-You're going to be an aunt.
-Oh, shut up!

. . .I hope they have his old
hairline and your old nose!

. . .and you guys end up getting
married and having kids. . .

And, Min, you know,
if everything works out. . .

He told me. No, it's okay.
Really, it's okay.

Hi, Mindy!

Hi, it's Rachel.

I hope you two are very happy.
I really do.

I know it was a cheap shot,
but I feel so much better now!

Yeah, I'm fine.
I saw Barry today.

You guys don't understand.

For us, kissing is as
important as any part of it.

Yeah, right!

You serious?

Oh, yeah!

All you need to know
is in the first kiss.

Absolutely.

For us, kissing's an opening act. . .

. . .like the comedian
you have to sit through. . .

. . .before Pink Floyd comes out.

And it's not that
we don't like the comedian.

It's just that that's not. . .

. . .why we bought the ticket.

The problem is, after the concert,
no matter how great the show was. . .

. . .you girls are always looking
for the comedian again.

We're in the car, fighting traffic. . .

. . .just trying to stay awake.

Well, word of advice:
Bring back the comedian.

Or next time you'll find yourself
listening to that album alone.

Are we still talking about sex?

The One With the Sonogram at the End

English Subtitles by
GELULA & CO., INC.

No, it's good.
It is good.

It's just that doesn't she seem
a little angry?

Well, she has issues.

Does she?

He's out banging other women
with a club. . .

. . .while she's home getting
the mastodon smell out of the carpet.

Marsha, see, these are cave people.

Okay, they have issues like:

''Gee, that glacier's
getting kind of close! '' See?

Speaking of issues,
isn't that your ex-wife?

Yes, it is. Carol, hi!

Okay. Yes, it is.

I'll catch up with you
in the Ice Age.

Hi.

So. . . .

You look great.

I hate that.

Sorry.

Thanks. You look good too.

Well, you know,
in here, anyone who. . .

. . .stands erect. . . .

So what's new?
Still a--

A lesbian?

You never know.

How's the family?

Marty's still totally paranoid.

Carol, why are you here?

I'm pregnant.

Pregnant!

She didn 't leave
in such a hurry after all.

This is the Three's Company episode
where's there's a misunderstanding.

Then I've already seen this one.

Are you through with that?

Sorry, the swallowing
slowed me down.

Whose ball of paper is this?

That's mine. I wrote a note to
myself, then I didn't need it.

So I balled it up
and now I wish I was dead.

She already fluffed that pillow.
You already fluffed-- It's fine.

I don't want to give them
any more ammunition than they have.

We know how cruel parents can be. . .

. . .about the flatness
of a child's pillow.

Monica? Hi!

Monica, you're scaring me.

I mean, you're all chaotic
and twirly, you know?

Not in a good way.

Yeah, calm down.

You don't see Ross getting chaotic
and twirly every time they come.

That's because my parents think
Ross can do no wrong.

You see, he's ''The Prince. ''

Apparently they had some big ceremony
before I was born.

-What?
-Ugly Naked Guy got a ThighMaster.

-Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
-Yeah, it's beautiful!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

No, don't touch that.

Like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough
having to return it to him.

''Barry, remember me?
I'm the girl. . .

. . .that stomped on your heart
in front of your family''

Now I must return the ring,
without the ring. . .

. . .which makes it so much harder.

Easy, we'll find it.
Won't we?

Okay, look.

When did you have it last?

Doy! Probably
right before she lost it.

You don't get
a lot of ''doy'' these days.

I know I had it this morning.

I know I had it when I was
in the kitchen with. . . .

Dinah?

Oh, don't be mad.

-You didn't!
-Oh, I'm sorry.

I gave you one job!

But look how straight
those noodles are.

That's not how you look
for an engagement ring in a lasagna.

I just can't do it.

Boys?

We're going in!

Hi.

That is not a happy ''hi. ''

Carol's pregnant.

I found it!

Yeah.

Do that for two hours. . .

. . .you might be where I am
right about now.

That puts that whole
pillow thing in perspective.

How do you fit
into this whole thing?

Carol says she and Susan
want me to be involved.

But if I'm not comfortable with it,
I don't have to be involved.

Basically, it's totally up to me.

She is so great.
I miss her.

What does she mean by ''involved''?

Presumably, the biggest
part of your job is done.

Anyway, they want me
to go down to this. . .

. . .sonogram thing
with them tomorrow.

What'll you do?

I have no idea.

No matter what I do, though,
I'm still gonna be a father.

This is still ruined, right?

Martha Lugwin's daughter
is going to call you.

What's that curry taste?

Curry.

I think they're great.
I really do.

Remember the Lugwins?
The big one had a thing for you.

They all had a thing for him!

Oh, Mom!

Why is this girl going to call me?

She just graduated, and she wants
to be something in cooking, food. . .

. . .or I don't know.

I told her you had a restaurant.

I don't have a restaurant.
I work in a restaurant.

They don't have to know that.

Ross, help me with the spaghetti.

Oh, we're having spaghetti.
That's. . .

. . .easy.

This'll sound unbelievably selfish
on my part. . .

. . .but did you plan on bringing
up the baby/lesbian thing?

It'd take the heat off of me.

What Rachel did to her life!
We ran into her parents at the club.

They were not playing very well.

I won't say what they
spent on that wedding. . .

. . .but $40,000 is a lot of money.

At least she had the chance
to leave a man at the altar.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

-It's an expression.
-No, it's not.

Don't listen to her!
You've always been independent.

Even when you were a kid,
and you were chubby. . .

. . .and you had no friends,
you were just fine.

You'd read alone in your room.
And your puzzles. . . .

There are people, like Ross,
who need to shoot for the stars.

