[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.81,0:00:05.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All those kids and their hipping\Nand their hopping.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.49,0:00:08.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pull up your damned pants,\Nyou morons!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.93,0:00:16.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Second Comedy Central special,\Nit`s gonna be great!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.73,0:00:20.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, Mommy.\Nl don`t want to wear the pink bow.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.85,0:00:25.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He even does this in his sleep.\NWhat a freak!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.33,0:00:28.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you idiots give it a rest?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.61,0:00:31.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you like to see my stick?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.77,0:00:37.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,JEFF DUNHAM\NSPARK OF lNSANlTY
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.65,0:00:48.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.17,0:00:53.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.37,0:00:59.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you doing alright?\NThank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.09,0:01:03.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you so much.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.37,0:01:16.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright. Thank you.\NThank you so much.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.25,0:01:23.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can`t fool me. l know it`s all\Nfor the little guys in the suitcase.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.01,0:01:32.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you for coming out tonight.\NThis is such a pleasure.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.61,0:01:36.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before we start, l must say it is a\Ntrue honor to be in this theater-
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.13,0:01:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-with you people, in the capital of\Nthe greatest country in the world-
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.65,0:01:43.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-the United States of America.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.53,0:01:55.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ln driving around\Nthe city the last couple of days-
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.37,0:01:58.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l couldn`t help but realize that\Nhere in D.C., like everywhere else-
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.97,0:02:02.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-gas prices suck!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.37,0:02:07.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife and l live in L.A.,\Nand we were owners of 2 big SUVs.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.73,0:02:11.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We decided to do the economically\Nand ecologically right thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.17,0:02:17.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We got rid of one of the\Nbig, giant SUVs and got a Prius.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.45,0:02:20.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l don`t know why you`re laughing,\Nit`s a great vehicle.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.37,0:02:23.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You jump on the freeway\Nand punch it, it goes:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.05,0:02:30.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you can drive\Nunderneath an 18-wheeler and go:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.01,0:02:34.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``That`s really dirty``,\Nand drive back out...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.69,0:02:39.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is just too damned small.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.81,0:02:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s cool at the gas pump. On one\Ntank you`ve driven 2 or 3000 miles.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.17,0:02:48.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You fill up and go:\N``Oh, all done! l`ll be damned.``
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.77,0:02:51.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``10 cents? That`s amazing!``
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.53,0:02:55.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m not used to a vehicle like this.\Nl`ve had big trucks and SUVs.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.45,0:02:58.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The one vehicle l refuse to\Nget rid of, l`ve had it for 10 years.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.73,0:03:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l love this thing.\Nl`ve taken good care of it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.65,0:03:04.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s not politically correct\Nto drive it. l don`t care.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.69,0:03:09.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,H-1 Hummer. The real one,\Nthe big one, the military version.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.49,0:03:16.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l love this thing.\Nlt has a 38-gallon tank.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.37,0:03:20.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gets 7 miles to the gallon.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.49,0:03:24.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Diesel, where l live,\Nat its peak was $3.84 per gallon.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.89,0:03:27.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. l went to fill it up that week,\Nit wasn`t even empty.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.81,0:03:31.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt cost me\Na hundred forty-eight dollars.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.89,0:03:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l pushed the vehicle home.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.21,0:03:38.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As l rolled it into\Nthe driveway, l told my kids:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.89,0:03:42.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Girls, look at\Nour new front yard ornament.``
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.73,0:03:45.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Get in the Prius.``
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.93,0:03:48.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``You suck, Dad!``
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.05,0:03:54.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l used to pick Priuses\Nout of the grill of my Hummer.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.69,0:04:02.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,During the holidays last year, we\Ntook the Hummer in for maintenance.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.77,0:04:07.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then we were driving home and\Nmy wife is behind me in the Hummer.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.21,0:04:09.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m in front driving the Prius.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.45,0:04:12.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l was tricked somehow.\Nl don`t know how that happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.97,0:04:15.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She calls me\Non the cellphone, laughing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.93,0:04:18.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me explain why.\NOur Prius is not a black Prius.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.05,0:04:22.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s not a red Prius, it`s a\Nblue Prius. But not really blue.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.89,0:04:27.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s more of a ...blue... Prius.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.77,0:04:32.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s pretty.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.53,0:04:35.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sparkly!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.41,0:04:39.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l did that\Na little too well, didn`t l?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.53,0:04:57.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,While l`m driving, l`m holding in my\Narm, my wife`s 3-pound Chihuahua.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.61,0:05:03.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to hold it while you drive\Nor it`ll fall down between the seats.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.13,0:05:07.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Where the hell is this dog?\NOh, there you are!``
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.53,0:05:12.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Let me put down the parking brake,\Nthat`ll hold you, you bastard.``
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.29,0:05:17.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``l`ve got to shift... Oh!``
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.45,0:05:29.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``That was your head? l`m sorry.\Nl thought it was the shifty thingy.``
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.09,0:05:33.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Same size. Leather, fur,\Nl don`t know the difference.``
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.13,0:05:37.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``l thought l was grinding the gears.``
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.73,0:05:44.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thanks for laughing at that. That`s\Nthe stupidest joke l tell all night.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.49,0:05:47.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That morning,\Nl don`t know why l didn`t see it-
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.49,0:05:51.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-my children had taken\Nvinyl window holiday decorations-
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.77,0:05:54.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-and put them all over\Nthe back window of the Prius.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.05,0:06:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Christmas trees, Santa Claus.\NSnowflakes. lt was so pretty.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.25,0:06:02.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife calls me,\Nlaughing hysterically.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.97,0:06:07.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``What`s so funny?``\N``Can you see yourself?``
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.17,0:06:11.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``You`re driving a powder blue Prius,\Nholding a 3-pound Chihuahua.``
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.13,0:06:15.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``There`s pretty Christmas decorations\Nall over your car.``
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.09,0:06:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``And you make a living with dolls.\NYou`re gay!`` - Click.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.57,0:06:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And l`m like, ``Bitch!`` - click.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.69,0:06:42.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A Chihuahua. That`s\Nmy wife`s idea of a family pet.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.89,0:06:46.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The dog l picked out is Bill, our\NGolden Retriever. He`s 80 pounds.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.69,0:06:50.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now that is a dog,\Nladies and gentlemen.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.01,0:06:56.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l named him Bill because l got him\Nwhen Clinton was in office-
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.69,0:07:00.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-and as a puppy,\Nhe was humping everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.05,0:07:08.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When it comes to dogs-
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.29,0:07:11.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l have criteria\Nfor what is and is not a dog.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.21,0:07:18.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here is what is not a dog:\Nanything that bounces when it barks.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.37,0:07:24.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not a dog: anything l can easily\Ndrop-kick over my back fence.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.53,0:07:30.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not a dog: anything that is regularly\Nterrified by a running leaf.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.49,0:07:34.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`s not a dog, that`s a yapping\NBeanie Baby, that`s what that is.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.05,0:07:39.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s the Richard Simmons\Nof canines, that`s all l`m saying.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.45,0:08:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Honey, what was that?``\N``l don`t know!``,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.25,0:08:03.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bill`s sitting next to me:\N``l don`t know either!``
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.53,0:08:06.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``You`re a genius, do it again!``
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.73,0:08:09.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Size does matter\Nin the canine brain.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.37,0:08:12.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bill, Golden Retriever,\Nvery smart animal.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.33,0:08:16.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf he pooped on the living room\Ncarpet, l stuck his nose in it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.57,0:08:20.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Three times later, he figured out:\N``l`m not supposed to crap here.``
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.89,0:08:25.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next two dogs, same thing. Now the\Nbrain-dead Chihuahua comes along.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.21,0:08:27.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She poops on the carpet,\Nl stick her nose in it-
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.69,0:08:33.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-three times later she thinks,\N``l`m not supposed to crap, ever.``
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.45,0:08:43.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that`s why they shake.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.13,0:08:55.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another way Chihuahuas\Nprove their lack of intelligence:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.13,0:09:00.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most dogs know when you find a stick\Nin the yard and you run with it-
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.33,0:09:03.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-you put the stick\Nin your mouth sideways.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.97,0:09:10.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l am not kidding. This little idiot\Ndog found a stick as long as she was-
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.85,0:09:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-and she stuck it\Nin her mouth straight out the front.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.69,0:09:17.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is all true.\NWe`re on the couch watching TV.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.81,0:09:21.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She runs through the house, as\Nfast as she can, stick straight out.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.93,0:09:28.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As she runs across the carpet\Nshe decides to quickly look down.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.21,0:09:31.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh yeah. Stick in the carpet,\Ncrammed down her throat.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.45,0:09:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With momentum, she\Nactually pole-vaulted over the stick.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.01,0:09:48.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course my wife\Nand my girls are all...
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.17,0:09:53.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l couldn`t breathe,\Nl was laughing so hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.49,0:09:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l thought, ``Damn, if she`d\Nbeen going a little faster-``
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.09,0:10:01.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``-l`d have a new puppet.\NA Chihuahua on a stick!``
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.65,0:10:14.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife started going nuts\Nwith the Chihuahua thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.01,0:10:16.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She named her Chihuahua Darby.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.17,0:10:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a year and a half my wife\Ndecided it was time to breed the dog.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.61,0:10:27.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife got on the internet and\Nfound the 3-pound...stud...Chihuahua.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.53,0:10:31.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l don`t know how you call\Nanything that`s 3 pounds `a stud`.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.41,0:10:35.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We picked up little Jake.\NThe owner wanted to get rid of him.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.25,0:10:38.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Jake came to live at our house.\NHe was full grown, ready to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.89,0:10:40.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then Darby came in heat.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.01,0:10:44.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not long afterthat we had\Nthree tiny little Chihuahua puppies.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.13,0:10:49.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The two larger ones my wife\Ngave away. The runt of the litter...
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.45,0:10:53.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The runt from two\N3-pound dogs we decided to keep.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.93,0:10:58.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rusty is now full-grown,\Nat a whopping 1.8 pounds.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.89,0:11:03.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The cool part is he\Nand 80-pound Bill are best friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.65,0:11:05.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l don`t know how\Nyou can be best friends-
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.93,0:11:10.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-with someone\Nwho is the same size as your poop.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.89,0:11:19.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My kids question\Nwhether l`m funny or not.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.77,0:11:25.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l pointed that out in the backyard\Nto them. l`m a comedy genius now!
