0:00:01.101,0:00:02.752
My name is Hannah,

0:00:02.752,0:00:05.363
and that is a palindrome.

0:00:05.363,0:00:12.151
That is a word you can spell[br]the same forwards and backwards,

0:00:12.151,0:00:13.659
if you can spell.

0:00:13.659,0:00:19.048
But the thing is, my entire family[br]have palindromic names.

0:00:19.320,0:00:21.407
It's a bit of a tradition.

0:00:21.407,0:00:25.090
We've got Mum, Dad,

0:00:25.648,0:00:26.589
(Laughter)

0:00:26.589,0:00:29.054
Nan, Pop.

0:00:30.511,0:00:33.836
And my brother Kayak.

0:00:33.836,0:00:35.766
(Laughter)

0:00:35.766,0:00:38.083
There you go.

0:00:38.083,0:00:39.729
That's just a big a joke, there.

0:00:39.729,0:00:40.861
(Laughter)

0:00:40.861,0:00:43.689
I like to kick things off with a joke[br]because I'm a comedian.

0:00:43.689,0:00:46.199
Now, there's two things[br]you know about me already.

0:00:46.199,0:00:47.545
My name's Hannah and I'm a comedian.

0:00:47.545,0:00:49.178
I wasting no time.

0:00:49.178,0:00:51.645
Here's a third thing[br]you can know about me.

0:00:51.645,0:00:55.691
I don't think I'm qualified[br]to speak my own mind.

0:00:55.691,0:00:58.011
Bold way to begin a talk, yes,

0:00:58.011,0:00:59.919
but it's true.

0:00:59.919,0:01:03.172
I've always had a great deal of difficulty

0:01:03.172,0:01:05.576
turning my thinking into the talking.

0:01:05.859,0:01:09.198
So it seems a bit of a contradiction then

0:01:09.198,0:01:10.514
that someone like me[br]who is so bad at the chat

0:01:10.514,0:01:13.571
could be something like[br]a stand-up comedian,

0:01:13.571,0:01:15.938
but there you go. There you go.

0:01:15.938,0:01:17.184
It's what it is.

0:01:17.184,0:01:21.123
I first tried my hand[br]at stand-up comedi--, comedie.

0:01:21.123,0:01:22.271
See? See? See?

0:01:22.271,0:01:25.375
(Laughter)

0:01:25.375,0:01:28.300
I first tried my hand at stand-up comedy

0:01:28.300,0:01:29.490
in my late 20s,

0:01:29.490,0:01:29.740
and despite being a pathologically shy[br]virtual mute with low self-esteem

0:01:34.807,0:01:36.798
who'd never held a microphone before,

0:01:36.798,0:01:41.751
I knew as soon as I walked[br]and stood in front of the audience,

0:01:41.751,0:01:44.774
I knew, before I'd even[br]landed my first joke,

0:01:44.774,0:01:47.821
I knew that I really liked stand-up,

0:01:47.821,0:01:50.306
and stand-up really liked me.

0:01:50.306,0:01:53.776
But for the life of me,[br]I couldn't work out why.

0:01:53.776,0:01:58.924
Why is it I could be so good[br]at doing something I was so bad at?

0:01:59.599,0:02:00.809
(Laughter)

0:02:00.809,0:02:03.439
I just couldn't work it out.

0:02:03.439,0:02:04.473
I could not understand it,[br]that is until I could.

0:02:04.473,0:02:08.060
Now before I explain to you why it is

0:02:08.060,0:02:11.470
that I can be good[br]at something I'm so bad at,

0:02:11.470,0:02:14.194
let me throw another spanner[br]of contradiction into the works

0:02:14.194,0:02:18.716
by telling you that not long after[br]I worked out why that was,

0:02:18.716,0:02:20.788
I decided to quit comedy.

0:02:21.264,0:02:24.497
And before I explain[br]that little oppositional cat

0:02:24.497,0:02:26.778
I just threw among the thinking pigeons,

0:02:26.778,0:02:29.251
let me also tell you this:

0:02:29.251,0:02:32.266
quitting launched my comedy career.