With his museum and
his papers getting published.

Others are satisfied as they are.

I'm telling you, these are
the people who never get cancer.

I read about women trying
to have it all, and I thank God. . .

. . .our little Harmonica
doesn't have that problem.

So, Ross, what's going on with you?

Any stories? No news, no little
anecdotes to share with the folks?

Look, I realize you guys
have been wondering. . .

. . .what exactly happened
between Carol and me.

So here's the deal.

Carol's a lesbian.

She's living with a woman named Susan.

She's pregnant with my child.

And she and Susan are
going to raise the baby.

And you knew about this?

Your folks are really that bad?

Well, you know, these people are pros.

They know what they do.
They take their time.

They get the job done!

Boy, I know they say that
you can't change your parents.

Boy, if you could, I'd want yours.

Must pee!

It's worse when you're twins.

-You're a twin?
-Yeah. We don't speak.

She's this high-powered,
driven, career-type.

-What does she do?
-She's a waitress.

All right. You guys,
I kind of gotta clean up now.

Chandler, you're an only child.
You don't have any of this.

No, although I did have
an imaginary friend. . .

. . .who my parents preferred.

Hit the lights, please.

How long was I in there?

I'm just cleaning up.

Do you need any help?

Okay, sure. Thanks.

Anyway. . . .

So you nervous
about Barry tomorrow?

A little.

A lot.

So, got any advice?

You know, as someone
who's recently been dumped.

Well, you may want to steer clear
of the word ''dumped. ''

Chances are he's going to be this
broken shell of a man. You know?

You should try not to look too terrific.
I know it'll be hard.

You know, I'll go down there,
and I'll give Barry back his ring.

And you can go with Carol
and Susan to the OB-G YN.

You've got Carol tomorrow.

When did it get so complicated?

Got me.

Remember when we were
in high school together?

Didn't you think you'd meet someone. . .

. . .fall in love, and that'd be it?

Man! I never thought I'd be here.

Me neither.

Sorry I'm late.
I got stuck at work.

There was this big
dinosaur thing. Anyway. . . .

Hi.

-You remember Susan.
-How could I forget?

Hello, Susan.
Good shake, good shake.

So we're just waiting for. . .?

-Dr. Oberman.
-And is he--?

-She.
-Of course, ''she. ''

Is she familiar with our
special situation?

Yes, and she's very supportive.

Great! Okay, that's great!

No, I'm. . . .

Thanks.

That opens my cervix.

Barry?

Come on in.

Are you sure?

It's fine, it's fine.
Robbie's gonna be here for hours.

So how are you doing?

I'm. . . .

I'm okay.

You look great.

Dr. Farber, Jason
Greenspan 's gagging.

Be right there.
I'll be back in a second.

I dumped him.

So how's this going to work. . .

. . .you know, with us?

You know, when important
decisions have to be made?

Give me a ''for instance. ''

Well, I don't know.

-How about with the baby's name?
-Marlon. . .

. . .if it's a boy.
Minnie, if it's a girl.

As in ''Mouse''?

As in my grandmother.

Still, you say ''Minnie,''
you hear ''Mouse. ''

How about. . . .

How about ''Julia''?

Julia.

We agreed on Minnie.

We agreed we'd spend
our lives together.

Things change.
Roll with the punches.

I believe Julia's on the table.

Sorry about that.

So what have you been up to?

Not much.

I got a job.

That's great!

Why are you so tan?

I went to Aruba.

Oh, no!
You went on our honeymoon alone?

No.

See, I went with. . . .

-Now, this may hurt.
-Me?

I went with Mindy.

Mindy?

My maid of honor?

We're kind of a thing now.

You got plugs!

Careful, careful. They
haven't quite taken yet.

And you got lenses.

But you hate sticking
your finger in your eye.

Not for her.

Listen, I really
wanted to thank you.

A month ago,
I wanted to hurt you. . .

. . .more than I've ever
wanted to hurt anyone.

And I'm an orthodontist.

You know, you were right.

I thought we were happy.

We weren't.

But with Mindy. . .

. . .now I'm happy.

-Spit.
-What?

Me.

Anyway. . . .

I guess this belongs to you.

And thank you for giving it to me.

Well, thank you for giving it back.

Hello!

Oh, please!
What's wrong with Helen?

Helen Geller?

l don't think so!

It's not gonna be Helen Geller.

Thank you.

No. I mean, it's not Geller.

It'll be Helen Willick?

Actually, we talked about
Helen Willick Bunch.

Well, wait a minute.
Why is she in the title?

It's my baby too.

Really? I don't remember
you making any sperm.

And we all know what
a challenge that is.

You two, stop it!

She gets a credit!
I'm in there too!

Not Helen Willick Bunch Geller.
I think that borders on child abuse.

Of course not!
I'm suggesting Geller Willick Bunch.

He knows no one will
say all those names.

They'll end up calling her Geller.
Then he gets his way.

My way?
You think this is my way?

Of all the ways I ever imagined
this moment in my life being. . .

. . .this is not my way. You know what?
This is too hard.

Knock, knock!
How are we today? Any nausea?

-A little.
-Just a little.

I was just wondering about the
mother-to-be, but thanks for sharing.

Lie back.

You know what? I'm gonna go.

I don't think I can be involved
in this particular family thing.

Oh, my God!

Look at that!

I know!

Well, isn't that amazing?

What are we supposed to see?

I don't know, but I think it's about
to attack the Enterprise.

If you tilt your head
to the left and relax your eyes. . .

. . .it kind of looks
like an old potato.

Then don't do that, all right?

What do you think?

Are you welling up?

You are.

-You are. You're welling up.
-I'm not.