WEBVTT

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What does a working mother look like?

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If you ask the Internet,
this is what you'll be told.

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Never mind that this is
what you'll actually produce

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if you attempt to work at a computer
with a baby on your lap.

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(Laughter)

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But no, this is a working mother.

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You'll notice a theme in these photos.
We'll look at a lot of them.

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That theme is amazing natural lighting,

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which, as we all know,

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is the hallmark
of every American workplace.

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There are thousands of images like these.

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Just put the term "working mother"
into any Google Image search engine,

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stock photo site.

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They're all over the Internet,

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they're topping
blog posts and news pieces,

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and I've become kind of obsessed with them
and the lie that they tell us

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and the comfort that they give us,

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that when it comes
to new working motherhood in America,

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everything's fine.

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But it's not fine.

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As a country, we are sending
millions of women back to work

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every year, incredibly
and kind of horrifically soon

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after they give birth.

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That's a moral problem

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but today I'm also going to tell you
why it's an economic problem.

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I got so annoyed and obsessed
with the unreality of these images,

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which look nothing like my life,

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that I recently decided to shoot and star
in a parody series of stock photos

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that I hoped the world would start to use

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just showing the really awkward reality
of going back to work

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when your baby's food source
is attached to your body.

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I'm just going to show you two of them.

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(Laughter)

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Nothing says "Give that girl a promotion"
like leaking breast milk

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through your dress during a presentation.

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You'll notice that there's
no baby in this photo,

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because that's not how this works,

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not for most working mothers.

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Did you know, and this will ruin your day,

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that every time a toilet is flushed,
its contents are aerosolized

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and they'll stay airborne for hours?

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And yet, for many new working mothers,

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this is the only place during the day
that they can find to make food

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for their newborn babies.

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I put these things,
a whole dozen of them, into the world.

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I wanted to make a point.

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I didn't know what I was also doing
was opening a door,

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because now, total strangers
from all walks of life

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write to me all the time

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just to tell me what it's like
for them to go back to work

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within days or weeks of having a baby.

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I'm going to share
10 of their stories with you today.

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They are totally real,
some of them are very raw,

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and not one of them
looks anything like this.

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Here's the first.

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"I was an active duty
service member at a federal prison.

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I returned to work after the maximum
allowed eight weeks for my C-section.

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A male coworker was annoyed
that I had been out on 'vacation, '

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so he intentionally opened the door on me
while I was pumping breast milk

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and stood in the doorway
with inmates in the hallway."

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Most of the stories that these women,
total strangers, send to me now,

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are not actually even about breastfeeding.

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A woman wrote to me to say,

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"I gave birth to twins and went back
to work after seven unpaid weeks.

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Emotionally, I was a wreck.

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Physically, I had a severe hemorrhage
during labor, and major tearing,

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so I could barely get up, sit, or walk.

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My employer told me I wasn't allowed
to use my available vacation days

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because it was budget season."

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I've come to believe that we can't look
situations like these in the eye

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because then we'd be horrified,

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and if we get horrified,
then we have to do something about it.

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So we choose to look at,
and believe, this image.

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I don't really know
what's going on in this picture,

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because I find it weird
and slightly creepy.

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(Laughter)

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Like, what is she doing?

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But I know what it tells us.

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It tells us that everything's fine.

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This working mother, all working mothers,
and all of their babies, are fine.

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There's nothing to see here.

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And anyway, women have made a choice,

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so none of it's even our problem.

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I want to break this choice thing
down into two parts.

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The first choice says
that women have chosen to work.

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So, that's not true.

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Today in America, women make up
47 percent of the workforce,

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and in 40 percent of American households,

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a woman is the sole
or primary breadwinner.

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Our paid work is a part, a huge part,
of the engine of this economy,

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and it is essential
for the engines of our families.

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On a national level,
our paid work is not optional.

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Choice number two says that women
are choosing to have babies,

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so women alone should bear
the consequences of those choices.

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You know, that's one of those things

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that when you hear it in passing,
can sound correct.

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I didn't make you have a baby.

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I certainly wasn't there
when that happened.

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But that stance
ignores a fundamental truth,

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which is that our procreation
on a national scale is not optional.

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The babies that women, many of them
working women, are having today,

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will one day fill our workforce,
protect our shores,

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make up our tax base.

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Our procreation
on a national scale is not optional.

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These aren't choices.

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We need women to work.
We need working women to have babies.

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So we should make
doing those things at the same time

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at least palatable, right?

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OK, this is pop quiz time:

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what percentage of working
women in America do you think

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have no access to paid maternity leave?

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88 percent.