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.77,0:11:31.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The cool part is little Rusty picked\Nme over everyone else to bond with.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.29,0:11:33.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He likes me best,\Nwe don`t know why. l kinda like it.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.61,0:11:35.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l come home, he runs\Nto the front door, l pick him up-
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.97,0:11:41.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-take him to my office. l have a\Nstuffed car, he sits in that car.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.81,0:11:45.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf he sits just right, it looks\Nlike he`s driving around my desk.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.73,0:11:50.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People walk in my office,\N``lt`s a rat! Oh, it`s your dog.``
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.09,0:11:57.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The bond between Rusty and me\Nhas gone beyond just companionship.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.53,0:11:59.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There`s an emotional bond.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.93,0:12:03.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This has happened 5 times.\Nlt can`t be coincidence.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.57,0:12:06.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The three Chihuahuas sleep\Nin the bed with my wife and me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.09,0:12:10.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife and l will get into\Nan argument, go to bed angry.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.53,0:12:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You`re not supposed to do that,\Nbut we`re tired.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.69,0:12:17.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rusty hears the argument, knows\Nwe`re not happy with each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.01,0:12:21.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But he takes my side.\NAt 3 or 4 in the morning-
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.21,0:12:25.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-he will wake up,\Nand pee on my wife.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.13,0:12:37.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l am not kidding.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.73,0:12:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s the greatest thing ever!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.41,0:12:43.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l have the satisfaction of knowing-
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.81,0:12:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-if l go to bed angry with my wife,\Nit`s gonna be taken care of.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.01,0:12:52.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is all absolutely true.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.65,0:12:56.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l had to get up early for an\NEast Coast flight, about 3:30.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.13,0:13:00.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife and l had argued,\Nl wake up still mad at her.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.33,0:13:03.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,4 am, l`m ready to walk out the door,\Nbut l still love her.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.37,0:13:06.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l go to kiss her.\Nl walk over and put my hand on her...
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.49,0:13:10.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Rusty, my man!``
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.57,0:13:15.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s still warm,\Nshe hasn`t woken up yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.37,0:13:20.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l lean over, ``l love you honey, see\Nyou later, Rusty pissed on you. Bye!``
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.85,0:13:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rusty`s at the end of the bed\Njust wagging his tail.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.45,0:13:29.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m at the front door, ``l hope\Nhe doesn`t teach Bill to do that.``
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.29,0:13:36.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have three daughters.\NThey are 9, 11 and 15 years old.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.69,0:13:40.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They`ve had normal childhoods.\NMost things have been great.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.97,0:13:44.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some things have been different\Nbecause of the ventriloquism.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.81,0:13:48.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example,\Ntheir Barbie dolls actually speak.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.73,0:13:51.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not when Mommy`s around.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.49,0:14:00.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Ken, you smell\Nlike beer and cigarettes.``
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.21,0:14:05.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m a lot of fun\Nat Toys `R` Us around Christmastime.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.49,0:14:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Boys run to their parents, ``Mommy,\Nknow what that Gl Joe said to me?``
Dialogue: 0,0:14:14.29,0:14:17.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They will never catch me.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.05,0:14:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We try to take\Nfamily walks as often as possible.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.73,0:14:23.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On these walks,\Nwe let one kid pick out one dog.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.45,0:14:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One evening we let Kenna,\Nthe 9-year-old, choose.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:27.05,0:14:32.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kenna seems to have\Na real twisted sense of humor.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.57,0:14:36.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don`t know\Nwhere that came from.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.45,0:14:41.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have a leash. One of\Nthose big self-retracting leashes.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.53,0:14:44.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You push the button\Nand it quickly retracts.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.45,0:14:48.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don`t beat me to the funny part.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:48.41,0:14:51.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l walk out the front door and\Nthink l`ll be the first one there.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.81,0:14:55.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kenna is out front and has\NDarby hooked up to that leash.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.53,0:14:59.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She`s 2 feet away. Kenna keeps\Npushing the button and letting it up.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.21,0:15:02.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Darby is going...\Nl ask Kenna, ``What are you doing?``
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.05,0:15:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``l`m trying to\Nmake her heel automatically.``
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.37,0:15:11.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l say, ``Kenna!\Nlt doesn`t work. l already tried it.``
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.85,0:15:13.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``High five.``
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.17,0:15:17.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We`re out for a walk and\NKenna has the dog at full extension.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.25,0:15:21.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,30 or 40 feet on the leash and she\Nhasn`t given up on what she`s trying.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.33,0:15:24.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As we`re walking she`s\Npushing the button and letting it up.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.29,0:15:26.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Looking at the dog,\Nlooking at the leash-
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.81,0:15:28.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-the wheels in her head turning...
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.01,0:15:32.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``What is this twisted\Nlittle child going to do?``
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.25,0:15:36.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As we`re walking, she pushed\Nthe button. Quickly and on purpose-
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.29,0:15:38.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-dropped the leash.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.81,0:15:44.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you see the brilliance here?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.97,0:15:49.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The leash then began\Nto chase the Chihuahua.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.77,0:16:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A big hunk of black plastic\Nskimmed across the pavement.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.57,0:16:07.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Chihuahua stopped.\NShe heard a new noise.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.81,0:16:11.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She looked behind her.\NHere comes the leash.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.53,0:16:13.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At this point, the Chihuahua\Nis smart enough to know-
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.09,0:16:17.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-that now would be\Na good time to panic.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.69,0:16:21.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She took off like a bullet down the\Nstreet running as fast as she could.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.93,0:16:25.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the leash\Nwas slightly faster.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:26.13,0:16:30.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m standing there,\N``Where`s the video camera?``
Dialogue: 0,0:16:30.61,0:16:33.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``We can win 10,000 bucks!\N`Watch what happens!```
Dialogue: 0,0:16:34.17,0:16:37.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And sure enough...
Dialogue: 0,0:16:37.69,0:16:41.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course my wife\Nand my two oldest girls...
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.45,0:16:45.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Kenna and l\Nare rolling in the lawn.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.73,0:16:57.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m high-fiving her,\Ntelling her she`s a genius.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.93,0:17:00.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mommy turns around,\Nsees us laughing.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:00.49,0:17:04.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Crap! Don`t look her in the eye.\NLook down. Back away slowly.``
Dialogue: 0,0:17:04.29,0:17:07.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Rusty will piss on her later.``
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.89,0:17:17.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ladies and gentlemen,\Nyou`re an awesome audience.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:18.41,0:17:23.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How about we get to the people\Nyou came to see tonight?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:29.09,0:17:33.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first guy, l think audiences\Nenjoy because everyone-
Dialogue: 0,0:17:33.21,0:17:36.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-knows someone like this. ln your\Nown family or where you work.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:37.13,0:17:40.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Please help me\Nwelcome my old friend, Walter.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.33,0:18:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Get a life.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:08.77,0:18:12.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How you doing, Walter?\N-What happened to your hair?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:12.69,0:18:15.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Looks like\Nyou were in a fricking car wreck.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:15.73,0:18:20.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-They said it makes me look hip.\N-l think it makes you look homeless.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:21.09,0:18:26.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Been in D.C. fortwo days and you`re\Nalready fricking homeless. Holy cow.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:27.61,0:18:29.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Come on, Walter, do you like D.C.?\N-Oh yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:30.01,0:18:35.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There`s nothing quite like being\Nmugged in our nation`s capital.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.69,0:18:39.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There`s a lot of excitement\Nthat goes on in Washington, D.C.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:39.53,0:18:45.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, what happens in D.C.\Nstays on YouTube.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:52.61,0:18:54.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you don`t like being in D.C.?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:55.05,0:18:57.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, l like it. l get screwed\Non my taxes every year.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:58.05,0:19:03.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it`s fun to come visit the source.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:04.81,0:19:08.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What did you do for fun today?\N-Stood in front of the lRS building.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:08.89,0:19:11.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l just flipped them off.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:18.69,0:19:21.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Did you go to the White House?\N-Oh yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:21.25,0:19:24.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`s where the most\Npowerful man in the free world lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:24.77,0:19:27.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oprah?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:34.45,0:19:38.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What`s wrong with you tonight?\N-l don`t know. l`m just pissed.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:38.85,0:19:41.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l don`t want to go home.\N-Why not?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:41.61,0:19:44.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l think my house is haunted.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:44.61,0:19:48.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why do you think that?\N-My wife is there.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:53.73,0:19:59.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l walk in the front door\Nand all l hear is, ``Get out!``
Dialogue: 0,0:20:02.25,0:20:04.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You got in another argument\Non the phone today, didn`t you?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:04.97,0:20:07.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You heard that, did you?\N-Oh yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:07.53,0:20:12.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hung up on her. She called right\Nback, ``Did you hang up on me?``
Dialogue: 0,0:20:12.57,0:20:16.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l said, ``l don`t know, did it sound\Nsomething like this?`` - Click.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:22.85,0:20:28.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Did that make her angry?\N-l felt a disturbance in The Force.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:29.01,0:20:31.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You ever made her that mad when\Nyou`re standing in front of her?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:31.85,0:20:36.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. My mothertold me if you`re in\Na jam and don`t know what to do-
Dialogue: 0,0:20:36.41,0:20:40.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-you should think,\N``What would Jesus do?``
Dialogue: 0,0:20:40.21,0:20:43.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So l tried to turn her into a fish.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:46.21,0:20:51.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l stood there going,\N``Begone, Satan!``
Dialogue: 0,0:20:52.01,0:20:55.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Hello, Shamu!``
Dialogue: 0,0:20:57.93,0:21:02.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, at least Shamu\Nhas only one blowhole.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:10.29,0:21:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Aw, screw you.\NThat was funny.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:19.05,0:21:22.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, it`s the ClA.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:29.37,0:21:32.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l see you.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:36.85,0:21:40.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can all see you.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:44.69,0:21:49.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, the show\Nlooks a lot better from the front.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:49.81,0:21:53.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ls the director drunk?\NWhat the hell?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:06.21,0:22:09.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What? Holy crap!
