0:00:00.000,0:00:01.872
[Eddie Izzard:] You can't do that in Church of England.

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You can't say you must have tea and cake. Or you die!

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You can't have extreme points of view.

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You know the Spanish Inquisition wouldn't have worked in Church of England

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"Talk! You Talk!'

0:00:12.110,0:00:13.215
"But it hurts"

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" Well loosen it up a bit will you"

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[audience laugh]

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[Eddie:] That's why you'll eat tea and cake or death!

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Tea and cake or death!

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[laughter]

0:00:24.815,0:00:26.601
Tea and cake or death!

0:00:26.601,0:00:27.599
???Students with their tea and cake or death!

0:00:27.599,0:00:28.603
Tea and cake or death!

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Little red cook book. Little red cook book.

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[laughter]

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[Eddie:] ??? cake or death?

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That's a pretty easy question - anyone can answer that.

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"Cake or death!?"

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"Ahh cake please."

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[laughter]

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"Very well! Give him cake."

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"Oh thanks very much. It's very nice."

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[laughter]

0:00:52.832,0:00:55.225
"You. Cake or death?"

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"Ah cake for me too please."

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[laughter]

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"Very well. Give him cake too."

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"We're gonna run out of cake at this rate."

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[laughter]

0:01:08.692,0:01:10.726
"You. Cake or death?"

0:01:10.726,0:01:14.525
"Ah death please. No cake! Cake! Cake!"

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"You said death first. Ahhh!"

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"No I meant cake."

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"Oh alright."

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"You're lucky I'm Church of England."

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[laughter]

0:01:24.903,0:01:25.411
"Cake or death?'

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"Ah cake please."

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'Well we're out of cake. We only had three left - we didn't expect such a rush."

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"So what do you want?"

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"So my choice is are all death?"

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"Well I'll have the chicken then please."

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"Tastes of human sir." ???

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"Would you like a white wine?"

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"er that would be great" ???

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"Thank you for flying Church of England. Cake or death?"

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[applause]