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88 percent of working mothers
will not get one minute of paid leave

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after they have a baby.

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So now you're thinking about unpaid leave.

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It exists in America.
It's called FMLA. It does not work.

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Because of the way it's structured,
all kinds of exceptions,

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half of new mothers are ineligible for it.

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Here's what that looks like.

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"We adopted our son.

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When I got the call, the day he was born,
I had to take off work.

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I had not been there long enough
to qualify for FMLA,

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so I wasn't eligible for unpaid leave.

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When I took time off
to meet my newborn son,

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I lost my job."

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These corporate stock photos
hide another reality, another layer.

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Of those who do have access
to just that unpaid leave,

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most women can't afford
to take much of it at all.

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A nurse told me, "I didn't qualify
for short-term disability

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because my pregnancy
was considered a preexisting condition.

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We used up all of our tax returns
and half of our savings

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during my six unpaid weeks.

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We just couldn't manage any longer.

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Physically it was hard,
but emotionally it was worse.

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I struggled for months
being away from my son."

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So this decision
to go back to work so early,

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it's a rational economic decision
driven by family finances,

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but it's often physically horrific

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because putting a human
into the world is messy.

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A waitress told me,

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"With my first baby, I was back
at work five weeks postpartum.

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With my second, I had to have
major surgery after giving birth,

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so I waited until six weeks to go back.

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I had third degree tears."

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Twenty-three percent
of new working mothers in America

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will be back on the job
within two weeks of giving birth.

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"I worked as a bartender and cook,
average of 75 hours a week while pregnant.

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I had to return to work
before my baby was a month old,

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working 60 hours a week.

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One of my coworkers was only able
to afford 10 days off with her baby."

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Of course, this isn't just a scenario
with economic and physical implications.

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Childbirth is, and always will be,
an enormous psychological event.

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A teacher told me,

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"I returned to work
eight weeks after my son was born.

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I already suffer from anxiety,

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but the panic attacks I had prior
to returning to work were unbearable."

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Statistically speaking,

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the shorter a woman's leave
after having a baby,

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the more likely she will be to suffer
from postpartum mood disorders

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like depression and anxiety,

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and among many potential
consequences of those disorders,

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suicide is the second
most common cause of death

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in a woman's first year postpartum.

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Heads up that this next story --

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I've never met this woman,
but I find it hard to get through.

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"I feel tremendous grief and rage
that I lost an essential,

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irreplaceable, and formative
time with my son.

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Labor and delivery
left me feeling absolutely broken.

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For months, all I remember
is the screaming: colic, they said.

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On the inside, I was drowning.

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Every morning, I asked myself
how much longer I could do it.

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I was allowed to bring my baby to work.

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I closed my office door
while I rocked and shushed

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and begged him to stop screaming
so I wouldn't get in trouble.

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I hid behind that office door
every damn day

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and cried while he screamed.

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I cried in the bathroom
while I washed out the pump equipment.

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Every day, I cried all the way to work
and all the way home again.

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I promised my boss that the work
I didn't get done during the day,

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I'd make up at night from home.

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I thought, there's just something
wrong with me that I can't swing this."

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So those are the mothers.

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What of the babies?

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As a country, do we care
about the millions of babies

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born every year to working mothers?

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I say we don't,

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not until they're of working
and tax-paying and military-serving age.

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We tell them we'll see them in 18 years,

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and getting there is kind of on them.

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One of the reasons I know this
is that babies whose mothers

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have 12 or more weeks at home with them

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are more likely to get their vaccinations
and their well checks in their first year,

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so those babies are more protected
from deadly and disabling diseases.

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But those things are hidden
behind images like this.

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America has a message for new mothers
who work and for their babies.

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Whatever time you get together,
you should be grateful for it,

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and you're an inconvenience

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to the economy and to your employers.

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That narrative of gratitude
runs through a lot of the stories I hear.

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A woman told me,

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"I went back at eight weeks
after my C-section

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because my husband was out of work.

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Without me, my daughter
had failure to thrive.

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She wouldn't take a bottle.

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She started losing weight.

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Thankfully, my manager
was very understanding.

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He let my mom bring my baby,

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who was on oxygen and a monitor,

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four times a shift so I could nurse her."

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There's a little club
of countries in the world

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that offer no national
paid leave to new mothers.

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Care to guess who they are?

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The first eight make up eight million
in total population.

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They are Papua New Guinea,
Suriname, and the tiny island nations

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of Micronesia, Marshall Islands,
Nauru, Niue, Palau, and Tonga.

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Number nine is the United
States of America,

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with 320 million people.

