[Eddie Izzard:] You can't do that in Church of England.

You can't say you must have tea and cake with the vicar. Or you die!

You can't have extreme points of view.

You know the Spanish Inquisition wouldn't have worked with Church of England

"Talk! You Talk!'

"But it hurts"

" Well loosen it up a bit will you"

[audience laugh]

[Eddie:] That's what it will be : "Tea and cake or death!"

Tea and cake or death!

[laughter]

Tea and cake or death!

Students with their tea and cake or death!

Tea and cake or death!

Little red cook book. Little red cook book.

[laughter]

[Eddie:] Because cake or death?

That's a pretty easy question - anyone can answer that.

"Cake or death!?"

"Ahh cake please."

[laughter]

"Very well! Give him cake."

"Oh thanks very much. It's very nice."

[laughter]

"You. Cake or death?"

"Ah cake for me too please."

[laughter]

"Very well. Give him cake too."

"We're gonna run out of cake at this rate."

[laughter]

"You. Cake or death?"

"Ah death please. No cake! Cake! Cake!"

"You said death first. Ahhh!"

"No I meant cake."

"Oh alright."

"You're lucky I'm Church of England."

[laughter]

"Cake or death?'

"Ah cake please."

'Well we're out of cake. We only had three left - we didn't expect such a rush."

"So what do you want?"

"So my choice is 'or death'?"

"Well I'll have the chicken then please."

"Tastes of human sir."

"Would you like a white wine?"

"Oh, thank you, thank you very much"

"Thank you for flying Church of England. Cake or death?"

[applause]