Dialogue: 0,0:22:17.49,0:22:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wait, come back.\NLet me see in there.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:20.65,0:22:25.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is Comedy Central.\Nl can see Cartman.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:25.89,0:22:30.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l can see Kenny.\NOh, he just got killed.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:41.25,0:22:43.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You`ve been married a long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:43.53,0:22:47.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ups and downs in any marriage.\NEver been to marriage counseling?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:47.25,0:22:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes.\N-What did that do for you?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:50.09,0:22:55.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at me. l`m happy!
Dialogue: 0,0:22:55.65,0:22:58.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on. What were\Nthe results of the counseling?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:58.81,0:23:03.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At the end of it all, there were\Ntwo folks who thought l was an ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:04.13,0:23:08.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And l`m paying both of them.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:08.73,0:23:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-But you are happy to be here?\N-Oh sure. Betterthan last week.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:12.45,0:23:15.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Last week? Fort Lauderdale, Florida.\NYou didn`t like that?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:15.73,0:23:22.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No. Everyone in Fort Lauderdale,\NFlorida looks exactly like me.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:30.85,0:23:34.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l swear, it`s like\None giant nursing home.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:34.97,0:23:38.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ft. Lauderdale is where they tape\Nthose ``Girls Gone Wild`` videos.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:38.53,0:23:43.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`s during Spring Break. The rest\Nof the time it`s ``Girls Gone Saggy``.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:45.57,0:23:48.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or it`s ``Girls Gone Senile``.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:48.69,0:23:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then it`s just ``Girls Gone``.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:54.29,0:23:56.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You didn`t like the weather either.\N-Oh my God.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:57.05,0:24:01.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even in the middle of winter,\Nit`s humid as hell and hot as hell.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:01.89,0:24:04.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We got there,\Nl took a shower on Monday.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:04.37,0:24:07.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Friday, still not dry.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:08.09,0:24:12.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l swear, l have moss on my ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:17.57,0:24:19.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You said\Nthe weather changes too quickly.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:20.13,0:24:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l know it changes fast everywhere,\Nbut in Florida, it`s ridiculous.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:24.57,0:24:27.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What are you talking about?\N-l was standing on the beach.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:27.85,0:24:30.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ln the sunshine,\Nhaving a little iced tea.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:30.81,0:24:33.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l looked over and go,\N``Ooh, look, a little cloud.``
Dialogue: 0,0:24:34.09,0:24:37.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,About three minutes later...
Dialogue: 0,0:24:37.89,0:24:41.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Holy crap!``
Dialogue: 0,0:24:41.49,0:24:43.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The locals are\Nhanging on to the palm trees.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:43.85,0:24:47.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``We love it here!``
Dialogue: 0,0:24:47.29,0:24:49.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You dumbasses!
Dialogue: 0,0:24:50.01,0:24:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l say, leave it to the Cubans\Nand get the hell out!
Dialogue: 0,0:25:03.37,0:25:05.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright, so you want\Nsomeplace a little cooler.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:05.81,0:25:08.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember,\Nwe went to Green Bay, Wisconsin.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:08.41,0:25:14.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, in February! lt was negative\N20 with a negative 30 wind chill.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:15.05,0:25:20.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`d get on stage every night and say,\N``You people are idiots``.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:20.57,0:25:25.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Did you know\Nthe borders are open?``
Dialogue: 0,0:25:25.73,0:25:29.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Pack up your Suburban\Nand get the hell out!``
Dialogue: 0,0:25:29.17,0:25:32.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another thing. Green Bay Packers\Nstadium, what`s it called?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:32.21,0:25:38.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Lambo Field.\N-Lambo Field. No roof. Hello!
Dialogue: 0,0:25:38.29,0:25:42.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How many football season weekends\Nhave good weather in Green Bay?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:42.45,0:25:45.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That would be...none.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:45.69,0:25:50.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Note to self: build a fricking roof.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:50.97,0:25:55.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have the technology.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:56.01,0:26:00.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, you talk to the locals\Nin Green Bay, what do they say?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:01.05,0:26:05.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``We love it here.``
Dialogue: 0,0:26:05.17,0:26:08.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``We`re a hardy people.``
Dialogue: 0,0:26:08.61,0:26:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A bunch of frozen dumbasses,\Nis what you are.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:12.45,0:26:16.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Walter, you don`t like humidity,\Nyou don`t like extreme cold.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:16.89,0:26:18.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You want someplace\Nwarmer and drier.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:19.05,0:26:24.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Well in August, we were in Phoenix.\N-August in Phoenix, Arizona.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:24.85,0:26:28.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your agent is a moron.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:31.37,0:26:34.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt was 112 forthree days in a row.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:34.89,0:26:39.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do all the locals say?\N``But it`s a dry heat.``
Dialogue: 0,0:26:39.69,0:26:43.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Screw you.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:48.89,0:26:52.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A bonfire`s a dry heat.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:52.41,0:26:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don`t see me sticking\Nmy ass in one of those, do you?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:56.09,0:27:00.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Your ass is on fire.``\N``lt`s a dry heat!``
Dialogue: 0,0:27:02.21,0:27:06.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``l was in Florida,\Nl gotta burn off the fricking moss!``
Dialogue: 0,0:27:10.73,0:27:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Did you enjoy New York City?\N-Oh, l love New York City.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:14.61,0:27:18.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt was great. Do shows in Manhattan,\Nabout midnight get back to the hotel.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:19.05,0:27:21.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At 1 a.m.,\Nl`d lay my head on the pillow-
Dialogue: 0,0:27:21.85,0:27:26.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-and listen\Nto the sounds of the city.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:32.29,0:27:34.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my God.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:34.93,0:27:38.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-The city that never sleeps.\N-Well, it needs a fricking nap.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:38.77,0:27:43.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You`ve eliminated every corner of the\Ncountry. What about where we live?
Dialogue: 0,0:27:43.65,0:27:46.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People love\Nthe weather in Southern California.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:46.69,0:27:50.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At least with Florida and hurricanes,\Nyou get a little notice.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:50.49,0:27:54.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You turn on the news: ``You have\Nthree days to get the hell out!``
Dialogue: 0,0:27:54.49,0:27:56.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So?\N-ln L.A., we`ve got earthquakes.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:56.97,0:27:59.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don`t know jack.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:59.57,0:28:03.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One morning, you could be sitting\Non the toilet and all of a sudden...
Dialogue: 0,0:28:06.37,0:28:09.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There`s crap flying around the house.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:10.13,0:28:14.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``We love it here!``
Dialogue: 0,0:28:27.01,0:28:29.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You`re a dumbass, too.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:29.93,0:28:32.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Remember that last big earthquake?\N-Sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:32.97,0:28:35.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Bad timing on that earthquake.\N-How`s that?
Dialogue: 0,0:28:35.69,0:28:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not two seconds before it hit,\Nl told my grandson to pull my finger.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:46.85,0:28:51.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He pulled it, l farted and\Nhalf the neighborhood fell down.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:56.85,0:29:01.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That kid hasn`t come near me since.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:01.97,0:29:06.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other day l cracked my knuckles\Nand he dove underthe couch.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:25.89,0:29:30.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What was that?\N-We`re in D.C. That was a veto.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:39.05,0:29:43.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Walter, l`m listening to you and l\Nget the feeling we travel too much.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:43.41,0:29:45.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, you think?
Dialogue: 0,0:29:45.57,0:29:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why don`t you like airplanes?\N-l`m your carryon, for God`s sakes.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:50.09,0:29:54.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l go in the x-ray machine.\Nl could have cancer tonight!
Dialogue: 0,0:29:54.57,0:29:58.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Tell them what happened at O`Hare.\N-We`re going through the airport.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:58.57,0:30:01.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l come out the other side of the\Nx-ray and hearthe guy say to Jeff:
Dialogue: 0,0:30:02.09,0:30:04.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Sir! l`ve got\Nto look inside your suitcase.``
Dialogue: 0,0:30:04.61,0:30:07.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m lying there thinking,\N``Aw crap, here we go.``
Dialogue: 0,0:30:07.61,0:30:10.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jeff`s standing there, the guy\Nopens the case, l pop up and go:
Dialogue: 0,0:30:10.73,0:30:14.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Hey! Shut the damned door!``
Dialogue: 0,0:30:20.33,0:30:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Scared the crap out of the guy. Then\Nl thought about it a second and said:
Dialogue: 0,0:30:25.17,0:30:28.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``l do not want to go to Los Angeles.``
Dialogue: 0,0:30:36.81,0:30:40.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-And what happened?\N-We were detained.
Dialogue: 0,0:30:40.89,0:30:45.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Them bastards\Nhave no sense of humor.
Dialogue: 0,0:30:45.89,0:30:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have to be\Ntight on security these days.
Dialogue: 0,0:30:48.17,0:30:50.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l know. The terrorist threats\Nand all that crap.
Dialogue: 0,0:30:51.09,0:30:53.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There`s one group of folks\Nl don`t understand at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:30:54.09,0:31:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Damned suicide bombers.\NGood God, what the hell is this?
Dialogue: 0,0:31:05.81,0:31:09.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, way to go, habib.
Dialogue: 0,0:31:09.89,0:31:13.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bet you can`t fricking do it again.
Dialogue: 0,0:31:26.29,0:31:28.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dumbass.
Dialogue: 0,0:31:28.93,0:31:31.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Walter, those guys believe\Nthat if they martyrthemselves-
Dialogue: 0,0:31:32.01,0:31:35.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-there will be 72 virgins\Nwaiting forthem in Paradise.
Dialogue: 0,0:31:35.37,0:31:38.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, April Fool, dumbass!
Dialogue: 0,0:31:43.05,0:31:48.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf there are virgins waiting for you,\Nit`ll be 72 guys just like you!
Dialogue: 0,0:31:50.89,0:31:54.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Oh no, this is not\Nwhat Osama said it would be``.
Dialogue: 0,0:32:03.69,0:32:09.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,72 virgins? Why not 72 slutty broads\Nwho know what they`re doing?
Dialogue: 0,0:32:29.29,0:32:33.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had a longer fuse.