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Oh, that's it.

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That's the end of the list.

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Every other economy on the planet

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has found a way to make some level
of national paid leave work

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for the people doing the work
of the future of those countries,

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but we say,
"We couldn't possibly do that."

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We say that the market
will solve this problem,

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and then we cheer when corporations
offer even more paid leave to the women

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who are already the highest-educated
and highest-paid among us.

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Remember that 88 percent?

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Those middle- and low-income women
are not going to participate in that.

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We know that there are staggering
economic, financial, physical,

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and emotional costs to this approach.

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We have decided --
decided, not an accident,

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to pass these costs directly
on to working mothers and their babies.

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We know the price tag is higher
for low-income women,

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therefore disproportionately
for women of color.

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We pass them on anyway.

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All of this is to America's shame.

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But it's also to America's risk

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because what would happen

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if all of these individual
so-called choices to have babies

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started to turn into individual choices
not to have babies.

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One woman told me,

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"New motherhood is hard.
It shouldn't be traumatic.

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When we talk about expanding
our family now,

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we focus on how much time I would have
to care for myself and a new baby.

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If we were to have to do it again
the same way as with our first,

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we might stick with one kid."

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The birthrate needed in America
to keep the population stable

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is 2.1 live births per woman.

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In America today, we are at 1.86.

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We need women to have babies,

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and we are actively disincentivizing
working women from doing that.

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What would happen to work force,
to innovation, to GDP,

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if one by one, the working mothers
of this country were to decide

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that they can't bear
to do this thing more than once?

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I'm here today with only
one idea worth spreading,

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and you've guessed what it is.

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It is long since time
for the most powerful country on Earth

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to offer national paid leave

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to the people doing the work
of the future of this country

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and to the babies
who represent that future.

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Childbirth is a public good.

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This leave should be state-subsidized.

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It should have no exceptions
for small businesses,

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length of employment, or entrepreneurs.

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It should be able
to be shared between partners.

00:13:48.920 --> 00:13:50.896
I've talked today a lot about mothers,

00:13:50.920 --> 00:13:53.600
but co-parents matter on so many levels.

00:13:55.520 --> 00:13:58.616
Not one more woman
should have to go back to work

00:13:58.640 --> 00:14:01.816
while she is hobbling and bleeding.

00:14:01.840 --> 00:14:05.496
Not one more family should have
to drain their savings account

00:14:05.520 --> 00:14:09.176
to buy a few days
of rest and recovery and bonding.

00:14:09.200 --> 00:14:11.496
Not one more fragile infant

00:14:11.520 --> 00:14:14.456
should have to go directly
from the incubator to day care

00:14:14.480 --> 00:14:17.176
because his parents have used up
all of their meager time

00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:18.816
sitting in the NICU.

00:14:18.840 --> 00:14:21.698
Not one more working family
should be told that the collision

00:14:21.722 --> 00:14:26.056
of their work, their needed work,
and their needed parenthood,

00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:27.560
is their problem alone.

00:14:28.760 --> 00:14:33.416
The catch is that when this is happening
to a new family, it is consuming,

00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:36.216
and a family with a new baby
is more financially vulnerable

00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:37.696
than they've ever been before,

00:14:37.720 --> 00:14:41.656
so that new mother cannot afford
to speak up on her own behalf.

00:14:41.680 --> 00:14:43.896
But all of us have voices.

00:14:43.920 --> 00:14:47.496
I am done, done having babies,

00:14:47.520 --> 00:14:49.376
and you might be pre-baby,

00:14:49.400 --> 00:14:50.776
you might be post-baby,

00:14:50.800 --> 00:14:52.416
you might be no baby.

00:14:52.440 --> 00:14:54.296
It should not matter.

00:14:54.320 --> 00:14:56.736
We have to stop framing this
as a mother's issue,

00:14:56.760 --> 00:14:58.456
or even a women's issue.

00:14:58.480 --> 00:15:00.040
This is an American issue.

00:15:02.200 --> 00:15:05.696
We need to stop buying the lie
that these images tell us.

00:15:05.720 --> 00:15:07.976
We need to stop being comforted by them.

00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:10.656
We need to question
why we're told that this can't work

00:15:10.680 --> 00:15:13.976
when we see it work
everywhere all over the world.

00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:17.776
We need to recognize
that this American reality

00:15:17.800 --> 00:15:21.416
is to our dishonor and to our peril,

00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:23.616
because this is not,

00:15:23.640 --> 00:15:25.256
this is not,

00:15:25.280 --> 00:15:28.760
and this is not
what a working mother looks like.

00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:31.920
(Applause)