0:00:00.547,0:00:04.263
This room may appear[br]to be holding 600 people,

0:00:04.287,0:00:06.205
but there's actually so many more,

0:00:06.229,0:00:11.451
because within each one of us,[br]there is a multitude of personalities.

0:00:11.475,0:00:13.976
I have two primary personalities

0:00:14.000,0:00:16.903
that have been in conflict[br]and conversation within me

0:00:16.927,0:00:18.452
since I was a little girl.

0:00:18.476,0:00:21.915
I call them "the mystic"[br]and "the warrior."

0:00:22.390,0:00:28.203
I was born into a family of politically[br]active intellectual atheists.

0:00:28.227,0:00:31.421
There was this equation in my family[br]that went something like this:

0:00:31.445,0:00:33.572
if you are intelligent,

0:00:33.596,0:00:35.806
you therefore are not spiritual.

0:00:36.282,0:00:38.576
I was the freak of the family.

0:00:38.600,0:00:40.576
I was this weird little kid

0:00:40.600,0:00:45.269
who wanted to have deep talks[br]about the worlds that might exist

0:00:45.293,0:00:48.713
beyond the ones we perceive[br]with our senses.

0:00:48.737,0:00:49.897
I wanted to know

0:00:49.921,0:00:55.073
if what we human beings see[br]and hear and think

0:00:55.097,0:00:59.200
is a full and accurate picture of reality.

0:00:59.224,0:01:00.971
So, looking for answers,

0:01:00.995,0:01:05.048
I went to Catholic mass;[br]I tagged along with my neighbors.

0:01:05.072,0:01:07.839
I read Sartre and Socrates.

0:01:07.863,0:01:11.345
And then a wonderful thing happened[br]when I was in high school:

0:01:11.369,0:01:16.096
gurus from the East started washing up[br]on the shores of America.

0:01:16.120,0:01:17.143
(Laughter)

0:01:17.167,0:01:19.660
And I said to myself,[br]"I wanna get me one of them."

0:01:19.684,0:01:20.950
(Laughter)

0:01:20.974,0:01:25.332
And ever since, I've been walking[br]the mystic path,

0:01:25.356,0:01:29.700
trying to peer beyond[br]what Albert Einstein called

0:01:29.724,0:01:34.422
the "optical delusion"[br]of everyday consciousness.

0:01:34.446,0:01:35.935
So what did he mean by this?

0:01:35.959,0:01:37.117
I'll show you.

0:01:37.141,0:01:41.501
Take a breath right now[br]of this clear air in this room.

0:01:43.362,0:01:46.250
Now, see this strange,

0:01:46.274,0:01:51.457
underwater-coral-reef-looking thing?

0:01:51.481,0:01:54.651
It's actually a person's trachea.

0:01:54.675,0:01:58.011
And those colored globs are microbes

0:01:58.035,0:02:01.160
that are actually swimming around[br]in this room right now,

0:02:01.184,0:02:02.599
all around us.

0:02:03.099,0:02:06.709
If we're blind to this simple biology,

0:02:06.733,0:02:12.787
imagine what we're missing[br]at the smallest subatomic level right now

0:02:12.811,0:02:15.636
and at the grandest cosmic levels.

0:02:15.660,0:02:22.050
My years as a mystic have made me question[br]almost all my assumptions.

0:02:22.074,0:02:25.353
They've made me a proud[br]"I-don't-know-it-all."

0:02:26.084,0:02:30.467
Now, when the mystic part of me[br]jabbers on and on like this,

0:02:30.491,0:02:33.340
the warrior rolls her eyes.

0:02:33.364,0:02:39.607
She's concerned about what's happening[br]in this world right now.

0:02:40.004,0:02:42.369
She's worried.

0:02:42.393,0:02:45.370
She says, "Excuse me, I'm pissed off,

0:02:45.394,0:02:47.135
and I know a few things,

0:02:47.159,0:02:49.647
and we better get busy[br]about them right now."

0:02:49.671,0:02:51.576
I've spent my life as a warrior,

0:02:51.600,0:02:53.782
working for women's issues,

0:02:53.806,0:02:56.147
working on political campaigns,

0:02:56.171,0:02:59.420
being an activist for the environment.

0:02:59.923,0:03:02.567
And it can be sort of crazymaking,

0:03:02.591,0:03:06.614
housing both the mystic[br]and the warrior in one body.

0:03:06.638,0:03:11.107
I've always been attracted[br]to those rare people

0:03:11.131,0:03:12.420
who pull that off,

0:03:12.444,0:03:15.478
who devote their lives to humanity

0:03:15.502,0:03:20.875
with the grit of the warrior[br]and the grace of the mystic --

0:03:20.899,0:03:23.894
people like Martin Luther King, Jr.,

0:03:23.918,0:03:28.038
who wrote, "I can never be[br]what I ought to be

0:03:28.062,0:03:31.194
until you are what you ought to be."