Dialogue: 0,0:32:34.85,0:32:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l wonder if they pull that joke on\Neach other every once in a while.
Dialogue: 0,0:32:39.45,0:32:43.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What joke?
Dialogue: 0,0:32:46.41,0:32:48.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the...
Dialogue: 0,0:33:00.81,0:33:03.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Did you see Jamil`s face?``
Dialogue: 0,0:33:04.13,0:33:07.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``lt`s gone now,\Nbut did you see his face?``
Dialogue: 0,0:33:11.81,0:33:16.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,72 virgins.\NSounds like a punishment to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:33:16.77,0:33:22.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l gotta teach 72 women\Nhow to have sex? Oh my God!
Dialogue: 0,0:33:22.29,0:33:26.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l hope there`s no Viagra in heaven.
Dialogue: 0,0:33:26.25,0:33:31.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lmpotence is God`s way of helping\Na man like me to `just say no`.
Dialogue: 0,0:33:37.13,0:33:42.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf l take Viagra, it`s just to help\Nme keep from rolling out of bed.
Dialogue: 0,0:33:52.81,0:33:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Did you get that one?\N-She got it!
Dialogue: 0,0:33:57.01,0:34:00.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-lt`s a kickstand joke.\N-Will you stop?
Dialogue: 0,0:34:06.33,0:34:09.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What`re you shaking your head at?\NYou got a good love life?
Dialogue: 0,0:34:09.57,0:34:12.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Sure. Yeah.\N-Good sex life? With your wife?
Dialogue: 0,0:34:15.13,0:34:17.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes.\N-Good for her, too?
Dialogue: 0,0:34:17.73,0:34:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yeah.\N-How do you know?
Dialogue: 0,0:34:23.09,0:34:27.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?\N-How do you know?
Dialogue: 0,0:34:29.33,0:34:32.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We`re waiting!
Dialogue: 0,0:34:32.33,0:34:36.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, sometimes she calls me...
Dialogue: 0,0:34:36.29,0:34:38.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...``The Hurricane``.
Dialogue: 0,0:34:38.73,0:34:43.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-The what?\N-``The Hurricane``.
Dialogue: 0,0:34:43.21,0:34:48.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, l get it. Exciting at first,\Nthen it ends in disaster.
Dialogue: 0,0:34:56.05,0:34:58.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know,\Nmaybe she should call you ``FEMA``.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:01.41,0:35:03.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now what does that mean?
Dialogue: 0,0:35:03.65,0:35:08.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Slow to respond and\Nnot a lot of satisfying results.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:11.69,0:35:14.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You should know.\NHow long have you been married?
Dialogue: 0,0:35:14.33,0:35:16.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-47 years.\N-That`s amazing.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:16.85,0:35:20.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l know it.\NThat old bitch will never die.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:21.69,0:35:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How long you been married?\N-17 years.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:24.45,0:35:26.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`s pretty good.\NHow do you do it?
Dialogue: 0,0:35:26.85,0:35:30.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l learned a long time\Nago that every couple argues.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:30.41,0:35:33.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l learned that when we`re\Nin the middle of a big argument-
Dialogue: 0,0:35:34.13,0:35:36.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l just think of\Nsomething completely different.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:37.01,0:35:40.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That takes my mind off it,\Nand l don`t stay angry as long.
Dialogue: 0,0:35:40.41,0:35:43.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you think of something\Ncompletely different? Like what?
Dialogue: 0,0:35:43.49,0:35:49.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh l don`t know. Like if you choke\Na Smurf, what color does it turn?
Dialogue: 0,0:36:01.37,0:36:03.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Choke a Smurf?\N-Right.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:03.69,0:36:08.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ls that what they`re calling it now?
Dialogue: 0,0:36:16.21,0:36:19.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the hell\Nhappened to the chicken?
Dialogue: 0,0:36:32.17,0:36:35.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me get back to marriage.\NYou`ve been married a long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:35.41,0:36:38.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Do you still really love your wife?\N-Of course l love her.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:38.89,0:36:41.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Told her lately that you love her?\N-Naw.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:42.13,0:36:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why not?\N-She knows it.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:44.37,0:36:48.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How does she know it?\N-l smile a lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:51.13,0:36:53.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Have you ever cheated on her?\N-No!
Dialogue: 0,0:36:53.77,0:36:56.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dammit.
Dialogue: 0,0:36:56.45,0:37:01.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Marriage is supposed to be forever.\N-And this one`s taking too damn long.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:01.53,0:37:05.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Marriage is an institution.\N-So is Alcatraz.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:06.13,0:37:08.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can`t compare\Nmarriage to prison.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:08.81,0:37:13.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l guess you`re right. The warden\Ndoesn`t max out your credit cards.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:13.77,0:37:18.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other day she got me some\Nof that spray-on hair crap in a can.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:18.53,0:37:23.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Did you use it?\N-Yeah. On your Chihuahua.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:26.49,0:37:29.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Turned it into a Shi-Tzu.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:30.13,0:37:34.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your birthday wasn`t too long ago.\NDid your wife get you anything?
Dialogue: 0,0:37:34.17,0:37:37.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-She got me a book on reincarnation.\N-Do you believe in reincarnation?
Dialogue: 0,0:37:37.97,0:37:40.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Hell, l don`t know.\N-Who would you come back as?
Dialogue: 0,0:37:40.81,0:37:44.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`d come back as my wife\Nand leave me the hell alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:49.01,0:37:52.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You pick on her all the time.\N-Yeah, l know.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:52.37,0:37:56.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe one day, l`ll be reincarnated\Nand come back as a sensitive guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:37:56.81,0:38:01.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Driving a blue fricking Prius.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:09.73,0:38:14.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-That is the saddest little vehicle.\N-lt`s a great car!
Dialogue: 0,0:38:14.61,0:38:16.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You ever heard it\Nwhen you`re driving by?
Dialogue: 0,0:38:16.69,0:38:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt goes, ``liiiiii`m gay.``
Dialogue: 0,0:38:25.13,0:38:28.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``liiiiii`m gay.``
Dialogue: 0,0:38:31.13,0:38:34.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When it idles it goes\N``homohomohomohomo...``
Dialogue: 0,0:38:40.97,0:38:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-ls that a new watch?\N-No, l`ve had it a long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:44.17,0:38:49.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A long time ago you had a rubber,\Nplastic ugly funny name thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:49.93,0:38:53.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was years ago\Nwhen l was in college.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:53.45,0:38:57.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They were popular and might\Nbe coming back. lt`s called a Swatch.
Dialogue: 0,0:38:57.53,0:38:59.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What in the hell is a Swatch?
Dialogue: 0,0:38:59.85,0:39:04.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A company in Switzerland invented\Nthat watch, so they called it Swatch.
Dialogue: 0,0:39:04.45,0:39:07.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good thing they weren`t in Croatia.
Dialogue: 0,0:39:16.69,0:39:21.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``What time is it?``, ``l don`t\Nknow, let me look at my Crotch.``
Dialogue: 0,0:39:25.49,0:39:29.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Sorry l`m late,\Nbut my Crotch is a little slow.``
Dialogue: 0,0:39:29.53,0:39:33.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-lt`s like the Timex, it takes a ...\N-Walter!
Dialogue: 0,0:39:34.09,0:39:37.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`s Walter, there we go!
Dialogue: 0,0:39:50.73,0:39:52.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:39:52.89,0:39:57.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As we all know, there`s a big\Nmess in the Middle East right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:39:57.53,0:39:59.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When it comes to the terrorists-
Dialogue: 0,0:39:59.81,0:40:03.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-most of us don`t understand\Ntheir extremist views and beliefs.
Dialogue: 0,0:40:03.61,0:40:07.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l was thinking, how would it be\Nto sit and talk to one of those guys?
Dialogue: 0,0:40:14.77,0:40:18.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have that opportunity tonight.\NPlease help me welcome-
Dialogue: 0,0:40:18.61,0:40:21.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Achmed, the Dead Terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:40:44.41,0:40:48.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Good evening, Achmed.\N-Good evening.
Dialogue: 0,0:40:48.25,0:40:51.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lnfidel.
Dialogue: 0,0:40:51.89,0:40:56.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So you`re a terrorist.\N-Yes. l am a terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:40:56.37,0:41:02.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What kind of terrorist?\N-A terrifying...terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:04.17,0:41:07.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Are you scared?\N-Not really. No.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:11.01,0:41:14.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-And now?\N-Not really. No.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:18.81,0:41:21.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How about now?\N-No.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:21.33,0:41:24.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Goddammit.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:27.57,0:41:30.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l mean...uh...l mean, Allahdammit.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:32.01,0:41:34.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence!
Dialogue: 0,0:41:34.37,0:41:36.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:45.77,0:41:49.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So, Achmed.\N-No, no. ls Achmed.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:49.45,0:41:53.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-That`s what l said.\N-No, you said Achmed. ls Achmed.
Dialogue: 0,0:41:54.37,0:41:57.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence!
Dialogue: 0,0:41:57.17,0:42:00.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:42:07.49,0:42:11.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How do you spell it?\N-What?
Dialogue: 0,0:42:12.01,0:42:15.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How do you spell your name?\N-Oh let`s see. A.
Dialogue: 0,0:42:15.73,0:42:17.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,C...
Dialogue: 0,0:42:18.77,0:42:21.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Phlegm.
Dialogue: 0,0:42:23.97,0:42:27.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence! l kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:42:35.89,0:42:39.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a terrorist, l suppose\Nyou have some sort of specialty.
Dialogue: 0,0:42:39.81,0:42:42.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes. l am a suicide bomber.
Dialogue: 0,0:42:43.01,0:42:46.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So, you`re finished.\N-What?
Dialogue: 0,0:42:47.09,0:42:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You`ve done your job.\N-No, l haven`t.
Dialogue: 0,0:42:50.09,0:42:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You`re dead.\N-No, l`m not. l feel fine.
Dialogue: 0,0:42:55.61,0:43:00.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-But you`re all bone.\N-ls a flesh wound.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:00.29,0:43:04.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Silence! l kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:07.29,0:43:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the hell happened to my feet?
Dialogue: 0,0:43:11.69,0:43:17.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Son of a bitch. What the hell?\NWhat are you doing? Stop it!
