9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
My name is Hannah,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and that is a palindrome.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That is a word you can spell[br]the same forwards and backwards,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
if you can spell.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But the thing is, my entire family[br]have palindromic names.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's a bit of a tradition.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We've got Mum, Dad,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Nan, Pop.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And my brother Kayak.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
There you go.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That's just a big a joke, there.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I like to kick things off with a joke[br]because I'm a comedian.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, there's two things[br]you know about me already.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
My name's Hannah and I'm a comedian.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I wasting no time.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Here's a third thing[br]you can know about me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I don't think I'm qualified[br]to speak my own mind.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Bold way to begin a talk, yes,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but it's true.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I've always had a great deal of difficulty

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
turning my thinking into the talking.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So it seems a bit of a contradiction then

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that someone like me[br]who is so bad at the chat

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
could be something like[br]a stand-up comedian,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but there you go. There you go.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's what it is.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I first tried my hand[br]at stand-up comedi--, comedie.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
See? See? See?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I first tried my hand at stand-up comedy

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
in my late 20s,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and despite being a pathologically shy[br]virtual mute with low self-esteem

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
who'd never held a microphone before,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I knew as soon as I walked[br]and stood in front of the audience,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I knew, before I'd even[br]landed my first joke,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I knew that I really liked stand-up,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and stand-up really liked me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But for the life of me,[br]I couldn't work out why.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Why is it I could be so good[br]at doing something I was so bad at?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I just couldn't work it out.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I could not understand it,[br]that is until I could.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now before I explain to you why it is

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that I can be good[br]at something I'm so bad at,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
let me throw another spanner[br]of contradiction into the works

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
by telling you that not long after[br]I worked out why that was,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I decided to quit comedy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And before I explain[br]that little oppositional cat

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I just threw among the thinking pigeons,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
let me also tell you this:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
quitting launched my comedy career.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It really launched it, to the point[br]where after quitting comedy,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I became the most talked-about[br]comedian on the planet,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because apparently I'm even worse[br]than making retirement plans

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
than I am at speaking my own mind.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, all I've done up until this point[br]apart from giving over a spattering

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of biographical detail is to tell you[br]indirectly that I have three ideas

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that I want to share with you today,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I've done that by way of sharing[br]three contradictions:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
one, I am bad at talking,[br]I am good at talking;

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I quit, I did not quit.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Three ideas, three contradictions.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, if you're wondering[br]why there's only two things

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on my so-called list of three

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I remind you it is literally[br]a list of contradictions.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Keep up.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, the folks at TED advised me[br]that with a talk of this length,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's best to stick[br]with just sharing one idea.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I said no.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, what would they know?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
To explain why I have chosen to ignore[br]what is clearly very good advice,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I want to take you back[br]to the beginning of this talk,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
specifically my palindrome joke.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now that joke uses my favorite trick[br]of the comedian trade,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the rule of three,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
whereby you make a statement

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and then back that statement up

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
with a list.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
My entire family have palindromic names:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Mum, Dad, Nan, Pop.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The first two ideas create a pattern,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and that pattern creates expectation,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and then the third thing, bam,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Kayak, what? That's the rule of three.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
One, two, surprise! Haha.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now (Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now the rule of three is not only[br]fundamental to the way I do my craft,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it is also fundamental[br]to the way I communicate,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
so I won't be changing[br]anything for nobody,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
not even TED,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
which, I will point out,[br]stands for three ideas:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
technology, entertainment,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and dickheads.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Works every time, doesn't it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But you need more than just jokes

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to be able to cut it[br]as a professional comedian.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You need to be able to walk[br]that fine line between being charming

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and disarming.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I discovered the most effective way[br]to generate the amount of charm I needed

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to offset my disarming personality

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was through not jokes but stories.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So my stand-up routines[br]are filled with stories:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
stories about growing up,[br]my coming out story,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
stories about the abuse I caught[br]for being not only a woman

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but a big woman

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and a masculine-of-center woman.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you watch my work online,[br]check the comments out below

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
for examples of abuse.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now it's that time in the talk[br]where I shift into second gear,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I'm going to tell you a story[br]about everything I've just said.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
In the last few days of her life,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
my grandma was surrounded by people,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a lot of people,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because my grandma[br]was the loving matriarch

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of a large and loving family.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, if you haven't made[br]the connection already,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I am a member of that family.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now I was lucky enough[br]to be able to say goodbye

