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My guest tonight has written three best-selling books;

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and his TED talk on inspiring leadership is one of the most-watched of all time.

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When he talks it is impossible not to listen.

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My name is simon Sinek, and

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I have a clear vision of what I want to build in this world.

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I Imagine a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning:

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Inspired to go to work,

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feel safe when they're there,

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and return home fulfilled at the end of the day.

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And I promise you

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Our guest will help you acquire the behaviors,

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and thought patterns you need to be successful in anything that you're trying to accomplish.

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I have yet to give a speech, or have a meeting where somebody doesn't ask me the Millenial question.

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What's the millennial question?

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Apparently Millennials, as a generation

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- which is a group of people who were born approximately 1984 and after -

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are tough to manage;

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and they're accused of being entitled,

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and narcissistic,

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self-interested,

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unfocused,

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lazy.

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But entitled is the big one.

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And, because they confound leadership so much,

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what's happening is leaders are asking the Millennials:

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"What do you want?"

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And Millennials are saying:

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"We want to work in a place with purpose." love that.

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"We want to make an impact." you know, whatever that means.

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"We want free food, and bean bags."

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and so…

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Somebody articulates some sort of purpose.

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There's lots of free food, and there's bean bags;

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and yet for some reason

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they are still not happy.

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And that's because

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There's a missing piece.

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What I've learned is

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I can break it down into four pieces, right?

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There are four things, four characteristics.

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One is parenting,

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the other one is technology,

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the third is impatience,

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and the fourth is environment.

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The generation, that we call the Millennials,

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too many of them grew up

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subject to, not my words,

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failed parenting strategies.

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You know?

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Where, for example,

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they were told that they were special… all the time;

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they were told that they can have anything they want in life,

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just because they want it.

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They were told…

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Some of them got into

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honors classes, not because they deserved it, but because their parents complained.

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And some of them got "A"s not because they earned them

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but because the teachers didn't want to deal with the parents.

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Some kids got participation medals. They got a medal for coming in last. Right?

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Which the science, we know is pretty clear,

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which is it devalues the metal and the reward for those who actually work hard,

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and that actually makes the person who comes in last feel embarrassed,

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because they know they didn't deserve it so it actually makes them feel worse. Right?

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So you take this group of people,

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and they graduate school, and they get a job,

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and they're thrust into the real world.

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And in an instant they find out: they're not special;

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their moms can't get them a promotion;

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that you get nothing for coming in last;

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and, by the way, you can't just have it because you want it.

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And in an instant their entire self-image is shattered.

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And so you have an entire generation that's growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations.

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The other problem to compound it is:

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we're growing up in a Facebook-Instagram world.

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In other words, we're good at putting filters on things.

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We're good at showing people that life is amazing, even though I'm depressed. Right?

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And so everybody sounds tough, and everybody sounds like they got it all figure it out.

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And the reality is: there's very little toughness, and most people don't have it figured out.

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And so when the more senior people say

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"Well, what should we do?"

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they sound like "This is what you gotta do!"

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And they have no clue.

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Audience: [ Laughter ]

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So you have an entire generation growing up with lower self-esteem than previous generations. Right?

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Through no fault of their own.

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Through no fault of their own, right?

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They were dealt a bad hand.

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Now let's add in technology.

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We know that engagement with social media,

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and our cell phones,

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releases a chemical called dopamine.

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That's why when you get a text feels good. Right?

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So you know we've all had it: when you're feeling a little bit down or feeling a bit lonely,

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And so you send out ten texts to ten friends, you know,

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hi. hi. hi. hi. hi.

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Cause it feels good when you get a response, right?

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Right? It's why we count the likes

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It's why we go back ten times to see if…

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and if it's going…

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and my Instagram is growing slower.

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I would… did I do something wrong? Do they not like me anymore? Right?

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The trauma for young kids to be unfriended, right?

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Because we know when you get it you get a hit a dopamine which feels good.

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It's why we like it.

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It's why we keep going back to it.

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Dopamine is the exact same chemical

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that makes us feel good when we smoke, when we drink, and when we gamble.

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In other words:

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It's highly, highly addictive.

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Right?

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we have age restrictions on smoking, gambling, and alcohol.

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And we have no age restrictions on social media and cell phones.

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Which is the equivalent of opening up the liquor cabinet and saying to our teenagers

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"hey by the way, this adolescence thing, if it gets you down…"

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But that's basically what's happening.

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That's basically what's happening, right?

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That's basically what happened.

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You have an entire generation that has access to an addictive

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numbing chemical, called dopamine, through social media and cellphones

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as they're going through the high stress of adolescence.

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Why is this important? Almost every alcoholic

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discovered alcohol when they were teenagers.