0:02:32.266,0:02:34.247
(Laughter)

0:02:34.247,0:02:37.428
It really launched it, to the point[br]where after quitting comedy,

0:02:37.428,0:02:41.295
I became the most talked-about[br]comedian on the planet,

0:02:41.295,0:02:44.871
because apparently I'm even worse[br]than making retirement plans

0:02:44.871,0:02:48.150
than I am at speaking my own mind.

0:02:48.806,0:02:54.370
Now, all I've done up until this point[br]apart from giving over a spattering

0:02:54.370,0:02:58.595
of biographical detail is to tell you[br]indirectly that I have three ideas

0:02:58.595,0:03:00.250
that I want to share with you today,

0:03:00.250,0:03:04.010
and I've done that by way of sharing[br]three contradictions:

0:03:04.010,0:03:07.853
one, I am bad at talking,[br]I am good at talking;

0:03:07.853,0:03:09.718
I quit, I did not quit.

0:03:09.718,0:03:12.015
Three ideas, three contradictions.

0:03:12.015,0:03:14.541
Now, if you're wondering[br]why there's only two things

0:03:14.541,0:03:16.147
on my so-called list of three

0:03:16.147,0:03:16.981
(Laughter)

0:03:16.981,0:03:19.461
I remind you it is literally[br]a list of contradictions.

0:03:19.461,0:03:20.538
Keep up.

0:03:20.538,0:03:23.294
(Laughter)

0:03:23.485,0:03:27.776
Now, the folks at TED advised me[br]that with a talk of this length,

0:03:27.776,0:03:31.276
it's best to stick[br]with just sharing one idea.

0:03:31.276,0:03:32.699
I said no.

0:03:32.699,0:03:35.551
(Laughter)

0:03:35.551,0:03:37.345
Now, what would they know?

0:03:37.345,0:03:43.035
To explain why I have chosen to ignore[br]what is clearly very good advice,

0:03:43.035,0:03:45.978
I want to take you back[br]to the beginning of this talk,

0:03:45.978,0:03:47.325
specifically my palindrome joke.

0:03:47.325,0:03:51.472
Now that joke uses my favorite trick[br]of the comedian trade,

0:03:51.472,0:03:52.704
the rule of three,

0:03:52.704,0:03:54.098
whereby you make a statement

0:03:54.098,0:03:56.254
and then back that statement up

0:03:56.254,0:03:57.077
with a list.

0:03:57.077,0:03:59.530
My entire family have palindromic names:

0:03:59.530,0:04:03.035
Mum, Dad, Nan, Pop.

0:04:03.035,0:04:07.216
The first two ideas on that list[br]create a pattern,

0:04:07.216,0:04:08.914
and that pattern creates expectation,

0:04:08.914,0:04:10.192
and then the third thing, bam,

0:04:10.192,0:04:12.948
Kayak, what? That's the rule of three.

0:04:12.948,0:04:15.211
One, two, surprise! Haha.

0:04:15.211,0:04:18.361
Now (Laughter)

0:04:18.361,0:04:25.950
Now the rule of three is not only[br]fundamental to the way I do my craft,

0:04:25.950,0:04:28.695
it is also fundamental[br]to the way I communicate,

0:04:28.695,0:04:31.334
so I won't be changing[br]anything for nobody,

0:04:31.334,0:04:32.436
not even TED,

0:04:32.436,0:04:35.650
which, I will point out,[br]stands for three ideas:

0:04:35.650,0:04:37.916
technology, entertainment,

0:04:37.916,0:04:40.428
and dickheads.

0:04:40.428,0:04:42.107
(Laughter)

0:04:42.107,0:04:46.357
Works every time, doesn't it.

0:04:46.357,0:04:48.075
But you need more than just jokes

0:04:48.075,0:04:50.302
to be able to cut it[br]as a professional comedian.