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to my grandma on the day she died,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but as she was already[br]cocooned within herself by then,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it was something of a one-sided goodbye.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I thought about a lot of things,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
things I haven't thought about[br]in a long time,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
like the letters I used[br]to write to my grandma

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
when I first started university,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
letters I filled with funny stories[br]and anecdotes that I embellished

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
for her amusement,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I remembered how I couldn't[br]articulate the anxiety and fear

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that filled me as I tried[br]to carve my tiny little life

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
into a world that felt far too big for me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I remembered finding[br]comfort in those letters,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because I wrote them[br]with my grandma in mind.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But as the world[br]got more and more overwhelming

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and my ability to negotiate it[br]got worse, not better,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I stopped writing those letters.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I just didn't think I had the life[br]that grandma would want to read about.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Grandma did not know I was gay,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and about six months before she died,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
out of nowhere, she asked me[br]if I had a boyfriend.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, I remember making[br]a conscious decision in that moment

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
not to come out to my grandmother,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I did that because I knew her life[br]was drawing to an end,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and my time with her was finite,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I did not want to talk[br]about the ways we were different.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I wanted to talk about[br]the ways were we connected.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So I changed the subject.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And at the time it felt[br]like the right decision.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But as I sat witness[br]to my grandmother's life

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as it tapered to its inevitable end,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I couldn't help but feel[br]I'd made a mistake

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
not to share such a significant[br]part of my life.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But I also knew that[br]I'd missed my opportunity,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and as grandma always used to say,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Ah, well, it's all part of the soup.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Too late to take the onions out now."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I thought about that,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I thought about how I[br]had to deal with too many onions

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as a kid,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
growing up gay in a state[br]where homosexuality in illegal,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and with that thought I could see

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
how tightly wrapped in the tendrils[br]of my own internalize shame I was,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and with that, I thought[br]about all my traumas:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the violence, the abuse, my rape,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and with all that cluster of thinking,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a thought, a question,[br]kept popping into my mind

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to which I had no answer:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
what is the purpose of my human?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Out of anyone in my family,[br]I felt the most akin to my grandmother,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and we shared the most traits in common.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Not so much these days.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Death really changes people.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But that (Laughter)[br]is my grandmother's sense of humor.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But the person I felt[br]most akin to in the world

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was a mother, a grandmother,[br]a great-grandmother,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
a great-great-grandmother.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Me? I represented the very end[br]of my branch of the family tree,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I wasn't entirely sure[br]I was still connected to the trunk.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What was the purpose of my human?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The year after my grandmother's death

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was the most intensely[br]creative of my life,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I suppose that's because at an end,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
my thoughts gather more than they scatter.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
My thought process is not linear.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm a visual thinker. I see my thoughts.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I don't have a photograph memory,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and nor is my head a static gallery[br]of sensibly collected think pieces.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's more that I've got this ever-evolving[br]language of hieroglyphics

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that I've developed

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I can understand fluidly

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and think deeply with[br]but I struggle to translate.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I can't paint, draw, sculpt,[br]or even haberdash,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and as for the written word,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm OK at it but it's[br]a tortuous process of translation,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I don't feel it does the job.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And as far as speaking my own mind,[br]like I said, I'm not great at it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Speech has always felt[br]like an inadequate freeze frame

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
for the life inside of me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
All this to say, I've always understood

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
far more than I've ever[br]been able to communicate.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now about a year before grandma died,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I was formally diagnosed with autism.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now for me, that was mostly good news.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I always thought that I couldn't[br]sort my life out like a normal person

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because I was depressed and anxious,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but it turns out

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I was depressed and anxious

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because I couldn't sort my life out[br]like a normal person

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because I was not a normal person,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I didn't know it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, this is not to say[br]I still don't struggle.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Every day is a bit of a struggle,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to be honest.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But at least now I know[br]what my struggle is,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and getting to the starting line[br]of normal is not it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
My struggle is not to escape the storm.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
My struggle is to find the eye[br]of the storm as best I can.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, apart from the usual way[br]us spectrum types find our calm --

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
repetitive behaviors, routine,[br]and obsessive thinking --

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I have another surprising doorway

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
into the eye of the storm:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
stand-up comedy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And if you need any more proof[br]I'm neurodivergent, yes,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I am calm doing a thing[br]that scares the hell out of most people.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm almost dead inside up here.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Diagnosis gave me a framework[br]on which to hang bits of me

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I could never understand.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
My misfit suddenly had a fit,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and for a while I got giddy[br]with a newfound confidence