Dialogue: 0,0:43:17.81,0:43:22.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What are you trying to...\NStop touching me!
Dialogue: 0,0:43:27.89,0:43:31.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l kill you!
Dialogue: 0,0:43:31.25,0:43:33.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-We`ll fix this.\N-What are you doing? Holy crap!
Dialogue: 0,0:43:33.93,0:43:39.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m in the air, wait wait.\NSomething is backwards. Holy crap.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:39.33,0:43:42.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l need some ligaments.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:42.25,0:43:44.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Just sit still.\N-Okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:44.57,0:43:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l will not move my ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:43:47.97,0:43:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You idiot, you don`t have an ass!
Dialogue: 0,0:44:00.21,0:44:02.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-ls that Walter?\N-Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:02.77,0:44:05.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He scares the crap out of me.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:07.53,0:44:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Please, do not put me\Nback in the same suitcase.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:10.93,0:44:14.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why?\N-He has gas!
Dialogue: 0,0:44:15.05,0:44:20.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Saddam`s mustard gas was\Nnothing compared to a Walter fart.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:20.21,0:44:24.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ah, ha ha ha ha.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:30.21,0:44:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s not funny. He will kill us.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:35.45,0:44:37.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Listen, l have something to tell you.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:37.89,0:44:40.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?\N-You really are dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:40.81,0:44:46.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you sure?\Nl just got my flu shot.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:46.53,0:44:48.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You really are dead.\N-Wait, if l`m dead...
Dialogue: 0,0:44:49.05,0:44:52.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That means l get my 72 virgins.
Dialogue: 0,0:44:55.69,0:44:58.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you my virgins?
Dialogue: 0,0:44:58.53,0:45:01.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l hope not.\N-Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:45:01.33,0:45:05.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There`s a bunch\Nof ugly-ass guys out there.
Dialogue: 0,0:45:07.85,0:45:11.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf this is Paradise,\Nl`ve been screwed!
Dialogue: 0,0:45:11.85,0:45:14.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did they say\Nit would be only female virgins?
Dialogue: 0,0:45:14.73,0:45:17.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Holy crap!
Dialogue: 0,0:45:24.89,0:45:28.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wait! l can have Clay Aiken.
Dialogue: 0,0:45:34.09,0:45:37.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l told a joke.
Dialogue: 0,0:45:37.49,0:45:43.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Achmed, where did you come from?\N-Yourfricking suitcase.
Dialogue: 0,0:45:43.85,0:45:45.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l told another one.
Dialogue: 0,0:45:46.01,0:45:48.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf you`ve been in my suitcase-
Dialogue: 0,0:45:48.25,0:45:51.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-how have we been getting\Nthrough airport security?
Dialogue: 0,0:45:51.73,0:45:58.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`s easy. They open the case and\Nl go, ``Hello! l am Lindsay Lohan!``
Dialogue: 0,0:46:03.17,0:46:08.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l told another joke!\Nl can do this crap too.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:08.29,0:46:11.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here`s another one.\NTwo Jews walk in a bar...
Dialogue: 0,0:46:11.49,0:46:13.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No. No.\N-What?
Dialogue: 0,0:46:14.01,0:46:16.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don`t let Jews in your bar?
Dialogue: 0,0:46:16.73,0:46:19.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You racist bastard.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:19.57,0:46:23.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What l mean is,\Nl don`t want racist jokes in my act.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:23.45,0:46:26.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh. Okay.\NHow about if l kill the Jews?
Dialogue: 0,0:46:26.77,0:46:29.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m kidding.\Nl would not kill the Jews.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:29.69,0:46:35.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l would toss a penny between them\Nand watch them fight to the death.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:39.65,0:46:46.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, yes. l did the same thing with\Ntwo Catholic priests and a small boy.
Dialogue: 0,0:46:51.49,0:46:56.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, yes. And the winner\Nhad to fight Michael Jackson!
Dialogue: 0,0:46:59.33,0:47:01.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Achmed, stop doing this!
Dialogue: 0,0:47:01.85,0:47:06.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You can`t tell jokes like that.\N-Why not? l`m killing, so to speak.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:06.53,0:47:09.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can`t tell jokes like that.\Nlt offends people.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:09.53,0:47:12.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m dead, what do l care?
Dialogue: 0,0:47:12.89,0:47:15.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do you want me to do,\Nknock-knock jokes?
Dialogue: 0,0:47:16.09,0:47:18.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-lt would be better.\N-Okay, knock-knock.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:18.61,0:47:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Who`s there?\N-Me, l kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:21.61,0:47:24.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a suicide bomber,\Ndid you have training?
Dialogue: 0,0:47:24.73,0:47:27.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course. We had\Nthe suicide bomber training camp.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:28.09,0:47:32.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-ls that a nice facility?\N-lt used to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:32.57,0:47:35.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What happened?\N-New guy!
Dialogue: 0,0:47:35.93,0:47:39.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The idiot tried to practice.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:39.49,0:47:44.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What did you guys learn from that?\N-Location, location, location.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:46.53,0:47:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you have a motto, like...\N``We`re looking for a few good men``.
Dialogue: 0,0:47:50.85,0:47:54.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``We`re looking for\Nsome idiots with no future.``
Dialogue: 0,0:47:54.65,0:48:00.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Where do you get your recruits?\N-The suicide hotline.
Dialogue: 0,0:48:03.93,0:48:07.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was dark, was it not?
Dialogue: 0,0:48:07.61,0:48:11.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What exactly happened to you?\NWhat happened?
Dialogue: 0,0:48:11.45,0:48:16.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf you must know,\Nl am a horrible suicide bomber.
Dialogue: 0,0:48:16.49,0:48:21.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What happened?\N-l had a premature detonation.
Dialogue: 0,0:48:21.33,0:48:26.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l set the timerfor 30 minutes,\Nbut it went off in 4 seconds.
Dialogue: 0,0:48:26.57,0:48:30.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what that`s like, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:48:36.81,0:48:40.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Mr. Hurricane.``
Dialogue: 0,0:48:42.01,0:48:45.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ha ha ha ha ha.
Dialogue: 0,0:48:47.37,0:48:50.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Achmed,\Nwhat exactly happened to you?
Dialogue: 0,0:48:50.37,0:48:54.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l was getting gasoline\Nand l answered my cellphone.
Dialogue: 0,0:48:54.37,0:48:57.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Can you hear me n...?``
Dialogue: 0,0:48:57.57,0:49:01.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At first, l thought it was\Nbecause l went over my minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:49:01.97,0:49:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s okay, l took\Nthat Verizon bastard with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:49:14.45,0:49:17.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What`s it like to die?\NDo you see a white light?
Dialogue: 0,0:49:17.65,0:49:20.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf you`re dumb enough\Nto watch the explosion, yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:49:21.01,0:49:24.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people say when they die they\Nsee a white light. What did you see?
Dialogue: 0,0:49:24.69,0:49:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l saw flying car parts...
Dialogue: 0,0:49:27.05,0:49:29.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What was the last thing\Nthrough your mind?
Dialogue: 0,0:49:29.81,0:49:32.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:49:34.09,0:49:37.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Waltertold me to tell that joke.
Dialogue: 0,0:49:37.37,0:49:44.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You never saw a white light?\N-No, but l saw a blue Prius.
Dialogue: 0,0:49:46.17,0:49:49.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you really\Nhave one of those vehicles?
Dialogue: 0,0:49:51.13,0:49:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is not a car.\NThat`s a lunchbox.
Dialogue: 0,0:49:54.93,0:49:58.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you know, when you`re\Ngoing down the highway in a Prius-
Dialogue: 0,0:49:58.65,0:50:03.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-if you put your hand out the window,\Nthe vehicle will turn?
Dialogue: 0,0:50:03.77,0:50:06.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You did this for a bunch of virgins?\N-Are you kidding me?
Dialogue: 0,0:50:06.89,0:50:10.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`d kill you for a Klondike bar.
Dialogue: 0,0:50:12.05,0:50:15.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So, l guess you are Muslim?\N-l don`t think so, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:50:15.37,0:50:20.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at my ass. ``Made in China``.
Dialogue: 0,0:50:20.29,0:50:25.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Walter says l`m just a\Nstinking Halloween decoration.
Dialogue: 0,0:50:28.49,0:50:32.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Do you like being in D.C.?\N-l think some idiots must live here.
Dialogue: 0,0:50:32.29,0:50:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why?\N-The Washington Monument.
Dialogue: 0,0:50:35.45,0:50:40.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes?\N-lt looks nothing like the guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:50:40.77,0:50:45.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt looks more like\Na tribute to Bill Clinton.
Dialogue: 0,0:50:52.17,0:50:54.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What do you think of Bush?\N-Oh, l love bush.
Dialogue: 0,0:50:54.61,0:50:57.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, you mean\Nthe President. l`m sorry!
Dialogue: 0,0:50:57.61,0:51:01.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`s Achmed,\Nthe Dead Terrorist! There we go.
Dialogue: 0,0:51:08.57,0:51:13.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you. There`s never been\Na bettertime than right now-
Dialogue: 0,0:51:13.29,0:51:15.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-to introduce\Na brand new superhero.
Dialogue: 0,0:51:15.53,0:51:17.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have that very thing this evening.
Dialogue: 0,0:51:17.69,0:51:20.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He`s big. He`s powerful.\NPlease help me welcome-
Dialogue: 0,0:51:20.41,0:51:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-the superhero...Melvin.
Dialogue: 0,0:51:32.41,0:51:36.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,H...h... Hi!
Dialogue: 0,0:51:36.57,0:51:38.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Good to see you, Melvin.\N-Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:51:38.73,0:51:42.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s nice being here\Nin our nation`s capital.
Dialogue: 0,0:51:42.81,0:51:46.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you`re a superhero. What is\Nyour most outstanding feature?
Dialogue: 0,0:51:49.57,0:51:52.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My costume.
Dialogue: 0,0:51:52.49,0:51:54.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-lt`s a very nice costume.\N-Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:51:55.13,0:51:58.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What does the `D` stand for?\N-Oh, that`s my theme song.
