:50.960 --> 00:09:54.936 are more likely to get their vaccinations and their well checks in their first year, 00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:59.656 so those babies are more protected from deadly and disabling diseases. 00:09:59.680 --> 00:10:02.920 But those things are hidden behind images like this. 00:10:06.280 --> 00:10:11.776 America has a message for new mothers who work and for their babies. 00:10:11.800 --> 00:10:15.576 Whatever time you get together, you should be grateful for it, 00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:18.336 and you're an inconvenience 00:10:18.360 --> 00:10:21.376 to the economy and to your employers. 00:10:21.400 --> 00:10:25.936 That narrative of gratitude runs through a lot of the stories I hear. 00:10:25.960 --> 00:10:27.616 A woman told me, 00:10:27.640 --> 00:10:29.816 "I went back at eight weeks after my C-section 00:10:29.840 --> 00:10:31.656 because my husband was out of work. 00:10:31.680 --> 00:10:34.416 Without me, my daughter had failure to thrive. 00:10:34.440 --> 00:10:35.736 She wouldn't take a bottle. 00:10:35.760 --> 00:10:37.376 She started losing weight. 00:10:37.400 --> 00:10:40.216 Thankfully, my manager was very understanding. 00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:41.776 He let my mom bring my baby, 00:10:41.800 --> 00:10:44.096 who was on oxygen and a monitor, 00:10:44.120 --> 00:10:46.240 four times a shift so I could nurse her." 00:10:47.960 --> 00:10:51.336 There's a little club of countries in the world 00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:55.216 that offer no national paid leave to new mothers. 00:10:55.240 --> 00:10:57.696 Care to guess who they are? 00:10:57.720 --> 00:11:01.656 The first eight make up eight million in total population. 00:11:01.680 --> 00:11:05.176 They are Papua New Guinea, Suriname, and the tiny island nations 00:11:05.200 --> 00:11:11.416 of Micronesia, Marshall Islands, Nauru, Niue, Palau, and Tonga. 00:11:11.440 --> 00:11:13.816 Number nine is the United States of America, 00:11:13.840 --> 00:11:15.920 with 320 million people. 00:11:17.320 --> 00:11:19.656 Oh, that's it. 00:11:19.680 --> 00:11:22.256 That's the end of the list. 00:11:22.280 --> 00:11:23.896 Every other economy on the planet 00:11:23.920 --> 00:11:27.816 has found a way to make some level of national paid leave work 00:11:27.840 --> 00:11:30.816 for the people doing the work of the future of those countries, 00:11:30.840 --> 00:11:34.896 but we say, "We couldn't possibly do that." 00:11:34.920 --> 00:11:37.416 We say that the market will solve this problem, 00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:41.776 and then we cheer when corporations offer even more paid leave to the women 00:11:41.800 --> 00:11:45.056 who are already the highest-educated and highest-paid among us. 00:11:45.080 --> 00:11:46.896 Remember that 88 percent? 00:11:46.920 --> 00:11:50.760 Those middle- and low-income women are not going to participate in that. 00:11:51.880 --> 00:11:57.336 We know that there are staggering economic, financial, physical, 00:11:57.360 --> 00:11:59.896 and emotional costs to this approach. 00:11:59.920 --> 00:12:03.936 We have decided -- decided, not an accident, 00:12:03.960 --> 00:12:07.896 to pass these costs directly on to working mothers and their babies. 00:12:07.920 --> 00:12:10.576 We know the price tag is higher for low-income women, 00:12:10.600 --> 00:12:13.376 therefore disproportionately for women of color. 00:12:13.400 --> 00:12:15.856 We pass them on anyway. 00:12:15.880 --> 00:12:18.496 All of this is to America's shame. 00:12:18.520 --> 00:12:22.416 But it's also to America's risk 00:12:22.440 --> 00:12:24.336 because what would happen 00:12:24.360 --> 00:12:28.416 if all of these individual so-called choices to have babies 00:12:28.440 --> 00:12:32.440 started to turn into individual choices not to have babies. 00:12:33.320 --> 00:12:35.016 One woman told me, 00:12:35.040 --> 00:12:38.296 "New motherhood is hard. It shouldn't be traumatic. 00:12:38.320 --> 00:12:40.576 When we talk about expanding our family now, 00:12:40.600 --> 00:12:44.896 we focus on how much time I would have to care for myself and a new baby. 00:12:44.920 --> 00:12:48.216 If we were to have to do it again the same way as with our first, 00:12:48.240 --> 00:12:49.880 we might stick with one kid." 00:12:51.800 --> 00:12:54.696 The birthrate needed in America to keep the population stable 00:12:54.720 --> 00:12:56.856 is 2.1 live births per woman. 