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When we're very very young the only approval we need is the approval of our parents.

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And as we go through adolescence we make this transition where we now need the approval of our peers.

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Very frustrating for our parents;

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very important for us.

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That allows us to acculturate outside of our immediate families into the broader tribe.

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Right? It's a highly highly stressful and anxious period of our lives;

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and we're supposed to learn to rely on our friends.

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Some people, quite by accident, discover alcohol, and numbing effects of dopamine,

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to help them cope with the stresses and anxieties of adolescence.

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Unfortunately that becomes hardwired in their brains

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and, for the rest of their lives,

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when they suffer significant stress they will not turn to a person they will turn to the bottle.

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Social stress, financial stress, career stress.

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That's pretty much the primary reasons why an alcoholic drinks, right?

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What's happening is,

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because we're allowing unfettered access to these dopamine producing devices and media,

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basically, it's becoming hardwired. and what we're seeing is as they grow older.

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To many kids don't know how to form deep meaningful relationships.

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Their words not mine.

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They will admit that many of their friendships are superficial

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They will admit that their friends…

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that they don't count on their friends, they don't rely on their friends. They have fun with their friends.

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But they also know that their friends will cancel out them that something better comes along

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Deep meaningful relationships are not there because they never practice the skill set,

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and worse they don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with stress.

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So when significant stress starts to show up in their lives

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they're not turning to a person. They're turning to a device, they're turning to social media,

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they're turning to these things which offer temporary relief.

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We know, the science is clear, we know

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that people who spend more time on Facebook

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suffer higher rates of depression than people spend less time on Facebook.

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Right? These things balanced.

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Alcohol is not bad, too much alcohol is bad.

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Gambling is fun, too much gambling is dangerous.

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Right? There's nothing wrong with social media and cell phones.

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It's the imbalance. Right? If you're sitting at dinner with your friends,

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and you're texting somebody who's not there

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That's a problem,

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That's an addiction.

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If you're sitting in a meeting,

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with people you're supposed to be listening to and speaking,

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and you put your phone on the table - face up or face down, I don't care -

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that sends the subconscious message to the room that "you're just not that important to me right now."

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Right? That's what happens.

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And the fact that you cannot put it away, it's because you are addicted.

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Right? If you wake up and you check your phone before you say good morning to your girlfriend boyfriend or spouse,

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you have an addiction.

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And like all addiction in time it will destroy relationships,

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it'll cost time, and it will cost money, and will make your life worse.

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Right?

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So you have a generation growing up with lower self-esteem,

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that doesn't have the coping mechanisms to do with stress.

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Right?

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Now you add in the sense of impatience. Right? They've grown up in a world of instant gratification.

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You want to buy something? You go on Amazon; it arrives the next day.

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You want to watch a movie? log on and watch your movie.

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You don't check movie times.

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You want to watch your TV show?

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Binge.

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You don't even have to wait week to week to week. Right?

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I know people who skip seasons just so they can binge at the end of the season. Right?

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Instant gratification.

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You want to go on a date? You don't even have to learn how to be like:

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"Hey…"

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Audience: [ Laughter ]

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You don't even have to learn and practice that skill.

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You don't have to be the uncomfortable one which says

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"yes" when you mean "no," and says "no" when you mean "no," when "yes" when you…

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You don't have to. Swipe right. Bang, I'm a stud!

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Audience: [ Laughter ]

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Right? You don't have to learn the social coping mechanisms.

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Right?

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Everything you want you can have instantaneously.

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Everything you want, instant gratification,

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except

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job satisfaction, and strength of relationships

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there ain't no app for that.

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They are slow,

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meandering, uncomfortable, messy processes.

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And so I keep meeting these wonderful fantastic idealistic hard-working smart kids.

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They've just graduated school. They're in their entry-level job. I sit down with them when I go. "How's it going?" They go

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"I think I'm gonna quit."

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I'm like "why?"

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They're like "I'm not making an impact."

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I'm like "you've been here eight months."

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Audience: [ Laughter ]

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It's as if they're standing at the foot of a mountain,

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and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to have in the world,

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which is the summit.

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That they don't see is the mountain?

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I don't care if you go up the mountain quickly or slowly.

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But there's still a mountain.

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And so what this young generation needs to learn is patience,

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that some things that really really matter

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like love,

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or job fulfillment,

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joy,

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love of life, self-confidence, a skill set, any of these things.

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All of these things take time.

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Sometimes you can expedite pieces of it;

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but the overall journey…

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is arduous and long and difficult.

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And if you don't ask for help and learn that skill set

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you will fall off the mountain.

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Or you will… the worst case scenario.

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The worst case scenario.

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And we're already seeing it.

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The worst case scenario is we're seeing increase in suicide rates.

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We're seeing an increase in this generation.

