WEBVTT

00:00:00.547 --> 00:00:04.263
This room may appear
to be holding 600 people,

00:00:04.287 --> 00:00:06.205
but there's actually so many more,

00:00:06.229 --> 00:00:11.451
because within each one of us,
there is a multitude of personalities.

00:00:11.475 --> 00:00:13.976
I have two primary personalities

00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:16.903
that have been in conflict
and conversation within me

00:00:16.927 --> 00:00:18.452
since I was a little girl.

00:00:18.476 --> 00:00:21.915
I call them "the mystic"
and "the warrior."

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:22.390 --> 00:00:28.203
I was born into a family of politically
active intellectual atheists.

00:00:28.227 --> 00:00:31.421
There was this equation in my family
that went something like this:

00:00:31.445 --> 00:00:33.572
if you are intelligent,

00:00:33.596 --> 00:00:35.806
you therefore are not spiritual.

00:00:36.282 --> 00:00:38.576
I was the freak of the family.

00:00:38.600 --> 00:00:40.576
I was this weird little kid

00:00:40.600 --> 00:00:45.269
who wanted to have deep talks
about the worlds that might exist

00:00:45.293 --> 00:00:48.713
beyond the ones we perceive
with our senses.

00:00:48.737 --> 00:00:49.897
I wanted to know

00:00:49.921 --> 00:00:55.073
if what we human beings see
and hear and think

00:00:55.097 --> 00:00:59.200
is a full and accurate picture of reality.

00:00:59.224 --> 00:01:00.971
So, looking for answers,

00:01:00.995 --> 00:01:05.048
I went to Catholic mass;
I tagged along with my neighbors.

00:01:05.072 --> 00:01:07.839
I read Sartre and Socrates.

00:01:07.863 --> 00:01:11.345
And then a wonderful thing happened
when I was in high school:

00:01:11.369 --> 00:01:16.096
gurus from the East started washing up
on the shores of America.

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:16.120 --> 00:01:17.143
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:17.167 --> 00:01:19.660
And I said to myself,
"I wanna get me one of them."

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:19.684 --> 00:01:20.950
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:20.974 --> 00:01:25.332
And ever since, I've been walking
the mystic path,

00:01:25.356 --> 00:01:29.700
trying to peer beyond
what Albert Einstein called

00:01:29.724 --> 00:01:34.422
the "optical delusion"
of everyday consciousness.

00:01:34.446 --> 00:01:35.935
So what did he mean by this?

00:01:35.959 --> 00:01:37.117
I'll show you.

00:01:37.141 --> 00:01:41.501
Take a breath right now
of this clear air in this room.

00:01:43.362 --> 00:01:46.250
Now, see this strange,

00:01:46.274 --> 00:01:51.457
underwater-coral-reef-looking thing?

00:01:51.481 --> 00:01:54.651
It's actually a person's trachea.

00:01:54.675 --> 00:01:58.011
And those colored globs are microbes

00:01:58.035 --> 00:02:01.160
that are actually swimming around
in this room right now,

00:02:01.184 --> 00:02:02.599
all around us.

00:02:03.099 --> 00:02:06.709
If we're blind to this simple biology,

00:02:06.733 --> 00:02:12.787
imagine what we're missing
at the smallest subatomic level right now

00:02:12.811 --> 00:02:15.636
and at the grandest cosmic levels.

00:02:15.660 --> 00:02:22.050
My years as a mystic have made me question
almost all my assumptions.

00:02:22.074 --> 00:02:25.353
They've made me a proud
"I-don't-know-it-all."

NOTE Paragraph

00:02:26.084 --> 00:02:30.467
Now, when the mystic part of me
jabbers on and on like this,

00:02:30.491 --> 00:02:33.340
the warrior rolls her eyes.

00:02:33.364 --> 00:02:39.607
She's concerned about what's happening
in this world right now.

00:02:40.004 --> 00:02:42.369
She's worried.