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I had in my thinking.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But after Grandma died,[br]that confidence took a dive,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because thinking is how I grieve,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and in that grief of thought,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I could suddenly see with so much clarity

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
just how profoundly isolated I was

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and always had been.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What was the purpose of my human?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I began to think a lot about how autism[br]and PTSD have so much in common,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I started to worry,[br]because I had both.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Could I ever untangle them?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'd always been told[br]that the way out of trauma

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was through a cohesive narrative.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I had a cohesive narrative,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but I was still[br]at the mercy of my traumas.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
They were all part of my soup,[br]but the onions still stung,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and at that point, I realized

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that I'd been telling[br]my stories for laughs.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'd been trimming away the darkness,[br]cutting away the pain,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and holding on to my trauma[br]for the comfort of my audience.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I was connecting[br]other people through laughs,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
yet I remained profoundly disconnected.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What was the purpose of my human?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I did not have an answer,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but I had an idea.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I had an idea to tell my truth,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all of it,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
not to share laughs but to share[br]the literal, visceral pain of my trauma,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I thought the best way to do that[br]would be through a comedy show,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and that is what I did.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I wrote a comedy show[br]that did not respect the punchline,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that line where comedians are expected[br]and trusted to pull their punches

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and turn them into tickles,[br]I did not stop.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I punched through that line[br]into the metaphorical guts

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of my audience.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I did not want to make them laugh.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I wanted to take their breath away,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to shock them so they[br]could listen to my story

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and hold my pain as individuals,[br]not as a mindless laughing mob.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And that's what I did,[br]and I called that show "Nanette."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Applause)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, many have argued

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that "Nanette" is not a comedy show,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and while I can agree --

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it is definitely not a comedy show --

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those people are still wrong

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because they have framed their argument

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as a way of saying[br]"I failed to do comedy."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I did not fail to do comedy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I took everything I knew about comedy,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all the tricks, the tools, the knowhow,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I took all that, and with it,[br]I broke comedy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You cannot break comedy with comedy

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
if you fail at comedy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Flaccid be thy hammer.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter) (Applause)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That was not my point.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The point was not simply to break comedy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The point was to break comedy[br]so I could rebuild it and reshape it,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
reform it into something[br]that could better hold everything

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I needed to share,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and that is what I meant[br]when I said I quit comedy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, it's probably at this point[br]where you're going, "Yeah, cool,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but what are the three ideas exactly?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's a bit vague."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm glad I pretended you asked.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Now, I'm sure there's quite a few of you[br]who have already identified three ideas.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Smart crowd, by all accounts,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
so I wouldn't be surprised at all.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But you might be surprised to find out[br]that I don't have three ideas.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I told you I had three ideas,[br]and that was a lie.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
That was pure misdirection and very funny.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What I've done instead is I've taken[br]whole handfuls of my ideas as seeds

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and I've scattered them[br]all throughout my talk.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And why did I do that?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Well, apart from shits and giggles,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it comes down to something[br]my grandma always used to say.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"It's not the garden,[br]it's the gardening that counts."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And "Nanette" taught me[br]the truth to that truism.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I fully expected by breaking[br]the contract of comedy

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and telling my story[br]in all its truth and pain

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that that would push me further[br]into the margins of both life and art.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I expected that, and I was willing to pay[br]that cost in order to tell my truth.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But that is not what happened.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The world did not push me away.[br]It pulled me closer.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Through an act of disconnection,[br]I found connection,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and it took me a long time to understand

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that what is at the heart[br]of that contradiction

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is also at the heart of the contradiction

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as to why I can be so good[br]at something I am so bad at.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You see, in the real world,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I struggle to talk to people

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because my neurodiversity

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
makes it difficult for me to think,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
listen, speak, and process[br]new information all at the same time,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but onstage, I don't have to think.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I prepare my thinks well in advance.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I don't have to listen. That is your job.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I don't really have to talk,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because strictly speaking, I'm reciting.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So all that is left

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is for me to do my best

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to make a genuine connection[br]with my audience.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And if the experience of "Nanette"[br]taught me anything,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's that connection depends[br]not just on me.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
You play a part.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Nanette" may have begun in me,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but she now lives and grows[br]in a whole world of other minds,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
minds I do not share

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but I trust I am connected,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and in that, she is so much[br]bigger than me,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
just like the purpose of being human

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is so much bigger than all of us.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Make of that what you will.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Thank you, and hello.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Applause)