0:04:50.302,0:04:54.311
You need to be able to walk[br]that fine line between being charming

0:04:54.311,0:04:55.842
and disarming.

0:04:55.842,0:05:01.197
And I discovered the most effective way[br]to generate the amount of charm I needed

0:05:01.197,0:05:05.717
to offset my disarming personality

0:05:05.717,0:05:08.204
was through not jokes but stories.

0:05:08.204,0:05:10.191
So my stand-up routines[br]are filled with stories:

0:05:10.191,0:05:12.770
stories about growing up,[br]my coming out story,

0:05:12.770,0:05:15.944
stories about the abuse I caught[br]for being not only a woman

0:05:15.944,0:05:17.543
but a big woman

0:05:17.543,0:05:19.499
and a masculine-of-center woman.

0:05:19.499,0:05:22.860
If you watch my work online,[br]check the comments out below

0:05:22.860,0:05:25.291
for examples of abuse.

0:05:25.291,0:05:30.626
Now it's that time in the talk[br]where I shift into second gear,

0:05:30.626,0:05:35.091
and I'm going to tell you a story[br]about everything I've just said.

0:05:35.091,0:05:37.440
In the last few days of her life,

0:05:37.440,0:05:40.257
my grandma was surrounded by people,

0:05:40.257,0:05:41.986
a lot of people,

0:05:41.986,0:05:45.083
because my grandma[br]was the loving matriarch

0:05:45.083,0:05:47.350
of a large and loving family.

0:05:47.577,0:05:49.095
Now, if you haven't made[br]the connection already,

0:05:49.095,0:05:52.084
I am a member of that family.

0:05:52.084,0:05:57.280
Now I was lucky enough[br]to be able to say goodbye

0:05:57.280,0:05:58.417
to my grandma on the day she died,

0:05:58.417,0:06:00.214
but as she was already[br]cocooned within herself by then,

0:06:00.214,0:06:04.091
it was something of a one-sided goodbye.

0:06:04.091,0:06:07.047
So I thought about a lot of things,

0:06:07.047,0:06:10.056
things I haven't thought about[br]in a long time,

0:06:10.056,0:06:14.023
like the letters I used[br]to write to my grandma

0:06:14.023,0:06:14.539
when I first started university,

0:06:14.539,0:06:17.664
letters I filled with funny stories[br]and anecdotes that I embellished

0:06:17.664,0:06:19.229
for her amusement,

0:06:19.229,0:06:23.896
and I remembered how I couldn't[br]articulate the anxiety and fear

0:06:23.896,0:06:27.766
that filled me as I tried[br]to carve my tiny little life

0:06:27.766,0:06:31.452
into a world that felt far too big for me.

0:06:31.452,0:06:34.471
But I remembered finding[br]comfort in those letters,

0:06:34.471,0:06:38.257
because I wrote them[br]with my grandma in mind.

0:06:38.257,0:06:41.011
But as the world[br]got more and more overwhelming

0:06:41.011,0:06:45.021
and my ability to negotiate it[br]got worse, not better,

0:06:45.021,0:06:48.272
I stopped writing those letters.

0:06:48.272,0:06:54.353
I just didn't think I had the life[br]that grandma would want to read about.

0:06:54.353,0:06:57.037
Grandma did not know I was gay,

0:06:57.037,0:06:58.825
and about six months before she died,

0:06:58.825,0:07:02.259
out of nowhere, she asked me[br]if I had a boyfriend.

0:07:02.259,0:07:06.480
Now, I remember making[br]a conscious decision in that moment

0:07:06.480,0:07:09.136
not to come out to my grandmother,

0:07:09.136,0:07:13.095
and I did that because I knew her life[br]was drawing to an end,

0:07:13.095,0:07:14.435
and my time with her was finite,

0:07:14.435,0:07:16.945
and I did not want to talk[br]about the ways we were different.

0:07:16.945,0:07:20.826
I wanted to talk about[br]the ways were we connected.

0:07:20.826,0:07:23.323
So I changed the subject.