00:02:42.393 --> 00:02:45.370
She says, "Excuse me, I'm pissed off,

00:02:45.394 --> 00:02:47.135
and I know a few things,

00:02:47.159 --> 00:02:49.647
and we better get busy
about them right now."

00:02:49.671 --> 00:02:51.576
I've spent my life as a warrior,

00:02:51.600 --> 00:02:53.782
working for women's issues,

00:02:53.806 --> 00:02:56.147
working on political campaigns,

00:02:56.171 --> 00:02:59.420
being an activist for the environment.

00:02:59.923 --> 00:03:02.567
And it can be sort of crazymaking,

00:03:02.591 --> 00:03:06.614
housing both the mystic
and the warrior in one body.

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:06.638 --> 00:03:11.107
I've always been attracted
to those rare people

00:03:11.131 --> 00:03:12.420
who pull that off,

00:03:12.444 --> 00:03:15.478
who devote their lives to humanity

00:03:15.502 --> 00:03:20.875
with the grit of the warrior
and the grace of the mystic --

00:03:20.899 --> 00:03:23.894
people like Martin Luther King, Jr.,

00:03:23.918 --> 00:03:28.038
who wrote, "I can never be
what I ought to be

00:03:28.062 --> 00:03:31.194
until you are what you ought to be."

00:03:31.218 --> 00:03:35.864
"This," he wrote, "is the interrelated
structure of reality."

00:03:36.361 --> 00:03:40.804
Then Mother Teresa,
another mystic warrior, who said,

00:03:40.828 --> 00:03:45.123
"The problem with the world
is that we draw the circle of our family

00:03:45.147 --> 00:03:46.650
too small."

00:03:47.361 --> 00:03:52.901
And Nelson Mandela, who lives
by the African concept of "ubuntu,"

00:03:52.925 --> 00:03:57.093
which means "I need you in order to be me,

00:03:57.117 --> 00:04:00.692
and you need me in order to be you."

00:04:00.716 --> 00:04:05.500
Now, we all love to trot out
these three mystic warriors

00:04:05.524 --> 00:04:08.088
as if they were born with a "saint" gene.

00:04:08.112 --> 00:04:12.623
But we all actually have
the same capacity that they do.

00:04:13.298 --> 00:04:17.491
And we need to do their work now.

NOTE Paragraph

00:04:17.515 --> 00:04:19.252
I'm deeply disturbed

00:04:19.276 --> 00:04:25.626
by the ways in which all of our cultures
are demonizing "the other,"

00:04:25.650 --> 00:04:30.000
by the voice we're giving
to the most divisive among us.

00:04:30.024 --> 00:04:34.118
Listen to these titles
of some of the best-selling books

00:04:34.142 --> 00:04:36.342
from both sides of the political divide

00:04:36.366 --> 00:04:38.023
here in the US:

00:04:38.047 --> 00:04:41.491
"Liberalism is a Mental Disorder,"

00:04:41.515 --> 00:04:44.269
"Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot,"

00:04:44.293 --> 00:04:47.223
"Pinheads and Patriots,"

00:04:47.247 --> 00:04:48.817
"Arguing with Idiots."

00:04:48.841 --> 00:04:51.281
They're supposedly tongue-in-cheek,

00:04:51.305 --> 00:04:54.082
but they're actually dangerous.

00:04:54.106 --> 00:04:56.209
Now here's a title
that may sound familiar,

00:04:56.233 --> 00:04:58.500
but whose author may surprise you:

00:04:59.298 --> 00:05:02.258
"Four and a Half Years
of Struggle Against Lies,

00:05:02.282 --> 00:05:05.299
Stupidity and Cowardice."

00:05:05.323 --> 00:05:06.697
Who wrote that?

00:05:06.721 --> 00:05:11.815
That was Adolf Hitler's first title
for "Mein Kampf" -- "My Struggle" --

00:05:11.839 --> 00:05:14.537
the book that launched the Nazi Party.