00:12:56.880 --> 00:13:00.856 In America today, we are at 1.86. 00:13:00.880 --> 00:13:03.176 We need women to have babies, 00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:07.736 and we are actively disincentivizing working women from doing that. 00:13:07.760 --> 00:13:10.976 What would happen to work force, to innovation, to GDP, 00:13:11.000 --> 00:13:15.136 if one by one, the working mothers of this country were to decide 00:13:15.160 --> 00:13:18.520 that they can't bear to do this thing more than once? 00:13:19.680 --> 00:13:23.176 I'm here today with only one idea worth spreading, 00:13:23.200 --> 00:13:25.336 and you've guessed what it is. 00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:29.056 It is long since time for the most powerful country on Earth 00:13:29.080 --> 00:13:31.136 to offer national paid leave 00:13:31.160 --> 00:13:33.875 to the people doing the work of the future of this country 00:13:33.899 --> 00:13:36.776 and to the babies who represent that future. 00:13:36.800 --> 00:13:38.936 Childbirth is a public good. 00:13:38.960 --> 00:13:41.496 This leave should be state-subsidized. 00:13:41.520 --> 00:13:44.016 It should have no exceptions for small businesses, 00:13:44.040 --> 00:13:46.496 length of employment, or entrepreneurs. 00:13:46.520 --> 00:13:48.896 It should be able to be shared between partners. 00:13:48.920 --> 00:13:50.896 I've talked today a lot about mothers, 00:13:50.920 --> 00:13:53.600 but co-parents matter on so many levels. 00:13:55.520 --> 00:13:58.616 Not one more woman should have to go back to work 00:13:58.640 --> 00:14:01.816 while she is hobbling and bleeding. 00:14:01.840 --> 00:14:05.496 Not one more family should have to drain their savings account 00:14:05.520 --> 00:14:09.176 to buy a few days of rest and recovery and bonding. 00:14:09.200 --> 00:14:11.496 Not one more fragile infant 00:14:11.520 --> 00:14:14.456 should have to go directly from the incubator to day care 00:14:14.480 --> 00:14:17.176 because his parents have used up all of their meager time 00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:18.816 sitting in the NICU. 00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:21.698 Not one more working family should be told that the collision 00:14:21.722 --> 00:14:26.056 of their work, their needed work, and their needed parenthood, 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:27.560 is their problem alone. 00:14:28.760 --> 00:14:33.416 The catch is that when this is happening to a new family, it is consuming, 00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:36.216 and a family with a new baby is more financially vulnerable 00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:37.696 than they've ever been before, 00:14:37.720 --> 00:14:41.656 so that new mother cannot afford to speak up on her own behalf. 00:14:41.680 --> 00:14:43.896 But all of us have voices. 00:14:43.920 --> 00:14:47.496 I am done, done having babies, 00:14:47.520 --> 00:14:49.376 and you might be pre-baby, 00:14:49.400 --> 00:14:50.776 you might be post-baby, 00:14:50.800 --> 00:14:52.416 you might be no baby. 00:14:52.440 --> 00:14:54.296 It should not matter. 00:14:54.320 --> 00:14:56.736 We have to stop framing this as a mother's issue, 00:14:56.760 --> 00:14:58.456 or even a women's issue. 00:14:58.480 --> 00:15:00.040 This is an American issue. 00:15:02.200 --> 00:15:05.696 We need to stop buying the lie that these images tell us. 00:15:05.720 --> 00:15:07.976 We need to stop being comforted by them. 00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:10.656 We need to question why we're told that this can't work 00:15:10.680 --> 00:15:13.976 when we see it work everywhere all over the world. 00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:17.776 We need to recognize that this American reality 00:15:17.800 --> 00:15:21.416 is to our dishonor and to our peril, 00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:23.616 because this is not, 00:15:23.640 --> 00:15:25.256 this is not, 00:15:25.280 --> 00:15:28.760 and this is not what a working mother looks like. 00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:31.920 (Applause)