Dialogue: 0,0:51:58.65,0:52:04.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What`s your theme song?\N-Da da-da daa!
Dialogue: 0,0:52:04.21,0:52:08.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Where did you get the costume?\N-That is a superhero secret!
Dialogue: 0,0:52:09.13,0:52:11.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-EBay?\N-Dammit!
Dialogue: 0,0:52:12.09,0:52:16.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How did you deduce that?\N-A tag on the back says EBay.
Dialogue: 0,0:52:16.45,0:52:19.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s as plain as the nose...\NOops, sorry.
Dialogue: 0,0:52:19.65,0:52:23.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, so you`re a superhero.\NDo you fight crime?
Dialogue: 0,0:52:23.57,0:52:26.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes, of course!\N-What kind of crime?
Dialogue: 0,0:52:26.29,0:52:28.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bad kind.
Dialogue: 0,0:52:28.85,0:52:34.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So what have you done lately?\N-Today, l was battling a terrorist.
Dialogue: 0,0:52:34.25,0:52:37.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Achmed?\N-Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:52:37.21,0:52:41.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-And what kind of battle?\N-Checkers.
Dialogue: 0,0:52:43.65,0:52:48.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every time l`d get a king,\Nhe`d blow it up.
Dialogue: 0,0:52:48.29,0:52:51.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So what did you do?\N-l issued a verbal threat.
Dialogue: 0,0:52:51.77,0:52:56.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then Walter gassed him.
Dialogue: 0,0:53:03.65,0:53:06.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Melvin, do you have any powers?\N-Yes!
Dialogue: 0,0:53:06.65,0:53:09.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Like what?\N-l can fly. Really far.
Dialogue: 0,0:53:09.97,0:53:15.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How far?\N-How far can you throw me?
Dialogue: 0,0:53:15.25,0:53:18.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Do you have other powers?\N-X-ray vision!
Dialogue: 0,0:53:18.85,0:53:21.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you see through\Nsomething practical, like clothes?
Dialogue: 0,0:53:22.17,0:53:25.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, you`re sick.
Dialogue: 0,0:53:25.49,0:53:28.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:53:28.29,0:53:31.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l love looking at boobies.
Dialogue: 0,0:53:34.81,0:53:38.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`s a beautiful pair, isn`t it?
Dialogue: 0,0:53:39.05,0:53:44.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m glad l`m wearing loose shorts.
Dialogue: 0,0:53:44.81,0:53:52.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, l forgot.\Nl can`t see through silicone.
Dialogue: 0,0:53:52.65,0:53:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What? They`re good.\NThose are super-hooters.
Dialogue: 0,0:53:57.09,0:54:01.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf she had a theme song,\Nit would be Ta ta-ta taa!
Dialogue: 0,0:54:05.93,0:54:11.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf she had a costume,\Nshe`d have two Ds on her chest.
Dialogue: 0,0:54:11.65,0:54:14.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l can look but l can`t touch.\N-Why?
Dialogue: 0,0:54:14.85,0:54:17.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m lactose intolerant.
Dialogue: 0,0:54:18.17,0:54:23.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can fly and have x-ray vision.\NThose are the same as Superman!
Dialogue: 0,0:54:23.37,0:54:28.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Can you stop a speeding bullet?\N-Once.
Dialogue: 0,0:54:31.53,0:54:36.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Shut up! lt hurts like hell.
Dialogue: 0,0:54:36.25,0:54:38.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you leap\Ntall buildings in a single bound?
Dialogue: 0,0:54:38.93,0:54:43.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why the hell would l do that?\NThere`s not a lot of call for that.
Dialogue: 0,0:54:43.81,0:54:47.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Superman does that.\N-Show-off.
Dialogue: 0,0:54:47.57,0:54:51.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He could avoid all the fuss and\Njust walk around the effing thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:54:53.09,0:54:57.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l can`t curse.\Nl think the President should.
Dialogue: 0,0:54:57.61,0:55:00.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-The President?\N-Yeah. Think about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:55:00.73,0:55:07.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We had the A-bomb, the H-bomb.\Nlt`s time for him to drop the F-bomb.
Dialogue: 0,0:55:15.37,0:55:19.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He could go,\N``Hey, terrorists! F you!``
Dialogue: 0,0:55:19.45,0:55:22.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, like Superman, do you\Nchange clothes in a phone booth?
Dialogue: 0,0:55:23.09,0:55:25.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What?
Dialogue: 0,0:55:25.45,0:55:29.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Superman does that too.\N-He`s got issues, doesn`t he?
Dialogue: 0,0:55:29.81,0:55:32.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My wife met Lois Lane once.
Dialogue: 0,0:55:32.77,0:55:37.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said she acted\Nlike an H-O-R-E.
Dialogue: 0,0:55:37.33,0:55:39.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You mean a W-H-O-R-E.
Dialogue: 0,0:55:40.13,0:55:46.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What`s a `w-hore`?\Nls that like a Klingon?
Dialogue: 0,0:55:47.01,0:55:49.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you`re married.\NDoes your wife have any powers?
Dialogue: 0,0:55:49.89,0:55:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yes.\N-Like what?
Dialogue: 0,0:55:51.97,0:55:55.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once a month...
Dialogue: 0,0:55:57.29,0:56:00.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She becomes evil.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:00.61,0:56:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And l cannot defeat her.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:03.85,0:56:09.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our children run in terror.\NOur big dog cowers underthe couch.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:09.37,0:56:13.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You have a big dog?\N-Actually, l borrowed your Chihuahua.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:14.13,0:56:19.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Superman has a dog, Krypto. He has\Nall the same powers as Superman.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:19.49,0:56:22.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`s ridiculous.\Nlf Krypto sniffs your crotch-
Dialogue: 0,0:56:23.01,0:56:26.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-he`ll suck your lungs out your ass.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:28.61,0:56:33.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf he humps your leg,\Nyou`ll be in traction for a year.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:33.25,0:56:39.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Do you have an arch enemy?\N-Pinocchio.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:39.65,0:56:42.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Do you have a weakness?\N-Cupcakes.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:42.85,0:56:46.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And porn.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:46.89,0:56:50.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What? Not at the same time.
Dialogue: 0,0:56:51.05,0:56:55.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l need a free hand.
Dialogue: 0,0:57:01.33,0:57:04.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, when there`s a problem,\Nhow are you summoned?
Dialogue: 0,0:57:04.53,0:57:08.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m making a deal with\Nthe Commissioner to light up the sky-
Dialogue: 0,0:57:08.25,0:57:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-with a spotlight of my symbol.
Dialogue: 0,0:57:10.93,0:57:15.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What`s your symbol?\N-A big nose in the sky.
Dialogue: 0,0:57:15.21,0:57:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Trouble is, sometimes it\Ndoesn`t exactly look like a nose.
Dialogue: 0,0:57:27.01,0:57:31.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s not a cupcake, either.
Dialogue: 0,0:57:31.37,0:57:34.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Da da-da daa!
Dialogue: 0,0:57:34.53,0:57:36.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you friends\Nwith other superheroes?
Dialogue: 0,0:57:36.69,0:57:38.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Some of them.\N-How about Aquaman?
Dialogue: 0,0:57:39.13,0:57:42.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l like Aquaman, he can\Nbreathe underwater and talk to fish.
Dialogue: 0,0:57:42.65,0:57:47.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, great. He has all\Nthe same powers as SpongeBob.
Dialogue: 0,0:57:49.05,0:57:51.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How about the Hulk?\N-Why do you like the Hulk?
Dialogue: 0,0:57:51.49,0:57:53.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The angrier he gets,\Nthe stronger he gets.
Dialogue: 0,0:57:53.89,0:57:58.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, like\Nevery white trash guy on Cops .
Dialogue: 0,0:58:02.97,0:58:06.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l like the Flash.\N-He has no powers!
Dialogue: 0,0:58:07.01,0:58:10.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He`s on meth.
Dialogue: 0,0:58:10.25,0:58:13.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Catwoman?\N-l used to date Catwoman.
Dialogue: 0,0:58:14.05,0:58:19.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She gave me something\Nl had to take medicine to get rid of.
Dialogue: 0,0:58:19.89,0:58:22.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And boy, does it itch.
Dialogue: 0,0:58:23.09,0:58:26.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now it burns when l fly.
Dialogue: 0,0:58:26.69,0:58:30.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Da da-da daa...
Dialogue: 0,0:58:45.77,0:58:49.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Son of a bitch!
Dialogue: 0,0:58:49.49,0:58:52.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s the terrorists, l tell you.
Dialogue: 0,0:58:56.53,0:59:00.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l look like Lex Luthor.
Dialogue: 0,0:59:00.29,0:59:05.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Can you put it back?\N-Sure. Here we go.
Dialogue: 0,0:59:05.45,0:59:09.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How`s that?\N-Da da-da daa.
Dialogue: 0,0:59:17.49,0:59:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That kinda sucked.
Dialogue: 0,0:59:20.73,0:59:25.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Do superheroes date each other?\N-We date mortals sometimes, too.
Dialogue: 0,0:59:25.53,0:59:29.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you know that Superman\Nwas dating Rosie O`Donnell?
Dialogue: 0,0:59:30.17,0:59:32.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l did not know that.\N-He had to quit.
Dialogue: 0,0:59:32.37,0:59:35.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because she got too big.
Dialogue: 0,0:59:35.69,0:59:40.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He took her on one flight\Nand threw out his back.
Dialogue: 0,0:59:40.33,0:59:44.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Embarrassing when you`re\Nflying a girl around Metropolis-
Dialogue: 0,0:59:44.21,0:59:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-and yourfeet\Nare still dragging the sidewalk.
Dialogue: 0,0:59:52.49,0:59:55.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Da da-da daa.
Dialogue: 0,0:59:55.93,1:00:00.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This looks like a job for Slim-Fast!
Dialogue: 0,1:00:03.29,1:00:06.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-One last guy, how about Batman?\N-Oh.
Dialogue: 0,1:00:06.33,1:00:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A grown man in a rubber suit,\Nrunning around with a young boy?
Dialogue: 0,1:00:10.93,1:00:16.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l don`t have to have x-ray vision to\Nsee what the hell`s going on there.