0:07:23.323,0:07:26.620
And at the time it felt[br]like the right decision.

0:07:26.620,0:07:29.407
But as I sat witness[br]to my grandmother's life

0:07:29.407,0:07:32.029
as it tapered to its inevitable end,

0:07:32.029,0:07:35.028
I couldn't help but feel[br]I'd made a mistake

0:07:35.028,0:07:39.542
not to share such a significant[br]part of my life.

0:07:39.542,0:07:43.087
But I also knew that[br]I'd missed my opportunity,

0:07:43.087,0:07:45.465
and as grandma always used to say,

0:07:45.465,0:07:48.631
"Ah, well, it's all part of the soup.

0:07:48.631,0:07:50.758
Too late to take the onions out now."

0:07:50.758,0:07:52.700
(Laughter)

0:07:52.700,0:07:54.168
And I thought about that,

0:07:54.168,0:07:58.053
and I thought about how I[br]had to deal with too many onions

0:07:58.053,0:07:59.837
as a kid,

0:07:59.837,0:08:04.456
growing up gay in a state[br]where homosexuality in illegal,

0:08:04.456,0:08:07.801
and with that thought I could see

0:08:07.801,0:08:11.256
how tightly wrapped in the tendrils[br]of my own internalize shame I was,

0:08:11.256,0:08:13.992
and with that, I thought[br]about all my traumas:

0:08:13.992,0:08:20.278
the violence, the abuse, my rape,

0:08:20.278,0:08:22.498
and with all that cluster of thinking,

0:08:22.498,0:08:25.734
a thought, a question,[br]kept popping into my mind

0:08:25.734,0:08:27.917
to which I had no answer:

0:08:27.917,0:08:31.981
what is the purpose of my human?

0:08:31.981,0:08:36.242
Out of anyone in my family,[br]I felt the most akin to my grandmother,

0:08:36.242,0:08:39.418
and we share the most traits in common.

0:08:39.418,0:08:40.922
Not so much these days.

0:08:40.922,0:08:42.778
Death really changes people.

0:08:42.778,0:08:47.295
But that (Laughter)[br]is my grandmother's sense of humor.

0:08:47.295,0:08:50.099
But the person I felt[br]most akin to in the world

0:08:50.099,0:08:52.496
was a mother, a grandmother,[br]a great-grandmother,

0:08:52.496,0:08:54.043
a great-great-grandmother.

0:08:54.043,0:08:58.468
Me? I represented the very end[br]of my branch of the family tree,

0:08:58.468,0:09:02.550
and I wasn't entirely sure[br]I was still connected to the trunk.

0:09:02.550,0:09:06.254
What was the purpose of my human?

0:09:06.254,0:09:08.668
The year after my grandmother's death

0:09:08.668,0:09:12.318
was the most intensely[br]creative of my life,

0:09:12.318,0:09:12.568
and I suppose that's because at an end,

0:09:12.568,0:09:17.674
my thoughts gather more than they scatter.

0:09:17.674,0:09:20.337
My thought process is not linear.

0:09:20.337,0:09:22.920
I'm a visual thinker. I see my thoughts.

0:09:22.920,0:09:24.258
I don't have a photograph memory,

0:09:24.258,0:09:30.164
and nor is my head a static gallery[br]of sensibly collected think pieces.

0:09:30.164,0:09:35.258
It's more that I've got this ever-evolving[br]language of hieroglyphics

0:09:35.258,0:09:37.688
that I've developed

0:09:37.688,0:09:38.875
and I can understand fluidly

0:09:38.875,0:09:42.335
and think deeply with[br]but I struggle to translate.

0:09:42.335,0:09:45.678
I can't paint, draw, sculpt,[br]or even haberdash,

0:09:45.678,0:09:48.774
and as for the written word,

0:09:48.774,0:09:51.441
I'm OK at it but it's[br]a tortuous process of translation,

0:09:51.441,0:09:56.448
and I don't feel it does the job.

0:09:56.448,0:10:00.562
And as far as speaking my own mind,[br]like I said, I'm not great at it.