0:03:31.218,0:03:35.864
"This," he wrote, "is the interrelated[br]structure of reality."

0:03:36.361,0:03:40.804
Then Mother Teresa,[br]another mystic warrior, who said,

0:03:40.828,0:03:45.123
"The problem with the world[br]is that we draw the circle of our family

0:03:45.147,0:03:46.650
too small."

0:03:47.361,0:03:52.901
And Nelson Mandela, who lives[br]by the African concept of "ubuntu,"

0:03:52.925,0:03:57.093
which means "I need you in order to be me,

0:03:57.117,0:04:00.692
and you need me in order to be you."

0:04:00.716,0:04:05.500
Now, we all love to trot out[br]these three mystic warriors

0:04:05.524,0:04:08.088
as if they were born with a "saint" gene.

0:04:08.112,0:04:12.623
But we all actually have[br]the same capacity that they do.

0:04:13.298,0:04:17.491
And we need to do their work now.

0:04:17.515,0:04:19.252
I'm deeply disturbed

0:04:19.276,0:04:25.626
by the ways in which all of our cultures[br]are demonizing "the other,"

0:04:25.650,0:04:30.000
by the voice we're giving[br]to the most divisive among us.

0:04:30.024,0:04:34.118
Listen to these titles[br]of some of the best-selling books

0:04:34.142,0:04:36.342
from both sides of the political divide

0:04:36.366,0:04:38.023
here in the US:

0:04:38.047,0:04:41.491
"Liberalism is a Mental Disorder,"

0:04:41.515,0:04:44.269
"Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot,"

0:04:44.293,0:04:47.223
"Pinheads and Patriots,"

0:04:47.247,0:04:48.817
"Arguing with Idiots."

0:04:48.841,0:04:51.281
They're supposedly tongue-in-cheek,

0:04:51.305,0:04:54.082
but they're actually dangerous.

0:04:54.106,0:04:56.209
Now here's a title[br]that may sound familiar,

0:04:56.233,0:04:58.500
but whose author may surprise you:

0:04:59.298,0:05:02.258
"Four and a Half Years[br]of Struggle Against Lies,

0:05:02.282,0:05:05.299
Stupidity and Cowardice."

0:05:05.323,0:05:06.697
Who wrote that?

0:05:06.721,0:05:11.815
That was Adolf Hitler's first title[br]for "Mein Kampf" -- "My Struggle" --

0:05:11.839,0:05:14.537
the book that launched the Nazi Party.

0:05:15.393,0:05:17.576
The worst eras in human history,

0:05:17.600,0:05:21.316
whether in Cambodia[br]or Germany or Rwanda --

0:05:21.340,0:05:24.936
they start like this,[br]with negative otherizing.

0:05:24.960,0:05:28.592
And then they morph[br]into violent extremism.

0:05:29.164,0:05:32.369
This is why I'm launching[br]a new initiative.

0:05:32.393,0:05:36.754
And it's to help all of us,[br]myself included,

0:05:36.778,0:05:40.884
to counteract the tendency to otherize.

0:05:41.600,0:05:43.955
And I realize we're all busy people,

0:05:43.979,0:05:47.177
so don't worry, you can do this[br]on a lunch break.

0:05:47.201,0:05:52.123
I'm calling my initiative[br]"Take the Other to Lunch."

0:05:52.147,0:05:56.100
If you are a Republican,

0:05:56.997,0:05:59.445
you can take a Democrat to lunch.

0:05:59.469,0:06:02.517
Or if you're a Democrat,

0:06:02.541,0:06:06.416
think of it as taking[br]a Republican to lunch.

0:06:06.440,0:06:09.294
Now, if the idea of taking[br]any of these people to lunch

0:06:09.318,0:06:11.100
makes you lose your appetite,

0:06:11.124,0:06:12.381
(Laughter)

0:06:12.405,0:06:14.977
I suggest you start more local,

0:06:15.001,0:06:20.860
because there is no shortage of the other[br]right in your own neighborhood:

0:06:20.884,0:06:25.267
maybe that person[br]who worships at the mosque

0:06:25.291,0:06:28.417
or the church or the synagogue[br]down the street;

0:06:28.441,0:06:33.576
or someone from the other side[br]of the abortion conflict;

0:06:33.600,0:06:37.294
or maybe your brother-in-law[br]who doesn't believe in global warming --

0:06:37.318,0:06:38.358
(Laughter)

0:06:38.382,0:06:42.740
anyone whose lifestyle may frighten you

0:06:42.764,0:06:47.997
or whose point of view[br]makes smoke come out of your ears.

0:06:49.274,0:06:51.068
A couple of weeks ago,

0:06:51.092,0:06:55.600
I took a conservative[br]Tea Party woman to lunch.

0:06:56.155,0:06:59.420
Now, on paper, she passed[br]my "smoking ears" test:

0:06:59.444,0:07:00.475
(Laughter)

0:07:00.499,0:07:02.675
she's an activist from the Right,

0:07:02.699,0:07:05.285
and I'm an activist from the Left.

