WEBVTT

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What is love?

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It's a hard term to define

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in so far as it has
a very wide application.

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I can love jogging,

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I can love a book, a movie.

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I can love escalopes...

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I can love my wife.

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(Laughter)

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But there's a great difference 
between an escalope and my wife,

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for instance.

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That is, if I value the escalope,

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the escalope, on the other hand,
it doesn't value me back.

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Whereas my wife, she calls me

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the star of her life.

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Therefore, only another
desiring conscience

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can conceive me as a desirable being.

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I know this, that's why

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love can be defined in a more accurate way

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as the desire of being desired.

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Hence the eternal problem of love:

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how to become and remain desirable?

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Once, the individual would find

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an answer to this problem

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by submitting his life to community rules.

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they had a specific part to play

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according to their sex, their age,

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their social status, 
and they only had to play their part

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to be valued and loved
by the whole community.

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Think about the young maiden

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that must remain chaste
before the wedding.

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Think about the youngest son 
who must obey the eldest son,

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who in turn must obey the patriarch.

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But a phenomenon

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started in the 13th century,

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and happened mainly
in the Renaissance in the West.

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It caused the biggest identity crisis

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in the history of humankind.

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This phenomenon is modernity.

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We can basically summarize it

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by a triple process. First,

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a rationalization process
of scientific research,

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that has accelerated technical progress.

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Next, a political democratization process,

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that has developed individual rights.

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And finally, a rationalization process 
of the economic production

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and of trade liberalization.

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These three intertwined processes

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have completely annihilated
all the traditional

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markers of the Western societies.

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It brings a radical consequence
for the individual.

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Now, the individual is free

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to value or devalue

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this attitude, this choice, this object.

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But as a result, their own self

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is confronted to this
same freedom that others have

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to value or devalue them.

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In other words, my former value

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was ensured by submitting myself 
to the traditional authorities.

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Now, it is quoted in the stock exchange.

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On the free market of individual desires

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I negotiate my value every day.

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Hence the contemporary man's anguish.

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His obsession: "Am I desirable? How much?

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How many people are going to love me?"

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How does he respond to this anguish?

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Well, by hysterically accumulating

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the symbols of desirability.

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(Laughter)

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I call this accumulation,

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along with others, the seduction capital.

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Indeed, our consumer society
is largely based

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on the seduction capital.

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It is said about consumption 
that our age is materialistic.

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But it's not true! We accumulate objects

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in order to communicate with other minds.

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We do it to make them love us,
to seduce them.

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Nothing is less materialistic
or more sentimental

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than a teenager buying brand new jeans

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and tearing it at the knees,

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because he wants to please Jennifer.

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(Laughter)

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Consumerism is not materialism.

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It is rather engulfed matter,

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sacrificed in the name of the Love god,

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or rather in the name
of the seduction capital.

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In the light of this observation
on today's love,

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how can we think the love
of the years to come?

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We can envision two hypotheses.

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The first one consists
in betting on an intensification

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of the narcissistic capitalisation process.

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It is hard to say what shape
this intensification will take,

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because it largely depends

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on social and technical innovations,

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which are, by definition,
difficult to predict.

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But we can, for instance,

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imagine a dating website

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which, a bit like the fidelity programs,

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works with seduction capital points

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that vary according to my age,
my height/weight ratio,

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my degree, my salary,

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or the number of clicks
collected on my profile.

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We can also imagine

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a chemical treatment for breakups

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that weakens the attachment feeling.

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By the way, there's a program
on MTV already

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in which seduction teachers

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treat heartache as a disease.

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These teachers call themselves
"pick-up artists".

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"Artist" in French is easy,
it means "artiste".

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To "pick-up" is to pick up someone,

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but it's about picking up chicks.

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So they are artists at picking up chicks.

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(Laughter)

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And they call heartache "one-itis".

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In English, "itis" is a suffix
that means infection.

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One-itis can be translated
as "the infection of the one".

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It's a bit disgusting.
Indeed, for the pick-up artists,

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falling in love with someone

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is a waste of time,
it's squandering your seduction capital.

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So it must be eliminated like a disease,
an infection.

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We can also envision

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an amorous use of the genomic map.

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Everyone would carry it around

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and present it like a business card

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to verify if seduction can develop
into reproduction.

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(Laughter)

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Certainly this seduction rush,

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like every fierce competition, will entail

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big disparities
in narcissistic satisfaction,

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and therefore a lot of loneliness
and frustration too.

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So we can expect that modernity itself,

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when the seduction capital
comes into being,

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from which the seduction capital
originates, to be challenged.

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I'm thinking particularly
of the communitarian reactions

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of a neo-fascist or religious type.

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But such a future doesn't have to be.

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Another path to think about love
may be possible.

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But how?

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How to renounce the hysterical need
to be valued?

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Well, by becoming aware

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of my uselessness.
(Laughter)

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Yes,

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I'm useless.

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But rest assured:

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so are you.

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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We are all useless.

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This uselessness
is pretty easy to demonstrate,

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because to be valued

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I need another to desire me,

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which implies that I do not have
any value by myself.

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I don't have any value in myself.

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We all pretend to have an idol.

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We all pretend to be someone's idol,
but actually

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we are all impostors,
a bit like the man who goes by

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lording it indifferently
over everyone in the street,

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while he has actually anticipated
and calculated

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everything so that all eyes are on him.

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I think that becoming aware

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of this general imposture

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that concerns all of us

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would pacify our love relationships.

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It is because I want to be loved

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from head to toe,

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and to be justified in my every choice,

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that seduction hysteria exists.

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And therefore I want to look perfect

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so that another can love me.

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I want them to be perfect

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so that they can reassure me
about my value.

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and it leads to couples obsessed

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with performance

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who will break up precisely

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at the slightest underachievement.

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In contrast to this attitude,

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I call upon tenderness,
upon love as tenderness.

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What is tenderness?

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To be tender is to accept
the loved one's weaknesses.

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It's not about becoming a sad couple

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of orderlies.
(Laughter)

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There's plenty

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of charm and happiness in tenderness.

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I refer specifically to a kind of humour
that is unfortunately uncommon.

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It is a sort of poetry
of unabashed clumsiness.

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I refer to self-mockery.

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For a couple who is no longer sustained,
supported

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by the constraints of tradition,

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I believe that self-mockery

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is one of the best means
for the relationship to last.

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There is a lot of beauty

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and humanity in the fact of understanding

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that I am too small, too mediocre

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to confront the other and harm them,
and vice versa.

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In this regard,
I would like to conclude this talk

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letting you contemplate and meditate

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on a sentence that you may already know,

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but I believe it really deserves to be

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rediscovered everyday:

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♪ Us mere nothings should not be tearing♪

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♪ each other apart ♪

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♪ Music! ♪

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(Applause)