0:10:00.562,0:10:04.265
Speech has always felt[br]like an inadequate freeze frame

0:10:04.265,0:10:06.964
for the life inside of me.

0:10:06.964,0:10:09.834
All this to say, I've always understood

0:10:09.834,0:10:14.209
far more than I've ever[br]been able to communicate.

0:10:14.209,0:10:17.162
Now about a year before grandma died,

0:10:17.162,0:10:19.165
I was formally diagnosed with autism.

0:10:19.165,0:10:21.300
Now for me, that was mostly good news.

0:10:21.300,0:10:27.190
I always thought that I couldn't[br]sort my life out like a normal person

0:10:27.190,0:10:29.848
because I was depressed and anxious,

0:10:29.848,0:10:31.370
but it turns out

0:10:31.370,0:10:33.368
I was depressed and anxious

0:10:33.368,0:10:36.445
because I couldn't sort my life out[br]like a normal person

0:10:36.445,0:10:38.647
because I was not a normal person,

0:10:38.647,0:10:40.444
and I didn't know it.

0:10:40.444,0:10:42.955
Now, this is not to say[br]I still don't struggle.

0:10:42.955,0:10:45.167
Every day is a bit of a struggle,

0:10:45.167,0:10:45.933
to be honest.

0:10:45.933,0:10:48.628
But at least now I know[br]what my struggle is,

0:10:48.628,0:10:52.176
and getting to the starting line[br]of normal is not it.

0:10:52.176,0:10:54.690
My struggle is not to escape the storm.

0:10:54.690,0:10:57.956
My struggle is to find the eye[br]of the storm as best I can.

0:10:57.956,0:11:04.141
Now, apart from the usual way[br]us spectrum types find our calm --

0:11:04.141,0:11:08.538
repetitive behaviors, routine,[br]and obsessive thinking --

0:11:08.538,0:11:11.233
I have another surprising doorway

0:11:11.233,0:11:14.718
into the eye of the storm:

0:11:14.718,0:11:16.477
stand-up comedy.

0:11:16.477,0:11:19.310
And if you need any more proof[br]I'm neurodivergent, yes,

0:11:19.310,0:11:25.226
I am calm doing a thing[br]that scares the hell out of most people.

0:11:25.226,0:11:28.017
I'm almost dead inside up here.

0:11:28.017,0:11:31.329
(Laughter)

0:11:31.329,0:11:35.207
Diagnosis gave me a framework[br]on which to hang bits of me

0:11:35.207,0:11:36.766
I could never understand.

0:11:36.766,0:11:39.029
My misfit suddenly had a fit,

0:11:39.029,0:11:41.593
and for a while I got giddy[br]with a newfound confidence

0:11:41.593,0:11:43.512
I had in my thinking.

0:11:43.512,0:11:47.724
But after Grandma died,[br]that confidence took a dive,

0:11:47.724,0:11:51.320
because thinking is how I grieve,

0:11:51.320,0:11:53.117
and in that grief of thought,

0:11:53.117,0:11:56.151
I could suddenly see with so much clarity

0:11:56.151,0:11:59.328
just how profoundly isolated I was

0:11:59.328,0:12:02.423
and always had been.

0:12:02.423,0:12:06.883
What was the purpose of my human?

0:12:06.883,0:12:12.997
I began to think a lot about how autism[br]and PTSD have so much in common,

0:12:12.997,0:12:16.414
and I started to worry,[br]because I had both.

0:12:16.414,0:12:20.448
Could I ever untangle them?

0:12:20.448,0:12:23.112
I'd always been told[br]that the way out of trauma

0:12:23.112,0:12:25.726
was through a cohesive narrative.

0:12:25.726,0:12:28.346
I had a cohesive narrative,

0:12:28.346,0:12:31.492
but I was still[br]at the mercy of my traumas.

0:12:31.492,0:12:35.225
They were all part of my soup,[br]but the onions still stung,

0:12:35.225,0:12:37.934
and at that point, I realized

0:12:37.934,0:12:40.568
that I'd been telling[br]my stories for laughs.