Dialogue: 0,1:00:16.21,1:00:20.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l wondered about these superheroes\Nand their young men sidekicks.
Dialogue: 0,1:00:24.65,1:00:29.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have five men in a suitcase.
Dialogue: 0,1:00:29.61,1:00:33.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one of them`s on a stick.
Dialogue: 0,1:00:42.37,1:00:46.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who is sliding down\Nthe proverbial Batpole now?
Dialogue: 0,1:00:46.77,1:00:51.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf you had a theme song,\Nit would be La la-la laa.
Dialogue: 0,1:00:52.05,1:00:57.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You know, l have a wife and kids.\N-So does Tom Cruise!
Dialogue: 0,1:00:59.01,1:01:02.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that`s Melvin the Superhero.\NThere we go.
Dialogue: 0,1:01:07.53,1:01:09.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,1:01:15.17,1:01:18.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you so much.
Dialogue: 0,1:01:18.25,1:01:22.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lf you`ve seen my show before,\Nyou`ll recognize this next guy.
Dialogue: 0,1:01:22.37,1:01:25.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Please help me welcome\Nmy buddy, Peanut.
Dialogue: 0,1:01:36.09,1:01:38.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How you doing, Peanut?\N-Pretty good, how are you?
Dialogue: 0,1:01:38.65,1:01:42.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l`m fine.\N-That`s good, that`s gooooooood.
Dialogue: 0,1:01:43.89,1:01:48.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-So, you like it here?\N-Oh, l love being in D.C.
Dialogue: 0,1:01:48.29,1:01:53.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,D.C! lt`s great. And l love this\Ntheater, the Warner Theater.
Dialogue: 0,1:01:54.01,1:01:56.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s fantastic.\NAnd they`ve got a cool website.
Dialogue: 0,1:01:56.93,1:01:59.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a link to our website\Nwhich is jeffdunham.com.
Dialogue: 0,1:02:00.13,1:02:02.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-The thing that...\N-Peanut, stop...
Dialogue: 0,1:02:03.01,1:02:06.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What?
Dialogue: 0,1:02:06.41,1:02:11.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The hell is wrong with you?\NWe cannot talk at the same time!
Dialogue: 0,1:02:18.85,1:02:22.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l talk, you talk.\Nl talk, you talk, that`s it!
Dialogue: 0,1:02:22.33,1:02:26.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Focus.
Dialogue: 0,1:02:29.73,1:02:32.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l am so sick of this crap.
Dialogue: 0,1:02:33.01,1:02:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l have tried going solo.\N-What happened?
Dialogue: 0,1:02:37.17,1:02:42.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l kept falling off\Nthis fricking thing.
Dialogue: 0,1:02:42.21,1:02:44.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why did you interrupt me?
Dialogue: 0,1:02:44.45,1:02:48.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You mispronounced my last name.\N-l know.
Dialogue: 0,1:02:48.25,1:02:52.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-lt`s Dunham.\N-Not when you look at it. Dun-Ham.
Dialogue: 0,1:02:52.49,1:02:55.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Haaaaaam.
Dialogue: 0,1:02:55.45,1:02:59.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You`re the other white meat.
Dialogue: 0,1:03:02.37,1:03:04.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don`t confuse everyone. lt`s Dunham.
Dialogue: 0,1:03:04.85,1:03:07.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt says Dun-ham ham ham ham.
Dialogue: 0,1:03:15.69,1:03:20.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jeff Dun Ham. Dot Com.
Dialogue: 0,1:03:20.89,1:03:25.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jeff Dun Ham. Dot Com.
Dialogue: 0,1:03:29.85,1:03:35.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you think about it for\N30 seconds, it`s Jefa Fa Dun Ham.
Dialogue: 0,1:03:36.33,1:03:38.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dot Com.
Dialogue: 0,1:03:38.53,1:03:42.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jefa Fa.\NYou`re using an unneeded `F`.
Dialogue: 0,1:03:42.69,1:03:47.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jefa Fa. Dun Ham.
Dialogue: 0,1:03:48.01,1:03:50.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dot Com.
Dialogue: 0,1:03:54.49,1:03:58.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Am l pissing you ofa fa?
Dialogue: 0,1:04:08.29,1:04:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jefa Fa?
Dialogue: 0,1:04:10.93,1:04:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dun Ham. Dot Com.
Dialogue: 0,1:04:15.61,1:04:20.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The weird part is,\Nl am actually pissing him off.
Dialogue: 0,1:04:21.13,1:04:24.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he would like to kill me.\NBut he will not-
Dialogue: 0,1:04:25.13,1:04:29.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-because that would be\Na form of suicide.
Dialogue: 0,1:04:30.61,1:04:32.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You want to kill me.\N-No, l don`t.
Dialogue: 0,1:04:32.85,1:04:38.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, yes, yes.\NSearch yourfeelings, Jefa Fa.
Dialogue: 0,1:04:42.61,1:04:46.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dun Ham. Dot Com.
Dialogue: 0,1:04:57.33,1:05:01.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?\N-Dude, you need a Tic-Tac.
Dialogue: 0,1:05:06.73,1:05:11.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what your breath\Nsmells like? Done ham.
Dialogue: 0,1:05:12.93,1:05:14.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dot Com.
Dialogue: 0,1:05:18.85,1:05:21.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the hell was that?
Dialogue: 0,1:05:21.45,1:05:23.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?\N-What did you just do?
Dialogue: 0,1:05:23.85,1:05:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l didn`t do anything.\N-You picked your nose.
Dialogue: 0,1:05:27.65,1:05:33.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you see that?\N- Oh my God.
Dialogue: 0,1:05:33.29,1:05:38.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You fricking picked...your nose!
Dialogue: 0,1:05:52.29,1:05:56.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?\N-You didn`t do a very good job!
Dialogue: 0,1:06:05.65,1:06:08.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-There`s still something there.\N-Cut it out!
Dialogue: 0,1:06:08.89,1:06:11.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You gotta get it. lt`s wiggling.\N-Stop it!
Dialogue: 0,1:06:12.13,1:06:17.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh wait! You`re a ventriloquist.\NMake it talk.
Dialogue: 0,1:06:21.25,1:06:26.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`d be funny as hell!\NOnly give it a French accent.
Dialogue: 0,1:06:26.77,1:06:32.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Bonjour! l would like to\Ncome out of your nose!``
Dialogue: 0,1:06:36.33,1:06:38.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stop it.
Dialogue: 0,1:06:53.93,1:06:56.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Holy crap, you`re quick.
Dialogue: 0,1:06:56.85,1:07:01.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lt`s like you know.
Dialogue: 0,1:07:18.25,1:07:21.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You do that now, you just go...
Dialogue: 0,1:07:21.25,1:07:26.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-That`s always been yourthing.\N-You do it. Short one, long one.
Dialogue: 0,1:07:26.81,1:07:29.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do it!
Dialogue: 0,1:07:35.97,1:07:38.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do it.
Dialogue: 0,1:07:42.57,1:07:48.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the hell was that? You\Nsound like some anemic French guy.
Dialogue: 0,1:07:52.13,1:07:54.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,German: jawohl !
Dialogue: 0,1:07:54.89,1:07:58.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chinese:
Dialogue: 0,1:07:58.37,1:08:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gay guy:
Dialogue: 0,1:08:07.65,1:08:12.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, oh! Wait, wait.\NA guy driving a blue Prius:
Dialogue: 0,1:08:21.49,1:08:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what\Nwould be funny as hell?
Dialogue: 0,1:08:24.17,1:08:30.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When this gets on Comedy Central,\Nif the show is sponsored by Toyota.
Dialogue: 0,1:08:34.45,1:08:37.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they have no idea.
Dialogue: 0,1:08:38.05,1:08:42.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One night\Nthey`re watching this like, ``Hey!``
Dialogue: 0,1:08:42.17,1:08:46.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``He making fun of our cars!``
Dialogue: 0,1:08:51.85,1:08:55.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``He say our car is gay.``
Dialogue: 0,1:08:55.21,1:08:58.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``lt not gay, he gay.``
Dialogue: 0,1:08:58.49,1:09:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Let`s get Godzilla to kill him.``
Dialogue: 0,1:09:12.53,1:09:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-lt`s a tiny little car, isn`t it?\N-lt`s small.
Dialogue: 0,1:09:15.61,1:09:21.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l bet to get in and out,\Nyou gotta use a lot of lotion.
Dialogue: 0,1:09:35.85,1:09:40.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-That`s not funny.\N-They are laughing like hell.
Dialogue: 0,1:09:42.29,1:09:45.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Does your wife drive that car?\N-The Prius? Oh, sure.
Dialogue: 0,1:09:45.25,1:09:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Good. How`s she doing?\N-My wife? She`s fine.
Dialogue: 0,1:09:48.17,1:09:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, good. How`s the family?\N-They`re fine.
Dialogue: 0,1:09:50.97,1:09:55.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Oh, good! l was just wondering.\N-Thanks a lot.
Dialogue: 0,1:09:55.53,1:09:57.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Everything`s fine?\N-Everything`s fine.
Dialogue: 0,1:09:57.69,1:10:02.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l just want to make sure.\NBecause l`m your pal.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:03.01,1:10:06.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Thank you.\N-So l`m concerned.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:06.89,1:10:11.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-About what?\N-l was just thinking the other day.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:11.77,1:10:17.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We`re on the road a lot.\NYou`re away from home a lot.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:17.81,1:10:22.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And your wife`s at home alone. A lot.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:22.21,1:10:26.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Okay?\N-Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:26.25,1:10:30.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-She`s not exactly bad-looking.\N-No.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:30.21,1:10:32.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She`s hot.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:34.29,1:10:38.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And her prime is now.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:38.53,1:10:43.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yours was 20 years ago.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:48.97,1:10:52.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she`s home. Alone.
Dialogue: 0,1:10:52.93,1:10:55.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you sure?
Dialogue: 0,1:10:55.81,1:10:59.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Yeah.\N-How do you know?
Dialogue: 0,1:11:00.09,1:11:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l trust her.
Dialogue: 0,1:11:05.89,1:11:08.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if she`s been\Nwith someone else?
Dialogue: 0,1:11:08.93,1:11:11.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like...me!