00:05:15.393 --> 00:05:17.576
The worst eras in human history,

00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:21.316
whether in Cambodia
or Germany or Rwanda --

00:05:21.340 --> 00:05:24.936
they start like this,
with negative otherizing.

00:05:24.960 --> 00:05:28.592
And then they morph
into violent extremism.

NOTE Paragraph

00:05:29.164 --> 00:05:32.369
This is why I'm launching
a new initiative.

00:05:32.393 --> 00:05:36.754
And it's to help all of us,
myself included,

00:05:36.778 --> 00:05:40.884
to counteract the tendency to otherize.

00:05:41.600 --> 00:05:43.955
And I realize we're all busy people,

00:05:43.979 --> 00:05:47.177
so don't worry, you can do this
on a lunch break.

00:05:47.201 --> 00:05:52.123
I'm calling my initiative
"Take the Other to Lunch."

00:05:52.147 --> 00:05:56.100
If you are a Republican,

00:05:56.997 --> 00:05:59.445
you can take a Democrat to lunch.

00:05:59.469 --> 00:06:02.517
Or if you're a Democrat,

00:06:02.541 --> 00:06:06.416
think of it as taking
a Republican to lunch.

00:06:06.440 --> 00:06:09.294
Now, if the idea of taking
any of these people to lunch

00:06:09.318 --> 00:06:11.100
makes you lose your appetite,

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:11.124 --> 00:06:12.381
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:12.405 --> 00:06:14.977
I suggest you start more local,

00:06:15.001 --> 00:06:20.860
because there is no shortage of the other
right in your own neighborhood:

00:06:20.884 --> 00:06:25.267
maybe that person
who worships at the mosque

00:06:25.291 --> 00:06:28.417
or the church or the synagogue
down the street;

00:06:28.441 --> 00:06:33.576
or someone from the other side
of the abortion conflict;

00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:37.294
or maybe your brother-in-law
who doesn't believe in global warming --

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:37.318 --> 00:06:38.358
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:38.382 --> 00:06:42.740
anyone whose lifestyle may frighten you

00:06:42.764 --> 00:06:47.997
or whose point of view
makes smoke come out of your ears.

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:49.274 --> 00:06:51.068
A couple of weeks ago,

00:06:51.092 --> 00:06:55.600
I took a conservative
Tea Party woman to lunch.

00:06:56.155 --> 00:06:59.420
Now, on paper, she passed
my "smoking ears" test:

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:59.444 --> 00:07:00.475
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:07:00.499 --> 00:07:02.675
she's an activist from the Right,

00:07:02.699 --> 00:07:05.285
and I'm an activist from the Left.

00:07:05.996 --> 00:07:10.807
We used some guidelines
to keep our conversation elevated.

00:07:10.831 --> 00:07:12.682
And you can use them, too,

00:07:12.706 --> 00:07:15.989
because I know you're all going
to take an other to lunch.

NOTE Paragraph

00:07:16.672 --> 00:07:19.245
So first of all, decide on a goal:

00:07:19.269 --> 00:07:25.433
to get to know one person from a group
you may have negatively stereotyped.

00:07:26.472 --> 00:07:28.365
And then, before you get together,

00:07:28.389 --> 00:07:30.661
agree on some ground rules.

00:07:30.685 --> 00:07:34.983
My Tea Party lunch mate and I
came up with these:

00:07:35.816 --> 00:07:39.351
"Don't persuade, defend or interrupt;

00:07:39.375 --> 00:07:43.646
be curious, be conversational, be real;

00:07:43.670 --> 00:07:44.898
and listen."

NOTE Paragraph

00:07:45.954 --> 00:07:49.696
From there, we dove in,
and we used these questions:

00:07:49.720 --> 00:07:52.707
"Share some of your life
experiences with me --

00:07:52.731 --> 00:07:56.576
what issues deeply concern you?

00:07:56.600 --> 00:08:00.583
And what have you always wanted to ask
someone from the other side?"