0:12:40.568,0:12:43.459
I'd been trimming away the darkness,[br]cutting away the pain,

0:12:43.459,0:12:48.267
and holding on to my trauma[br]for the comfort of my audience.

0:12:48.267,0:12:50.683
I was connecting[br]other people through laughs,

0:12:50.683,0:12:53.876
yet I remained profoundly disconnected.

0:12:53.876,0:12:57.305
What was the purpose of my human?

0:12:57.305,0:12:58.776
I did not have an answer,

0:12:58.776,0:13:00.744
but I had an idea.

0:13:00.744,0:13:03.846
I had an idea to tell my truth,

0:13:03.846,0:13:05.930
all of it,

0:13:05.930,0:13:11.183
not to share laughs but to share[br]the literal, visceral pain of my trauma,

0:13:11.183,0:13:14.629
and I thought the best way to do that[br]would be through a comedy show,

0:13:14.629,0:13:16.227
and that is what I did.

0:13:16.227,0:13:20.104
I wrote a comedy show[br]that did not respect the punchline,

0:13:20.104,0:13:23.711
that line where comedians are expected[br]and trusted to pull their punches

0:13:23.711,0:13:26.463
and turn them into tickles,[br]I did not stop.

0:13:26.463,0:13:30.304
I punched through that line[br]into the metaphorical guts

0:13:30.304,0:13:32.255
of my audience.

0:13:32.255,0:13:35.163
I did not want to make them laugh.

0:13:35.163,0:13:38.061
I wanted to take their breath away,

0:13:38.061,0:13:40.613
to shock them so they[br]could listen to my story

0:13:40.613,0:13:47.010
and hold my pain as individuals,[br]not as a mindless laughing mob.

0:13:47.010,0:13:50.418
And that's what I did,[br]and I called that show "Nanette."

0:13:50.418,0:13:55.002
(Applause)

0:13:57.821,0:14:00.002
Now, many have argued

0:14:00.002,0:14:02.498
that "Nanette" is not a comedy show,

0:14:02.498,0:14:04.741
and while I can agree --

0:14:04.741,0:14:07.163
it is definitely not a comedy show --

0:14:07.163,0:14:09.268
those people are still wrong

0:14:09.268,0:14:10.670
(Laughter)

0:14:10.670,0:14:12.518
because they have framed their argument

0:14:12.518,0:14:16.995
as a way of saying[br]"I failed to do comedy."

0:14:16.995,0:14:20.517
I did not fail to do comedy.

0:14:20.517,0:14:23.939
I took everything I knew about comedy,

0:14:23.939,0:14:26.924
all the tricks, the tools, the knowhow,

0:14:26.924,0:14:30.218
I took all that, and with it,[br]I broke comedy.

0:14:30.218,0:14:32.475
You cannot break comedy with comedy

0:14:32.475,0:14:35.092
if you fail at comedy.

0:14:35.092,0:14:37.361
Flaccid be thy hammer.

0:14:37.361,0:14:41.474
(Laughter) (Applause)

0:14:44.360,0:14:46.440
That was not my point.

0:14:46.440,0:14:50.128
The point was not simply to break comedy.

0:14:50.128,0:14:53.057
The point was to break comedy[br]so I could rebuild it and reshape it,

0:14:53.057,0:14:58.105
reform it into something[br]that could better hold everything

0:14:58.105,0:14:59.781
I needed to share,

0:14:59.781,0:15:04.278
and that is what I meant[br]when I said I quit comedy.

0:15:04.278,0:15:08.566
Now, it's probably at this point[br]where you're going, "Yeah, cool,

0:15:08.566,0:15:11.125
but what are the three ideas exactly?

0:15:11.125,0:15:12.927
It's a bit vague."

0:15:12.927,0:15:14.764
I'm glad I pretended you asked.