Dialogue: 0,1:11:12.09,1:11:15.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, come on.\NYou go purple, you never go back!
Dialogue: 0,1:11:21.25,1:11:24.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l really don`t think my wife\Nhas slept with you, Peanut.
Dialogue: 0,1:11:24.29,1:11:28.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, think about this for a second.\Nln a twisted kind of way-
Dialogue: 0,1:11:28.85,1:11:33.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-all five of us on stage\Nhave slept with your wife.
Dialogue: 0,1:11:35.81,1:11:38.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you`re wacky and\Nhaving a great time, that`s me!
Dialogue: 0,1:11:38.93,1:11:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you`re pissed off,\Nlying there thinking-
Dialogue: 0,1:11:41.41,1:11:46.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-``why did l marry this broad?``,\Nthat`s Walter.
Dialogue: 0,1:11:46.53,1:11:51.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you`re so angry\Nyou want to kill her, that`s Achmed.
Dialogue: 0,1:11:51.29,1:11:54.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what is Jose Jalapeno on a Stick?
Dialogue: 0,1:11:54.65,1:11:58.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You`re a sick man!
Dialogue: 0,1:11:58.33,1:12:02.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And here he is,\NJose Jalapeno on a Stick!
Dialogue: 0,1:12:11.41,1:12:16.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Good evening, Jose.\N-Hola, Senor Heff.
Dialogue: 0,1:12:16.37,1:12:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-lt`s good to see you.\N-Gracias, Senor Heff.
Dialogue: 0,1:12:20.33,1:12:23.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Excuse me! Who the hell is `Heff`?\N-That`s Jeff.
Dialogue: 0,1:12:23.69,1:12:26.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-No, he said `Heff`.\N-lt`s the same thing.
Dialogue: 0,1:12:26.45,1:12:28.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it`s not.
Dialogue: 0,1:12:28.97,1:12:31.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Jose, what did you say?\N-l say Senor Heff.
Dialogue: 0,1:12:31.93,1:12:34.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the f...Now he said `Cheff`.
Dialogue: 0,1:12:34.97,1:12:39.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-lt`s all the same.\N-Didn`t you watch Sesame Street?
Dialogue: 0,1:12:39.81,1:12:43.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jeff is Jeff, Heff is Heff\Nand Cheff is Cheff.
Dialogue: 0,1:12:44.01,1:12:48.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of these things\Njust doesnt belong here!
Dialogue: 0,1:12:55.65,1:13:00.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tonight`s show is\Nsponsored by the sound chhhhhh.
Dialogue: 0,1:13:00.45,1:13:04.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l`m sorry, Jose.\N-ls okay. He`s an idiot.
Dialogue: 0,1:13:05.17,1:13:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You`re on a stick.\NStica ka. Jefa fa.
Dialogue: 0,1:13:14.81,1:13:18.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l have a question for Josie.
Dialogue: 0,1:13:26.25,1:13:28.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Jose.
Dialogue: 0,1:13:28.85,1:13:35.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, l`m sorry, l thought we were in\NAmerica, speaking fricking English.
Dialogue: 0,1:13:35.21,1:13:39.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But l didn`t see\Nthe little...overthe `e`.
Dialogue: 0,1:13:39.49,1:13:43.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which magically\Nchanges Josie into fricking Jose.
Dialogue: 0,1:13:44.05,1:13:46.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And l didn`t see the...over the `n`-
Dialogue: 0,1:13:46.89,1:13:50.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-which changes\Njalapeno into jalapeno.
Dialogue: 0,1:13:51.13,1:13:53.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So a...overthe `n`\Nand a...over the `e`.
Dialogue: 0,1:13:53.49,1:13:59.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two keys l can never\Nfricking find on a fricking keyboard.
Dialogue: 0,1:14:02.89,1:14:06.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Apparently it`s a secret\Nknown only to the Mexicans.
Dialogue: 0,1:14:06.93,1:14:11.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, Jose, when you`re typing...\NOh! l`m sorry.
Dialogue: 0,1:14:17.41,1:14:21.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Talk about `hunt and peck`.
Dialogue: 0,1:14:22.05,1:14:27.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-l`m sorry, Jose.\N-ls OK. l`ll hire Achmed to kill him.
Dialogue: 0,1:14:27.81,1:14:30.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what`s your question?\NAnd be nice.
Dialogue: 0,1:14:30.97,1:14:35.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You`re a jalapeno.\N- Si, senor. On a stick.
Dialogue: 0,1:14:35.81,1:14:40.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-You`re a Mexican jalapeno.\N-On a stick.
Dialogue: 0,1:14:40.21,1:14:43.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you a legal Mexican jalapeno?
Dialogue: 0,1:14:45.69,1:14:49.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What? What did l say?\N-This is not the appropriate time.
Dialogue: 0,1:14:49.61,1:14:55.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Too late! So, Jose, are you legal?\NAre you legal, legal, legal, lega...?
Dialogue: 0,1:14:57.77,1:15:00.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What?\N-l know the answer to the question.
Dialogue: 0,1:15:00.65,1:15:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jose? Are you legal\Nto be in this country?
Dialogue: 0,1:15:02.81,1:15:05.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Si, senor.\Nl have my green card.
Dialogue: 0,1:15:06.13,1:15:11.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Where is your green card?\N-lt`s in my other stick.
Dialogue: 0,1:15:14.77,1:15:18.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Did you know he had another stick?\N-l had no idea.
Dialogue: 0,1:15:19.13,1:15:25.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what that means?\NThat means that one comes out!
Dialogue: 0,1:15:37.97,1:15:43.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my God! l thought\Nit was just stuck up his ass.
Dialogue: 0,1:15:43.85,1:15:47.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What`s wrong?\N-He doesn`t have an ass.
Dialogue: 0,1:15:47.29,1:15:49.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-lt`s just a jalapeno.\N-On a stick.
Dialogue: 0,1:15:49.45,1:15:51.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l know!
Dialogue: 0,1:15:51.89,1:15:54.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-How did he get on the stick?\N-l don`t know.
Dialogue: 0,1:15:54.49,1:15:57.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Probably a horrible pogo accident.
Dialogue: 0,1:15:57.81,1:16:01.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know...doink doink.
Dialogue: 0,1:16:03.37,1:16:06.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ole!
Dialogue: 0,1:16:12.65,1:16:16.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jose, immigration is a\Nbig topic in the country right now.
Dialogue: 0,1:16:16.25,1:16:19.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you mind\Nif l ask a few questions?
Dialogue: 0,1:16:19.93,1:16:23.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are more National Guard on\Nthe border between USA and Mexico.
Dialogue: 0,1:16:23.85,1:16:25.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Does this concern you?\N-No, senor.
Dialogue: 0,1:16:26.01,1:16:30.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why not?\N-He`s already here!
Dialogue: 0,1:16:33.53,1:16:37.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You really are an idiot!
Dialogue: 0,1:16:37.25,1:16:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jose, are you here on a\Ntemporary visa, or on a work visa?
Dialogue: 0,1:16:41.65,1:16:45.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He`s here on a stick.
Dialogue: 0,1:16:48.01,1:16:52.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Do you enjoy being in this country?\N-Sometimes l`m afraid for my life.
Dialogue: 0,1:16:52.37,1:16:55.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why?\N-Taco Bell.
Dialogue: 0,1:17:03.29,1:17:06.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Jose, do you have a new girlfriend?\N- Si, senor.
Dialogue: 0,1:17:06.53,1:17:10.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-What, a fricking pickle on a pencil?\N-Stop it!
Dialogue: 0,1:17:13.69,1:17:15.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Peanut, are you prejudiced?\N-No!
Dialogue: 0,1:17:16.13,1:17:21.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A bunch of\Nmy best friends are on sticks.
Dialogue: 0,1:17:21.49,1:17:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Peanut, l meant are you\Nprejudiced towards Mexicans?
Dialogue: 0,1:17:24.17,1:17:28.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No. My mother`s Mexican.
Dialogue: 0,1:17:30.81,1:17:34.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, l meant New Mexican.
Dialogue: 0,1:17:34.25,1:17:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She`s like Jose, just...fresher.
Dialogue: 0,1:17:38.17,1:17:41.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Jose, you speak English very well.\N-Gracias, senor.
Dialogue: 0,1:17:41.85,1:17:45.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What were some of the first phrases\Nin English that you learned?
Dialogue: 0,1:17:45.45,1:17:49.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Will you help me push my car?``
Dialogue: 0,1:18:01.53,1:18:05.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-``Does this lD look real?``\N-Will you s...
Dialogue: 0,1:18:05.57,1:18:10.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-``Where`s the nearest Home Depot?``\N-Stop it!
Dialogue: 0,1:18:10.33,1:18:14.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually, the last one was true.
Dialogue: 0,1:18:15.09,1:18:18.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,l`m sorry about this, Jose.\Nl`m happy to have you in the act.
Dialogue: 0,1:18:18.65,1:18:20.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Gracias, senor.\N-Just make sure he`s legal.
Dialogue: 0,1:18:20.93,1:18:25.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-He`s legal. Why are you concerned?\N-Are you not concerned?
Dialogue: 0,1:18:25.41,1:18:29.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why should l be concerned?\N-He works for you!
Dialogue: 0,1:18:29.85,1:18:34.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of those laws pass and he`s not\Nlegal, it`s your ass thrown in jail.
Dialogue: 0,1:18:34.49,1:18:37.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And trust me,\Nyou would not do well in prison.
Dialogue: 0,1:18:37.89,1:18:42.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Why not?\N-``Come here, puppet boy!``
Dialogue: 0,1:18:49.45,1:18:53.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,``Make your daddy talk.``
Dialogue: 0,1:18:53.41,1:18:57.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That`s nice. So you`re pretty sure\Nl`d soon become someone`s...
Dialogue: 0,1:18:57.69,1:18:59.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-Bitch.\N-Right.
Dialogue: 0,1:19:00.05,1:19:02.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On a stick.
Dialogue: 0,1:19:02.37,1:19:08.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You guys have been an awesome\Naudience. Thank you. Good night.
Dialogue: 0,1:19:09.09,1:19:13.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Subtitle: D K Vaught\NPrimeText lnternational