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We're seeing increase in accidental deaths due to drug overdoses.

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We're seeing more and more kids drop out of school or take leaves of absence due to depression

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Unheard of these are this is this is really bad the best case scenario

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The bet those are all bad cases right the best case scenario is you'll have an entire population

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Growing up and going through life and just never really finding joy

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They'll never really find deep deep fulfillment in work or in life. They'll just

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Just walk through life, and it'll G. Just it's fine

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How's your job? It's fine the same as yesterday?

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How's your relationship? It's fine like that's that's the best case scenario

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Which leads me to the the fourth point which is environment, which is we're taking this

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Amazing group of young fantastic kids were just dealt a bad hand it's no fault of their own

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And we put them in corporate environments that care more about the numbers

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And they do about the kids they care more about the short-term gains than the long-term life of this

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Young human being we care more about the year than the lifetime

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Right? And so we are putting them in corporate environments that aren't helping them build their confidence

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That aren't helping them learn the skills of cooperation that aren't helping them overcome the challenges of a digital world and finding more balance

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That isn't helping them

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overcome the need to have instant gratification and teach them the joys and impact in the

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Fulfillment you get from working hard over on something for a long time that cannot be done in a month or even in a year

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and

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So we're thrusting to them in corporate environments and the worst part about it is they think it's them. They blame themselves

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They can't they think it's them who can't deal and so it makes it all worse

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It's not I'm here to tell them. It's not them. It's the corporations. It's the corporate environments

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It's the total lack of good leadership in our world today. That is making them feel the way they do

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They were dealt a bad hand hoods, and I hate to say it

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But it's the company's responsibility sucks to be you like we have no choice, right

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This is what we got and I wish that society and their parents did a better job. They didn't so we're gonna

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We're getting them in our companies, and we now have to pick up the slack

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We have to work extra hard to figure out the ways that we build their confidence. We have to work extra hard

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To find ways to teach them social the social skills that they're missing out

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There should be no cell phones and conference rooms none zero

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And I don't mean the kind of like sitting outside waiting to text

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I mean like when you're sitting and waiting for a meeting to start nobody go

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This is what we all do we all sit here and wait for the meeting to start

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Meaning starting okay, we start the meeting. No that's not how relationships are formed remember. We talked about it's the little things

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Relationships are formed this way: We're waiting for a meeting to start we go

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How's your dad I heard he was in hospital. Oh. He's really good. Thanks for asking. He's actually I hope no

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I'm really glad it was really amazing. I know it was really scary for that's how you form relationships

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Hey, did you ever get that report on oh my god? No, I didn't uh yeah

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I totally uh can I help you out with that really?

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That's how trust forms trust doesn't form at an event in a day even bad times. Don't form trust immediately

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It's the slow

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steady

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Consistency and we have to create mechanisms where we allow for those little innocuous interactions to happen

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but when we allow cell phones and conference rooms we just

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Okay, I had the meeting and then my favorite is like when there's a cell phone there, and you go like this you go

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It rings and go I'm not gonna answer that mr. Magnanimous. You know

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When you're out for dinner with your friends like I I do this with my friends when we're going out for dinner

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And we're leaving together

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We'll leave our cell phones at home

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Who we calling maybe one of us will bring the phone in case we need to call an uber or take a picture of our meal.

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You guys are insane. Come on.

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I am. I'm not

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I'm an idealist, but I'm not insane

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I mean it looked really good

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we'll take one phone and

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So it's like an alcoholic the reason you take the alcohol out of the house... is because we cannot trust our willpower

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We're just not strong enough, but when you remove the temptation

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It actually makes it a lot easier

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and so when you just say don't check your phone people literally will go like this and somebody will go to the bathroom and what's

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The first thing we do

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Because I wouldn't want to look around the restaurant for a minute and a half you know, but if you don't have the phone

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You just kind of enjoy the world and that's where ideas happen

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The constant, constant, constant engagement is not where you have innovation and ideas

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Ideas happen when our minds wonder we go and you see something uh I bet they could do that that's called innovation

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Right? But we're taking away all those little moments

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Right? you should not... none of us none of us should charge our phones by our beds

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We should be charging our phones in the living rooms

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Right remove the temptation you wake up in the middle of night because you can't sleep you won't check your phone

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Which makes it worse, but if it's in the living room?

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Its relaxed it's fine, but it's my alarm clock. Buy an alarm clock

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They cost $8

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I'll buy you an alarm clock

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But the point is the point is is we now in industry

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Whether we like it or not. We don't get a choice

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We now have a responsibility to make up the shortfall and to help this amazing idealistic

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fantastic generation build their confidence learn patience learn the social skills

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Find a better balance between life and technology because quite frankly it's it's the right thing to do