0:15:14.764,0:15:19.083
(Laughter)

0:15:19.083,0:15:24.090
Now, I'm sure there's quite a few of you[br]who have already identified three ideas.

0:15:24.090,0:15:27.124
Smart crowd, by all accounts,

0:15:27.124,0:15:29.438
so I wouldn't be surprised at all.

0:15:29.438,0:15:33.331
But you might be surprised to find out[br]that I don't have three ideas.

0:15:33.331,0:15:36.831
I told you I had three ideas,[br]and that was a lie.

0:15:36.831,0:15:40.166
That was pure misdirection and very funny.

0:15:40.166,0:15:46.677
What I've done instead is I've taken[br]whole handfuls of my ideas as seeds

0:15:46.677,0:15:49.765
and I've scattered them[br]all throughout my talk.

0:15:49.765,0:15:51.962
And why did I do that?

0:15:51.962,0:15:54.753
Well, apart from shits and giggles,

0:15:54.753,0:15:58.002
it comes down to something[br]my grandma always used to say.

0:15:58.002,0:16:04.577
"It's not the garden,[br]it's the gardening that counts."

0:16:04.577,0:16:08.417
And "Nanette" taught me[br]the truth to that truism.

0:16:08.417,0:16:11.751
I fully expected by breaking[br]the contract of comedy

0:16:11.751,0:16:16.776
and telling my story[br]in all its truth and pain

0:16:16.776,0:16:18.640
that that would push me further[br]into the margins of both life and art.

0:16:18.640,0:16:27.467
I expected that, and I was willing to pay[br]that cost in order to tell my truth.

0:16:28.623,0:16:30.780
But that is not what happened.

0:16:30.780,0:16:35.259
The world did not push me away.[br]It pulled me closer.

0:16:35.259,0:16:38.123
Through an act of disconnection,[br]I found connection,

0:16:38.123,0:16:42.491
and it took me a long time to understand

0:16:42.491,0:16:44.547
that what is at the heart[br]of that contradiction

0:16:44.547,0:16:47.489
is also at the heart of the contradiction

0:16:47.489,0:16:51.929
as to why I can be so good[br]at something I am so bad at.

0:16:53.499,0:16:55.226
You see, in the real world,

0:16:55.226,0:16:57.071
I struggle to talk to people

0:16:57.071,0:16:59.646
because my neurodiversity

0:16:59.646,0:17:03.625
makes it difficult for me to think,

0:17:03.625,0:17:07.075
listen, speak, and process[br]new information all at the same time,

0:17:07.075,0:17:11.464
but onstage, I don't have to think.

0:17:11.464,0:17:13.996
I prepare my thinks well in advance.

0:17:13.996,0:17:16.389
I don't have to listen. That is your job.

0:17:16.389,0:17:17.922
(Laughter)

0:17:17.922,0:17:20.426
And I don't really have to talk,

0:17:20.426,0:17:23.317
because strictly speaking, I'm reciting.

0:17:23.317,0:17:26.457
So all that is left

0:17:26.457,0:17:29.314
is for me to do my best

0:17:29.314,0:17:35.862
to make a genuine connection[br]with my audience.

0:17:36.063,0:17:39.219
And if the experience of "Nanette"[br]taught me anything,

0:17:39.219,0:17:44.175
it's that connection depends[br]not just on me.

0:17:44.175,0:17:46.837
You play a part.

0:17:47.634,0:17:50.334
"Nanette" may have begun in me,

0:17:50.334,0:17:55.494
but she now lives and grows[br]in a whole world of other minds,

0:17:55.494,0:17:56.005
minds I do not share

0:17:56.005,0:17:56.255
but I trust I am connected,

0:17:56.255,0:18:03.602
and in that, she is so much[br]bigger than me,

0:18:03.602,0:18:06.367
just like the purpose of being human

0:18:06.367,0:18:09.350
is so much bigger than all of us.

0:18:09.350,0:18:10.775
Make of that what you will.

0:18:10.775,0:18:13.528
Thank you, and hello.

0:18:13.528,0:18:18.919
(Applause)