00:08:01.497 --> 00:08:06.033
My lunch partner and I came away
with some really important insights,

00:08:06.057 --> 00:08:08.035
and I'm going to share just one with you.

00:08:08.059 --> 00:08:14.061
I think it has relevance to any problem
between people anywhere.

00:08:14.600 --> 00:08:20.888
I asked her why her side makes
such outrageous allegations and lies

00:08:20.912 --> 00:08:22.541
about my side.

00:08:22.565 --> 00:08:24.645
"What?" she wanted to know.

00:08:24.669 --> 00:08:30.699
"Like, we're a bunch of elitist,
morally corrupt terrorist-lovers."

00:08:30.723 --> 00:08:32.356
Well, she was shocked.

00:08:32.380 --> 00:08:37.720
She thought my side beat up
on her side way more often --

00:08:37.744 --> 00:08:42.095
that we called them brainless,
gun-toting racists.

00:08:42.659 --> 00:08:45.121
And we both marveled at the labels

00:08:45.145 --> 00:08:49.458
that fit none of the people
we actually know.

00:08:50.163 --> 00:08:52.520
And since we had established some trust,

00:08:52.544 --> 00:08:55.544
we believed in each other's sincerity.

NOTE Paragraph

00:08:56.187 --> 00:08:59.679
We agreed we'd speak up
in our own communities

00:08:59.703 --> 00:09:03.413
when we witnessed
the kind of "otherizing" talk

00:09:03.437 --> 00:09:07.722
that can wound and fester into paranoia

00:09:07.746 --> 00:09:10.411
and then be used by those on the fringes

00:09:10.435 --> 00:09:11.730
to incite.

00:09:12.745 --> 00:09:16.125
By the end of our lunch,
we acknowledged each other's openness.

00:09:16.149 --> 00:09:19.700
Neither of us had tried
to change the other,

00:09:19.724 --> 00:09:21.924
but we also hadn't pretended

00:09:21.948 --> 00:09:25.453
that our differences
were just going to melt away

00:09:25.477 --> 00:09:27.019
after a lunch.

00:09:30.701 --> 00:09:34.920
Instead, we had taken
first steps together,

00:09:34.944 --> 00:09:36.742
past our knee-jerk reactions

00:09:36.766 --> 00:09:38.511
to the ubuntu place,

00:09:38.535 --> 00:09:40.761
which is the only place

00:09:40.785 --> 00:09:46.881
where solutions to our most
intractable-seeming problems

00:09:46.905 --> 00:09:48.236
will be found.

NOTE Paragraph

00:09:48.775 --> 00:09:51.287
So who should you invite to lunch?

00:09:51.311 --> 00:09:55.125
Next time you catch yourself
in the act of otherizing,

00:09:55.149 --> 00:09:56.524
that'll be your clue.

00:09:57.274 --> 00:09:59.891
And what might happen at your lunch?

00:09:59.915 --> 00:10:01.314
Will the heavens open

00:10:01.338 --> 00:10:05.200
and "We are the World" play
over the restaurant sound system?

00:10:05.224 --> 00:10:07.366
Probably not.

00:10:07.390 --> 00:10:11.100
Because ubuntu work is slow,
and it's difficult.

00:10:11.124 --> 00:10:17.190
It's two people dropping the pretense
of being know-it-alls.

00:10:17.214 --> 00:10:22.937
It's two people, two warriors,
dropping their weapons

00:10:22.961 --> 00:10:25.294
and reaching toward each other.

00:10:26.202 --> 00:10:29.565
Here's how the great
Persian poet Rumi put it:

00:10:30.930 --> 00:10:36.415
"Out beyond ideas
of wrong-doing and right-doing,

00:10:36.439 --> 00:10:38.300
there is a field.

00:10:38.324 --> 00:10:39.807
I'll meet you there."

NOTE Paragraph

00:10:40.775 --> 00:10:47.600
(Applause)