0:07:05.996,0:07:10.807
We used some guidelines[br]to keep our conversation elevated.

0:07:10.831,0:07:12.682
And you can use them, too,

0:07:12.706,0:07:15.989
because I know you're all going[br]to take an other to lunch.

0:07:16.672,0:07:19.245
So first of all, decide on a goal:

0:07:19.269,0:07:25.433
to get to know one person from a group[br]you may have negatively stereotyped.

0:07:26.472,0:07:28.365
And then, before you get together,

0:07:28.389,0:07:30.661
agree on some ground rules.

0:07:30.685,0:07:34.983
My Tea Party lunch mate and I[br]came up with these:

0:07:35.816,0:07:39.351
"Don't persuade, defend or interrupt;

0:07:39.375,0:07:43.646
be curious, be conversational, be real;

0:07:43.670,0:07:44.898
and listen."

0:07:45.954,0:07:49.696
From there, we dove in,[br]and we used these questions:

0:07:49.720,0:07:52.707
"Share some of your life[br]experiences with me --

0:07:52.731,0:07:56.576
what issues deeply concern you?

0:07:56.600,0:08:00.583
And what have you always wanted to ask[br]someone from the other side?"

0:08:01.497,0:08:06.033
My lunch partner and I came away[br]with some really important insights,

0:08:06.057,0:08:08.035
and I'm going to share just one with you.

0:08:08.059,0:08:14.061
I think it has relevance to any problem[br]between people anywhere.

0:08:14.600,0:08:20.888
I asked her why her side makes[br]such outrageous allegations and lies

0:08:20.912,0:08:22.541
about my side.

0:08:22.565,0:08:24.645
"What?" she wanted to know.

0:08:24.669,0:08:30.699
"Like, we're a bunch of elitist,[br]morally corrupt terrorist-lovers."

0:08:30.723,0:08:32.356
Well, she was shocked.

0:08:32.380,0:08:37.720
She thought my side beat up[br]on her side way more often --

0:08:37.744,0:08:42.095
that we called them brainless,[br]gun-toting racists.

0:08:42.659,0:08:45.121
And we both marveled at the labels

0:08:45.145,0:08:49.458
that fit none of the people[br]we actually know.

0:08:50.163,0:08:52.520
And since we had established some trust,

0:08:52.544,0:08:55.544
we believed in each other's sincerity.

0:08:56.187,0:08:59.679
We agreed we'd speak up[br]in our own communities

0:08:59.703,0:09:03.413
when we witnessed[br]the kind of "otherizing" talk

0:09:03.437,0:09:07.722
that can wound and fester into paranoia

0:09:07.746,0:09:10.411
and then be used by those on the fringes

0:09:10.435,0:09:11.730
to incite.

0:09:12.745,0:09:16.125
By the end of our lunch,[br]we acknowledged each other's openness.

0:09:16.149,0:09:19.700
Neither of us had tried[br]to change the other,

0:09:19.724,0:09:21.924
but we also hadn't pretended

0:09:21.948,0:09:25.453
that our differences[br]were just going to melt away

0:09:25.477,0:09:27.019
after a lunch.

0:09:30.701,0:09:34.920
Instead, we had taken[br]first steps together,

0:09:34.944,0:09:36.742
past our knee-jerk reactions

0:09:36.766,0:09:38.511
to the ubuntu place,

0:09:38.535,0:09:40.761
which is the only place

0:09:40.785,0:09:46.881
where solutions to our most[br]intractable-seeming problems

0:09:46.905,0:09:48.236
will be found.

0:09:48.775,0:09:51.287
So who should you invite to lunch?

0:09:51.311,0:09:55.125
Next time you catch yourself[br]in the act of otherizing,

0:09:55.149,0:09:56.524
that'll be your clue.

0:09:57.274,0:09:59.891
And what might happen at your lunch?

0:09:59.915,0:10:01.314
Will the heavens open

0:10:01.338,0:10:05.200
and "We are the World" play[br]over the restaurant sound system?

0:10:05.224,0:10:07.366
Probably not.

0:10:07.390,0:10:11.100
Because ubuntu work is slow,[br]and it's difficult.

0:10:11.124,0:10:17.190
It's two people dropping the pretense[br]of being know-it-alls.

0:10:17.214,0:10:22.937
It's two people, two warriors,[br]dropping their weapons

0:10:22.961,0:10:25.294
and reaching toward each other.

0:10:26.202,0:10:29.565
Here's how the great[br]Persian poet Rumi put it:

0:10:30.930,0:10:36.415
"Out beyond ideas[br]of wrong-doing and right-doing,

0:10:36.439,0:10:38.300
there is a field.

0:10:38.324,0:10:39.807
I'll meet you there."

0:10:40.775,0:10:47.600
(Applause)